


The Way It Was

by fullmetalscully



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Lots of Angst, Royai - Freeform, Royai kid, follows canon so hughes dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2021-04-09
Packaged: 2021-04-23 00:48:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 44
Words: 190,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22229464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalscully/pseuds/fullmetalscully
Summary: What if Riza never went to war? Riza Hawkeye has just married the man she loves. Six months into their marriage, an unexpected surprise stops her from following Roy to the military. A canon divergence AU that explores what might have happened had Riza been unable to join the military. There will be plenty of family fluff, angst, and Royai.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 368
Kudos: 504





	1. we have our very own everlasting love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! i'm back with another fic woohoo! this was the one i was working on for nanowrimo and it's finally here! updates will be once a week and i'm sticking to that this time around xD
> 
> at first i wanted to get it completely finished before i started posting anything, but now that i have an amazing beta on board (shout out to stacy, @pokypup49!) and i've f i n a l l y gotten over the writer's block i had for about a month with chapter 26, i'm moving on and getting it out there. plus, if i have an upcoming chapter due, then i'll definitely write. it's all a ploy for motivation!
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoy it! lmk what you think!
> 
> (if this chapter sounds familiar i posted it as a oneshot to an ask on tumblr way back, so that's why!)
> 
> song for this chapter: love affair – everlasting love

## 1907

** _we have our very own everlasting love_ **

Roy twitched as he heard the door opening behind him. He turned with a smile, but it died on his lips. Instead, his breath caught in his throat, his clasped hands no longer ringing together with nerves by his stomach. They went slack but remained joined, hanging loosely, down by his hips.

The reason for his heart skipping a beat or four was because his future wife was walking down the aisle towards him. He felt tears spring to his eyes, her beauty stunning him. His heart thumped in his chest, threatening to break free from his ribs. Anticipation prickling his skin, he took a deep, shaky breath, and smiled broadly towards Riza Hawkeye.

Soon to be Riza Mustang.

He couldn’t believe his luck. Him. Marrying Riza Hawkeye.

The scrawny fourteen-year-old who’d showed up at her door and tripped over his words as she opened it, feeling like a fool because he was so ready to impress his new mentor and win his family’s favour.

It took a very long time for her to warm up to him, but Roy never lost hope. He was drawn to her, he wanted to be her friend. She was so quiet and always seemed to be by herself. He _knew_ she was lonely. How could she not be, cooped up in that draughty old house with her recluse of her father? Roy was the kind of person who craved company, but he got nothing of the sort from his Master, so he sought out the young girl who pretended to be just fine by herself.

Now, she’d grown into a beautiful and self-assured woman. Roy counted himself very lucky to have been able to witness it and experience their friendship grow into something even more wonderful.

Riza smiled softly at him, walking down the aisle on the arm of his adoptive mother. Unconventional, but Roy wouldn’t let her walk down there by herself, and neither would Chris. Her father had died a few weeks ago and even if he was still living, Roy didn’t think Berthold would have even bothered with the whole event anyway.

Chris gave Riza’s hand a quick squeeze before moving back onto the aisle, to observe the ceremony. She was the only other person there, aside from the priest.

Riza nervously shifted the bouquet in her hands, licking her lips. Her nerves had left them dry, her hands shaking slightly. Turning in place, she faced her future husband, her stomach fluttering at the look on his face. He was looking at her as if she was the only person in the entire world.

That was something she had to get used to. She was wanted by someone, loved by someone. It was such a foreign concept to Riza after her upbringing that she was left doubting herself. Would she be enough for her husband? Did he really, _truly_, love her as much as he said he did? Riza knew it was unfair, especially to Roy. He’d been nothing but kind to her and had opened her up to love over the years they’d known each other. But there was still a niggle in the back of her mind that, just like everyone else, Roy would eventually leave.

The veil was lifted over her head with such a tenderness, Riza froze. His soft smile almost melted her on the spot and – just for a moment – all her self-doubt was banished. Roy’s hands gently brushed against her bare upper arms as they lowered, caressing her skin and causing gooseflesh to break out all over her. He smirked as she shivered, giving her hands a quick squeeze before clasping them together in front of him once more.

_He loves you, and you love him. Never forget that._

The priest droned on about their marriage vows but Riza wasn’t paying attention. She couldn’t. She was too enraptured by the man next to her, hyperaware of his every movement. Every time he shifted in place, every time the scent of his cologne wafted her way, she shivered. She felt like a hormone-charged teenager again.

“Do you, Riza Hawkeye, take Roy Mustang to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

“I do,” she breathed, unable to raise her voice any higher. She’d never felt love like this before. Obviously, she loved Roy, there was no question about that, but this… In this moment, with Roy gazing at her so intently and with so much care and love in his eyes… She was overwhelmed. In the _best_ way.

“Roy Mustang, do you take Riza Hawkeye to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

“I do,” he grinned.

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Their lips met softly. His hand rose, cupping the bottom of Riza’s jaw as his fingers caressed her hairline on the back of her neck. Riza whimpered softly, feeling tears prick in her eyes at the tenderness he showed her.

Riza couldn’t remember the last time she was this happy.

Probably since the first time Roy said he loved her.

The time before that? Riza had no idea. Not since before her mother had died, anyway.

Breaking apart was bittersweet. Riza wanted to remain in that moment forever. She’d never get tired of loving him, Riza knew that for sure, and counted herself lucky to be loved by him in return, no matter what self-doubt she carried within her.

That night, in their bed, they became husband in wife in every sense of the word. Words were whispered against each other’s skin, declarations of love, promises for the future, and Riza couldn’t wait to discover what life had in store for her and her new husband.


	2. standin' on the platform, watching you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy chapter 1! let's get this show on the road! i'm genuinely so excited to show you what i have planned for this fic. the future will be revealed in this chapter... ;D i hope you enjoy it!
> 
> once again, thanks so much to stacy for being such an awesome beta!!
> 
> song for this chapter: freya ridings – lost without you

## 1908

** _standin' on the platform,_ ** ** _ watching you go_ **

** _it's like no other pain_ ** ** _ i've ever known_ **

“Roy?” Riza whispered into their dark bedroom. The mood of the day had been solemn. Tomorrow he was going off to war, to fight in Ishval. The State Alchemists had been called up and he was being shipped out at six o’clock tomorrow morning. It was currently pushing midnight and they only had five or so more hours left in bed together. Riza didn’t want to waste a second, and neither did he. That’s why, when they’d retired that night, they simply lay in silence, his arm slung around her waist, saying nothing, simply enjoying the other’s company.

He hummed in acknowledge, his face burying further into her hair. A wave of sadness washed over her at the thought this would be their last night together for a long time.

_Or forever_.

Riza shifted, banishing the thought from her mind. She couldn’t afford to think like that. The arm around her waist tightened, his hand lifting to rest over her stomach. A small smile graced her lips.

“I went to see the doctor today,” she began. His hand stilled, head lifting from the pillow. It was the first time he’d moved in hours, save for the odd shift in position so he could close the distance between them.

“Why?” he asked, worried. He was propped up on his elbow, the mattress shifting as he leaned over her. “Are you okay?”

Riza nodded in the darkness. His hand left her stomach, moving to her hair, brushing it away from her face and neck. He placed a kiss on her bare shoulder. In the darkness, she would have jumped had it been anyone else, but they’d been together for so long now that she felt attuned to his every move. They’d only been married six months but Riza had been in love with him for years.

“What’s wrong then?” he asked, his lips moving across her shoulder and up to her neck. A quiet sigh left her from his ministrations. There was the temptation to let him continue, allowing them both to forget about his departure in a few hours, but this was news that needed to be shared. She couldn’t drop the bomb when he was about to leave on the train, and they’d been so busy getting organised that evening, ensuring Riza would be well looked after by organising money to be transferred to the correct bank account before Roy left. They’d been in the bank for two hours trying to get their situation sorted out. Then, they returned home for dinner and got caught up in what happened afterwards. Riza smiled at the memory, Roy holding her close while music played in their living room of their apartment in East City, two bodies swaying in time as they enjoyed their final evening together. Both trying to forget what the early hours of the next morning would bring. She’d been so lost in the moment that all thoughts had left her. All she knew was his hand on her lower back, hands holding her tenderly, and the side of her head resting against his cheek.

There was brief thought that occurred to her. Knowing Roy, he felt guilty about leaving her behind already. If she held off on the news, then she wouldn’t add to that guilt already present, and when he returned home, he would be in for a hell of a surprise.

But she couldn’t do that to him. It would be grossly unfair and, if she was being honest with herself, she'd explode if she held it in any longer. Riza needed to get the news out.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered into the darkness. Riza held her breath as he processed her words.

“You’re… pregnant?” He breathed the word as if it was sacred.

“Yes,” she whispered, rolling over to face him. In the dim light she could still make out the outline of his face. A hand rose to cup his cheek, and Riza smiled, eyes wet.

“How… When?” Riza could see the cogs in his mind working overtime, moving too fast for his mouth to keep up.

“I’m six weeks along.”

“I… _Riza_,” he breathed, bundling her into his arms. Riza clung to him, arms snaking around his neck and pulling him close against her. “I can’t believe it.” Despite the happiness there was a lingering sadness in there, because of course, he was leaving in the morning, and didn’t know when he would return to them. His breath hitched and she felt tears fall against her bare skin. “Oh my god.”

They lay in silence, both crying quietly in their happiness. Their family was about to grow, and she couldn’t be happier.

“I’m not letting you go for the rest of the night,” he murmured against her neck. “I can’t now. I hope you’re okay with that.”

She smiled. “That’s fine by me,” she replied.

* * *

At the train station just before six o’clock that morning, Riza rose onto her tiptoes, giving her husband a quick peck on the cheek. They’d already had their emotional farewell last night and in the morning before breakfast. The lamplight illuminated them both, the dawn just struggling to peek over the horizon. The lack of light wasn’t a problem for Riza. Roy was the light of her entire life, his smile brightening up any room, his love a beacon. She felt as if she could see for miles with him by her side.

“Come back to us,” she whispered in his ear.

Roy didn’t let her pull away, opting to drop his case and wrap his arms around her tightly. His lips crushed against hers with such desperation she whimpered into it. Their faces crumpled, unwilling for this moment to end.

But it did, rudely, by the sound of the conductor blowing his whistle as he called the two-minute warning for the train’s departure. They broke apart, their foreheads resting against each other. Her hands rose to his upper arms, clutching them tightly, desperately. She supported him every step of the way. This was what he wanted to do with his life and Riza would never hold him back from that. Now the moment was here... She never wanted to let him go. Her fingers dug into his arms tightly, as if her touch alone could anchor him in place, keeping him by her side, rather than traveling hundreds of miles to the front.

Her mouth parted to speak. Riza knew she'd regret saying those words, but nothing could stop her._ Don't go. Don't leave me._ It was in impulse. However, she didn't get very far. Roy beat her to it.

“I promise, I’ll come back. To you, I will always return.” His hand splayed over her stomach and Riza pulled him into a fierce hug.

“I’ll hold you to that, Roy Mustang,” she whispered with a quiet, emotionally charged laugh.

“I’m counting on it, Riza Mustang.”

Riza smiled, eyes threatening to spill over. She pulled away, nodding, and looking up at him. Her smile wobbled on her face and was unable to say anymore. If she did, she would crack. If her mouth opened, she'd beg him not to leave. She'd get down on her knees right there. _Don't leave me alone. I don't want to be alone again._ After experiencing Roy's love, she never wanted to lose it. How would she sleep at night with him absent from her side? How would she relax without him stroking her arm or her hair? How would she feel safe and loved without Roy to tell her, to whisper it in her ear as she drifted off?

She was in no way useless by herself. She'd been by herself her whole life, but these last few months had given her a taste of love and company. She didn't want to go back to isolation. She couldn't.

As the train pulled away, she couldn’t help but feel crushing loneliness creep up on her. She truly was lucky to be loved by Roy, but now she’d had a taste of it, had enjoyed it every day for six months without interruption, she never wanted to let it go. Every day they’d shared had been a gift, but Riza had still felt their happiness was creeping closer and closer to an end.

This was that feeling. Roy going off to war.

Maybe he wouldn’t come back. That was the nature of war, wasn’t it? Breaking up families, destroying those who survived it… Her stomach clenched at the thought of what condition Roy would return home in.

_If he returns at all._

His body could return, but would his mind?

If only she could join and watch his back, like she promised to do as a child.

A hand rose instinctively to her stomach.

No, she couldn’t go after him. She had to protect their child instead. A surge of sadness and panic washed over her at the thought of facing all of this alone, but she would manage. She’d had a tough life already. This would be no different from how she’d handled those previous situations. Hell, once she'd fallen after repairing something in her father's house, catching her arm and cutting it, quite deep. Her father had ignored her cries for help, her tears, so she'd calmed herself down and searched her mother's old books - the ones she'd hidden in her bedroom - and managed to crudely patch herself up temporarily until she could leave the house and someone could help. That was the moment she realised her father truly didn't care about her. She'd never felt so alone.

However… Riza's face fell, her bravado slipping with it. She_ was_ still young. She was eighteen-years old, pregnant, and left to deal with it on her own as her husband disappeared out of view on a train that may just be taking him towards certain death.

“Was that your husband?” a brunette asked her. She was about five paces away on the platform, staring after the train just like Riza, her face tight.

Riza nodded. “Yes.” Her own voice sounded foreign to her ears.

“My brother,” the woman gestured after the train. She too was dressed in military blues, and yet, she wasn’t aboard the train? “Rebecca Catalina,” she greeted, offering Riza a hand.

“Riza Mustang.”

“Nice to meet you. It seems we are both left stranded here while they go off to war, huh?” Riza glanced at her military uniform again, unable to help herself. “I’m still in the academy,” Rebecca explained. “They wouldn’t let me go out there, even if I asked. No use for a cadet out there, not even as cannon fodder, now that the State Alchemists are going in.” She took a deep breath, shoving her hands in her pockets. “Apparently this will turn the war around for us.”

Riza nodded. She just wanted Roy to return home to her in one piece.

Rebecca eyed the hand still on her stomach, a wry smile on her face. “When are you expecting?” she asked.

“Oh, uh, I just found out yesterday.”

Rebecca barked a quiet laugh. “Such is life, huh? You find out you’re going to have a kid and he gets shipped off to war.” She shook her head.

“Roy always says there has to be equivalent exchange for everything,” Riza added, a sad smile on her face. She didn’t want to exchange her husband for her child. She wanted them both safe and happy beside her.

“A State Alchemist?” Rebecca whistled. Riza felt dread pool in her stomach. She was just about to ask what she meant before Rebecca jerked her head towards the street. “Come on, it’s too dark for you to walk home alone. I’ll give you a lift. Have you had breakfast yet? I know a lovely little diner that opens at six am. It’s not far from here.”

Her life may have just gotten a little darker with Roy gone, but there was a new light growing insider her – _their_ child – and this woman’s kindness had just added to that spark of hope.

She could only hope things worked out for them in the end.


	3. everybody needs one true friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the positive responses so far guys it means a lot that people like this!! i hope it lives up to expectations ahaha /crosses fingers and prays/
> 
> song for this chapter: vanessa amorosi – absolutely everybody

## 1909

** _everybody needs one true friend_ **

** _someone who’ll be there ‘till the very end_ **

“The war in Ishval has taken a turn today, as the State Alchemists have managed to subdue more than eighty per cent of the rebels within the state. The Hero of Ishval, Roy Mustang, played a large part in today’s victory –” Riza quickly turned the radio off. Usually she would hang onto every word, absorb every scrap of news, but at the mention of his name, she couldn’t bear to listen to it anymore.

He’d been hailed as the Hero of Ishval. Riza didn’t want to begin to imagine what he might have done to those people to earn that title. She withheld all judgement – she had no right to do so because she wasn’t there – but it made her worried. _Very_ worried. He had been sent off to war eight months ago. That was a long time. Those eight months, and the actions he carried out within that time, may have changed him completely. Riza wouldn’t know what the man would return as until he was standing right in front of her. 

On today of all days she didn’t want to think about the war either. Besides, the only news she trusted came from letters Roy sent. Of course, he didn’t tell her much about the conditions out there. He wouldn’t want her to worry. However, even those were coming few and far between at this point, now eight months into his service. While that thought worried Riza regardless, she didn’t let it get her down. She couldn’t. She had too much to do and concentrate on here, at home. Thinking about the lack of response only brought tears and worry, and that was best saved for her bedroom at night where no one was around to hear her cry.

“Sorry,” Rebecca apologised sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” Riza replied, keeping her voice even. She placed a hand on her swollen stomach and turned her gaze outside the window of the car.

“I hear about it so often at work it just becomes background noise,” her friend explained. “But hey,” she added, voice becoming more chipper. “Today is all about you, so let’s forget about that just now.”

_If only it was that simple._

“Gracia Hughes is on her way to the hotel now. One of Roy’s sisters is picking her up in the car. You won’t be completely bombarded by his siblings,” Rebecca laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Riza managed a smile, but it quickly fell. Now it had been mentioned, all she could do was worry about him.

She hadn’t received a letter in over a month. She’d sent two since his last one, but no reply. At least today’s news meant he was still alive. That was one positive thing to focus on.

Chris – bless the woman – had a party already in full swing by the time Riza and Rebecca arrived.

Roy’s family had all migrated to East City for the day, it felt like. They were staying at a hotel in town, and had hired out the function suite for them to throw a baby shower for Riza. She begged them not to go through so much trouble, that she was more than happy to have it in her own apartment, but she received a few sympathetic looks.

“Riza, honey, we wouldn’t all fit.”

Her and Roy’s apartment was small, but it wasn’t _that_ small, Riza had thought indignantly.

Sure enough, Roy had a _large_ family. Some people were here who she’d never even seen before.

She gulped.

“Riza!” Vanessa squealed as she stepped out of Rebecca’s car. The blonde threw her arms around Riza’s neck, hugging her tightly. She was an incredibly beautiful woman, always made up expertly with makeup and fake eyelashes, which Riza had never seen before meeting Roy’s family. Her blonde hair tumbled down her back, effortless curls swishing as she moved. Her perfectly manicured nails were two different colours today. The nail polish alternated colour on each finger, a pattern of blue and pink. It was in celebration of Riza’s baby shower, Vanessa had beamed at her and Rebecca. She was a very sweet woman, and Riza would never admit this aloud, but Vanessa was Riza’s favourite. All of Roy’s adoptive sisters were amazing to her, but Vanessa had gone that extra mile every time and had made sure Riza felty included in _everything_ they did together as a family.

She truly felt like she was a sister to them, and Riza would forever be grateful to them for that.

Also, Riza often caught the scoop of the gossip around Central too, thanks to Vanessa. At least once a week she would phone Riza and ask how she was doing, eventually turning the conversation towards animatedly talking about who she’d been on a “date” with that week. Riza had heard some things she probably shouldn't have, but Vanessa had connections to the higher ups in the military too. Roy had explained what his mother dealt in and how the bar was just a front. No wonder her organisation was so fruitful. Vanessa somehow managed to get the scoop on _everyone_. She could be both relentless and ruthless in her “innocent” questioning, and Riza was glad that kind of attention had never been directed towards her. She’d spill all she knew there and then because Vanessa was _that good_.

As she was drawn into Vanessa’s embrace, Riza almost gagged at the amount of perfume that invaded her nostrils – a smell she’d become quite sensitive to while pregnant – but managed to control herself. “How are you doing? Oh, come in, come in! We’ve been so excited about today for so long!”

Banners covered every wall of the function suite while balloons littered the floor, a sea of plastic and air. Every time someone walked through them, they were kicked gently up into the air. It was a carpet of pink, blue, and white.

Her mother and sister-in-law had outdone themselves. There was so much _food_. Platter upon platter covered every available table in the room. They had been arranged around the outskirts of the room to allow a mingling area for the guests to Riza’s baby shower, as well as dancefloor. The chairs were dotted about the room, some arranged in small circles where women sat chatting and laughing with each other already, their plates full of food.

“Riza,” Chris greeted warmly, a smile on her face. She pulled Riza into an unexpected hug, but Riza appreciated it all the same. It was nice to feel welcomed like this. Roy’s family had accepted her wholeheartedly after their marriage. After he’d left, his sisters visited her at home almost every day. It was a blessing to have the company, as well as another connection to Roy. “Welcome. How are you feeling?”

“I’m all right,” Riza reassured her.

“Still get sick?”

Riza shook her head. “No. Thank goodness that’s all behind me.” In the early months she’d been violently sick many times. After eating, she would vomit. Even the smell of cooking made her ill. She had to go to hospital overnight once to get a drip because she’d almost passed out. Luckily, she’d been at Chris’ in Central for the weekend, so someone was able to take her there.

“Good.” Chris Mustang was a woman of very few words, Riza had noticed this early on. At first, she’d worried she’d offended her in some way because her replies were always abrupt, her tone sharp, but Roy reassured her “that was just his mother”.

The baby shower was very graciously arranged by Vanessa. Riza assured her she didn’t need anything fancy, but Vanessa had pulled out all the stops. There was a _mountain_ of presents in the corner already, and there were still women arriving, carrying large boxes in their arms.

Riza felt her eyes begin to fill up with tears.

“Hey, are you okay?” Rebecca asked quietly, noticing her change in demeanour.

“I’m fine,” Riza reassured her, voice wobbling. “Honestly, I’m alright. This is just… a lot. It’s… _completely_ unexpected.” No one had ever done something for her before, on this large a scale.

Roy had proposed, but it was a way to offer her stabilisation shortly after her father died. The proposal hadn’t been a grand affair. It was a quiet question, murmured over the sound of the fire crackling beside them in her living room. The fire hadn’t been on in years in her childhood home, but they lit it that night. A signal of a new beginning. A beacon of light for both their futures. After nervously asking Roy what he was talking about, he’d gotten down on one knee, uncertainty in his eyes. They loved each other, but the marriage would be convenient for her, more than anything. They both never expected it to grow into something so wonderful when they had first discussed it after Berthold’s funeral. Those six months of marriage had been the best days of her life.

During and just after the funeral, they’d been very guarded and shy with one another. A year had passed since he’d left for the military and they’d both grown up, but something awoke inside of her after being finally freed from her father’s burden. Perhaps it was the intimacy of the act – Roy examining the skin of her back so closely – and then the anguish of the aftermath. He’d burned the most important parts of the tattoo in order to hide it and stop others from discovering its secrets. Roy had agonised over her request, but she just wanted to finally be free, she had whispered brokenly, her tone carrying the weight of the burden on her back. He couldn’t deny her of that. It had brought them closer together. They now shared a bond that no one else would ever know the extent of. One that couldn’t be broken.

He proposed a week after the funeral. She’d passed on the secrets of flame alchemy to him, and that was when their relationship turned. The night he’d finished studying her back was when they’d slept together for the first time. The feeling of his fingertips ghosting over his skin, the breath tickling her sensitive back, had made her boldly roll over and straddle his hips. He’d been astonished, and if Riza wasn’t so worked up, she would’ve laughed. As soon as her hands tangled themselves in his hair, he reciprocated eagerly.

Roy left – for what was supposed to be the last time – to take the State Alchemist exam. They celebrated in a similar fashion after he returned to her home, excitement on his face. He was finally on the way to achieving his dreams. Riza was happy for him.

They were married in her hometown a month after he’d become a State Alchemist. Riza. Married at eighteen. Roy was twenty-one. Their relationship had gone into overdrive with everything progressing so quickly, yet Riza was oddly calm about the whole situation. It just felt _right_, after everything they’d been through.

“I know, I didn’t expect there to be so much,” Rebecca admitted. “But you deserve it, Riza.” 

Riza smiled gratefully at her friend. 

“Now, I know something that will definitely cheer you up. That good for nothing husband left you to run off to war,” Rebecca winked playfully. “I think it’s only fair you get to open all the presents.” 

Riza laughed quietly to herself. Surrounded by all this wonderful company and these amazing people who would do anything to make her day brighter or happier, Riza was sure she would be cheered up today. It would be just what she needed.


	4. you are the gravity that steadied me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hello to my royai kid oc! mia was actually first introduced in "let you love me" and i love her sm. i hope you enjoy the chapter! <3
> 
> song for this chapter: taeyeon – gravity

## 1909

** _you are the gravity that steadied me_ **

“Rebecca?” Riza’s voice was strained as she called for her friend through the phone.

“Riza?” Her voice was full concern. “What’s wrong?” There was an edge to her voice. A hint of panic.

“My water just broke.”

“Oh… Oh _shit_. Okay, don’t worry, I’m coming right now.” There was a rustle of paper through the receiver. “Don’t move, okay? Stay right there. I’m on my way.” The panic was back as it sounded like she was scrambling to get away from her desk. The line went dead and Riza nodded anyway, as if her friend could see her.

Riza let out a hiss of pain another contraction hit her. Fumbling, she finally managed to put the phone back in its place. She painfully made her way over to her couch. Practically falling onto the cushions, Riza closed her eyes tightly against the sharp wave of pain. It was short, but it was intense, feeling like it went on _forever_. It felt like her insides were in a vice, being squeezed tightly without relent. Panting, Riza let out a low wail as she began to sob, _wishing_ it would just _stop_. As the wave passed, her eyes popped open and stars danced in her vision. Struggling to catch her breath, Riza lay on her couch in a heap. Tears dropped down her cheeks thick and fast as she tried to recover. Trying not to think about how another contraction would be on its way soon, Riza squeezed her eyes shut tightly and _willed_ Rebecca to be here soon. The ten minute drive over would stretch on for what felt like a lifetime, Riza just knew it.

Over and over in her head, Riza reminded herself that she wouldn’t be doing this alone. Rebecca was on her way right now…

But they wouldn’t let her in the delivery room. _Roy _was supposed to be in there with her. He was still in Ishval. She’d be all alone.

Sobs wracked her body endlessly. As another contraction hit her, Riza cried out loudly. She wanted Roy. She wanted him _here_.

“Riza?” Rebecca called into her apartment. She must have followed the sounds of her crying because she ran over and threw her arms around Riza’s neck. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. We’ve got this,” she reassured her. That panic from earlier was gone. In its place was confidence and assurance.

“I want him here,” Riza sobbed.

“I know you do, sweetie. Roy will be here soon, but we’ve got to meet your kid first, okay? You can do this. You won’t be alone. I _swear_ to you.”

If she hadn’t been nine months pregnant, about to give birth, and extremely hormonal, Riza would be embarrassed by her desperate plea. She’d managed this far on her own, why was she breaking down now? Why _this moment_, of all the times to lose it?

“Riza, it’s normal,” Rebecca had reassured her. Her eyes popped open. Riza hadn’t even realised she’d voiced her thoughts out loud. “You’re hormonal, you’re about to give _birth_, and you’re _not_ alone,” Rebecca added fiercely. Her grip on Riza’s body tightened as they shuffled painfully to her front door. “You’ll never be alone, not while I’m here.”

Chance had allowed Riza to find Rebecca Catalina in her time of need, as Roy was shipped off to war. She was extremely fortunate to have met her, and Rebecca’s presence was something Riza would be grateful for, for the rest of her life. She’d been a godsend throughout this pregnancy and Riza would never forget that.

“Sorry,” Riza whispered, sniffing loudly. She was managing to calm herself. She could _do_ this. She’d managed it all so far. What was one more day?

_One day at a time, Riza._

Rebecca chuckled. “There’s nothing to apologise for. Now, let’s go and meet your kid, shall we?” Riza’s eyes filled with tears once again, but she nodded firmly.

Taking a deep breath, Riza steadied her nerves. She stood slightly straighter as Rebecca escorted her out of her apartment. They only stopped for Rebecca to sling the overnight bag over her shoulder. Riza had packed and left it at the front door in case of an emergency like this.

_I can do this_. Riza grit her teeth against another contraction and let out a growl as she rode through it while Rebecca hurried her into her already running car.

Riza was always one to keep the peace and not cause a scene because if she did as a child, her father would either scoff in disgust or yell at her. She’d learned to burden it all. Being pregnant had flipped all of that on its head, but it still resided inside of her. She’d been left sobbing at times about the fact that Roy wasn’t here with her. Others, she’d chuckled to herself about what a surprise he’d get when he returned home. It _was_ incredibly sad, that he wouldn’t be here to witness the birth of their child, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Riza knew this, and knew he’d be here if he could. Such is life, after all. She’d reasoned with herself that he’d have a hell of a surprise to return to. Her mind always had to have the last word, though. _If he even comes back. If the same man returns to you_.

Her actions were frustrating, more than anything. She’d survived as a child. She’d looked after herself, her father, and Roy when she was just a teenager. She could _deal_ with this herself, so why was she crying out for him the second everything hit the fan? She wasn’t alone. Rebecca was here. In her heart, Roy was right beside her, the voice in her head whispering to her that she would be fine. _You can do this._

_I can do this._

Riza gripped Rebecca’s hand harder, gritting her teeth but emitting no sound as another contraction hit.

It was time to say hello to her baby.

* * *

Fourteen hours later, Riza was lying in bed, exhausted, with a baby in her arms.

Like Rebecca had promised, Riza wasn’t alone while delivering the baby. She’d been out of it due to the pain wracking her body, but Riza heard Rebecca arguing with a nurse or a doctor about being permitted into the room.

“I don’t _care_,” Rebecca had spat. “That woman’s husband has been away fighting in Ishval during her whole pregnancy and if you think for a _second_ that I’m going to leave her to deliver this baby alone, _you’ve got another thing coming_.” Damn, Rebecca could be scary. Riza would have told her not to worry just to keep the peace, but a long wail escaped her as the nurse announced it was time to deliver the baby. Rebecca dived to her side, gripping her hand tightly. Riza clenched it hard, the feeling of her friend’s support, anchoring her to reality.

_Just push Riza. Push and then you can meet her, and it will all be over._

Riza met her daughter after what felt like a blur of movement and pain.

It was all over. The screaming baby at the other end of the bed confirmed it.

When labour had hit, everything she’d been feeling about the birth - the worry, the fear, the loneliness - crashed into her at once. She’d been crying – something she _hated_ – and it worked her up even more, making her feel even worse. Now, after the birth, with her perfect baby in her arms, Riza was crying at the silliest of things. It had happened so often, that at this point – two hours later – Riza had given up and accepted her fate. After a while, crying didn’t seem too bad anymore. She still hated the way it made her feel so vulnerable, but she had to admit… She did feel a bit better after letting it all out. Rebecca, of course, was thoroughly amused by this new hormonal, crying Riza.

“I didn’t know you were such a crier, Riza,” she’d grinned jokingly.

“Shut up,” Riza had grumbled, but her voice wobbled as she wiped away her tears. _Being hormonal sucks_, she thought petulantly.

Tears were shed over her baby girl’s face, and her perfect, tiny fingers and toes. She had an adorable, small nose. Curious, Riza had quickly checked her daughter’s eye colour, and was overjoyed to see she’d inherited her father’s. She had his almond shaped eyes, too, as well as a mop of black hair.

“Tough break, kid,” Rebecca had commented after meeting her, making Riza laugh through her tears. Happy tears, though.

She had a baby girl. She had a daughter who was the perfect blend of her and the man she loved with her whole entire heart. She couldn’t wait to show him.

Rebecca swore their little one had Riza’s face. “She totally looks like you! I can definitely see it.”

Riza shook her head. “She looks more like Roy than me.”

“I mean, in obvious features, she does.” Rebecca pulled back the top of the swaddle to reveal more of her daughter’s face. “But you’re definitely in there too. I can see it.” Her tone was so self-assured and determined. Riza was glad her little girl was a perfect mix of both parents.

Roy’s family arrived the next day. Rebecca had called them, and Chris and a few of his sisters hopped on the first train out to East City. Chris entered first, making a beeline straight for Riza. She sat by her bedside, scrutinising eyes meeting Riza’s apprehensive ones. Riza was on edge, sensing an interrogation was coming just by the look on Chris’ face.

“How are you doing?”

Riza just blinked back at her, feeling slightly nervous. Roy’s sisters cooed over their niece lovingly, either oblivious to their conversation or just used to Chris’ gruff demeanour. “I’m fine,” Riza replied.

Chris’ eyes narrowed. “Really?” she asked doubtfully.

Tears sprung to Riza’s eyes with uncertainty. This woman hadn’t necessarily seen right through her – she truly did feel fine until Chris had brought it up – but her mother-in-law had experienced enough conversations with Riza over the term of her pregnancy for Chris to know when she was saving face. Besides Roy, Chris Mustang had seen more of Riza and what she held inside her heart and mind than anyone else. The woman had become her confidant while he was away, and it was the most liberating experience being able to share her worries about him fighting over there and what would happen when, or if, he came home. Once alone, _that_ was when Riza would let it all out. She couldn’t do it now, in front of Roy’s sisters.

So yes, in that moment, she was fine. However, she was trying not to think about going home. What was scaring her was going back to that empty apartment and living with her baby girl all by herself.

That was terrifying.

_One step at a time_. _One day at a time, as it’s always been_.

“For now, yes.” She’d taken a deep breath and for the first time in months, managed to control her emotions. Riza would never take that ability for granted again. “I’m okay.”

“I’ll be staying at the East City Hotel until Roy Boy comes back home.” That surprised Riza, and apparently her expression showed it. “You didn’t think I’d leave you here to do it all yourself, did you?” she asked, although it felt more like an accusation.

“Oh, no,” Riza stumbled over herself to answer. “It’s okay, don’t trouble yourself –”

“This is my grandkid,” Chris interrupted. “Of course, I’m going to trouble myself.” Riza promptly shut her mouth. An overwhelming urge to respond with “yes ma’am” was squashed. Somehow Riza didn’t think Chris would appreciate that. “I better go say hello, huh?” Before she stood, hesitantly, Chris placed her hand on top of Riza’s. “Let me know if you need _anything_, all right?”

“I will,” Riza accepted. She just watched as Chris made her way to the bottom of the bed. She stared at her granddaughter, then broke out into a proud smile. Roy’s sisters backed up, the three of them watching Chris interact with her grandchild, smiling.

“Hey there, little one.” 

Today seemed to be full of surprises, because Riza had _never_ heard the woman use that tone before. She was always gruff, abrupt, and Roy told Riza she firmly believed in tough love while he was growing up. To witness this… It was someone completely different from the Chris Mustang Riza had come to know. It was _fascinating_. She couldn’t wait to see what other reactions her baby girl drew from this woman with the hard as hell outer shell. Riza felt tears prick her eyes and in a private moment – because all eyes were fixated on her daughter – Riza rolled them, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Do you have a name?” Vanessa asked quietly, not wanting to invade the incredibly sweet moment between Chris and her granddaughter.

They’d decided on names the morning before Roy left. It was a spur of the moment decision, but both their choices sounded right. Standing in their kitchen, with Roy’s arms around her, Riza had agonised over the boy’s name. Even to this day, she still didn’t have one. That was hers to choose, whereas Roy had made one request, if it was a girl.

“_Can she be called Mia?_” he’d asked softly as his hands rubbed circles on her back. “_After my mother?_” His breath had hitched quietly, and Riza could never say no to a request like that.

“She’s called Mia,” Riza whispered, remembering that moment. Chris’ head snapped up. One eyebrow raised up and Riza nodded to her unspoken question. “After Roy’s mother.” The three sisters let out a collective sigh.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” Vanessa cooed, stroking Mia’s cheeks.

“Thank you,” Chris nodded.

“It was Roy’s choice,” Riza revealed, finding she had to take a deep breath once again to try and keep her emotions steady, so she wouldn't cry. Again. “It was the one name he requested, if it was a girl. I couldn’t say no.”

“When did you decide?” Rosalie asked absentmindedly, unable to tear her eyes off Mia.

Taking control didn’t work. Her emotions were spilling over, but this was different from before. There was a pain in her chest that gripped her heart tightly, refusing to let go.

“The morning he –” She had to stop herself. Riza closed her eyes, feeling the tears come. _Not again_, she pleaded with herself. Covering her face, her shoulders began to shake.

Arms encircled her body tightly, followed by another set..

“Come here,” Roxanne beckoned, kissing the top of her head. That made her cry harder, unable to hold back anymore. “Don’t worry, hon, he’ll be back soon. I know it.”

“Yeah,” Vanessa agreed. Her arms were looped around Roxanne’s while Rosalie gripped Riza’s hand tightly in comfort. “And boy do _you_ have a surprise for our Roy Boy,” she exclaimed, making the girls laugh. Riza found herself letting out a small laugh as well.

“He has no idea what’s going to hit him. His face will be a picture!” They all laughed once again.

“Don’t worry, okay?” Roxanne assured her. “We’re here for you. We’re not going back to Central until he comes home. What kind of a family would we be, if we did that?”

“Thank you,” Riza breathed. She felt her body being squeezed. Their hugs brought instant comfort that she desperately needed. “And I’m sorry,” she added, her voice just a mumble. “I’m such a mess,” she huffed.

“Don’t be silly,” Vanessa scolded lightly. “It’s completely understandable. Don’t worry, your sisters are here for you. Besides, if he’s gone any longer, I’m going to drag my hopeless brother back here myself! Imagine leaving to put you through all of this?”

“It wasn’t his –”

“I’m just kidding,” Vanessa reassured her lightly. “But not about dragging him back. Imagine the military making him leave a pregnant eighteen-year-old? It’s shameful, is what it is!”

Riza felt Roxanne shake her head, her lovely, long, brown locks brushing against Riza’s. “It really is Vanessa. You’ve got it absolutely right!”

As they were all leaving, Chris hung back. The sisters were outside the room, discussing where they were going to eat dinner that night.

“I’ll be back first thing tomorrow and we’ll take you home, all right?”

“That would be great. Thank you so much.”

“And, don’t worry too much, Riza dear.” She paused, as if considering her next words carefully. “I’m friends with people in high places,” she stated cryptically, shooting Riza a pointed look. “Roy Boy won’t be long in returning to us.”

Riza felt her stomach drop like a stone.

“What?”

“I have it on good authority he’ll be back here within the week.”

It was just like Chris Mustang to drop this bombshell on her like this.

“_What_?” Riza breathed.

“The war’s over. They're sending everyone home.” Riza was mute. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Riza.”

And just like that, she was gone.

Riza was reeling.

“Did you hear that, Mia?” Riza asked in a daze, staring at the closed door to her hospital room as her daughter began to stir in her cot. “Daddy is on his way home to us.”


	5. if you go crazy, i'd still make you mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go lads, the long awaited reunion!! i hope you enjoy it as much as i did writing it uwu
> 
> thanks again to the amazing work done by my beta @pokypup49!! you've been an amazing support all throughout and i can't thank you enough <3
> 
> song for this chapter: radien x yuri – always find you

## 1909

** _ loving takes patience _ **

** _ if you go crazy, i'd still make you mine _ **

The air was cool around them, neither too hot nor too warm. Every so often a blast of heat would fill the station as a train pulled in, making Riza sweat, but then in the next moment, a breeze would leave her with a shiver.

“There he is!” Rebecca cried, clutching Riza’s arm tightly. As she turned, Rebecca was already sprinting off to meet someone. Riza wouldn’t have been able to keep up, chasing after her friend, with the pram to navigate through all the people. So, instead, she watched as her friend jumped into the embrace of a man who laughed and hugged her tightly. Riza could see the resemblance. They had the same curls in their chocolate brown hair, the same face, and both were equipped with a brilliant grin that appeared to light up every room. He was definitely Rebecca’s brother.

Leaving them to their tearful reunion, Riza turned to scan the platform once again as soldiers piled off the train, Riza searched for her husband with her heart in her throat. Once again, the fear that he wouldn’t be the same man that had left threatened to consume her. She’d heard the news. Not that she trusted it much, but she’d heard of all the “grand” things the State Alchemists had done while working to crush the Ishvalan resistance. It might have been childish, but regardless of all that, Riza just hoped Roy was okay.

What was even more unsettling, was the mixture of reunions she’d seen on the platform. There were families reunited, crying happily together, and there were men and women who stiffened upon seeing their loved ones, then promptly walked right by with just a quick hello. Riza had seen the haunted look in their eyes, the way their loved ones just seemed to _know_ that would happen… Riza wondered if they were the ones who’d wrote home about the horrors they’d witnessed. It would make sense, given there was no other reaction from their loved one, they just followed behind, hurrying to catch up, probably just hoping to help with _something_, anything… 

It hadn’t happened often, but after seeing it two or three times, Riza did begin to wonder… 

It did nothing to settle the lead weight in her stomach.

She also hadn’t spoken to Roy in over two months. She’d sent three letters in that time – all unanswered. There was probably a logical explanation for it. Roy loved her, there was no doubt about that, however, witnessing the not too happy reunions made her wonder.

Maybe he did still love her, but after what he’d done, he felt he didn’t deserve her.

Riza wasn’t stupid. He’d killed people in Ishval. That was what war _was_. Needless killing just to prove someone in a high position was better than another. Roy was a _good_ person. He didn’t deserve to go through that. However, he’d told her all about his dream – to become the Fuhrer someday. That meant making a few sacrifices. Riza just hoped that didn’t mean his sanity or who he was.

Nevertheless, they’d work through it. They always had, and, going forward, they always would, Riza vowed. They were a family now. They had a child depending on them. She understood and told herself he was in for a culture shock with little Mia and he was going to need time to adjust. It would be hard, especially after coming back from fighting in a war for nine months.

They were a unit, and no one would take that away from her._ From them_.

“Riza!” Rebecca called to her, tearing her attention away from the departing train. Roy wasn’t on this one. The next train was due in twenty minutes. Maybe he was on that one? Chris hadn’t told her a time, just that it would be today. And to be perfectly honest, she’d wait there all day if need be.

“Hello,” Riza greeted with a smile to Rebecca’s brother.

“Riza, this is Andrew. Andrew, meet my good friend, Riza.”

“Good afternoon, Miss,” he greeted, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. Riza plastered on a smile and willed herself not to snatch her hand back. He was just being polite, but Riza had never been a big fan of personal contact, especially from strangers. Her father had ruined that for her. Her back tingled as a reminder. “A pleasure to meet you.”

“I met Riza the day you were shipped out. Her husband left on the same day.”

“And you’ve been making friends, I see,” he grinned, turning to his sister.

Rebecca nodded. “Yep,” she replied, confident. “And I couldn’t have asked for a better person.”

Riza blushed, turning her gaze away in embarrassment. “Rebecca –”

She was cut off, because as she looked over Rebecca’s shoulders, she saw someone staring at her. By chance, she’d caught their eye, and black orbs stared back at her, transfixed. Forgetting she was in the middle of a conversation, Riza stepped forward, leaving Rebecca, Andrew, and even Mia behind.

It had been nine months since she’d last seen him on that station platform. He looked so much older. Dark circles shrouded his eyes, making them look bruised. Had he been sleeping enough? His eyes nor expression gave no indication of his mental state, and that drew Riza up short.

“Hey, Riza! Where are you –?” Rebecca called, but she barely heard her.

What if they had a reunion like the ones who were too scared to face their loved ones again? What if he breezed right past her and kept on walking? Riza would have no idea where he’d go. They lived here in East City, and his mother’s house in Central. There was nowhere else for him _to_ go. _What if he turns his back on you?_

She’d been so strong throughout his leave. She hadn’t complained, she’d just gotten on with it because that was all there was to do. She’d carried their child to term during that time and gave birth. She’d done _all of that_ by herself. Seeing him now, with the possibility of him turning around, threatened to crack all of that inside of her. If he left her for good… Riza wasn’t sure what she’d do. The thought made her feel numb.

She’d just have to get on with it. If that’s what he decided, Riza would give him time. She hadn’t been in the war. She hadn’t been there. There was no way for her to imagine the horrors he must have seen. So, she’d accept it, and give him space.

She had never been one to cause a scene. She’d accept it, and work towards a solution.

_ Take it one day at a time _.

Time stood still, waiting for one of them to make the first move. Riza didn’t want to approach any further. She’d let him come to her, if that’s what he decided. He looked haunted. He was completely changed from the man who’d left her. The twenty-one-year-old now looked like he was in his late thirties. Battle hardened. Seen too much.

_ Done too much. _

“Gracia!”

A loud yell startled Roy, and Riza watched as he turned to face a man who was rushing past him to his right. He made a beeline for Gracia – a woman Riza had made close friends with through Rebecca during her pregnancy. Riza hadn’t even noticed she was there.

“Oh, Maes!” she cried, her face becoming more tear stained. Riza briefly recalled Gracia speaking of a man she had in the war. That was what had drawn the trio – Riza, Rebecca, and Gracia – all a little closer. They all had someone dear to them away fighting.

The two embraced tightly. The man, Maes, peppering her face with kisses and she laughed and cried, clutching him tightly.

Riza had to look away. She –

Roy was right in front of her. His eyes burned with such an intensity that her surprised “oh!” died on her lips. Then, his face crumpled. He cupped her face in his hands and drew her close to him, kissing her tenderly. Riza was shocked for a second, but then she reacted by throwing her arms around his neck tightly. She clutched at the back of his uniform, trying to reassure herself that this was real, this was happening. He hadn’t breezed past her, too afraid to face her after fighting.

“Is that him?” she heard Andrew whisper.

“Yeah. A big State Alchemist.”

“Oh… Oh _shit_, its him!”

“I missed you so much,” Roy whispered, pulling away just enough so he could meet her eyes. His breath skated across the skin of her face, leaving gooseflesh to rise on the skin of her arms, as well as her scalp. His scent enveloped her, washing over her and soothing every nerve. It was different than what she remembered… There was a hint of sand and ash mixed in with his usual smell, enough for Riza to notice it as he embraced her. Usually there was always a smell of smoke clinging to him, thanks to his alchemy. It mixed in well the comforting smell of his aftershave, but this… This was _different_.

“I missed you too,” she whispered. “I love you.”

Roy crushed her in his embrace. “I love you too.”

“Thank you, for coming back to me.”

“I promised I would, didn’t I?” he asked with a smile, but it looked slightly strained and tired.

“You did,” Riza confirmed, pressing a hand to his cheek. She kissed him again, desperate for the contact after nine months apart. “There’s someone else here to see you as well.”

His face perked up and he looked every part the boy she remembered from her childhood. Gone was the soldier who’d just returned from war. In its place was the nervous teenage boy who had tried to hold her hand for the first time.

Riza gripped his hand tightly and escorted him over to Mia’s pram. She was asleep, one hand fisted and lying at her head, the other trapped underneath her blanket.

“Roy, meet your daughter. Mia Mustang.”

He was frozen in time. Riza watched him observe his daughter. His eyes roamed over her tiny body. He reached out to touch her, then his hand recoiled quickly. It didn’t move too far. It was suspended in the air above her.

Riza placed her hand on top of his gently and guided it down, her fingers pulling away the blanket that was threatening to cover her face. She had a habit of kicking in the night, sending the piece of cloth one of Roy’s sisters had knitted her either down to her feet or to cover her face. As soon as his fingertips contacted her skin, it was like he’d been shocked. Riza removed her hand, but Roy’s stayed, stroking Mia’s cheek lightly. Mia yawned in her sleep, and Roy gasped. He melted there on the spot.

“Here,” Riza murmured, guiding his hand again. She nudged Mia’s closed fist with Roy’s finger and their daughter latched onto it. When Riza smiled up at him, she discovered Roy was crying.

“She’s amazing,” he breathed, breath hitching once, then twice. The tears were falling freely, his body shaking, but making no noise. Riza wrapped an arm around his back and squeezed tightly.

“You’re a father, Roy.”

His free arm wrapped around her shoulders tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled through his tears, still unable to tear his eyes away from his baby girl.

“For what?” Riza asked, while running a hand up and down his back. She’d slipped it underneath his military jacket and basked in the warmth of his back. She felt the hardened muscle underneath his shirt, alternating between skimming her hands over it and rubbing small circles with her thumb against it.

“I left you, and you did this wonderful thing all by yourself. You carried our child alone and I –”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” she whispered. Riza turned and buried her face into his chest. Both Roy’s arms wrapped around her this time. He clung to her even tighter. “I _promise_. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into.”

He breathed out loudly, as if expelling all his sadness in one go. When he met her eyes again, they were wet, but his tears had stopped. “She’s amazing.” Roy looked down at Mia who yawned again as if on cue. Riza chuckled quietly at his quiet gasp.

“And don’t worry,” Riza added. “I wasn’t alone.” He shot her a questioning look. “I had some wonderful people looking out for me along the way.” Riza looked around but couldn’t see Rebecca. She searched the busy station again, but she and Andrew were nowhere to be seen. “Oh, they must have left.”

“Who?”

“There was a lady at the station the day you left. We quickly became friends. Her name is Rebecca.”

“I’m glad,” Roy replied, looking at her with a weird, kind of proud, smile on his face.

“What?” Riza asked.

Shaking his head, Roy dismissed her question. “Nothing. Shall we go home?” he asked with uncertainty.

“Yes, of course.” Riza took the handle of Mia’s pram.

“Do you mind… if I push her?”

Riza’s smile widened. “Of course not.”

Slinging his pack over his shoulder, the trio left the station, a family reunited once more. Riza didn’t stray far from his side. Her hand slipped back underneath his military jacket as they walked, returning to being splayed across his back.

“I must warn you though,” Riza added once they were on the busy streets of East City. “Your mother is in our apartment.” Roy stiffened and Riza laughed to herself at his reaction.

“Why?”

“She’s been helping while you were away. She said she wasn’t going to leave until you were back. Surprisingly,” Riza admitted. “She slipped into the role of Mia’s grandmother very well.”

Roy nodded, but still looked nervous. “At least I know you’ve been well looked after. I’m not so sure I’m looking forward to the chewing out she’s going to give me, though.” Riza laughed and it felt like they’d slipped back into old times.

It turns out she had nothing to fear after all.

Right?


	6. i got plenty of demons under my bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now we get into the nitty gritty stuff. angst is coming my friends and this is only the beginning.... : )
> 
> hope you enjoy! :D
> 
> song for this chapter: gerry cinnamon - lullaby

## 1909

** _i got plenty of demons under my bed_ **

** _but i don't get scared 'cause i'm already dead_ **

Riza was startled awake by a loud thud. A muffled curse followed it, then another thud. It sounded like someone was inside their house. Sitting up hurriedly, Riza reached out for Roy, but found he wasn’t there. Confused, she glanced around the dim room and saw nothing out of place or out of the ordinary. Stealthily, she slipped out of bed and rounded the piece of furniture to the bottom. Mia was sleeping soundly in her cot, undisturbed by the noise, thankfully. It must have been Roy. Riza quietly crept out of their bedroom and into the hall. There was light shining out from underneath the bathroom door.

“Roy?” she called quietly. There was a clatter of plastic hitting porcelain, followed by another mumbled curse. It sounded like a toothbrush hitting the sink. “Are you okay?” she asked worriedly.

“Yeah, fine,” he replied abruptly.

Unsure what to do, Riza shifted her weight from foot to foot. “Do you need anything?”

“No.” It was short and sharp. The house was silent, and then Roy sighed. “Sorry,” he whispered in defeat. “No, love, I’m okay. Go back to bed. I’ll be through in a minute.”

“Okay.” Not quite believing him, but knowing she’d achieve nothing from this side of the door, Riza agreed and retreated to their bedroom.

He’d been home for three weeks and he seemed to be perfectly fine, but she’d heard him get up often in the night. Roy never mentioned it. He obviously didn’t want her to worry, but Riza still heard him. She still worried regardless. Outwardly he seemed like the same person. During the day he was the doting father and husband. Riza had never felt so loved before. It was like it was back to the way it was before he left for Ishval. When night came, that was when things changed. He always fell asleep after her. When she awoke, it looked like Roy hadn’t slept at all. He had two cups of coffee with his breakfast but played it off as just one. Riza had seen the empty dishes. She counted them up. He was obviously struggling with what had happened over there, but he wouldn’t tell her.

_Give him time_, she always told herself, but there was only so much worry she could take. She’d vowed she’d look out for him after he returned, if he needed it, but so far all she’d done was helplessly watch him fall into unhealthy habits. Thanks to her childhood, she’d never faced confrontation. Her father had yelled at her, but she’d never yelled back. She’d meekly submitted because she felt like there was no other choice. She was trapped in that house with her father and there was no way out. The only way to survive was to accept her father’s abuse and just hide from him when she could. With Roy, she didn’t want a fight. She just wanted to help. Not that Riza thought Roy would get angry with her. He’d always grin and insist he was fine. There was no room for argument. Couple that with the fact she was a young mother and still had Mia to look after, Riza didn’t want to disrupt the peace that had fallen over them.

She was young, barely turned nineteen. She didn’t know what to do, or how to deal with all of this. She had to juggle an infant and a husband who was struggling with the after effects of war. Her mind was contradicting itself at every turn. She’d open her mouth to ask him what was _really_ wrong and then a little voice in her head would whisper to her not to; let him come to her.

She just wanted to help him.

Roy came back to bed, as promised. He slid underneath the covers and wrapped his arms around her torso tightly. Riza hesitantly placed a hand on top of his hair, running her hands through it.

Weeks of indecision had stewed inside of her but tonight she made her choice. This couldn’t go on any longer. She couldn’t just ignore it, hide from it, and hope it would go away like she had with her father’s behaviour in the past. That wouldn’t work here. It terrified her. Riza’s stomach was currently tying itself in knots, but she needed to confront him about it. It would be hard, but she _knew_ Roy. She had done almost her whole life.

It took Riza a moment, but she finally realised that the reason she’d been holding back and not asking him outright was because of her father. It hit her with such startling clarity, that she paused in stroking his hair. Roy whined quietly in protest at her stopping but didn’t move any further. She was scared to confront Roy, confront _anyone_, because her father had always angrily brushed off any concerns she’d had. _But he wasn’t here anymore_. She could do her duty of care to her husband and _help him_. There was no one to tell her to “stop being so stupid” for worrying.

“What’s wrong?” Riza asked quietly. There was a very long pause before he made any sound. Riza went back to running her hands through his hair and he shifted closer to her.

“Nothing.”

“Roy.” Riza didn’t believe him one bit, and her firm tone told him that too.

“There’s nothing, Riza.”

“You don’t sleep. You don’t eat properly. I’m worried about you.”

“Yeah, well, don’t be. I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

He pushed himself up quickly and sat with his back to her. Riza flicked on the lamp on her bedside table. A warm glow spread across the room, the light revealing the muscular expanse of his back, but his shoulders were rounded, his head dipped low. There was a mark on his back, she noticed, on his left side, running across his shoulder blade. An old mark… A scar. Riza swallowed. What had happened to him out there?

Trying a different tactic, she sat up herself, kneeling and facing his back. Tentatively, she placed a hand in the centre of it, her fingers splaying across it. Her thumb caressed his scar lightly. Roy stiffened underneath her hands, his head shooting up, but he didn’t turn to face her.

“I know you, Roy,” she murmured. “And I know when you’re hurting. I can see it on your face, and I don’t know what to do.” She sighed quietly to herself. “I want to help, but I don’t know how to.” Riza had no idea what was going on in his mind and until he let it out, she wouldn’t know how to help. How could she? She’d never fought in a war before. She wasn’t in Ishval with him.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered.

After a brief pause, Roy stood abruptly and began to pace in their bedroom. Disheartened, but not discouraged, Riza watched him move. He offered no response, he just ran a hand over his face and through his hair, ringing his tresses in his tight grip.

“I killed people in Ishval,” he whispered.

“I understand that.”

“No,” he replied vehemently. “You don’t.”

“_Help_ me to understand then.”

“I can’t. Not… Not about this.” Riza watched his eyes close after he stopped pacing. She stood and approached him. He jumped in surprise as she placed her hands on his cheeks. He tried to jerk away, but Riza remained steady, maintaining eye contact with him. She would not break. Not when he needed her like this.

“I promised you I would help when I could. Whether that was something insignificant, or something like this. I’ll always be here for you, Roy. You just need to let me in.”

“I can’t,” he whispered brokenly.

Riza forced down the tears threatening to claim her. She would not break. Not here. He had it so much worse than her right now, and her husband needed her to remain strong. She always would for him.

“If you need time, I’ll give it to you, but I’ll _always_ be here for you, Roy. And at one point, for this to work, and for you to help yourself, you _need_ to let someone in. I understand if that person isn’t me.” She couldn’t help it, but she dropped her gaze. It hurt to say, but the voices in her mind whispered that he didn’t want to let her in. That she would just have to accept that and move on. She’d soldier on and try her best to help in the capacity that he needed her to, but if she couldn’t… Riza began to drop her hands, but Roy grabbed hers quickly, gripping them tightly.

“There’s no one else _but_ you, Riza,” he breathed. “I…” He hung his head. “I’m sorry I haven’t been very clear or upfront with you.” Taking a deep breath, Roy let it out as Riza watched him formulate the words he needed in his mind. “Okay. What’s up here,” he gestured to his head. “I feel like I can’t tell anyone about it right now. I want to tell you because I _need_ to let it out, but –” He swallowed and cast his gaze downwards. “It’s so hard. I could never tell my mother about this. I couldn’t tell my sisters. Hughes was there anyway so it’s easy but with you…” Riza’s stomach tightened sharply in anticipation. His tone gave no indication of what he was going to say next, and her self-deprecating mind was telling her to fear the worst. “I could tell you anything Riza. I have _always_ felt this way. What I did… What happened… It’s so awful. I don’t want to taint you with it.”

“You _won’t_,” she stressed. “I don’t need to be protected from it.”

Roy shook his head. “No, that’s not what I mean.” He sighed.

“Roy, I don’t want to push, but you need to let it out.”

“I will. I promise you.”

“Talk to Hughes about it at least,” she pressed. “If you want to keep it from me that’s fine, but talk to him. Promise me you will.” Roy stared at her, his face turning into a grimace for some reason. “What?”

Roy leaned forward and pressed his forehead gently against hers. “I don’t want to keep things from you,” he replied, voice cracking. “This is not what this is about.”

“Okay, I understand that.” She did. It was poor word choice on her part, but also worked as an experiment. If she used that phrase, what would his reply be? If she confronted him about not opening up to her like that, would he deny it and reassure her that wasn’t the case? She’d just got her answer, and it soothed her fraying nerves just a little bit. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I will tell you Riza, I just need some time,” he vowed.

“Time for what?”

Roy shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I… To let the horror pass? To let things calm down so even a cupboard door shutting doesn’t remind me of gunfire?” Riza froze but Roy didn’t seem to notice. She made a mental note of it, while also planning in her mind to make a trip to the library to read up on things like shell shock, post-traumatic stress, and the other effects war had on the mind.

She didn’t feel quite so useless now. It wasn’t about her, but at least she’d remember to not let doors slam in the house, and not make any sudden loud noises for him. Anything to help him ease back into civilian life, and readjust to being home, Riza would do.

“Take all the time you need,” Riza told him.

Roy lifted his head and offered her a sad smile. “Thank you,” he breathed. “Just you being here is… It means so much to me. You could never know how much. And I’m sorry. It… It was horrific out there. What I did… Well, you would run away in horror if you knew.”

“Try me.”

Roy shook his head. “Another time. I promise. But not tonight. I…” His eyes closed as he tried to compose himself. Riza ran her thumbs across his forehead and eyebrows, straightening out the creases in his forehead. There were more lines than there had been before. Stress lines. “I just need you to hold me.”

“I can do that for you.”

“Sorry for making you doubt my trust in you,” he murmured once they were curled together in bed. They were on their sides, heads bowed together as they spoke. Roy had grasped her knee gently and hooked her leg over his hip, drawing them even closer together, which she was more than grateful for. His hand was a comforting and warm weight on her waist. One of hers was underneath her head, the other running across his shoulder. “Believe me, if I could, mentally, I would tell you everything. I just need some more time to deal with it personally.”

“That’s fine,” Riza whispered. “I just wish you’d told me sooner.”

“You never asked about it,” he replied gently.

Riza bit her lip. “I didn’t know how to,” she admitted. “I could see you were hurting and struggling, but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to bring it up and you to get angry about it –”

“Why would you think I’d get angry?” he asked, confused and sounding slightly hurt.

Riza huffed a humourless laugh. “Call it past experience.”

Realisation dawned on him and arms encircled her shoulders tightly. “I promise I never will. And if I do, I give you permission to… slap me, or punch me in the face, or… something, for being such an idiot.” That drew out a quiet laugh from her. “I mean it,” he added seriously, but still with a hint of amusement in his tone.

“Okay, I accept that offer.”

“Thank you,” he grinned. “Permission granted wholeheartedly.”

Silence fell over them. Riza felt slightly lighter. She was still new to married life, but she felt like they were heading in the right direction. She was helping, and that was all that mattered.

The prospect of marriage had terrified her at first. She didn’t know how to be a wife. She’d shot wild animals – much to Roy’s horror – and gutted them – he almost vomited the first time he’d witnessed it. She’d ran through the forests when she could escape her father’s home, only to return covered in dirt and grass stains. Once, she distinctly remembered coming home and finding an extremely worried Roy waiting for her. He crushed her in a hug and asked her if she was all right. She was best suited to being alone, or she’d always thought, but then Roy had shown up and showed her such care, that the thought of marrying him didn’t seem too bad when she remembered all the small moments like that.

With him by her side, they could accomplish anything.

“Can I make one request from you?” he asked quietly, hesitantly.

“Anything,” Riza vowed.

“Can you watch my back? Look out for me? Things have been… incredibly difficult, and I’m slightly afraid of what will happen when I return to work. The reminder of Ishval might get too much. Can you keep me on the right path?”

Riza pressed a hand against his cheek, drawing his face to hers. “Always.”

“Thank you. You and Mia have been my rock these last few weeks.” Riza felt her stomach flip happily inside of her. “The thought of you both kept me going, and I know I need to work harder at being a better father and husband.”

“You’re already a great one. The best one we could ask for.”

“Riza, I _left_ you after you announced you were pregnant with our child. I went off to follow a dream.” Roy swallowed hard. Riza sensed there was more he wanted to say, however he opted to keep it to himself. _That’s fine, though_, she reminded herself. _He’d asked for time and you said you’d give it to him._ “I wasn’t even there when she was born,” he whispered. He was broken up about that fact, but there was nothing they could do about it.

“I would never hold that against you. If you didn’t leave, you’d be let go from the military and I would hate myself forever if that had happened because of me.”

“It may have been best if I never bothered with the military,” he muttered quietly.

Riza swallowed, unsure how to respond. Opting for silence, the two of them lapsed into it rather uncomfortably. Roy’s face was a frown as he focussed on something in between them. On impulse, she reached up and smoothed out the wrinkles on his forehead and it startled him. He blinked a couple of times as she chuckled to herself quietly. She even managed to draw a smile from him too.

“Sorry,” she murmured.

“Don’t be.” He leaned forward and kissed her lovingly. “You always know how to make me feel better and bring me back.”

“I’m glad,” she whispered, truly grateful.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, snuggling closer into her. His arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders, cocooning Riza inside his warmth.

“Would you be opposed to more kids?” she asked quietly. It seemed to throw him, because he stopped from running his hands up and down her back.

“Um, no, I don’t think so. Is that what you want?”

She didn’t know. It was too early to tell, but it wasn’t something she was completely opposed to. Right now, amid talking about their futures and their issues, seemed like a good time to bring it up. “I don’t know, maybe.”

“Then we’ll do it. You’re the one doing all the work, so you get to decide.”

“It will affect both our lives, Roy,” she frowned slightly. “It isn’t just my decision.”

“Okay,” he soothed her. “I’m not opposed to it. It’s not something I’ve considered, but a lot of the future got put on hold this last year.”

“I was just curious.”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to return to school? To be a teacher?” Riza nodded against his chest. “Why not do that first? You could get a good job with that qualification.”

“I already started a course while you were away.”

“Really?” He sounded so pleased for her, and that made Riza smile.

She nodded again. “Yes. A night class at the East City University. It’s an hour a night, three nights a week.”

“Oh, brilliant. How is it going?” Roy asked, before yawning loudly.

“It’s going well. The work isn’t too hard, and my lecturer has already said I’m progressing well. He said I could move onto the next year a few months early if I wished to.”

She was greeted with silence after she’d finished. Pulling away, she saw his eyes were closed. His breathing was deep and even, the grip on her tightening as she tried to move away.

Riza wasn’t offended he’d fallen asleep on her. Not at all. She smiled up at him, brushing her hand over his face before finally cupping his cheek in her palm. She kissed his lips softly and bid him goodnight.

She’d helped.

Riza fell asleep curled up in his arms, and Riza loved the sound of him snoring quietly against her.


	7. i'm a little unsteady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so glad people have been enjoying this story so far. it's been a project of mine for ages and its been a joy to work on
> 
> song for this chapter: x ambassadors – unsteady

## 1909

** _hold on to me_ **

** _'cause i'm a little unsteady_ **

“Are you sure you’ll both be all right?” Roy asked as he finished fixing his tie in the mirror, casting a glance over to Riza and Mia. The latter was being bounced gently in her mother’s arms, looking around the room at everything she could. Every time one of them spoke, Mia’s eyes would flick to them. She was trying so hard to move her head, but her neck wasn’t quite strong enough yet. Still, their daughter persevered and tried her best to watch them both.

“Of course. Go and enjoy your night out with Maes,” Riza smiled.

“I don’t know if I would class it as enjoyable. He’s just going to shove pictures of his wife in my face.”

“Give him a taste of his own medicine then,” she grinned. Mia let out a quiet squeal. “See, even Mia agrees,” Riza grinned.

“Good point,” Roy smiled, matching the intensity of her own. “Maybe I will. _Are_ there even any pictures of you?” he frowned. “I’ve got one, but I don’t remember seeing anymore.”

Riza felt her stomach flip. “You have a photo of me?” she asked.

Roy nodded. “Yeah, of course.” He dipped into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. He flicked through, pulling out a photo of them on their wedding day. “I asked my mother to take a photo of us when we got married.” Riza handled it carefully. Even little Mia’s head dipped down to look at it. Riza remembered this moment. They’d just broke apart after their first kiss as a married couple. There was a smile beginning to form on both their faces, and the look they shared… Riza felt herself melting at the sight of it. She remembered that moment. It was the exact moment she realised just how much she loved the man in front of her. At the time she couldn’t remember when she’d last felt that happy. After her mother died, her happiness was all because of Roy. He’d given that gift to her.

“I had no idea you carried this,” she stated in wonder.

Roy nodded. “That’s been all the way to Ishval and back.” Her eyes flicked up to his, away from the photo. “It helped a lot.”

She smiled softly, handing him the photo back. “Then I can’t ask you to part with it. Do you have anymore?”

“No, just that one. But you’re welcome to look at it anytime you like,” he grinned.

Riza chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Do you have any photos of you?”

Riza shook her head. “I’ve never seen any.” When they’d cleared her father’s house out there wasn’t much worth keeping. Roy kept all Berthold’s alchemy books to use as research and reference, but also because they couldn’t be given away or donated anywhere. Not with the secrets they held. Apart from that, there were no photo albums or anything of the like. She’d quietly hated her father for that. Riza had been young when her mother died. Now, she had no idea what she looked like. There was nothing to hold on to her with. However, the past was in the past, and years on, her bitterness had left her. There was nothing she could do about it now.

“That’s something we’ll need to rectify then,” he replied, kissing Riza’s forehead and returning her to the present. “Isn’t that right, Mia? We’ll need to get some more photos of Mummy because she’s so pretty.” Mia squealed and tried to lift her arms towards him but couldn’t quite manage it. “Ah, come here baby girl,” he cooed, reaching out for Mia.

Watching them interact warmed her heart. It renewed her love for Roy in every way and she was so happy with her decision to marry him. Although it had been terrifying, it had been the most rewarding and loving experience of her life.

“Here.” She fished a photo of Mia out of her purse. “Chris took these a few days after she was born.” She showed Roy the photo and he smiled softly at it.

“That’s you, Mia. You were just a small pink blob of mush, and now look at you. You’re a proper human being with your own adorable little face. Yes, you are. Yes, you _are_.” Riza rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile at his antics.

Roy had returned to work this week, two months after he’d returned from Ishval. He seemed to be doing better. He was eating better and was more open with her. She was slowly getting snippets of his life out here every now and again. She didn’t need to know everything. She wasn’t interested in all the gory details – and Roy had assured her there was _plenty_ – she just wanted to know enough to help. So, he and his friend from the academy were going out for drinks tonight. It was Friday, and the end of their first week back at Headquarters.

“What will you do while I’m gone?” Roy was now bouncing Mia gently in his arms as their daughter tried to reach and catch his hair in between her fingers.

“Just some spring cleaning. It’s about time I did, and we’ve been so busy with Mia recently I haven’t had the time.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Sounds necessary,” she retorted. “I know for a fact there’s a pair of your smelly socks down the back of the couch,” she quipped.

“Back _there_?” he asked in horror. “I would never.”

“I can show you the evidence right now if you’d like, Mr. Mustang.”

“I’m not an _animal_.”

“I never said you were,” Riza reasoned. “However, those socks have been there for a _week_ and are in good need of a clean,” she grinned. 

“Is Mummy a liar, Mia?” he asked his daughter. She smiled widely then squealed again. “Yes, she is. Yes, she _is_ a liar, isn’t she? Daddy would _never_ do that.”

Riza stuck her tongue out at him. “Come on darling,” she beckoned. “Let’s let Daddy go on his night out. Let him have all the fun while we clean up after him,” Riza winked, placing Mia in her bassinet. Once standing, Roy placed his hands on her hips, spinning her in place to face him. She bumped into his chest as he bent his head to claim her lips with his own.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” he asked, gaze searching hers with uncertainty.

“Of course not,” Riza smiled. She straightened his tie, smoothing out his shirt by running her hands over his chest. Her smile broadened when she noticed him shiver. “Go and have fun. You deserve it.”

“I’d much rather stay here and have fun with you.”

“You know we can’t,” she giggled. It was too soon after giving birth.

“I know, but I want to,” he almost whined. Riza playfully hit his shoulder.

“You’ll survive. Now, go. Maes will be waiting, and you know how irritating he can get if you make him wait.”

“God, you’re right,” Roy groaned, pressing his forehead against hers. “Fine. I’ll go. Don’t wait up for me,” he stated, giving her a quick kiss. “I have a key.”

“Will it be a late one, then?” she called after him.

Roy shrugged. “I don’t know, but I don’t want you waiting up too late if it is.”

“Stay safe and be careful.”

“I will,” he grinned, giving her a wave as he stepped out the door, locking it after him.

Riza returned to their bedroom and picked up Mia. “Right, sweetheart. Where shall we start, hm?” Riza asked, looking around their apartment. “Shall we start with Daddy’s socks behind the couch?” Mia’s head jerked so quickly Riza had to readjust her grip on it to stop herself from hurting it. “You’re such a wriggler, Mia Bear,” Riza scolded lightly, tone amused. She kissed her daughter’s head and placed her on her baby mat in the centre of the room.

“Now. Time to present the evidence.”

There was now a pair of Roy’s worn socks sitting in a bowl on the kitchen counter. There was a note on top which Riza had scrawled quickly.

_Exhibit A_

_Offensive material found behind the couch._

* * *

Riza was dozing when the phone in their apartment rang. Groggily, she took a second to realise what it was. Thinking it may wake up Mia, she dove for it, grabbing it from the cradle to keep it quiet. Pausing for a second, Riza listened. There was no sound from their bedroom.

“Hello?” she asked apprehensively. No one ever called her apartment. Roy had only installed the phone in case he needed it for work. Even Rebecca just came around to her home if she needed to speak to her. It was a luxury, having a telephone, but was rarely used.

Her heart in her throat, she listened to the ruckus on the other end, thinking the worst. It sounded like loud shouting, but it was impossible to make out what was being said.

“Riza?” a man shouted through the earpiece to her. She didn’t recognise the voice, and he sounded drunk, his words slurring. She clutched it tighter in her hands.

“Yes?”

“Riza, its Maes Hughes. You don’t know me, but I know you,” he claimed. “Look, I’ve got Roy here and he needs to go home but he’s not in good condition.”

“What happened?” she whispered.

“We got drunk and started talking. He’s… He’s not in a good place right now. Has he told you about what happened over there?”

“No.” He hadn’t yet.

“Oh boy. I really hate to do this to you, but he keeps asking for you and to go home to his house. I would take him home to mine to spare you the trouble, but he’s getting quite aggressive when I suggest it. Do you want me to bring him home? I know you’ve got the little one there.”

“Yes, it’s all right.” Riza swallowed hard, fearing the worst.

“Are you sure? I can drag his pathetic ass back to mine, whether he likes it or not?”

“No, it’s all right. Thank you though, Maes. I appreciate the offer, but I’ll help him.”

“Just… One thing?” he asked as an afterthought. “Just remember he loves you and the thought of you and the kid got him through Ishval. I witnessed it. You were a big help.”

Riza wasn’t sure what that meant. She swallowed and nodded. “Okay, Maes. I will.”

“Thanks.”

There was a quiet click, then the line went silent. All Riza could do was sit on her couch nervously, waiting for them to arrive. It was already two o’clock in the morning, and she should be asleep for Mia waking up in the morning, but she couldn’t now. She was too worried about Roy.

Would this finally be the thing that pushes him over the edge, and gets him to open up to her about Ishval? Would she want to hear it? Would he break down, or rant and rave? Riza knew he would never hurt her, but in the back of her mind, she knew this was a different man than who had left her. The war had changed him. It hadn’t changed his love for her, but he was struggling. He awoke in the night, drenched in sweat thanks to what he’d seen. He had vivid nightmares. Riza knew, because she’d been the one to talk him down from them. Half of the time, he was still asleep, so he didn’t know. But Riza was awake every time. She watched him suffering and didn’t know how to help him because he wouldn’t tell her.

The knock on the door was loud. Too loud. Riza dove for it, tearing it open. She took in the scene before her. A man she’d never met before, but vaguely recognised from the station they day Roy had returned, was standing up straight, but certainly looked like he’d been drinking. He swayed, but that may have been because Roy was a mess and hanging onto Maes’ shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Maes started. It stirred Roy and he lifted his head. He squinted, but when he noticed it was Riza looking at him, he stiffened, his spine straightening. His body jerked upright.

“Riza,” he breathed. He looked like he wanted to vomit. Riza wasn’t sure if it was because of the sight of her, or the alcohol. Judging by the look on his face, probably a mix of both.

“Riza?” another voice called from behind the two men. To her surprise, Gracia was standing behind them. She showed Riza a kind smile but had been frowning up at Maes. “I’m so sorry about all of this.”

Roy let go of Maes and lurched forward, staggering. Riza reached out to steady him, but he jerked away from her. “Don’t touch me,” he mumbled, staggering into their living room. Riza’s hands hung suspended in the air, watching him pass by her. Gracia had tried to placate her, but Riza wasn’t listening. The sound of her world beginning to crack at the edges was too loud.

“What?” she questioned. Her voice was emotionless. She was taken aback by his demand. Dread coiled in Riza’s stomach. Roy had never spoken to her like that before.

“Hey,” Maes interjected, his tone firm and unforgiving. Riza glanced at him, noticing a frown on his face. He looked a lot more sober than Roy was right now. He sounded like it too, compared to the slurred speech she’d heard over the phone not too long ago. “Roy, knock it off.”

“Shut up,” Roy muttered darkly, stumbling slightly to his left, before righting himself with a hand against the wall of their hallway. He’d almost walked into it.

“Roy -” Riza tried to get through to him, but that wasn’t enough for Maes. He stepped in, replying to her husband without hesitation.

“No,” Maes interrupted, as if it was obvious. “I won’t let you talk to Riza like that.” Maes shot her a pointed look, as if to say she shouldn’t accept it either. She was glad for the support. Riza didn’t really know Maes. She’d only met him once before - Roy had introduced them briefly - but he was willing to stick up for her against her drunk husband. Riza appreciated that.

“Whatever,” Roy muttered, pushing off the wall to enter their bedroom. 

“Don’t do this now, Roy,” Maes called after him, his tone a warning. Her husband ignored him.

Do what? Terror gripped her heart.

Seeing Roy enter the dark room, Riza shelved that thought for the moment. Maes was right. He was drunk and was obviously in a bad place right now, but that was no excuse for him to speak to her that way. In moments of tension like this before in her childhood, she’d brushed her emotions - fear, anger, irritation, or pain - aside because if she didn’t, her father would berate her. Her realization the other night spurred her feet forward, following her husband. Her father wasn’t here anymore, and she was an adult. She was Roy’s wife. She had a duty to help him, and she would try her hardest to do that for him, especially when he was suffering like he was now.

Roy was already stripping out of his suit by the time Riza entered. She didn’t hear Maes or Gracia following behind her, but in truth, she wasn’t really listening out for it. She was solely focussed on her husband and the task at hand. She had to calm him down. Riza needed to talk him out of the state he was in as best she could, and bring him back to her, because this was not the Roy she knew.

Her breath caught in her throat suddenly. Maybe this was the _real_ Roy. He’d been playing a character before with her, pretending everything was fine, when in reality, it really _wasn’t_. Maes would probably know that better than anyone. He’d been in the war with Roy. He’d been there and had seen first-hand the horrors of it, and how it affected Roy. Maes had seen what Roy had done in Ishval. Perhaps that was what his warning was about?

“_Don’t do this now, Roy_.”

Riza swallowed the bile in her throat. 

_Focus on Roy. Help him._

“What did you say to me?” Riza asked, her voice calm and controlled. She didn’t want to yell at him. She felt no anger towards him, just shock and disbelief. There was indignation too, because Riza didn’t want to be spoken to that way - “_don’t touch me_” - but Riza held no desire to argue over something as trivial as that right now. There were much bigger things going on.

“I said don’t touch me,” he stated, louder, whirling in place. His tie swung from one side of his torso to the other with the force of his movements. It hung loose over his half-unbuttoned shirt. “You don’t deserve to.”

Mia let out a quiet whine from her crib. She stirred as Riza approached her, swiping at her face with her tiny fists. She was starting to wake up. Lifting her from her cot, Riza held her close to her chest to try and calm her. She shouldn’t be waking right now. Turning to call for Maes or Gracia, her mouth hung open, frozen in place, when she saw Gracia was already approaching her with her arms outstretched. A tight, but kind smile graced her face.

“Talk to him, okay? We’ll be right outside,” she whispered. She gently eased Mia out of Riza’s grip and left the room.

“Excuse me?” Riza asked once the bedroom door had closed behind her. “I don’t deserve to?” she echoed.

“No!” he shouted, making her jump. He’d never raised his voice to her before. “I’ve murdered people with these hands. I don’t deserve to touch you with them,” he mumbled. He wasn’t making any sense, probably thanks to the alcohol.

“I understand that, Roy,” Riza swallowed, fighting to keep her voice even. “But I need you to calm down and talk to me.”

“I killed them!” he yelled again. Mia’s cries increased in volume from outside. “I killed so many people with that _alchemy_,” he spat like the word left a bad taste in his mouth. To Riza, it felt like he was insinuating it was _her _fault all of this had happened. “I still hear their screams.” He shuddered, then brought a hand up to his mouth. Roy bolted for the bathroom. Ignoring the concerned and worried looks from Maes and Gracia, Riza ran after him, but Roy slammed the door closed, locking it before he emptied his stomach contents into the toilet bowl. 

“Roy?” The sound of his vomit was her answer. It was violent and she was sure she heard him crying. “Roy, please open the door,” she begged.

Nothing.

“Please,” she pleaded with him, her voice cracking.

She didn’t know what to do. He’d shut her out, like she’d always feared. Like her father had done. Roy was nothing like Berthold Hawkeye, but this felt incredibly similar to what had happened back then. The perfect illusion Riza had been living in since Roy returned from the war was beginning to dim, to crack around the edges.

“Riza?” Gracia called to her gently, seemingly appearing from nowhere. Riza had forgotten they were even here. “Would you like to come back to my house with Mia?” she offered kindly. “Maes can stay here with Roy to make sure he’s okay.”

“I… I can’t leave him,” she whispered, turning back to the door. She placed a hand on top of it, like she’d done against his back a few weeks ago. “I won’t.”

“Do you want us to stay?”

Riza bit her lip. It might help if they did… Just in case anything happened. Not that Riza thought they would, but Roy would need people around him when he sobered up. He would need friends. Having Maes here – someone who’d gone through the same thing as him – might help.

“Would you mind?” she whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek.

Gracia smiled widely. “Of course not,” she reassured Riza.

“Go and get some sleep,” Maes commanded. “I’ll put his sorry ass to bed.”

“Thank you, but –”

“Believe me,” Maes interrupted, his gaze suddenly very sober. “You’ll want me to.”

Riza barely knew these people. She only really knew Gracia through Rebecca, and they’d met up a few times for breakfast and lunch while their partners had been deployed, but to be so kind… To offer to do something like that for _her_… She was grateful. Eternally grateful.


	8. i’ll run to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a chapter from roy's pov! hope you enjoy it!
> 
> song for this chapter: lea michele - run to you

## 1909

** _just call my name on the edge of the night_ **

** _and i’ll run to you_ **

Roy awoke with a pounding headache. He struggled to sit up, eventually giving up when the nausea threatened to overwhelm him. He groaned loudly and closed his eyes again, succumbing to his exhaustion.

“Wake up,” a gruff voice commanded. Roy cracked open an eyelid painfully. Maes was standing at the bottom of the bed, arms crossed and looking unimpressed.

“Maes?”

“Come on, sleeping beauty. Get up.”

Roy groaned. “I don’t think I can. My head hurts like hell.”

“Well, sucks to be you. Get up.”

“Hey –” Roy protested as Maes drew back the duvet, exposing his body to the cold chill of the apartment. This wasn’t unusual behaviour. By some divine power gifted upon him Maes _never_ got a hangover and had very little sympathy for those who did, but it didn’t mean Roy had to appreciate or like it. His current state was self-inflicted after all, so no wonder Maes had no sympathy, and last night perhaps Roy had let himself get a _little_ carried away. He needed to let loose, desperately so, and drinking with an old war buddy seemed like the best way to do it.

_You didn’t need to let loose_, a voice in his head whispered to him. _You wanted to forget._The faces… The screams… Roy almost vomited again.

“What are you even doing here? Why come in just to annoy me?” Roy mumbled irritably, sitting himself up after much effort.

“Your wife and kid are away out on a walk with _my_ girlfriend, and I’m bored.”

Wait. _What_?

Roy stopped rubbing his temples. Looking around the room he saw he was in his own bed. The duvet next to him was perfectly made and cold. It had been empty all night.

_Riza_…

He remembered coming home last night… He remembered mumbling something but couldn’t drag up the memory of what it was. Then there was a lot of vomit. He groaned. He hadn’t meant for things to get so out of control like that. He just hoped Riza hadn’t cleaned up his mess. That was for him to do.There was a vague recollection of him arguing with Maes about where he should sleep in the bar. He wished he’d kept his mouth shut and gone to Maes’. Riza didn’t need to see him in that state –

The rest of what had happened last night hit him like a truck.

_“Don’t touch me You don’t deserve to.”_

_“I killed them!”_

_“I still hear their screams.”_

Roy bolted to his bathroom – which was incredibly clean – and wretched. There was nothing in his stomach except bile. The acid burned his nose and throat as it came up. Oh god. _Oh god_. He’d said all those things to Riza. He’d lashed out. He’d told her some of what happened while he was drunk.

_Idiot_.

“So, the memory of last night has finally hit you?” Maes asked casually, a hard edge to his voice. Roy flushed the toilet, removing the evidence of his stomach contents. He staggered to his feet, the bright sunlight from his bathroom window hitting his eyeballs painfully. He pulled out the cleaning product and began to wipe down the toilet. He gagged at the strong smell of the bleach.

“It has,” Roy replied grimly. “Where is she?” he asked in a heartbeat. He needed to talk to Riza. He needed to apologise.

“Out with Gracia,” Maes replied. He reached forward and plucked the toilet brush from his hands. “Go back to bed. You look like you’re going to puke again from the smell alone.”

“No, I need to clean this up. This is my mess –”

“We’re not just talking about the vomit on the toilet seat, are we?”

“No.” He almost shook his head, but it was pounding, and every movement sent a shock of pain through his skull.

“Good answer. Go back to bed and stop the world from spinning. I’ll let you know when she gets back.”

“Did… Did you stay here last night?” Roy asked. Maes nodded as he worked, not looking back at his friend.

“Riza asked if we would mind staying. Just in case.” Roy’s stomach turned to lead. _Just in case_. Oh god, what had he done?

“Right.” Roy nodded and turned away.

“She had Mia, who is adorable, by the way, so Gracia offered to stay and help with the kid while I was drafted in to look after you.”

“I appreciate that. Thank you.”

Maes was quiet for a minute, sitting back on his heels as he stared at the white porcelain. “Don’t mention it, man.”

“Thanks for taking care of my family when I couldn’t.”

“Of course, Roy.” Maes’ voice was soft, then he returned to his task of cleaning up Roy’s vomit.

An hour later Roy had managed to move himself to the couch. In passing, something caught his eye in the kitchen. In a bowl, on the countertop, sat a pair of socks attached with a note.

_Exhibit A_

_Offensive material found behind the couch_

Roy closed his eyes to try and stop the tears from falling. He remembered their banter before he’d left. Her smile flashed in his mind, the amused grin that was always infectious. He felt even worse now.

Feeling well and truly sorry for himself, Roy sat in their living room in silence, head tilted back and staring up at the ceiling. Maes moved around him, humming to himself as he did whatever it was to keep him entertained, then eventually settled in the kitchen as he began to make some food. The smell made Roy gag.

Roy wasn’t looking for sympathy. He needed to apologise for his behaviour and tell Riza what had happened before he could even begin to indulge in that feeling.

The front door opened and Riza paused when she saw Roy looking at her apologetically. She answered Gracia’s question and parked the pram in the hallway. She unclasped Mia from within and lifted their daughter up, the widest smile on her face. Roy taken away that happiness from her last night.

“Good morning,” she greeted. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t exactly the warmest tone she’d ever used with him. He deserved that. When he met her gaze, she held it for a second then averted it.

_She’s putting up those walls again._ He’d witnessed them before, as they were growing up. _You did that to her._

“More like good afternoon, sleeping beauty,” Gracia quipped with a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Ashamed. Embarrassed. Sorry.”

“… Ah. I’m sorry, Roy.”

“No, _I_ am. Sorry for putting you through that, but thank you for taking care of me, and for looking out for Riza.” He’d lowered his voice. Riza had entered their kitchen where Maes greeted her and had begun to coo over baby Mia. Roy was sure she couldn’t hear them. “I really appreciate it.”

Gracia patted his knee. “What are friends for, right?”

“How can I ever repay you?”

“By making up with her,” Gracia smiled wryly.

“How is she?”

“Hurt.” _Ouch_. “Confused. And I think she’s feeling a little helpless right now. She wants to help you so badly, Roy, but she doesn’t know how to. She thinks you’ve finally shut her out, just like her father did.” Gracia’s face turned sympathetic when Roy’s face fell. _Oh God, no. Anything but that_. “I don’t know what happened, but that’s what she told me. I know you would _never_ do that. Especially not to her, but she’s upset. Her hormones are still all over the place, you know, so she’s still hurt and upset. Remember, she’s only young,” Gracia added.

It suddenly hit Roy that Riza wasn’t even in her twenties yet. He knew this, of course, and it wasn’t strange for people their age to marry. It was extremely common. However, Riza always acted so much older than her years – she had her father’s upbringing to thank for that. She’d grown up too fast but hadn’t learned a healthy was to deal with confrontation like this. Roy had seen it first-hand. She’d submitted to Berthold as he’d hurled abuse at her. Roy had stepped in once, which seemed to startle Berthold to his senses. However, he’d simply scoffed and called her a stupid girl, dismissing them both from his study.

“She feels selfish, because this is about you, not her,” Gracia added. “And that frustrates her as well. However, I think it’s valid.”

“Yeah,” Roy agreed. They needed to talk. Now.

Gracia patted his knee again. “I can’t tell you what to tell her, Roy, only you can. But you two _need_ to talk about what happened over there.”

“Did Maes tell you everything?”

Gracia smiled and shook her head. “No, but I’m not blind, and I know him very well. Just like your Riza knows you very well. We’re not stupid. We know it wasn’t sunshine and roses. It was war. Even if you don’t tell us, we could easily look it up in some report. So, ask yourself, Roy: would you rather she read it in a report – all your heroic deeds in the name of Amestris and its people – or would you rather she heard the truth from you?”

Roy was silent as he mulled over Gracia’s proposal. She was right, of course. Roy had learned the military had pushed _a lot_ of propaganda after the State Alchemists went in. Roy hated to hear her talk about it, not that she ever really did, Riza rarely spoke about the war in front of him for his sake, but never corrected her when she brought up a piece of propaganda. He just didn’t want her to worry.

Now look where that had got him.

“We should get going,” Maes announced as he entered their living room, shooting a pointed look at Roy. “I’ll call you later Roy, all right?”

“Right.”

After a brief farewell, the two left.

Roy entered their kitchen slowly, squinting in the sunlight from the window. His head was still thumping, but he pushed through. He had to. There were bigger things at stake here than him.

“Hey.”

“Hello, Roy,” Riza greeted, briefly looking up at him. She had Mia in her arms as she waited for her bottle to cool down a little.

She was upset. She was _angry_. He could tell by the small quiver in her voice and the way she swallowed after speaking. Roy had never seen her angry before. She had every right to be after the way he’d acted last night. He’s raised his voice to her unfairly and –

Oh god, little Mia had been in the room too. He remembered Riza hurrying in after him and picking her up from her cot. She’d been sleeping soundly before he came in and started drunkenly yelling.

He was not only the worst husband, but the worst father.

“I’m so sorry, Riza,” he breathed. “For everything.”

“It’s okay, Roy. I told you, I’d give you all the time you needed,” she stated curtly, checking the bottle more thoroughly for its temperature.

Roy wanted to vomit again. “Riza –”

“I told you,” she interrupted evenly. “That I’d give you time, however that does _not_ give you the excuse to use me as a verbal punching bag whenever the alcohol gets you talking,” she added, her voice hard. Riza’s fury was a quiet and a cold one, and Roy thought that was so much worse than her screaming and yelling at him. It was terrifying.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“And I _won’t_ have you doing it while Mia is in the house. Is that clear?”

“Of course,” he swallowed, blinking at her. Looking at his wife he picked out her hard gaze, the twitch in her eye because of her anger, and the look in her eyes… She still looked slightly angry, but after he agreed with her, he noticed her slightly narrowed eyes soften. The anger slowly dissipated, and concern overtook her instead. He could see it in the way her hands shook and her voice wavered in strength.

_What had he done?_ He’d _never_ seen Riza like this before. She’d… She’d toughened up. In any other circumstance Roy would be happy that she’d broken out of her shell, but he despised the fact that it was because of him, and his idiotic actions, that had caused her to do it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Riza stared him out for a second longer before her shoulders relaxed. He’d been the cause of this. Her gaze turned to their daughter, who was cradled in Riza’s arms. “I already said that I understood if the person you needed to open up to wasn’t me,” Riza reminded him calmly and quietly, but he saw the shake in her hands. “I just needed to know if you’re alright. Clearly you’re not.” Her voice cracked on the last word.

It spurred him into action. Roy stood and shook off the feeling of nausea, rounding the table to crouch at her side. He took her free hand in his, clasping it tightly with one and covering it with the other.

“It will _always_ be you,” Roy stressed. “Believe me, it will. I swear on my life.”

Riza closed her eyes briefly. Roy had witnessed it many times before, the way she composed herself. It was a minute movement, and barely lasted a second, but it was there. When her eyes opened the didn’t meet his and she extracted her hands, using the excuse for testing the bottle’s temperature again.

Roy didn’t move from her side, though. He couldn’t, because he’d done this to her. She’d been so desperate to help him and had tried so hard to calm him down last night, but he’d yelled in her face. She was only cold and emotionless when greeting him today because she was trying to protect herself. He’d seen it many times during interactions between her and her father.

Growing up, it had taken _years_ for him to break them down. She’d finally let him in to see every part of her after he’d figured out his father’s flame alchemy. After returning from the academy he knew he was in love with her. But they were still young. She was eighteen, and he was just on the way to his twenty first birthday. They were too young. And yet, she’d boldly stepped up and done the thing he’d always been too scared to do – tell her how he felt. He’d regretted not doing so before leaving for the academy.

Riza offered no response, so Roy ploughed on ahead, letting everything out.

“I’m sorry for not telling you about what happened, for making it seem like I’d shut you out, and for lashing out last night.” He sat back on his heels, placing his hands on his knees. “It’s not an excuse, but I was drunk, and I was back there.” Roy swallowed as his heart rate picked up. He was finally opening up to her, like she’d deserved so many weeks ago, but it would be incredibly difficult. It meant reliving it. “I was back there, last night,” he repeated. “I could… I could hear the screams. Smell the burning. See the bodies –”

“Stop,” Riza whispered. Roy met her gaze, seeing her eyes were wet. “Please, stop.”

Roy blinked, feeling like he was snapping out of it. Riza’s expression was upset and concerned, for him. Her anger was gone. The hard look in her eyes was replaced with sorrow. He’d almost gone back. Roy could feel his heart rate picking up, feel the sweat breaking out over his skin.

“Was it… the alchemy?” she whispered.

“That played a part in the war. Yes,” Roy admitted. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to open up about just _how much_ it had played a part. Not yet. He knew he was a monster, but a selfish part of him wanted to keep it to himself. Riza would run a mile with their child if she knew the truth, and Roy wouldn’t blame her. There were days where he couldn’t bear to look at her, ashamed of all the death he’d caused with the gift she’d given him.

He almost wished he hadn’t because her face crumpled as he revealed the truth, and Riza covered her face with her hands. Her body shook with sobs, a quiet sound escaping her lips as she cried.

“What’s wrong?” Roy asked, pulling her against him as tightly as he could with Mia still in her arms. Their daughter had begun to fuss, her arms flailing out, sensing her mother’s distress.

Riza shook her head against him. “You went through all of that. With what _I_ gave you –”

“That was my choice.”

“But _I_ played a part in it too. I could’ve kept it hidden, but I didn’t –” She cut herself off, but her meaning was already out there.

“Instead you gave it to me,” Roy finished for her. “And I used it to wreak havoc upon the people of Ishval.” Their house was silent as that admission settled over them both.

“Riza, you had no way of knowing,” Roy murmured, contemplating her statement.

“Neither did you!” Roy was silent after her outburst. “Last night you spoke about “that alchemy” like it was a disease. Imagine how I must have felt to hear you speaking like that?” She was right. He remembered blaming her father’s alchemy, throwing it in Riza’s face, like it was her fault he was in this mess.

“I wish he’d never completed his research,” she whispered. “I wish it had died along with him. It’s been a curse more than anything else, causing nothing but pain and suffering.” She pulled away and looked up at him. “I can see how much it’s hurting you, and how you’re suffering because of it after Ishval. I’m not stupid,” she added.

“No one said you were.” His voice was gentle and soothing as he rubbed up and down her arms. Roy placed his cheek against the top of her head, wishing he’d done this sooner rather than leave it to blow up in their faces.

“It’s a horrible thing you went through, but I just… I want to help you. To ease that pain. The flame alchemy is as much my burden as it is yours, and I _know _you’re hiding the extent of the damage it’s caused to try and protect me.”

Roy was silent, then exhaled sharply out of his nose. Damn, she saw right through him, as always. It was beyond his time for admitting that he was hiding things to protect her, but it was _only _because he didn’t want her to worry about him. It was a vicious cycle he was creating.

“You’re right,” he admitted quietly.

Riza nodded in acceptance and dropped her gaze. 

“But not because I don’t think you could handle it.” Roy pulled up his own chair and let her go, finding it more comfortable to sit and talk about this. “It’s still fresh and I don’t want to go back there. Not with you and Mia present. There’s a lot of darkness in my mind right now,” he admitted. “And I don’t want to taint you both with it. I told you that the other night.”

“That’s what I’m here for, though.” Riza offered him a sad smile through her tears. Her anger was gone completely, leaving sorrow and concern in its place. 

“I know,” Roy reassured her, gripping her hand tightly in her lap. “I know. I will tell you, I promise, but I… I can’t right now,” he added feeling helpless.

Riza nodded, her eyes understanding. “That’s fine, but don’t come home drunk like that again,” she warned quietly, wiping at her eyes. “I won’t have that in front of Mia.”

Roy’s stomach tightened, and he nodded. “Absolutely. I’m sorry. I lost control last night. I…” He sighed. “I can’t promise it won’t happen again if something sets me off.”

“Soldiers who have experienced war are rarely able to turn it off on a whim, I know that.”

“I won’t bring it home,” he promised. “I said I didn’t want to taint you both with it, and I did that last night. I’m sorry.”

Riza let out a loud sigh, followed by a short silence. “That’s all I ask for.” Riza met his gaze as she squeezed his hand. She offered him a small smile. Roy leaned in and kissed her, pressing his forehead against hers after it. “Thank you, for telling me about the alchemy too,” Riza stated quietly. “It makes me happier about my decision to burn the tattoo.”

Roy stiffened. “I know I failed you in that regard. I used it for something terrible.”

“What’s important now is what you do to redeem yourself of it.” Riza looked up at him with determined eyes. “We have to work through this. _You _have to.” Roy stood and wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders. Riza remained seated, clutching onto his forearm.

“I will. For both our sakes. It’s our burden to bear, and one I must rectify.”

“I’ll support you along every step of the way,” she whispered. “It’s the least I could do, after what I set loose into the world.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

“Oh, I know,” Riza smirked. She pulled away as the smile dropped. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I still feel all over the place.” Riza pressed a hand to cover her face, then took a deep breath, letting it out in a rush. When she pulled it away, Roy watched her expression instantly turn calm. “And I hate it. I hate not being in control of how I’m feeling.”

Taking a seat, Roy had always marvelled at her ability to change her expression like that in an instant. He would say it was a gift, but it was the result of her abusive father’s upbringing. Still, she was more in control of her emotions and her mental state that Roy envied her. She was _such_ a strong individual. Roy aspired to be more like her, and drew on that strength from Riza, and from their daughter. That’s why he hadn’t completely lost it already and turned to the whims of his more intrusive thoughts. He’d almost sought out his service weapon. Not to do anything, but just to hold it, to feel the weight and the power in his hands… Then he’d heard Hughes talking to Riza and it had drawn him up short. Then they’d gone home and he’d seen her. Roy had been horrified with himself that he’d even considered it. He couldn’t leave her alone. Not again. Besides, he’d promised Riza he wouldn’t.

Last night was when Roy realised he seriously needed help. Not only for his sake, but for his family’s too.

“You hate crying,” Roy added with a small smile, placing a hand on top of her head, running his fingers through her hair.

“I do!” Riza agreed, her tone lightening. “I hate the way it makes me feel. Plus, I look a sight now.” She wiped at her red and puffy eyes.

“You look beautiful.”

“You’re biased,” she replied petulantly.

“Maybe,” Roy agreed with a smile. “But it’s true, and always will be. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world, Riza Mustang. No one could ever replace you.”


	9. stand by me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> royai fluff is good for the soul uwu
> 
> song for this chapter: ben e king - stand by me

## 1910

** **

** _no i won't be afraid, oh i won't be afraid,_ **

** _just as long as you stand, stand by me_ **

“I’m heading out East for a few days,” Roy announced one morning over breakfast.

“Oh?” Riza asked, expertly catching drool Mia had decided to try drip onto her new sundress. Of course, Mia thought this was hilarious, and tried to spit out more, which prompted a firm telling off from her mother. “What for?”

“There’s been reports of two highly skilled alchemists, and I’ve been asked to recruit them. Although, I don’t know how well that will go,” he mused to himself, eyes still scanning the newspaper in front of him.

“When do you leave?” she asked, catching Mia’s drool-soaked fist before she could start flailing it around. “Sweetie, eat your food, not your hand.” Mia squealed and tried to flail her arm around. Unhappy at the resistance against her fist, Mia frowned and let her indignation show with an annoyed cry.

“Tomorrow. Is that okay?” he asked, finally looking up from his paper. Riza heard him laugh, and she glanced up at him. She was currently wrestling their one year old, trying to get Mia to eat her breakfast, and must have looked a sight.

“I guess I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“I can put it off until next week. We can arrange a babysitter for Mia, and the two of us could go together? We haven’t really had any time together since she was born.”

“What are you talking about? We’ve had every day together.”

Roy chuckled, standing to help his wife clean their child’s hands. “I meant like a holiday.”

“A holiday?” Riza echoed. She’d never had a holiday before. Never gone away to a different country to enjoy some time to herself. It sounded appealing enough, especially if she was going to be there with Roy.

“Yes. Going to the country isn’t much, I know, but you deserve a break.”

“I don’t know if I know the meaning of that word,” Riza sighed, taking Mia’s half eaten bowl of porridge over to the sink, giving up. The toddler was clearly more interested in playing with it than eating it. Riza jumped in surprise when Roy wrapped his arms around her from behind.

“Exactly. You work so hard, and you’ve put up with so much since… Well, you’ve put up with so much from me.” He kissed her temple as she washed Mia’s bowl. “And my work. If you want, we can arrange it?”

Riza smiled to herself. “That would be lovely.” Mia began to cry loudly when she realised she wasn’t getting her new toy back. Riza sighed. “In an ideal world.” Escaping gently from his hold, Riza approached her daughter. “Come here, sweetie. Let’s go and get some of your other toys. Preferably ones that don’t leave food all over the furniture or myself. How about that?”

“Riza –”

Roy was interrupted by Mia’s piercing cry. Riza flinched as it shot straight into her ear. “Wow, you have a set of lungs on you this morning, baby girl,” Riza grimaced, bouncing their child up and down. “Do you need your nappy changed? Is that why you’re so grumpy?”

“I have to leave for work,” Roy sighed, defeated.

“Okay, see you tonight.” Riza’s farewell was distracted as Mia screamed again, little tears dripping down her cheeks. “Oh, baby. Calm down, it’s okay. Sorry, Roy,” she added, turning to face him. “That sounds like a lovely idea. We can talk about it tonight?” she offered.

“Of course.” He kissed her cheek in farewell. “Bye, Mia,” he stated, running his hand over the top of their daughter’s head, his fingers brushing through her soft, black, hair. Their daughter looked up at him with large, wet eyes, as if begging him not to leave them. “Be good for Mummy, okay?”

She stopped crying at least, and watched her father leave to go to work. Riza sighed in relief, glad he’d managed to stop her crying, even if it was unintentional.

* * *

“So, what do you think?” Roy asked, rolling over in bed to face her.

“About?” Riza asked distractedly, continuing to write in her journal. It had been something she’d started when Mia was born – a way to record all her developments to show Roy when he got home, and now it was a habit. She’d like to read back on it one day in the future to remember.

“Going away on holiday,” Roy elaborated.

She’d forgotten he’d brought it up this morning. It sounded lovely. She’d always wanted to go and visit the countries she’d read about in books as a child, but they weren’t exactly the richest family growing up and after her mother died, that wasn’t even an option. Tomorrow would be too soon, but another time, absolutely.

“That sounds lovely,” Riza stated with a soft smile.

“I sense there’s a “but” coming.”

“Hm?” Riza asked, finally finishing her sentence. She closed the journal and met his gaze. He was lying on his side, his head propped up in his hand.

“If you’re not interested, that’s okay too –”

“No, I am,” Riza quickly interrupted. She grasped his free hand tightly. “Believe me, I am. It’s never been a possibility before and… Well, you know when you want to go out and do something, but it seems so impossible and difficult, you think it will never happen?”

“Intimately,” Roy stated dryly.

Riza smiled back. Of course, he knew. The path to the top of the military and redemption certainly wasn’t going to be an easy road. “That’s what it felt like for me growing up. I read about all these places and countries in books as a child, but they always felt like fairy tales. I knew I would never get the chance to go so it was a dream that would never happen.”

“Do you still think that now?” Roy asked quietly. He’d removed his hand from her grip and had begun to stroke his fingers lightly up her arm. Riza shivered in response, and that made him grin.

Riza tilted her head in thought. “I’d still never considered it, to be honest. Mia was top priority for me, then after she hit six months it was applying for schools to get into teaching. Other things just took over, so yeah, a little bit.”

“We should fix that, then,” Roy smiled.

“Tomorrow is too soon, though.” No one would be able to watch Mia.

“That’s okay. I knew it would be short notice. Another time, then?”

“That would be lovely. I’d really like that.”

Roy lifted her hand to kiss the back of it. “Your wish is my command, my lady.”

Riza chuckled. Placing the journal on her bedside, she slid down in the bed and snuggled up close to him.

As more time had passed – Riza didn’t think it was possible – but she fell more in love with this man. They weren’t perfect, they still struggled with things. Roy had become better about dealing with Ishval, but still wasn’t great. Riza made it a point to avoid everything mentioning it at home, to avoid the chance of him going back there mentally. She didn’t want that. There were still nightmares, and she tried her best to talk him out of them and calm him down. Sometimes they were visceral, and she couldn’t, but she still tried. She always tried to be there, and Roy told her it was a massive help. There were nights when he’d snap out of it and burst into tears. Riza would join him shortly afterwards, scared for him, but he’d just hold her in a crushing embrace and fall back asleep again. One thing he always did, was thank her profusely. She told him not to mention it, that’s what she was there for, but he continued to do it every time. Riza was just glad she could help. She’d hate to think what he was like if he was by himself and going through it alone.

There were other days where he’d break down randomly. Something would set him off, some _tiny_ thing, and he’d be terrified, muttering about how he didn’t deserve her, and didn’t deserve to have a child. That worried Riza more than anything, afraid of what he’d push himself to. She’d consulted Maes, who silently acknowledged her request, and said he’d talk to him. Nothing more was said on the matter, and Riza didn’t know how to feel about that. She was still worried, but Riza had accepted she was always going to worry about him, the same way she felt about Mia.

The ugly head of her childhood insecurities reared up, a quiet voice in her mind whispering that he was shutting her out again, but Riza silenced it quickly. Roy had told her over and over again that wasn’t the case, and she trusted him completely. She always would.

Despite saying how he didn’t deserve her, or a child, in his darkest moment, Roy was a wonderful father. He fell into the role perfectly, like he was made for it. Mia adored him so much. Every time he walked in from work her little face would light up and she’d crawl hurriedly over to his feet, begging to be lifted into his arms. Together they looked almost identical. She took more after Roy than she did Riza in looks, and that warmed her heart. She could be a little terror, but both Riza and Roy couldn’t imagine their lives without her.

“I love you,” Roy whispered, breaking Riza from her thoughts. He lifted his hand to her cheek, cupping it gently, then slid his fingers through her hair.

“I love you too,” she smiled.

“What are you thinking about?” he wondered, shuffling closer. Riza slotted her head under his chin, like she fit perfectly.

“Just how lucky I am to have you, and to have Mia.”

Roy was silent for a moment, running his hand down her back. “Me too.”

“I love you both so much, sometimes I can’t believe it,” she chuckled. “Like it doesn’t seem real.”

“It’s very real, don’t worry,” Roy reassured her with a quiet laugh.

“I… I don’t know if I ever told you this,” she whispered, feeling the urge to voice something that had been sitting inside of her for a while. There had never been a chance to bring it up. She’d been too busy focussing on him and Mia that she’d never taken a little time for herself.

“What?” Roy asked, angling his head to kiss the top of it.

“… I don’t know, it sounds silly.”

“I bet it won’t. You can tell me anything.”

“I know that, but it’s so small and insignificant…”

“If it’s how you’re felling, it will never be insignificant.”

Riza smiled against his chest. “Okay.” She took a deep breath, still feeling foolish for even feeling this way. “I don’t know. Sometimes this feels like a dream – the three of us together. It hasn’t been perfect.” Roy hummed in agreement. “But we’ve both worked so hard to help you and to watch Mia grow up. I can’t believe she’s one.”

“Me neither,” Roy admitted with a chuckle. “She’s growing up too fast.”

“She is.”

“But that wasn’t what you wanted to say, was it?”

He always managed to worm it out of her somehow. “No.”

“Take your time. I’ll be here for you when you do.”

“It’s silly,” Riza chuckled, a hint of nervousness in her tone. “But sometimes I think it will just all disappear.”

Roy stopped his movements on her back. “In what way?”

“Like it’s all a dream and I’ll wake up back in that house with him again.” The mistake was letting her voice go quiet and reserved. Roy sensed something was off, so he pulled back to get a look at her face.

“Do you think about this often?”

Riza nodded. “It’s a dream I have sometimes. It’s horrible,” she admitted in a whisper, feeling terror gripping her heart. One thing in this life she never wanted to lose, was him or Mia. That would break her completely.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked gently, his tone lightly accusatory.

Riza shrugged, dropping her gaze. “Like I said, it’s silly. It won’t happen. That’s in the past.”

“But it upsets you, doesn’t it?” Riza nodded. “Oh, Riza.” Roy pulled her in close to his body. Riza curled against it, grateful for the comfort. Sometimes those dreams did come, and they turned into nightmares. She never told Roy because next to his nightmares, they _were_ insignificant. That was nothing compared to dealing with memories of war. Plus, she’d been so busy with school and Mia, she’d forced it out of her head. “Why didn’t you say?” His hands returned to rubbing up and down her back.

“It wasn’t important,” she muttered quietly. She didn’t want him to hear but needed to get it out.

“It’s _always_ important,” Roy replied fiercely. Riza curled in tighter. “How you’re feeling is always important to me.” He squeezed her tightly for a long moment, then let go. “Is it because of what I’ve been going through.”

Riza didn’t reply for a long time. She nodded, because it was true. She could handle a silly little dream about her going back in time. Compared to Roy’s nightmares, her dreams were nothing.

“I’m sorry if I made it feel like your thoughts were insignificant,” he murmured sadly. His hands were rubbing up and down her back.

“No, it wasn’t you.”

“What then?” he asked gently.

“_I_ thought that. I could handle it, too. Plus, it made me feel foolish after helping you through with yours. You went to _war_, Roy. You’re not having a silly dream about your family disappearing and you going back in time.”

“It’s still valid,” he replied fiercely. “It’s a genuine fear, losing two people who mean the world to you. I feel the same way. I don’t care what’s going on, _please_ tell me if something upsets you like this again. You don’t need to shoulder it alone. You did enough of that already,” he added quietly, referring to when he’d gone off to fight, leaving her behind and pregnant. Well, that’s how he viewed it. He did what he had to do, and Riza wouldn’t fault him for that.

“Okay, I will.” Her tone was resolute. In the future, she would.

Roy let out a long breath. “Thank you. And I promise, I’m not going anywhere, unless you ask me to.”

“Okay.”

“You’re stuck with me, Riza Mustang.” His tone held amusement. “Whether you like it or not.”

Riza curled into him even further, unable to stop the smile from spreading across her face. “I like the sound of that,” she whispered.


	10. surprise when they find out that a warrior will soon run wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the missed week in posting! D: i'm all good! last week shit hit the fan with our dear friend covid-19 where i am and i was too busy spending the weekend trying to find out if my parents could get home from poland or not! (they did btw) and i didn't even notice i'd missed a week until last night D: it's like that weird time in between christmas and new year where you don't know what day it is anymore and have no concept of time
> 
> i hope everyone is being safe and sensible in this time <3 don't panic buy bc there's no need, stay home, and wash your hands!!!
> 
> song for this chapter: jeff williams feat. casey lee williams – this will be the day

##  **1910**

** _surprise when they find out that a warrior will soon run wild_ **

“Two kids?” Riza asked, confused as to why the military would want to recruit children into their ranks. It didn’t sit right with her, but after Ishval nothing the military did sitsat well with her. She’d heard enough from Roy to begin to recognise the propaganda when she saw it.

“Yeah, two children. Can you believe it?” He’d changed into t-shirt and sweatpants and crawled onto the floor of their living room, ending flat on his stomach. Mia was sitting in there on her playmat, who grinned at the sight of him. Propping his head up on his hand, elbow on the floor, Roy picked up one of her toys and began to entertain her.

“Why two children?”

“Initially there was a mix up with the paperwork, so I went ahead anyway to investigate what had happened.”

“But they’re _children_. What use has the military got for them?”

He shrugged. “They’re extremely gifted alchemists.”

“And did you recruit them?”

“I said my piece,” he replied, shaking the rattle in front of Mia. She had her little brown blanket with a bear’s head attached to the end gripped in one hand and was reaching for the rattle with the other. “I don’t know if they will. If they do, it can give them unlimited resources for them to research for a way to get their bodies back.”

Their daughter had become extremely attached to that bear blanket very early on. She wanted it everywhere with her and would _not_ sleep without it. If either parent dared to even try and pry it away from her, it started a screaming match. They’d quickly learned from their mistake and made sure she slept with it next to her every night. And, from then on, the nickname Mia Bear was born. Roy had been very proud as he coined it. It was the most endearing sight.

“… Bodies back?” Riza asked almost fearfully, closing her book.

Roy nodded, his face dropping his smile for Mia and becoming more serious. “They committed the taboo – human transmutation.”

“What did they lose?” She placed her book down on the cushion next to her.

Riza had grown up around alchemy all her life. When her mother was living, both her mother and her father would teach her about it, seeing if she had the aptitude for the science. When they found out she didn’t, they were disappointed. Thankfully, it was brushed off with smiles and a “_never mind_”. Although initially crestfallen, it was quickly dropped and they didn’t seem fazed that their daughter couldn’t perform the science. It was never mentioned again. However, after her mother died, Berthold liked to throw it back in her face at every opportunity he could. It turned out he held it against her completely. What was the point in having a daughter, Berthold wondered out loud, when she couldn’t even help him with his prized research?

The one thing that had been drilled into her during teaching was the rules of alchemy, regardless of whether she could do it or not. The idea of human transmutation terrified her as a child and her mother was glad for it. Riza’s mother wasn’t pleased she’d scared her daughter. No, she was glad Riza feared the taboo and understood the power and consequence it held.

Roy was silent as he smiled at Mia for a few moments, entertaining their daughter. “One lost an arm and a leg.” Riza swallowed.

“And the other?” she whispered.

Roy hesitated. It looked like he really didn’t want to share the answer out loud, and it caused the weight in her stomach to become even heavier.

“His whole body.”

“How old are they?”

“Eleven and ten.”

“_What_?”

“I know,” Roy replied grimly. He shifted in place, picking up Mia from her playmat. He hugged her close, giving her a kiss.

“What did the parents say?” Riza asked.

“There are none.”

“Oh my god.” Her heart broke for the two of them. They’d suffered like that, almost losing everything, but there was no one to comfort them afterwards? No mother or father to offer support? Riza wanted to go over there right now and bring them to her home. She knew what it was like to have no parental figures in her life growing up. She wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially not two boys who had lost so much at the same time.

“I know.” Roy kissed Mia’s head again and stood, moving to sit on the couch next to Riza. “It made me think about what I’d feel like if it had been Mia,” he admitted. 

“That’s awful. Those poor boys.”

Although the lesson of human transmutation had been drilled into her at a young age, Riza hadn’t realised the price to carry out the taboo would be so high. How could one physically lose an arm and a leg because of alchemy? Or their whole body? She felt so sorry for those two boys.

“So, are you going to recruit them?”

“In an ideal world, no. I don’t want them to be a part of the military. They’re _far_ too young. Being State Alchemists, if a war starts, they’ll be called up to serve.” 

Fear prickled over her skin. “That can’t happen.”

Roy sighed. “I know. And I’ll do everything in my power to stop it.”

“I sense there’s a “but” here.”

“If they do join, it will give them access to the Central Library – the largest in Amestris. It will help them research how to reverse the effects of the transmutation.”

“Can’t you do that for them?”

“I could, but something tells me those boys will want to do it themselves. There was a fire in that boy’s eyes,” Roy mused, trailing off. “He won’t be beaten down so easily.”

“They’ll join then, won’t they?” Riza ran her finger over Mia’s cheek gently making her giggle. She couldn’t bear the thought of something like that happening to her little girl.

“Probably. They’re determined, and extremely gifted. If anyone could figure it out, they could.”

“Wait, you said one had lost his entire body?”

Roy nodded. “His brother bonded his soul to a suit of armour.”

“That’s… Well, horrifying as a mother, but also incredible.”

“I know. The kid is insanely gifted. To be able to do that at the age of eleven, that’s crazy.”

“You were almost knocking the house down with your alchemy at the age of eleven,” Riza teased.

“That was _one_ time, and that support beam was old and crooked anyway.”

Riza chuckled to herself, bumping his shoulder with her own.

“I’m prepared to help them in any way I can. I just hope it will be enough.”

“Will they be assigned under you?”

“That’s what I’ve requested. Under my command, they can have all the freedom they like. High command won’t like it, but if it's disguised as a mission then they have nothing to complain about.”

“You’re not exactly playing by the book here, Lieutenant Colonel,” Riza replied, smiling wryly.

“There’s too much corruption in there anyway. The way to the top starts here,” he replied confidently. She watched the determination set in his face, but then softened as Mia giggled to herself, playing with his fingers.“Listen, there’s something else I wanted to discuss with you. I personally hate it, but my mother said it may work in my favour to cover up how quickly I’m trying to move up the ranks.”

“What is it?”

Roy sighed. “Madame Christmas suggested using the cover of a “playboy” as a smokescreen when dealing with her.” His tone was exasperated, as if this was an old argument with his mother. Riza always thought it amusing that he referred to his adoptive mother as “Madame”, however it was probably just a habit at this point.

“What do you mean?”

He looked uncomfortable continuing. “I go out with the Madame’s girls as a cover – a way to gather intel on the higher ups in the military.”

“Go out?” she echoed.

“To dinner. To bars for the night.” He never looked her in the eye, still looking uncomfortable, but also extremely nervous. “So I’ll look like a bit of a womanizer.” Riza chuckled to herself, and that made Roy’s head snap around to face her. He obviously didn’t expect that reaction. “What?” he asked, thoroughly confused.

“You? A womanizer?” she chuckled again, shaking her head. “You’re anything but a womanizer.”

“I could turn it on when I need to,” he replied, indignant.

“I’ve yet to see that.” Riza stood and moved her book to the table beside the couch, however she was stopped by Roy grabbing her hand.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked, looking worried.

“Nothing, Roy,” Riza replied, after a moment’s pause. “It’s just… You’re such a dork,” she smiled. “You’re not a suave, charismatic person. Even when we were kids, you tried to be but ended up falling on your ass one way or another.” She laughed to herself, one particular memory springing to mind. He’d been dead set on being the only one to repair the leaking roof in Riza’s childhood home. He’d climbed up, lasted five minutes, and then fell off. Riza had to patch him up, put his arm in a sling, and then went up there to fix it herself.

“Do you want me to be like that?”

Riza was confused. “No. I want you to be yourself. I want you to be the man I fell in love with.”

In an unanticipated move, Roy placed Mia in her playpen in the corner of the room, then strode back over to his wife, placing his hands on her hips. Smiling, Riza locked her arms around his neck.

“I love you. So much.”

“And I love you too, Roy,” Riza smiled. He kissed her slowly, tenderly, making her sigh into it. His hands began to gently tug her shirt out of her skirt. Riza broke away and laughed. “Not while Mia is here.”

He pressed his forehead against hers and groaned. “We need that holiday.”

Riza pulled away to look at him. “Do you really want to go?”

“Of course. I’d love to do anything with you. I feel like I hardly see you nowadays.” Frustration laced his tone.

“You’re busy with work. I get that. I’m busy with school, and with looking after Mia.”

“It shouldn’t just be you doing that thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s my child too, and I feel like I never see her. By the time I get home from the office, I get maybe an hour with her and then she’s off to bed. You get all day with her and I hardly get anything.”

“That can’t be helped though. You’re in a high demand position,” Riza reminded him. Then, in a quieter tone, she added, “And you have work to do. For both of us.”

“I know,” he replied, tone sombre. Roy sighed. “I just don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck in the house with her all day. You’re a young woman. You should be out and enjoying yourself.”

“Hard to do that with a one year old,” Riza quipped with a smirk. “However, I’m married to the man I love. I have a beautiful daughter _with you_. I wouldn’t trade that for the world.”

Roy hugged her close, allowing Riza to bow her head and rest it on his shoulder. Roy pressed his cheek against the top of her head, making her smile.

“Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you’d joined the military.” One night, after one of his nightmares, they’d stayed up talking about their past to try and distract Roy from the horrors he’d witnessed in sleep. Riza had revealed she was thinking of joining the military after him, to help him pursue his dream, but of course, that never came to pass.

Riza nodded. “Occasionally, yes, but then I wouldn’t have Mia and I hate the thought of that.” The two glanced over towards their daughter who was squealing happily in her pen, entertaining herself with her toys. They smiled softly.

“I do too.” They swayed in place to the song that had just come on the radio. Roy cradled her close, and Riza closed her eyes, focusing on the sound of his heart underneath her ear, and the feeling of his hands on her body.

“About what I mentioned before, what the Madame brought up, would you be okay with it?”

“You, dating other women?”

“No, not dating. And not other women. My sisters.”

“_That’s_ a bit weird, Roy,” she teased, making him scoff.

“No. Not that.” He huffed in frustration. “It’s not a date. I’ll just be meeting up with my sisters for dinner and drinks from time to time.”

Riza was still confused. “That’s a perfectly normal thing to do.”

“Yes, but… No one knows they’re my adoptive sisters. No one knows the Madame is my adoptive mother.” He shifted uncomfortably. “People will probably think I’m out dating them and cheating on you.”

“Ah.” Understanding dawned on Riza. _That’s _what he was worried about.

“Obviously I’m not. They’re all the Madame’s informants and utilising their skills and information would give me dirt on the top brass, possibly allowing me to move up the ranks faster.”

“Blackmail is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?” she quipped.

“I like to think of it as more…”

“Exploiting weaknesses?”

“Using information to discover just how corrupt the military is,” Roy finished. “I’m doing the country a service.”

“Admirable.”

“I’m serious, Riza,” he stated, his voice low. “I’m not a fan, but I need the information they can give me.”

“Then don’t do it then if you’re uncomfortable. Plus,” Riza added, considering her next thought. “If you’re seen as being unfaithful, would you _really_ be promoted? That doesn’t paint a good image.”

“Exactly. I’m kind of stuck on what to do here, but I need that information.”

“What about… someone else doing it for you?” Riza stated slowly, an idea forming in her mind.

“Who?”

“What about me?”

Roy stared at her for a long moment. “Absolutely not.”

“Why not?” she asked, not impressed with the tone he used. It wasn’t a ridiculous idea.

“I’m not getting you involved.”

“I go out for lunch with them all the time anyway. Why can’t I collect some extra information for you while I’m there? I can pick it up for you and bring it home.”

“Riza, no -”

“I can help,” she insisted.

“I’m not involving you in this.”

“I’m already involved,” she replied, her eyes narrowing. “_I_ was the one who let loose the knowledge of flame alchemy. I feel guilty about what happened in Ishval too. This way, I can feel like I’m helping, and not just sitting on the sidelines.”

“You can’t be put in harm’s way,” he whispered, his voice thick. “I would never forgive myself if you were.”

“I won’t be in harm’s way,” she stressed, becoming impatient. “I’ll be picking up a piece of information and delivering it. We chat about anything and everything when we meet up anyway. Adding in a tiny piece of information each time would make no difference.” He sighed in frustration, but Riza’s case was strong. “If I do, it keeps suspicion off you. You can continue your ruse of devoted family man and use that as your cover as you rise up the ranks. It will keep you in the higher up’s good graces. No one likes a known and proud cheater.”

Roy sighed again, pulling away from her as he ran his hands through his hair. He didn’t like it, but Riza could see she’d worn him down slightly. It was the best idea. It was much better than his, pretending to be cheating on her so he could get information. It would keep his relationship with his mother and sisters secret, and wouldn’t jeopardise it for them. It was perfect.

“It will hide your intentions,” Riza argued further.

“It puts you in danger,” he stated firmly.

“Hardly. I’m meeting up for lunch with my family, something I do frequently already. It’s no different from you doing it.”

Roy sighed, finality in the action. His shoulders slumped in defeat.

“You’re intent on this, aren’t you?”

“It’s better than your idea,” she replied gently.

“I… I suppose you're right. Infidelity isn’t something I want to be known for, and will keep suspicion off me, somewhat.”

There was a quiet pause as the decision was absorbed by them both. Riza was doing nothing different from before, however she felt kind of excited. She would finally be getting to help in his rise to the top from a professional side.

“You never told me _why_ you’re so intent on rising to the top so quickly.” Riza had to admit quietly, breaking the silence. It did worry her. He could get into big trouble for this.

“That –” He stopped abruptly and Riza could hear him swallow. “That has to do with Ishval,” he whispered.

Riza nodded. “I understand,” she replied simply, placing a hand on his arm. That said enough. Whatever happened over there, whatever he’d uncovered or realised, Roy felt strongly enough about it to want to take down the Fuhrer.

“Just promise me two things.”

“Anything, love,” he replied in an instant, grasping her hand in both of his, holding it in front of his chest. “You can ask anything you want of me.”

“Anything?” Riza smiled wryly. 

“Anything,” Roy confirmed.

“The moon looks nice tonight.”

“Then I’ll build a ladder up there and bring it to you.” Riza laughed and felt her heart swell with love for this man. He was so good to her. She didn’t know how she’d ended up so lucky. “What is your request, my darling?”

“One, be careful, and stay safe.”

“That’s two,” he joked with a grin.

“I mean it,” she stressed.

Roy kissed her forehead. “Of course. For you, always. I would never leave you or Mia behind.” Good, because that terrified Riza more than anything. “And only if you do, too,” he urged, eyes searching her gaze. His worry had returned tenfold.

“I will.”

He accepted her sincere reply with a quick peck of her cheek. “What’s the other?” he asked.

“You use some of those suave and charismatic moves you were talking about on _me_ some time,” she smirked, winking at him. In response, Roy’s expression turned hungry, desire filling his eyes. She laughed as his hands began to drop lower, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and holding him tightly. His lips found her neck and he reigned kisses down on it, turning her laughs to quiet, breathy moans.

“I always will, my queen,” he whispered against her neck. With one final kiss, he pulled away and stared into her eyes. “Just wait until Mia goes to bed,” he whispered lowly, making her shiver.


	11. you're never gonna be alone, from this moment on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again big shout out to my beta stacy for helping me out with this one. she's been amazing!
> 
> hope you enjoy this one :)
> 
> song for this chapter: nickelback - never gonna be alone

##  **1911**

** _you're never gonna be alone, from this moment on_ **

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Riza asked Rebecca worriedly. It was a little too late to be asking that question now – their train left in twenty minutes – but she had to check.

“Riza, for what feels like the hundredth time, _yes_,” Rebecca chuckled. “It’s absolutely fine. Go and enjoy your break. God knows, you need it.”

“Thanks,” she mumbled sarcastically, handing Rebecca Mia’s overnight bag, who laughed in response.

“Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine, won't we, Mia?” The one year old stared at her Aunt Rebecca and broke out into a large smile, nodding her head slightly. “See!” Rebecca exclaimed. “We’ll be fine!”

Riza cast one long, lasting look at her friend. She wasn’t one hundred percent sure she trusted Rebecca Catalina with her child. The woman was crazy – in the best way. Who knew what mischief they’d both get up to?

“Come on, Love,” Roy chuckled, tugging on Riza’s elbow. The car is loaded up. Let’s get to the station.”

“And when you come back, we have that ball to look forward to next Saturday,” Rebecca winked. “So, practice dancing this weekend!” she called after them. “We need to find me a good man at that ball!”

They were going to Central, staying for two nights, then returning on Sunday. Roy was too busy with work to be able to take some time off, so they’d opted for a weekend. He could still be called away, but it was better than nothing. He’d booked it without telling her, revealing his surprise in the form of a poem in a card for her birthday. The closer their little night crept closer, the more excited Riza became.

She’d never been to Central before. Hell, East City was a shock after her small, quiet hometown. Central was on a whole other level. She’d read all about their capital city when she’d been growing up. She’d fallen in love with the stories of the nightlife, the hustle and bustle of the streets, and the thought of strolling down the streets arm in arm with someone. She never thought that someone would be Roy, but now she was so happy it was.

The train ride was long, reaching Central Station late in the evening. Riza perked up after her nap, gazing out the train window as the landscape passed her by. Green grass turned to grey concrete while tress turned to buildings. She’d never seen so _many_ all cramped together before. East City was surrounded by farmland, so everything was spread out, the buildings weren’t cramped together. Here everything was packed into as little space as possible. Although it was slightly intimidating, it was amazing and completely different from what she was used to.

Their hotel wasn’t far from the station. Roy had booked it and still refused to tell Riza how much it cost a night, but by looking at it she’d say looked incredibly posh. Riza swallowed as she walked in, pulling her cardigan closer to her body in the cool summer evening. She felt a little out of place in those clothes when a bellhop approached them with a smile, suited and booted, equipped with a little red hat to match his red uniform. He took their luggage and directed them to the front desk.

Once in their room, Riza gazed in wonder at how plush it was as she perched on the edge of the bed.

“What do you want to do for dinner?” Roy asked. He sounded tired. Working and then the long hours travelling must have taken it out of him. There were dark circles under his eyes, but Riza didn’t know if it was fatigue, or stress. This whole case with the brothers was wearing on him. He’d been fighting to become their commanding officer, seeing as he’d recruited them, if the opportunity ever arose. The eldest, Edward, hadn’t given his answer yet, however he was currently off the grid as he was getting auto mail surgery to replace his missing limbs. Riza didn’t even know the boy but couldn’t help but worry for him.

“Are you tired?” Riza asked instead with a sympathetic smile.

“That’s a funny answer,” he mumbled, flopping down on their very large, and very expensive looking bed. “That doesn’t sound appetising.”

Riza leaned back slowly, resting her head next to his. With his eyes closed and his face relaxed, he looked like the boy she’d fallen in love with years ago. He almost looked innocent in the dim but atmospheric lighting of the room. If it was a little brighter, she’d see the stress lines on his face, but in this instance, when they were all alone and in their own little world, she was glad she couldn’t.

“Are you?”

“A little,” he yawned loudly. He still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“Is room service an option?” Riza asked. She bit her lip. It would be expensive, she was sure, but he was tired and didn’t want to drag him out to a restaurant to eat when he wasn’t feeling up to it. Besides, she wasn’t even sure where to start in this neighbourhood. Everything looked like a boutique shop, not a restaurant.

Roy groaned loudly in agreement and rolled over, gathering Riza in his arms and moving his body on top of hers. “I like the way you think,” he murmured, leaning down and kissing her. “I’m going to get changed,” he announced, pecking her nose. “I feel icky from the train ride.”

“Icky?” Riza giggled.

“What?” he protested childishly. “It’s a word.”

“Yeah, one Mia would use.” 

Roy stuck out his tongue at her. 

“With that attitude, she _definitely_ takes after you.” 

Roy had disappeared into the bathroom to freshen up, but after Riza had quipped that, he poked his head back through and grinned, his eyes twinkling happily.

After dinner, they curled under the duvet cover on the bed, snuggling close as the radio warbled on with a radio drama. Roy was feeling very affectionate, and the next thing Riza knew, she was underneath him, devoid of clothing, with Roy’s bare chest pressed against hers. His kisses littered her neck, her shoulders, her chest, before moving up to her face. She sighed into him, running her hands over his strong shoulders, feeling the muscle underneath his skin.

There was a knock at the door.

Roy moved to her lips, capturing them gently in his teeth before letting go. Riza whimpered, pressing herself harder against his body, eager for more. He moved across to her ear, nipping the lobe in between his teeth gently, but making her gasp.

Another knock.

“Roy,” she whispered breathily. He grunted in response, not once letting up his loving assault on her ear before beginning to stray lower to her throat. “There’s someone at the door.”

_Knock. Knock_.

Roy took a moment to stop. He either hadn’t heard the knock or was too lost in the moment to register it. It made a thrill fly through her body that he was so intent on her in that moment. He was always attentive, and even to this day she was amazed by it. Growing up she’d been made to feel so unloved by her father that she never thought she’d find it with someone. She was glad it was Roy.

Riza hated to do it, but they wouldn’t go away. She felt irritation and frustration begin to build in her chest. She just wanted to be left _alone_ this weekend. Was that too much to ask? Roy finally stopped, heaving a sigh. His head bowed as the person knocked again, pressing his forehead to hers.

“Lieutenant Colonel Mustang?” the voice called out. Roy groaned in response, rolling off her. He kicked off the sheet while Riza pulled it over her exposed body, shivering as the cool air hit her skin. He’d been keeping her warm.

“Who is it?” Riza asked uncertainly. She didn’t know if he was frustrated or angry. She couldn’t tell from the angle, but from the set of his shoulders and the way he marched over to the door, she settled on angry.

Clothes thrown hastily on, Roy opened the door.

“Lieutenant Colonel, sir,” the man greeted. “There is a call for you at reception.”

“Who’s calling?” he asked. Riza could hear the irritable edge to his voice.

“A General Grumman, sir.”

Riza froze in place.

She heard Roy sigh, but barely. _Is it **him**?_

“Understood. I’ll be down in five minutes.”

“Excellent, sir. I’ll pass on the message.”

“Thank you.” The door closed quietly and Riza watched as he walked defeatedly back to the bed. “I have to go and take a call.” He apologised with his eyes, his expression, and his tone. “Sorry.”

Riza smiled at him. “That’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he grumbled. “I want to stay here… curled up with you.”

Riza chuckled, grasping his chin lightly as he leaned towards her. She kissed him quickly. “I understand. Go and do what you have to do, Roy Mustang.”

“What I _have_ to do and what I _want_ to do are two extremely different things.”

“You work for the military,” Riza reminded him gently. “I understand that. Go and speak to your General. At least now I know who’s more important to you,” she joked, laughing at his expression.

“That’s not funny,” he deadpanned.

For her joke, she received a fierce kiss – one with the promise that there was more to come when she returned. Before he turned and walked away, Roy held her gaze. There was a fire burning in her eyes, and it made her heart flutter to realise it was burning for her.

Riza settled back in her pillows and closed her eyes with a smile, excited for what this weekend would hold for them.

And _wow_. She’d never enquired who Roy served under, but never imagined it would be her grandfather.

* * *

She’d fallen asleep before he’d returned from his call. Either she was more exhausted than she thought, or he’d been on the phone for a very long time. It was a luxury, Riza noticed too, that she could fall asleep so freely. It was always after Mia went down, and during the night it was like being in between waking and sleeping, anticipating when Mia would wake up for a feed or just to fuss. However, he couldn’t have been too mad at her because when Riza awoke, his arm was wrapped tightly around her stomach and his breath tickled the back of her neck every time he breathed. She smiled to herself, gripping the hand on her stomach tightly as she entwined their fingers, cuddling back in.

“Go back to sleep,” Roy mumbled into her hair sleepily.

Riza chuckled to herself. She almost argued it, but then remembered Mia wasn’t here. She didn’t need to get up and make up a bottle or make her breakfast. Roy’s relaxing ministrations managed to coax her back to sleep, but that didn’t take too much convincing.

He woke her up the next time by kissing her cheek. The bed dipped behind her and Riza rolled over with a smile, watching him yawn, stretch, and walk to the bathroom. The morning light streamed through the gold curtains, basking the room in a golden glow. Riza was still in awe at the grandness of the place. Everything was gold or cream, but it was tasteful. It didn’t look tacky, but it certainly looked expensive. On the one hand, she was secretly thrilled to live in such luxury for once in her life. On the other, she was worried. Just how much did this place cost? Could they afford it? Roy got more than enough money being a State Alchemist, but that was for research purposes. Personal holidays weren’t research purposes.

“Sorry about last night,” he murmured, snuggling back up to her again once he’d returned form the bathroom. He placed his head on her shoulder, pulling the duvet right up to their chins.

“It’s all right,” she reassured him, rolling over so she was facing him. Riza ran her hands through his hair. “What was it about?”

Roy seemed to stiffen under her hand, but Riza pretended not to notice. She continued playing with his hair. “I wish I could tell you, but it’s military business. It’s not supposed to be shared around.”

Riza nodded to herself. That was fair, she supposed. It wasn’t important to her anyway. She was merely curious as to what could have possibly dragged her husband away from his short break at ten o’clock on a Saturday night.

“It must have been important,” Riza murmured. 

“It… Yes. It was.” She said nothing else but stopped moving her hands. “Like I said, I’d love to tell you, but until… _other_ things happen first, this has to be confidential.”

“Okay.”

Roy moved and positioned his body so he could get a better look at her. “Sorry,” he replied sheepishly.

“It’s not your fault.” Riza shrugged. “I was merely curious.”

“I know, but I hate keeping things from you.”

A wry smile spread across her face. “A military secret is fair enough.”

“Regardless, I still hate it.” He shuffled onto his pillow and made himself comfortable. “I wish I could tell you everything.”

Riza swallowed, knowing he was referring to Ishval. “Some things are best kept secret, though,” she whispered.

She’d only wanted to know so she could find a way to help him. It was never a morbid curiosity. She knew flame alchemy was a touchy subject. He never used it in the house. Before he’d gone to war Roy had used it all the time. Riza had joked he was getting lazy because instead of getting up off the couch, he’d just snap and light the fire in the fireplace. He used the excuse that he was too comfortable with her pressed against his chest to move, but Riza knew it was the convenience. Hell, he’s used it to light the gas hob for cooking. Granted the first time he’d almost burnt the house down, so he never used it again, but still. It was prevalent in their lives. Now, there was no mention of it. There was no use. His gloves were in a briefcase in his sock drawer, buried underneath the fabric. They never came out again, only for work.

“Agreed,” Roy mumbled. “I…” He heaved a sigh.

“Roy, it’s okay. I don’t need or want to know what happened out there,” she reassured him. It felt like they always came back to this. To say she didn’t care was too blasé, but she didn’t mind. It wasn’t a deal breaker with her. “I’d only asked so I could possibly find a way to help you.”

“It’s not that,” he stated. He pushed himself up onto his elbow. “It’s… It’s all just sitting up there. When I fall asleep, I’m afraid of what will come in the darkness.” His admission was whispered, fearful.

Riza pressed a hand to his cheek. “I know.”

“When you’re not next to me it’s hard. Very hard. Sometimes I just can’t do it. I do have insomnia – the doctor diagnosed me with that.”

“When?” she asked, brow furrowing. He’d never mentioned going to a doctor.

He looked sheepish. “A few months after coming home.” 

Riza sighed. She wished he’d told her, but there was nothing she could do about it now. At least he’d told her. 

“I’m a hypocrite – saying I hate keeping things from you – but it's only because I don’t want you to worry.”

“That’s always going to happen, so don’t worry,” Riza admitted.

Roy grasped her hands tightly. “I know,” he admitted solemnly.

“What else is there?”

Roy shook his head. “Nothing you don’t already know. I promise.”

“PTSD?”

Roy nodded. “I figured you already knew that though. I knew you were aware of it after I kept waking up with nightmares. It was obvious.”

Riza nodded. “I read up on it. I read up on a lot. I just wanted to understand. And to be honest… I already knew about your insomnia.” She glanced up at him from staring at his chest. “That was kind of a given. I noticed you weren’t sleeping.”

Roy lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. “I appreciate that. A _lot_. You have no idea.”

“I don’t want you struggling alone.”

“And I don’t want you to worry.” He chuckled. “This isn’t going to work.”

“I know. It won’t.”

Roy looked down at their hands. “I’m trying to be better. It’s… Well, to say it’s getting easier to deal with over time would feel like an insult to the people’s memory.” _The people he’s killed_. “And it’s not. But I’m striving to be better. Being at work helps because it gives me purpose and direction to prevent something like that from happening again.” His head moved up, so his gaze was on her. “Being at home helps too. I look at you and Mia and would _hate_ it if you were put through that too. The thought of you both got me through Ishval. It brought me home.” He bowed his head. “If I didn’t have you, I don’t know what I would have done.”

_Suicide_. Riza swallowed. Maes had told her stories of Roy’s mental state over there. When he’d been passed out in their bed the night after his drunken outburst, Maes had filled her in on some details. She’d felt dirty doing it, but Roy wouldn’t open up and she was _so worried_ for him. He’d been talking like he didn’t deserve a child. Riza was afraid of what he’d do to himself. She just wanted to look out for him.

“Maes told me,” she admitted quietly.

Roy’s eyes widened, then narrowed slightly. “What did he tell you?”

Riza bit her lip. She had to tell him. It wasn’t fair for her to preach about him sharing things when she kept things herself.

“You took what happened hard,” she whispered. She was scared to tell him. Who could blame her? When she’d kept something from her father years ago, he’d flown into a rage and hit her. Just once, but she’d been terrified. She spent the next month of the scorching summer wearing jumpers to hide the mark. She hated keeping things from people. She had to tell Roy. She was just afraid of how he would react. Nothing like Berthold – he was dead and gone in the past – but it was still nerve wracking.

“You struggled a lot,” Riza continued. “But he also told me that Mia and I got you through it.”

“I’m going to kill him,” Roy muttered.

Riza stiffened like a board. The memory of the ache in her arm flashed in her mind. Roy didn’t seem to notice.

Roy sighed. “I’m not going to kill him,” he grumbled. “I just…” He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I don’t know. I wanted to tell you myself, I suppose,” he chuckled, but it looked strained.

“He also said that just being there for you would help. I’d asked him how I could.”

“He was right.”

Riza gripped his hand tightly. “We will _always_ be here for you, okay?” she stressed, her expression determined. “I’ll always be here for you to return home to.”

Roy smiled at her softly. He leaned forward, kissing her. “Thank you. I know I can be a pain in the ass, and I can be difficult – especially about all of this stuff –”

“You’re stuck with me, Roy,” Riza interrupted him. “You’re not going to push me away, I’m afraid.”

“Thank you for putting up with me.” Roy kissed her forehead. “And for the reassurance. It helps a lot.”

“I just want you to be okay,” Riza whispered. “I want you by my side forever.”

“Forever, huh?” he asked.

Riza nodded. “Forever,” she confirmed, her tone sincere.

“I think I can try and do that for you, if you’ll have.”

“Always.” Riza punctuated her response with a fierce kiss. “Just promise me you won’t leave,” she whispered against him.

“I won’t,” Roy vowed. “Not like that again.”

That was all she needed.


	12. this old heart darlin’ is weak for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here comes team mustang!!! :D
> 
> song for this chapter: the isley brothers – this old heart of mine (is weak for you)

##  **1911**

** _i love you_ **

** _this old heart darlin’ is weak for you_ **

Their holiday was a welcome break from their usual busy lives and while they’d both missed Mia terribly, they had to admit that it was _nice_ not having to look after a toddler all day.

The next week was a complete blur. Riza’s teaching classes could be done from home. She had to attend the East City University in the morning to collect her paperwork for the day, which was a welcome exercise because the walk to the university meant Riza could give Mia her mid-morning nap. Then, she had two days to complete whatever she’d been given by her professor. It was a system that worked and Riza just hoped it always would. 

At this pace she’d be a qualified teacher in two years. It was an exciting concept. Riza loved Mia, but she didn’t want to be a stay at home mother her whole life. She became restless after being in their apartment for too long, longing to go out and see what the city had to offer her that day. Riza wanted to learn and explore. There was so much knowledge out there in the world and so many places to see. Riza, now with the freedom she’d craved her whole childhood, wanted to see it all. Taking Mia along for the ride made it even more enjoyable.

The weekend after their short getaway, they found themselves in East City Town Hall, at a military ball. Roy was required to go and Riza was interested to see what this kind of party was about. She expected there to be stuck up big wigs in the military parading about with their medals, and Roy told her she wouldn’t be far off. It was a lot of sucking up to the higher echelon of the military, and the thought left a sour taste in Riza’s mouth. She’d heard some stories from Roy when he’d been venting after work. The higher ups didn’t seem to be particularly pleasant company to keep.

“They’re not,” Roy told her, buttoning up his shirt in the mirror in their bedroom. “But I have to go. Having you there would make the whole experience infinitely better. Plus, everyone is dying to meet you.”

“Everyone?” Riza asked, raising an eyebrow while she secured the necklace around her neck. She didn’t normally wear jewellery however Roy had been very sweet and surprised her with the necklace as a gift this morning. He’d bought it for her to wear to the ball, and she couldn’t turn it down. It was beautiful, but simple in design. Just how she liked things. It was a spontaneous gift from Roy and that was all it took for her to love it.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “Everyone in the team is convinced you aren’t real and that I’m making you up.”

“Why?” she asked, amused.

Roy shrugged, then grinned. “I don’t think they believe that I could’ve ever secured a woman as lovely as you.” He kissed her temple as he passed, brushing his hand along her waist gently as he entered their bathroom and closed the door.

“The feeling is mutual, by the way.”

There was a pause, then the sound of the toilet flushing. After he’d washed his hands, Roy’s head poked out the door as he dried them on a towel. “You don’t believe in how amazing you are?”

Riza shook her head with a fond smile. “No. Well, _yes_, but not the point I was trying to make. _I_ don’t believe how lucky I am to have fallen in love with you,” she clarified.

“Don’t ever think you’re _not_ the most incredible person on the planet.” He hung up the towel before approaching. He gripped her waist gently while Riza wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. “And I’m the same. I can’t believe I’m so lucky.”

Chris was in town for the weekend to visit, so she’d taken Mia off their hands to spend some time with her granddaughter. Mia adored Chris Mustang, which was strange given the latter’s personality, however she was a completely different person with Mia. She loved her granddaughter unconditionally, and it showed in everything she did for her. Riza’s stomach dropped when she saw just how many gifts Chris had bought for Mia for this visit. In her mind, she mentally searched their apartment for where they’d store them all.

A taxi took them to the Town Hall. It was a subdued ride. Roy chatted with the driver while Riza gazed into the streets of East City. It wasn’t often she got to drive anywhere in the city. Whenever her and Roy went out, they always walked. It was mesmerising to watch the lights flash by as they flew along the road.

“Hey, boss!” a portly ginger man greeted them from afar. He called across the room towards them, offering Roy a wave. A blonde head popped up above everyone else, scanning the room for Roy. Upon spotting them, his eyes widened and his head ducked. He disappeared from view.

“Come on,” Roy urged, steering Riza towards the members of his team. Nerves tickled her stomach as they approached as it always did when she was introduced to someone new. Roy had stated there were four people in his team, so meeting four new people made it slightly worse.

“Hey!” the first man greeted enthusiastically with a wide grin. He glanced over to the blonde man beside him while wearing a rather smug look on his face, then turned his attention back to them both.

“Hey, Breda,” Roy greeted before turning to face her. “This is Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda,” he introduced, gesturing towards the ginger man. Lieutenant Breda grinned and offered Riza his hand, which she took.

“Nice to meet you,” Riza smiled.

“Likewise, Mrs. Mustang,” he beamed. The title was far too formal for her liking, but from the glint in his eye, Riza guessed it was for the benefit of the blonde man who was glaring at him. She glanced between them both, resisting the urge to raise an eyebrow at their antics.

“Please, just call me Riza,” she offered. The smirk dropped from his face, and Lieutenant Breda’s smile was genuine this time.

“Of course.”

“This,” Roy announced, moving onto the next member of his team, gesturing to the blonde man who snapped out of his glare hurriedly. “Is Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc. Don’t mind the glare or sullen look,” Roy added smoothly, making direct eye contact with Lieutenant Havoc. “He’s probably lost a bet with Breda over something. Ignore him.”

“Hey,” he muttered quietly but indignantly.

“This is Warrant Officer Vato Falman.” A grey-haired man took her hand and shook it firmly. Before being introduced his face had been a picture of seriousness, but now he smiled at Riza warmly.

“A pleasure to meet you, Ma’am.”

“And this is Sergeant Kain Fuery.” The last member of the team looked young – almost _too_ young – with black hair styled in a boyish look. His glasses rose as a smile overtook his whole face. It lit up the room with its warmth, and Riza took a liking to the young man.

“It’s so lovely to finally meet you, Ma’am,” he greeted enthusiastically. She liked Sergeant Fuery. He seemed very sweet.

“Likewise, to all of you.”

“What would you like to drink?” Roy asked her.

“A wine would be lovely, thank you.”

“I’ll get it, Ma’am,” Lieutenant Havoc interrupted. He looked slightly sheepish, and she supposed this was his way of making it up to them over whatever had stirred up the one-sided glaring match between him and Lieutenant Breda. “Don’t worry about it, Boss. I’ll be right back.”

“That was… Unexpected,” Roy stated, blinking after Lieutenant Havoc.

Lieutenant Breda snorted. “Havoc didn’t believe you’d _actually_ married someone. He was convinced it was fake. A whole scam,” he chuckled. “It would’ve been elaborate if it had been, however, I don’t think you’re that smart to pull it off.”

“Hey,” Roy frowned indignantly.

Lieutenant Breda shrugged, but his grin remained.

“It’s a likely conclusion Breda arrived at, Sir,” stated Warrant Officer Falman. “It would require a whole lot of planning and backtracking that even a normal person would struggle and fail completely with it.”

“Thanks… I think.”

“Don’t worry about them,” Sergeant Fuery interrupted their conversation, drawing Riza’s attention away from her husband and his two colleagues. “They do this all the time. It’s all good fun.” Riza found herself smiling.

Sergeant Fuery gave off a very “little brother” vibe, and Riza felt the pull towards it. She thought he would be someone she’d get on well with. She wasn’t quite so sure about the other three yet, but wasn’t one to jump to conclusions. She’d give Lieutenants Havoc and Breda the benefit of the doubt. Warrant Officer Falman seemed perfectly cordial and friendly though, like Sergeant Fuery. He seemed very intelligent, and Riza wondered if they would have any deep and interesting conversations at any point. Roy wasn’t unintelligent by any means, but his focus was alchemy and military strategy and that was it. He had no interest in subjects that weren’t a science. Riza was fascinated by the world, and often wondered aloud why things were the way they were. If Roy had an answer, he would tell her, but the beauty of the world lost some of its wonder when a scientific theory had been applied to it. Riza was undeterred though. She still loved that about him. She’d often sit and watch the cogs work in his head as he tried to figure something out, or how he passionately described how something worked. She’d find herself falling in love with him all over again.

Lieutenant Havoc returned with their drinks and offered them to her and Roy. He gave her an apologetic smile as he approached. “Sorry for the glare earlier. I hope you didn’t think it was directed at you.”

Riza shook her head. “Not at all.”

Lieutenant Havoc let out a sigh of relief, and Riza found herself smiling behind her glass, amused. Bless him. “Okay, good. Breda can be an asshole sometimes and likes to rub it in my face when he wins.”

“What did he win?” Riza asked innocently. It was comical the way his face fell. Lieutenant Havoc glanced towards her briefly, then away, swallowing hard. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat nervously.

“Okay, don’t take this the wrong way,” he began, turning her away from the rest of the group. He placed a hand on her shoulder, walking a few steps away. She resisted the urge to shrug it off and went with him, too intrigued to pass the opportunity up.

“Havoc?” Roy called behind them. The hand left her shoulder, and Riza watched as he waved Roy off irritably. This was still very entertaining to Riza. It was adorable the way Lieutenant Havoc’s face had turned slightly pink in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry. I’ll start with that,” Lieutenant Havoc stated. He downed his drink – it looked like whisky – and placed the glass not so gently on the table next to them. He looked incredibly nervous, and like he didn’t want to offend her. “But Breda and I made a bet that Mustang had made you up.”

“Oh?” Riza asked, raising an eyebrow. She only just managed to hide her smile by taking another drink. Who would have the time to craft an entirely fictional wife and child, and then have the patience to maintain that for a year and a half?

“Yeah.” Lieutenant Havoc coughed to clear his throat. “I’m sorry. He never really mentioned you, but we saw a wedding photo. I thought it was some wife he’d lost years ago. From the way he’d handled it, it certainly seemed that way.”

Now _that_ was interesting. Just how did Roy handle their wedding photo in the office?

“What do you mean?” she asked before she could think, her curiosity getting the better of her. She hadn’t meant to ask out loud, but she was interested to know the kind of person Roy was at work around these men.

Lieutenant Havoc shifted on the spot. “Oh. Well, uh, he would always be so careful with it. He would never show anyone and wouldn’t bring it up, but I caught him a few times smiling at it when he was alone.” Lieutenant Havoc paused and shot her a genuine smile. “I must say, Ma’am, from the way he smiles at that photo, he loves you a lot.”

Riza felt warmth spread across her whole entire body. A smile slowly spread across her face, and she nodded. “I feel the same way about him.”

Lieutenant Havoc grinned. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re real and still among the living.”

Riza chuckled at him. “Thank you, Lieutenant Havoc.”

“Just Havoc, Ma’am,” he grinned.

“Then it’s just Riza for me too.” His grin was infectious. She liked him. He was a bit of a goofball, he didn’t seem to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was open and honest. Plus, if Roy had hand picked him, then he must be loyal. From the way he spoke, Riza could tell Havoc had a lot of respect for Roy. That was probably why he’d apologised to her immediately. Riza could respect that about him.

“What are you two talking about?” Roy asked with a grin, announcing his approach. Havoc stiffened slightly and Riza smirked to herself.

“Oh, nothing,” she waved off. “I was just telling Havoc about one of my lovely single friends that might be interested in him.”

Riza snorted, unable to hold in her laugh, when she saw Havoc’s spine straighten even further. His cheeks turned a light colour of pink.

“Wow, relax, Havoc. It’s a woman, not an eight-foot crocodile.”

“Excuse me,” Havoc muttered, shooting a glare at Roy, who just laughed at his misfortune.

“It was about the bet, wasn’t it?” Roy stated, slinging an arm around her shoulder. They walked towards the dance floor, Riza noticed. Excitement coursed through her veins at the thought she’d be able to dance with Roy again. It was one of her favourite past-times, being held close in his arms as they swayed together.

“It was, yes. Poor guy was genuinely apologetic. I respect that though.”

“Havoc’s the kind of guy that will bet on anything – and I mean _anything_ – so it didn’t surprise me. I want to address that though –”

There was the quiet tinkling of someone hitting glass, followed by an announcement that dinner was about to be served.

“Ah,” Roy smiled at her. “After dinner then.”

Dinner was beautiful. The food was exquisite, and Riza was thankful that the company at the table was solely the men in Roy’s team. They bantered back and forth, which was captivating. Riza laughed so much during dinner that it took her an age to finish her meal. They were good men, and Riza was glad they all had Roy’s back. She often worried about him at work, going out on field missions and the like. It made her feel better to know these men were looking out for him.

They were incredibly loyal to him, and now, by extension, her. Havoc had announced that quite loudly – he was on the way to getting _very_ drunk – and the rest of the team agreed, raising their glasses in a toast. Roy had just beamed at her, giving her hand a quick squeeze under the table. She supposed this was what he’d wanted all along – for them all to meet and get along so well. The fact she’d been so readily included in this little group made her happier than anyone would probably ever understand. She’d been on her own for so long as a child, then Roy came along and lit up her life. However, it had just been the two of them. Now, she had a plethora of people around her who were happy and willing to look out for her. It was a wonderful feeling.

On the dancefloor Roy twirled her around effortlessly. She felt like she was flying in his arms. She could dance, but he was much better at it than her. He’d taught her when they were growing up together, in stolen moments away from her father’s oppressive presence. It was a welcome reprieve from her monotonous evenings of cooking and cleaning up after Roy and her father.

“I love you,” Riza murmured as a smile spread across her face. Her arms were looped behind his neck, her fingertips playing with strands of his hair.

A loving smile broke out across Roy’s face. His eyes softened and he bent low to capture her lips with his own. She sighed into his kiss, embracing the love he showed her. “I love you too.”

The memory of Havoc’s confession floated through her mind at that moment, broadening her smile.

“_I must say, ma’am, from the way he smiles at that photo, he loves you a lot_.”

“What?” Roy asked, noting how big her smile was.

“Nothing. I’m just happy to be with you.”

Roy hummed in agreement. He shifted his stance so that her body was pressed against his. Their cheeks rested against each other and when Roy spoke, his breath tickled her ear. It felt _divine_.

“I’m glad you’re here. These balls are always so boring.”

“You’ve been to more than one?” she asked, curious. She tried to think back to when he may have brought it up before but couldn’t find anything in her memory.

“Well, just one. It was after coming home from Ishval. It was a “celebration” of the war being over. It… Well, it wasn’t enjoyable in the slightest. Most of the time, Hughes and I just people watched. It was thrilling to watch the amount of ass kissing that went down that night. There were so many brown noses.”

Riza snorted, hard. She felt Roy laugh, the sound reverberating through her own body.

“It was nowhere near as good as tonight has been.”

Silence enveloped them, but it was Riza who broke it.

“I’m curious…” 

Roy hummed in reply. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone about me?” 

Roy met her gaze. 

“I’m just wondering,” she reassured him.

He was quiet for a moment, contemplating his answer. “At first, I was told not to trust anyone by General Grumman. He’s kind of become my mentor over the years.” Riza resisted the urge to react to the news. She wasn’t even sure if Roy knew the General was her grandfather.

Was he here tonight? Riza wasn’t sure if she was ready to deal with that interaction just yet. She’d been told as a child there was bad blood between her grandfather and her father, so they cut ties and moved away. How would the General feel, knowing his granddaughter had married someone working so closely with him?

“So, I didn’t and kept my cards close to my chest. I know I can trust the boys, but everyone else…” His face screwed up. “There’s a very small pool of people that I can trust in East City Headquarters.”

“That sounds very paranoid, Roy.”

“With you on the line, I’m _very_ paranoid about this kind of thing.”

Riza thought he’d be joking, even just a little bit, but when she pulled back to look at his face, she saw his expression was serious. While she was glad, it didn’t sit well with her. It spoke of danger.

“But,” Roy continued. “It’s been a few years and Grumman has filled me in on who’s best to avoid and who can be trusted. I became more comfortable with the idea. I never denied it when people asked, but I didn’t want to project it, just in case. Plus, I’m not Maes Hughes, screaming about my family every two seconds,” he chuckled. “I don’t want to irritate people so much they began to hate me,” he winked.

“No, and I don’t blame you,” Riza agreed with an amused smile.

Roy wasn’t one for making grand gestures for her in front of an audience, and that was because he knew she’d hate the attention on her like that. And if no one at his work knew he was married, that didn’t matter to her really. She’d just been curious. He showed her, and her alone, how he felt about her. Everyone else didn’t matter, so long as _she _knew how much he loved her.

“I’m proud, in a way, that you played it so smartly.”

“Yeah?” Roy asked, seemingly surprised at her admission.

She nodded. “Like you said, ‘with my family on the line, I’d be very paranoid too.’” Her voice dropped in volume, causing Roy to press his cheek gently back against hers so he could hear her. “What you’re planning on doing is dangerous, and while I don’t like it for obvious reasons, I’d never hold it against you. After what you went through and seeing how it has affected you, I don’t want it to happen to anyone again either.”

Roy pulled away. She was trapped in his eyes, but Riza didn’t mind. She never would when it came to him. Taking a deep breath, she let it out in a rush, her decision made.

“You’ve got a good, solid, team behind you. I see that, now. It makes it less frightening for me, knowing you have this support behind you,” she admitted. “Before, in my mind, it was you against the whole world, and it was terrifying. But I see now that there are a lot of people who support you. Not just the core team. I’ve overheard others talking tonight, at the bar and around the room. Some people here really like you, Roy. They look up to you, and it soothes my nerves a little to know that there’s a lot of people who have your back. It’s not just me doing all the work,” she smiled wryly.

“Yes, but you do the best job out of everyone,” he murmured as he hugged her close to his chest. Smiling, she patted his back twice, affectionately, as he gave her body a tight squeeze.

Her hand found its way to his cheek when he pulled back. His eyes poured out with love for her, and it thrilled her to see it.

“Of course, I do the best job,” she replied, as if it was obvious. It made him laugh, a grin playing over his lips.

“You really do. Maybe I didn’t bring you up before because I wanted to keep you all to myself,” he grinned cheekily. “Since you do such a good job, after all.”

Riza stuck her tongue out at him, making him laugh again, but louder this time. His head tipped back slightly. It truly was a beautiful sight seeing Roy so carefree and happy. He deserved it.

The rest of the night was perfect. During the fast songs they took a break to return to the table with the men. They were greeted each time with enthusiasm and joy. She was goaded into telling them how she and Roy met. She kept some parts out. Her childhood experience was still very raw within her, and she didn’t feel like dragging the past back up. That was firmly behind her. The only thing that had been worth keeping from it had been Roy, and she was eternally thankful that she had.

Fuery – they’d all insisted on Riza calling them by their last names rather than their titles – asked what their wedding ceremony was like. Falman asked to see the ring, complimenting her stone and band, stating they were the perfect combination. Havoc bought them a round of drinks to celebrate their wedding, despite it being over two years ago. His reasoning was they’d all missed it, so now was as good a time as ever to make up for it. Breda agreed wholeheartedly and staggered after Havoc to order the drinks with them. As they walked, they slung their arms around each other’s shoulders, slapping each other on the back amicably.

They were a good bunch, these boys, and Riza was officially initiated as “one of the team” that night.

Rebecca finally found her shortly after their “wedding toast”.

“There you are!” she exclaimed, flopping down into the chair next to Riza. “I’ve been looking all over for you! Where have you been?” she accused.

“Right here,” she smiled. Rebecca was slightly drunk, her cheeks pink and flushed from the alcohol, but she wasn’t fully drunk. Riza had seen her _drunk_ a few times, and this wasn’t it. This was “merry Rebecca” – the Rebecca who had no filter and no shame. Riza had envied her confidence from day one and strived to be as good as her someday. Since meeting the brunette, it had done wonders for her confidence. It was freeing, and Riza was very thankful. Rebecca had also taken Riza to the East City HQ shooting range, smuggling her in late at night like they were a couple of teenagers. Riza had learned to shoot in the forests outside her home as a child, and she was pleased to see that she hadn’t lost her touch over the years.

Rebecca had done so much for Riza since they’d met, and tonight may just be the night she repayed her big time. It might not, however it was worth taking the risk. Plus, she deserved a little fun.

“Have you met Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc?” Riza asked, gesturing towards the blonde man who was slouched in his chair at the table. He smirked over at her, upon hearing his name, but he froze when he spotted Rebecca.

“No, I haven’t,” Rebecca stated slowly, eyeing him carefully.

“Havoc, this is my friend, Rebecca. The lovely lady I was telling you about earlier?”

Rebecca snorted. “Lovely,” she muttered underneath her breath, as if offended to be referred to in such a way.

“Uh, yeah. I remember.” He seemed to have sobered up rather quickly, Riza noticed, amused. He sat up straighter in his chair, like a bird preening at the prospect of a mate.

“I’m anything but a lady tonight, my friend,” she stated boldly, rising from her chair and striding over to Havoc. He watched her like a deer caught in the headlights.

Riza snickered when she noticed Rebecca had put extra sway into her hips as she walked. “And have you been _talking_ about me, Riza Mustang?” she accused good naturedly, casting her eyes back over her shoulder.

“You said you wanted to find yourself a good man,” she shrugged with a grin.

“You,” she commanded Havoc. “Come with me.”

“What?” he asked, looking quite terrified.

Rebecca grasped him by his biceps and lifted Havoc from the chair. He yelped, almost falling over in his haste. Then, with a coy look over her shoulder and a wink, she dragged him over to the dance floor.

“God, help him,” Roy stated, taking up the chair beside her, the one Rebecca had just vacated.

Riza chuckled. “I agree. He’ll have his hands full with that one.”

“It’ll be good for him,” Roy stated, as if he was a proud parent watching his child go on their first date. “Either way, it will be character building.”

Riza snorted. “Rebecca can be lethal. I hope he’s strong enough for it.”

“He’s a good man,” Roy stated, his tone taking on a surprising sincerity after all their joking. “He’ll be good for her, I think.”

It certainly seemed that way, because not even half an hour later, Riza spotted the two of them slipping out the ballroom, hand in hand. Riza grinned when she spotted it. She was happy for her friend. Havoc seemed like her type – tall, handsome, and probably with some cash to play about with. He was a military man, so that was a given.

That would be a conversation for later.

All in all, it was a wonderful night. They took a taxi home, more than buzzed from the alcohol. Both Roy and Riza whispered and giggled to each other in the back like a couple of teenagers. With excitement in his eyes, Roy led her up to their apartment with a grin, his hand gripping hers tightly as they ran up the stairs. Once inside, Riza locked the apartment door in anticipation, only to be backed up against it. Roy’s kisses were feverish as he slipped her jacket off her shoulders. Riza gave him the same treatment, ridding him of his tuxedo jacket and leaving it to fall in a heap on the floor. It was expensive, as all his clothes were, but Riza didn’t think he’d care. Not right now.

They stumbled their way to the bedroom, bumping against the walls and breaking apart to laugh. It made Riza feel young again. It was like they were newlyweds on their honeymoon.

Roy held her close as they drifted off, both spent. Riza gripped his hand tightly, smiling down at their joined hands.

“I love you,” he murmured sleepily into her hair. Riza smiled, feeling sleep tug at her tired body, enticing it into unconsciousness. If she gave in, her only regret would be cutting this beautiful moment short. She wanted to live in it forever.

“I love you too, Roy. So much that it leaves me breathless sometimes.” Her admission was bolder than usual, but it was the truth. It came right from her heart. The alcohol had managed to pry it out of her grasp, and Riza was glad. At that moment, it was something she wanted him to know.

Roy hummed happily behind her, adjusting his grip on her waist, tugging her tightly against him. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“What about Mia?” she yawned, letting out a quick laugh.

“That angel is the light of my life,” he stated, his speech broken as he began to drift off. “But you are the warmth.”

Riza smiled and settled back against him. His breathing evened, signalling he was asleep.

“And you are mine.”


	13. the waves to catch your fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i said it was like that weird in between time christmas and new year?? and i had no idea what day it was?? well time has now lost all meaning so i didn't even realise i'd missed a week again
> 
> rip me : (
> 
> anyway, i hope the papa!roy fluff makes up for it owo
> 
> song for this chapter: the naked and famous – the water beneath you

## 1913

** _i can't fill the emptiness _ **

** _but i will find a way (to be the)_ **

** _the water beneath you_ **

** _the waves to catch your fall_ **

“Uh, I have a surprise,” Roy called from the hallway. A surprise was supposed to be a good thing, but from his tone, Riza wasn’t sure if she was going to like it or not.

Curious, but also dread forming in her stomach, Riza poked her head around the doorway to the hall and stopped dead. Roy’s version of a surprise could have been anything – good or bad for them or their house – but a dog certainly wasn’t what she was expecting to see.

“Um… What?” Riza asked. Why was there a dog in her house?

Roy grinned sheepishly. “Fuery found him and –”

“Doggy!” Mia squealed, running up to her father and staring at the little Shiba in his arms, her eyes full of wonder. “Oh, Daddy, can we keep it?” she begged.

Riza glared at him. Now they _had_ to keep it. Riza wasn’t opposed to dogs, but she certainly didn’t expect to have it land on her lap so unprepared.

“That’s up to Mummy,” Roy stated, his nervous smile falling when her glare intensified. Of course, make _her_ the bad guy if she said no. Now, she _had_ to say yes. Mia’s eyes matched the dog’s – wide and pleading that they could keep the pup.

“Of course, we can, sweetie,” Riza smiled. “Daddy can go out right now and get a bed and some food,” she added with a sweet smile, shooting her husband a pointed look. He was just in from work and expected to get changed and get something to eat, but if he was going to force a dog upon their household, the least he could do was go out and buy the supplies for it. She wouldn’t leave the poor thing all night without something to eat.

“Oh, uh –” Roy stuttered.

“Yay!” Mia cried. The pup jumped and looked down at Mia, probably in fear.

“Not so loud, honey. We don’t want to scare the poor thing. Why don’t you go and get some blankets out of the cupboard next to the bathroom and we can set it up with a little bed until Daddy comes back?”

Roy’s smile faltered again.

“Okay Mummy!” She took off down the hall at a sprint.

“A dog?” Riza questioned him, raising an eyebrow.

“I thought it would be good for us to have a dog.”

“Uh huh. For “us”?”

“Yes.” Roy fidgeted and averted his gaze quickly, before turning it back to her again. He smiled to try and appease her, but it didn’t work.

“Yes, “us”,” Riza repeated. “For “us” to walk and clean up after during the day.” Catching onto her meaning, Roy faltered. Clearly, he didn’t think about that. It would be Riza who would have to walk and clean up after it all day while he was at work, not him. There was no “us”. It was all her.

Riza sighed, gesturing for him to hand the small dog over. The poor little thing looked slightly malnourished and was shivering.

“That food isn’t going to buy itself,” Riza reminded him.

Nodding quickly, Roy opened the door in a rush and left. Petting the Shiba’s fur, Riza smiled down at him. She checked to see if their new addition was male or female. She didn’t feel like calling the little pup “it” forever.

She’d always wanted a pet dog and was more than happy to take this little guy in, but she liked to be prepared for situations. This was unprecedented.

After dinner, the pair were watching Mia interact with the Shiba. She would carefully reach out to pet him, then the dog would cower away. Riza expected their five-year-old to keep reaching, pressing the pup into being petted, but Mia just sat back on her heels and grinned at him.

“Don’t worry, boy,” she reassured him. “We’ll work on it.”

They were both surprised at how gentle and caring she was with him. After an hour, Mia was petting him quite happily.

“Where did you find him?” Riza asked once Roy had returned with dog food and a dog bed.

“Fuery found him on the street,” he revealed. “There was nowhere else for him to go, and I thought bringing him here would be good. You’ve always wanted a dog. I was sure Mia would love him, and she does,” Roy chuckled. “Plus, it would be nice to have some more company for our family.”

Riza was surprised he even remembered her voicing her opinion on having a pet. She’d mentioned it in an offhand comment years ago, shortly after they were married. It was unexpected and sweet that he’d remembered. Plus, Riza was completely open to expanding her family. A dog would be a good place to start.

* * *

“I’m really regretting recruiting that kid,” Roy announced as he sat at their dinner table. Riza placed the plate of food in front of him with a knowing smile. She’d heard stories about Edward Elric’s antics around the office. Havoc was _very_ upfront with information about how Edward riled up Roy. Havoc thought it was thoroughly amusing that a twelve-year-old could get under Roy’s skin so easily and was convinced it was because before Ed, Roy had been the youngest State Alchemist in the military. Someone was jealous they were no longer the wonder boy, Havoc had laughed heartily. Roy denied it immediately, and Riza didn’t think he would be jealous, but it was still fun to tease him about it.

“Give him a break. He’s only fourteen,” she sighed, trying to hide her smile.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you had to deal with him all day,” he muttered.

“He’s working with you already?” Riza questioned. “It’s not been that long since his automail procedure.”

Roy shook his head. “Yeah. Can you believe it?”

“But…” Riza paused and did the math in her head. “It’s only been about... two years since he had his automail surgery. I thought that took years to adjust to.”

“It does,” Roy nodded. “He’s been with us a year already. 

“Wow. Has it really been that long?”

Roy nodded. “The kid is determined.”

“How’s the brother doing.”

“As well as can be expected. He hasn’t mentioned anything, but something tells me Alphonse is the kind of person to keep it to himself, or it will only be something they share with each other.”

“It makes sense, I suppose. They went through a very traumatic thing together.”

Roy sighed. “It makes my job as their commanding officer hard though. I don’t need details. I just need to know if they’re all right and fit to work.”

Riza smiled. “You sound like such a father.”

“Well, it’s true,” he pouted, defending himself.

“It could always be worse,” she reminded him.

“You’re right.” Roy leaned back and groaned. “Luckily he has the freedom to roam the country. I couldn’t imagine having Ed in the office _all_ the time.”

“You’d manage, I’m sure. Plus, this will be good practice for when Mia is older.” 

Their child looked up at the mention of her name.

“Our little girl will never be that difficult, will you darling?” Roy cooed

Mia looked at them, confused. Her small brow had furrowed, and it was incredibly adorable. It obviously didn’t hold too much of her interest, because she turned to her father a moment later.

“Daddy?” Mia asked, her eyes wide and bright. She knew _exactly_ how to wrap Roy around her little finger. He would do anything for that child, and while Riza was happy that was the case, she didn’t want her to be a spoiled brat.

“Yes, Mia?”

“Can we play?”

“After dinner, okay?”

“Daddy’s been working all day. He needs to eat first,” Riza explained, always the bad guy.

Mia pouted in her chair, but it quickly disappeared when Riza placed her sticker book in front of her. Mia’s face lit up. “Stickers!” she cried happily, flipping open the pages.

“Why don’t you start, then I’ll help you after dinner?” Roy offered.

“Yay!”

“So, how was your day?” Roy enquired, digging into his food. He always ate like he’d been starved all day, and Riza knew that wasn’t the case. The man was a serial grazer – always eating snacks throughout the day – and Riza constantly wondered where he put it all.

“Today was great, in fact,” Riza stated after a pause. Nerves stirred in her stomach. She had some news to share but wasn’t sure what Roy would think about it. It’s a brilliant opportunity starting in the new year, but it meant moving to Central. 

“Oh yeah?” Roy asked, leaning forward in his chair. He was always incredibly interested in her personal and academic life, listening to her gripes and moans without complaint. “What happened?”

“Well,” Riza began, taking a deep breath. “My professor thinks I’ll be ready to teach in a school by the end of the year.”

Roy dropped his fork and clapped once loudly. Poor Mia got a fright and she jumped in her chair at the sudden noise. “That’s great!” he cried, mouth full of food.

“It’s in Central.”

That was the dream crusher, right there. She’d be happy teaching here in the East, but a position probably wouldn’t open until late next year, and Riza would finish her studies come Christmas _this_ year. That was a long time to wait. Roy was stationed in East City, so it wasn’t like he could up and leave at a moment’s notice. Riza would have nothing in the meantime, and she didn’t want it to come to that. However, they’d work it out together and find some solution, she was sure.

“Central?” he asked, but his face didn’t drop. His expression became thoughtful. “Interesting,” he mused to himself.

“What’s so interesting?” she asked.

“I’ve also heard on the down-low that I may be transferred to Central at some point.”

Riza felt butterflies flutter in her stomach. “Really?” This would work out perfectly for them.

Roy nodded, picking up his fork again. “Hughes told me. It’s all very hush hush, but I’ve been making big leaps with this new case, and they’re interested in moving me across there with a promotion.”

“That’s great, Roy. I’m proud of you,” she smiled.

They were moving in the right direction. Riza was thrilled that it would mean she’d be able to pursue her teaching career further. After discovering it was in Central, she was sure it would never happen. Now, it was a possibility, and it did wonders for her motivation and her mood. Things were finally moving forward for her and she was progressing.

For too long she’d felt stuck in the same place. Roy had gone off to war and he was now working his way up the ranks of the military. Mia was growing up so fast, coming on leaps and bounds with everything they tried to teach her. Riza had felt stagnant, still at school and learning how to become a teacher. It felt like it was taking her _years_ to progress while everyone else in her life was speeding past her, achieving things left and right. Riza was not one to compare her achievements to other people’s but it was hard when she felt that way. She’d been concerned they’d be in the East for another year, and she’d fall behind again. It was early days - there was no confirmation of Roy’s promotion yet - however it felt like she was already on the path to taking the next step. And, she’d be taking it with her whole family. No one would be left behind.

It was a wonderful feeling.

* * *

Roy silently returned from work one evening. The door of their apartment clicked closed behind him and he never said a word. Normally he called out a hello and made his way straight to Riza to greet her with a kiss. Mia would be next. After they’d taken Black Hayate in, Roy would scratch him behind the ears with a grin before he was on his way to get changed out of his uniform. It was almost a ritual of his.

Mia had named the dog after a character in her favourite book, and Riza was more than happy with it. Roy had rolled his eyes, whispering that it was a silly name for a dog, but after a quick elbow from Riza, he shut up. It made Mia happy and Riza wasn’t going to take that away from her.

Today, however, he entered the living room without saying a word. He glanced around as Riza smiled and said hello, but he ignored her. As soon as he spotted Mia, he marched over and lifted her off the ground. She squealed at the sudden movement, and Roy hugged her close to his body. Riza’s smile fell as she watched the exchange. Mia was laughing, trying to wriggle away from her father, however Riza saw his brief pained expression before he pulled away and set her down with a forced grin.

What had happened at work?

Riza’s own news died on her lips when he shot her a quick strained smile before heading for the stairs up to their bedroom.

“Mia?”

“Yes, Mummy?”

“I need to go and speak to Daddy for a little while. Can you be good and stay here for me?”

“Yeah!” she beamed. She gathered up her dolls and placed herself on the rug in front of their fireplace, chatting away to them, already lost in her own make-believe world.

Riza headed straight for their bedroom. The room was in darkness when she approached. Peeking in, she saw him leaning against their dresser, his head hung in between arms, which rested on either side of the furniture.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

As soon as he lifted his head, Riza knew Roy wasn’t right. In the light of the hallway, she could just make out a sheen on his eyes. Closing the door behind her, Riza approached in the darkness. Her hand brushed his arm and Roy’s arms locked around her like a vice. Riza clutched at the work shirt on his back, rubbing his hands against it soothingly as his body shook.

“What happened,” she whispered.

“There was a case today…” he began, stopping himself to take a deep breath. “I took the Elric brothers to see an alchemist who could hopefully help them with their cause.”

“And?” Riza prompted when he fell silent.

“The man had a daughter and –” Roy’s grip on her tightened after he cut himself off.

“It’s okay,” she soothed. Something must’ve happened. Something bad. It made a lead weight appear in Riza’s stomach, weighing it down painfully. She just knew she wouldn’t like where this was going.

“The girl… She –”

“Roy, it’s okay. You don’t need to tell me –”

“She... died,” he choked out with some hesitancy.

Riza stilled as she absorbed that information. Fear gripped her heart, blossoming over her skin and lifting the hair off her arms. _Oh god._

“I’m so sorry, Roy.”

“I didn’t even know,” he mumbled, more to himself. He didn’t elaborate, but something told Riza she wouldn’t want him to. She already felt slightly ill. What if that had been her own daughter? The overwhelming urge to go downstairs and hug her little girl almost sent her walking out the room, but Roy needed her. “If I had,” he continued. “I might have been able to save her.” The last sentence was choked. He was obviously thinking of his own daughter. Riza just held him tighter.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. That was all she could say. She was horrified. That poor child. Now she understood his reaction when he entered their home. Riza would have done the same.

Roy held her tightly for a little while longer before finally pulling away.

“I’ll get changed,” he mumbled.

“Are you all right?”

He nodded. “I will be. I just… All I could think about was her.” _Mia_. “I couldn’t bear it if…”

“I know,” Riza nodded. “I’m the same.”

Taking a deep breath, Roy stood tall and gently pulled away. “Sorry for dropping that on you,” he murmured softly.

“It’s okay. That’s what I’m here for.” She smiled sadly, unable to get the image of a poor innocent child meeting their end –

She had to go downstairs and give Mia a big cuddle.

“Let’s go downstairs and see Mia.” Riza let go of him, but grasped his hand in the darkness to give it a squeeze.

He squeezed her hand back in reassurance. “I’ll be five minutes.”

True to his word, Roy descended the stairs and lifted Mia into his arms again. He appeared to be the same man as who had entered, but every so often, she saw his face drop and watched as he swallowed thickly. In front of Mia, though, he was the ever-doting father. Roy even took her up to bed. He lay in her tiny single bed beside her, his feet sticking out the end and almost falling out of it so Mia could have enough room, but he lay beside her and read her favourite story to get her to fall asleep.

When Riza peeked in, Mia was fast asleep, her favourite bear tucked underneath her arm while Roy ran his hand through her unruly hair, stoking her forehead. She smiled to herself. That was a sure-fire way to get Mia to sleep. It relaxed her instantly. She must be like her mother, Roy had said, because Riza loved it when Roy did it to her too.

“Are you coming to bed?” Riza whispered from the doorway.

“In a minute,” he replied distractedly. His attention was solely on their daughter. After what Roy had told her about his case today, she didn’t blame him. It must have been a lot worse than what her brain could concoct because he hadn’t left Mia’s side all evening. Riza was sure he’d be there all night with her.

“Okay. Night, Roy.”

“Goodnight.” 

She didn’t remember hearing him climb into bed, but he was there when Riza awoke in the morning. She rolled over and watched him sleep for a few minutes. He was so peaceful. His muscles were relaxed as he breathed deeply and evenly, sleeping soundly. She smiled to herself, glad he’d found some semblance of peace after how upset he’d been the night before. Riza herself still felt slightly ill after what had happened with the case, so couldn’t imagine how Roy was feeling. It was probably ten times worse. 

Loath to wake him and disrupt that peace, Riza cuddled in close to her husband, holding the hand that had been resting on his stomach tightly. He stirred in his sleep, but after a deep sigh he was still once more. Laying her head on his chest, Riza listened to his heartbeat and let it calm her. It washed away all her worries and her fears for a moment as she lay still and emptied her mind, focussing on the sound of his heart.


	14. we got some rich love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this seems a little choppy with all the breaks but it's all in the setup! and now we're getting more into canon! (cue me crying about all the research i'm going to have to do to try and keep it right by canon ;_; why must my memory be so baaaad) anyway, i got this! hope you enjoy!
> 
> song for this chapter: onerepublic – rich love

## 1914

** _'cause if we don't find money _ **

** _then what we got honey is just enough_ **

** _we got some rich love_ **

** **

Riza wasn’t one to complain, but her shoulders sagged in defeat when she noticed there were Military Police blocking her usual walk to Mia’s school. Normally, she wouldn’t mind, but she’d stepped in a puddle caused by the rain that had been pouring all day and her left shoe and left sock were sodden. She just wanted to collect Mia then hurry home into something warm and dry. Glancing at the police, she noticed how they were getting into rather heated discussions with other citizens, explaining firmly that the roads were closed, and no, it wouldn’t be opening anytime soon. Steering clear, Riza picked up her pace and walked around the blockade, hoping Mia’s school wouldn’t be blocked off as well. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t.

Riza rocked back and forth on her heels as she waited for the classes to leave for the day. The raindrops pitter-pattered off her umbrella, making a soothing sound. Parents were milling about and chatting with one another, but Riza preferred her own company. She had Hayate with her anyway, and he was far more preferable than some of the other housewives here. Their pup looked up at Riza as he sat dutifully by her side, his tail wagging happily as his tongue lolled from the side of his mouth. Riza bent to scratch him behind the ears.

“Did you hear?” a woman nearby gossiped rather loudly to her friend. “Apparently it’s a serial killer.”

Riza froze in her spot. She felt anchored in place. _What?_

Hayate whined, nudging her hand gently with his nose to get her to pet him again.

“He’s tearing up the city and the military is trying to stop him.”

Riza’s heart jumped into her throat because this was _real_. She’d seen the police closing off roads, arguing harshly with citizens and telling them they couldn’t walk a certain way.

“Apparently he’s targeting State Alchemists,” the friend replied. “Carol called me because she lives in the apartment above where it happened. The Flame Alchemist and the Strong-Arm Alchemist were there dealing with it.”

_Roy_.

She stood slowly from her crouch like she was in a daze, but her mind, her heart, and her breathing were all going a mile a minute. She needed to move. She needed to _act_.

Riza had to know if he was okay.

“Mummy! Hayate!” Mia grinned as she sprinted across the concrete towards Riza. She panicked when she spotted her daughter. Mia’s arm was flailing out to the side as she ran through the rain. Her hood was a little too big for her and slid over one of her eyes. In order to counteract her loss of vision, Mia never moved the piece of clothing. She instead opted to tip her head back and to one side, struggling to look out from underneath it to see where she was going. The goofy grin on her face matched her silly behaviour. In any other situation it would be comical, but Riza just wanted to get _home_.

Getting a grip on her emotions, Riza waved to her daughter. She couldn’t break down in front of Mia in a panic. She needed to be strong for Mia and figure out what was going on first. Hayate stepped forward to greet Mia, his tail moving like crazy as his best friend had finally returned to him.

“Hello, Mia Bear.” Her smile was forced but Mia would be too young to notice. “How was school?” she asked, turning and hurrying home after grasping Mia’s hand tightly. It felt like she was tugging Mia and Hayate along, but Riza’s mind was elsewhere at that moment. Riza was barely paying attention to Mia’s excited ramblings. It was drowned out by her mind screaming at her to get home as soon as possible and find out what the hell was going on.

There was no answer at Roy’s office. No one was there to tell her what was happening. The only thing she had to go on was the radio report informing everyone to stay inside their homes and not leave.

It did nothing to alleviate her worry.

Thankfully, Mia never seemed to notice her mother’s distress.

“Hey, Riza,” Rebecca greeted cheerily over the phone. Her body sagged in relief. She was glad she’d gotten through to _someone_. “What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you knew where Roy was?”

“Um, I think he’s out on a field mission right now,” she replied. There was the flicking of paper on the other side of the phone.

“Riza?” a disembodied voice asked Rebecca. It was a male voice, and one Riza didn’t recognise. “Riza Hawkeye?”

She reacted to her maiden name, clutching the receiver tightly. Who was this man? Why did he know her maiden name?

“No, sir,” Rebecca replied. Her voice was muffled and quieter. She was probably covering the mouthpiece and holding it away from her mouth. “Riza Mustang.”

There was silence before Rebecca spoke again. 

“Sorry about that,” she chuckled, but it was slightly nervous. “Can you give me five minutes, Riza? Can I call you back?”

If she gripped the phone any tighter, Riza thought it might shatter into a million pieces. “Rebecca? What’s going on?”

There was a beat where nothing was said. Riza held her breath, praying her friend would come through for her.

“It’s nothing.” Her tone was sincere, and Riza told herself to believe Rebecca. “I’ll need to leave the office to find out what’s going on. I’ve just been informed there is a situation in the city right now, but I don’t know what it is. Can you give me five minutes?”

Of course. Rebecca always would help her out if she needed it. She always had.

“Okay,” Riza whispered.

“It will be fine, Riza,” Rebecca reassured her kindly. “Roy’s got a good team behind him, all right?”

_Yes, but she wasn’t there_.

“Plus, he won’t be beaten so easily. He has to come home to you and Mia,” Rebecca added.

Riza nodded. “I know,” she replied quietly.

“I’ll be as quick as I can,” Rebecca vowed, her voice determined.

“Mummy!” Mia called from their living room. “Can we play now?”

Walking back through, Riza spotted her with her favourite bear in her hand and one of her dolls in the other.

“I’m waiting on a phone call, Mia,” Riza explained, scooping her daughter up into her arms. Mia had pouted when she was told no but giggled when Riza lifted her. “But I _promise_ we will do it after that, okay?”

“Okay,” she replied sullenly, playing up that she was sad they couldn’t play right now.

“Ah,” Riza admonished lightly, a smile slowly crossing her face. “Don’t laugh, now,” she stated, lifting a finger and slowly moving it closer to Mia’s face so she could boop her nose lightly. The corner of Mia’s lips quirked up for a second then dropped. “Don’t laugh, now,” she repeated, putting on a sillier voice. Mia was fighting the urge to smile now. This continued two more times, then Riza had Mia giggling in her arms.

“You’re the best, Mummy,” Mia announced after Riza set her down.

“How come, Bear?” she asked fondly, placing a hand atop her unruly hair.

“Because you can always make me laugh,” she beamed, looking proudly up at her mother.

Riza crouched and smoothed her hand over Mia’s hair, bringing it to cup her cheek. “I love you, my Mia Bear.”

“Love you too, Mummy.” Arms were wrapped around Riza’s neck tightly, just as the phone rang. Her happiness and joy were quickly replaced by fear and dread. Just what would await her on the other side of that phone?

“There’s a man in East City who is out targeting State Alchemists,” Rebecca informed her through the phone. That familiar fear and panic clawed their way back up Riza’s throat. “He was aiming for the Elric brothers who are under the Colonel’s command, then Mustang intervened. He’s out there trying to control the situation,” Rebecca informed her quietly. “He’s out there with Hughes, the Elric brothers, and Alex Armstrong, the Strong-Arm Alchemist. There’s a troop of Military Police out there with him, along with his team.”

Riza relaxed, but only slightly. His team was good. They’d look out for him. However, until she saw him with her own eyes, she’d never completely relax.

“He’s all right, Riza. They’re fine. I’ll update you if anything changes, but I don’t imagine anything will,” Rebecca reassured her. “I _promise_, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Thank you,” she breathed, swallowing her tears so she could go back through and face her daughter while she waited for Roy to come home.

* * *

Riza almost crumpled on the spot when the front door opened and she saw Roy step through it. Abandoning her daughter during their imaginary bear fight – Mia wanted to pretend they were capturing a bear (her favourite toy bear) so they could tame it and make it her pet – Riza threw herself at her husband, looping her arms around his neck and giving him a tight squeeze.

“Riza?” he asked, bewildered. His hands landed on her hips. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“You’re okay,” she breathed, burying her face into his shoulder.

Roy was silent and still. Then, after a moment, he wrapped his arms around her body, understanding her meaning. “You heard?”

Riza nodded, pulling away to search his eyes. Her hands rose to cup his cheeks, then began to roam over his shoulders and down his arms, just to affirm he was real, and he was okay. “It was all over the radio. They told everyone to stay indoors. I was walking to pick Mia up from school when I saw the Military Police closing off roads.” The grip on her waist tightened. “I overheard women at Mia’s school talking about it. They said you were there. You dealt with it.”

Roy nodded slowly.

“Are you okay?” she asked desperately.

“I’m fine,” he reassured her. “I got a scratch on the arm, but nothing serious.”

Riza’s eyes instantly moved to scan his arms. He was in just his shirt but didn’t notice anything amiss, and she hadn’t felt anything out of the ordinary on her initial, panicked skim over his arms. After a second cursory glance, she spotted a slightly discoloured spot on his shirt, up by his bicep. It looked bulkier than the rest of his arm. She raised a hand to brush her fingers over it and Roy never even flinched.

“See? I’m fine.” His soft smile eased her worry.

Riza hugged him fiercely again. “I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t have a chance to call. Then again, I didn’t think the radio stations would broadcast that there was a serial killer on the loose in the city,” he added as an afterthought, his tone hinting on anger. In hindsight, it _was_ a stupid thing to do. It would do nothing but instil panic in the citizens. 

“It’s okay,” Riza assured him, turning her face up to meet him. A smile made its way onto her face, expressing her relief. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

That night, Riza had some news to share with her husband. However, it was quickly forgotten about in the heat of the moment. Her fear and worry had overridden everything, banishing the thought from her mind. As they lay in bed, she curled into him, her grip tight and unforgiving as she anchored him to her. It terrified her that she could’ve lost him today. It was only as she was drifting off that her tired mind jerked her back awake, reminding her of her news. Glancing up at Roy, she saw he was already asleep. It was always a struggle for him to fall into it, so she was loath to wake him. Instead, Riza had ghosted her fingertips over the bandage on his bicep. He was okay. He was alive, and he was here with her. He wasn’t dead, taken away from her by a serial killer.

_He’s alive_.

It was a mantra in her head as she drifted off once more, resolving to tell him her news in the morning. She wanted to wait for a better time.

* * *

Riza had been to the doctors herself the day before. She hadn’t started her period again. She thought it might have been from just a few weeks ago, however, the doctor confirmed she was a lot further along than Riza initially thought.

She was expecting baby number two.

Riza was _desperate_ to tell him the next morning, but as usual, their home was a madhouse. Roy was rushing to get ready. His shirt was hanging open – the view very appreciated by Riza, but that wasn’t the point – and he had a piece of toast in his mouth as he fiddled with the belt buckle of his trousers. Riza just watched him, amused, and shook her head. However, her attention was quickly diverted away, because she had to get Mia ready. She was loving school in East City and had even made a few friends. She was practically vibrating with excitement as Riza buttoned up the top of her little polo shirt and fixed her cardigan in place.

Tears sprang to her eyes. Her baby girl had started school this spring. It just seemed like a month or two ago she was crawling around on her knees. When did she get so big?

“Okay, I’m off,” Roy announced, grabbing his briefcase from atop the kitchen table. He kissed Mia, cupping both her cheeks in his hands, making her giggle. “Enjoy school, Mia Bear. Be good and study hard, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy!”

“That’s my girl.” Then, it was Riza’s turn. “I’ll see you tonight,” he smiled, all his love for her pouring out of his eyes.

“Actually,” Riza interrupted, pulling on the lapels of his military jacket and tugging him gently back to face her. “Can we meet up for lunch?”

It was something they did often, and if Riza had to hold in her news any longer, she was sure she’d explode. That was the earliest she’d be able to catch him so she could tell Roy properly, rather than doing it as he was leaving in the morning in a rush. She knew his world would stop, and it would make him even later for work.

“Lunch?” Roy cocked his head, checking his mental schedule to see if anything clashed with her request. “Lunch is good. I can do lunch.” His excitement was contagious.

Riza kissed him in farewell. “I’ll see you at half past twelve?”

“Robertson’s?” he asked, naming her favourite café, and one she had frequented often when Mia was younger.

“Perfect. See you then.”

“I’m thoroughly looking forward to it,” he grinned. He turned to leave them both, giving a small wave. “Bye, ladies!”

“Bye Daddy!” Mia cried happily. “Oh! Mummy! I almost forgot!”

“What, honey?”

“I have a project due tomorrow.” Riza felt her stomach drop. _Oh no_. What could this possibly be? “We have to write our favourite things and a little bit about us on a piece of paper so we can tell the whole class about it.” Riza felt her body relax in relief. Okay, that was doable. “Can we do it tonight after Daddy comes home?” Her big eyes were wide as they begged her to say yes.

“Of course, Mia,” Riza reassured their daughter. Riza crouched low and placed a hand on top of her head. “I would love that, and I know Daddy would too.” 

Mia beamed and clapped her hands. “Yay!”

“You need to get your butt to school too.” Mia nodded and dashed to pick up her rucksack at the front door. “What about your shoes?” Riza asked. Looking down at her feet, Mia rolled her eyes and shrugged her rucksack off, diving for her little school shoes by the door. Riza was frozen on the spot, amazed at how alike Roy she was. He did the same thing, when he forgot something trivial around the house, like boiling water for a coffee, or forgetting to retrieve their post from the box in the mail room. Then, he’d trudge downstairs dutifully to collect it.

Once they’d both walked to Mia’s school, Riza walked home and once in the door, she let the excitement of her big news hit her fully. Placing a hand over her mouth, she let out a happy sob. They were going to be parents again. A hand was placed over her stomach, and Riza grinned through the tears that had begun to fall down her cheeks. There was life growing inside of her. She felt the same joy she’d felt the first time she’d found out she was pregnant, however that was dampened by the fact Roy was leaving in a few hours to go and fight in a war that he may not return home from.

She smirked to herself, letting the laugh bubble out of her chest at the thought of his reaction to this news. These were happier times. He wasn’t leaving. She wasn’t going to do this on her own. She would do it with him by her side. That thrilled her and made her feel so much more relaxed about the whole process already.

* * *

“Sorry I’m late,” Riza rushed as she sat down at the table Roy had already picked out for them. “My schoolwork took a little longer than I thought it would.”

“That’s okay,” Roy smiled warmly at her.

“Our darling daughter told me right after you left that she had a project due tomorrow, so I wanted to complete all my tasks before picking her up from school.”

Roy’s face fell. “Oh no. What kind of project?”

“Just a little profile for them. It’s going on the wall of the classroom, and Mia will present it to the class as a short talk, just telling everyone about herself.”

Roy relaxed. “That sounds easy enough.”

“She wants to do it with both of us tonight after dinner.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Roy grinned.

Riza heaved a sigh, finally settled, comfortable, and warming up after being out in the cool spring air. The temperature had yet to pick up considerably, but it was close. There was no longer a light dew on the grass in their front garden in the morning. Riza was just glad it was no longer frosty. She wasn’t used to the frost. East City was warmer because it was nearer the desert, so she’d never fully experienced frost like it before. Her childhood home in the forests out East was also warmer and more humid, so the most she got was dew on the grass. Maybe that was why she was always cold nowadays.

“Better?” Roy asked with a knowing smile.

“Better,” she confirmed.

“I ordered you a tea instead,” he stated, picking up the menu. “I noticed you took one this morning, so I figured that must be what you were in the mood for today.”

No, she’d taken a tea because she couldn’t have coffee now that she was pregnant. It had left her with terrible heartburn the first time around. Excitement coiled like a spring in her stomach when she remembered she still had to tell him her news.

“Did you order anything to eat yet?”

Roy shook his head. “I wanted to wait for you.”

Riza nodded, unable to stop her own smile from forming as she perused the menu. She knew she would always choose the soup but liked to see if anything else might take her fancy that day.

“The usual?” Roy asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Riza sighed and nodded. Soup sounded wonderful right now. Her hands were still cold underneath her gloves, so she wasn’t quite ready to pull them off yet. Soup would do just the trick to heat her up.

“Yes. The usual.”

Roy’s menu snapped closed with a grin, and he stood from his chair. “I’ll go and order it.”

While Riza waited her excitement refused to settle down. She was restlessly wringing her hands together when Roy returned, lost in a daydream.

“What’s up with you?” he asked, amused.

“What do you mean?” Riza asked, her attention snapping back to reality.

“You’re very jumpy this afternoon. Is everything all right?”

“Everything is fine, I just… I have some news.”

“Okay, go for it,” Roy encouraged, pocketing the bill for their lunch and turning his full attention to her.

“I didn’t want to do it here, but I just couldn’t wait any longer.” All morning she’d switched between telling him at lunch and telling him when he got home. Riza eventually settled on the former because she couldn’t hold it any longer.

“Hey guys!” a loud voice greeted just as Riza opened her mouth. Maes Hughes was approaching them hurriedly with a grin. He even waved. Riza’s stomach dropped. _Not now, Maes!_

Roy groaned quietly beside her, but she knew it was good-natured. “Hello, Hughes.”

“How are you both this fine day?” he grinned.

“Fine,” Riza replied.

Roy shot her an apologetic look. “We’re good.”

“Excellent! I’m particularly chipper today and do you want to know why?”

“Something tells me you’re going to tell us anyway,” Roy replied, making Hughes laugh. The latter slapped his friend amicably on the back, and Riza noticed Roy winced. It was thoroughly amusing to watch the pair of them interact. There was a lot of respect for each other in their relationship, and Riza knew Roy loved Maes like a brother.

“My darling daughter has drawn me the most _beautiful_ picture this morning! She’s a true artist,” he sniffed proudly. Riza was sure he was going to wipe away a tear at some point.

“That’s great, Hughes,” Roy replied, sounding less than enthused.

Riza nudged his leg underneath the table, shooting Roy a look to tell him to stop being a grump.

“It _is_ great, Roy. Thank you! Oh, Riza, I haven’t seen you in a while. Let me show you all our photos from her third birthday party.”

Roy groaned louder this time and sat back in his chair, closing his eyes. Riza snickered, knowing he’d seen these about ten times already.

Although Riza hadn’t been able to share her news, and was slightly frustrated she needed to wait _another_ couple of hours, it was a lovely lunch nonetheless. It was a joy to speak to Maes again. He was in town for this Scar case they were both working on, and Riza had to admit, she’d missed him. It had been too long since their last meeting.

Maybe it would be better if she just told Roy about the pregnancy at home. It wasn’t something she wanted to share in front of Maes. Not until Roy knew.

“Maes?” Riza managed to ask in between his constant gushing about his family.

“Yes, Riza, my dear?”

Amused at the added pet name, Riza smiled. He was obviously in a very good mood. “How would you like to come around for dinner one night?” Roy raised a questioning eyebrow at her, but Riza ignored it. “I feel like we haven’t properly sat down and talked in a long time.”

He cocked his head to the side in thought. “No, I suppose we haven’t. That was way back when Gracia and I lived in East City. Okay! Sounds great!”

“Bring Elicia and Gracia too, obviously,” Riza added.

“What about those Elric boys? Why don’t you invite them over too, Roy?” Hughes asked. “We’ve had them over for dinner a couple of times. I’m sure they would appreciate it.”

“Well, one will,” Roy muttered.

“That sounds like a great idea, Maes.”

His grin was wide. “Brilliant! This will be a lovely little dinner party.” He even clapped happily. “I will let Gracia know right away, and I’ll contact the boys. They’re heading to Liore right now, so I will see if they can manage it when they get back. Typical,” he rolled his eyes. “They only left yesterday.”

“Thank you, Maes.” At least that would give her a few weeks to prepare.

“Okay, I should get going,” Maes announced, checking the watch on his wrist. “I have a large stack of paperwork sitting on my desk, calling my name,” he groaned. “Half of it is because of all the havoc _you_ cause,” he added, shooting Roy a pointed look.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Roy replied haughtily. 

“I _know_ you do. Anyway, it was lovely to see you again Riza. I look forward to dinner next week,” he grinned. He gave her a little wave as he left. “See you soon!”

Roy stood too. Riza opened her mouth to tell him, the reveal on the tip of her tongue, but Roy beat her to it. “I should probably get going as well,” he sighed. “Unfortunately, I have a mountain of paperwork too,” he revealed grimly.

Roy rounded the table, kissing her cheek. He crouched down to her level, eyeing her carefully. “Sorry for the rushed exit.”

“It’s okay,” Riza reassured him. “Go and save the world, Roy Mustang.” She patted his head affectionately, and Roy grinned. He lifted himself up to her level, kissing her lips.

“I’ll see you tonight.” With one last kiss and a longing gaze complete with his puppy dog eyes, Riza watched him leave with a little laugh.

Her smile fell when Roy was out of sigh. Now she had even _longer_ to wait. The excitement, however, returned with a vengeance, and made her lips curl upwards again.

* * *

“You moan, but I think we should take this opportunity while we can. It would be nice to meet those young men. Plus, we – well, _I_ – never really see the Hughes’, and we should make the most of having dinner with them. They won’t be around forever.”

“That man will outlive all of us, mark my words,” Roy stated, pointing his fork at her over the dinner table. “He’s far too stubborn, cheery, and good to die before any of us. Well, except you of course, my dear,” he grinned.

“Are you calling me stubborn?” Riza deadpanned, but inside she was laughing.

“Of course,” Roy retorted, and Riza snorted, shaking her head. Roy could be so dramatic sometimes and then ended up being kind of sweet in a weird, roundabout, way. “I knew you as a kid, remember? You were a nightmare.”

“So were you, city boy.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“You two knew each other when you were little?” Mia asked, looking between her mother and father.

Roy nodded. “I visited Mummy and learned alchemy from Granddad.”

“That’s so cool!” Mia exclaimed, her eyes sparkling. “You’ve known each other for _ages_.”

Child logic dictated they were both ancient in age compared to Mia, so her comment made Riza laugh.

“Yes, we have, Mia.”

“Do you think I’ll meet someone nice like that when I’m a bit older?”

Riza smiled, shooting a glance at Roy. “If you can put up with them for that long, and still like them, then I hope so, honey.”

Mia beamed and went back to eating her food, satisfied with Riza’s answer.

“What was it you wanted to tell me at lunch, by the way?” Roy asked, filling his mouth with food. Her stomach fluttered in response, excitement carving its way through her body anew. “Before Hughes rudely interrupted us.”

Riza paused, then set down her fork. Her hands were shaking as she placed them on her lap, but it was with excitement. “I went to the doctors a few days ago.”

“What for?” he asked. Riza said nothing, just let her excitement show, unable to hold it any longer. “Are – Are you –” he stuttered, unable to even get the word out.

Riza nodded in confirmation, letting tears form in her eyes. It felt like she’d waited _years_ for this moment. Roy jumped up from his chair and circled the table. Mia jumped in fright and watched her father carefully, almost looking scared. He knelt by Riza’s chair, grabbing her hands and gripping them tightly in his. Wonder filled his eyes as he gazed up at her.

“Are you pregnant?” he whispered.

“Yes,” she nodded vigorously.

He surged upwards and hugged Riza tightly. Her tears were already falling, but she laughed as he almost knocked her off her chair with the force of it.

“Oh my god,” he whispered in her ear.

“Mummy?” Mia asked in a very small voice. Both parents glanced up at their daughter. She looked scared, unsure about what was going on and why her parents were crying. Mia looked like she was going to cry herself at the sight of them. “What’s going on?”

“Mia,” Riza stated, standing from her chair. Roy let her go, and she approached their daughter, placing a hand on her head in comfort. Riza’s hand slid down to her cheek and cupped them both with a smile. “You’re going to be a big sister.”

Mia’s face contorted in confusion. Her head cocked to the side, pushing against Riza’s hands. Riza moved them to her shoulders as Roy placed a hand on Riza’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“A big sister?” Mia asked.

Riza nodded. “Yes. I’m going to have another baby.”

It took a minute, but Mia’s face lit up. A large smile spread across her face and then her mouth opened wide as she gasped excitedly. She bounced in her chair. “A baby?!”

Roy chuckled as Riza nodded in reply. “Yes, honey.”

“Oh, wow!” she exclaimed in wonder. “Is it a boy or a girl?” she asked desperately.

“We don’t know yet,” Riza smiled. “It’s too early to know. When we find out, we’ll let you know.”

“Yay!”

Mia threw her arms around Riza’s neck, clutching at her collar tightly. “Thank you, Mummy.”

“What for, honey?”

“I’ve always wanted a little brother or sister,” she whispered. “Thank you for giving me one. I love you.”

Riza hugged her against her body tightly. “I love you too, Mia.” Roy ruffled Mia’s hair fondly.

They had quickly finished dinner then celebrated their news. Roy had run out to the nearest supermarket and bought a cake for them both, much to Riza’s amusement. Then, Riza remembered at the last minute about Mia’s project for school, so they spent an hour working on that. They laughed and played along with her, going over everything about Mia that she wanted to include in her project. It tired her out, eventually, because she fell asleep on the couch and Roy carried her through to her bedroom. It was an incredibly adorable sight, and one Riza would never tire of.

Once in bed that night Roy pulled Riza tightly against his chest. His hand came to rest upon her stomach, making her smile.

“How did you manage to keep that a secret for so long?” he asked.

“It was a struggle,” Riza smiled to herself. “But I managed.”

“You’re a much stronger person than me. I would never have been able to hold it in.”

Riza chuckled. “I thought I was going to burst at lunch.”

“Oh my god,” Roy groaned. She felt his forehead touch the back of her head as it bowed. “And Hughes picked the perfect time to show up, as per usual.”

“It was all right,” Riza stated. “I like Maes. I’m glad we found the time to invite them around.”

Roy kissed her bare shoulder. “Me too. It will be nice to socialise again,” he chuckled.

“Work has kept you busy, huh?” Riza patted the hand over her stomach in sympathy before entwining their fingers together.

“It has. I won’t lie, things have definitely picked up recently after the Scar case. And if I get transferred to Central then it will only get worse.”

“Is it still the right direction, though?”

Roy nodded. “Yes. And now we’re going to have this baby…” His thumb stroked over her skin and she twitched, tickled by his ministrations. “Things are going to change, but for the better, I think. I hope.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, whatever happens.”

“With you by my side, I’ll never be steered wrong.” He kissed her temple.


	15. anywhere your love goes, you will find me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song for this chapter: joshua radin – anywhere your love goes

## 1914

** _anywhere the sun shines_ **

** _anywhere your love goes_ **

** _you will find me_ **

** **

“Moving to Central?” Riza asked in surprise. Roy had mentioned the move before but that seemed like a far-off thing – something not happening until the end of the year, or in the new one.

“They liked how I handled the Scar situation so much that they promoted me.”

“A promotion too?”

“Don’t act like it was so unlikely,” he grinned cheekily.

“No, I’m just… This is great for you.” Her expression softened, her lips curving upwards as he grinned at her. “Well done. I’m proud of you, and this is a step in the right direction.”

Roy’s arms looped around her body, locking together on the small of her back. “It’s all thanks to you.”

Riza snorted lightly in disbelief. “I doubt that.”

“No, it is,” Roy urged as she tried to pull away. His grip tightened and Roy held her in place. “You’ve pushed me to keep going. Plus, now we have baby number two on the way, we _have_ to get a bigger place, so this is the perfect excuse,” he winked. Roy chuckled as Riza swatted his arm, making him loosen his hold on her waist.

“What happened with Scar, by the way?” she enquired.

“He’s still on the loose. He’s far too fast for us to catch but at the moment, the threat has passed.”

“Just be careful, okay?”

“Always am,” he reassured her with a grin. Riza promptly rolled her eyes at him. Says the man that fell off her roof while trying to impress her.

But still… Riza bit her lip. She knew Scar was an Ishvalan man. Roy had expressed his strong desire _not_ to use alchemy against him, not after what he did. Riza reasoned that he had to protect himself. He had a whole country depending on him. Once Roy started making moves with the changes he wanted to see in the world, the Amestrian people would need him. He couldn’t get himself killed with the first step he took.

“Did you use your alchemy against him?”

There was a pause which caused Riza to glance at him. Roy’s gaze was off to the side as he answered.

“No.”

Riza felt relief wash over her. “How come?”

“It was raining all day.”

Riza blinked at him, then burst out laughing. She couldn’t help it. A memory from their past came to her mind unbidden, and it always amused her thoroughly. It involved smug Roy trying to show off and some petrol. He’d been trying to get the old barbeque they had going in the damp, wet air. It wasn’t working, so Genius Roy, with all of his fifteen years of wisdom, thought that pouring a few drops of petrol on the barbeque would get it going. It did. The inferno claimed his eyebrows. Riza had to draw them on for days after so her father wouldn’t find out.

She’d never laughed so much in her childhood before.

“It’s not funny,” he glared.

“I’m sorry, dear. I wasn’t laughing at that,” she giggled, trying to calm herself down. 

Roy moved to sulk on the couch instead. He placed his face on two closed fists, his elbows resting on his knees. Mia was lost in her own world as she played with her toys on the rug in front of them.

“Okay,” she admitted. “I was.”

“Before you say it,” Roy interrupted her. “I’m not _useless_,” he spat out, the word obviously leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

“I bet you didn’t even realise it was raining that day, did you?” Riza grinned from behind the couch. She perched on the back of it, running her hand through his hair. There was a soft sigh from Roy, and it made Riza’s smile grow.

“No,” he muttered sullenly. “Listen,” he jumped in, his spine straightening. “When you’re faced with a serial killer, you’d have bigger things to worry about than the weather, all right?”

“Not when it affects my ability to use alchemy, the only way to defend myself,” Riza retorted. His defensive argument was a strong one, however he _could_ have been killed when fighting Scar that day. That was the reality of it. Riza tried to let it go. She exhaled slowly and quietly, letting that anxious energy drain out of her. He was fine. He was alive. He was still breathing, and his heart was still beating.

He was okay.

Roy huffed, returning to his sulk. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered.

“Daddy?” Mia asked, not looking up from playing with her toys. Her brow was furrowed as she still played, confused about something.

“Yes, Mia?” he asked. His mood perked up as soon as their daughter called him. It made the smile return to Riza’s face.

“What’s a serial killer?”

Riza snickered as Roy stiffened underneath her hand. She patted his head twice then bent at the waist to whisper in his ear. “I’ll let you deal with this one,” she stated, oh so kindly. Their daughter had quite the inquisitive streak and was a sponge – she picked up everything.

“Gee, thanks,” he deadpanned.

“Dinner will be ready shortly Mia, okay?” Riza called during her retreat to their kitchen.

“Okay Mummy,” she called as she clambered up onto her father’s lap.

“Make sure all your toys are tidied up, okay?”

“Yes Mummy,” she replied dutifully.

“Thank you, Mia.”

Riza smiled and left the two of them to their lesson, snickering at the thought of Roy explaining to their five-year-old what a serial killer was. In all honesty, she shouldn’t know, but Mia would never let things go. If they put it off, she’d just ask again and again until she got her answer. Or worse, she’d ask someone else, stating she heard her parents talking about it. That had happened before, and it was an awkward conversation with the adult afterwards.

Ten minutes after their impromptu lesson began, Roy entered the kitchen alone and kissed her cheek in greeting.

“As I was saying, before I was _rudely _interrupted.”

“Are you talking about me, or our child?” Riza asked dryly. “Choose wisely.”

“Um… None?” he squeaked with a forced grin. Riza rolled her eyes, and the forced smile on Roy’s face fell, leaving a real one in its place. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that it was you who saved me with Scar.”

Riza scoffed. “Hardly.”

“No, you did. Honestly. I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.” He stopped for a moment, tilted his head then smiled softly. “Watching out for me even when you’re not by my side,” Roy grinned. “I knew I married you for a reason.”

“To stop you from inadvertently getting yourself killed?” Riza asked, raising one eyebrow.

“Something like that,” Roy smiled, angling his head to kiss her temple.

“I believe Maes calls your ability to still find yourself alive “sheer dumb luck”. Emphasis on the dumb.”

“Well, Maes is always talking out of his ass.”

“Daddy?” Mia piped up suddenly, appearing in the doorway. “What’s an ass –”

“Oh! Mia!” Riza announced quickly and loudly, distracting their daughter with her food. “Dinner is ready! Daddy will help you into your chair.”

Mia grinned and ran over to him, holding her arms up in the air, signalling she wanted up. It was like she was two years old again.

Riza shot him a pointed look that said, “_no more swearing in front of the kid_.” The last thing Riza needed was for her to repeat that. Hopefully, she’d caught it early enough that Mia had already forgotten all about it.

“So… Central?” Riza stated as they retired to the living room for the night.

“Are you all right with that?” he asked, an undercurrent of uncertainty in her tone.

Riza nodded. “Of course.”

“I just knew it meant you’d be able to pursue your career and Central would give you so many more opportunities to do that than being here does.” From his tone it was clear he’d already built up a case to try and persuade her, but there was no need. She was already ready to go. It was the packing up of all Mia’s toys that would be the nightmare part of it.

“Roy, I’m ready. This is a step in the right direction for you.”

“But it’s your life _too_,” he stressed, turning to face her. “I can’t just assume you’ll uproot your life just for me.”

Riza smiled and cupped his cheek. “You’re sweet. But don’t worry. I already told you I had something lined up in Central for this year and you’re also my husband,” she stated, as if it were obvious. “I’d follow you anywhere.”

That seemed to settle some of his fears and his nervousness. His shoulders sagged in relief.

Riza wondered if he was like this every day at work. He seemed to be calm, cool, and collected in front of his colleagues at the ball, but when it came to her he was always uncertain and sure she was going to turn and run away from him at a moment’s notice. It may not be intentional, but that was the vibe he gave off to her. Riza wasn’t worried about it, per se, but she’d married him, and loved him with all her heart. He owned it completely. What else could she do to prove that she wasn’t going anywhere?

“There’s nothing to worry about on my part. And Central will be good for us. Plus, Maes and Gracia are there too, so we’ll be able to see them more often.”

“Oh no.”

“What?” His tone was filled with dread, and worry began to pool in Riza’s chest.

“I won’t just get phone calls about his kid and Gracia, I’ll have to deal with it in _person_.”

Riza rolled her eyes. “Drama queen.”

“It’s a real problem I suffer with here. I would think as my wife you’d be supportive,” he frowned.

“You’re on your own there, dear,” she smiled sweetly, patting his knee. Before she could remove it, Roy snagged it in his hand. “Okay, so now we need to think about moving,” Riza stated, already planning and making a list of things to do in her head. “We’ll need boxes. I threw out all the ones we brought here with us. I’ve no schoolwork tomorrow and was planning on going to the market with Mia anyway, so I’ll pick something up then.”

“Tell me about it,” Roy requested, immediately after she’d finished her train of thought.

“Excuse me?” she asked, confused by his request. “Tell you about cardboard boxes?”

“Tell me about your typical day. About what you have planned for tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Riza stated after a pause, wracking her brain for what she’d decided to do tomorrow. “Tomorrow the market is on in the square from nine o’clock until noon, so I’ll go there with Mia to collect some fresh vegetables for dinner. Then, we’ll probably go to the park and she’ll play on the swings.” Roy grinned. They made that trip a few times a month on the weekends and Mia would be on those swings for hours if they let her. “Then, I’ll nip into town and get a cup of coffee –”

“Where about?” he inquired.

“Robertson’s.”

“The old haunt.” Roy quipped.

“They do a soup that Mia really likes so we’ll have some of that for lunch then head back. At home she’ll play while I look over my schoolwork, then we play until you come home. Except…” She cocked her head in thought. “We’ll nip back to the market as it closes to see if we can get some cardboard boxes from some of the stalls.”

“That sounds genuinely wonderful. I wish I could join you,” he murmured.

“One day,” she smiled. “Or we’ll do it more often when you’ve got the day off.”

“In a perfect world I like to think we’d do that every day.”

“Oh yeah? What do you imagine our lives being like?”

Roy took a deep breath then let it out in a rush, tilting his head to look up at the ceiling. “If I never joined the military… I picture us in a house out in the country. Not your father’s one, but something new that we bought ourselves with our own money. We’d have chickens, we’d have a cow and a goat.”

“Just one of each?”

Roy nodded. “Yep. Just one is all we need. There would be a little vegetable plot in the back garden where we’d grow our own… It would be perfect.”

Riza hummed and leaned her head against his shoulder. “That does sound wonderful.”

“However.” He heaved a sigh. “This was the path I chose, so I must follow through with it.”

Riza patted the hand on his thigh. “I’ll be right behind you.”

“How about beside me?” he asked, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. “I don’t like the idea of you being behind me.”

“I’m supposed to watch your back, Roy,” she smiled dryly. “I can’t do that from beside you.”

“Then how am I supposed to watch yours, with you behind me?” he queried. “No, beside sounds a lot better, because we’re equals. We look out for each other, and no one is getting put to the back or left behind,” he stated firmly. Riza smiled at his explanation and felt her chest blossom with warmth at his words, along with a little flutter in her stomach.

“That sounds lovely, Roy,” she hummed in agreement.

Silence settled over them, and Riza turned her vision to the future, thinking about how everything was all falling into place conveniently for them. She was loath to damper on the moment for herself, but this seemed too easy. Letting go of her insecurities was easier said than done, but she gave herself a shake anyway. No, she wouldn’t let those fears ruin this lovely moment for herself.

“So, Central, huh?”

“I know,” Roy stated.

“This is a big move.”

Roy nodded. “It will be good for us.”

Riza agreed with him. “Definitely. I’m sure we’ll have lots of fun in the big city,” she joked. “Plus, we’ll be closer to Chris, so she’ll get to see Mia more often.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing,” Roy stated dryly.

“She’s great with Mia,” Riza said, eyeing him like he was crazy. “What are you talking about?”

“I meant for Mia. Poor kid must put up with her. At the best of times, it wasn’t fun,” he joked, mock fear on his face.

“She must have done an all right job because you turned out okay,” Riza retorted.

“Just okay?” Roy asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Riza felt a mischievous streak overtake her. “Yes. Just “okay”. Below average, but a passing grade.”

Something flashed in his eyes and Riza began to laugh as Roy tickled her mercilessly as a punishment.

“Stop it,” Riza gasped. “You’ll wake Mia up!”

“No, _you_ will wake her up,” he grinned, continuing his torture.

“_Roy_!”

She was silenced with lips pressed hard against her own. Her laughs and gasps turned into moans as Roy’s hands stayed on her body, but began to stroke it instead, lighting a spark within Riza that only he could put out. She moaned his name as he moved down to her neck. 

“That’s a better volume,” he quipped.

Riza pulled at his hair gently, guiding him back up to her lips. “Much better,” she agreed.

* * *

The move to Central happened in a blur. Two days after Roy announced it, and was officially told himself, they were expected to move out of their apartment within the week and head to Central. The military had already allocated Roy a new home in the city, so they were expected to be ready to go.

_Talk about military efficiency_, Riza had thought sourly, exhausted after cramming her packing time into two days, rather than the weeks she thought she would have. Luckily, they let Roy off work so he could prepare too, so she didn’t have to do it all by herself. It made the hectic and stressful time in her life easier to deal with while he was helping.

Now in Central, Riza barely remembered what happened. The move was over that quick. One morning she woke up in their apartment in East City to a fall asleep in a different one.

Except this wasn’t an apartment. It was a house. Roy had specifically put in a request for them to have a house.

“_I wanted to save the trouble of moving again, since the family is growing_.” He’d shrugged, like it was no big deal. Riza had been touched that he’d been so thoughtful. “_I don’t want to drag Mia through all that chaos again_.”

Their five-year-old was surprisingly calm throughout it all. Maybe she could sense how stressed her mother was and kept quiet. Of _course,_ the military expected Roy to check in at Central Headquarters the day they arrived, leaving Riza to unpack. He’d been assured it would only be an hour or so, however four hours later, Riza was worrying about where he’d gotten to. When Roy did eventually return, he was extremely apologetic and had even stopped off at a bakery to pick up a coffee and a pastry for her.

“I promise, I’ll make this up to you,” he’d assured her. He didn’t have to, but Roy was adamant. The look in his eye told her that the “making up” wouldn’t be coming until after they’d retired to bed.

She wasn’t annoyed at him. Her sourness was directed more at the military, which was happening more frequently these days. It didn’t mean that the making up for his prolonged absence wasn’t welcome. Far from it. He’d become more affectionate recently, and Riza accepted it wholeheartedly. She enjoyed every second of it. It made her feel so loved, which she was eternally grateful for every time. Roy had that effect on her.

She couldn’t wait to see what their future held in Central. Despite being exhausted from their move she was thoroughly excited. Their home was perfect. It was large, spacious, and had room for them to grow within its walls. It was military owned, but far from what Riza had expected it would be. In her mind it would be beige walls everywhere, with no character or warmth. Instead, it was an old townhouse that had been taken over for military accommodation, which still harboured the old wood panelling in the hallway and plush carpet throughout the ground floor. It was warm and welcoming, just what she’d always wanted in a home.

Mia adored the large back garden and the first day, she’d stood with her face pressed against the glass of the patio doors, mind boggling at the sight of the expanse of grass before her.

Roy had regaled her with his plans for the space. “We can get a swing,” he had explained, casting his hand over the old oak tree at the corner. “We can tie it around the tree branches and Mia can swing from there. When the little one is old enough, they can join her,” he grinned. “In that corner,” he gestured over to the opposite side of the garden. “I can build a small vegetable patch and we can grow our own.”

Riza glanced up at him and noticed the sparkle in his eyes as he spoke about all of this. She remembered the conversation they’d had about their ideal lives, and how Roy said he wanted a vegetable garden. She smiled up at him, catching the bug for his excitement and turned her attention back to the garden as he showed off the space.

Yeah. Riza couldn’t wait.


	16. this is life in colour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the moment quite a few of you have been waiting for! hopefully it lives up to expectations. if not, i'm sorry, but i'm really happy with it so :D
> 
> song for this chapter: onerepublic – life in colour

**1914**

** _well this is life in colour_ **

** _today feels like no other_ **

“Hello, Riza,” Gracia Hughes greeted warmly, hugging the host tightly after stepping into her home. “How have you been?”.

“I’ve been well, Gracia. Thank you for asking. What about yourself?”

“The same,” she smiled, glancing down at her daughter, who had just tugged on her hand to get her mother’s attention.

“Mummy?” Elicia asked. “Where’s Mia?”

Riza smiled at Hughes' daughter, and Gracia smiled at her eagerness.

“She’s inside, Elicia,” Riza revealed, crouching to her level. “Let me take your jacket and you can go in and see her if you like? She’s in the living room with Uncle Roy.”

Shortly after her birth, Maes and Gracia had asked Roy and Riza if they’d like to be the godparents of Elicia. They both readily accepted and returned the favour with Mia. The titles of aunt and uncle came along shortly after that, and it stuck.

At that piece of information, Elicia’s eyes lit up and she grinned. “Okay!” 

“Aunt Rebecca is already in there too,” Riza announced as she eased Elicia’s coat gently off her shoulders. Elicia’s eyes lit up even more. She was a big fan of Rebecca.

“Yay!” she clapped happily.

“I love this jacket, Elicia. It’s very beautiful.” She beamed at her Aunt Riza. 

“I picked it out myself. I like the flowers on it!” she exclaimed.

“You have very good taste.”

Elicia’s eyes positively sparkled, and her cheeks turned a light shade of pink in her pride.

“Head on through, Honey,” Riza gestured. “They’re just in there.”

Elicia was a very confident child, not much phased her, however she tentatively walked to the living room and peeked through the door to see who was there waiting for her. When she spotted Roy, her posture straightened, and that confidence returned.

“Uncle Roy!” she cried happily, running into the room.

“Thank you for inviting us,” Gracia added once Riza had straightened to stand.

“Thank you for coming. I appreciate it, especially after having to reschedule.”

The Elric brothers were out of town for longer than anticipated and then Roy and Riza had to move to Central, so the dinner party she’d arranged with Maes was quickly forgotten about and put on the back burner until they were settled.

“Of course,” Gracia announced. “I wouldn’t miss tonight for the world,” she smiled warmly. “I brought some wine for the three ladies,” Gracia announced.

Just then, Maes opened the front door and entered the hallway, shivering from the cool spring air outside, but sighing in relief from the sudden warmth.

“It’s getting warmer out there, so that’s something!” Maes hugged his arms tight to his body to warm himself before shrugging out of his jacket. “Riza!” he cried with a grin, enveloping her in a tight hug. “How are you?”

“I’m well, Maes,” she smiled. “And thank you for the gift, Gracia. I really appreciate it… but, I won’t be able to drink it tonight, unfortunately. It will just be you and Rebecca on the wine tonight,” Riza revealed, her eyes sparkling as she watched the two of them furrow their brows. Gracia was the one who reached the conclusion first, but Maes was not long after her. 

“Are you _pregnant_, Riza Mustang?” Gracia gasped. Riza nodded vigorously. “Oh, my goodness. Congratulations!” Riza was enveloped in another tight hug by Gracia. Maes joined in as well and the three of them embraced happily in Riza’s hallway.

“Another bun in the oven, huh?” Maes asked, kissing Riza’s cheek. “Congrats! Where’s Roy?”

“In the living room,” Riza told him.

Without another word, Maes entered and shook his hand. Riza watched as Roy stood and Maes pulled him into a tight hug. Roy smiled, clapping his back in thanks.

“I’ll take this out of your way then,” Gracia announced, placing the bottle of wine back in the bag she’d brought with her. “We can save it for after the baby is born. How about that?” she grinned.

“I would love that. Thank you.”

“Would you like any help in the kitchen?” Gracia offered.

“No thank you, I’m all right. Make yourself at home,” Riza offered, showing her through to their living room where the excited chatter continued now that Maes was in on the secret that she was pregnant.

There was another knock at the door, followed by hushed voices, so Gracia excused herself as Riza approached the door.

“Brother, stop fidgeting,” a rather metallic sounding voice stated sharply.

“I’m not, Al,” another replied. They both sounded so young.

“You are, I’m watching you do it. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

“I’m not _nervous_,” the boy spat.

“It’s just the Colonel,” a female voice replied, her voice hushed.

“I know who it is, Winry,” the boy grumbled. “And I’m not nervous!”

Riza opened the door and was slightly taken aback when a large metal suit of armour filled her vision. The metallic voice gasped as the door opened, promptly straightening in posture as he saw Riza. _That must be Alphonse_. Next to him stood a small teenager. His long bangs covered his forehead, dropping down towards his eyes. Matching his fringe, was a long braid that extended down his back. _Edward. _The girl though, Riza didn't know. Her long blonde hair was gently brushed to the side in the spring breeze. In her hands she clutched a basket with a cover over it, and from the door Riza could faintly smell cooked apples.

She’d learned about everything that had happened with Edward and Alphonse Elric. Edward was wearing a red jacket and gloves, but Riza caught a glimpse of his automail underneath the cloth. She knew Alphonse was a soul bonded to this suit of armour before her. Riza was fully aware they’d been the victim of human transmutation, but seeing them both before her now made the news hit home even harder than it had before. _Edward still looks so young_. It was a horrifying thought, and Riza’s heart sank a little. They’d been even _younger_ than they were now when they performed the taboo. 

Ever since she’d discovered what had happened to them, Riza just wanted to give them both a hug. Roy had told her his plan to keep what they did a secret in exchange for Edward’s loyalty to his cause, but he also revealed that he would hate it if the top brass ever found out what happened to them. Alphonse would be taken away and studied while they tried to figure out how it was possible. Edward would be kept under close watch and wouldn’t have as much freedom to go out and travel the country to find out what happened to them both. Roy liked to gripe about how much of a headache Edward gave him, but she knew he cared for the two boys, and Riza couldn’t think of a better person to look out for them both. She was glad they had Roy’s support behind them.

Pushing down her strong maternal instinct for the moment, Riza smiled at the trio warmly. “Hello Edward, Alphonse. Come in,” she beckoned. Stepping aside, they both entered her home.

Despite the hushed conversation she’d heard before opening the door, Edward did look rather nervous, but he stepped forward and inside the house. Alphonse ducked carefully and stepped inside, filling her hallway, but managed to clear the ceiling with enough room to move comfortably.

“Good evening, Mrs. Mustang,” Alphonse greeted.

“Hello…” Edward greeted, unsure on how to proceed. It felt like he wanted to say something, then stopped himself. “Mrs. Mustang,” he finished sheepishly. Riza smiled at him, appreciative of his manners. Obviously, it would take some time for them to get used to it.

“I do apologise,” Riza added as the girl entered after them. “But I don’t believe we’ve met before. Roy didn’t mention your friend here,” Riza announced kindly.

“My name is Winry,” she replied. “It’s lovely to meet you, Mrs. Mustang.” She shifted from foot to foot for a moment. “And sorry for turning up unannounced,” she fretted. “Mr. Hughes said it would be all right,” she explained.

Riza waved away her concerns. “The more the merrier,” she replied. There was more than enough food to go around as well, so an extra guest was no problem for Riza. “It’s a pleasure to meet the three of you,” she greeted. “And please, Riza is fine,” she insisted. “Everyone is in the living room just now.” Riza directed them to the correct door. “Would you like a drink?”

“Just water, please,” Edward replied.

“The same for me,” Winry requested politely.

“N – Nothing for me please, Mrs. Mus – I mean, Riza,” Alphonse stuttered.

“It’s all right, Alphonse,” she soothed him. “Roy told me what happened to you both.” Edward’s spine straightened, his face was stricken. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer you instead.”

“That’s – That’s okay, Mrs. Mustang. Um, I – I mean we – would really appreciate it if…” Alphonse trailed off.

“If you didn’t say anything,” Edward finished. His eyebrow twitched in irritation. Given his relationship with Roy, something told Riza that Edward was annoyed at him for letting their secret slip.

“Don’t worry, boys,” Riza reassured them. “I’ve known about you two since before you got your automail, Edward.” The pair of them shared a look. “I’ve hoped for a while that I’d be able to meet you someday. How are you both? Are you all right?”

They shared another look. They were surprised by her concern, but her maternal instinct wouldn’t rest. At every mention of those boys, Riza couldn’t help but think about her own daughter, and how she couldn’t bear the thought if something like that happened to Mia.

“We’re… okay. Thank you.” Edward seemed genuinely surprised and his thanks were sincere.

“If there’s anything you need, just let me know,” Riza smiled, showing them the way into their living room. They were greeted warmly by her other guests and Riza left them to it, entering their kitchen.

“I brought something along with me,” Winry announced shyly as Edward and Alphonse entered to speak to the other guests. “I baked an apple pie.”

“Oh, Winry. Thank you so much. I thought something smelled delicious. Would you like to bring it through?”

Winry nodded and followed her to the kitchen.

“Just put it wherever you find a space,” Riza told her. “I can’t wait to dig in.”

“Thank you. I hope it’s all right. Edward loves it, but I think he’s a little biased.” She chuckled, her cheeks turning slightly pink. Riza smiled knowingly, recognising that look.

“I’m sure it will be perfect.”

“Would you like a hand with cooking?” Winry offered.

“I’ll be fine, but thank you for your offer. Go through and enjoy the company. I’ve got things handled in here.”

“Okay, thank you, Mrs. Must - I mean Riza.”

* * *

Riza busied herself with cooking dinner, oblivious to what was happening in the rest of her house. She heard laughter in the background as she worked, and it made her smile. She was pleased everyone was getting along. Growing up, she’d never had a house as warm of this. She never thought she ever would. To hear such happiness emanate from her living room as all her guests enjoyed themselves made her heart warmer than any fire could.

Well, except maybe Roy’s. He always managed to make her feel safe, loved, and happy. To this day she couldn’t believe her luck. The attractive, brilliant, and overall incredible Roy Mustang had fallen in love with sad, lonely, and plain Riza. Sometimes she’d wondered if it had been out of pity, especially after they were first married.

Her father had asked Roy to take care of her on his deathbed. That request still bewildered Riza because Berthold had never shown love or care to her after her mother's death. It was as if he’d forgotten about Riza completely. Riza wondered if it was out of guilt, but didn’t hold out much hope for that reasoning. He probably only wanted Roy to protect her body, not her as a person. After all, she’d been turned into her father’s own personal notebook. The research on her back was more important than Riza.

Being the gentleman he was, Roy had asked Riza to marry him. Riza had often thought it was only because he’d felt it was his duty, but she hadn’t wanted to tie him down like that. So, she questioned _everything_, because how could she be loved so much by him? It had to be an act. It _had _to be. He was young, and did the thing he thought was right. In the first few weeks Riza had been waiting for him to come to his senses and leave her, realising he’d made a mistake tying himself to her so young. Her father had drilled it into her that she was useless every day. How could someone so useless be loved by him? Slowly, Roy had chipped away at her walls and broken them down. Riza couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so happy in her childhood.

Then, the bomb was dropped when he’d been called up to serve in Ishval. She’d been loved and cherished for six months, then he’d been roughly pulled away from her. He was going off to _war_. He could have been killed. Coupled with the hormones from her pregnancy, Riza had spent many days, not just nights, sitting in a depressive state, tears tracking down her cheeks. That was when she was at her lowest.

Rebecca dragged her out of that somewhat. She was taken on days out. They went shopping for Mia together to prepare for her birth. These trips led to lunches out or teas in coffee shops. Before Riza knew it, it was time for dinner. Rebecca invited her around to her apartment for dinner more often than not. Riza had been too tired from their busy days to make it home. Sometimes Rebecca drove her back to her cold, lonely apartment, but Riza always preferred sleeping at Rebecca’s. It helped to have some company.

“Hello,” Roy greeted as he kissed her temple, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. He broke her from her ruminations, but Riza wasn’t going to complain about his more than welcome affections.

“Hello, you,” Riza smiled, looking over the timings on the recipe sheet in front of her. She set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes then relaxed against Roy’s chest. The last thing was being cooked and in twenty minutes, the food would be ready to serve. This was the first time she’d ever hosted a meal and was slightly nervous. She just wanted everything to go well.

“How are you doing?” His arms slipped from around her waist while Riza turned in his grasp. They settled on her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I’m fine.” She was a little bit tired, but not enough to put her off hosting for the night. 

“Let me know if you need any help, okay?”

“I will Roy, don’t worry.” She kissed him softly. The grip on her waist tightened in response. “Everything is fine through here. What about through there?” she nodded towards the living room.

“Surprisingly, Edward Elric is good with kids.”

“He’s a kid himself. Why wouldn’t he be?”

“Because he has a terrible attitude that stinks to high heaven?”

Riza scoffed. “Only to you. He was perfectly polite when I met him.”

Roy grumbled under his breath, a scowl forming on his face.

“Maybe if you weren’t so hard on him, he would be nicer to you.”

“I have been nice,” Roy stated defensively. “I gave them the freedom they needed, didn’t I?”

“Followed by a smug look and a snarky comment, no doubt,” Riza teased.

Roy’s scowl deepened but Riza just laughed at him. She pulled away, moving away to cut the last of the carrots.

“Go back to entertaining our guests,” she dismissed him with an amused tone. “And try not to make Edward throttle you.”

Roy snorted. “I can’t make that promise,” he muttered.

Riza entered their living room with an amused smile. Laughter made its way through to her and she wondered what was so funny. Roy was scowling at Hughes – what was new there – while everyone was laughing, most likely at Roy’s expense.

“And then he was knocked flat on his ass,” Maes stated loudly before guffawing, while Rebecca joined in with him. Edward was cackling away while Alphonse’s laugh was slightly nervous, like he felt he probably shouldn’t be laughing. Gracia just smiled, but her attention was on her daughter and Mia. Riza’s heart melted at the sight of Winry sitting on the floor, Elicia in her lap, and Mia by her side as they played with Hayate.

Mia wasn’t laughing, though. Elicia was giggling because everyone else was, but Mia’s face fell as she looked up at her father, then around at everyone in the room. Riza watched as she climbed to her feet, rushing over to Roy. 

“That’s okay, Daddy,” Mia reassured him. She wrapped her arms around a surprised Roy’s neck. “You’ll always be my hero,” Riza heard her whisper in his ear. It was spoken quiet enough that the rest of them didn’t hear over their laughter, but Riza was standing behind the couch Roy was sitting on, so she heard every word.

Roy wrapped his arms tightly around Mia. “Thank you, Mia Bear,” he whispered.

“Dinner is served, everyone,” Riza announced. Eagerly, their guests made their way to their dining room. Riza hung back and waited for Roy and Mia. He’d hoisted her into his arms and was carrying her through on his hip, rather than walking with Mia by his side. Hayate walked dutifully by their side, looking up at Mia as they walked.

The whole night was a hit. The drinks flowed and _all_ the food was gone by the end of the night. Most of them went back for seconds, stating it was too good to only have one serving. Riza thanked them sincerely, touched. On the inside she was beaming with pride.

“I told you Riza was an amazing cook,” Roy announced, kissing her cheek. She turned pink at the compliment and went back to eating Winry’s apple pie without saying a word.

“Her cooking is to _die_ for,” Rebecca announced, helping herself to a third plate, unashamed.

“Riza, my dear, you’re an absolutely wonderful cook, however no one holds a candle to my Gracia,” Maes winked. “Sorry.”

“Winry’s apple pie is great too,” Alphonse piped up. “Edward tells me its the best he’s ever tasted.”

Riza watched, trying to hide her laugh as Edward’s face turned scarlet and Winry’s cheeks were dusted pink.

Edward coughed in response. “Yeah, it is,” he muttered quietly in response. “It’s really great.”

“Let’s not compare and contrast,” Gracia announced, keeping the peace. “The meal was wonderful, Riza. Thank you so much.”

A chorus of thank yous sounded around the table.

Riza noticed Alphonse was writing in a notebook under the table. Not wishing to embarrass him, she kept it quiet, but Mia noticed, to her chagrin.

“What are you writing, Alphonse?” she asked, eyes wide and curious.

“Oh! Um…” He sounded embarrassed. Riza opened her mouth to tell Mia to leave her questions for now, but Alphonse continued anyway. “It’s a journal I like to keep.”

“What’s in it?”

“Mia? Let’s leave questions for later, okay?” Riza told her gently.

“It’s okay, Mrs. Mus – I mean Riza,” Alphonse piped up. “Um, it’s a journal of all the food I’m going to eat when… I feel better.”

Mia was too young to understand that Alphonse had lost his entire body and Riza appreciated the teen stating he wasn’t eating because he didn't feel well, rather than revealing he had no mouth. Mia took it in her stride and nodded without further questioning.

“Brother tells me all the things that are particularly delicious, and I take a note of them in here, so I remember to try them when I get my body back,” Alphonse elaborated.

The table _aw_ed at his kind statement. Riza felt tears welling inside her eyes. Alphonse was incredibly sweet for saying it, and she was touched.

Roy squeezed her knee in comfort. “That’s lovely of you to say, Alphonse,” Roy told him.

“Yes,” Riza stuttered, taking a deep breath to calm herself. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” Alphonse stated happily. “We’ll make sure to come back so I can try your food. If that’s all right, of course?”

Roy grinned and patted her knee again under the table.

“That would be lovely,” she smiled, blinking furiously. “Thank you.”

* * *

“Um, Mrs. Mustang?” a nervous voice asked as Riza washed the dishes in the sink. 

Turning, she saw Winry standing in the doorway.

“Hello, Winry. Is everything all right?”

She nodded. “Sorry, it just didn’t feel right to leave you to clean up by yourself.”

Riza chuckled. “That’s not a problem, Winry. You’re our guest. I wouldn’t ask you to wash dishes with me anyway.”

“Would you mind if I helped?”

“If you insist,” Riza smiled, handing her a dish towel. “I wouldn’t mind the company either.”

“I…” She trailed off, biting her lip as she took the towel from Riza’s outstretched hand.

Riza paused for a second, expectantly. Winry obviously wanted to ask her something, but couldn’t quite form the words. 

“Take your time, Winry,” Riza reassured her as she continued in her task. Soap suds were up to her elbows as she made her way through the mountain of plates they’d used at dinner.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Go ahead. I’m all ears.”

“Do you… worry about the Colonel a lot?”

“All the time,” Riza replied simply.

Winry nodded and Riza saw her swallow. “How do you deal with it?” Her voice was extremely quiet as she wiped the water off the plate and gently placed it on the counter.

Riza paused, cocking her head in thought. She wouldn’t lie to the girl and say it was easy, because sometimes it wasn’t.

“He’s in a position of power, and in the military. He could be called out to war at any moment, but I think I would worry about him all the time regardless of that fact.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love him,” Riza elaborated. “And when you love someone so much, you worry about them regardless of where they are in their life. Are they happy? Are they healthy? Are they doing okay? I feel the same way about Mia as well. I just want my family to be cared for and happy, so focus on that.”

Winry nodded, picking up another plate. She was silent as she absorbed Riza’s words. The two worked together quietly as Riza waited for Winry to move the conversation further.

“It’s hard,” the young girl whispered.

“I know,” Riza replied sympathetically.

“I… Sometimes I don’t even know where they are. The last I hear from them, they’re in East City, then a few days later they show up at my door, broken.” The plate hit the countertop harder than Winry intended, and the teen jumped. “I’m so sorry,” she stammered.

“Winry, it’s okay. Why don’t we have a seat?” Riza suggested gently. This was obviously not a conversation to be held over washing dishes.

Letting out a breath, Winry nodded in agreement.

In that same moment, Riza caught Roy walking through with two empty glasses in his hands. He opened his mouth to talk, but stopped when he saw Riza’s urgent glare. Behind Winry’s back, Riza motioned for him to stop and leave. Mouth parted in surprise, he spun on his heel and left the two of them alone.

“You worry about them a lot, don’t you?” Riza prompted once they were settled at the dining table.

Winry nodded. “They’re my best friends,” she whispered. “I don’t want to lose them.”

Riza could more than sympathise with that.

“I don’t want to wake up one day and… find out they won’t be coming home.”

“I understand completely. I’m the same with Roy.” Riza eyed Winry carefully for a moment. “You love them, don’t you?”

Her face turned bright pink. “I - I - They’re my friends,” she stuttered.

Riza knew better. There was a deeper connection between the three of them. Perhaps it stemmed from what the brothers went through. Winry had revealed over dinner that she was an automail mechanic, and being Edward’s oldest friend it didn’t take Riza long to connect the dots. Winry had been the one to attach Edward’s automail. She’d seen him and Alphonse through their traumatic past and recovery.

“It’s never been easy,” Riza began, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. “Especially with Roy in the military. I won’t lie and say it has been a breeze, because I do worry every time he leaves for work. However, I trust him. Even though I can’t be with him to make sure he’s all right, I trust him to look out for himself and I know that he has a solid team behind him. So do Edward and Alphonse. Remember that.”

“I’ll try… but…”

“It’s easier said than done, I know that. Do you feel helpless every time you see them struggling?” Winry’s head lifted, expression perking up. “Do you want to help, but don’t know how?”

“Yes,” she breathed earnestly. She looked delighted to have found someone who understood her.

“You gave Edward the ability to walk again, Winry,” Riza stated, sitting back in her chair with a smile. “You’ve helped them so much already.”

“You’re right,” she mumbled to herself.

“Even if you feel helpless, you just being there will help them,” Riza continued. “They might not thank you. They might not even think to. However, they will appreciate it and one day, they’ll realise how big a help you were to them.”

“Is that what you do for the Colonel?”

“I’ll always be there for him when he needs me. You might need to give them some time, but they’ll come when they need you. You just need to tell them that.”

“Right,” Winry nodded, determination in her voice.

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies,” Roy announced quietly and sheepishly as he crept around the door. “Catalina is demanding more wine.” He shot Riza an apologetic look as he entered with the same two glasses. “And she’s right, Winry. I don’t know what I would do without her,” Roy grinned at his wife.

Riza snorted. “He can be so hopeless sometimes,” she whispered loudly to the teen. “It’s a wonder how he even gets by in life,” she winked.

Winry’s eyes widened considerably. Then she giggled. “I often think the same about Ed,” she admitted. “I’m glad he has Al beside him at least. That gives me some comfort.”

They laughed together then Roy took his leave. In passing he paused before Riza, pecking her cheek.

“Mia is asking for her Mama,” he announced. “She says she misses you.”

Winry let out an _aw_ as Riza chuckled. “We won’t be long.”

Roy pecked her cheek then left the room with two glasses of wine.

Riza opened her mouth to suggest joining the rest of them, but she paused. Winry was fidgeting in her chair and it looked like she had some more questions for Riza.

“Did you ever think about following him?” she asked suddenly.

“I did,” Riza revealed. “Once.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, of course,” Winry gushed as an afterthought.

“You want to know why I didn’t?”

Winry nodded.

“Roy works towards making the world a better place and protecting the two brothers. He’s got a good team I trust to keep him on track. However, there’s someone I have to protect too. I have Mia,” she replied, then a slow smile spread across Riza’s face. “And another one on the way too.” She cupped her stomach gently, unable to stop the smile from spreading.

“Are you pregnant?” Winry asked.

Riza nodded. “Roy and I have another one on the way.”

“Oh, congratulations!” Winry cried excitedly.

“Thank you, Winry.”

“Thank you for this talk, Mrs. Mustang,” Winry breathed. She let out a long breath and Riza saw her shoulders sagging in relief, like a weight had been lifted.

“Anytime Winry,” she smiled fondly. “And it’s Riza, please.”

“Okay, Riza.” Winry’s grin was bright.

“And I mean it. If you ever need anything or want to chat, just give me a call.”

“I will, thank you!”

“Even if it’s to complain about how dumb the men in our lives are,” Riza winked. She laughed as Winry’s face turned scarlet and she coughed, but she still thanked Riza with a shy smile on her face.


	17. like ships in the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> sorry.
> 
> song for this chapter: mat kearney – ships in the night

##  **1914**

** _like ships in the night_ **

** _you keep passing me by_ **

Riza knew there was something wrong when the clock hit six o’clock and Roy still wasn’t home from the office yet. Normally whenever he was late, he’d always phone home with an apology and the promise he’d pick up something on the way home for dinner, to save troubling herself with making dinner.

The clock struck six thirty and Riza phoned the office, too worried to wait any longer. There was no answer.

“Mummy, are you all right?” Mia was looking up at her worriedly, eyes wide and concerned. Hayate was sitting next to Mia, he too was looking up at her, head cocked in concern. Riza took a deep breath and pulled apart her hands, stopping them from wringing together in her lap.

“I’m all right, Honey,” she smiled, forcing it on her face. Hayate walked up and licked her hands, his tail wagging as he quietly whined. Riza scratched him behind the ears with a smile. “Have you finished your dinner,” she asked their five-year-old. Her birthday was a few weeks ago and Riza was still bewildered that her baby girl was five years old. That night she’d almost been in tears, but happy tears. She’d never have imagined that her life would turn out this way. She never dreamed she’d end up marrying the love of her life and have a child with him who was incredibly sweet, kind-hearted, and bright. She was truly lucky.

Mia nodded proudly as she kicked her legs happily in her chair. “Yep! All done.”

“Okay. Time to clean up!” Maybe tearing her attention away from the clock would ease her anxiety. Everything was fine. Roy would walk through that door apologetic and all smiles and love for them both.

Eight o’clock came, and he didn’t.

“Hello?” Chris Mustang answered.

“Chris, it’s me,” Riza greeted quietly, swallowing as she geared herself up for asking this question. There was silence on the other end of the line, and Riza tried not to take that to heart. She ploughed on ahead, drawing on strength from inside of her to continue as she gripped the phone tightly in her grasp. “I… I’ve not heard from Roy and he’s not come home tonight. Do you know where he is?” Her voice cracked on the last word.

Still, there was silence.

“Chris?” she asked, voice desperate.

“Riza, can you sit down for me?”

Her blood ran cold. Dread crawled up her spine painfully, her stomach dropping to the floor. Her mouth fell open, expecting the worst.

_He’s dead_.

_No, no, no, no, no, no –_

“Riza? Roy’s all right. I promise. I’ve got him here at the bar.”

All her breath left her in a rush. Her body shook from the relief. Her knees wobbled and she almost fell to the floor.

“Why –?”

“He just arrived,” Chris reassured her. Someone spoke on the other end of the line, but Christmas shushed them. “It’s… Something has happened Riza. Can you sit down.”

“I’m down…” she whispered in a daze. In all fairness, she’d slid down the wall that was holding her up. Her legs had given out, unable to hold her weight. All thought of keeping quiet for Mia’s sake went out the window. Not that Riza could speak any louder than a whisper at this point anyway, but Mia had just gone to bed, and once she was asleep Riza had dived for the phone and called the one person who would probably know where her husband was.

She wanted to talk to him. What had happened? Why had he gone there and not come home? What bad thing had happened?!

“Riza? Shit, there’s not an easy way to say this. Maes Hughes died tonight.”

_What?_ Riza blinked. No. That was ridiculous. No, he wasn’t dead. The grinning man who always managed to lift her mood effortlessly? The loving father who bragged about his kid on a daily basis, reciting the same adorable story over and over again? He was dead? No. She refused to believe it.

“Riza? Riza!” Chris was calling to her, a hint of worry in her tone.

No, this reality must be real, because she’d never heard that tone with Chris before.

He’s dead…

“I’m here,” she whispered. A tear tracked down her cheek silently.

“Are you all right?”

_Roy_. Riza shook her head, too stunned to remember Chris couldn’t see her. When Chris prompted her again, Riza answered. “Uh,” she swallowed. “Yes.” Her voice was hoarse. It sounded foreign to her own ears.

“Shit,” Chris sighed. It sounded like her breath caught in her throat.

“Where’s Roy?”

Chris was quiet for a moment. “He came here for information about Maes’ killer.” 

Riza swallowed the vomit that had climbed up her throat unwillingly. Someone had killed him… He’d been murdered…

_Oh god. Gracia and Elicia._

“Can… Can I talk to him?”

There was no reply. It had been quiet for so long, she was about to prompt Chris when Roy answered.

“Hello.”

Her heart constricted. Riza subconsciously lifted a hand to rest there, gripping her shirt tightly as if that would ease some of her pain. He sounded so defeated, so broken.

“Roy? Are you all right?”

It was a stupid question. Riza wanted to ask so much more, but the words wouldn’t come out. Not in her current emotional state.

“Not really, I…” He struggled, trying to form an answer. His voice was gravelly and he cleared his throat a few times. He’d been crying. Riza was sure of it. “I won’t be home tonight.”

“Okay,” Riza nodded.

“I don’t know when…”

“Take all the time you need, Roy. I’ll be here.”

There was more silence.

“Roy?” Riza prompted.

“Uh, thanks. Yeah… Sorry,” he finally finished. That one word held so much sorrow in it, Riza was taken back. She sat up straighter on the floor.

“Roy?” she called to him gently. “Get some rest, okay? Stay with your mother tonight. There’s no point travelling if you’re not up to it. We’ll be fine, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Call me if you need anything, all right?” she stressed, hoping to get through to him. “I love you.”

“Yeah… Love you too. Bye,” he replied.

The dial tone rang in her ears. Riza hung up the phone but returned to the floor. Her head fell back to rest on the wall behind her. Tears dripped down her cheeks as she mourned the best friend she’d lost.

She just hoped and prayed Roy would be all right. Chris would take care of him, she knew that. Riza was glad he was somewhere safe at least.

* * *

Riza tossed and turned all night. Sleep refused to claim her. Alternating between crying for the loss of a friend and staring blankly at the ceiling above her, Riza eventually gave up at six o’clock in the morning.

“Good morning, Mummy,” Mia greeted sleepily, but happily when Riza went into her daughter’s room. Her heart clenched in her chest. How would she explain to Mia that the man she adored was no longer a part of this world? Ever since she was little, Mia had adored Maes Hughes. Growing up he was the cool uncle who snuck her sweets and helped her play tricks on her father. They were thick as thieves. Tears threatened to rise to her eyes. She couldn’t do that to Mia. She couldn’t take that away from her.

_Except someone already has_.

“Good morning, Sweetie.” Riza crouched at Mia’s head and stroked her forehead with her thumb, pushing her unruly black hair away from her eyes. It was almost time for a haircut. That fringe was a nightmare, never sitting in the same place twice, just like her father’s hair. Unable to restrain herself, Riza leaned forward and hugged Mia tightly. Squeezing her eyes closed, Riza basked in the comfort the girl provided. The beaming smile Mia shot her when Riza pulled away gripped her heart painfully.

Roy still wasn’t home by the time they had finished breakfast, so it was a decision Riza had to make herself. She wouldn’t tell Mia this morning. Today was Friday. She’d explain to Mia what had happened to Maes when she came home from school tonight. Then, they’d have all weekend to discuss what happened and figure things out.

Riza swallowed the lump in her throat as Mia skipped past the school gates to greet her friends. She didn’t want to take that happiness away from her. She was far too young to learn about death.

Once home, Riza took a deep breath as she stood in front of the phone. She had to call Gracia. She didn’t know how to begin though. Should she just call and offer her condolences? Should she go over and see her? Had Gracia already had so many visitors, that she was sick of them? It was only nine thirty, but Riza didn’t know when it had happened yesterday.

Riza turned away from the phone and leaned heavily against the wall behind her. Pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes, she took two deep breaths and let them out slowly. Tears dripped out of her tightly wound fingers, down onto her shirt.

_Oh, Maes…_

Poor Gracia. Poor Elicia.

Through the night, she thought about what she would do in this situation. Could she really go on without Roy in her life? Riza doubted it. It had been awful when he left the first time to go to the academy. Her life had been filled with happiness and warmth, painted in brilliant colours. After he’d left, those colours had dulled to greys, and the cold weaved its way cruelly through her childhood home, chilling her bones.

She never wanted to go through that again.

Riza shrugged on her jacket. Her decision was made. Her hands were shaking when she knocked on Gracia’s apartment door. She heard movement, and Riza felt her heart thudding loudly in her chest.

“Hi,” Riza greeted lamely, but that was all she could come out with. Gracia’s tear stained face offered her a smile, as usual, then it fell and her face crumpled. To Riza’s surprise, her arms opened automatically and Gracia fell into them as she sobbed. Patting her head, Riza whispered how sorry she was to her old friend and held her in the doorway to her apartment.

* * *

The conversation with Mia was awful. Her eyes welled up with tears and they dropped down her cheeks, big drops hitting and staining her pale pink t-shirt.

“But why, Mummy? _Why_ is he gone?” she warbled more than once, and it broke Riza’s heart every time.

“I don’t know, Honey,” she’d whispered into her daughter’s hair, rocking her backwards and forwards in her grief. Mia was too young to learn about death. She was only five years old. Far too young.

Riza couldn't hide it from her though. How could she? If Mia asked when Uncle Maes was coming home and Gracia overheard it would upset her. It was better for Mia too in the long run if Riza explained as gently as she could that Uncle Maes was gone forever, and Mia would never see him again. 

The front door opened, much to their surprise. Riza jumped, lost in the moment with her daughter to pay too much attention to what was happening outside of their conversation.

_Roy_…

He walked in the house and shrugged off his jacket. It was hung on the peg by the door without a word. It was late. Almost nine o’clock at night. After visiting Gracia, Riza had phoned Chris again, and her mother-in-law had advised Riza that Roy had gone to work.

“_I’m worried about him, Riza_,” Chris confided in her. “_Watch out for him, okay?_”

“_What do you mean?_” Riza asked, dread coiling inside her stomach.

“_He’s not himself. Just keep an eye on him_.”

Then the line went dead. It was unfair how little information she’d been given, but that was Chris’ style. Need to know only, and apparently Riza was deemed unfit to know. That stung.

“Daddy?” Mia sniffed, calling to her father. Roy paused on the bottom step, his hand still on the banister, then continued up the stairs without a word. A door slammed and Mia jumped in Riza’s arms.

“Let’s give Daddy a little time to himself, okay Mia Bear?” Riza swallowed. “Remember, he’s upset too.”

Mia nodded in agreement but was unusually quiet for the rest of the night. She went down without a fight and barely said a word, only opting to speak after she’d been tucked in.

“Mummy?” she asked quietly.

“Yes, Mia?”

“Is Daddy really sad?” she whispered fearfully.

“He is, Honey. He’s very sad about Uncle Maes.”

Mia nodded and tears collected in her eyes again. “I don’t want him to be sad. I want him to be happy again.”

“I know,” Riza murmured. She stroked Mia’s cheek with her thumb. “But that can’t always happen. It’s okay for people to be sad when they need to be. This is one of those times because a very sad thing happened.”

“Okay,” Mia whispered.

“Sometimes Mummy and Daddy are allowed to be sad.”

“Would you be sad if I died?” Mia asked.

Riza almost fell off the bed. Pure terror gripped her entire being at the thought. No one was allowed to take her daughter away from her. _No one_.

“Mia,” Riza whispered, face pained as tears fell down her cheeks. “Of course, I would. We both would. We’d be extremely sad.”

“Sorry,” she warbled, her body beginning to shake. “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Mia sobbed.

Riza untucked her daughter and pulled her into a fierce hug. “Please,” she pleaded. “Don’t ask that question again,” Riza whispered.

“Okay, I won’t.” Riza squeezed her eyes shut at the thought of burying her –

Her breaths were becoming shorter and sharper.

“It’s okay, Mummy,” Mia whispered. Her voice was calmer now, her shaking subsiding. “I’ll make sure you’re never sad again.” Pulling away, Mia was looking up at Riza with a determined look. A smile made its way across her tear stained face. “I promise.”

Riza kissed her cheek, lingering for a moment longer. “Thank you, Mia. Now, get some sleep, okay?”

Mia nodded and crawled back into her bed. Her eyes drooped with the emotional exhaustion from the evening. Within a few minutes, she was asleep.

Riza stood and approached the door quietly, smiling at how adorable her daughter was. Then, her smile fell. Now she had to face Roy.

Riza knocked on the door to their bedroom quietly. Roy was in bed already and the room was in darkness. He appeared to be asleep. Creeping around the bed, she saw the dark bruises underneath his eyes and his ragged face, even in sleep. Her heart ached for him. Kneeling by his side, she smoothed out the frown on his forehead with her thumb. His face twitched at the initial contact, but never moved farther than that. Eventually, she managed to rid him of his frown.

“I’m so sorry, Roy,” she whispered brokenly, feeling a fresh set of tears threaten to overwhelm her. Taking a shaky breath, Riza kissed his cheek then stood, leaving the room to lock up the house and get ready for bed.

As soon as she was underneath the sheet, hands gripped her waist like a vice. Riza yelped as she was drawn back, her heart rate spiking at the unexpected contact. Roy kissed her fiercely… No. Desperately. His hands roamed over her body eagerly. _Desperately_. It elicited moans from her as he always did with his touch, but he needed to wait. She needed to speak to him first.

“Roy,” she whispered as his mouth moved to her neck. The only reply was a grunt. “Roy,” she stated more firmly this time, but the end was cut off by her own muffled moan. 

His lips and tongue were attacking her neck and underneath her ears while his hands found their way to her skin, underneath her pyjama top. Riza bit her lip. In the back of her mind she knew this wasn’t right. This wasn’t what he needed. They needed to talk. He was desperate, seeking only to feel and forget. Nothing more. This wasn’t the right path for him in his grief.

“Roy, stop!” she commanded. There was a moment when Riza didn’t think he’d listen to her, but he faltered, his hands smoothing over the skin of her stomach to fall to the bed by her hip. He was panting hard, his body beginning to shake.

Riza lifted her hands, placing them on his cheeks. They were wet. As soon as they made eye contact his face crumpled.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his body shaking even more violently.

Riza hushed him, and Roy dropped his head to the crook of her neck. His sobs were muffled by her skin and the bed. His arms wrapped around her torso tightly, his grip ironclad. Placing a hand on the back of his head, Riza held him in place as she cried too, cradling him close while whispering, telling him to let it all out.

* * *

“He was murdered,” Roy stated into the darkness of their bedroom. Riza tensed but said nothing. His tone was flat, emotionless. It was terrifying.

After he’d finished crying Roy rolled over onto his back and remained unmoving. He just stared ahead at the ceiling and didn’t say a word. However, he did pull Riza with him and held her tightly against his body. Her head lay on his chest, her ear right over his heart. The steady _thump_ eased her worries.

Licking her lips, Riza nervously considered her next words. “How are you doing?”

There was no answer for quite some time. She gave up waiting and snuggled back into his side in defeat. She would just be here for him if that’s what he needed.

“Numb,” he stated, his voice hoarse. Roy took in a shaky breath and let it out in a rush. Riza felt his body shudder underneath her. “Overall, I feel numb,” he repeated, his tone slow and careful.

“And individually?” she ventured.

“Furious. Heartbroken. Lost.” Another shaky breath was let out in a rush. “He was my best frie –” He couldn’t even finish the word.

Riza just hugged him tighter. “Why are you angry?”

She didn’t look up from staring at his abdomen, but Riza felt his head crane down to look at her.

“What do you mean, “_why_”?” he asked, his tone disbelieving, and with a hint of irritation in it. Riza tried not to let her cringe show. She didn’t want to mess this up.

“I’m just trying to understand. It’s healthy to talk about it.”

Roy was silent again. The only sound in the room was their breathing, but his head didn’t move from staring down at her. “I’m furious because someone killed my best friend,” he stated, tone cold. “Is that a good enough answer for you?”

Riza blanched. “I didn’t mean that, I meant –”

“I’m furious because all I can picture is little Elicia growing up without a father now. Now Gracia has to go on without her husband. It’s so _unfair_.” His tone was heated. The hand by his side clenched into a fist.

Riza understood that. She felt so much sorrow for that small family. They were perfect in every way, and now they’ve lost a part of it. It _was_ unfair, and Maes Hughes certainly didn’t deserve an end like that.

“When I find out who did it, I’m going to barbeque them from the inside out.”

Riza gagged quietly. His tone was hard and unforgiving. She’d never heard him speak like that before. It terrified her. What he was saying… It made Riza sick to think her husband was capable of that, but he probably was. He’d probably already done it in Ishval. Riza swallowed the sick that jumped up her throat at that thought. She jerked up from his body and placed a hand on her chest, willing her racing heart to calm down. The bile moved back down her throat and into her stomach, thankfully.

“Please don’t do that,” Riza whispered into the night.

“What?” His voice had a hint of coldness to it.

“Please don’t go and get revenge –”

The bed jostled roughly, Roy sitting up with a fire in his eyes. “You’re asking me to forget all about it?” he asked, voice low and dangerous.

Riza shook her head. She lowered the hand from her chest. “No. I’m asking you not to do anything drastic.”

Roy jumped up from his bed. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” he muttered under his breath. “From you! Of all people!” His voice was rising and Riza had half a mind to shush him in case he woke up Mia, but that would do more harm than good with him in this state.

Riza felt her irritation spike after he spoke. “I’m not allowed to ask my husband to not do something stupid that might get him court-martialled or killed?” she countered.

“I won’t drop this,” he growled. Riza stopped at the look in his eyes. He looked slightly crazed, but that might have been the grief. It was hard to tell in the dim light of the room. “I can’t believe you’re asking me to.”

“Stop putting words in my mouth,” Riza snapped back, but with less bite than was warranted. Arguing wouldn’t help here, but she wasn’t going to let him do that to her or talk to her like that. She would _never _ask Roy to give up or forget about Maes. Never in a million years. Riza just didn’t want her husband to die along with him. “I’m _asking_ you to be rational and not to go out for blind revenge. That will do more harm than good to everyone involved.”

“I can’t believe it,” Roy scoffed, a hint of a smirk on his face. But there was no love or laughter there. “I can’t abandon him, _or_ his family –” He wasn’t listening to her.

“For the last time, I’m not asking you to!” Riza exploded. “Roy, think _clearly_ about this. _Please_. For Mia’s sake. I don’t want her to grow up without a father too.”

“No, but you don’t care if Elicia does, do you?” His tone was as cold as the blood running in her veins. The air temperature in the room dropped considerably, and silence enveloped them both in a suffocating blanket.

“How dare you.” Tears filled her eyes, but Roy didn’t even falter. His gaze was hard as he stared at her, unforgiving. There was no getting through to him. He wasn’t listening to a word she said. “Get out,” she commanded, her tone flat.

Roy scoffed, shrugging on a t-shirt and hoodie. “I’m already gone,” he muttered. The bedroom door slammed loudly behind him, shattering her perfect world once and for all.

In the back of her mind she knew that wasn’t the best course of action given his current mental state, but Riza couldn’t even bear the sight of him. How _dare_ he accuse her of that? She loved Elicia just as much as he did and treated her goddaughter like she was already part of her family. Roy knew this, and yet, he was throwing wild accusations like that in her face? At a time like this? She wouldn’t stand for that.

Everyone dealt with grief differently. That was a fact. Riza had helped Roy through it before and was more than willing to help him again. They’d made a promise to work together as a team. They were useless apart, but together? Unstoppable.

This was not them working together. This was Roy pushing her away again like he did with Ishval, but in a much, much worse way. He was hurting her with his horrible words and was probably very aware of it.

Riza was hurt and her mind was running a mile a minute with so many different scenarios, that she never even noticed it was her own insecurities playing up again, rearing their ugly heads. Roy loved her, but he was hurting, and he had lashed out at her.

_He’s never done it to you before though._

He loved Riza. She knew that.

_Maybe he’s tired of you because you bring him so much guilt._

No. He loved her…

_You got him into that mess in Ishval by giving him the secrets to flame alchemy._

_His suffering is on **you**_ **.**

He…

Riza’s panic threatened to overwhelm her. Her breaths were short and sharp, loud and fearful. It felt like she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs. Her vision was greying around the edges the longer this went on, and she began to feel woozy. She needed out. She needed to get out of this house. The walls were closing in on her, threatening to crush her into tiny pieces. 

_Get out, get out, get out._

She couldn’t. _Mia._

Riza stood, frozen, in their bedroom alone. Roy was gone. She didn’t blame him. She _had_ brought him only pain and suffering. It was _she_ who’d led him to the knowledge of flame alchemy. _Riza _had unleashed it upon the world without a thought of how it would affect anyone. She just wanted to relieve herself of her own burden.

_Selfish_.

She burdened him so much. Every day he came home to a wife and a child. That must have filled him with so much guilt. He’d taken that right away from thousands of people. What right did he have to return to a happy home now? He was working to atone for his sins of the past, but he wouldn’t even have to if she’d just kept her mouth shut.

_Selfish. You burden him every day_.

Riza was gripping the bathroom sink with such force she thought the porcelain might crack. Her body was heaving with sobs as they fell down her cheeks and splattered into the sink, mixing with the droplets already there. She couldn’t get a handle on it. Her breathing was erratic. She still couldn’t get enough air. Her vision was tunnelling now.

_I’m losing him._

That hurt more than anything in the world.

Riza stood and looked at herself in the mirror. She swayed in place losing her balance. Catching herself, her body pitched to the left as her vision blurred. Now, she felt like she couldn’t breathe at all.

There was a loud clatter in the room as she fell to the floor, her head hitting the tile painfully hard.


	18. i need you more than i have known

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i said i was sorry...? welp.
> 
> song for this chapter: within temptation – mercy mirror

##  1914

** _so look in my mercy mirror _ **

** _i need you more than i have known_ **

** _so look in my mercy mirror _ **

** _'cause i'm not ready to let you go_ **

After storming out of his house Roy walked around the city for about an hour before he found himself at the office. He made his way straight there and changed into his military blues. His arms were jerked roughly inside his shirt and jacket. His trousers were yanked up his body, tightened with more force than was necessary from his belt. Roy angrily shoved his feet into his boots, tying them so tight he was sure he was cutting off the circulation to there and would lose all feeling in his feet soon. He didn’t care. He was too agitated.

She didn’t get it.  _ Nobody _ did. Everyone said the same thing. The pity, the forlorn looks, the sympathy in their eyes was driving him insane. He didn’t need it. He needed  _ action _ . He needed people looking for Hughes’ killers, not offering him their kind but meaningless words of sorrow.

Maes Hughes’ killer still walked free and Roy wouldn’t rest until they were brought to justice.

Roy flung himself into his desk chair. It almost fell back with the force. He threw himself into his work, going over and over in his mind the report of Hughes’ murder, looking for the tiniest details that would mean anything. After an hour of fruitless searching Roy stood without a word and stormed out the office again, but this time to the murder scene. He shoved the tape out of the way and strode inside, glaring heatedly at the guard who tried to stop him. The man lifted his hands fearfully and in surrender, backing up.

Roy was too angry to care.

His mind was on this case, and this case only. His brain power didn’t spare another thought for anything else. It was too bad he was too far gone to notice it was beginning to chip away at everything he’d built around him.

“You all right, boss?” a voice asked with concern.

Roy’s head jerked up as someone shook his shoulder. Havoc was looking at him with one eyebrow raised. Roy cleared his throat and looked around the room, realising it was suddenly light outside, not dark like it had been two minutes ago. He’d fallen asleep at his desk. Disorientated for a moment, he wondered why he’d woken up there.

Hughes.

_ Dead _ .

Roy swallowed thickly and rubbed at his aching neck. “Fine, Lieutenant,” he stated, clearing his throat again. “Just fine.” Hescoffed internally at how bad that lie sounded. 

Havoc eyed him carefully but didn’t comment further. Roy appreciated it. Havoc was never one to hover, and that was what Roy needed right now. He needed purpose, action, direction…

Roy yawned loudly, uncaring at who saw him. It was only Havoc in the room anyway. He felt so tired. The feeling had dug itself into his bones, taking refuge and overwhelming him with the urge to return home and sleep –

Home.

_ Riza _ .

Guilt flooded him as he picked up Hughes’ casefile and read. He’d been such an ass to her. He’d been worse than that, actually. He’d been cruel. Roy had thrown baseless accusations in her face, lashing out unfairly. She didn’t deserve that. She’d only been trying to help. Roy groaned, feeling the urge to cry creeping up on him.

What had he done?

Roy lunged for the phone on his desk and dialled home. There was no answer. It just kept ringing and ringing, the noise bashing off his skull like a drill.

She was probably out with Mia. Not that Riza would want to talk to him anyway, Roy reasoned. He felt dirty. What he’d done was weighing heavier and heavier upon him, that by the time lunch arrived, he bolted out of the office with a mumbled excuse for going out for the hour.

He needed to go home. Riza had no work on the weekend and obviously, Mia was off school.

The thought of his daughter drew Roy up short. Did she know what had happened? Had Riza told her? Anxious energy fluttered around inside his stomach at the thought of Riza having that conversation with Mia herself. He should have been there for support. Instead, he’d been on the warpath the whole day yesterday, barking orders for  _ anyone _ to find out what had happened to his old friend.

How did Mia react? Was she okay? She was far too young to deal with this.

He should have been there.

_ You should have been there to save Hughes, too _ .

Roy scowled and with a low growl, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and strode towards his car. He was too busy battling with his inner monologue – and losing – to pay attention to the fact that someone was shouting his name.

“Roy!” Vanessa called out to him frantically. “I’ve been looking all over for you,” she cried. Her tone was desperate, almost verging on the edge of tears.

“Vanessa?” he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion. Why would she be acting like this? Did something happen? Was she all right? Was Christmas?

His sister caught his bicep in a death grip, struggling to catch her breath.

“What?” Roy asked, resisting the urge to shake her. If she’d been running all over town looking for him then something bad must have happened.

But what was it?

“Vanessa,” he commanded. “What happened?”

“I’ve been calling all morning and I tried coming to your office, but they wouldn’t let me up –” She caught herself again, gasping for air.

“Vanessa,” he growled, glaring at her to shut up and  _ tell him what was wrong _ .

“It’s Riza.” Vanessa’s tear stained face looked up at him. “Roy, she’s in the hospital.”

* * *

Mia jumped at the sudden loud clatter. She was rudely roused from sleep earlier by a loud noise but was half asleep so didn’t fully register it. Mia thought it had been in her bad dream. But then there was a second set of loud noises, like someone breathing really loudly then a  _ thump _ . This time she was awake enough to be afraid. She automatically pulled her duvet right up to cover her mouth and nose. If she was covered, the intruder or the monster couldn’t get her, right?

Her heart was racing inside of her after the fright she’d gotten.

“Mummy?” she called out after a few minutes. She didn’t really call Mum that anymore, but Mia forgot because she was scared. The house was silent, so she reasoned there was no one in her room who was coming to get her. Mia tried calling out again, a little louder this time, but there was no reply. “Daddy?”

Mia crept out of her bedroom and wrung her hands together as she looked down the hall. The light was on, thankfully, but she didn’t hear any noises or see anyone.

Where were they?

Mia crept quietly into her parent’s bedroom. She’d done this many times, but this was the first time in the new house. She’d just jump into bed and crawl in between them. They would protect her and keep her safe from the monsters that were coming to get her thanks to her imagination.

She froze when she opened the door. There was no one in the bed.

Terror consumed her. If Mummy and Daddy weren’t here, then who would save her from the monsters? Mia bit her lip, trying  _ so _ hard not to cry.

“Mummy?” she whispered. “Daddy?” The second call was louder. Mia was so terrified she was past the point of caring that someone bad would overhear her and take her away.

Mia stood in the centre of her parents’ bedroom and began to cry. Loudly. She’d never felt so alone and scared before. She screamed for them so loudly her throat hurt. “Mummy! Daddy!” Her voice wailed throughout the house as she spun inside her parent’s bedroom, trying to find them. But still, there was no reply.

Her eyes popped open wide for a second as her breaths heaved inside her little body, and Mia noticed there was light coming from underneath their bathroom door. Mia ran over to it,  _ hoping _ to find one of them in there.

There was her mother.

Mum was lying on her side on the floor. Mia stood frozen, staring at her in shock. Her eyes were closed and it looked like she was sleeping, but Mia knew what was sleeping, and what wasn’t. Mummy wasn’t sleeping. She had a faint bruise on her forehead and there was a cut. Blood was oozing down her forehead and into her hair.

Mia saw a flash in her mind. It was an image of Mummy dying like Uncle Maes. Mummy had explained there would be a funeral for Uncle Maes. He’d be put in a special box and would be buried. That meant he would go underground, and a gravestone would mark his place on the grass. Mia saw it like a tomb from a cartoon she'd watched with Daddy. People being buried underground, terrified and alone, and left there. The thought made her sick. All she could see as she looked at her mother on the floor was Mummy being lowered into the ground in a special box too.

“Mummy!” she screamed, lunging over to her. Mia shook her shoulder roughly, but she got nothing.

_ No _ ! Mummy had to wake up. Mia wouldn’t let them put her in a box underneath the ground. She wouldn’t!

Wait… Daddy… Daddy would help Mummy. Where was he?

A memory from a few weeks ago suddenly came to her.

_ “If anything bad ever happens to you or Mummy, phone this number, okay?” Dad handed her a piece of paper. Mia held it ever so gently, afraid that the quickest movement would ruin it. “You’ll get through to me at work, and I’ll come right home and help. All right, Mia Bear?” _

_ “Yes Dad,” she replied. _

_ “How about we put it in here?” Dad asked. He picked up her favourite book and slipped it inside the cover. She was too old to have a bedtime story read to her now, but Mia still enjoyed that one. Putting it in there meant she’d remember where it was. _

_ “Good idea, Dad.” _

_ He grinned at her and kissed her forehead. “Get some sleep, Mia. I love you.” _

Mia yanked the book off her bookshelf. She fumbled it in her haste, and it dropped to the floor, the piece of paper fluttering to the floor. Grabbing it quickly, Mia sprinted to the phone and dialed the number. That meant going downstairs and leaving Mummy alone, but Mia grit her teeth and ran. On the third last step she tripped in her haste. Her tears had made it too hard to see and she landed at the bottom of the stairs in a sore heap. She cried out, a wail leaving her as her knee hit the floor painfully. Hauling herself to her feet, Mia limped over to the phone.

The shadows in the hallway by the front door were terrifying. It felt like there was a monster or a bad person waiting for Mia in the darkness, biding their time until she walked close enough that they could grab her. Resisting the urge to freeze in terror, Mia reached up high for the light switch, illuminating the room and banishing anyone, or anything, waiting to grab her from the darkness.

She had to get to the phone. She had to get help for Mummy.

The phone rang, and rang, and rang.

“Dad,” she whimpered as the tone dragged on, uncaring that the five-year-old was distraught on the other side. “Daddy,” she warbled. “Please pick up,” she begged. Her sobs grew louder. She didn’t know what to do. Daddy wasn’t here to help Mummy. Uncle Maes was gone. There was no one to help Mummy –

Grandma.

Mummy had told Mia that Grandma’s phone number was at the back of the address book on the table next to the phone. Fumbling and with shaking hands, Mia managed to find it. Her hands were trembling uncontrollably as she dialled it.

“Hello, Christmas’ Bar,” a ladies voice stated happily. Mia didn’t recognise it. “This is Vanessa speaking, how may I help you?”

“Grandma,” Mia gasped. Relief flooded through her entire body because she’d finally been able to get through to someone.

“Pardon?” the lady asked, sounding confused.

“I need my Grandma,” Mia sniffed. “I need her. My Mummy is hurt, and I can’t get through to my Daddy, and I don’t – I don’t – I –”

“ _ Mia _ ?” the lady – Vanessa? Was this Aunt Vanessa? Mia was too upset to remember. Vanessa sounded very shocked. “Mia, Sweetheart, is that you?”

“Yes,” she sniffed. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry out in happiness. That would do nothing, however, to get Mummy help. She’d watched her mother when it looked like she was worried. Mummy was always brave and worked out the situation first before she allowed herself to relax, so Mia tried to do just that. She’d tell Aunt Vanessa everything, then she could cry.

She just wanted a cuddle.

Mia wanted her Mummy to wake up and cuddle her. She wanted Daddy to appear and smile, telling her not to worry and that everything would be fine. They’d wrap their arms around Mia in a big bear hug. They would protect her.

But Daddy wasn’t here, and Mummy was lying, very hurt, upstairs in her bathroom.

“Where are you?”

“At home.”

“Where’s your father?”

“I don’t know,” Mia whispered.

That scared her. When he’d come home from work, he’d never even said hello. Mia had called out to him because she wanted to give him a cuddle to make him feel better. His hugs always made her feel that way, so she’d wanted to do the same for him. She still didn’t really understand what it meant for someone to die, but Mia was old enough to know that she would never see Uncle Maes again. That made her very sad, and probably made Daddy even sadder because they were best friends.

“I tried phoning the number he gave me for his work but there was no answer.”

“Where’s Riza?” Mia blinked.  _ Who was Riza? _ “Mummy, Sweetheart,” Aunt Vanessa asked again. “Where’s Mummy?”

“She’s… She’s –” Mia started to cry again, unable to stop herself this time. “She’s upstairs in her bathroom. She looks like she’s asleep, but I know she’s not, and she won’t wake up. There’s blood on her forehead too. I don’t know what to do.” The last statement was stuttered. She’d tried being brave like Mummy, but her bravery had run out. She was ready to wail into the phone, begging her Aunt to help her.

“Mia, Honey, listen to me.” Aunt Vanessa’s voice was warm… Just like a cuddle. It made Mia pause for a second and calm down enough to listen to her. “Grandma is already on the way, okay? She’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Mia nodded along, letting out a gasp of relief that someone was coming to help.

“It’s the bathroom in Mummy and Daddy’s bedroom isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Mia whispered.

“Okay. Now, you can go upstairs and wait beside Mummy if you want, or you can stay on the phone with me. I can wait here with you until Grandma arrives.”

“I want my Mummy,” Mia answered instantly. She hadn't wanted to leave her for this long, but Mia needed to get help. Now it was on the way, she wanted to sprint back upstairs and hold Mummy's hand tightly, never letting go.

“Okay, that’s fine. You’ve been  _ amazing _ Mia, okay? You did the right thing and we’re all so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. It made her feel a little bit better.

“Go and see your Mummy, okay Honey? Grandma will be there soon.”

“Thank you, Aunt Vanessa.”

Mia sprinted back upstairs and sat by her mother’s side until help arrived. Mummy’s hand felt colder than usual, but it was cold in the house tonight. Mia shivered as she sat on the stone tile, her chin on her knees with one arm wrapped around them. Her knee was still really sore but her body was shaking so much that she didn’t really notice it anymore. Her free hand was tightly in Mummy’s hand, gripping it so tightly her hands began to hurt.

The front door banged downstairs, making Mia jump.

“Mia?” Grandma barked. It was like the tone she used when Mia misbehaved. Her spine straightened automatically, her body turning cold in fear. “Mia?” This time, it sounded desperate, like Grandma was looking for her so badly.

“I’m here,” she called, her voice cracking.

Grandma appeared in the doorway and froze for just a second. Mia looked up at her, feeling her tears threatening to take over her again. Mia’s body began to shake again and this time it wasn’t from the cold.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Mia warbled. Grandma stepped into the room and hoisted Mia into her arms. It was such a surprise, Mia let go of her mother’s hand. “No!” she cried out in protest, reaching down for her mother.

“Mia, I need Aunt Roxy to take a look at your mother all right?” Aunt Roxy was crouched over Mummy and pressing her fingers against her neck and wrist. “We’ll let her do her job then you can hold her hand again, all right?”

Mia looked at Grandma. She was propped against her waist, so she was eye level with her grandmother for the first time in her life. She looked worried. And a little scared. Mia felt gooseflesh cover her whole body. If Grandma was worried, then it must be bad. Grandma was just as brave as Mummy. Nothing scared her.

“Okay,” Mia whispered, looking away. She didn’t want to look at how scared Grandma looked anymore.

* * *

_ Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. _

That word pounded in Roy’s head in time with his footsteps as he thundered down the corridors of the hospital. He was furious, but with no one other than himself.

_ You idiot. You weren’t  _ ** _there_ ** _ . _

Vanessa hadn’t told him much, just that Riza was in the hospital. Or rather, Roy didn’t give her a chance to. All his anger from the past two days left him like a toilet flushing, and terror overtook him like a tsunami wave. It crashed into him so hard that he stumbled and almost took Vanessa to the ground with him.

His mother’s glare was positively frigid as he entered Riza’s hospital room. Christmas was sitting by Riza’s bedside with a sleeping Mia in her arms.

_ Oh shit.  _ He never even thought about the fact Mia went through this too.  _ Idiot. Idiot.  _ ** _Idiot_ ** _ . _

“Sit,” Christmas barked, readjusting Mia in her arms.

Roy sank into the chair anyway, not hearing Christmas’ order. All he saw was the purple bruise on Riza’s forehead peeking over the top and bottom of the bandage on her head.

_ What happened? _

“What –” Roy whispered but was interrupted by the door opening. Not that he could get the words out anyway. They lodged themselves inside his throat, making talking and breathing difficult.

A doctor walked in with a clipboard tucked underneath his arm. His salt and pepper hair was slicked back off his face, the colour matching the state of his beard. The man spoke but Roy wasn’t even listening. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from Riza’s face. He’d caused this. Whatever had happened was a result of him lashing out in his grief. Dread was a lead weight in his stomach and Roy felt like he might vomit.

“Mrs. Mustang will be all right,” the doctor revealed. That was the only news that got through to Roy. He let out a sigh of relief. “She suffered from a minor concussion when she fell and hit her head.”

“How?” Roy asked. He almost grimaced at the sound of his voice. It was completely hollow.

The doctor glanced between him and Christmas. “I’ll be back soon,” he excused himself.

“She fell and hit her head,” Christmas explained, fixing him with a sharp stare. “The doctor was unsure initially how she passed out. Every test on the baby was normal.” Roy’s heart thudded in his chest. “So, it wasn’t because of that. You got any ideas?” she asked harshly.

Roy shook his head. “No.”  _ It was probably because of him. _ Then he’d  _ left _ .

“Vanessa,” Christmas called, motioning for the woman to come over to her with her head. She held out Mia as Roy watched, handing Vanessa the sleeping child. Roy’s chest burned already with guilt, but it hurt anew while witnessing the exchange. It should be him who was comforting Mia. Hell, they shouldn’t even  _ be _ in this mess. He’d been so focussed on Hughes that he’d neglected his family.

_ How could he accuse Riza of not caring about Hughes’ death?  _ Hughes was like a brother to him, and by extension, Riza too.  _ Bastard _ .

“Come with me,” Christmas commanded. Steeling himself for the verbal battering, Roy followed his mother, but not before casting one last glance behind him to look at Vanessa. She’d occupied the Madame’s chair and was holding a sleeping Mia close to her body. His sister nodded to him, signalling she was all right. Even still, her gaze was hard. Roy didn’t blame them both. He wanted to kick his own ass for being so stupid.

“What happened?” Christmas barked once they were in the stairwell and away from anyone overhearing.

Roy swallowed. “We got… We got into a fight.”

“What about?”

Roy didn’t want to tell her but there was no escape. Admitting it out loud would make him feel even worse, which he deserved, he supposed. Plus, there was no escaping his adoptive mother’s question. She would get it out of him one way or another.

“About Hughes.”

“What did you say to her?” Christmas’ voice was almost a growl. “Did you lash out?” 

Roy nodded.

She snorted. “Idiot.”

“I know,” Roy muttered. He fell back against the wall in defeat, letting it take his weight. “Will she be all right?”

“It was a panic attack, the doctor thinks. Mia described hearing loud breathing, followed by a thump.”

Roy froze. His head whipped up in fear. “Mia heard it?” he whispered.  _ Oh God, no. Not this. No, no, no. _

Christmas nodded. 

Roy felt his face pale and he looked down at the floor, his mind running a mile a minute as it recreated what Mia must have gone through, finding Riza having a panic attack.

“She did very well,” Christmas stated, her voice losing its bite when she talked about her granddaughter. “She phoned you first at the office but got no answer, then she phoned the bar. She handled herself very well.”

Roy was proud of Mia. She remembered what Roy had told her to do if anything bad ever happened at home.

But one fact still remained. “Yeah, but she shouldn’t have had to.”

“No, she shouldn’t.” Christmas’ tone was agreeable, the edge to it gone. “She reminded me a lot of her mother.” There was a painful pang in his chest. “Go in and get her. Vanessa and I will give you all the time you need.”

Roy nodded, numb. He straightened from slouching against the wall.

“Just remember one thing, Roy,” she added. Glancing up, he saw that edge back in her expression. “She  _ will _ blame herself for this, the way you acted and what happened as a result of it. I know Riza, and she will. Don’t let her. It will destroy her, and you both in the long run. Make good on that promise and look out for her instead of blaming her for not understanding what you’re going through.”

“I didn’t –”

“You lost a friend,” Christmas interrupted. “And I’m so very sorry about that Roy Boy,” she continued, her voice even turned soft. “I’m sorry for your loss and the pain it has caused you. But Riza  _ does _ understand, so don’t think she doesn’t. She’s lost almost every family member she’s ever had, and it happened when she was only a child.” 

Roy felt realisation settle uncomfortably in his stomach. Christmas was right.

“Then, she lost you for a while after finding out she was pregnant.”

His stomach twisted painfully. Guilt ground up that feeling of realisation so hard it felt like he couldn't breathe properly.

“Don’t think for a minute she doesn’t understand loss or what you’re going through. She’s the most qualified out of  _ all _ of us when dealing with loss.”

“I know,” Roy swallowed, because now he  _ did _ know. He’d been selfish. He’d been unfair. He’d been  _ cruel _ .

“Don’t let her lose you too. Because that  _ will  _ break you both.”

Without another word, Christmas walked away.

* * *

Riza awoke to a pounding headache. She was completely disorientated, unable to remember where she was or why her head hurt so badly. Lifting her head, Riza noticed she was in a bed – a hospital bed. The white sheet felt scratchy on her arms and crinkled like paper as she moved. Shifting into a sitting position, the first thing she noticed was it was daylight outside. Her body flushed with dread. The last time she’d been awake was night. How long had she been out for…  _ Mia! _

Looking to her right spotted the reason for her panic. Mia was sleeping in her father’s arms, who was also out for the count and looking incredibly uncomfortable sleeping in an armchair by her bedside.

_ He’s probably only here because of Mia _ .

Riza shook her head then hissed in pain as the sharp movement made her head pound. Taking a deep breath, Riza barely managed to stave off the tears that threatened to fall because of her train of thought. No. Deal with the now. Why was she in the hospital? What had happened? Thinking back all she could remember was… Panicking. Then falling. Shit.

Roy stirred, his body jerking slightly when he awoke. Blearily, Roy glanced around him while placing a hand on Mia’s back to keep her from falling off the chair. His eyes eventually settled on Riza’s and he froze, mouth parted, for just a second. That second, however, appeared to stretch so much, elongating into what felt like forever. Riza couldn’t breathe. She felt like a deer caught in headlights. All that rattled around her head were his cruel words from the night before. Was it the night before? Or had she been out of it for so long? Fear blossomed over her skin when he sat up in a rush, jostling Mia so much she almost fell. Half asleep, her hands gripped onto Roy's shirt tightly as she whined in protest.

“Riza,” he breathed. His expression looked regretful, but she couldn’t shake what he’d said out of her head. What if it was an act? What if that was how he truly felt, but took so much pity on her after all she’d been through, that he was just playing house?

_ Stop it Riza! Roy loves you. He does. He does, he does, he does! _

“You’re all right.” His tone was one of wonder, blanketing her warmly. She wanted to give into it, to have him crawl in the bed right here next to her and hold her close.

Roy stood carefully and placed Mia on the small cot that looked slightly out of place in the small hospital room. Once relieved of his charge, Roy strode over to Riza with purpose. She almost flinched and recoiled. Gently, Roy placed his hand atop of hers, snaking his fingers in between hers so they were entwined tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. Their eyes met, but Riza was the first to glance away. Her grip on his hand loosened, which Roy noticed. His own grip loosened slowly as well. “Riza…”

She still wasn’t ready to look at him. He’d been so unfair. Granted, he’d lashed out in his grief, but words said in anger were generally true.

“I’m sorry too,” she murmured.  _ Sorry for not being good enough for you. _ “I should have been more understanding, and for that, I apologise –”

“You have  _ nothing _ to apologise for,” Roy interrupted vehemently, the grip returning to their joined hands. Riza’s hung limp inside of it. “And don’t you dare blame yourself for this.  _ I  _ was the ass.  _ I _ was the one who unfairly lashed out with lies. I was cruel to you,” he finished, his voice lowering to just above a whisper. Roy closed his eyes and Riza heard him take a deep breath. “I… I can’t believe I said those things to you. In my head I knew it was wrong, but I was so angry at the world. Taking it out on you was so,  _ so _ , wrong. I’m sorry.” His apology was whispered. His eyes were wide and earnest.

Riza almost wanted to fall into his arms there and then, but she held steady for a moment. She couldn't forget that he'd made Riza doubt their relationship and the bond they shared. They were supposed to work  _ together _ . That’s what they both agreed on. That night he was putting words in her mouth and twisting them for his own purpose – to hurt her.

“I understand if you want time,” he murmured, dropping his gaze and slipping his hand out of hers. “I’m… I’m not doing so well right now.”

Riza slowly turned to look at him. It was very rare he admitted anything like that to her. He kept it bottled up until it exploded – last night a prime example. Riza did too, she was not perfect either, however with Roy… His emotional stress always seemed so much worse than Riza’s. She hated to burden him with it when he had his own problems, and Riza supposed he probably felt the same way.

“I lashed out at you, and I’m so sorry about that,” Roy repeated. “I… I said…” He trailed off, closing his mouth with a snap. He took a deep breath and hung his head

“Roy?” she whispered.

Roy’s shoulders tensed, his head dipping to hang lower. His hands formed fists on the hospital mattress.

She spoke his name once more. Slowly, Roy lifted his head and looked so desolate it took Riza’s breath away. She grasped one of his hands in hers, unable to let him suffer alone in this. His head hung once more.

No one spoke. No one moved. Her own mind was whirring, unable to pick out one single thing to focus on. Watching Roy carefully, she saw how his gaze was on the bed beneath her, his hand gripping hers tightly. She could hear him thinking, but the room was filled with a deafening silence, save for Mia’s gentle snore.

“What are you thinking about?” he murmured into the silence, not looking up.

“I’m wondering how I ended up here,” Riza stated slowly, a shuddering sigh leaving her. “Did… Did you call…?”

Roy shook his head and Riza froze. “Mia did.”

Fear coursed through her veins. Glancing across at their daughter sleeping peacefully, Riza was petrified. She’d heard their argument. She’d found Riza… Vomit crawled up Riza's throat, threatening to spill forth.

“Oh God. She must have been terrified.”

“She called my office like I told her to, but…” Roy trailed off. He cleared his throat. “I wasn’t there.”

Riza’s eyes closed as a tear fell. Her body shuddered. Mia must have been terrified. She wanted to march over to that couch and wake her up just to give her a cuddle and say how sorry she was.

“Then she called Christmas," Roy added.

That was very quick thinking of their daughter, and Riza was proud of Mia for it, however she should never have had to do it in the first place. Riza should have been better at keeping her emotions in check. She shouldn’t have let it escalate that much.

_ I’m losing him. _ That was the last thing she remembered thinking before everything went black. She didn’t think that was the case anymore… But it could have been. That thought still terrified her to her core, increasing her heart rate even now.

“We need to be better,” Riza stated firmly, her voice still holding a hint of her fear. “For her.”

Roy nodded. Finally, his head lifted, and he met her gaze. “We do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you hate me forever... i have my reasons


	19. for i'm so scared of losing you and i don't know what i can do about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i've said happy times are coming, and they are, just bear with me as we work through this part of the story! i hope you enjoy it
> 
> song for this chapter: bear’s den – agape

##  **1914**

** _for i'm so scared of losing you_ **

** _and i don't know what i can do about it, about it_ **

“I’m so sorry, Roy.”

She felt him nod behind her back in their bed, his chin shifting the hair on the back of her head. Riza’s hands idly fiddled with the duvet covering them, too anxious about the upcoming conversation to do much else. After offering her condolences she lifted one hand to Roy’s that was by her head. He’d snaked his arm underneath her neck before they’d gotten comfortable, and it was Riza’s favourite thing to do. Gripping his hand so close to her face was an immense comfort that she always enjoyed.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “He was murdered because of what he knew, I think.”

“Knew about what?” Riza asked fearfully.

Roy was silent for a long moment. “I think he found out something big about the military. Something so big that he could tear them down with the news.” She heard him swallow and Riza gripped his hand tighter, squeezing it. Roy’s hand curled tightly over hers, gripping onto her like she was a life raft. “I don’t know what it was, but it must have been worth it for someone to kill him over it.”

Riza flinched at how blasé he was talking about all of this. However, she realised he was probably used to death after going off to war. The memory of his thousand-yard stare flashed in Riza’s mind and she remembered his nightmares, filled with death and destruction, and she shivered. It prompted her to hold onto him tighter. 

“I’m going to find out what it was,” Roy stated, his tone determined.

White hot fear flashed through her body. If he got killed over this secret too…

“Please don’t,” she whispered before she could even think. Then, Riza panicked. This is what had prompted their last argument. “I mean, please, just…” Riza floundered, trying to think of the right words but she had nothing. She didn’t want him to die. He had a wife and child waiting for him at home. He couldn’t be reckless and go off, getting himself killed like that.

A horrible thought occurred to Riza. Maes had a wife and daughter too, but he still went ahead with it, and people always said Maes was the more level-headed one out of him and Roy. She almost panicked when she thought of Roy leaving for work one day then coming home in a body bag.

It had always been a reality for her, but now that she’d lost a friend in the same way she feared she would her husband, that reality came crashing down on her. It buried her under its weight, leaving her struggling to breathe.

Roy was silent and Riza loosened the grip on his hand as she curled into a tight ball. She didn’t think he’d even noticed she was no longer holding his hand.

She didn’t want an argument like last time.

“I don’t want you to die,” she stated quietly. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled shakily. “The only reason I asked you not to pursue it the other night was because I don’t want to lose you.” Her body curled inwards again, her voice dropping to a whisper as she finally admitted her reasonings to him. “It’s selfish of me to ask this of you because I know how much Maes meant to you.”

In her mind, it was more than she meant to him. Maes got Roy through Ishval. Maes helped him rise through the ranks quickly. All Riza had done was rouse him from his nightmares and comforted him. She’d sacrificed so many hours of sleep to try and soothe him, but it always felt like it took hours to calm him down. She’d seen Maes place a hand on Roy’s shoulder when he was about to lose it. All Roy needed to do was close his eyes, count to ten, then he was off again, moving forwards and away from the memory of his past. Riza never had that touch. It was never that easy at night. She never once resented Maes for that fact. She was just glad someone could help Roy, but she’d never felt more useless in that moment.

“It’s not selfish,” Roy murmured. His hand was shifted out from underneath her neck. Riza bit her lip, mourning the loss of it, even though she’d initiated the break in contact. A hand was placed on her shoulder. The way his thumb was making circles in place was so gentle. “Get some rest,” he stated, ending the conversation. “You’re still recovering.”

_Go to sleep, Riza. This is nothing for you to worry about. You wouldn’t be able to help anyway._

Her mind was bitter tonight. It still felt like she burdened him every day, but in order to get her feelings sorted out, she _knew_ she needed to work through it herself. They’d get through Maes’ funeral, hopefully without another argument, then she’d take it from there.

“Okay,” Riza swallowed. She didn’t turn to kiss him goodnight like she always did. She shifted so her face was half buried in her pillow, wanting to hide herself from the world for the night.

She felt ashamed.

First, she’d collapsed after hyperventilating at the thought of Roy leaving her. _Pathetic_. Secondly, she’d traumatised her daughter by making her find her unconscious body in their bathroom, out cold and unable to wake up. _You’re a terrible mother to put your daughter through that. _And lastly, Roy was filled with such a rage towards Maes’ killer. She was supposed to calm him down and keep him on track of his goals. This wasn’t it, because she knew he’d be so furious he’d use his alchemy to exact his revenge. He couldn’t get revenge on someone like that. That wasn’t the Roy Mustang she knew and loved. If she was unable to talk him out of this, then she really was useless.

_He doesn’t need someone like you._

Expertly, she exited the bed without jostling it too much. Thankfully, Roy was asleep, something Riza hadn’t even noticed until she was out of bed. It normally took hours for Roy to fall asleep. Just how long had she been going over things inside of her own mind? She made her way to their bathroom, locking the door softly behind her.

Riza caught her reflection in the mirror. She looked awful. The bandage was off her head and there was an ugly purple bruise in its place, accompanied by a sizeable lump. Riza froze when her eyes settled on the floor through the mirror’s reflection. She’d been too ashamed to look at the image staring back at her which was a reminder of her failings, but glancing down… This is where she’d passed out. This is where Mia had found her… Unconscious.

Tears swelled in her eyes. They fell silently and her breathing made no more sound than a whisper. Gripping the porcelain tightly once again, Riza shut her eyes and squeezed them tightly shut. Her fingers were beginning to burn because of the pressure.

_Useless._

How could she have put Mia through something like that? After getting home from the hospital, Mia hadn’t been up nor down with either of them. She appeared as if everything was perfectly normal and Riza was just waiting for her to crack. She watched her daughter carefully and closely before she went to bed but there was no change in behaviour. Not that they’d had much time, it was dark by the time they got home, and they were all exhausted. The room had been spinning slightly for Riza, so she’d retired to bed early, like Mia. It wasn’t a ploy to escape from Roy for a while… Not at all…

How bad had things gotten, that she was actively trying to avoid her husband?

They needed to be better for Mia’s sake.

They _needed_ to.

Pulling herself up to her full height, Riza stared at herself in the mirror. A blank stare looked back at her, but slowly, resolve formed in her eyes. Determination made its way in there as well.

Riza needed to be better to _herself_.

She was _not_ useless. She tried her best and always had. She wanted her family to be happy and healthy. She would do everything in her power to ensure that happened. Riza Mustang was more than capable.

Her shoulders rolled back as she looked at herself in her reflection once more.

It would be hard. She was used to avoiding fights with her father when he lashed out and she’d fallen into that trap once again. But Roy was _not_ her father and she was no longer a child. She was an adult. She was Mia’s mother and Roy’s wife. He’d apologised for his actions and while it may take her a while to accept it, she _had_ to get through this. She deserved to get through it for _her_. Plus, she had the little one to think of. Riza placed a hand over her tiny bump and let out a deep breath. There were people counting on her. She had to deal with this and move forward.

_Keep moving forward._

She owed it to those who’d lost their lives thanks to flame alchemy – a power _she_ let loose in the world.

Get through Maes’ funeral in one piece, then she’d deal with her family worries. The military was quick and efficient when it came to a funeral, so Maes would be buried within days. She’d be able to hold it together until then.

* * *

Maes’ funeral was a long and hard day. Roy was at the front with the rest of the soldiers alongside Gracia and Elicia. Riza was a few rows back with Mia in her arms. Her head was on Riza’s shoulder, her thumb in her mouth as Riza swayed her gently. Mia’s tears were a constant but silent stream down her cheeks, and Riza let her ride it out. Riza could say nothing, offer nothing, because there _was_ nothing that would bring her Uncle Maes back.

“Mummy?” Riza heard Elicia ask from the front. She sounded so confused. “Why are they putting all that dirt on Daddy?”

Riza froze, her stomach twisting painfully.

“Elicia,” she heard Gracia whisper, then sob.

“No, stop it!” she cried out as Gracia lifted her daughter into her arms. “Stop putting dirt on Daddy! He has to go to work! Leave him alone!”

Riza took a deep breath as her tears began to fall silently too. She hated this for them. That little girl had lost her Daddy. That was so _unfair_. He was such a kind, good, and honest man. He hadn’t deserved this fate.

He’d died helping Roy towards this goal to take down the military. Riza had vomited twice at the thought of Roy suffering the same fate. Someone in a very high position of power was trying to stop Roy, and that petrified her. She couldn’t even eat. She had no appetite. When Roy prompted her about it, that morning, Riza reassured him she was fine and that she couldn’t eat in the mornings because of the pregnancy. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the whole truth either. Every time she brought it up, he faltered and was rendered mute, staring at her.

_Like he’d completely forgotten about it._

_Or, he no longer wanted it. _That second voice in her head was vicious and had become more prominent in recent days.

Riza left the kitchen table without another word, heading off to get Mia ready for the funeral. She needed action and movement to silent that voice.

Roy had been so focussed on helping Gracia through the funeral arrangements, and rightly so, that they’d barely seen each other. But a small voice inside her head whispered as she left the room that she didn’t want to see the beginning of her end.

“Mummy?” Mia asked quietly.

Small hands were pressed against Riza’s cheeks and she turned, finding Mia staring at her. Her daughter smiled, a small but sad smile, and then bunched her black cardigan up in her fists. Riza was rendered mute as Mia wiped at the moisture on her cheeks, her brow furrowing in her concentration as she tried to wipe away her mother’s tears. Then, without another word, Mia wrapped her arms around Riza’s neck. Her mother was left there, mute with surprise, and too shocked at her actions to move. Then, the tears built once more.

“I love you Mummy,” Mia whispered. Riza gripped her body tighter. She wouldn’t break. Not now. Not in front of her daughter. “I always will, okay?”

“I know, Mia Bear,” she whispered. “I love you too. So does your Daddy.” Riza’s voice cracked.

The soldiers filed out in formation, Roy included, but Gracia stayed in place, holding Elicia tight as the little girl cried loudly.

“Do you want to go and see Daddy, Mia?” Riza asked her, shifting Mia in her aching arms. Gracia needed to be comforted and Riza wanted to offer that to her.

To Riza’s surprise, Mia latched onto her neck tightly. “No.” Riza blinked at her. “I want to stay with you.”

“I think Daddy needs a hug –”

“So do you,” Mia replied quietly. “You’re sad too.”

“I’ll be fine, Mia –”

Her five-year-old shook her head. “I need you Mummy,” she admitted very quietly. “I want a cuddle.”

She paused for a second, just watching her daughter. “All right then,” Riza agreed. “You can stay here for now. Do you mind if we go and see Aunt Gracia and Elicia?” Mia shook her head. “All right, let’s go.”

Riza approached and swallowed thickly, listening to little Elicia sobbing. She placed Mia on the ground, her arms too tired to hold her, but Mia latched onto her hand and refused to let go. Riza was grateful for it.

Placing a hand on her old friend’s shoulder, Riza said nothing as Gracia hugged her daughter tightly.

“Auntie Riza?” Elicia asked, momentarily distracted. Her eyes were red and blotchy as she stared at Riza, wondering why she was suddenly there.

“Hey, Sweetie,” Riza greeted, offering her a smile.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, confused.

Gracia removed her face from Elicia’s shoulder. She opened her mouth to scold her daughter but Riza squeezed Gracia’s shoulder and gave her a small smile.

“It’s okay,” she reassured her grieving friend. “I’m here to say goodbye to your Daddy.”

“I don’t want him to go,” she mumbled, gearing up to cry again.

“I know, Sweetie. I know you don’t. None of us do,” Riza reassured her. “Come on, why don’t we go and see if we can clean up that snotty nose of yours?” she asked, “booping” Elicia on the nose. The young girl paused for a second then giggled. Riza smiled at her when she nodded. “Let’s give Mummy some time to say goodbye to Daddy –”

“But… I want to as well!” Elicia cried, looking terrified that she might not be able to. Her grip became iron tight on the front of her mother’s cardigan.

“You will, don’t worry,” Riza explained. “I’ll bring you _right_ back if you want. I promise. But let’s clean up that nose first, instead of wiping it on Mummy’s nice dress, shall we?”

Elicia looked at her mother, but Gracia wasn’t looking at her daughter. Her eyes were grateful towards Riza.

Opening up, Riza took the child into her already exhausted arms.

“Thank you,” Gracia sniffed, murmuring her thanks in Riza’s ear.

When Riza pulled away, Roy appeared as if from nowhere by Gracia’s side. Out of habit, as soon as she lay her eyes on him, she cast them away. It was something she’d done a hundred times before with her father, and Riza resented herself for it. She’d promised herself she’d be better. _Roy is not your father. Stop avoiding him._ It was a hard habit to break. She needed to sort her shit out. Glancing back at her husband she noted the pained look on his face…

Elicia first. She needed Riza right now, and so did Gracia. Removing her from her mother for the moment would give Gracia time to grieve properly and let everything out without the fear of upsetting Elicia further.

“But… If I go Mummy will be all alone.”

“Uncle Roy will look after her, don’t worry,” Riza smiled, “booping” her snotty nose again. “Ew,” Riza joked. “Bogeys!” she cried in horror, wiping her “dirty” hand on her dress, making Mia and Elicia laugh beside her. “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” 

“But…” Elicia bit her lip. “What if I get bogeys on your dress?” she asked.

“Oh, that’s okay,” Riza reassured her. “It’s already got Mia’s bogeys all over it.”

Elicia giggled and looked down at Mia. “You wiped bogeys on Auntie Riza’s dress?”

“I did,” Mia giggled at her admittance.

Riza sighed, playing along with the two girls. “See, now it doesn’t matter. I’ll be the Bogeyman before I know it, thanks to you two!”

With the two girls giggling, Riza left her husband and her old friend by Maes’ grave. Mia walked right by Riza’s side, trying to find new ways to make her upset friend laugh and cheer her up.

* * *

“You know,” Roy overheard Riza begin as she walked away with Elicia and Mia. “I grew up without a Daddy too.” Roy had opened his mouth to comfort his friend, but he paused after overhearing his wife.

“Really?” Elicia asked in wonder.

“Yep, really.”

“Granddad isn’t alive anymore,” Mia chipped in.

“Just like my Daddy?” Roy blanched and caught Gracia twitch out the corner of his eye.

“Yes, just like your Daddy,” Riza replied softly.

Roy watched her back, noticing how she didn’t even skip a beat with Elicia. He would have probably tripped with how casually she’d asked that question, but Riza breezed ahead, telling the child the truth, no matter how hard that might be.

_“Riza does understand, so don’t think she doesn’t,”_ Chris’ words echoed inside his head. _“She’s lost almost every family member she’s ever had, and it happened when she was only a child. Then, she lost you for a while after finding out she was pregnant. Don’t think for a minute she doesn’t understand loss or what you’re going through. She’s the most qualified out of all of us when dealing with loss.”_

She was so much stronger than he was with this, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t hurting. And Roy had thrown that in her face.

“But,” Mia chimed in. “It doesn’t mean they’re gone forever.”

Roy paused again, his head turning to watch his wife and child walk down the hill towards the cemetery gates. His car was parked at the front, but… Come to think of it, he had no idea how Riza had even gotten here today. Roy had left early as he was part of the military procession. He’d been so focussed on Maes’ funeral he hadn’t even considered how his wife was going to get to the cemetery.

He felt awful. _So_ awful. _“We need to be better,”_ Riza had said. _He _needed to be. He was neglecting them both. He knew this already, but it suddenly hit him like a tonne of bricks.

“Mummy says that as long as I remember someone who’s gone, they’re never _really_ gone from my life.”

“I like that,” Elicia whispered. “I like that a lot.”

It was the last part of the conversation that Roy heard because they were fading out, moving out of earshot.

When… When had Riza went through all of this with Mia? Come to think of it, he’d never told Mia. Never even _thought_ about bringing it up. If he had remembered, he would have held back and not said anything before checking with Riza first. It was a dark time for her, so it wasn’t his story to tell. It hadn’t even occurred to Roy.

Shit.

_Just get through today then make up for your mistakes._

“Hello, Roy,” Gracia greeted quietly. She attempted a smile, but it crumpled as his old friend pressed her hands against her face.

“Come here,” he urged, wrapping his arms around Gracia’s shoulders. The two held each other tightly, mourning the loss of the person they loved. He didn’t know how long it had been, but it was what he needed. Comforting Gracia brought him closer to the man he’d thought of as a brother, and of course, they’d both promised each other that if anything were to happen to them, they’d look after the other’s families without question. It was time for Roy to step up, but also not forget about his own family because he’d been doing that a lot recently in his grief. Riza was the one who’d been doing all the heavy lifting recently, and he was long overdue to carry his own weight in this family.

Laughter floated up to them both and at the same time they turned their heads towards it, seeing Elicia and Mia playing by a tree at the entrance to the cemetery. Riza was walking towards them up the hill, hands in her jacket pockets, and her eyes cast down. Roy’s chest tightened at the sight of her. He’d noticed she was avoiding his gaze whenever they spoke. She was putting those walls up again and he needed to fix it.

_“She will blame herself for this – the way you acted and what happened as a result of it. I know Riza, and she will. Don’t let her. It will destroy her, and you both, in the long run. Make good on that promise and look out for her, instead of blaming her for not understanding what you’re going through.”_

“I’m going to take the girl’s back to our house,” she stated, again, speaking directly to Gracia. “Mia has some new dolls that Elicia is very excited to see, if you wouldn’t mind? I think it might cheer her up a little.”

Gracia shook her head. “Not at all,” she whispered.

“Take all the time you need,” Riza offered with a kind smile.

“Riza –” Roy called to her as she turned away without another word.

“Mummy! Help!” Mia called from down the hill. Riza had stopped at his call, but continued hurriedly, as Mia ran up towards her. “Elicia is trying to catch me!” she added, a giggle leaving his daughter as Elicia’s little legs struggled to run up the hill.

Catching Mia in her arms, Riza hoisted her daughter into them, walking towards the cemetery gates with Elicia in tow. Once there, she put Mia down and walked with them both, arms swinging between them.

“What happened, Roy?” Gracia asked, looking up at him.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“Between you and Riza?”

“Nothing, we –”

Gracia shook her head. “I noticed the cut on her forehead. You two are distant with each other and she looks upset. What happened?”

“Nothing,” he dismissed. “Anyway, this isn’t why we’re here –”

“No, but Maes wouldn’t want this for you.”

“Want what?” he asked, letting his irritation show in his voice.

“For you two to suffer because of his death.” Gracia looked away from him, turning her attention to the mound of freshly packed dirt. “I’ve seen how you’ve reacted to his death. Roy, you need to calm down. Don’t do anything drastic.”

“I’m not going to,” he replied with more force than he should have. Why did everyone think that?

_Because they know you and have spoken to you in the last week. They’re not blind, and deep down, you know you will too, to get revenge_.

Gracia looked up at him sadly. “Maes wouldn’t want the same fate for you,” she replied. Taking a deep breath, Gracia let it all out in one go. “Don’t go out and get revenge,” she added firmly. “Focus on your family.”

“Gracia… I can’t just let this go,” he whispered, finally letting his emotions loose.

“I’m not asking you to, and she won’t either,” Gracia replied, jerking her head towards the gates. “She would never, but this is affecting you both. You need to talk it through with Riza.”

He’d tried…

In a flash in his mind, he remembered their conversation the night they’d returned from the hospital. He remembered the panic in Riza’s voice when she asked him not to follow through with it. She’d struggled to find the words quickly, obviously worried he’d explode at her again like he’d done before. He’d been irritated again, but didn’t want to argue with her, so blocked it out for a moment, counting to ten before letting himself concentrate on the conversation once more. When he’d calmed himself down, he noticed she’d turned her back to him, curled in on herself.

He’d caused that. He’d done that to her.

_“It’s selfish of me to ask this of you because I know how much Maes meant to you.”_ That didn’t sit well with him, but he’d been tired at the time and noticed how tired Riza was too. He’d dismissed their conversation, telling her to get some rest instead of pushing through with it further. He just didn’t want another argument.

But it hadn’t been selfish. It was a woman worrying about her husband, and rightly so. He’d been on the warpath and had set out in a fit of rage to find out more about what had happened to Maes. He could have ended up dead yesterday if he’d managed to progress in the case of his murder.

Riza was simply looking out for him, just like she’d promised she would. Her request was more than fair.

They were a mess. _He_ was a mess.

“We’ve already buried someone, Roy,” she whispered, breaking into Roy’s thoughts. her voice cracking. “Don’t make us do it again.”


	20. i'm in the ruins too i know the wreckage so well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song for this chapter: snow patrol – what if this is all the love you ever get?

##  **1914**

** _what if it hurts like hell, then it'll hurt like hell_ **

** _come on over, come on over here_ **

** _i'm in the ruins too, i know the wreckage so well_ **

After the gathering following Maes’ funeral Roy returned home feeling nervous. He needed to face the music of his marriage. He needed to make things right, and Roy had no idea where to start. It was ridiculous that he suddenly had no idea how to talk to his wife, but Roy supposed he’d brought this on himself.

Riza hadn’t been at the gathering. She’d taken both kids home to entertain them as best she could given the circumstances, and Roy appreciated that. Gracia did too. Mia wouldn’t have enjoyed an event like that, and Elicia would have enjoyed it even less. People were milling about in the hotel conference room Roy had hired out, telling stories about Maes Hughes and catching up with one another. It was wonderful to hear so many people talk about his best friend like that, but they shouldn’t have had to.

He shouldn’t have been killed.

Roy and Gracia stopped by his house to pick up Elicia and take them both home. Riza didn’t say much to him, but then again, she never really got the chance. Elicia ran straight to her mother for a hug as soon as the front door closed, then pressed her face into Gracia’s shoulder.

“It’s okay Mummy.” Elicia had spoken quietly, but everyone in the room could hear it. “Daddy might be gone, but he’ll never _really_ be gone from our lives,” she smiled. “Not so long as we love him and remember him.” Gracia almost broke down again.

“I know, Sweetie,” Gracia whispered.

“Auntie Riza told me,” Elicia smiled, turning to face her adoptive aunt, who shot her a small smile before going back to tidying up their living room after the girls had wreaked havoc on it. “We talked about it,” she added. “Did you know she lost her Mummy and her Daddy? If she can lose both a long time ago and still be okay today, then we will be too, right?”

Roy’s eyes tracked Riza as she left their living room and headed for the stairs, her eyes cast downwards.

“Let’s talk about this when we get home, okay Sweetie?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Roy offered.

Gracia shook her head and smiled tiredly at him. “Thank you so much for the offer, but I just want to get home.”

“Okay. I’ll take you now.”

“And Mummy,” Elicia added. “I know I’ll be sad for a long time, but Auntie Riza told me it will get a bit better in a while. Daddy wouldn’t want me to be sad forever, would he?”

“No, Elicia. He wants you to be the happiest little girl in the world.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “I’ll try.”

He needed to come home and talk to Riza as soon as possible.

Roy entered their home quietly and moved through to the living room. It was empty and had been tidied since he left. He crossed through to the kitchen but it was empty too. There were pots on the stove though. Peering inside both he saw his dinner sitting waiting for him. Riza had kept it hot too. Tears threatened to spring to his eyes. He didn’t deserve this woman. She was too good to him, even after all the shit he put her through.

He had work to do.

Roy poked his head into Mia’s bedroom and saw Riza lying in her bed, stroking Mia’s hair as she slept soundly. Riza was just watching her, a small smile on her face. Hayate was curled in between them both, asleep. It was a perfect picture and he wished he had a camera with him to capture it forever.

“Hey,” he greeted quietly. His stomach tightened when he noticed her smile fell from her face.

“Hello,” Riza whispered. It was barely audible. Roy had to strain to hear it. “Dinner is ready for you,” she added, not looking away from their daughter’s face.

“I know, I saw.” Stepping into the room, Roy closed the door behind him to block out the light from the hall. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” she replied, voice louder, as if his appreciation was ridiculous.

“No, but I do. You didn’t have to.”

Her hand paused on Mia’s head for the briefest second, then continued. Mia stirred in her sleep and curled into Riza, snuggling in close to the warmth and comfort her mother provided.

“No, I suppose I didn’t,” Riza replied. Her voice was subdued but held no emotion in it.

He needed to talk to her, but she had closed herself off. Her walls were up, and he wasn’t permitted inside of them. Roy didn’t blame Riza. After the way he’d acted and what had happened? He should be on his knees begging for forgiveness, and he wasn’t far off doing that right now. He’d give anything for her to look at him. Just a glance. Longer than the two seconds he’d gotten all day.

_You don’t deserve it._

“I’ll… go and get changed.” The collar of his shirt was beginning to choke him, cutting off his airways as emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He wanted to stride over there and envelope them both in his arms, but the damage had been done. Now he had to pay the price.

On the other hand, he had no idea how Riza was doing. He’d never asked, the bastard that he was. Again, too focussed on getting ready today and making sure everything was perfect in Hughes’ honour, and for Gracia and Elicia. He had no idea how she was handling it. No idea how _Mia_ was handling it. What had Riza said to her? How did she take it? She’d been upset, Roy knew that much, but he should have been there for her, for both of them.

He’d failed them.

The food was tasteless in his mouth, which was a tragedy because he knew Riza’s cooking was incredible. It always had been throughout the years. Even when he was sure she’d tried to kill him when he was a teenager with the healthier meals that included vegetables.

Roy froze, dropping his fork to the table. It clattered loudly but he barely heard it. A laugh had bubbled up inside of him at the memory, but it died and turned into ash in his mouth. His fist hit the table hard. It was clenched tight as he tried to shove back the tears.

He’d fucked up.

He was losing her.

Roy didn’t know what to do. His heart had always belonged to Riza, and always would, even if she did leave him. He could never give it away to someone else. However, it was tugging him towards finding Hughes’ killer. He owed his brother justice. _Maes wouldn’t want your marriage to suffer because of his death._

Roy _had_ to do something though. He… He…

He couldn’t let this go, but it would kill him if he lost his family.

Standing forcefully Roy almost knocked the chair over. He took the stairs two at a time, his feet light like a cat, but paused outside Mia’s room. Gathering himself, Roy opened the door, ready to make things right – 

Riza was sound asleep. She was hugging Mia against her tightly. Even in sleep she looked exhausted. The bruise on her forehead looked ferocious in the shadows of Mia’s night light. It looked like she had two black eyes as well. Had she even slept since she left the hospital?

He couldn’t bring himself to wake her up.

Roy retreated out the room to his own bedroom, pausing at the bottom of the bed. It didn’t look right without Riza already in it for him to snuggle up to and embrace tightly as he drifted off to sleep. His insomnia wouldn’t let up tonight either. He _always_ slept with Riza by his side. When she wasn’t there, he was lucky if he got three hours, at best. With her it was about six or seven. She comforted him, reminded him he was home and he was out of Ishval. He was safe and so was she, along with their child. Without her… Roy was lost.

He couldn’t enter their bed. Not now, and not like this. Instead, he sat on the couch in their living room all night in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling. He wished for sleep, but knew it never would never come.

* * *

Roy called into work the next morning and asked for the day off. They were understanding and approved of his absence on compassionate terms because of his bereavement. He needed it. He really did. Not only to grieve for Hughes healthily, but to start to help heal his family. Normally he’d be away by the time Riza and Mia came down the stairs this morning with Hayate in tow, but he had their breakfasts cooked and on the table as soon he heard them descending.

“Good morning,” he greeted.

Mia was in Riza’s arms. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, and Mia wriggled out of her mother’s arms. She stumbled slightly then ran across to Roy and flung her arms around his neck tightly.

“I love you Daddy,” she whispered in his ear. “I’m really sorry about Uncle Maes.”

“I’m sorry too, Sweetheart. I love you.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat and kissed her cheek. Pulling out of her hug, he saw a wide grin. “Breakfast is ready for you. Dig in,” he urged, gesturing towards the table.

Roy faltered and stared while he watched Mia wince, then limp two steps to the chair. She climbed in at the table and got settled, seemingly unaffected by whatever was making her limp.

“Come here, Mia,” Riza urged gently, gesturing for her to lift her leg up.

Mia did so with a slightly pained expression, pausing eating her breakfast.

Roy watched Riza wince then swallow thickly as she gently placed Mia’s leg in a comfortable position on a chair next to her. It was outstretched and then Riza approached their freezer, pulling out a bag of frozen peas, which she then placed atop Mia’s knee.

“Is that comfortable?” Riza asked her.

Roy watched Riza visibly swallow again, but she still waited patiently for Mia’s answer.

“Yes Mum,” she replied happily, munching happily on her food.

“Here,” Roy offered Riza, pushing over the other plate, but Riza shook her head and glanced at him. 

“I can’t,” she replied, looking away from him. “Morning sickness,” she added, gesturing towards her mouth.

Right. _Damn it._

“I’ll be right back,” she mumbled, almost bolting from the room. Roy stood to move after her, but Mia stopped him.

“Is Mummy okay?” she asked quietly. She was staring at her food, not eating it. Her fork was placed on the table slowly and carefully, eliminating any noise it would have made.

Roy opened his mouth but was stopped when he heard his wife vomiting in the downstairs bathroom.

Hayate whined and shifted restlessly.

“Stay here, Mia,” Roy told her distractedly, leaving the room in a hurry.

He opened the door and found Riza with her head over the toilet. Her body heaved as she retched and Roy lunged for her, sweeping her hair back and out the way while placing his hand on her back. He rubbed small circles on it, murmuring to her that she’d be all right.

Finally spent, Riza lifted her head and leaned heavily to one side. Eyes closed, Roy saw tears bunched in her eyelashes, ready to fall.

“Are you all right?” he asked fearfully.

Riza nodded. Her eyes opened and they were wet. “The smell of cooking gets to me sometimes,” she mumbled.

_Oh… Shit._

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Roy smoothed down her hair but froze when he noticed her flinch at his touch.

_I’m losing her._

“I’m used to it,” she mumbled tiredly.

Of course. He’d never witnessed this first-time round. His life was just one large mistake after another.

“Go,” she urged feebly. “I’m fine.”

“Not without you,” he vowed.

Riza’s eyes opened slowly, lazily, and met his. She stared at him, her eyes exhausted and full of sorrow. Roy was taken aback.

“Go,” she whispered, almost breaking into a sob. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“I’m your husband. It’s my job to help you when you’re like this.” Riza shook her head, gearing up to argue but Roy stopped her. “I’m not leaving you, Riza. I never will.”

He had before. Ishval. The night of their argument.

Never again.

“Just… Give me a few minutes,” she sighed.

“Daddy?” Mia called from the kitchen. She sounded scared.

“Go to her,” Riza urged. She sat up, shifting slowly so she leaned against the bath. Her forehead was pressed against the cool porcelain and she sighed in relief. “Please.”

Roy nodded. He placed a hand on Riza’s cheek and kissed the top of it. “I won’t be long.”

He entered the kitchen in a hurry, anxious to see what was scaring his daughter. “Yes, Mia Bear?”

“Is Mummy okay?” she asked worriedly. She was turned in her seat, desperately trying to see what was going on behind her, but her outstretched leg had only stopped her from going too far. Hayate was looking up at Roy too, as if he was eager for an answer as well.

“She’s fine, Mia. Just a bit of morning sickness.” Roy bent to scratch Hayate’s head to offer some reassurance to their pup, but Roy was still distracted, answering Mia’s questions.

“What’s that?” Mia asked, brow furrowing because of the unknown.

“It’s what happens sometimes when Mummies have babies. The baby can make them sick.”

Mia bit her lip. "Is she going to have to go to the hospital again?" 

Roy shook his head. "No, Sweetie. Not for this. Only when the baby is born." Mia nodded and turned back around, flinching as she jostled her leg. "What happened to your leg, Mia?"

She bit her lip again and didn't answer him right away. Great. He'd been so shitty these past few days, even his daughter didn't want to tell him the truth.

"She fell," Riza answered for their daughter. She still looked pale and sickly but was up on her feet and walking about. 

"When?" Roy asked, shooting Mia a concerned look.

"The night Mummy fell," Mia whispered.

There was a clatter in the sink. Roy watched as Riza’s shaking hands picked up what she'd dropped and continued to clean.

"I… I ran down the stairs to the phone and fell. I really hurt my knee."

Roy watched Riza move, dread settling deep inside his bones. Riza wasn't okay. Neither was Mia. The latter had hurt herself probably while trying to get help that night. The former was clearly struggling to hold it all in and was threatening to crack.

If Riza was angry, she’d blame him. But Riza wasn’t angry… Roy scrutinised the side of her face. She looked… empty inside. Her eyes had lost their spark. As soon as Roy noticed it, his stomach tightened uncomfortably. She blamed herself. Of _course,_ she would.

Roy swallowed.

"Silly bean.” Roy’s sympathetic smile was forced, but it was for Mia’s benefit. He leaned forward, ruffling his daughter’s hair. "Are you okay?"

Mia nodded, looking unsure. "It hurts to walk in the morning but I'm fine."

"Good," Roy stated. "I know something that might make your day better," he added.

Mia perked up a bit. "What?" 

"How about a day out to Grandma's? She wanted to take you to the park, to the new swings, if you want to go?"

Mia grinned. "Yes please!"

"Okay, finish your breakfast and I'll get your coat and shoes."

"Okay!"

An hour later his mother had whisked Mia and Hayate away for the day to give the two of them some privacy to work through their issues. Issues that _he'd _caused. Roy swallowed as he closed the front door after saying farewell to his mother and Mia. Then, another door closed inside the house. The downstairs bathroom. There was the sound of Riza heaving and Roy's heart ached for her. He tried the handle, expecting the door to be locked, but it wasn't. He stepped inside and rushed to his wife's side, soothing her like he'd done earlier.

"You're all right, Riza," he murmured after a short break in her vomiting. "Take your time."

"I hate this," she groaned, rolling her head so it was out of the toilet bowl. Roy's stomach tightened painfully. Did she hate the pregnancy because of him, or the morning sickness?

"I'm sorry, Love," he whispered. "I wish I could do more for you."

She was quiet for so long that Roy didn't think she was ever going to reply. "I know," she whispered. She glanced up and held his gaze for the first time in what felt like an age. She didn't quickly look away, either too ashamed or disgusted to look at him.

Silence fell for a while as Riza tried to calm herself down. Roy remained by her side, trying his best to soothe her. However her bout of sickness appeared to be over for the moment. All throughout their wait, Roy's hand remained on her back and rubbed small circles upon it. It was the only comfort he could offer while she was emptying her stomach, so that's what he would give. 

“Are you okay to stand?” he asked quietly. Roy offered her his hand.

Riza looked at it for what felt like an age. She gripped it tightly though and accepted his help to rise to her feet.

"We need to talk," Riza murmured. She swallowed and Roy thought she was about to be sick again, but instead she just looked at him expectantly.

"We do." His voice was quiet as he replied.

Roy helped guide her to stand. Riza was shaky once she got to her feet, the ordeal having sapped her energy. Roy grasped her elbow gently to steer but held her hand in his as she led them both to the couch in their living room. She didn't remove her hand from his, so he counted that as a small victory.

"Would you like anything to drink?" he asked after getting her settled. "Water? Tea?"

"Tea would be lovely, thank you," she replied after a moment's hesitation. Her tone was exhausted, matching her expression.

Roy nodded and gave Riza a moment to compose herself and relax. He closed the living room door as he exited, trying to block out the smell of breakfast. He returned to find Riza lying back against the cushions with her eyes closed.

"Thank you," she murmured as she took the mug from his hands. Roy noticed that her hands still shook, but not as much as they had ten minutes ago.

He joined her on the couch, putting distance between them in case Riza wanted it. It killed him inside to do it. _Where had it all gone so wrong for them?_

He knew where. When he’d been an asshole to her and offered no support whatsoever throughout their married life. He took and took and _took_ without another thought about her.

He was a bad husband and a bad father.

“I’m sorry.” Roy swallowed thickly. He’d leaned forward so his elbows were resting on his knees, staring straight ahead. Riza was still next to him, but her eyes were also ahead, focussed on nothing as she listened. “I… I understand if you can’t bear the sight of me right now, God knows I wouldn’t be able to if I were you, but can I… Can I get through this? Please?” he begged, meeting her gaze.

Riza was silent but nodded slowly. Letting loose a breath, Roy nodded and began his explanation.

“I’ve been awful to you recently, and words won’t be enough, I realise that, but I just need you to know how sorry I am.” When he lifted his eyes to meet her sad ones, tears were threatening to fall down his cheeks. “I didn’t mean what I said the night I came home. I _truly_ didn’t,” he stressed. Roy hung his head in defeat. “I hated myself for that. Still do. I know you’d never do something like that. And for me to say that about you and Elicia?” Roy swallowed thickly, passing by the lump in his throat. “I saw you at the funeral with her. You were _amazing_ at calming her down. And with Mia…” Roy took a deep breath. “I left you alone to deal with all of that. All I seem to do to you is leave you alone.” He huffed a laugh but didn’t find anything funny. “I don’t deserve you, Riza. Never have, over the past few years, so I don’t blame you if you –” Roy swallowed, one word freezing in his throat. “If you no longer want to see me,” he managed to finish. “I’ve been awful, and you’ve never deserved that treatment, so I don’t blame you if you want a divorce,” he whispered. “I won’t stop it.”

“I never want that,” she whispered immediately, finally breaking her silence.

“You should,” Roy urged, running his hands through his hair. “I’m a monster.”

Riza sat forward and lowered her cup to the table on her side of the couch. Her hands shook, still fatigued from her morning sickness. Instead of moving towards him, she clasped her hands over her tiny baby bump.

Baby… They were having another child. It always blew him away. A _second_ child. Roy was over the moon. It was hard to accept sometimes, after what he’d done to families in Ishval, but it was happening and there was nothing he could, or would, do to stop it. Being with Riza helped. When he was with her, she soothed every worry he’d ever had and calmed him right down. He forgot about how much of a monster he was, and he was grateful for the reprieve. Her touch settled his nerves, her steady and unwavering presence was his rock. Riza kept him grounded and stopped him from spiralling out of control.

_Too bad you never tell her that enough_.

_Too bad you’ve already lost her for being a shitty person_.

“I… Like I said, I won’t stop you. I’ve done nothing but hurt you –”

“Roy.” Riza’s interruption was tired, but there was still an edge to it. Slowly glancing towards her, he saw how tired she looked. “I already told you I don’t want that, so _stop_ trying to push me away. _That’s_ the issue,” she added, her voice gaining strength. “You won’t let me in to help. You always try to shoulder it yourself to protect me.” Roy swallowed when he saw her roll her eyes slightly. “But this is _not _one-sided. We’re supposed to be a _team_,” she stressed. Sitting back, she looked defeated. “How can we be a team when you refuse to let me in?”

“I know,” he whispered. Roy wiped his eyes, ignoring the fire burning inside his heart. It _hurt_.

“I could never separate you from the kids either.” Her fingers tightened their grip on her swollen stomach. “You’re so good to Mia.”

“Just not to you,” he stated sadly, his smile never quite making it onto his face.

There was silence for a short time, and Roy didn’t know how to take it. Fear for the unknown coiled inside his stomach, waiting for her to continue. He almost opened his mouth to say something, say _anything_, but in the past, that had done more harm than good, so he opted against it.

Riza slowly and hesitantly shifted in her spot. Roy stared grimly straight ahead but jumped in fright when he felt the couch dip right next to him. Riza’s thigh was pressed against his and her arm looped underneath his, her hand rising to grip his bicep.

“You’ve always been good to me –” Roy shook his head, which prompted her to give his bicep a squeeze. “Let me finish,” she admonished sharply. “You’ve been amazing to me over the years. In that old house you brought colour back into my life, and that returned happiness and love to it. _You_ did that,” she added in an emotionally charged whisper. Her shoulder bumped his fondly. “I’ll never forget that. But I won’t lie and say you didn’t hurt me,” she whispered, her voice turning solemn. “A part of me _told_ me that you didn’t mean it, you were just angry –”

“It was _never_ at you. I was so… _angry_ at what had happened to –” Roy swallowed. “He was my brother,” he whispered. “And they took him away from me.” His jaw locked in place.

“I know,” Riza replied. “But another part of me… Because of my upbringing I thought it was my fault,” she admitted.

“_Never_,” Roy almost growled. His vow was vehement. It would _never_ be her fault.

Riza offered him a sad smile and Roy’s stomach tightened even more, wringing the knot already in there. “Well, you know what it was like growing up under him. My mind is cruel because of it.”

“Tell me, please,” he begged, eyes wide and earnest.

She struggled for a moment. “Roy –”

“There will be no judgement, no anger,” he promised, shaking his head. “I just need to _know_.” A tear dropped down his cheek. “Riza, please,” he pleaded. “I need to know the consequences of what I’ve done. Please…”

She stared at him for a long time. His breathing hitched and he closed his eyes, thinking she’d never give in. Roy knew it was incredibly difficult for her to share how she was feeling. It always had been. Her father had shouted at her when she showed anything except blank obedience. No wonder she had so many issues with sharing and dealing with her emotions.

“I thought that was it,” she whispered. The grip on his bicep slackened as did his jaw. 

_Oh God, what had he done?_

Riza’s eyes were down as she explained her feelings. For once in his life, Roy shut up and listened to her. He showed her the attention she deserved. “I was so scared, because…”

She was silent for a moment.

“It’s all right,” Roy whispered. He’d whipped around quickly, so now he was kneeling in front of his wife, clasping her hands in his. He looked as if he was on his knees, begging, and he was. “Take all the time you need.”

“I…” Riza sighed, her face turning into a frown. “I want to get it out I’m just…”

“What, Love?”

She twitched at the use of the pet name he’d always used for her. She’d once told him that it made her feel so loved and cherished. She’d been drunk and had giggled after it, kissing him passionately on the lips. After that revelation, he’d vowed he’d call her it every day if it made her feel that way.

“I’m scared.”

Roy swallowed past that pesky lump again and nodded. “I get that,” he whispered. “Do… Do you want me to go –?”

Riza gripped his hands tightly. “No,” she replied quickly and fearfully. “Please.”

Roy nodded. “Okay, I won’t.” On impulse, he rose from his knees and kissed her forehead. She’d either accept it or push him away, but he couldn’t help himself, not after seeing her like this. “I’ll never leave you again, Riza, unless you wish it.”

“I never want you to go,” she whispered. “I… I need _you_.”

“But I upset you.”

“You did.” Her claim was unapologetic, and Roy didn’t blame her. “Just…” Riza sighed, collecting herself. “I’m scared to voice it out loud because it’s my biggest fear. Speaking it out loud makes it much more frightening.”

Roy nodded. “I understand,” he whispered.

“Can… Can you just hold me?” That threw him. “I… I’ve missed you,” she whispered, her tone thick with emotion.

“Of course. Whatever you need, Riza,” he vowed.

Roy moved himself back to the couch and Riza curled into his side without hesitation. He’d sit there all day with her if it meant he could help her and make up for what he’d said. He meant what he said, when he told her he’d never leave her again unless she wished it. If he was banished by the end of this, then he’d accept it. It would be what he deserved.

“I need you,” she repeated, her fingers clutching at his shirt.


	21. just because it's pouring down, doesn't mean we're gonna drown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i said happier times were coming? well they're on their way now! 
> 
> song for this chapter: mat kearney – let it rain

## 1914

** _just because it's pouring down,_ **

** _doesn't mean we're gonna drown_ **

Roy was gently rocking her in place as they sat, his touch and comfort soothing her instantly. It helped her think more clearly in the emotionally charged room. He’d hugged her against his chest and Riza cuddled into his torso completely. Her feet were up on the couch, and she was lying against him. Her tea was long forgotten, but at least she’d stopped feeling so shaky. Morning sickness was a _bitch_.

She’d finally given into him, her need for his comfort. She was tired of fighting and hiding from her husband. They’d finally met on a middle ground after Maes’ death. It might be no man’s land, it might finally be peace, that was yet to be seen. Today’s conversation would decide their fate.

“Even though it terrifies me,” Riza began, breaking the silence that had blanketed over them. “I think… If I share it all now, we can finally air everything out. It was an extremely difficult time for us both and I think we need to discuss it, rather than shoulder it alone like I’ve been doing.” Riza shifted, moving herself closer to him. “I’ve done that since our first argument. I told myself just to get through Maes’ funeral in one piece, then I could deal with it all, but I’m exhausted.”

She was so tired. She’d spent her whole life hiding how she really felt and putting others before herself but now, pregnant and exhausted from her morning sickness, she was tired of it all.

“These past few days… I felt like I’d lost you.” Riza gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly in her fist. “I was…” Riza sighed. “I was upset about Maes. I know how much he meant to you and how close you both were, so I can’t imagine how you must feel about it all, but I was hurting too.” She heard his breathing hitch. “I couldn’t stop thinking about Gracia and Elicia being left alone. I got Mia to school then went right over to see her…” Riza swallowed back the tears, remembering Gracia sobbing uncontrollably as Riza held her, letting her ride it out. “It was horrible. I was there for hours.”

Roy was silent as she let it all out and Riza was grateful. His hands had stopped rubbing up and down her arms in comfort. They remained still as her explanation washed over him.

“And...” Riza sniffed and willed the tears not to fall. “I had to tell Mia what had happened.” Riza swallowed past the lump in her throat. “She couldn’t understand it. She didn’t know what I meant by she’d never be able to see her Uncle Maes again,” Riza’s voice shook. “She asked if you were really sad the night you came home,” she sniffed, “and then asked if we’d be sad if she died.”

The silence was deafening in the room. Riza squeezed her eyes shut at the thought of losing Mia. She’d _never_ wanted to bring that up again. She couldn’t lose her baby girl. Riza would die inside if she did. It would kill her to lose _any_ part of her family.

Roy stood abruptly. Riza was so startled she fell sideways on the couch, needing to push herself up to a seated position to see where he’d gone. Her husband was pacing in the middle of the room, frantically. One hand was gripping his hair tightly, the other on his hip.

“I don’t want that.” His whisper was quiet, but she heard the sob in his voice. “I can’t lose her,” he pleaded, face crumpling. “I can’t – My baby girl.”

Riza hushed him, pulling him into a tight hug. Hands wrapped around her tightly. Roy pressed his face into her shoulder, his head dipped low as she felt his torso shake with his sobs. His knees shook beneath him and Riza had to hold his weight for a brief second. Riza knew exactly how he felt because she’d lost it like this when Mia had asked her the question. But it just showed she was too young to comprehend the concept of dying. She was too young to lose anyone. _Too young_.

“She’s not going anywhere,” Riza reassured him fiercely through her own tears. “She’s safe and happy with your mother right now.”

“And I left you to deal with all of that. I didn’t even _think_.”

Riza hushed him again. “You had a lot to deal with –”

“It’s no excuse,” he replied. His tone was firm, rising in volume. The grip on her tightened. “I can’t believe she said that to you.”

“It’s because she’s only young. She didn’t understand.”

Silence enveloped them as they both cried. It was cathartic to do this together, Riza thought. It was finally all coming out and she felt better about it. A weight was being lifted from her shoulders.

“I won’t say I wasn’t angry at the whole situation,” Riza whispered. “Because I was. You were grieving, I get that, but you didn’t need to say those things. That’s when I thought we were done,” she admitted. “After everything happened, I thought you’d finally realised how much I burden you every day.”

His head jerked up from her shoulder, his eyes staring into hers with disbelief in them. It was a comfort, at least. “_Never_,” he replied vehemently, pressing his forehead against hers, as if it would somehow make her understand better. “That’s on _me_. You keep me _sane_. You keep me grounded. You keep me going.” His voice cracked on the last word. “You always have.” He drew himself up to his full height, meeting her eyes. His hands never strayed from around her body though. “There is a plot in the military that we think goes right to the top.”

Riza’s stomach twisted painfully and dread threatened to creep up her spine. She swallowed thickly, letting the weight of his revelation settle over her.

“I don’t have names yet, but I think that was what Hughes figured out. Or, it was just how deep this whole thing ran. Someone is controlling the military. That’s what I’m trying to find out.”

Riza’s stomach continued to churn. “The reason I asked you not to go after the culprit and get your revenge wasn’t me asking you to drop it,” she whispered. “I was terrified of losing you. Whoever is pulling the strings didn’t hesitate to kill Maes as soon as they found out he’d discovered them. I don’t want you to die too.” Riza gripped his t-shirt tighter again, shifting her face so that it was pressed into his shoulder.

“I know,” Roy murmured. “I know that now. I was unfair to you, and if anyone else had been there, I would have lashed out at them too. It wasn’t directed at you for any reason.” Riza felt him hang his head. “I’m sorry. When I found out you were in the hospital that’s when it hit me just how awful I’d been to you. At Hughes’ funeral…” He took a shaky breath, almost stuttering over the last word. “I saw how good you were with Elicia and Mia, cheering them up after such a sad day. You were wonderful with them. You told Elicia about your own parents. I overheard you talking about it and I didn’t think you would share that with anyone, but you did it to show her, and to teach her, that it’s okay to be sad when people leave us like that. All the way home in the car she’d raved about how ‘Auntie Riza had said this, and Auntie Riza had said that’. You were exactly what she needed.” Roy gave her a quick squeeze. “Gracia and I knew you’d helped her understand. When I came home last night, that’s when I realised, I was losing you,” he admitted in a whisper. “You couldn’t even look at me, and I don’t blame you.”

“I was still angry at you but frustrated at myself.”

“Why?” He sounded genuinely curious.

“I obviously didn’t help you the way I should have through this tough time. I never offered help like I should have.”

“You did try to help. I also never gave you the chance,” Roy countered. “I wasn’t exactly the most approachable person. We promised we’d look out for each other and I did the exact opposite. I shouldered it all and pushed you both away and to the side in my grief.”

Riza couldn’t think of anything to reply to that. All her anger had left her now and she was tired. Emotionally and physically. She wanted to put this behind them and move on. There was nothing else that jumped to mind that needed to be discussed, and she felt certain they’d done enough of that for one lifetime.

Now, they could start moving forward.

A short, strangled laugh left Riza’s throat as she thought about Maes. He was probably up there screaming about how they were both so _stupid_ and too stubborn for their own good.

“What?” Roy asked, his tone both curious and surprised.

She shook her head, peeling it away from his shoulder. When she looked into his eyes Riza finally felt at peace. “I was just thinking about how Maes is up there yelling about how stupid and stubborn we both are.”

Roy blinked at her, then his face relaxed. “He was always right about that. And the fact that I’m a colossal idiot. He’s still right about that,” he smiled. It was tiny, but it was there.

“But you’re _my_ idiot, and I wouldn’t trade you for the world.” Riza pressed a hand to his cheek. “I couldn’t. Who would I tease if you were gone?”

Roy let out a laugh then hugged her tightly after pressing a kiss to her temple. “You’re right. Who would keep my sorry ass in line if you weren’t here?”

“To be fair, Mia probably could. She’s got you wrapped around her little finger.”

His laugh was solid this time. “You’re right. We’d be eating chocolate with _every _meal and there would be ice cream for breakfast if she got her way. I’d be huge in size.”

They both laughed, smiling fondly. When their eyes met again, their faces softened. Roy lifted a hand to her chin, cupping it and lifting it. She licked her lips in anticipation of a kiss.

“I love you so much, Riza Mustang,” he whispered. “I know I can be difficult, and I have a lot of making up to do but know that feeling will _never_ change.”

“I just need you,” she whispered. “I’m glad you’ve come back to us.”

Roy bent his head, his lips pressing against hers so softly. It was a caring and loving kiss. She’d missed that feeling so much. His hand slowly moved so his palm was cupping her cheek. His fingers moved into the hair by her ear as his thumb stroked her cheekbone lightly. It was gentle and hesitant when Riza needed more. She gripped his shoulders tightly, deepening the kiss and pulling his body closer to hers. The two of them moved together, basking in the love they held for each other.

“I’ll always come back to you,” he whispered. He pressed his forehead against hers. “Like I said, you ground me. You’re the one constant in my life I can count on, so is Mia, but I took advantage of that recently.” His head lifted so he met her eyes. “No more.”

She smiled at him. It felt like it had been too long since the last she’d done that.

* * *

Riza was stirred from her slumber by the ghostly feeling of fingers brushing over her face. She shifted as it tickled her skin, her face brushing against something hard, but warm. Opening her eyes, she saw Roy’s well-defined chest directly in her view. Glancing up, she saw her husband smiling down at her. He was propped up on his elbow, which rested atop his pillow, while his head leaned against a closed fist.

“Hey,” he murmured, bending his head to kiss her cheek. His fingers abandoned her skin as he did so, but they returned to stroking her face after it. She sighed at his touch, snuggling closer to his body.

“Hello,” she sighed as his fingers made her shiver. “I didn’t realise I fell asleep.”

Roy chuckled. “For about two hours.”

Riza’s eyes popped open. “Really?” she asked in disbelief.

Nodding, he shifted so he could kiss her head again. “You must have needed it.”

After their emotionally charged discussion of what had happened between them, Roy had kissed her softly. Riza wanted – no, _needed_ – more, and dragged him into a deeper kiss, her hands tugging at his t-shirt, trying to get it over his head as quickly as possible. She’d meant it when she said she’d missed him. It wasn’t just his presence and his comfort. She’d missed his love too. She was desperate for the emotional connection they shared. Riza needed to reconnect with her husband. The bond between them was something she’d never experienced with anyone else before. It was so intense, Riza was lost without it during their hard time. So, she’d dragged him off to their bedroom and had apparently fallen asleep for two hours after it.

“I suppose I did,” she agreed. She let her eyes drift closed as she cuddled back into his side. “And I definitely needed _that_.”

Roy hummed in agreement, bending to kiss her again. “I’m just thankful that was the way things went. It could have gone the opposite.”

Riza’s eyes opened, her smile slipping from her face. “It could have, but I don’t think I could ever leave you, Roy,” she admitted. “We agreed we were in this together. Plus, we have the kids.” Her stomach fluttered at the plural word.

While he’d made love to her, Roy had cupped her swollen stomach in his hands, kissing the skin and whispering about how much he loved their little one already. He made promises and declared vows against her skin, his lips and breath tickling her stomach.

“We do, and I wouldn’t trade them both for the world.”

“Neither would I,” Riza agreed.

“I can’t believe we’re having a second one…” A smile spread across his face as he trailed off. “Sometimes I _really_ can’t believe how lucky I’ve been.”

“Me too. Who would have thought I would fall in love with the scrawny city boy who appeared on my father’s doorstep one day?” she quipped, grinning up at him.

Roy laughed. “Who would have thought the shy, quiet girl who almost made me vomit when she cut the head off a chicken for dinner would fall in love with me?” he retorted. “I’m sure you did that on purpose, just for the shock factor.”

“Maybe I did,” she teased as they laughed together. “You’re the best person in my life, Roy, and always have been. I would never want to lose you.”

“I feel the same way,” he whispered, dropping his joking tone. He gave her a tight squeeze.

Peace washed over her body, solidifying in her mind that she was extremely loved by this man and he wanted her by his side. Her childish fears would not get in her way today, or in the future. She decided there and then, to actually _listen_ to Roy when he told her how amazing she was, and how much he needed her, rather than smile and nod just to keep the peace. She _was_ worthy of being loved, and she _was_ a good person. She helped him, and that was all she ever wanted.

“I’m glad,” she whispered, shifting to press her lips against his.

Roy rolled her onto her back, so he was hovering over her. His knees were on either side of her hips, one hand on the mattress by her shoulder. The other hand lifted to her face, stroking down the side of her face, moving from her temple, down her cheek, to her cup her chin with his thumb and forefinger.

“I love you, Riza,” he murmured, lowering his lips to hover just above hers, but not making contact. “So much.”

“I love you, Roy. Always have, always will.”

They were lost to each other once more under the warmth of their bedsheets.

* * *

“Hiya Mummy!” Mia called after they heard the front door to their home open. “Daddy!”

“Shoes off, Mia,” Chris commanded before they saw their daughter. There was a brief pause, then she came barrelling into their living room, Hayate hot on her heels. He looked as happy and excited to see them as Mia did, his tail wagging happily while his tongue lolled from his mouth.

“Hello, Mia,” Riza greeted.

Roy stood from his place beside Riza on the couch, disentangling himself from Riza’s hold. He bent low to scoop Mia up from the floor, twirling her around in place while she giggled happily. Hayate barked at his feet, his paws shifting on the carpet. Riza chuckled at their pup, betting that he probably wanted the same treatment.

“How’s my best girl?” Roy asked once he stopped spinning her around. Her body swayed in his arms, her head still spinning, while she giggled again.

“Good!” she exclaimed happily. “We went on the swings, we got some ice cream, we played fetch with Hayate and he jumped in the pond after his stick,” she giggled, leaning over her father’s arms to look down at their dog. As soon as Hayate saw Mia’s eyes on him, his tail wagged happily once more.

Mia continued to regale Roy with everything they did that day, and it sounded like _a lot_.

Chris approached Riza, one eyebrow lifted. Riza knew already what her question was.

“We’re good,” Riza told her with a smile, her eyes drifting back to Roy as he began to exclaim his surprise at what they did today, overexaggerating his tone and disbelief.

“I knew you would be,” Chris replied. “But that stuff still needs to be figured out. I saw how much what had happened was affecting him, and I could see it was beginning to tear you both apart.”

Riza felt her stomach twist uncomfortably, knowing that people had noticed their marital problems. However, what was done was done, and they’d made their way through it. That was what mattered.

“I’m glad you worked it out,” Chris added, offering Riza one of her rare, small smiles. “Otherwise I would have smacked him upside the head for being so stupid to push you away.”

“Thank you, Chris,” Riza replied, genuinely.

“Don’t mention it,” Chris replied, her tone gruff.

Riza smiled, noticing how she looked slightly uncomfortable with the gratitude. Despite being Roy’s mother, she still supported Riza wholeheartedly, and that was appreciated. In the past, her father had always taken Roy’s side, even going so far as blaming Roy’s failings or lack of progress on her, stating she was distracting him. It was nice to have a parental figure’s support once in her life.

Chris’ tone softened when Mia squealed loudly as Roy began to tickle her, not letting her escape from his hold. “I’d do anything for you both, you know that.”

A proud smile spread across Riza’s face. “I do. Thank you.”

“_And_ for that little girl,” Chris added. “Even if she does run me off my feet all the time.”

Riza chuckled. “She’s well known for that.”

“Honestly, it was every five minutes. She’s always on the move.”

“Tell me about it. I used to look away for one second when she was a baby and she’d managed to crawl across the room to pick something up to put in her mouth. I needed another set of eyes.” Riza laughed fondly at the memory.

“Come on, Hayate!” Mia beckoned her friend loudly, leaving the room. They both ran up the stairs hurriedly, and Riza noticed she wasn’t limping.

“She’s going to get changed because she’s “all sweaty”,” Roy explained, adding in air quotes.

“I’m not surprised,” Chris snorted. “She ran about _all day_. I couldn’t get her to sit still for her lunch.”

Roy laughed, slinging his arm around Riza’s shoulders, then pressing a kiss to her temple. “Thank you for looking after her today,” he added, his tone sincere. “We really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Chris stated, as if it were obvious she would. “I’d do anything for you two. Even if it means I end up in a heap by the end of the day because _she’s_ run me ragged,” Chris added, jerking her thumb over her shoulder, motioning to Mia. Then, Chris narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m glad to see things turned out for the best.”

“They did,” Roy replied, but his tone was slightly solemn.

“Good, because I would have killed you, Roy Boy, for letting this one go.”

Riza blushed lightly at the compliment while Roy chuckled beside her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. Part of her was so close to opening her mouth to protest, but then she remembered her promise to herself earlier in the day. _She **was** good enough. She was worthy of their love and support_.

“She definitely is,” Roy grinned, pressing another kiss to Riza’s temple.


	22. we put each other back like a puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before anyone rolls their eyes and says "here she goes again with the angst" haha bear in mind that this fic focuses on their personal lives, kinda just on the edge of canon, so its obviously not going to be sunshine and roses after hughes passes. that being said, happy times are still here, i promise! but its gotta be real! hope you all enjoy :D
> 
> song for this chapter: mat kearney - keep on loving you

## 1914

** _ you're my favourite kind of trouble_ **

** _'cause there ain't no love without the struggle_ **

** _and if it all turns to rubble_ **

** _we put each other back like a puzzle_ **

Mia was kept off school after Maes’ funeral. There were moments during the day where the loss of her adoptive Uncle would hit her suddenly. She’d be chatting away about something, then she’d freeze, her eyes welling with tears. Mia would fix Riza with a desolate stare as her body began to shudder, her eyes begging Riza for comfort. She was due to return to school that morning, but while Riza was brushing her hair, she decided against it.

“I miss Uncle Maes,” Mia whispered suddenly, meeting her mother’s eyes in the mirror of Riza’s vanity. Tears fell thick and fast down her cheeks so Riza bundled Mia into her arms and hugged her tightly. She rocked her little girl in place as her cries grew louder.

The sound of footsteps hurrying up the stairs didn’t quite draw Riza’s attention away from her daughter, however she knew Roy had heard Mia crying. Her suspicions were confirmed when he paused in the doorway, one hand gripping the door handle tightly.

Hayate was behind him, pushing his way forward and into Riza’s bedroom as he whined at Mia. Riza pet his fur to reassure him as he lay down on his stomach, head on his paws, to watch Mia.

“I miss him,” Mia sniffed loudly. “And, and,” she stuttered, her chest heaving as she tried to talk while she was crying. “And I don’t want him to be in a box underground. I thought you were going to go in a box too Mummy when you fell, and I didn’t like it.”

Riza froze but her grip tightened on Mia.

Suddenly, Roy had wrapped his arms around the both of them. The small family sat on the floor of the master bedroom, holding each other tightly. Hayate whined louder, putting his head on Mia’s legs that were sticking out of the family’s embrace.

“It was so scary,” Mia wailed.

“I know, Baby,” Riza soothed as she tried to keep a hold of things. “I know, it’s really hard. But I’m not going anywhere, okay? I promise.”

Ever since she’d fainted and Mia had found her, Riza wondered when this conversation would come. It was horrible waiting for Mia to let go like this, but now that it had finally happened, they’d be able to work through it together. As a family.

“You were amazing that night, okay?” Roy pulled away and cupped Mia’s cheeks in his hands. Her tear stained face had been pressed into Riza’s chest, but Roy gently guided it towards him so that he could speak to her directly. “Grandma told me everything you did. You were _so brave_ and I’m so proud of you.”

Riza kissed the top of Mia’s head. Mia was staring up at Roy, wide eyed and tearful as he smiled softly at her.

“You told me once that I was your hero,” Roy added, wiping away Mia’s tears with his thumbs. “But you’re _my_ hero, Mia Bear. You’re _our_ superhero.”

“What?” she asked quietly, not quite believing or understanding him.

“You were so brave, and you got Mummy the help she needed. You helped her get better. That makes you a superhero in my book.”

Mia nodded and her face screwed up. Arms reaching out, she sought comfort from her father. Roy welcomed it and hugged her tightly against his chest. Seeing Mia so upset had brought pain to them both and now that Mia’s eyes were closed and angled away from her parent’s faces, they let it show just how sorrowful they were.

Now that Mia was out of Riza’s arms, she petted Hayate instead and comforted the dog as he whined quietly at Mia’s distress.

“You don’t have to go to school today Mia, okay?” Roy promised. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and swept her unruly dark hair away from her face so Riza could see her eyes.

Mia nodded vigorously and gripped onto her father tighter, eyes squeezed tightly closed.

“Mummy and I don’t want you to be upset at school and alone either. So, we’ll do something fun today, all right? What do you want to do?”

Mia took a minute to think. She’d calmed down a little with the promise of not having to face school alone.

“I… I don’t know,” she mumbled.

“That’s all right,” he reassured her. “How about you get changed out of your school clothes and I’ll go and make you a fun breakfast?”

“What’s a fun breakfast?” Mia asked, pulling away and looking up at Roy in confusion.

A playful smile spread across his face and he winked at her. “It’s a secret. You won’t know until you come downstairs.”

Mia perked up immediately with the promise of a surprise. “Okay,” she agreed, still subdued, but her tears had stopped. She stood from her father’s lap and straightened. She wiped her tears with the back of her hands and walked through to her bedroom to get changed. Hayate was off like a shot, hot on Mia’s heels.

Roy and Riza’s eyes met, then their smiles dropped from their faces.

“Come here,” Roy whispered, opening his arms.

Riza went to him eagerly, clutching at his shirt. “Seeing her cry makes me want to cry,” Riza mumbled into his already wet shirt.

Roy hummed in agreement. “Me too. We promised we’d be better for her and this is the start. I need to own up to a lot and I’m willing to do it. Will… Will you be by my side?”

Riza looked up at him, noting how his voice had wavered. Regardless of how long they’d spent talking things through, or how many times they did it, every time he sought reassurance, she’d give it to him.

“Of course, I will. You know that already,” she added gently.

Roy nodded, hugging her tighter. “I know I do. But after everything that happened… It’s just nice to hear, I guess,” he admitted in a mumble.

Riza cupped his cheek, lifting it so they were eye to eye. “Then I’ll tell you for the rest of my life.”

Roy kissed her softly, his lips lingering against hers for a little while longer.

“I love you so much,” he murmured. He pecked her lips once more then hugged her tightly.

“Love you too,” she replied.

“I better get started on that fun breakfast I promised her.”

“No chocolate,” Riza warned, just knowing what he had in mind.

Roy simpered. “Damn. That was the whole plan!” he joked.

“…Maybe just a little bit then,” Riza relented. To be perfectly honest, it was all she desired to eat right now. She wanted comfort from everything, and her pregnancy was making her feel more than ready to give in completely to cravings.

Roy’s face lit up as he turned back to face her in the doorway, a grin on his face. It was cheeky, almost mischievous, and Riza knew there would be no stopping his grand plan to cheer up Mia. Not that Riza would want to anyway, she supposed. She’d do anything to stop her baby girl from being so upset.

Riza phoned the school and explained the situation to Mia’s headteacher, and the woman understood completely. They would keep her off until she was ready but would see how the upcoming weekend played out first.

Once off the phone, Riza entered their kitchen and found Mia’s legs kicking her chair happily as she bit into a square of chocolate. A _large_ square. Riza shook her head at Roy, but still wore a smile. He just shrugged helplessly. He always had been completely wrapped around Mia’s finger. She probably sweet talked him into the whole bar, rather than just a few squares.

“So,” Roy announced as he sat in a chair at the table. “Have you thought about what you want to do today, Mia Bear?”

Her legs stopped kicking. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But you’ll be going soon though, won’t you?” The sadness in her tone was clear.

“Going where?” Roy queried.

“To work,” Mia replied. She was definitely sad at the thought of Roy leaving them.

Roy shook his head. “Not today, Mia.”

“Why?” she asked, confused.

“I’ve got the day off work today.” Her face perked up. Mia shifted in her chair, eager to hear the news. “And I haven’t spent a lot of time with you and Mummy recently after what happened with Uncle Maes. I’ve missed you both,” he smiled softly.

Turning her attention away from her husband, Riza watched Mia carefully for her reaction, discerning whether or not she’d burst into tears, like she did upstairs, at the mention of her late uncle.

“Oh. Okay,” she nodded. Mia sat back in her chair and her shoulders slumped.

Riza took a breath, holding it for a second. She was preparing herself to console her daughter if she needed to, but Mia glanced down to her side. Hayate was sitting by the side of her chair. He let out a quiet whine then licked Mia’s fingers, which had been wrapped around the base of her chair. Her grip loosened, and Mia smiled down at Hayate, scratching him behind his ears.

“Okay, Dad,” Mia smiled, looking up at her father. “Oh, I’m excited! I get to spend all day with you and Mum!”

Despite the pup being sprung on them at a moment’s notice, Riza was extremely thankful Hayate was in their lives. He was an excellent little dog and had very quickly become Mia’s best friend. The two were inseparable, which was a joy to discover. He could pick up the feeling in any room and tried to comfort the people he loved in any way he could.

Mia had decided she wanted to go to the park, so of course, her wish was their command. After her “fun breakfast”, she was restless as Riza tried to apply sun lotion to her skin to protect her from the hot day outside. It had eventually turned into a game, with Mia squealing and laughing, trying to get away from Riza. It was frustrating as a mother who just wanted to get her daughter ready to go out, but in reality, the laughter was music to Riza’s ears. She didn’t mind indulging her daughter in her game because it worked wonders erasing the sight of the desolate look on Mia’s face from Riza’s mind.

* * *

Chocolate for breakfast was definitely a bad idea and Riza hoped Roy now knew why she’d told him only to let Mia have a little bit. She was certainly full of beans this morning. The sugar from the sweet treat certainly didn’t help.

Riza laughed to herself as she watched Roy run around the park with Mia. She’d been up on his shoulders, steering him like a horse by turning his head in the direction she wanted him to go. Riza snorted at that analogy, because it was fitting, given his surname. Mia had Roy chasing her in a game of tag. She’d been up to the top of the climbing frame twice, begging her father to join her. He’d used the excuse that he was too big to play on it, and would probably break it, to give himself a little reprieve. Riza knew he was struggling because as he’d waited at the bottom patiently for Mia to come down, he caught Riza’s eyes and silently begged her to help him.

“That’s what you get for giving her a whole bar of chocolate for breakfast,” Riza smiled sweetly, pecking his sweat covered cheek.

Roy groaned in response. “Noted for the future,” he muttered.

“Mia?” Riza called.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve laid out lunch. Come down and I’ll take you to wash your hands.”

“Okay!”

“Go and have a seat,” she directed Roy, nodding over to the picnic bench they’d claimed. It was a beautiful sunny day, so when Roy offered to prepare a picnic for them to take to the park, Riza readily agreed. “I’ll take her to clean her hands.”

Just as Mia landed on the spongy surface of the playground, Roy gave her a quick kiss as a thank you.

“Come on, Mum!” Mia urged, grasping her hand tightly and gently pulling Riza away from Roy. “I’m hungry.”

“Patience, Mia Bear,” Riza scolded lightly. “You don’t want to pull me over now, do you?”

“You’re too big for me to do that,” she giggled.

“Ah, but you forget, Mia. You’re a superhero, remember. You’re _so strong_ that you might knock me over!”

Mia’s face lit up, dazzling her with a smile as she walked backwards, Hayate and Riza following her lead. “I would never knock you over, Mum,” she promised. “But I’ll be careful, I promise! I wouldn’t want to hurt my little brother or sister though…” Mia paused in her walking, biting her lip worriedly.

“You don’t need to worry about hurting them,” Riza reassured her, placing a hand on her head to ruffle her hair.

“How did the baby get in your tummy?” she asked. Mia’s eyes dropped and looked at Riza's small bump.

“Uh…” Riza smiled to herself. “That’s a talk we can have another day.” She nodded towards the toilets they were approaching. “We’re almost there, so time to wash our hands.”

“Another day?”

Riza nodded. “Yes,” she promised. Then a rather wicked idea occurred to her. “Or you can ask your father,” Riza added casually, trying to hide her smile. “I’m sure he would _love_ to tell you _all _about how that happens.”

“Okay!”

“Another time, though.” _No, that would be too mean to Roy_, Riza thought to herself with a quiet laugh. It would be entertaining to see his face though. “And we’ll all talk about it together, I promise.” With any luck, that wouldn’t be today, and Mia would have forgotten all about it.

“Okay,” Mia agreed again, pushing open the door of the public toilets. He probably shouldn’t have been inside, but Hayate managed to sneak his way in the building and waited patiently for Mia to finish her task. Riza did the same, talking Mia through it to make sure she did it properly. At the age of five, she knew how to wash her hands, but was so excitable today that Riza wanted to make sure it was done correctly and wasn’t a rush job.

Roy looked weary when they returned. Hayate smelled food so had bounded ahead. Mia raced after him, trying to keep up. Roy shifted on the bench, moving to scratch Hayate behind the ears as he desperately tried to sniff at the food just out of his reach.

“Sit,” Roy commanded. Hayate obeyed instantly. His eyes never left the food bowl on the bench above him. “Good boy.” Roy lowered the bowl and Hayate dug into his lunch. Roy placed his water bowl beside him as Mia arrived.

“Hi Daddy,” she greeted brightly. She was sitting across from Roy, up on her knees as she gazed at all the food before her eagerly. From behind, Riza thought she might be drooling.

Roy had insisted on making all the food, so Riza has stayed out of his way. He was cooking something up, both literally and figuratively, so she’d steered clear of the kitchen and left him to it as she got Mia ready to go out. Her morning sickness was all right today and hadn’t plagued her yet. Riza wanted to keep it that way.

It was quite a spread. There were chipolata sausages, different types of seasoned chicken, rolls, sandwiches, a fruit salad, a colourful vegetable salad and various dips for the crisps and carrot sticks Roy had just opened up.

“Hello, Bear. What do you want to eat for lunch?”

“Is this _all_ for us?” Wonder swept across Mia’s features.

Riza sat next to Mia, accepting the paper plate Roy offered her.

“Whatever you see, you can eat,” Roy confirmed.

Mia eagerly, but carefully, began to pile things on her plate.

She was so full after her monstrous lunch that Mia didn’t have the energy to run around like she did afterwards. Roy was probably thankful for that. However, apparently she’d ate too much because she was lying on the bench with her head on Riza’s lap, complaining about feeling ill.

“You did eat a lot, Mia,” Riza told her.

“I didn’t mean too,” she whined, clutching her stomach. “I feel a little bit sick,” she whined.

“Just rest, Mia Bear,” Riza soothed. “You don’t need to go anywhere or do anything. Just close your eyes.” She stroked Mia’s cheeks then brushed her fringe off Mia’s face. When Mia had been younger her fringe had been like Roy’s; all over the place and falling over her eyes. However, as she’d grown older, she’d expressed the desire to have it cut like her mother’s so she could see better, so Riza styled it for her.

“Okay, Mummy,” she mumbled, her eyes already closed.

Roy laughed to himself. “Do you think this will teach her to slow down a little?” he joked.

Riza shrugged and smiled down at their daughter. “At least it’s tired her out a little. That’s something.”

“Or she’s crashing hard after that sugar rush.”

Riza hummed in agreement. “And who’s fault is that?” she asked playfully.

“I know, I know,” Roy agreed, lifting his hands in surrender. “Lesson learned. Completely.”

“She’ll be fine if she sleeps it off. It wouldn’t be a bad thing for her to get half an hour or so anyway. If she sleeps too long she may end up not sleeping tonight.”

“We don’t want that,” Roy grimaced.

Riza smiled at Roy’s fearful tone. “No. We don’t.”

They both lapsed into silence and Riza continued to stroke Mia’s forehead as she drifted off. Soon, her breathing evened out and she was asleep.

“Out like a light,” Riza chuckled. “She must take that from you,” she smirked over at him.

“Are you insinuating that I like a nap?” he asked, eyes sparkling.

“I am,” Riza replied. “How very astute of you, Colonel Mustang. They should put you in investigations.”

Roy snorted and shook his head. He dusted his hands off, removing crumbs from his last sandwich and started to clear up the table. Riza helped as best she could from her spot without jostling Mia, but Roy swatted her hands away playfully and gently.

“I’ll get it. You just sit back and relax,” he admonished.

Apparently this was a recurring theme for the rest of the day. Once home, Roy shooed her and Mia out of the kitchen while he prepared dinner. Hayate was his helper and apparently they were going to have some “guy time” together. Riza narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him but didn’t fight him on it. Mia was tired but Riza wouldn’t let her sleep. So, the two of them went into their living room and turned on the radio. A radio show aimed at children was currently playing, so Riza sat with her and the two enjoyed it, curled underneath a blanket. Riza just shook her head and smiled fondly when she heard Roy muttering to Hayate in the kitchen.

After a curious period of silence, Hayate came padding through with a piece of paper attached to his collar. Laughing to herself, Riza gave him a good scratch as he sat at her feet, waiting patiently for her to remove the message that had Roy’s dorky behaviour written all over it.

_Roy Mustang requests the presence of Princess Mia Mustang in the dining room. A feast is being served in her honour._

“Mia,” Riza nudged her daughter. “Dad has sent a message to you.”

She read it tiredly, forehead scrunching up in confusion. She looked up at her mother, silently asking her to translate.

“Dinner is ready,” Riza explained. “Come on, let’s see if you can eat something after your big lunch earlier.”

“I don’t know,” Mia replied with uncertainty.

“It would be nice to try, though,” Riza reasoned. “Otherwise you’ll be really hungry when you go to bed and it’s not a nice feeling trying to fall asleep when you’re hungry.”

“Okay, Mummy,” she agreed tiredly, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She’d recovered from her sugar high but had still tired herself out today. Most importantly, she’d been happy. So had Riza. It was a wonderful day they’d all had together and in all honesty Riza didn’t want it to end.

Roy stood at the head of the table, clutching Mia’s favourite bear in his hands. “Dinner is ready,” he announced, making the bear wave to her.

“Is Mr. Brown allowed to sit beside me?” she asked, hopping up into a chair and looking at her favourite bear. Mia was not the most creative with names, given the light brown fur of her favourite toy.

“That’s why he’s here.” Roy placed the bear in the chair next to Mia’s and pushed her toy into the table.

Her dinner was a simple meal. It was all very plain, but Riza knew it would be perfect for her if she was still feeling slightly unwell after her feast earlier. There were lots of vegetables that wouldn’t fill her up too much, along with a handful of fries and some roast chicken.

“Our dinner is ready too,” Roy announced, catching Riza’s eye. “Would my Queen like to join us?” Roy asked. Riza was still standing by the door, simply observing them interact together.

“Is that why I’m the Princess?” Mia piped up from her seat. Her feet were kicking in her chair as Hayate sat by her side patiently, eyeing every bit of food that left her plate. Mia even played along with Mr. Brown and offered him a nibble of her vegetables before she finished them off.

“You are, my darling,” Roy reassured her. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he passed by, approaching Riza. “Mummy is my Queen.”

“So… Does that make you the King?” Mia was curious, offering broccoli to her bear.

Roy looked in Riza’s eyes as he came to a stop before her. “Yes,” he replied to Mia. “What say you, my Queen?” he asked.

Her arms slowly lifted and snaked around his neck. Riza stepped closer, so their bodies were almost touching. Her fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of Roy’s neck, causing him to inhale sharply. Angling her head, she considered him for a moment.

“Of course,” Riza smiled up at him. “I’d be honoured.” She angled her head to kiss him, pressing her lips gently against his as Roy’s hands lifted to grip her hips. She lingered there for a moment. Her eyes closed as she savoured the moment.

The three of them sat down to a meal of roast chicken, fries. Perfectly simple after their large meal at lunch.

Mia was out like a light again shortly after dinner. Riza tucked her into bed and pressed a kiss to her forehead, bidding her goodnight. Her daughter stirred as Riza stroked her forehead and cheek but sighed happily in her sleep and cuddled into Mr. Brown.

Riza almost tripped over Hayate sitting obediently outside Mia’s bedroom door. He looked up at her expectantly, another piece of paper tucked inside his collar. Crouching, she retrieved the paper with a fond shake of her head, thanking their pup.

_The King requests the Queen’s presence in the bedroom_.

Anticipation flooded her as she made the short journey through the hall. Opening the door apprehensively, she paused when she noticed the candles. Multiple candles cast a soft glow around the room, bathing it in an amber light and creating a warmth through sight alone. Sitting on the centre of the bed, was Roy, a single red rose in his hands and a cheeky grin on his face.

“What’s this for?” Riza asked, confused.

“Surprise,” Roy replied, his tone soft.

Riza closed their bedroom door and Hayate yipped in protest from outside. Riza didn’t even hear him. She was too distracted as she stared at her husband, still trying to find something to say.

Roy rose from his seated position on the bed and approached her slowly. “Ideally we’d have a little wine too, but for obvious reasons, we can’t,” he added with a chuckle. “I’ll just have to save that plan for later.”

“Wh… Why?” she asked again, looking up at him. There was a plan for later? She knew he’d been up to something while she was getting Mia settled, but this…

Roy handed her the rose with a flourish, interrupting her train of thought.

“A rose, for my Queen,” he announced with the silliest smile on his face.

He was such a dork. Riza handled the rose carefully, twirling it in her fingers as she watched the petals spin. But Roy was also so romantic. Riza was so touched by the lovely gesture.

“I said I knew I had a lot of making up to do,” Roy started. Riza shook her head, opening her mouth to argue, but Roy silenced her gently by grasping one of her hands and lifting it to his heart. “If I may?” he interrupted, sounding slightly nervous. “I… I have something I want to say.”

“Okay,” Riza relented. She swallowed, gooseflesh rising from her skin as anticipation flooded her once more.

“Like I said, I know I have a lot of making up to do. And yes, we discussed it all and went through it, but… I still made you unhappy. And I’m so sorry about that.” His eyes were earnest as they bored into hers, matching the tone of his voice. “So, this is my next step. If you would like to join me, of course?”

“Yes,” Riza breathed. “Yes, of course I would.”

The nervous energy seemed to fizzle out of him slightly and his shoulders visibly relaxed. His head bobbed. “All right. I love you Riza,” he stated passionately. “Can’t imagine a life without you by my side, in fact. In whatever capacity that may be. You were my friend first and foremost. You taught me so much and continue to do so. I adore you with every fibre of my being, and I meant it when I said you were my Queen,” he chuckled. “And, _yes_, you say I have no making up to do, but can you humour me?” he requested. “I _want_ to do it because I want to make you happy. I promised I would on our wedding day. And I want to leave the wonderful Riza Mustang at a loss for words,” he quipped, a wry smile on his face. “It doesn’t happen very often, and I’ve decided it’s a rather nice feeling.”

“You surprised me,” she replied. She was slowly coming out of her daze.

“Making you happy makes me happy, Riza. That’s all I want,” he murmured, gripping her hand in both of his once more. “I’m doing gestures like this because I want to, not because I feel I _have _to. And… there may be some ups and downs in the future, but I promise, that feeling will never change, along with my love for you, okay? Even if things get dicey, or things take a bad turn for whatever reason, _never_ doubt that.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “I love you.”

“I promise, I won’t,” she whispered.

Riza stepped forward and crushed her lips against his. Roy responded eagerly in kind, his hands moving upwards and underneath her shirt. The fingers on her skin ignited a fire that had been lying dormant inside of her all throughout this exchange. Still thrown off by the surprise of his gesture, Riza decided to show him just how much she loved him. As they fell onto the bed, Riza whispered her own “_I love you_” against his skin.

* * *

“Sorry about rushing into things,” Riza murmured. “The candles are really lovely.” And they were, releasing the scent of vanilla into the room.

Roy turned his head, grinning at her. “Don’t apologise for rushing things Riza,” he chuckled. “Plus, you’re a much better view than the candles.”

“Still… You worked on it. And it was very much appreciated. Same with the rose… Wherever it is.” Riza craned her neck to look on the floor but couldn’t see where she’d dropped it. She couldn’t remember.

Roy rolled over onto his side from his back. Arms enveloped her tightly and Roy pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Don’t worry about that, Love. It had the desired effect.”

“To get me into bed with you?” Riza quipped.

Roy laughed. “No. To surprise you. To show you just how far I’m willing to go to try to make you happy and to show you how loved you are.”

“You already do that.”

“Yes, but I can do _more_,” he stressed with a secretive smile. “And that’s something I’m excited about showing you.”

“Today was perfect, Roy.” Her head tipped downwards so she could rest her forehead against his chest. “I loved every minute.”

“Good,” he replied firmly, giving her a squeeze. “I had the best time with you and Mia and wish I could do it every day.”

“We’ll have more weekends like that,” she promised.

“Every weekend?” he ventured.

Riza tipped her head up to look at him. “Every weekend,” she confirmed.


	23. you're a king and i'm a lionheart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're back 👀 hope you enjoy it!
> 
> song for this chapter: of monster and men – king and lionheart

**1914**

** _but you're a king and i'm a lionheart_ **

When Chris had invited Riza and Mia around to the bar for dinner, Riza didn’t expect her daughter to be whisked away immediately by Vanessa as soon as they set foot inside the bar. Chris approached with determination.

“We need to talk.”

Anxiety settled in Riza’s stomach. What was all this about? There was no room for argument as Chris turned on her heel and walked away, expecting Riza to follow.

Riza wondered if this had something to do with Roy. He’d suddenly called shortly after arriving at work that morning to say that he wouldn’t be home until late that night. He had some work to do, but he was sorry, and he loved them both. She didn’t think much of it, just told him to be safe and got on with her day. Then, Chris called shortly afterwards, encouraging Riza to come for dinner. While she thought it would be lovely to spend the evening with her mother-in-law, there was a tiny niggle in the back of her mind that something was happening behind the scenes.

Chris led the way through to the backroom of the bar, into her home. She led Riza into her kitchen without any kind of indication of what the topic of discussion would be, and that made the wait worse. Was this something she needed to worry about? Riza’s thoughts were interrupted by Mia’s happy squeal from somewhere in the house, followed by Vanessa’s laugh.

Uncertainty clawed at Riza’s heart. She wanted to ask what was going on but knew better. Everything Chris did was for a reason, so if she was leading Riza away from Mia then it was something their daughter shouldn’t overhear. Riza bit her tongue.

Once inside the kitchen, Chris gestured for Riza to sit.

“Roy will be working late tonight, but I’m sure you already know about that.”

“He called this morning,” Riza confirmed.

Chris nodded. “He’s going to do something tonight, and wanted you brought here as a precaution.”

“What’s he doing?” Riza asked. Her stomach tightened at the serious look on Chris’ face.

“He’s going to fake someone’s death using his flame alchemy.” There was no hesitation, she stated it as bluntly as she could.

“Oh…" Riza's heart thudded inside her chest at the revelation. "Wait.” Riza paused, something clicking inside of her mind. “Does this have anything to do with Maria Ross?”

It had been all over the papers for a few days. Apparently the soldier had killed Maes Hughes. Initially, Riza had scrutinised the photo and wondered how that woman could have taken someone else’s life. She’d been an exemplary soldier, according to the news, so why would she murder one of her own? The story didn’t quite add up for Riza, and it didn’t for Roy either.

They hadn’t spoken much about it. They didn’t get a chance really when Mia was around. However, he’d spent more time in his study in the evenings after Mia had gone to bed. Riza would pop her head in and ask if he needed anything, only to be greeted by a tired smile and the reassurance he was all right. She’d spotted Maes’ name on the papers in front of him, alongside Maria Ross', which Roy had quickly scribbled down then scored out. Riza knew he was investigating his friend’s death and was worried for him. Roy explained he couldn’t do it at work, so would spend an hour or two looking over things. Sometimes Riza offered her own input but couldn’t do much. She had a good eye for details but wasn’t in investigations. Still, she could be someone he could talk to about it all.

Chris nodded. “It does. He’s going to fake her death tonight.”

“How though?” Maria Ross was in prison. What was he up to?

“He’s staging a prison break and will “kill” her.” Chris used finger quotations to explain herself.

Riza swallowed.

“It’s all staged though, don’t worry. He has a dummy at the ready that I helped procure the ingredients for. Breda came to me with some things he needed, and I helped the operation along. Havoc will protect Ross and help get her out of the country.”

“So, why bring Mia and I here?”

“Roy asked if I could invite you for dinner, partly as a precaution but also because he probably felt guilty he wouldn’t be home tonight.”

Riza nodded, things falling into place. He had sounded regretful on the phone earlier when he said he wouldn’t be home.

“Why is us being out of the house a precaution?”

Chris shrugged. “Beats me, but I have a pretty good theory.”

“What is it?”

She regarded Riza quietly for a long moment, which only caused frustration to build.

“Chris, please. If my daughter is in some kind of danger then I deserve to know what it is.”

She eyed Riza once more before nodding. “There’s dangerous people roaming around Central right now. They each bear a matching tattoo. An Ouroboros tattoo. They’re tied to the military somehow, but we don’t know why yet.”

Ouroboros… Riza had seen that word mentioned before, years ago in an ancient history book. She was sure it had been in her father’s study. “What does the tattoo look like?” At the mention of a tattoo, her back tingled lightly as a reminder. She hadn’t discussed any form of tattoo with anyone in a long time. They weren’t popular around Amestris, so weren’t a regular topic of conversation.

“A snake eating its own tail.”

That definitely sounded familiar to Riza. She was sure she’d seen it on Roy’s desk at home, half-hidden by other pieces of paper.

“And these people pose a threat?”

Chris nodded. “We don’t know who they’re targeting, but yes, they do. Just be cautious, all right? Know that if you ever need anything, I’m just a call away as well.”

Riza sat back in her chair.

“I have no reason to believe they will contact you personally, however, just keep an eye out," Chris warned.

“I will,” she swallowed. She was still in a daze from all this new information. It was weighing on her heavily. If Roy was targeted by them, who was to say they wouldn’t use her or Mia to get to him? She shuddered at the thought.

“Roy Boy asked if I could at least fill you in on what was going on tonight, and promised he’d answer any questions you had as soon as possible,” Chris added. “He sent me a coded message earlier and then a quick call. I have the letter if you want to see it?”

Curiosity got the better of her, and Riza nodded.

As Chris left the room Riza remained in place, processing the information she’d been given tonight.

This was… big. Riza knew of his plan to get to the top and was well aware of everything that entailed now, but… Now it was _real_. He was taking steps here that, if found out, could get him court-martialled. Her stomach twisted. But she knew him, and she knew his team. They were smart as hell. And if Chris was on their side too, helping them along, it eased Riza’s worries a little bit.

“I also have this, if you could pass it onto him?” Chris handed her an envelope along with the piece of paper. The front was blank, giving nothing away. “More information for him.”

This was usual practice between them both. Over the years when Riza and Mia had gone to visit Chris and Roy’s sisters, messages in letters had been passed onto Riza to be delivered to Roy. Riza knew he’d been overreacting when he insisted on not getting her involved in anything. And she’d been right. What was so dangerous about picking up a handful of envelopes to hand over to her husband?

“I will.”

“I’ll get us a drink.” Chris excused herself and left Riza with Roy’s coded letter.

It was a story. There were various names on the paper, each one starting with a specific letter at the beginning. Those letters were used to spell out the words of his message. Riza didn’t bother to read the story he’d crafted. The message itself was all that held her attention at that moment.

_Jailbreak MR. Get Riza and Mia for dinner. Love both._

She smiled at the last part, her finger stroking over the paper.

Sometimes Riza would read the story just to see how he managed to fit it all together. Riza had tried it too in her spare time, leaving little notes for him in his office at home. Then he'd started doing it as well without a word of warning. His were far cuter than hers, with a message of ‘_I love you_’ left all over the house. Soon, it was common practice and they’d shown Mia how to do it too. Her messages weren’t long or complex, but it was just a bit of fun for the small family.

“He’s a dramatic one,” Chris snorted. “Jailbreak,” she muttered. “I don’t know where he got that flair from.”

Riza laughed. “He used to always tell me it was from you and wondered how I couldn’t see it.”

Chris shook her head and lifted her eyes to the ceiling. “He’s a strange one, that’s for sure.”

“He certainly knows how to keep us on our toes,” Riza murmured, turning her focus back to his letter.

“He didn’t want to speak to you about it over the phone, is my guess. Too many people potentially listening in.”

“I know,” Riza reassured her. “I just hope tonight goes well for all involved.”

“That fake corpse was perfectly constructed,” Chris replied, sipping at her water. Her cigarette was absent from her lips. “And Roy, having a flair for dramatics, will make sure it’s well presented.”

Riza’s stomach turned. “Where are they taking Maria?” she asked, trying to turn the conversation away from the “corpse”.

“No idea. That was need to know only.”

Humming in agreement, Riza took a sip of her own water.

“I had another reason for bringing you here tonight, Riza.”

“Oh?”

“You’ve expressed interest in the part of becoming a part-time informant.”

She nodded. “I have.”

“Have you ever been interested in working the floor? You can absolutely say no,” Chris added, lifting her hands in front of her to placate any objections. “All you’d have to do is sit and talk to people.”

Riza cocked her head and considered it. Then grimaced. “No. The whole reason for me to come and collect the messages from you and the girls was to stop people thinking Roy was cheating on me by going out on “dates” with them. What would happen if word got out at his place of work that his wife was cheating on him?”

“A fair point, and a very good answer,” Chris chipped in. “However, I suppose I worded that incorrectly. Let me rephrase that, would you be interested in talking to people to gather information rather than simply collecting messages?”

“In what way?”

“Military wives love to gossip. They come in every Friday night. While their husbands sit in the bar, we have a space for them to catch up and basically moan about their partners for a couple of hours. It’s in the back of the bar, in that room just off to the right as you go out.”

Riza had noticed the door there but hadn’t thought much more of it. She’d never been through there.

“Your upstart Colonel husband would be a good talking point for those ladies,” Chris ventured.

“Are you asking me to gossip about my husband?” Riza frowned.

“Not at all, but you would be welcomed into their social circle openly. Roy Boy is certainly making a name for himself, especially after coming to Central, and he’s a hot topic of conversation.”

Riza wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that. “Only good things, I hope?”

“Of course. Mostly because he’s a breath of fresh air with all the old stuffy military officials that usually frequent their company.”

She still wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that. “And I assume these conversations are all innocent?”

Chris shook her head. “Riza, all those women are old enough to be Roy’s mother,” she chuckled. “They dote on him because he’s a kind kid who's friendly and polite to everyone. Always the charmer," she snorted. "Vanessa very quickly put an end to any possible… _not_ so innocent thoughts. She went in there one Friday gushing about Roy’s beautiful wife and his adorable daughter.”

She laughed when Riza’s cheeks turned pink at the compliment, and Riza coughed to hide it.

“I’m not jealous,” Riza assured Chris. “I just don’t want pointless gossip to ruin his reputation.”

“If anything, they love your little family even more now. They ate it up. It’s the truth, of course, but they really do say nothing but good things, I promise. The girls covering the party make sure of it.” Chris sat back in her chair. “It was just an idea,” she relented. “Some other way for you to help. Military wives on a Friday night can be very animated, and I thought you stopping by would get them to open up even more. It’s completely up to yourself," she relented. "It can be a onetime thing or a regular occurrence. It was just something to try."

“I’ll consider it,” Riza stated carefully. She’d need to weigh her options and if she could find someone to look after Mia if Roy was working.

“That’s all I ask. Roy told me a while back you were interested in being an informant, and the idea occurred to me after that last Friday night.”

“What happened last Friday night?”

“Lots more _ooh_ing and _ah_ing over your perfect family,” she smirked. “Honestly, they eat it up Riza. You should come and see it for yourself someday.”

“Are you suggesting we’re not perfect,” Riza quipped, smiling over the rim of her glass.

“No one is perfect,” Chris replied with her own smirk. “But they are correct. You are a beautiful woman and Mia is extremely adorable.”

Chris guffawed while Riza mumbled her thanks at another compliment from her. She was sure Chris only did it because she got a kick out of it.

“Every word of that is the truth,” Chris stated assuredly. “Come on, let’s go and see what Mia’s up to. See if she’s tired out Vanessa yet,” she chuckled.

* * *

Mia was half asleep as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom. The offer to remain at Chris’ for the night was there, but Mia had school tomorrow morning so it would be easier for Riza to just take her home. Her mother-in-law had also offered Roxanne’s protection. While Riza appreciated it and welcomed the determined and eager look on Roxanne’s face, she politely declined the offer.

Riza had only been in bed for fifteen minutes or so before she heard the front door opening. Her body tensed in its half-asleep state, but relaxed when she heard Roy sigh from downstairs. Lights were turned off as he climbed the stairs. With heavy footsteps, he reached the top of the stairs but stopped outside Mia’s bedroom door. Riza heard it creak open as he checked in on her. The house turned silent as he did so.

Their bedroom door opened and Riza looked up. Like his footfalls suggested, he looked exhausted, but he still offered her a smile.

“Hi,” he greeted. Roy’s voice sounded a little hoarse as he spoke, discarding his military jacket over the back of the armchair on his side of the bed.

“Hey,” she smiled. “How did it go?”

“Everything went well. The plan went off without a hitch.”

Roy kicked his trousers off and placed it over his jacket on the chair. His shirt however was discarded into a pile on the floor, so he remained in only his boxers. Climbing into bed, Roy wrapped his arms around Riza tightly, giving her a squeeze. A kiss was pressed to her forehead and Riza sighed into it, her body relaxing now she knew that he was home.

“Maria is safe?”

Roy nodded. “On her way to Xerxes.”

“Xerxes? That’s quite a distance,” she commented, racking her brain to try and think how far through the desert that was.

“We’ve determined that whoever is behind it all is working throughout Amestris,” Roy yawned. “I wanted to be safe. I have some associates from Xing, and they’ll escort her there.”

“And are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled tiredly.

“Chris told me what you had to do with the… corpse.” Riza grimaced. Her tired mind couldn’t think of a better or more tactful way to word it.

“It was fine. I saved someone’s life tonight, that’s what matters,” he yawned again, but his expression quickly turned pained. “I did become the villain for doing it though.”

“How come?”

“Edward always seems to be in the wrong place at the right time,” he mumbled. “He saw me ‘killing’ Ross. I had no idea who was tailing him or if he was compromised so I had to go with the murder story.”

“I’m sorry, Roy.”

“It’s all right,” he sighed. “But thank you. The kid hates me for sure now,” Roy chuckled. “But he’ll be on his way to Xerxes soon enough too so he can find out the truth.” His eyelids fluttered closed.

Riza looked up as his eyelashes splayed across his cheeks and his face finally relaxed. The day’s events had been weighing on him, and she was loath to take up any more of his sleeping time.

“Get some rest, Roy,” she breathed, pressing a kiss to his lips.

He grunted softly in response, deepening the kiss for a moment. “Just what I needed to feel better,” he grinned. It was that dopey smile that he only showed when he was tired, and Riza loved it. “Plus, I’ll need it. Tomorrow will be another long day.” Then, she felt him pause. “There’s… something coming up in a few days. I anticipate we’ll need to go after one of the people with the Ouroboros tattoo. Can you go to my mother’s that night?”

“Is this something I should be concerned about?”

Roy shook his head. “No. And I mean it,” he added earnestly. “I really don’t anticipate anything like that coming your way, however, it would give me peace of mind to know you’re all together.”

“You know I can handle myself,” she quipped lightly.

“I don’t doubt it for a second,” he replied, pressing a kiss to her forehead again. “But until I know exactly what I’m dealing with and how to handle it, it would let me breathe easier if I knew my pregnant wife and my daughter were under my mother’s protection. She has a whole labyrinth of tunnels underneath her bar. If the wrong people come knocking then you can hide under there and I’ll come when it’s safe.”

“The wrong people, huh?”

He nodded. “The Ouroboros gang,” he drawled. “Keep an eye out for anyone with that tattoo by the way. I have a picture of it in my office. I’ll show you it tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry, your mother already explained it to me.”

His eyelids drifted closed again and Riza smiled. She lifted a hand to caress his face lightly with her fingers. He flinched in fright but turned his head to press a kiss to her palm.

“Get some sleep,” she prompted.

“You said that before then distracted me,” he grumbled.

“I can take that kiss back,” she joked, moving out of his hold. This caused him to latch onto her torso even tighter.

“Please don’t,” he begged. “I’m sorry,” he gushed dramatically.

“Go to sleep, Roy. I love you.”

He hummed with a smile. “Love you too.”


	24. you are always here with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! sorry it's been a while for this next chapter. life started to get a little more hectic there, and will be from now on! so i'll try get updates out as often as i can, but it may be anywhere between 1-2 weeks, maybe even longer, before they're uploaded.
> 
> also, if any revelations about characters (ie what the homunculi really are) are revealed earlier in this story than they are in canon, remember this is an au and canon divergence, so i'm taking a little bit here and there to work with the story. because if i wrote a fanfic that was exactly the same as canon then what would be the point, right? ;D we could just go watch/read it instead! that being said, i've tried to keep it relatively close because that's what i wanted to do but sometimes things need tweaked here and there in aus!
> 
> anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. see you for the next one and thank you always for reading!!
> 
> song for this chapter: susie suh – here with me

## 1914

** _so many miles between us now_ **

** _but you are always here with me_ **

Riza took Mia to Chris’ once more, on the day Roy was going after the people with the Ouroboros tattoo. Her heart felt like it was constantly in her throat throughout the day, and there was a lead weight nestled uncomfortably in her stomach with her worry for what “going after” these people would entail, but she knew Roy and his team would be able to handle it.

“We’re going to Grandma’s again?” Mia asked as they walked to Chris’ after school.

“We are. Remember, Dad is working late tonight, so I thought it would be fun for the two of us to go and visit.”

“Oh, yay! I do like Grandma’s cooking. What are we having for dinner?”

“Steak pie.”

Mia gasped excitedly. “With mashed potatoes?”

When Riza confirmed it, Mia skipped happily alongside Riza, their joined hands swinging high in the air between them.

Rebecca was meeting them there too. It had been a while since they caught up with one another, so she would come after work and sneak in the back. She and Chris got on extremely well. It was fascinating to watch and made Riza wonder if Rebecca would ever venture into the same business as Chris Mustang. It certainly seemed like it would be a possibility, but Rebecca was also content in the military.

As the evening wore on and there was no news from the team, Riza became more antsy. She knew they would be _fine_, but it didn’t settle her nerves. At least she didn’t have to worry completely about Roy. He was holed up in one of Fuery’s safehouses, directing the plan of attack. However, her worry for her friends still unsettled her, and it turned out her worry was warranted.

They were all having dinner with Chris when the phone rang in the background. Vanessa entered the dining area.

“What?” Chris’ question was sharp as she stood from her chair.

Riza’s fork was halfway to her lips when Venessa entered, but was now poised in mid-air, frozen. Her thoughts were no longer on the piece of food though because Vanessa’s gaze wasn’t directed at Chris. She was completely focussed on Riza. Her expression looked slightly pained. Her perfectly painted lips were pressed into a thin line, her eyes worried.

“It’s Falman on the phone,” she whispered. “He - He wants to speak to you, Riza,” she added, clearing her throat to make her voice stronger. “It’s about Roy.”

“What happened?” Rebecca asked from Riza’s side. She too had risen from her chair. However, where Chris had stopped in her tracks, Rebecca pressed forward to get the information she needed. Always the practical and efficient soldier. 

But… He’d been in the safehouse. No one knew its location, so he was going to be safe… Riza’s mind was stopped in its tracks as images assaulted her mind. Roy, lying on the floor, bloody, while an unknown threat stood over him. Roy, buried in the ground like Maes…

Riza stood and passed by Chris and Rebecca, ignoring what they were talking about. Taking a deep breath, she lifted the phone to her ear.

“This is Riza.” Her greeting felt like it needed to be forced out of her throat. She held her breath, waiting to see what news Falman would give her.

“Riza,” Falman answered. He sounded regretful. It caused her to grip the phone tighter. “It’s Warrant Officer Falman here. We’re at the hospital with Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Havoc. There’s been an incident, and the two have sustained some injuries.”

“Is he all right?”

“The Colonel is stable,” Falman answered. “The doctor is in the room just now with him. We’re outside while we wait, and this has also been the first opportunity to call. Once the doctor comes out, we’ll have a better idea of how he is then. Lieutenant Havoc is in a similar position.”

Riza nodded. Fear gripped her heart and the weight in her stomach that had made itself comfortable was now churning inside, making her feel slightly ill. 

“Okay.” Her voice caught in her throat. “I’ll be there soon. What room?”

He gave her the details she needed then bid her a quick farewell.

“Roy and Havoc have been hurt in an incident,” Riza announced quietly to the room. Rebecca froze, simply staring at Riza, while Vanessa gasped. Chris took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Falman doesn’t know yet how they’re doing, but he said they were stable.”

“I’ll watch Mia tonight,” Chris told her, glancing to her right where Mia was playing with her Aunt Roxy in the family area, through a door ahead of them. Mia laughed happily, lifting the toy car into the air, completely oblivious to the mood of the room not ten feet away from her. “You look after yourself and him, all right?”

“Right,” Riza nodded, swallowing past the lump in her throat. She grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair.

“Keep us updated,” Chris added.

Riza’s stomach was tying itself in knots at the unknown. She didn’t know what to expect. Surely, though, if it had been fatal, Falman would have either come in person, or told her immediately over the phone… Right?

_He has to be okay._

“Come on,” Rebecca urged, shrugging on her military jacket. “I’ll drive you there.”

“Thank you,” Riza replied, grateful for her friend.

The drive was tense, both clearly worried about what would face them when they arrived at the hospital. Riza’s stomach was roiling still, not giving her any reprieve. The lovely dinner Chris had prepared was threatening to make an appearance again. Quietly, she hoped and _prayed_ that he’d be all right. Tipping her head back against the headrest, Riza closed her eyes and tried to calm herself.

“Thank you for driving me,” Riza murmured, breaking the silence that had been suffocating her. “I know you were expecting a stress-free night –”

“Of course, Riza,” Rebecca interrupted, eyes never straying from the road. “I wasn’t going to make you walk.”

“I know, but still, I appreciate it.” Riza stole a quick glance at Rebecca, noticing how tightly she was gripping the steering wheel. Her eyes were hard, brows furrowed into a frown. At first, Riza had thought it was in concentration, but she bit her lip. There was a hint of concern in there too…

“_Roy and Havoc have been hurt in an incident._”

Havoc… She remembered seeing him and Rebecca sneaking out at the military ball a few years ago. Riza hoped for both their sakes, their men were all right.

* * *

Riza walked as quickly as she could up the corridor of the hospital. It felt like she couldn’t move fast enough, like it took them both forever to walk the length of the ward. Riza’s eyes scanned every board in every doorway, looking for her husband’s name, but never found it.

“Can I help you?” a nurse asked kindly.

“I’m looking for my husband,” Riza quickly answered. “Colonel Roy Mustang.”

The petite woman cocked her head for a second in thought, then nodded, ushering the two women forward. “He’s further along. Follow me, I’ll take you there.”

“What happened to him?” Riza asked.

The nurse turned and looked at Riza over her shoulder, her face full of sympathy. It did nothing to alleviate her worry or the dread settling over her. “I’m afraid I don’t know all the details,” she replied. “However, I just saw the doctor leave, so you’ll be able to get more information from her once she’s written up a report of their condition. The Colonel’s men are there too. They haven’t left his side since he was admitted,” she added, giving Riza a comforting smile. “He’s been in good hands.”

“We were told there was a Jean Havoc admitted too,” Rebecca cut in. “Any news on him?”

“Afraid not,” the woman replied, shaking her head. “But they’re in the same room. Once I drop you off, I’ll go and find the doctor so you can get a proper answer,” she offered with a reassuring smile.

Riza watched as her friend’s face fell slightly, the concern replacing the hope in her eyes. Riza grasped Rebecca’s hand tightly and gave it a squeeze.

The relationship between Havoc and Rebecca was a mystery to Riza. They’d slept together the night of the ball, when Riza had met the team, but whenever pressed about it, Rebecca would shrug and tell her they were “keeping it casual”. After a few weeks, there was no more mention of their relationship, so Riza dropped it. They still seemed close though, every time they were in the same space… Perhaps there was more going on than Riza thought, but for whatever reason, they were keeping it to themselves. Not that it was any of Riza’s business. Rebecca was clearly worried, though, which led Riza to believe there _was_ more going on than she thought. She gave Rebecca’s hand another squeeze for comfort, which she returned this time.

Entering the hospital room, Riza stopped in her tracks. Roy was unconscious in the bed. His skin looked pale but covered in sweat. His face looked slightly pained, even in sleep. The nurse had explained they were both sleeping still, but they could get a quick look inside and see them. Havoc was in the bed next to him, his face much more relaxed. He looked almost peaceful. His face was turned towards the door with the blonde mop atop his head falling over his eyes.

“Riza,” Falman greeted. He’d been leaning against the wall opposite the door, next to Havoc’s bed, with one foot propped against the white paint. When he saw Riza, that foot dropped, and he stood straight. He wasn’t in his uniform. He wore grey trousers and a green pullover.

Fuery was also in the room, sitting next to Roy’s bed, but also not in his military garb. He was dressed in black trousers and a plain white t-shirt. He stood when they entered, his eyes sympathetic. “Here, takes a seat,” he offered, but Riza ignored him. Not on purpose. She didn’t even hear his kind offer. Riza only had eyes for her husband.

“What happened?” Her voice was barely above a whisper. Out the corner of her eye, she noticed the two men shift in place, sharing a look with each other. “Please don’t keep things from me,” she added, her voice gaining strength. She looked at both in turn, her eyes daring them to do it.

“He was stabbed,” Fuery explained after taking a deep breath, but his voice was still quiet.

Riza froze, but before she did, she noticed they were watching her carefully, gauging her reaction.

“It was by the ones who are trying to stop him, isn’t it? The ones you went after tonight?” As she stood there, her body had become slightly numb – Roy had been _stabbed_ – but she needed information and she needed it now. She wouldn’t sit at the side, helpless anymore.

Her eyes returned to Roy, scanning his body for anything that looked out of the ordinary. There was nothing obvious she could see, except his clammy skin. Her fingers looped into his, gripping them tightly. Even his palm was sweating, but his touch was cool.

“It was, yes,” Falman replied. His tone was firm and sincere.

Taking a deep breath, she let it out shakily and felt her body tremble. _He’s alive_. She didn’t know what condition Roy was in, but he was breathing, and right now, that’s what mattered to her the most. _One step at a time._

“What about Havoc?” Riza asked, glancing over at the blonde Lieutenant.

“Stabbed too,” Falman replied. “By the same person.”

“Who?” Rebecca hadn’t looked at anyone else but hadn’t moved any closer to his bed. It was almost as if she wanted to but was holding back.

The two men shared a look. Fuery nodded, and Falman answered Rebecca’s question.

“It was a creature called a homunculus,” he explained. “They’re synthetically made humans, powered by a Philosopher’s Stone.”

“Synthetically made?” Rebecca sounded doubtful, and Riza didn’t blame her.

Falman nodded. “The Colonel told us before he passed out that their attacker was called Lust. Alphonse confirmed it. We met Gluttony earlier on in the night,” he added, nodding towards Fuery. “There are seven deadly sins, so we’re assuming there’s seven homunculi.”

“The Colonel and I dealt with Gluttony earlier,” Fuery piped up. After he spoke, Riza noticed for the first time how off he sounded. His voice sounded hoarse.

“Are you all right, Fuery?”

“Fine, Ma’am,” he replied. Despite her reassurances, he still insisted on being so formal with her. “Gluttony got me for a second, but the Colonel saved my life,” he stated, glancing towards Roy. Riza did the same. “I was being strangled and the Colonel saved me.” He looked up at Riza, his eyes earnest. “I’ll be forever grateful to him for it.”

_He’d left the safehouse early that evening..._

“Yeah,” a new, raspy voice chipped in. “The bastard is crazy for pulling that stunt.” All heads whipped around to face Jean Havoc as he groaned in pain, lifting a hand to his head. “Fuck, it hurts.”

“Lieutenant Havoc!” Fuery cried out in relief, his voice cracking. He stood from his chair, expression happy and with a grin.

“You’re all right,” Falman smiled.

“Of course, I am,” Havoc grumbled. “No bitch with freaky nails is going to take me out so easily,” he grumped, trying to shift in place, but he couldn’t go far. Falman approached quickly and helped him. Out of the corner of her eye, Riza noticed Rebecca step forward, then hesitate.

“Welcome back, Sir,” Fuery grinned.

Riza was relieved. That was one patient awake and accounted for. Now, they just needed Roy to wake up.

Havoc opened his eyes blearily and properly looked around the room, tensing when he noticed both Riza and Rebecca were there too. However, his attention was on the latter.

“Rebecca.” Havoc sounded like he couldn’t believe she was there. His eyes widened slightly, his tone taking on a wondrous quality.

“Good to see you awake, Havoc,” Rebecca replied. Her tone was firm, but there was relief in there too. Riza scrutinised her friend closely. It certainly looked like she wanted to say more but held herself back. Again.

“Thank you,” Havoc replied, a soft smile on his face.

There was _definitely_ more than meets the eye there.

A knock on the door interrupted any further conversation. A head poked through the door. “My name is Doctor Jones,” the woman introduced. “Is now a good time to talk?”

Riza nodded. “Please,” she almost pleaded.

The others in the room had eased her worries for a brief moment, however now that the doctor was here and she could get some answers on Roy’s condition, the uncomfortable knot in her stomach returned. It twisted painfully as she became anxious.

“Good to see you’re awake, Lieutenant Havoc. I will go over the extent of your injuries with you now, if you’d like?”

“Uh, later,” he replied. “Yeah, do it alter,” he muttered. He lifted another hand to his head and rubbed one of his temples.

“All right,” the doctor nodded. She flipped the page over on her chart and turned to the expectant faces. “Colonel Mustang will make a full recovery.” That was all Riza needed to hear. The grip on her husband’s hand tightened subconsciously and Riza felt her knees shake. She straightened them, forcing herself to remain upright in her relief. “He lost a lot of blood, so that’s why he hasn’t woken up yet. His body is still healing from the wound he sustained, but we anticipate he will wake tomorrow morning, at the latest.”

“What wound?”

The Doctor paused and met Riza’s eyes. “Are you his wife?”

“I am,” she confirmed with a nod.

“A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Mustang. If you would walk with me outside, I can give you the full report?”

“Whatever you have to say can be said in front of the people here,” she explained to the doctor. Roy’s men were just as important to him, and if they knew the full extent of his injuries, they’d be able to help him in the field once he recovered. “I don’t mind.”

The doctor paused, looking around the room at their faces, then nodded. “Of course, Ma’am. The burn wound on the skin will heal nicely.” _Burn wound?_ “One thing to be wary of is infection, so we will monitor it closely and keep him in for longer than we normally would with this kind of injury. There will be a large scar, however, but it shouldn’t affect his physical movements too much with the correct amount of physical therapy. That, of course, will be established once the wound has healed significantly.”

“Okay, thank you.” If possible, even more questions were swirling around Riza’s head. The men had said he’d been stabbed, so where had this burn wound come from?

When she voiced that thought out loud after the doctor left them, they all looked as clueless as her, except from one soldier lying in a bed similar to Roy. His eyes were on his legs and didn’t lift.

“Lieutenant Havoc?” Fuery prompted, noticing his silence and his posture like Riza had.

“He…” Havoc swallowed. “He tried to use the homunculi’s stone to heal me, after I was stabbed. She reformed around it and then stabbed _him _with her nails. Then, he…”

“What?” Riza asked fearfully. She was glad Fuery had lifted a chair over to her. She still hadn’t let go of Roy’s hand, and refused to do so, but now she was sitting down by his bedside, she knew she wouldn’t fall as her knees shook.

“He cauterised his own wound closed so he could do the same for me, then go and get help.” Riza’s heart thudded in her chest as Havoc’s hands fisted in the bedsheets. “Crazy bastard,” he spat bitterly, but Riza saw in his expression there was a lot of love and respect there for Roy “Should’ve left me and just gotten out, but he didn’t.”

“He’d never leave a man behind, and you know that,” Fuery replied gently.

“But he didn’t need to do _this_ to himself,” Havoc challenged, gesturing towards the man lying unconscious in the bed. “He didn’t need to burn himself just so he could get me help. I didn’t mind him doing it to me. It saved my life,” Havoc continued. “But…” He let out a _tsk_ and turned his head away.

“He did it to help Alphonse, too,” Flaman supplied. “Respectfully, Sir, you know as well as I do that he would rather die than leave you behind. He’d never forgive himself if he did.”

Havoc scoffed again, but from his expression and posture, Havoc knew Falman was right.

After witnessing the exchange, Riza glanced down at her husband. He’d put himself in danger to try and save Havoc. He… Riza felt tears creep up and into her eyes. He _was_ crazy, but Falman was right. Roy would never have forgiven himself if he left Havoc behind. And what had happened to Alphonse? Was he all right? Was Edward?

“Oh, Roy,” she whispered quietly as the rest of the room continued to discuss what had happened, but Riza had heard enough for the moment. She just wanted Roy to come back to her.

He had been reckless, and that terrified her. She could have lost him today. Again.

_It’s the nature of his job_.

Riza knew that, and understood that, but it didn’t mean she had to like it. She shut her eyes briefly, then opened them, a small smile appearing on her face. She brushed his fringe off his forehead gently, shifting the hair that was almost identical to Mia’s.

He would do anything for those he cared about, and while that comforted Riza, it also scared her to death. Still… He was alive. He was breathing.

_He’s going to recover_.

She took another deep breath and got comfortable, settling into her chair as she listened to the team discuss things further behind her.

* * *

“Would you like a lift home?” Falman offered Riza before she left for the night.

She shook her head. “Thank you, but Rebecca has already offered to take me home.”

“Not a problem.” He paused for a moment, suddenly unsure about something. “Give me a call when you get home, just so I know you’re safe.” He handed over a piece of paper with his number on it. “The Colonel made us promise to look out for you if he was unable to,” Falman explained further. “Despite that promise, I’d request this of you regardless. I know you’ll be with Lieutenant Catalina but just… if you could let me know. Please.”

“I will. Thank you.” She was touched by his care and concern.

“And let us know if there’s anything you need, okay, Ma’am?” Fuery piped up, appearing from behind Falman. “Just give the office a call any time and we’ll be over as soon as we can.”

Riza appreciated all their concerns. It was nice to know the backup was there if she needed it, but she’d be fine. She just wanted to get home and hug her daughter.

Ideally, she would have stayed in the hospital until Roy woke up, but the nurses said she couldn’t. Had she just been by herself, Riza may have fought it, but the stress of the situation, combined with her pregnancy, had left her feeling exhausted. Sleeping on chairs in the hospital was far from ideal for her and the baby, plus she’d sworn to herself after the fall she’d do everything in her power to protect her baby. Sleeping uncomfortably wasn’t the way to do that.

“Where’s Daddy?” Mia asked, brow furrowing when she noticed Riza had come home by herself. Chris had taken Mia to their house and gotten her settled for bed, but apparently their daughter refused to go to sleep until her mother came home. Her eyes were drooping as she greeted them, but Riza knew she would be fighting like hell to stay awake.

Chris glanced towards Riza, her mouth parting, but hesitated. She wasn’t sure what to tell Mia, and was leaving it up to Riza, which she appreciated. However, she’d never lied to her little girl before about what was happening in her life. Riza didn’t hold back about Maes and she couldn’t lie and pretend her father was okay when he wasn’t.

“How about I take you up to bed, Mia?” Riza offered. “You must be sleepy.”

“I’m not,” she argued, but she rubbed her eye at the same time.

Chuckling, Riza pressed a hand to the top of Mia’s head, ruffling her hair. “Let’s go.”

Mia grumbled, sounding so much like her father, and trudged through to the hall to walk up the stairs.

“Thank you for looking after her.” Riza waited until Mia was out of earshot before speaking, but also kept her voice low.

“Don’t mention it,” Chris waved away. “Is he all right?”

Riza swallowed. “He’s been stabbed.” Speaking it out loud made her tongue feel like lead. “He –” Riza cleared her throat. Retelling what happened made it a lot more frightening. “Havoc has also been stabbed. Roy cauterised the wound so he could help Havoc, and then go and assist Alphonse.”

“Where did this happen?” Chris asked.

Riza shook her head. “I don’t know. No one mentioned it.”

“I’ll do some digging myself,” Chris nodded. “See if I can find out what’s going on.”

“That would be great, thank you.” Relief settled in her bones. Again, it was a large comfort to have that backup behind her.

“Get some rest, Riza.” Chris pulled her in for a quick hug, which Riza returned eagerly. She took solace in the gesture, drawing on Chris’ strength. She would need it until Roy was awake and able to tell her he was okay.

After a quick call to Falman, Riza locked up the house and went to see her daughter.

“Mia?”

Riza entered Mia’s room quietly. There was movement in the bed and Riza closed the door behind her.

“Mummy?” Her voice was so small and quiet. Riza almost ran over to her there and then. Hayate was already by her side, curled between Mia and the wall next to her bed.

“I’m here, Sweetie.”

“Where’s Daddy?”

Riza climbed into Mia’s bed and pulled the sheet over them both. Instantly Mia cuddled into Riza’s side and it was a welcome feeling. Wrapping her arms around her daughter, Riza settled into the bed to get comfortable. She would sleep in there that night, Riza decided. She wouldn’t be able to sleep in their bed without Roy there. Riza would just toss and turn all night but she’d need to be at one hundred percent to deal with tomorrow and to visit Roy again.

Bracing herself for the reaction, Riza gave Mia a squeeze.

“Now, I know you’re going to feel scared and upset when I tell you, but I’m right here for you okay?”

Mia nodded. Her eyes were wide with fear.

“Daddy’s in the hospital.”

Mia’s body jerked up and out of her arms. “Is he hurt?” Despite the blatant fear, her voice was steady and even.

Riza nodded. “He is a bit hurt, but he’s in the hospital so the doctors can make him feel better.”

“Why?” Mia’s voice wavered.

Riza observed her as she spoke, noticing how scared she looked. However, she didn’t cry. There were no tears in her eyes. Riza had mentioned it to Roy before, and he’d proclaimed that was because she was so like her mother. Roy was adamant about that fact, stating their little girl was so brave because she’d spent so much time watching and learning from Riza. But she was still a child. She didn’t need to know someone had tried to kill her father.

“He’s okay right now, I promise,” she soothed Mia, cupping her face in her hands. “He’s doing really well, and he will be all better soon. The doctor told me that herself. Dad has a lot of very good people looking after him.”

“Did you see him? Is that why you disappeared?”

Riza nodded. She should have known Mia would pick up on that, no matter how much Chris tried to reassure her. “I did. He wasn’t awake yet, but the Doctor was very happy with how he’s doing. Daddy is doing a lot of resting right now.”

Mia was silent once Riza finished speaking. Opening her arms, Riza didn’t even get a chance to gesture properly for Mia to hug her. Before she could, Mia launched herself at her mother. Her fingertips dug into Riza’s back, desperate for comfort.

“He’ll be fine,” Riza murmured, running her hands through Mia’s hair. “Dad will be home before you know it.”

“I want him home now.” Mia’s fingers dug in deeper to Riza’s skin, and Riza felt the same sentiment.

“I do too, Bear. It will be a little while. He has to get better first, but he will be soon.”

“I don’t like the hospital,” Mia muttered.

That surprised Riza. “Why not?”

“Because that means people are hurt and I don’t like it when you or Dad are hurt.”

Riza swallowed. “I know,” Riza reasoned. “I don’t either. However, it’s important for him to be there because that’s where people go to get better. Dad’s in the best place right now.”

Mia removed her arms from around Riza and placed them on the mattress. She pushed up, moving to her knees, and looked Riza right in the eye.

“Do you think a cuddle will make him feel better so he can come home quicker?”

Riza chuckled. She couldn’t help it. Her little girl was so sweet. Riza cupped her cheek gently. “It will definitely make him feel better. He might not be able to come home quicker, but it will make him extremely happy.”

“Okay,” Mia sighed. Her body flopped down onto the bed. Mia would take that compromise, so long as her hug made Roy feel better.

“Do you want to go and see him tomorrow after school? Then you can give him his feel-better hug?”

Mia bit her lip, then glanced over to her mother. “Can we?”

“Of course,” Riza reassured her. “But sleep first. The sooner you sleep, the sooner you can go see Dad.”

“Okay.” Mia curled back into Riza’s side. She placed a hand on her daughter’s head, running her hand through her hair one last time before bending to kiss the top of her head.

“Get some sleep, Mia Bear. I love you, and so does Dad.”

“I love you both too, Mummy,” Mia yawned, her voice already clouded with sleep.


	25. just come back to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> song for this chapter: trading yesterday – come back to me

**1914**

** _if i hold out my hand_ **

** _would it change where you're standing now_ **

** _just come back to me_ **

Mia gripped Riza’s hand tightly as they walked up the corridor to Roy’s room. When Riza called that morning, the nurse had said there was no change overnight, but Roy had been given enough medication to keep him asleep so his body could heal. After her call, Roy had awoken in the morning however by the time Riza had arrived after dropping Mia off at school, he was sleeping once more. Riza didn’t mind too much, so long as he was getting the rest he needed.

During the day, his condition had improved and Riza had called ahead after Mia finished school, checking if it would be okay for them to visit. She was reassured that it would be all right, but the nurses weren’t sure if he’d be awake or not. Riza would love for him to be awake for Mia, however she understood that he needed to sleep to heal. She just wanted to speak to him to hear his voice.

“Just be quiet when you go in,” Riza explained, placing a hand on Mia’s back as she guided her towards the door. “Dad’s okay,” she reassured her daughter. “He’s just been sleeping a lot, so we need to try not to wake him before he’s ready.”

After a soft knock, Havoc called for them to enter and Riza did so. Mia hesitated, but with another gentle prompt from Riza, she tentatively stepped into the room, taking tiny steps forward. Riza walked patiently behind her, her hand remaining on Mia’s back as a source of comfort.

“Hi, Riza,” Havoc smiled at her, then his expression softened when he saw Mia. They hadn’t met before, but Roy had told them both tales of their antics at the office, so at least Mia knew him by name.

Mia took one look at her father’s bed then moved to grip Riza’s hand tightly.

“And you must be Mia,” Havoc greeted, grinning widely at Mia.

She nodded. “That’s my name.”

“My name is Havoc.”

“Havoc…” Mia muttered to herself, trying to figure out where she’d heard it before.

“Dad’s told us stories about Havoc before, remember?” Riza prompted her daughter further forward into the room as she was lost in thought.

Riza glanced across at Roy, noting how he was still asleep. His skin didn’t look as pale as it had that morning and there was a lot less sweat. In fact, his skin looked its normal colour, and dry. The dark circles that had been present underneath his eyes had eased, looking less like black eyes. Her tensed shoulders relaxed, dropping in her relief. When Riza glanced back towards Havoc, he caught her eye and shot her a sympathetic smile.

“Stories?” Havoc raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them. “Were they funny stories? Good stories? I hope they were,” he winked.

Mia paused, but then she nodded. On her own accord, she took a step towards Havoc. “They were funny stories. He told us about the time you all met Hayate.”

There was a wide smile on her face and Riza’s shoulders relaxed a little more. At least she wasn’t scared to step inside the room anymore.

“Oh yeah.” Havoc rubbed his chin in thought. “How’s the little pup?”

“He’s the best!” Mia took a few more steps forward and walked right up to Havoc’s bed with more confidence. “He’s my best friend. We play together all the time. He’s so much fun!”

“I’m glad,” Havoc smiled down at her. “It sounds like you’ve found a great friend, Mia.”

“I have,” she beamed happily. Mia paused, looking left and down to Havoc’s legs. “Were you hurt like my Dad?” Suddenly, as if remembering where she was, her head whipped around, and she looked at Roy in the bed. “Wait, Dad…”

Riza watched Mia, noticing how she took a tiny step backwards, her back hitting against the edge of Havoc’s bed. She looked scared.

Havoc had opened his mouth to answer Mia’s question, but promptly closed it, sensing the sudden drop of the mood in the room.

“It’s all right, Mia,” Riza murmured. “He’s fine, just asleep. See?” Riza sat on the chair beside Roy’s bed, taking his hand in hers and gripping on tightly.

Mia’s eyes were wide and almost frightened as they looked her father over.

“He’s fine,” Havoc reassured them. “A bit grumpy about being stuck in here, but he’s okay. Nothing will beat down you’re ol’ Dad so easily.”

“Have you spoken to him?” Mia turned and looked up at him, eyes wide and earnest.

“I have,” Havoc nodded. “Spoke to him earlier. He’s sore, but he’s fine. He’d much rather be at home with you and your mother, though.”

Mia looked back at Roy. Her steps forward were nervous and it broke Riza’s heart. She wanted to walk around to the other side of the bed to encourage her forward, had even shifted forward in her chair, ready to stand up, but she was frozen for the moment, simply watching her daughter. Riza’s chest tightened as she watched uncertainty and worry spread across her daughter’s face.

“Go on, Mia.” Havoc nudged her back gently. When Mia turned to look at him, he nodded and grinned at her. “He’s been desperate to see you. Waiting very patiently,” Havoc grinned. “Give his hand a squeeze to let him know you’re here.”

Riza watched the exchange and the tight knot in her stomach lessened slightly. As much as she would have preferred _no one_ to be in the hospital, a tiny part of Riza was glad Roy and Havoc were together and weren’t alone in all of this. It may have been selfish on her part, but at least they both had company.

Mia stepped right up to Roy’s bedside. After a moment’s hesitation, she reached out and gripped his hand tightly. She jumped as soon as they made contact, retracting her hand an inch, but then moving it back.

“There you go, Kid.” Havoc smiled at Mia then settled back into his bed comfortably.

Mia gripped Roy’s hand tightly. “I’m glad he’s okay,” she whispered.

“Oh, he’ll be out of here in no time,” Havoc enthused cheerily. “Just you wait. Dad will be back to playing with you at the park sooner than you know it.”

Riza shot him an appreciative smile. His eyes were closed, head tilted up towards the ceiling, but Riza still did it.

“He will?” Mia looked across at her mother, but never let go of Roy’s hand. “Can we go to the park when he gets out of hospital, Mum? I really enjoyed it the last time!” She bounced on the spot.

“I did too. But we’ll have to see how Dad’s feeling first, okay? If he’s too sore, he won’t be able to, but once he’s better, of course we can.”

“Oh, yay,” Mia whispered excitedly. She squeezed her father’s hand then leaned forward. “Daddy, you have to get better soon, okay? Because they just put new swings in at the park. Jake told me about them at school today and I can’t wait to have a go on them!”

The two adults laughed quietly at her request.

“I’m sure he’ll do his best, Kid.” Havoc opened one eye to speak, then made himself comfortable again.

“So, _did_ you get hurt like my Daddy?” Mia’s enquiry was innocent as she regarded Havoc. Apparently she hadn’t forgotten about her earlier question.

“I did, yeah,” he coughed. Riza’s stomach tensed, afraid Mia may have crossed a boundary somewhere, but as she opened her mouth to reply, Havoc intercepted. “Your Dad saved my life.”

“Wow.” Mia was in awe. “He really _is_ a hero, Mummy!”

Riza shot her a tight smile. “He is.” Then, she turned to face Havoc. “How are you doing?”

He just shrugged. “Okay. Just waiting on test results. The boring stuff,” he quipped. “Not much else I can do until then.” He jerked his head over towards Roy. “He was awake for a bit a few hours ago. Kept asking about you, but they put another dose of morphine in his system. It might wear off soon though, so you might get to speak to him.”

Riza nodded and as if on cue, there was a quiet groan from Roy’s bed. Mother and daughter’s eyes snapped towards it, noticing how his face took on a grimace of pain. Roy’s legs twitched underneath the sheet, moved slightly, then came to rest. After a deep sigh, his face relaxed again.

“Daddy?” Mia called quietly, that fear back in her voice. She squeezed his hand even tighter, leaning forward eagerly. She peered over the bed at her father, rising up onto her tiptoes.

Roy’s eyebrows twitched then raised as he prepared to open his eyes. When his lids did bat open, Mia gasped loudly. Riza felt the knot in her stomach loosen completely and disappear when she set her sights on his dark eyes once more. All her worries melted away for the moment as Mia bounced excitedly across from her and a quiet squeak of happiness left her.

“Mia?” His tone was groggy as he tried to wake up. His head turned to the side and a pained breath left him as he tried to move in the bed.

“It’s me, Daddy!” she cried happily. “I came to see you!”

Finally, his eyes focussed, and Roy saw Mia grinning at his bedside. “Hey, Mia Bear,” he smiled tiredly. His voice was weak, but his tired smile was still happy, and that was all Riza needed to see to make her worries disappear.

His head rolled in his exhaustion, turning to face Riza. Blearily, his eyes opened, and he looked directly at Riza. She shot him a smile, squeezing his hand tightly.

“Riza?”

Her name was just a breath that left him, but it still made her heart soar inside her chest. Tears sprang from her eyes, but they didn’t fall. She was just so happy he was awake.

“You’re here too?” His voice was strained, but it was music to her ears to hear it again.

“Of course,” she smiled. As if she would be anywhere else. Riza kept a tight grip on his hand and felt his fingers twitch in response.

“Hey,” he greeted softly, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

“Oh, I’m so happy you’re awake!” Mia’s cry drew his attention away from Riza.

“Mia, give Dad a few minutes,” Riza told her gently. Her excitement was palpable and Riza felt the same way, but he needed a moment. “He still needs to wake up a little bit.”

Mia dropped off her tiptoes and bit her lip. Riza’s smile dropped when she let go of Roy’s hand. Her stomach became heavy and dread settled in there as Mia stepped backwards. Their daughter quickly rounded the bed and wrapped her arms around her mother’s side. She hugged Riza tightly, her fingers digging into her skin.

“I’m all right, Mia Bear,” Roy reassured her quickly. He didn’t sound it. His voice was raspy and nothing like it was normally, however the smile was. It was loving and reassuring, like he was ready to get up and out of bed to fight off whatever was scaring their daughter.

Riza placed a hand on Mia’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. When she heard her sniff, Riza let go of Roy’s hand and pulled Mia onto her lap.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Mia whispered, cuddling into Riza as her breath hitched. She pressed her face against her mother’s chest, half hiding her face. “I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“No! Mia, no, you’re fine,” Roy reassured her. He struggled to sit up but didn’t have the strength within him.

“Mia,” Riza soothed, wrapping her arms around their daughter. “Remember… Remember when you wake up in the morning?” Riza rocked her back and forth. “And you need a little minute to yourself before you wake up properly?”

Mia hesitated but still nodded.

“Well so do we.” Riza pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Daddy has been on some medicine that makes him _extra_ sleepy, so needs a little more time, okay? That’s all.”

“I’m very happy to see you and Mum,” Roy smiled. It was tired, but it reached right up to his eyes. It was completely genuine. “Seeing you both has already made me feel so much better, I promise you.”

“Okay,” Mia whispered. Her face peeled slowly away from Riza’s chest.

“Can I get a hug?” Roy opened his arms to her. They shook slightly with fatigue as he helped them out, but they never dipped.

Mia paused, glancing up at her mother.

“Be careful when you climb up, okay?”

She nodded and approached the bed slowly. As soon as Roy’s hands were gently placed upon her shoulders, Mia rushed forwards. She hugged her father tightly, trying to move as close to him as she could.

“I’m so glad you’re all right,” Mia whispered into his bicep as she cuddled in close.

* * *

“Mrs. Mustang!”

Riza turned at the sound of a shout, and saw Edward and Alphonse hurrying up the hall behind her.

“Ed! Al!” Mia gasped beside her, a grin spreading across her face. The grip on her mother’s hand tightened in her excitement.

“Hey, Mia,” Alphonse waved.

“Hello, boys,” Riza greeted. “Are you two coming for a visit too?”

Edward nodded. “We thought we’d stop by and see how the Colonel and Lieutenant Havoc were doing.”

“How are you two doing?” Riza had heard Alphonse was with Roy during the fight with the creature they all called Lust but hadn’t seen him since.

“Fine,” Edward replied simply. “Busy, but we’re fine.” He glanced at Mia and offered her a tight smile, and Riza understood. Even if they weren’t fine, they wouldn’t tell the truth in front of Mia. While Riza appreciated that for Mia’s sake, she still sought the truth. There may never be a time where she got them alone to ask, but she still worried about them.

“How are you today, Mia?” Alphonse cocked his head to look down.

“I’m okay! I miss Dad a lot, but Mum says he’s doing really well, isn’t he?” Her head craned up to look at her mother.

“He is,” Riza confirmed. “He’s on the mend,” she reassured them both.

“I’m guessing you’re going to see him now?” Alphonse asked. “We’ll walk with you.”

They made small talk as they walked the short distance to Roy and Havoc’s hospital room. The brothers mostly conversed with Mia, asking how she was and what she’d been up to at school recently. She was very eager to share, and her stories made Riza smile.

“Daddy!” Mia’s cry halted all conversation within the hospital room. All four men within turned their heads towards the door as Mia rushed towards her father, throwing her arms around Roy.

“Hi, Mia,” he grinned. Glancing towards the door, he shot Riza a grin too. “Hi,” he greeted.

“Hello. How are you doing?”

Alphonse lifted a chair and pushed it up towards Roy’s bedside for her, which Riza appreciated. She thanked him with a smile before sitting down.

“All right,” Roy shrugged. “The doctor said I was healing beautifully,” he grinned down at Mia. “What do you think of that, Mia Bear?”

“You’re almost all better?”

Roy grimaced. “Not perfect, but I’m on the mend. I’m better than I was before.”

“Yay!” Mia bounced on the spot, latching onto her father’s hand tightly. Her smile lit up the whole room as a knock at the door disturbed them.

“Hello, Sirs,” Fuery greeted upon entering the room. “Madame Christmas asked me to retrieve these maps for you.” The rolls of paper he had bundled up in his arms were dumped onto the chair by Roy’s bedside.

“What are the maps for, Mummy?” Mia’s question was completely innocent, but it caused her to pause. She shouldn’t be privy to a conversation such as this.

However, before Riza could open her mouth, Alphonse beat her to it. “Mia? Would you like to come on a walk with me for a little while? I’ve heard there’s some very pretty flowers in the hospital garden and wondered if you’d like to come see them with me?”

“Oh!” Mia clapped her hands together happily. “Can I, Mum?”

Riza glanced at Alphonse, who nodded at her. “Only if you behave and do _exactly_ as Alphonse says, okay?”

“I will! I promise!”

“Okay.” Riza nodded and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Alphonse as he left. He bid them farewell with a wave and stooped low, taking Mia’s hand in his as they walked out the room.

“I’ll fill him in later,” Edward reassured them.

* * *

Riza’s lips pursed as she looked upon Roy’s determined face.

“Leave here? Already?” Her question was disbelieving. He wasn’t fully healed yet and he needed to stay in the hospital to ensure he was well taken care of.

Despite the displeasure on her face, Roy nodded. He was determined and absolute in his resolve. “Yes. There’s too much work to do to stop now. You saw those maps. _You_ figured out the pattern, Riza. That circle includes Central Command and the Fuhrer’s mansion. He’s tied to the homunculi somehow. I need to find out how and why. The whole military… I think this was what Hughes stumbled across. He figured it out. The military is aware and was involved in this mess with Lab Three.”

“You _do_ realise that you're jeopardising yourself and your health by leaving early, right?”

Roy sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose, but it only caused Riza to frown in response. The action irritated her, as if he thought she was being unreasonable in her question.

“Look…” His shoulders slumped. His initial tone had been sharp, but it softened considerably the next time he spoke. “I can’t just sit by while others are doing _my_ work for me.”

“I understand that, Roy, but you _need_ to look out for yourself too,” Riza countered.

“I know, and I will. I promise. I’m not jumping headfirst into another fight, but I need to get mobilised and start working again.”

“Roy…”

“I know it’s hard.” He stepped forward, gripping both her hands within his own. He lifted them to his chest, giving them a squeeze. “Because it’s hard for me too. I… I absolutely hate to do this to you because I know you’ll only worry –”

“Damn right, I will,” Riza retorted. She tried to pull her hands away, and Roy let her. He didn’t fight it, just let go, letting his hands hang limp by his sides. Riza watched as he swallowed and nodded in acceptance. “Of course, I’ll worry about you. How could I not?”

“Riza –”

“What about Mia?” Her demand was clear in her tone. “What am I supposed to tell her if you land yourself in hospital again? Or worse, end up dead?” She choked on the last word.

“I’ll talk to her –” His voice was quiet and defeated, but Riza wouldn’t – and couldn’t – accept that.

“No. That’s not good enough. Because it will be _me_ who has to comfort again. I will have to share the bad news with her.” Riza swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I understand the dedication you have to your country and your team, Roy. I _really_ do, and I’ve accepted that. It’s a part of who you are. However, I can’t do it again,” she whispered. “Not with her, and not alone.” The tears were threatening to overwhelm her. “I had to tell her about Maes, and if I have to do the same with you –” Riza closed her eyes and took a deep breath, _willing_ herself not to burst into tears.

Suddenly, arms were wrapped tightly around her. “I’m sorry,” Roy whispered in her ear. “I’m _so_ sorry,” he breathed, but Riza noticed the hitch there.

Her face was pressed into his hard chest. She revelled in the warmth against her face, reminding her that he was alive and that he was okay. She loved this man and wanted to support and push him to achieve his dreams, but not at the expense of his own life. It was selfish to play the Mia card, and Riza felt guilty for it, but it was the truth. Once more, she would feel abandoned. Helpless. Floundering, as she struggled to fend for herself.

“I… I cannot express how sorry I am over what happened with Maes.” He tripped over his late friend’s name. “I should have been there for you both, and that’s something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. And I do _not _want to do that to you again. I don’t.” He was choked up, his arms tightening around her frame as he spoke. “But… I’m torn. There are _children_ out there, fighting my battles for me. And I’m not trying to guilt you –”

The arms around her were gone. Riza blinked in surprise, watching as he ran his hands over his face, turning away from her. He sighed once, his breathing becoming deeper a second time, before he stilled completely. His hands dropped to his sides, forming fists, as Roy tried to compose himself.

Taking in his posture, Riza could see he really _was_ torn. Duty was incredibly important to Roy. It always had been. She’d always understood it but realised now that before she’d only partly understood. She’d never really seen it in action before, only heard it from a second-hand account. But his family was just as important to Roy. It was a horrible situation to be in, and Riza realised just how unfair she’d been then by mentioning her and Mia. He was trying to make the best of a bad situation, and she wasn’t helping.

She approached her husband quietly. He jumped in fright when she pressed a hand between his shoulder blades.

“Go,” she commanded softly.

Roy whipped around. He looked desolate, his eyes swelling up as emotion overwhelmed him.

“I can’t –” His voice was choked, unable to finish his sentence.

“You can,” Riza reasoned calmly while offering him a quick smile. “I’m sorry… I wasn’t thinking straight. It wasn’t right for me to say that,” she swallowed. “About Mia and I. There are people who are counting on you to help,” she added. “And they need your guidance,” she smiled. “Go and help them but _be careful. _Please.”

“I can’t leave you again, Riza.” His tone was so broken that it almost made her cry.

“You’re not leaving me, Roy.” She lifted a hand to cup his cheek. “You never would, I believe that. But I get it now. Edward and Alphonse… They need your help. And you need to assist them. You’re Edward’s commanding officer, and those brothers seem to be setting themselves up for an adventure of extreme proportions.” She smiled softly at him, dropped her hand so that it rested upon his shoulder. “It reminds me of another boy I once knew.”

“Riza… I swore to myself that I wouldn’t do this to you again. I can’t. But, I…” He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“If we weren’t together, and we were just friends, then I would tell you exactly the same,” Riza whispered. “I can see how torn you are. I can see how important this is to you.”

“But I have a duty to you, too. To Mia.”

Riza nodded. “You do. But this is the greater good we’re talking about here.”

“_You_ are my greater good,” he whispered.

Silence descended over them. Riza didn’t know what to say to that, because how could she? This was a decision Roy could only make for himself, but she still felt selfish for her actions.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Roy was confused at her confession.

“I was selfish to say those things to you –”

“No.” His reply was vehement.

“I was –” She tried to counter him, to fight him, but Roy interrupted her once more.

“You were not selfish. You do not have a selfish bone in your body, Riza Mustang.” He almost growled at her. Her hands were gripped tightly within his once more. This time, they rested above his heart. “You could _never_ be selfish.”

“But this is important –”

“So are you,” Roy cut in. “So is Mia.”

Riza bowed her head, her eyes coming to rest upon their joined hands. “We’ll get nowhere arguing like this.”

After a moment, Roy sighed. “No, I suppose we won’t.”

Lifting her eyes, they met, staring at one another.

“I, Riza Mustang, will never hold your decision against you. I promise,” she added in a whisper. “Go and do what you need to do. I… I lashed out in fear and this was what happened because of it,” she admitted. “Because losing you again scares me to death. But,” she inhaled, letting it out in a quick rush. “I understand your job and your position. _And_ the duty you have towards those brothers. I can look after Mia and myself. Go and help them, but promise me one thing?”

Roy had been silent throughout her speech, but after her question, he shifted his stance and gave her hands a squeeze. “Anything, my love.”

“Look after yourself?”

Roy leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I will. After all, I have you and Mia to look forward to coming home to. I wouldn’t miss that moment for the world.”

Closing her eyes, Riza’s head tipped forward. It came to rest upon Roy’s chest as he wrapped his arms around her once more, giving her a tight squeeze.


	26. the future looks good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! apologies for the long wait again. i've been chipping away at this fic every now and then but things are starting to open up a bit more here so i've been busy lately! i return to work in the next few weeks so i'll hopefully have another chapter up before i do. i better have another chapter up! xD feel free to yell at me if i don't, it will motivate me to do it
> 
> hope you enjoy this one! i really like it uwu
> 
> song of this chapter: onerepublic – future looks good

##  **1914**

** **

** _i swear that you are, you are the future_ **

** _and the future looks good_ **

“How are you doing? Really?”

Roy shot her a smile as he lowered himself down onto the hospital chair outside his room, but his expression quickly changed. He winced in pain, his hand coming to rest upon his injured side. “It hurts.” At least he was honest.

Nodding, she sat beside him, angling her body so she was half facing him. His free hand was braced against his knee as he tried to control his breathing, and Riza covered it with her own as a show of comfort.

“I know.” Her voice was quiet and subdued. It was a hard concept to grasp, her husband being stabbed. With Roy, with the military, anything was possible, however, it didn’t make it easy. She’d already had so many nightmares about losing him lately.

“I can’t complain though,” he grunted, making himself more comfortable in the chair. Guilt flooded his features, causing Riza to think back to the cause of his turmoil; Havoc’s announcement. He was leaving the team and leaving the military. His legs no longer worked. Lust had severed his spinal cord. Havoc would never walk again. Riza’s heart broke for him.

“Roy…”

He shook his head. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I can still walk,” he swallowed. “I can’t complain.” His voice was firm as he shouldered the weight of Havoc’s diagnosis.

Riza knew he was blaming himself for it. She squeezed his hand again. There wasn’t much she could say to soothe him. Not when she was still reeling from the news too. It was so fresh and felt like a sucker punch to her stomach. It was unfair. The whole situation they’d landed themselves in was  _ unfair  _ but it had happened. Taking a deep breath, Riza calmed herself as she tried to process the news they’d received.

“You haven’t been sleeping.” It wasn’t a question but a statement. It came out of the blue after they’d lapsed into a quiet moment together.

She’d tried to apply some concealer to underneath her eyes, hiding the darkness residing there, but apparently it hadn’t been enough. “No.” Riza took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. She gave his hand another squeeze.

“Tell me about it,” he murmured. Slowly, he eased himself back into his chair and turned his palm over, threading his fingers through hers. Roy’s hold was tight, and it anchored her. It reminded her that he was alive and breathing. He wasn’t going anywhere just yet.

She didn’t want to talk about her nightmares. How her worst fears had played out in her head while she was stuck in a state of unconsciousness, forced to watch. They varied from time to time, but all had the same outcome. Riza and Mia arriving outside Roy’s hospital room, except he was no longer living.

“Nightmares,” she mumbled.

“Tell me.” His coaxing was gentle, his eyes filled with concern.

Riza let her breath out sharply. “I’m sure you can guess what they’re about.” Tears were threatening to spring to her eyes and she didn’t want to cry. Not again. Through the night, after waking up was enough. She didn’t want to relive that terror right now after she finally got some time alone with him since he’d woken up.

Since both Roy and Havoc had woken up their visiting times had changed. They were now in the afternoon and the evening, from noon to three o’clock and six to eight o’clock. It was a little late for Mia but Riza wouldn’t tear her away from her father while he was hurt and she was worried sick.

Mia had nightmares too. Riza had ran through to her bedroom to find their daughter sobbing in her bed, wailing about how she didn’t want her father to die like Uncle Maes had. She just wanted everyone to be okay and to be  _ home _ . Riza had held her tight, cried silently with her, and never wanted to let her go. Eventually, Mia had exhausted herself back to sleep. Riza carried her through to her parent’s bedroom for the rest of the night.

So, Riza didn’t particularly want to get into her sleeping problems while they had a private moment together. Mia was Roy’s shadow when they visited. She sat on his bed, in between his legs, while she chatted animatedly with Havoc. The two had become fast friends, which pleased Riza. Right now, Mia was asleep. She’d had a busy day at school and tired herself out telling her father and Havoc all about it. She was curled up in Roy’s hospital bed while he’d gone for a walk to stretch his legs, at the insistence of Lieutenant Havoc, who’d shot them both a pointed look, urging them to take a moment alone together.

“I’m sorry.” Roy sounded miserable as he stared down at their entwined hands.

“You didn’t do it on purpose,” Riza reminded him.

“No, but I’m still sorry.” He swallowed and Riza watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “I’m sorry I can’t be there.”

“It’s okay.” Riza brushed his fringe out his face and the action caused him to lift his gaze to hers. Sad eyes looked back at her, which she tried to comfort with a soft smile. “You’re still  _ here _ ,” she emphasised. Her free hand lifted, coming to rest atop his beating heart. “That’s what matters right now.”

Roy lifted his hand, extracting himself from Riza’s hold and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She was pulled tightly against his side, hugged in close, as her head moved to rest against his chest.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“Love you too.”

A kiss was pressed against the top of her head and Riza sighed, her eyes fluttering closed as she relished in the comfort he always brought her.

“I’m sure I can guess what your nightmares are about. I think I can guess really well.” His hand rubbed up and down her arm. “Do they happen often?”

“Almost every night,” she admitted in a whisper.

Roy was silent and still. “All right.”

The silence stretched on as Riza forced those horrible memories from her mind.

“Well, I’m up and walking,” Roy soothed, his voice even and determined. “The wound won’t heal overnight. I’ll need to be careful when I go home and will also need to do some form of physical therapy. The doctors seem to think that once I have the hang of everything and can do it correctly then I can do it all at home.” He snorted gently. “They said if I slack off I’ll have to come back to the hospital for it. I told them that won’t be a problem.”

“Oh?

Roy nodded. “I’ll have you and Mia to whip my ass into shape whenever I’m feeling lazy,” he chuckled. Riza felt it vibrate through her cheek. “You two would never let me slack off.”

A smile spread across her face. “Damn right,” she muttered.

“It will be like boot camp all over again, I’m sure,” he joked.

“She’ll make sure you do it,” Riza reassured him. “I can already picture Mia now, equipped with a whistle, her hands on her hips, and her no nonsense attitude.”

Roy laughed, but it quickly turned pained. His hand moved to his injured side again. “She takes after you that way. You put up with none of my shit.”

“There’s not a lot I have to put up with,” she argued gently.

Roy snorted in disbelief.

“Well, not personally anyway,” she smiled wryly.

“I suppose I deserved that one, huh?”

She nudged him as gently as she dared. “I’m still here aren’t I?”

“You are,” he sighed happily, squeezing her tighter against her side in a way that made her grin.

“So you can’t be  _ that _ bad.”

“No, I suppose not,” he mused quietly.

“I said I’d stand by you through everything and I meant it,” Riza reminded him, dropping her light, teasing tone, switching it out for one that was firmer. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Neither am I.” He pressed a kiss into the top of her head again. “It will take more than some freakishly long and sharp nails to take me down.”

Riza snickered.

“What?” He was confused as to why she was laughing.

“Havoc said something similar after he woke up. A lot more colourful language though. You’ve been hanging out with him too much, I think,” she teased.

Roy groaned, his head tipping back. “Great. Havoc’s rubbing off on me. That’s all I need,” he muttered.

“Be nice,” she admonished. “He’s a good person. He seems to be Mia’s new best friend too.”

“Yeah, I noticed that!” His exclamation was one of disbelief. “They’re thick as thieves. It’s been funny to watch that friendship grow.”

“I think it’s lovely. He’s like an unofficial Uncle.”

“To be honest, I think all the team want to be,” Roy chuckled. “Every time they come in they ask how she is and if she’s been handling everything well. They’re worried about her, bless them.”

Riza’s stomach dropped, thinking back to Mia’s nightmare. She hadn’t told Roy about that yet. However, she wouldn’t ruin this tiny moment of happiness they’d found together. She’d tell him about it later. There was nothing to be done about it either. It was in the past and Mia hadn’t had anymore since. Visiting Roy every day helped a lot, so did joking around with Havoc and other members of the team when she was here. She adored them like they really were family to her, and it warmed Riza’s heart.

“That’s great,” Riza smiled, pushing down the tension building in her gut. She willed herself to relax.

“You okay?”

_ Of course _ he’d pick up on her slight change.

“I’m fine.” Riza pulled away from him. Then, she flinched, but not from any kind of pain. More in fright. That feeling shifted uncomfortably, like her stomach was tumbling inside of her.

“What is it?” Roy pulled away. He winced when he shifted to get a better look at her face.

“Nothing, I –” Her hand flew to her stomach, her shoulders tensing, brow furrowing as she felt –

“Riza?” The hand that had been around her shoulders was gripping one of hers tightly, his eyes begging him to tell her what was happening. He was alarmed, his eyes wide and searching her stomach, as if he were willing himself to see what was happening in there.

But Riza had already realised what was happening. A slow smile spread across her face.

“What?” He was fretting, practically on the edge of his seat.

She extracted the hand from her shoulder and pressed it against her stomach without a word. Roy was silent, his eyes wide as he let her move him. The warmth from his palm spread across her bump and it was instantly comforting.

They were left in silence. As it stretched, Riza began to grow disheartened, praying it would happen again –

Roy gasped as he felt a tiny kick. His head snapped up to face hers. His eyes were wide before with alarm, but now they were filled with wonder. “Was that –?” The baby kicked again, and Roy stopped breathing.

He’d never experienced this with Mia. He hadn’t been there to witness the wonder and joy of feeling that movement for the first time. It looked like he was going to burst into tears.

“Was that the baby?” It sounded like he was going to cry too. His voice was thick as he blinked, staring down at her stomach.

“They’ve come to say hello,” Riza grinned. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling. It was like lots of butterflies in her stomach, fluttering around, as their child moved their tiny legs.

“Oh my god.” Tears tracked down his cheeks. Roy placed his other hand on her stomach, so both were covering her bump.

Watching the wonder spread across his face warmed Riza’s heart. She’d always wondered what his initial reaction would be when he felt them kicking for the first time. She’d pictured a few different scenarios, but they were nothing compared to the real thing. The love and happiness radiated off of him and it was contagious. It spread to her as he tenderly felt their child moving. This moment would stick with her for the rest of her life, she was sure.

Riza placed her hands atop his, giving them a tight squeeze as she braced herself for more, willing it to happen. She wanted to experience more of his amazement.

“Colonel Mustang – Oh.” The poor nurse looked incredibly startled when she saw him crying. “Oh, I – I’m sorry, I’ll give you two a few minutes. I’ll come back,” she stuttered, turning on her heel and retreating back around the corner.

Riza chuckled.

“Do I look that bad?” Roy’s voice was husky but as he grinned up at her, it was one of the brightest smiles she’d ever seen.

Riza cupped his cheeks, wiping his tears away with her thumbs. “This is the best you’ve ever looked.”

“What? A sobbing mess?” He laughed lightly, sniffing. A turned his head and pressed a kiss against her wrist.

“Yes,” Riza admitted with no shame. “You witnessing this was a beautiful sight.”

“This is the first time it’s happened?”

Riza nodded.

“Then… Wow.” He was incoherent as his eyes wandered back down to his hands where their little one was kicking again. Little flutters filled Riza’s stomach as they spoke. They seemed to be excited. It had happened with Mia too, and Rebecca beamed, telling her that Mia obviously loved her Mama a lot and was desperate to say hello.

“I think they like to hear us talk,” Riza whispered. She gave the back of his hands a squeeze.

“Then I’ll talk to you every day,” Roy replied, speaking to her stomach. “I’ll tell you all about your sister, your mother and I.” He stopped, taking a shaky breath. “All that’s happened in the past, how she was a terror as a child and how  _ I _ was the one she always dragged into trouble.”

Riza swatted him gently on the forearm, and he laughed through his tears.

“I love you, Little One,” he whispered. “I love you  _ so _ much.”

Their baby kicked back.

“I think they love you too,” Riza beamed.

* * *

Riza stepped inside the back room of Chris’ bar, observing the atmosphere of the place. At one table women were huddled together, speaking quietly, while at another, there was a rowdy group who were laughing at someone’s joke. Roy’s sisters moved between the tables, joking and serving them drinks. It was like they were all old friends.

Some women were in their military blues too. Riza hadn’t expected that. However, if there was an area for the men to be pampered out front, it would have been natural that Chris offered the same for military women too.

The “back room” was so much more than Riza thought it would be. In her head it was much less extravagant than this. She didn’t know why. If they were serving people in here it would have to have matched the plush décor in the main bar, however this was  _ so _ much nicer. There were couches around a currently unlit fireplace. The rest of the bar was a mixture of booths along the wall and tables in the centre. Paintings hung on the wine-red walls, with sconces in between each, casting a light glow over the room. The maroon carpet of the entranceway felt soft underneath Riza’s shoes, almost with a light spring to it. Then, the floor turned to well-polished wood. It was spotless. If there had been enough light, Riza was sure it would have been gleaming. It wasn’t dim, but it wasn’t the brightest either. It felt warm and cosy. Very welcoming. Wistfully, Riza thought how nice it would be to sit on those comfortable couches by the fire in the winter.

“Only the best for us girls,” Vanessa winked over her shoulder at her, breaking character for a second while no one could see. “Sit where you like ladies,” she dismissed with a wave of her hand, “I’ll be over to take your orders in a few minutes.” All familiarity was gone from her tone as she left them, walking behind the bar.

They were all acting as if they didn’t know her, which was the plan. It was a strange feeling. Normally Vanessa and Roxanne hugged Riza tightly upon greeting, but tonight there was nothing but blank and expectant faces, asking how many were in their party tonight. They would win big at poker, Riza was sure.

“Over there,” Rebecca directed. She pointed to a table in the back corner where a woman was sitting by herself. Her drink fizzed in its glass as she stared down at her hands looking lost in thought. Her brown hair was tied back into a ponytail, the ends fanning over the back of her white blouse. A blue military jacket was draped over the back of her chair and a plain leather purse lay beside her drink. She didn’t particularly look like a soldier, so Riza wondered if she was more involved in the administrative side.

Sensing people approaching, the woman looked up quickly, causing her glasses to slip down her nose. With a nervous smile, she sat up straighter in her chair.

“Hello, Lieutenant Catalina,” she greeted warmly.

“It’s Rebecca tonight, Sheska,” she winked, taking a seat beside her. “The last thing I want to be reminded of while I’m drinking is work,” she laughed lightly.

“Right. Sorry.” Sheska was sheepish in her apology. She turned to look at Riza. “Mrs. Mustang, right?” The mousy woman pushed her glasses up her nose and extended her hand to shake.

“Riza,” she corrected with a smile.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Riza. My name is Sheska.”

“Lovely to meet you too.”

“Um, Rebecca has told me a lot about you, Riza,” Sheska grinned. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

“Thank you.” Riza shot Rebecca a sideways look. “All good things, I hope.”

“Oh yes!” Sheska reassured her before Rebecca could open her mouth.

Vanessa appeared beside Riza, placing a hand on the back of her chair as she cocked her hip. She was completely relaxed, acting as if they were all old friends and not as if she’d apparently only met Riza for the first time tonight. “What can I get you two ladies to drink?”

“Glass of wine,” Rebecca ordered. She shed her black leather jacket and tossed her hair, running her hands through it as she relaxed into her chair.

“Just a water for me,” Riza told her.

“Designated driver tonight?” Vanessa raised an eyebrow with a sympathetic smile.

“Actually, yes,” Riza chuckled.

“She has to be with a bun in the oven,” Rebecca interjected.

“Oh, really?” Vanessa’s eyes lit up in excitement. It was the exact same expression she’d worn when they’d broke the news to Roy’s family. “Oh, that’s wonderful! Well anything you need, Honey, you let me know. Food is on the house for you tonight,” she grinned.

“Oh, okay.” Riza hadn’t expected that.

“Have you all eaten?” Vanessa looked around the table.

Sheska shifted uncomfortably but nodded weakly. It was a poor lie and Riza could see right through it. She hadn’t had any dinner. Riza had a sandwich at the hospital before she left Roy at eight o’clock. Now that food was mentioned, a pang of hunger struck her. She should have picked up something else too.

“No,” Rebecca answered for them all.

“What do you need?”

Riza felt guilty. She hadn’t come for a free meal from her mother-in-law’s business. She hadn’t expected one either. Chris was gruff and exuded a tough love exterior, however Riza also knew that she would feed her and Roy at every opportunity that was presented to her. Chris loved to cook for them. Mia was spoiled with home baked sweet treats every time they visited. Still. They didn’t know Riza tonight, and it felt wrong.

“Honestly, it’s fine –” Riza started.

“Come on,” Vanessa waved away her polite rejection. “What do you want?” Her smile was genuine as she met Riza’s eyes. It was like things were normal, and they were in the house on a usual evening when they arrived for dinner.

Food was ordered and Rebecca sat back satisfied. “I should take you places more often,” she joked. When Riza scowled at her, Rebecca laughed.

“I didn’t expect a free meal,” she muttered. “I ate at the hospital.”

“The hospital?” Sheska’s eyes widened, realising she’d voiced her thought. Riza appreciated her concern though, despite not knowing her very well. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” she flapped, “you don’t need to tell me.”

“No, it’s okay.” At this point, Riza would have thought Roy being in the hospital was common knowledge. Rebecca had told her gossip was ripe in the military. She often filled Riza in on the juicy secrets she’d heard, which was always entertaining. “Roy’s in the hospital.”

“Roy?” Sheska echoed.

“Colonel Mustang,” Rebecca supplied.

Sheska frowned, then her eyes widened behind her glasses again. “The  _ Colonel _ ? Oh…” She trailed off, like she’d just made a massive revelation.

“Yeah, Sheska. You hadn’t heard?”

She shook her head, answering Rebecca’s question. “I… I don’t really hear much in the archives and I don’t really pay attention either.” Another sheepish smile flitted across her face. “I… To be honest, I didn’t even make the connection between you and him.”

“How could you not?” Rebecca scoffed. “He never shuts up about his family,” Rebecca grinned directly at Riza.

Resisting the urge to groan, Riza just shook her head.

“You need to get your head out of your books more often.”

“I like my books,” she replied defensively. “but that is true, I did hear him talking about you. I remember now,” Sheska announced, cocking her head in thought.

Riza did groan this time.

“Colonel Mustang loves his wife, everyone knows that,” Rebecca continued, unrelenting in her teasing, and knowing that sudden attention on Riza would wind her up. “And his daughter is the  _ cutest _ thing he’s ever seen. No other child holds a candle to her.”

While that was always wonderful to hear, it was almost embarrassing. All the people in his workplace probably knew about her. Even if it was the truth, all that possibly unwanted attention… Riza didn’t want to voice her current thought. It would only bring the mood down, but it wouldn’t leave her alone. As she thought it, a wave of sadness washed over her, but from what they were describing, Roy sounded so much like Maes Hughes. Their late friend had definitely rubbed off on him. Well, at least everyone knew he was a devoted family man. That had always been their plan.

“He does love you both very much,” Sheska added. “It’s heart-warming to see and hear about.”

“Thank you.” Riza shifted uncomfortably because what else could she say to that? “I’m… I’m glad.”

Their food arrived and Riza was saved. They ate and the conversation drifted away from their work, which Riza knew Rebecca appreciated. She’d had a tough time lately and was definitely looking to let loose that night.

Riza had caught her visiting Havoc when he was alone in the room and Roy was out at physical therapy. They’d looked very close. Rebecca had been sitting by his bedside, head slightly bowed, but she’d seen their joined hands. Riza turned and left them, giving them the privacy they deserved. Rebecca obviously felt she couldn’t visit normally, the way she wanted to, so had resorted to these stealth meetings, and Riza’s heart hurt for her friend.

“I’m going to go mingle,” Rebecca announced after their plates had been cleared. She stood from her chair. “People have been trying to wave me down all night and can’t take a hint. Don’t get into too much trouble while I’m gone.”

“Shouldn’t it be me telling you that?” Riza raised an eyebrow at her friend.

Rebecca just grinned at her, offering them both a wave.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Riza directed at Sheska. “I just need to freshen up.”

Sheska nodded and sat back in her chair, content. Riza didn’t particularly like leaving the woman to sit by herself but being pregnant didn’t exactly let her run on her own schedule. If she needed to go, she needed to  _ go _ .

Walking through the corridor to the toilets, Riza bumped into Vanessa as she exited through a staff door.

“Hi,” Riza offered.

Vanessa giggled. “It’s so fun having you here, Riza. We  _ have _ to do this more often.”

“It is nice to sit back and catch up with Rebecca,” Riza agreed. “It’s fascinating to see you all work as well. I wasn’t expecting a free meal though,” she frowned. “Let me pay for it.”

Vanessa winked at her. “Chris told me you’d say that. She insisted though.”

“It’s going to happen every time I come, isn’t it?” Riza sighed.

“Probably,” she snickered. “If you’re coming from the hospital, definitely.  _ I  _ would insist on it too. You need more than a sandwich to keep you going.” She poked Riza’s shoulder.

“How did you know that?”

She wiggled her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “I have my sources. Look who you’re talking to,” she gestured to herself. “Look who I work for.”

Riza paused for a beat. “Roy called, didn’t he?”

“He was just concerned,” Venessa placated, placing a hand on Riza’s shoulder. “He said the sandwich filling honestly looked disgusting and wondered how you managed to stomach it,” she laughed.

“I can’t help what I’m craving,” she muttered to herself. Pickled onion on lettuce sandwiches was something she’d never expected she’d eat either, but the baby demanded it. And it was rather tasty.

“So, sue us for wanting to get a decent meal in you. Of course, it’s going to happen again. We take care of our own, Riza.” Vanessa tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder. “Come on, get back out there.” She shooed Riza away with her hands. “You’ve got mingling to do. Connections to make.”

“Bathroom first.”

“Right. Speak to you soon,” she grinned. Offering her a small wave, Vanessa turned and walked back out into the bar area.

Shaking her head fondly at her sister-in-law’s antics, Riza entered the bathroom.

“Sorry for leaving you,” she apologised to Sheska once she arrived back at the table.

“No, it’s okay! You don’t need to apologise,” she reassured her with a warm smile.

“Rebecca is popular, isn’t she?” Riza watched as her friend’s head tipped back, hair tumbling down her back in waves as she laughed at what someone said.

“She is,” Sheska agreed. “She’s a very well-respected soldier, especially at the shooting range. She’s one of the best snipers the military has.”

“So how do you two know each other?”

“We kind of met in passing. Brigadier General…” Sheska stuttered, trailing off as a sadness appeared to wash over her. “Um,” she coughed behind her hand, “Brigadier General Hughes recruited me into the records department.” Her voice wavered as she spoke his name, causing Riza to shoot her a sympathetic smile. “And I’ve met Colonel Mustang a few times in passing too. Rebecca was with him and we were introduced. I was kind of surprised when she invited me out to be honest.” Her admission was quiet. She glanced away, shrinking in on herself as she looked almost shy and embarrassed to admit it. “I don’t really get out too often.”

Riza wasn’t sure why. She was excellent company. Riza made a mental note to ask Rebecca to do this more often, Sheska included. It was nice for her to unwind too, away from her worries for a few hours or so. Roy’s condition and recovery was a constant weight on Riza’s mind, but he too actively pushed her to go out and enjoy herself. She deserved it, Roy insisted, and if it meant meeting new people like Sheska, then Riza would be more than happy to as well.

“I’m glad you’re here, Sheska.” The young woman lifted her gaze from the table, looking doubtful. “If you weren’t here, Rebecca would’ve left a pregnant woman sitting by herself,” Riza added dryly. “You’ve been my saviour.”

Sheska cringed, but let out a giggle. “Thank you, Riza.”

“I was just thinking we should do this more often.”

“Really?” Sheska’s eyes lit up.

Riza nodded. “I would love to,” she smiled. “It’s been a lovely evening so far.”

Sheska grinned and sat back in her chair, looking happy to be included in any future plans. “I would like that too,” she admitted shyly.


	27. cause the devil's got my arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new chapter? in under two weeks? 👀 hope you enjoy
> 
> song for this chapter: bastille – grip (alternative version)

## 1914

** _'cause the devil's got my arms_ **

** _and it pulls me back into the night_ **

** _well, i should just walk away, away_ **

** _oh, it grips me_ **

“Sir?” Fuery poked his head around the door, looking anxious. “We have a situation.”

“What is it?”

Both Riza and Roy had been talking quietly while Havoc slept that afternoon before Fuery entered. Roy’s tone had been normal, just like what he used around her at home. If she closed her eyes, Riza could pretend they _were_ at home, and not in the hospital. Now, however, his expression turned serious and authoritative. Roy was all business, totally calm and collected as he waited for his subordinate’s report.

“I’ll give you both a minute,” Riza excused herself, rising to stand.

Roy nodded, his expression softening when his eyes settled on her features. She didn’t think he’d send her away, however from the urgency of Fuery’s voice, Riza knew it was a serious military matter. Plus, she needed to use the bathroom anyway.

By the time Riza returned Fuery was gone and Roy was lying back in his bed, one hand on his chin in thought as he stared down at his legs.

“Everything okay?” Her question was hesitant. It felt like she would be intruding on his thoughts. The cogs were turning inside his mind, whirring away as they always did when he was deep in thought.

Roy’s head snapped up and he looked startled. She’d been correct in her assumption. “Oh, yes. Everything’s…”

“Roy?”

“Well, it’s not… okay,” he finished, his brow furrowing as that hand returned to his chin. “Fuery was right, we do have a situation.”

“I don’t suppose there is, but is there anything I can help with?”

He hesitated then shook his head. “I don’t want to get you involved.”

Riza sighed quietly. “Okay. Do you want to tell me about it?” She approached his bed and returned to her chair.

His jaw set and he said nothing.

“You don’t have to, but I just thought I’d offer.”

“I know.” Roy sighed and lowered his hand, shooting her a grateful smile. “I appreciate the offer.” He reached out, palm up, and Riza slid her hand into his. Roy gave her hand a quick squeeze.

A knock sounded at the door and Fuery had returned. “Falman and I are on our way to assist Edward, Sir. However, Winry Rockbell was involved too. The MPs are with her for now, but she’s upset. There was a confrontation with Scar.”

Riza felt dread begin to creep up her spine. Winry had confronted Scar? How had _that_ happened?

“Winry?” Roy echoed Fuery’s message, as disbelieving of the news as Riza.

Fuery nodded, his expression grim. “Yes, Sir.”

“Very well. Go and assist Edward and Alphonse. Drop them off at that address and wait until I arrive.”

Riza never moved her head, but she glanced at Roy out the side of her eye. Her body went still, the realisation of his announcement settling in. They’d had this conversation earlier, but it still didn’t mean Riza had to like Roy’s plan.

“Sir,” Fuery saluted, then closed the door.

“Winry was with Scar,” Riza stated slowly, speaking to the room, rather than anyone in particular.

“I know.” Roy’s lips were pressed into a thin line. “I don’t know how that happened.” He glanced over at her, not moving his head. Whatever thought he’d had it was dismissed with a tiny shake of his head. Unfortunately for him, Riza picked up on it.

“What?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Roy,” she warned.

“You’re not going to let it go, are you?” He wasn’t irritable. He sighed heavily, his eyes begging her to drop it.

“If I’m able to, I want to help. I can go pick up Winry,” Riza offered, “I can take her to our house, so she’ll have some company for the afternoon?”

Roy debated with himself for a moment and Riza could see her proposition was wearing down his resolve.

“All right. I actually like that idea better than what I had in mind.”

“What did you have in mind?” Her tone was wary.

“Take her back to HQ,” he shrugged.

Riza shook her head. “I don’t think that would have been the best idea. She needs familiar company, not strangers.”

“Neither did I, but that was all I had.” He threw back the sheet and swung his legs out of the bed.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s time for me to move.” He spoke as if that was the most natural thing in the world.

“What?” Riza blinked at him, that realisation from moments ago rearing its head, bringing dread and anxiety along with it. It forced the question from her lips before she could halt it.

Roy winced as he took a step over to the empty bed next to his own. It was currently shielded behind the curtain. He pulled it back and stepped around, shrugging out of his hospital shirt. He was out of view of Havoc, but Riza could see every movement.

He didn’t answer her question and Riza felt her irritation spike. He was leaving the hospital. He wasn’t healed, that limp proved it. When the shirt lifted over his head he hissed quietly but continued moving. All Riza could do was sit and watch, looking at the large patch of dressing on his side. It was _big_. She’d never seen it fully before. She’d only been offered a quick glance at it underneath Roy’s shirt where it had been slightly rumpled from his sitting position. He didn't want to show it and Riza didn’t have a morbid curiosity. Plus, seeing it with her own eyes would only make her more anxious for him. 

The glaring white bandage wrapped around his side and disappeared around to his front. Bile crept up her throat. She knew Roy would have both a puncture and a burn scar. Riza had processed and accepted this but that dressing… It was bigger than both her palms, side by side. It had to be. Seeing its true size made it feel so much fresher than it was, like the attack had only happened that morning.

“The Elrics need me,” Roy stated quietly. His fingers had paused for a second when he’d heard her disbelieving tone, but they continued on their way as he buttoned up his shirt. Roy’s shoulders tensed slightly. “And I feel we’re on the precipice of something large. I can’t leave them to fight it alone.” While his tone was absolute, his breathing hitched towards the end.

Riza pursed her lips as she tried to reign in her irritation. She _did_ tell him to do what he had to do. Riza couldn’t go back on that now, and a part of her didn’t want to. It would only cause him pain and anguish if she did. Roy had already been so torn over upsetting and leaving her and going and doing his duty. She didn’t want another argument. That wouldn’t help Edward and Alphonse, who were currently involved in an incident with Scar. It wouldn’t help Winry, left at the hands of the military police after an upsetting altercation. It certainly wouldn’t help Roy.

Still… After seeing that dressing…

No. Roy was not a stupid man. He was more than capable of making his own decisions and knew his own limits, but Riza couldn’t help but worry. She always would.

“I need you to go pick up Winry. Take her home.” Roy turned and his eyes met hers. He was determined to work, adamant in his plans. However, he also looked slightly uncertain, trying to gauge her reaction while he still awaited her approval. “I’ll meet back up with you after we have a handle on the situation.”

Riza let out her breath and nodded. She took a step forward, hiding herself behind the curtain to give them some semblance of privacy from Havoc. A hand rose to cup Roy’s cheek, and he let out a shaky breath. Her acceptance meant more to him than she’d realised.

“Be careful.”

“Always,” he replied immediately.

His head bent and he pressed his lips gently against hers. Riza, however, needed something more. Her eyes squeezed tightly closed and she moved her hand to the back of his neck, drawing him closer to her. Her lips pressed hard against his, her face twisting in her own quiet anguish.

“Come back home,” she whispered.

“Of course.”

“I mean it,” she added, pulling away to scrutinise his face.

“I know you do, Love.” That one word made her pause and Roy bent his head to peck her lips. “I’m sorry to ask this of you. I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me too,” he admitted.

“Go and help them. Just… come home in one piece.”

“I promise,” Roy vowed. His head bent again, and they shared another softer kiss before Riza pulled away.

“Where’s Winry?”

Roy reached over to the bed for the change of clothes she’d brought in for him earlier in the week. It was just in case he needed to mobilise himself. While Riza was glad that had been postponed to later than she initially feared, it was still a tough moment to accept, now it was here. Riza promised she’d support him, though, and that’s what she’d do. She’d place her trust in him like always and do her best to assist.

Rifling through the clothes, Roy extracted a piece of paper from his black overcoat pocket. “Here.” It had a street name on it. “Thank you,” he breathed. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Roy. I’ll see you at home.”

Her farewell was partly a warning. If he got hurt again, she’d drag him back to the hospital herself and handcuff him to the bed, throwing away the key, until he was fit and well.

* * *

“Here.”

Riza wrapped a blanket around Winry’s shoulders. Edward’s red coat slipped, causing Winry to jerk and grab it before it could fall. It was pulled tight against her body as she walked in a slight daze, not even reacting to the blanket around her. Without removing her arms from the girl’s shoulders, Riza escorted Winry back to her car.

In silence, they both entered and Riza pulled away from the scene. Glancing in the rear-view mirror, she noted Winry’s posture. She still didn’t hold the blanket to her. Winry’s only concern was Edward’s coat. Her head was resting against the window and she stared outside it, unmoving. Riza felt concern wash over her.

“Would you like to discuss what happened?” Riza ensured her voice was quiet as she probed, not wanting to startle the girl.

Winry shook her head.

“Not a problem, Winry. Just let me know if you do.”

“Okay,” she whispered. Her voice wavered and Winry cleared her throat. Her head shifted slightly and as she repositioned herself in the chair. The blanket slipped off one shoulder and she made no move to right it.

Riza drove through the streets of Central and wondered what the hell had happened. When she’d arrived at the scene she’d seen rubble everywhere. The MPs had escorted Winry to the curb to wait for Riza, however it wasn’t hard to miss the carnage in the background. Just what had Edward and Alphonse done here? Roy always grumbled that they were destructive, but Riza just thought it was in the same vein as most teenagers were, like they were untidy and unorganised around the office. She didn’t realise he meant it literally. Despite the mess, Riza was mildly impressed.

Glancing at the clock, she noted the time. “I need to pick Mia up from school. Do you mind?”

“No, Mrs. Mustang.”

Riza glanced back at her again. Her voice was distant as she continued to stare at the passing buildings, not really seeing anything. Mia was always a bouncing ball of energy and the last thing Riza wanted was to thrust that upon Winry while she clearly wasn’t feeling up to it, however Riza was running out of time. She had no other choice.

“Mum!” Mia grinned and sprinted over to Riza, who was crouching with her arms open in the school’s playground. She latched onto her mother’s neck, hugging her tightly.

“Hello, Mia Bear. Did you have a good day at school?”

Her head nodded vigorously. “Yes! It was lots of fun and me and my friends played a fun game at lunch time!”

“That sounds fantastic,” Riza grinned. “Listen, Mia.” She straightened her school jacket and patted the front of it, making eye contact with her daughter. “Winry is coming home with us for a little while this afternoon.”

The little girl’s eyes lit up excitedly. She’d taken a shine to Winry at their dinner party months ago.

“Listen,” Riza scolded lightly when she started bouncing excitedly, “she’s not feeling very well though.”

Mia stopped bouncing, her face falling slightly.

“Yes, so we need to a bit quieter in the car and try not to upset her.”

“She’s upset?” Mia’s eyes were wide with concern.

“She is,” Riza nodded. “I know you’re always on your best behaviour, but I need be extra careful in the car, okay? Try not to get too excited and let her rest for a bit, all right?”

“Okay, Mum,” Mia nodded in determination. “I can do that!”

“Thank you,” Riza smiled. She leaned forward and kissed Mia’s cheek before rising from her crouch. Fairly soon, she wouldn’t be able to crouch like that. Her bump seemed to be growing every day. Thankfully, it didn’t feel like she was waddling everywhere yet, but Riza knew that would come, much to her dismay.

“Hi Winry,” Mia greeted brightly as Riza strapped her into the seat.

Despite Winry’s effort, her smile still appeared to be a sad one as she turned to look at Mia. At least she’d reacted to her daughter and looked a little more like her old self. Seeing the bright and positive young woman so dejected had broken Riza’s heart.

“Hello Mia.”

“It’s so good to see you!”

Like Riza had asked, Mia hadn’t pestered Winry. She’d hummed along to the music on the radio and kicked her legs happily in the back seat instead, looking out the window as they drove the short distance home.

“Mia, why don’t you run upstairs and get changed?”

“Okay!” She darted towards the stairs, her footsteps like loud thumps as she ran up them.

“In here, Winry,” Riza directed softly, showing her through to their living room. “Make yourself at home.”

Winry took a tentative step forward before breaking into a more confident stride. Her head was down, her hair shielding most of her face from Riza’s view.

“Would you like a glass of water?”

“Yes, please.”

Riza cast one last look over her shoulder and noticed her tone, with dismay. It wasn’t as distant as it had been in the car, but it still wasn’t happy.

“Do you want to talk about it yet?” Riza offered her the glass.

“I –”

“Done, Mummy!” Mia’s announcement came at the most inopportune time, but Riza didn’t mind at all. Her daughter stood on the threshold of the door, hands on her hips, and beaming proudly at the two of them. Her ponytail was skewed with the haste she’d thrown on her t-shirt and her fringe was in disarray, almost completely covering her eyes. Mia also only had one sock on the right way. The other was inside out. Apparently someone was excited to see Winry.

She’d woken up Hayate from his nap too, because the dog trotted up behind her and when he stopped he gave a big yawn and stretched.

“What will we play today, Mum?”

“We can’t play right now, Mia.” Her face fell. “We have a guest, remember?”

Mia spine straightened, remembering what her mother had asked of her in the playground at school. Winry wasn’t up to much socialising, much less so playing with her rambunctious daughter, so Riza thought it would be good to try and calm Mia down slightly.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll go, and you can –” Winry began to excuse herself, but Riza wouldn’t let her.

“Winry, I would feel terrible letting you leave right now.”

Her head jerked up and she looked worried. She obviously fretted that she looked terrible, but that wasn’t the case. Riza could tell she was still upset.

“We all need someone after an upsetting experience. We don’t need to talk, but I’ll be here to keep you company.”

Winry blinked at Riza and she offered the girl a warm smile as her eyes filled again with tears. “Thank you, Mrs. Mustang.”

“Riza, please,” she corrected gently. “You don’t have to be so formal with me,” Riza smirked.

“Mrs. Mustang?” Mia echoed the name, her face scrunching up. “Isn’t that Grandma?”

“Exactly,” Riza chuckled as she stood. She ruffled Mia’s hair affectionately, then set about fixing her fringe. “What toys do you want to play with today, Mia?”

“But… I have…” Mia trailed off and snapped her mouth closed immediately, eyes wide with dread.

“Do you have some schoolwork to do?” Riza lifted an eyebrow.

She wanted to shake her head no, Riza could tell, but Mia nodded dutifully. “I do,” she mumbled miserably. “Just a little bit though,” she insisted.

“Then we can do that later,” Riza dismissed. “Go and get your toys.”

Mia’s whole face lit up.

“We have a guest,” Riza added. “We can move it to after dinner.”

Her daughter whooped and left the room at a sprint. Hayate watched her go and turned, almost tripping her in his haste to catch up and be by her side. A quiet bark left him as he passed Mia, bounding up the stairs eagerly, making Mia collapse into a fit of giggles.

“Please, don’t put yourselves out for me –”

“Winry,” Riza admonished gently. “You’re our guest,” she chuckled. “And it’s no trouble at all.”

“Thank you… Riza.”

She grinned at Winry.

Mia entered the living room, dropping the pencil case that was full of her coloured pencils. She stopped, huffing in annoyance, but Hayate bent his head and picked it up inside his mouth. Grinning at him, Mia continued on her journey to the rug in front of Riza and Winry. “Thank you Hayate!”

“Mia? Why don’t you go through to the table with Hayate,” Riza interjected before she could make herself too comfortable. “We’ll be through in a little bit.”

“Okay!”

“Please, go on,” Riza prompted. “What were you going to say before Mia came in?”

“You… You really don’t mind listening?” She glanced up at Riza through her hair.

“Not at all.”

Winry bit her lip.

“I… I saw that man… Scar. He was the one who killed my parents in the war.”

Riza nodded, urging the girl to continue.

“My parents were doctors. I… I pointed a gun at him, but Ed stepped in and stopped me. And then…” She sniffed again, harder this time. “He told me I wasn’t meant to take a life. I was meant to give it.” She turned her hands over in her lap before scrunching them into fists.

Riza listened, not saying a word, and letting Winry get it all out.

“Then he ran off after the man and…” She sniffed, wiping away a tear. “I felt so helpless. I couldn’t move. I wanted to call out to him to stop because I was so worried. I didn’t want him to leave me but…”

“Edward gave you his coat.”

Winry’s fingers broke free from the fist and dug into her legs. “He did. Then he ran off after Al and…”

“And what, Winry?”

“I… I was just so happy he left that coat. I don’t know why.”

“He gave you a piece of himself when he left.”

Her head looked up. “What?”

“I don’t think he would have wanted to leave you either, but he knew he had to go help Alphonse. He knew you’d be safe, and he had a job to do.”

That sounded like someone else Riza knew. The knot that had been present in her stomach after leaving the hospital loosened slightly and Riza felt her shoulders relax.

“I just wish he’d be less reckless,” Winry whispered. “He threw himself in front of me to… To stop Scar.” Her breath hitched when she paused.

A knowing smile spread across Riza’s face. She placed a comforting hand on Winry’s shoulder. “He was very brave. He wanted to protect what he loved and held dear.”

“What he…” Winry trailed off, her face screwing up in confusion before it dropped suddenly. Her eyes widened slightly.

Riza hid her grin when Winry finally realised what she was feeling. “I’ll go and grab us some tea.”

A knock at the door diverted Riza attention from her task. Edward and Alphonse were on the other side of the door. Immediately she gave them a quick once over to check for any injuries but found nothing of note.

“Hello, boys. Come in,” Riza beckoned, stepping aside to welcome them into her home.

“Actually –”

“Ed!” Mia yelled. “Al!” She came barrelling through to the door, interrupting them. Alphonse must have thought Mia was going to launch herself at him, so he stepped in full view of the door and steadied himself. However, Mia stopped short. “Hi,” she beamed.

“Hello, Mia.”

“Hi, Mia!”

“The Colonel told us Winry was here.” Edward was straight down to business, turning to face Riza.

“She is, yes. Would you like to come inside?”

“Actually…” Alphonse trailed off and his armour clinked as he shifted in place.

“We can’t today,” Edward interrupted. He looked uneasy as he spoke. He shifted his weight as well. “We got a lift here, so we need to get going soon.”

“Okay, no problem.” Riza eyed them for a second longer but said nothing more. There was obviously something bothering them. Before Riza could dwell on it any further, Winry came into view in her hallway.

“Hi.” Her voice was quiet but there was a tug of a smile at the corner of her mouth.

“Winry…” Edward’s face was pained as he set his gaze upon her.

“You promised me you’d tell me everything.” Winry commanded their attention. It wasn’t harsh, it was gentle. Riza understood the feeling of being left in the dark with nothing other to do than worry about the people she loved, so she only hoped the brothers would honour Winry’s request.

Edward regarded Winry silently for a moment before he nodded. “All right. We will.”

“Thank you for your hospitality, Riza,” Winry smiled at her.

“Of course, Winry. You’re welcome.”

“I, um, I think I’m going to head back to my hotel though. I’m a little tired and…” Winry glanced over at Edward, who shot her a quizzical look. “And we need to talk,” she finished.

“You’re going?” Mia’s voice piped up, sounding so disappointed that her friends weren’t staying.

“They have something important to talk about, Mia,” Riza explained. “They need to go for now.”

“But you’ll come back soon?” Her eyes were wide as she looked up at the three teenagers in turn, begging them to say yes. “I miss you guys!”

“I promise,” Winry nodded. “I’ll try my best.”

“We will too,” Alphonse chipped in.

“Okay then,” Mia agreed.

“You three take care now, all right?” Riza narrowed her eyes, waiting for them to agree.

“We will,” they all promised.

“I’ll see you soon. Remember, if you ever need anything, just give us a call.”

Winry’s smile was small but genuine as she turned and gave Riza a wave while walking down the path.

As they walked away, they revealed who was waiting for them in the car at the side of the street. The driver wasn’t someone Riza knew, but she recognised the man in the back. There was no way she wouldn’t be able to pick out Fuhrer Bradley.

He turned his head as the trio approached, smiling at them in greeting, his one eye crinkling at the edges. He gave off the image of a doting grandfather who was looking out for his grandchildren. However, when the three teens passed out of his sight to round the car, his smile dropped. His expression wasn’t menacing however it made Riza’s skin crawl. His one eye met Riza’s gaze head on, and she shuddered underneath it’s scrutiny.

“I’m glad we found your friend,” Riza heard Bradley say as they climbed in the car. “You boys need to make sure you protect her.”

It sounded like a threat. Riza was torn. She wanted to call those kids back inside her house and wait for the Fuhrer to leave so she could drive them to their hotel herself. However, the car quickly pulled out into the street and drove off.

* * *

An urgent knock at the door drew Riza’s attention away from the dishes late that evening. Riza stopped what she was doing and approached it cautiously. After her last pseudo visitor, she’d been unsettled all evening.

Before Riza could even make it out of the kitchen, the knock sounded again, impatient, banging loudly. Cursing their visitor, Riza hurried forward before they could pound on it again and awake her daughter.

Peeking through the curtain to see who would be demanding such an audience at this hour, Riza’s stomach dropped. Thankfully, Mia was already asleep, because Roy was leaning heavily against Fuery’s side, looking pained and worse for wear, with a worrying patch of blood forming on his shirt.

“What –?”

Riza had thrown open her front door so quickly that it surprised Fuery and the smaller man almost lost his grip on Roy. Lunging forward, she looped Roy’s arm over her shoulder and helped Fuery carry him inside.

“What happened?” Her initial surprise and fear were shelved for the moment as she carried her husband inside their home.

Roy groaned in their arms and hung his head. Her worry spiked along with her heart rate.

“It appears the Colonel overdid it a bit,” Fuery answered.

Riza grit her teeth and tried not to get too angry.

“I’m fine!” he argued.

“Clearly,” Riza snapped at him.

“We captured Gluttony and, well,” Fuery grimaced, “things were messy. I think the Colonel just stretched his wound. It doesn’t seem to be anything too serious.”

“In here,” Riza directed Fuery to Roy’s study. It was the closest room to the front door, and she didn’t want any of the blood staining his shirt to drip on the carpet. It would make Mia curious and there would be no way she’d be able to get the stain out.

“Doctor Knox said he’d be fine. We just needed to keep an eye on it and make sure the bleeding stops. If it does then he’ll be all right.”

“It better stop,” Riza muttered underneath her breath.

“Riza –”

“You got him, Fuery?”

When he nodded, she stepped away and began to clear the files off the desk. Gathering them up, Riza put them in a haphazard pile on the floor. She didn’t care if they were in some kind of order. Knowing her husband, probably not, or it was more of an “organised chaos”. Still, getting him sitting down was more important.

“Get him on the desk,” Riza directed.

“The desk?”

Riza ignored Roy’s question and slight protest, helping Fuery so Roy was sitting on top of it. Once he was settled, Roy leant into his sore side and clutched it.

Fuery let out a sigh of relief, shaking his arms and rolling his shoulders after carrying Roy’s weight.

“Thank you for bringing him home, Fuery.” Riza forced her tone to be soft and grateful as she turned to address the Sergeant. Anger would serve no purpose here.

“Of course, Ma’am. It was no problem.”

“I’ll take it from here if you need to go?”

“I would much appreciate that, Ma’am.”

“Okay, take care, Fuery.”

“I will. Sir,” he saluted at Roy. “Take care of yourself too. Give us a call if you need anything.”

“We will,” she reassured him.

After seeing Fuery out, Riza hurried into the kitchen where she kept her first aid bag. Grabbing the whole thing, she returned to Roy’s study. As she opened the door he was groaning, halfway through removing his shirt. Placing the bag down, Riza approached and helped him, swallowing her worry for the moment as she tried not to touch the patch of blood soaking his shirt. It was right through the dressing.

As she disposed of the shirt in the wastebin in his study, Roy peeled back the dressing. “It looks all right,” he told her.

Saying nothing, Riza pulled on a pair of gloves and removed his hands from the white pad. Taking a deep breath, she began to remove it. Gnarled skin came into view, smeared in blood. Although he’d cauterised the wound, there was a clear puncture wound. The skin was still mottled but there was a small circle where it was pulled tighter and there was a ring of blood around it, where the sensitive skin was still healing. It was _large_, just like she’d feared inside the hospital. For such a small wound there was a _lot_ of burned skin.

A horrifying thought came to Riza. He’d been stabbed and was probably losing a lot of blood. It was likely he couldn’t focus enough to pinpoint the accuracy and to realise how much fire he was using.

Riza raised the back of her hand to cover her mouth.

He must have been in so much pain.

“Riza –!”

“I’m fine,” she forced out. She didn’t even look at him. If she did, she’d break down with her realisation and Roy needed her right now to clean him up.

Pulling the rest of the dressing away, she placed it atop his desk and lifted the cleaning alcohol. Her teeth were clenched together so hard she thought her jaw may snap. Riza picked up a swab and got to work, the two of them silent.

“Are you angry with me?”

Riza finally looked up from cleaning the blood on his abdomen. He looked like a small child, wondering if a parent was furious with them. Riza’s silence was because she was trying to reign in her concern and frustration whereas Roy’s silence was him trying not to appear as hurt as he seemed. Riza could see right through it.

But no, she wasn’t angry. She was relieved he was home. She was frustrated at his disregard for his own health but knew that he didn’t stretch his wound on purpose. That emotion had drained out of her the moment she saw it.

Riza shook her head. “No.”

“What are you feeling?”

Her lips were pressed into a thin line as she returned to cleaning up the rest of the blood.

“Let me get through this first, then I’ll tell you.”

Nothing more was said after that while Riza worked. Every so often his abs would tense in pain, but he uttered no sound. She could see his fingers fidgeting. Roy wanted to speak, to say something, but he honoured her request. The only reason she’d asked was because if she opened her mouth again, the bile that was roiling inside her stomach may spring forth without warning.

“Done.”

Riza pressed a new dressing over his wound, hiding it from view. However, even with it covered, Riza would never forget the sight of it. The angry red skin, the large burn mark, the blood… She’d never be able to remove it from her mind.

Roy took a deep breath and straightened his posture, testing his limits now that there was a new dressing on. He grimaced but let out the breath he’d held in a rush. He nodded to Riza. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Riza just nodded.

“I know you’re going to hate me for saying this, but I need to go to HQ.”

She finally let her frustration show. “Roy. Can you not rest for… _five minutes_?”

A knock at their front door stopped any further argument. Shooting him a warning look, Riza stood to leave the room.

“Do not move,” she commanded through clenched teeth.

“Mrs. Mustang,” Fuhrer King Bradley greeted with a warm smile on his face. Behind him, his bodyguards stood to attention on either side, backs to him, and scanning the street ahead.

Riza’s grip on the door handle tightened considerably. Luckily, it was inside the house, and the Fuhrer wouldn’t be able to see her reaction to seeing him at her front door. _Why was he even here?_

“I just wanted to thank you for taking care of one of my soldier’s friends this afternoon.”

Forcing the bile down in her throat, Riza nodded, the warning that Bradley may be somehow connected to the homunculi settling heavily on her mind. “It was not a problem, Sir.”

“I also wanted to check up on Colonel Mustang. I hear he sustained a rather nasty wound recently.” His one eye opened and seemed to pin Riza in place. “I was unable to pay him a visit in the hospital, but I heard this afternoon he was discharged.” His tone was smooth and pleasant, but that stare told another story. Its intensity was back and was unrelenting.

“He was, yes,” Riza replied. “He’s actually resting right now, so is unable to see any visitors.”

“Darn,” he chuckled. Riza tried not to think how sinister it sounded. “I’ve missed him again. It appears us meeting wasn’t meant to be,” he grinned. It did nothing to soothe Riza’s unease. “Apologies for the disturbance, Mrs. Mustang. I’ll be going.”

Riza nodded. “It’s not a problem, Sir.” It wasn’t a problem, but it didn’t mean she wanted to see him again. In fact, in the future, Bradley could stay as far away as possible from her.

“A wonderful family you have, Mrs. Mustang. Make sure you take care of them.” He tilted his head down slightly, his eye fixating on hers, and Riza felt her blood run cold.

Was he… threatening her?

Without another word, Bradley turned on his heel and walked away. Lifting a hand, he offered her a wave as he walked, but he never looked back.

“Lovely to meet you, Mrs. Mustang,” he called, “enjoy the rest of your night.”

He entered his car and it drove off, leaving Riza standing on her doorstep. She had to force her hand to loosen its grip on the door handle.

That probably had been a threat. So did that mean… he knew what Roy was up to? Or had an inkling of it?

Unable to stop her shudder, Riza slammed the door closed, forgetting there was a sleeping child in the house. It was locked hastily and after she did so, Riza’s palms came to rest against it as she tried to calm herself. Her palms were sweating, and her hands shook slightly, remembering the look in Bradley’s eye as he told her to take care of her family. In her mind, Mia flashed into view. A hand moved from the door to come to rest upon the bump on her stomach. Gritting her teeth, Riza vowed no harm would come to her family. That bastard wouldn’t touch any of them.

Finally recovered from the unsettling encounter, Riza turned in place and saw Roy staring at her. No, he wasn’t staring at her. He was looking past her, at their front door. It was as if he could see through it. Dread clawed up her throat when she saw the look in his eyes. It was murderous.


	28. promise me you'll never leave my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! apologies for the long wait for this chapter. hopefully the length makes up for that a little 👀 i wanted to include this whole moment in one chapter to progress the plot and also give myself some time to do some non canon related plot too! mia's birthday is coming up 👀 and i wonder what our loveable duo has planned for her?
> 
> hope you enjoy!
> 
> song for this chapter: bring me the horizon – follow you

## 1914

** _ cross your heart and hope to die _ **

** _ promise me you'll never leave my side _ **

“Roy –”

His eyes flashed as they jerked away from the door. His glare was intense and Riza felt taken aback by it, even though she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She couldn’t get over that burning hatred in his eyes for Bradley.

“You’re leaving.” It wasn’t even a question. Given the anger festering and rolling off Roy in waves, Riza didn’t think she’d be able to stop him even if she tried. She wanted to, just to give his body more time to recover, but the effort would be fruitless.

Roy’s hands clenched into fists by his side. They tightened their grip as he strode over to her with purpose. It looked like he was ready to walk out the door right that second. Roy against the world, blood still smeared on his abdomen and shirtless.

“How _ dare _he –”

“Calm down.” Riza’s voice was as gentle as her touch. A hand was pressed to his cheek and the other moved to rest upon his bare chest, right above his heart. It beat furiously underneath her palm, speaking of his fury and indignation. His emotions were raging but it would do him no good to leave now, guns blazing, in a fit of rage. He would not win that battle.

Immediately, Roy stilled. Blinking, he looked down at her, as if suddenly breaking from a trance. His eyes closed for a second, giving himself a mental shake before opening them. In those dark orbs anger still festered, but it lurked behind his grim acceptance of her wish.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“How dare he threaten you,” he seethed quietly. His hard stare was back on their door, jaw locking as he restrained himself.

“I thought it sounded like a threat too,” Riza admitted.

Her stomach turned at the thought because that meant they may be onto Roy and his mission to take Bradley down. With no way of being able to confirm if that were true or not, her unease skyrocketed. The memory of Bradley’s one eye on her, pinning her in place, made her skin crawl even more than it had before. She shuddered gently, and Roy noticed.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he promised vehemently. His head jerked, looking away from the door, so he could rest his determined gaze upon hers. His hands gripped her elbows securely.

Expression suddenly turning thoughtful, Roy cocked his head in thought while his posture relaxed. Riza could see the cogs working inside of his head, running a mile a minute. She could tell his thoughts were racing as he tried to come up with some kind of strategy or promise to her.

“Perhaps living with my mother for a bit –”

“Roy,” Riza snapped at him, her hands falling to her sides in indignation. He jumped, eyebrows tugging down into a frown. She wasn’t going to run away from him at a moment’s notice. If push came to shove, they’d get Mia out to Chris’, maybe, depending on how the situation evolved, but she wouldn’t abandon him. _ They _ wouldn’t abandon him. Especially not now.

“What?” His reply was curt, irritated that his train of thought had been interrupted.

“I won’t let anything happen to _ you _ either.”

Riza softened her tone and her shoulders, letting everything negative flow out of her in a breath. Although annoyed he’d jumped and taken such a large leap, it was because he was panicking. Not obviously, but she could feel the sweat on his palms and could see he was bristling with nervous energy. Roy may need action but that was not the correct course.

“I’m not going to leave you.”

“You should –”

“Oh –” Riza interrupted him but had to cut herself off before she really let her irritation show. She stepped back out of his hold and threw her hands up into the air to try to dispel her frustration. “Stop it. _ Maybe _, Mia could go,” she relented, turning back to face him, “but that’s something we would discuss properly, and not in a fit of panic. We don’t even know what that conversation meant yet either,” she reminded him, “but I’m not going anywhere.”

He sighed in frustration. “Stubborn one, aren’t you?” He muttered it, narrowing his eyes, but Riza heard the affection in his tone.

“Of course,” she nodded, unashamed, “but so are you, remember?”

Another sigh left his body, his chest heaving as he inhaled, his exhale long and drawn out as he calmed himself.

“Together,” he confirmed. “We’ll discuss it together.”

“Of course we will.” Angling her head, Riza pecked his cheek. “Be safe going back out there,” she commanded, her tone becoming serious.

“Always.”

She raised a sardonic eyebrow at him. Recent events painted that promise as a lie.

“Listen,” he argued lightly, suddenly defensive, "_I _ didn’t know Gluttony was going to turn himself into a black hole. None of us could have prepared for that, so technically,” he raised a finger into the air, “that wasn’t my fault.”

Riza patted the skin above his heart. “I… don’t even want to ask what that means. Just…” She sighed heavily, dropping her head. She didn’t know what to say. Every time she’d said goodbye to him today, it felt like she was saying goodbye forever and Riza hated it. Her stomach churned, almost painfully, like it did every other time, except this was worse. He would be walking into the belly of the beast, completely alone.

Before she could dwell for too long Roy’s fingers held her chin lightly, lifting her head back up to face him. Slowly, he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers. His touch was light but Riza wanted more. As soon as she deepened the kiss, Roy responded, as if he’d been waiting on her to initiate it. His arms snaked around her back so he could pull her body as close to his as possible. It was difficult with her pregnant stomach, but Riza appreciated the gesture. Her hands gripped his shoulders tightly, nails biting into his skin in her desperation to have that closeness with him.

They parted, breathing heavily, foreheads resting together. If Riza could restrain him completely, she’d keep Roy here in this moment forever. She wouldn’t let him leave to go fight unknown by himself. It would have made her feel better if he’d take some back up, but it was late, and Roy wouldn’t call on his team at this hour for their support. Not that they would be able to do much anyway. If Bradley wanted a meeting with Roy, he would give him that, but Bradley would ensure it was private.

“I’ll always come back to you,” he promised. One arm was removed from her back and came to rest upon her stomach. “To all of you.”

“I know,” Riza nodded slowly so she didn’t jostle his head too much. Pulling back, she smiled up at him. “Do you want a ride to Command?”

Roy shook his head. “It’s late. You should get some sleep.”

“I love you.” She gave him a quick kiss before he could pull away from her completely to go and get ready to leave.

The bed was cold and empty without Roy. Riza tried to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. Her brain was whirring as she tossed and turned, unable to remove the sight of his scars from her mind’s eye. Her heart hurt for him. He must have been in so much pain after doing that to himself… A single tear rolled down her cheek as her eyelids fluttered closed.

Blearily, Riza’s eyes blinked awake at six o’clock. It arrived a lot quicker than expected. There was little light from outside, the turning of the seasons drawing out the nights to make them longer. A quiet groan left her throat as she blinked the sleep from her eyes, the lids feeling heavy and pained from lack of sleep. Her fingers found her forehead, rubbing it gently as she gave herself a few more minutes to relax before getting up.

Roy hadn’t come home through the night. Riza didn’t know what to expect when he left, but she’d hoped she’d at least see him in the morning. Her stomach twisted with worry. Rolling onto her back, Riza’s arm bumped against a pillow restricting her movements. It was Roy’s. She’d moved it in her sleep, probably to hug it against her. It wasn’t the first time she’d done so and wouldn’t be the last either. Subconsciously she’d clung to a poor substitute for her husband, but at least the smell of him was still on the fabric. It brought her a slight hint of peace.

Staring up at the ceiling, going over everything in her mind, Riza felt a flutter in her stomach. Blinking, she paused, the sensation halting her thought process. Then there was another. A smile spread across Riza’s face and a hand automatically moved to rest atop her stomach.

“Good morning to you too,” she whispered to their child, caressing her skin.

There was a tiny kick in response and Riza lay there for a few moments longer, enjoying the tiny movements. It helped calm her and soothe her worries for the moment.

She knew she needed to keep calm and level-headed for the baby, and for Roy’s sake too, but it was so hard. It was difficult not to worry when she couldn’t see him with her own eyes, protect him with her own hands, and watch his back like she’d promised she would. Increased stress and anxiety would not benefit their child in the slightest, but she also couldn’t let it go. Not when he was essentially being targeted by the head of the State Military and God knows what else.

Perhaps she should take up yoga. At least for a brief escape from her own mind.

Riza huffed at the idea. As if she had the time. With Mia at school during the day, all her time was taken up by doing coursework for her teaching degree. Now their daughter was older, Riza didn’t want to waste any time with Mia when she was home, so she made sure to try and complete everything necessary before Mia returned from school.

Pulling herself up from the bed, Riza busied herself and her mind with the preparations for the day. She could either be active or lie there and dwell on Roy’s unknown situation for hours.

“Morning Mum,” Mia greeted tiredly, joining Riza in the kitchen. A small hand rubbed at her eyes as Hayate padded to wait beside Mia, looking up at Riza expectantly. He was waiting for his own breakfast.

“Good morning, Mia,” Riza called over her shoulder, rising onto her tiptoes to reach for a glass for Mia’s water. “Head through to the dining room. I’ll bring your toast through to you.”

“Okay,” she mumbled, eyes half closed.

Riza placed a plate in front of Mia, manoeuvring around Hayate, who’d chosen to sit right beside Mia’s chair at the table. He was still looking up at Riza expectantly, waiting to be fed, but made no noise. He was patient as he watched Riza move around the room.

“Did you sleep well?” Riza bent at the waist, kissing the top of her daughter’s head.

“Uh hu,” Mia nodded tiredly. “I’m still sleepy.” Her declaration bordered on a whine, and Riza could sympathise with her.

“I know. You’ll wake up soon though. And you can have an early night tonight when you come home from school. That will make you feel better tomorrow.”

Like every child, the thought of going to bed early horrified Mia. That would limit her play time, and she would never want that. Mia’s spine straightened immediately, and her eyes were forced open wide in an effort to not appear tired in the slightest. “Oh…”

“We’ll see how you feel when you come home,” Riza added, although she knew Mia would play it off as not being tired as soon as she stepped in the door.

“Okay,” Mia nodded. She looked around the room, her head craning from side to side earnestly. “Where’s Dad?” She sounded so disappointed to not see him and, once again, Riza could sympathise.

“He left to go to work early,” Riza replied. It wasn’t a lie. Leaving the night before for work was certainly early.

Mia didn’t think too much more of it. She shrugged as Riza stooped to provide Hayate with his food bowl and fresh water. “Okay.”

After a brisk walk to school in the cool autumn wind, Riza was just sitting down to do her coursework when the phone rang. Placing down the hot mug of tea, freshly poured to warm her up, Riza walked through the house and prayed this call was Roy finally getting in touch with her.

“Hey,” Roy greeted through the phone. He sounded incredibly tired, but happy to speak to her. “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you too,” she replied, smiling to herself as she remembered saying the same greeting a few hours ago to their little one. Riza leaned her shoulder and temple against the wall beside the phone and cupped her stomach. Her own relief was palpable in her voice.

“Sorry for not calling earlier. I knew you’d be getting Mia ready for school.”

“That’s okay. You’re calling now.”

“Are you all right?”

“Perfectly fine,” she confirmed.

“Good, good.” He trailed off and Riza waited expectantly for something further, but Roy was silent.

“How are you this morning?”

“Oh, yes, fine,” Roy reassured. It certainly didn’t sound it but Riza wouldn’t ask over the phone. After Bradley’s warning the night before and Roy not coming home it was obvious something had happened. However, he was alive and talking to her. That was all she needed at the moment. She wanted to talk to _ him _, not Colonel Mustang.

“What time will you be home tonight?”

“Normal time.” His tone was firm, determined. “It’s been a busy morning,” Roy added, “but I’ll have everything done by the end of the day. I wouldn’t want to miss coming home to you.”

Riza smiled. “Pre-warning, if you’re late, your dinner will probably end up burnt or eaten.”

“All the more reason to get home on time then, right?” She could hear his grin through the phone.

“Exactly. Either that or Mia will feed it to Hayate.”

“Don’t let that dog steal my food!”

Riza laughed at his horrified tone. “Then you better be home for six.”

“Oh, I definitely will now,” Roy vowed. “I’m not letting the mutt steal my dinner for a third time,” he muttered darkly, mostly to himself.

“It’s a hard life for you, isn’t it?”

“The hardest life,” he groaned dramatically.

“Okay,” Riza relented, “I will keep his paws off your food.”

“I would love you forever if you did.”

“You mean…” Riza smirked, twirling the cord around her fingers as a wicked idea occurred to her. “You weren’t already going to love me forever?”

Roy paused for a beat, left stumped.

“Hm,” Riza hummed, “maybe Hayate will be let up at the table tonight while we wait on you…”

“Riza Mustang, you _ know _ I will love you for all eternity,” Roy practically purred through the phone.

“Oh? Hm, I’ll have to see it to believe it,” she shrugged.

“Just wait until I get home,” he vowed.

His comment made her snort. “That’s a bit inappropriate for the work phone, isn’t it?”

“I just call it as it is,” he chuckled.

“Okay then, Mr. Love, I’ll let you get back to it. I can’t take up all the time of such a high-ranking officer.”

“You can take up all of my time any day, Riza.”

“I’m sure those in charge will love that.”

“What can I say, you’re worth it.”

The side of Riza’s mouth tugged into a smile. He was so sweet. Her love for Roy washed over her, pooling in her chest with such a warmth that she wanted him home right that second so she could see and hold him.

“What are you up to today?”

“Roy,” Riza laughed quietly, “you need to go back to work.”

“Indulge me,” he replied, but she could hear the hint of pleading in his tone. “Just this one question. I’m on a break anyway.”

Riza raised an eyebrow at his poor deflection but didn’t question it. She missed him and wanted to talk to him. “I’m supposed to be studying and doing coursework, but I’m talking to you instead. You’re making my tea cold.”

“Oh right! You have that exam coming up soon, right?”

Riza nodded. “I do. Hopefully, the little one doesn’t come before it, but to be honest, I wouldn’t mind. It would give me more time to study for it.”

“You will ace it,” Roy replied confidently. “I have every faith. Even if you didn’t study for it, you would.”

“You’re sweet.”

“And you’re smart as hell.”

“And you should be going back to work.”

“Okay,” he replied sullenly. “I’ll let you get back to your work too. Can’t have you drinking cold tea,” he quipped. “Have a good day, Riza. I love you.”

“Love you too, Roy,” she chuckled.

The phone was placed back on the wall. Letting out a breath, Riza let her relief swallow her whole. He was okay. Roy had sounded tired and strained. Something had definitely occurred through the night, but he was his regular self as they spoke. What had happened though, still remained a mystery. She was sure she’d find out when he returned home. It was enough to know that he was well.

* * *

Hayate’s ears perked up suddenly and he paused while playing with Mia. Riza lifted an eyebrow to his reaction, waiting to see what had gotten his attention. He barked once, abandoning Mia to walk towards the door of their living room.

“Hayate!” Mia called indignantly, annoyed he’d stopped playing their game.

He stopped at the threshold, barking once, at the same time there was a knock at the door.

“Hello, Edward,” Riza greeted. She was surprised to see him. He didn’t often call on them without reason, so she was already wondering what had happened for him to appear.

“Hello, Mrs. Mustang.” He cleared his throat but Riza had noticed the slight catch in his voice when he spoke.

“Would you like to come in?”

“Yes, please.”

Mia’s eyes lit up when they both walked into their living room. “Ed!” Her cry was happy and excited as she rushed over to him. “Hi!” Eyes sparkling with excitement, she looked up at their unexpected visitor. 

“Hi, Mia,” Edward waved. His posture relaxed and an easy smile overtook his features, banishing the unease Riza had sensed in him upon arrival.

“It’s nice to see you again, Ed,” Riza remarked. “What can I do for you today?”

Riza caught his quick glance at Mia. Edward hesitated, pausing with his mouth open before snapping it closed again. His hands clenched into loose fists by his side and that agitation was back in his demeanor.

“Mia?” She called over to their daughter but not before giving Edward’s anxious body language another once over. “Ed and I need to discuss something privately for a little while. Would you mind going into the garden to play with Hayate so we can have some privacy?”

Edward’s eyes snapped up to Riza’s, but her attention remained on her daughter as she awaited an answer.

“Okay, Mum,” Mia replied happily, nonplussed and unaware of the tension residing in her friend. Her head cocked to the side, looking up at her mother. “Is everything okay?”

“Perfectly fine, Mia Bear,” Riza grinned. “We just have some adult things to talk about, that’s all.”

Mia shrugged and turned to look for her dog. “Come on, Hayate! Let’s go into the garden and play fetch!”

The dog’s ears perked up at the mention of the word ‘fetch’, his little tail wagging quickly as he agreed with a happy bark. They both ran for the kitchen and Riza heard their back door open and close with a slam.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Riza walked into the kitchen, reaching up to the cabinets above her head to grab a mug for herself. She sensed that whatever Edward was here to speak to her about would take a little while.

“Oh, uh…”

“Tea? Coffee? Water?”

“Coffee, please,” he replied.

“Head through to the table,” Riza directed, nodding her head towards the set of doors that led to their dining area. “Make yourself comfortable and I’ll be through in a minute.”

“Okay. Thank you, Mrs. Mustang.”

Rolling her eyes fondly, she smirked. “Just call me Riza, Ed,” she added softly.

There was a pause and he stopped walking. “Right. Sorry,” he apologised sheepishly.

“No harm done,” Riza reassured. “Mrs. Mustang is my mother-in-law, not me.” She laughed quietly to herself when she remembered the same conversation she’d had with Winry and Mia not too long ago.

“So, Edward,” Riza announced, pulling out a chair across from the young alchemist. “What can I do for you?”

Movement from Riza’s right caught her eye. She saw Mia run by the window of their kitchen. If this conversation was not for her ears, at least they’d be able to tell if she came back into the house. Anticipation had been itching at Riza as she prepared their hot drinks, desperate to know what had caused such visible discomfort and apprehension in Edward.

“Have you heard the most recent news? From Central?”

“No…” Anticipation was replaced with trepidation. “What’s happened?”

“The Colonel hasn’t told you yet?” He blinked at her, completely thrown off that Roy hadn’t shared this big news. Disapproval flooded his expression, tugging his eyebrows into a deep frown.

“He left late last night to go to Central Command,” Riza explained, stirring her tea calmly and removing the tea bag to place it on a tea plate she’d provided for herself. “He didn’t come home either.”

“Oh.” Edward’s eyes widened with what looked like realisation, then his shoulders slumped. His disapproval quickly faded.

“I’ve spoken to him since then, but something tells me this ‘big news’ probably wasn’t safe to share over a military phone that may or may not be being monitored.” Riza watched for his reaction. Edward’s shoulders stiffened at her calm but firm tone. “Am I correct?”

“Yeah, that’s actually… That was a smart move.” He looked like he’d been scolded, and his agreement was mumbled, like it was such an effort for him to agree that Roy was right on something. Riza ignored it. Whatever was going on was so much bigger than all of them and she was more interested in the sudden, apparently very big, development.

“I’m sure whatever Roy needs me to know, he’ll tell me,” Riza added. “We’ve both been through this together from the start and I don’t anticipate him keeping anything from me now. We’ve been through too much for him to stop now.” Riza forced the image of the scars on his abdomen from her mind.

“I – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate he would –”

Riza waved off his apology. “It’s all right, Edward.”

“Wait. From the start…” His head cocked to the side and Riza watched him silently as he considered something. Taking a sip of her tea, she watched as his eyes widened. “Wait. Given Mia’s age you… You were with him when he was in Ishval?”

So, he’d given it some thought and finally put two and two together.

Riza nodded. “I fell pregnant before he left. Mia was born just before he returned.”

Edward paled as another realisation dawned on him after hearing her statement.

“Roy didn’t want to leave, but obviously he had no other choice but to go with the military.”

“He didn’t have to leave you both,” Edward interjected, appalled when there was no need to be. “He could have stayed!”

Riza took note of the way he spoke. Ed was bordering on being angry at Roy on her behalf. It was a stark reminder of just how young he was. While being hailed as a child prodigy he’d been built up to think he was incredibly intelligent and knowledgeable. And Edward Elric was, Riza didn’t doubt that and wouldn’t take it away from him, but his views on the world were so naïve. She smirked to herself sadly remembering how Roy had proposed his dream to her after her father’s death. They had all been naïve when they were that young, but that didn’t mean Edward had to follow in the footsteps of their mistakes.

“You and I both know it’s not that simple, Ed, and it never will be. Especially after enlisting in the military. They own you,” she added, nodding at him, “and they owned Roy too. Wherever they call to, he would have to follow. Same as you.”

“It’s not like that,” he protested. “Al and I get free reign of the country. We’re not stuck in headquarters.”

“Because Roy makes sure you get the freedom you need,” Riza replied. “I don’t know the exact ins and outs of it, but he fought for you to become his subordinate before you joined so that you could.”

Edward paused, sitting back in his chair in surprise. “He did?”

Riza nodded. “He knew that if your secret got out you’d probably be taken away and interviewed relentlessly about your ability to go through the gate, especially so young. Alphonse would’ve been removed from your side to be studied. A soul being bonded to a suit of armour is a very interesting and curious set of circumstances, especially for the military.”

His body jerked in surprise, looking affronted. “How do you know about Al and I?”

“I told you when we first met I’d already heard all about you. I meant it.”

“It was supposed to be a secret,” Edward scowled.

“Would you trust the person you loved with information such as this? Would you trust Winry with it?”

Edward almost choked on his coffee. He coughed and spluttered, his cheeks heating up, while Riza raised an eyebrow knowingly at his knee jerk reaction.

“I, um, me – I mean, Winry and I – It’s not –”

“Okay,” Riza relented, holding a hand up in surrender. The poor boy would probably have an aneurysm if she continued to push further, but she did hide her smile behind her mug as she took a sip of her tea. He definitely loved her.

“I mean…” He sighed, his face still beetroot red and he refused to meet her eyes. “I see your point,” Edward mumbled.

“Anyway, he couldn’t stay, no matter how much he wanted to,” Riza continued smoothly, going back to their previous conversation. “He had a duty to his country, and he was called up to war.”

“So he was definitely in Ishval,” Edward muttered to himself in grim wonder, sounding glad that piece of information had finally been confirmed for him. However, he stiffened, as if not realising he’d spoken aloud. “Sorry, never mind,” Edward added hurriedly, waving his hands in front of him. “Forget I said that if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t mind talking about it, Edward,” Riza reassured him gently. “It’s a part of our history, after all, and needs to be remembered and discussed. Roy was in Ishval,” Riza confirmed. “As a State Alchemist.”

Edward’s face said it all. It fell, and his mouth hung open. So, he knew enough about the war to have been able to figure some of it out for himself. “Wait, as a State Alchemist? Not just as a soldier?”

“He was a State Alchemist, yes.”

Edward paled further.

“Make no mistake, Edward, Ishval was an extermination campaign, not a war. When Roy returned his eyes had been opened in a painful way. But he bore that suffering, and continues to do so, ensuring people like you in the next generation would never need to. We worked through the aftermath together but it’s still hard.” Riza absentmindedly stared down at the brown liquid in her mug. “The nightmares never really go away. And I helped put him on that path,” Riza added sombrely. “I have responsibility in it too and want to see him succeed in his plans.”

“What do you mean, you have a responsibility?” His voice was incredibly quiet, a far cry from the Edward Elric she was used to. Even the skin of his face had taken on a greenish tinge. Still, he needed to know. He was military and working with Roy against those who’d caused it all. He had a right to know the extent of what he was fighting for.

But he couldn’t know about the tattoo. No one could. Riza shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Know that I did have a part in his course of action though and I want him to see it through to the end, so the military can be removed from power and democracy can take its place.” Her fingers tightened on the mug, knowing what that course of action entailed. 

“Democracy?”

“That’s the only way the nation will change. Once he becomes Fuhrer he’ll devolve all power into parliament, replacing the Fuhrer with a Prime Minister. Then, those who committed war crimes in Ishval can be punished, such as the State Alchemists.” The heat from her tea was burning the tips of her fingers, but Riza still didn’t move them.

“But… The Colonel being a State Alchemist in the war means –”

Edward hadn’t really expected to reach that conclusion from this conversation, Riza knew that much. He may have had an inkling it was coming, but it was likely he didn’t want to accept. And why should a teenager want to accept such things? But that was the way of their world and the progress that came from their past actions. Roy wanted to atone for his sins from Ishval and while the thought of losing him completely terrified and rocked Riza to her core, there was no use in fighting it. He bore that suffering so no one else could in the future. It was his decision and she’d support it. She’d never take that away from him, no matter how much her mind screamed and begged her to reconsider, or how her heart rate kicked up erratically and the thought left her gasping for air in a panic. Roy would be executed for his crimes and there was nothing Riza could do to stop that course if that’s what the people called for. It wouldn’t be fair to the Ishvalans who’d been targeted and lost their lives. She’d known this for years but was still difficult to accept when it was brought up. Not that Riza ever really thought of it, but it was a constant crushing weight that lay in the back of her mind, hidden just out of sight. However, she’d learned to live with it, somewhat. That was the price of her giving him the secrets to flame alchemy and inadvertently causing such a catastrophe as Ishval to occur.

Riza just stared at Edward, unmoving and unflinching as he came to terms with her answer. She hated to do it to him, but she wouldn’t lie. Not about this.

“He’ll – He’ll be _ executed _!”

“I know, Ed.” It hurt even more to hear it voiced aloud.

“And… You’re okay with that?” His cry was out of denial and disbelief and Riza tried not to let it get to her too much, but anger flared inside of her like a beast.

“How can you ask me that?” Her tone was cold, but her expression was almost unchanging. She narrowed her eyes at Edward only slightly, but dangerously. She couldn’t help it.

“But – But – Mia! And… And your new baby!”

“I’m well aware, Edward,” Riza repeated, trying to remain calm. Her heart rate was gearing up again, her skin breaking out in a sweat as she tried not to let the panic consume her. “So is Roy. Ultimately, we won’t know what will happen in the end,” she swallowed, “but if that’s what the people call for due to his past actions, then that’s what he will give. Roy feels he needs to atone for his past sins and I would never take that away from him.”

Riza cleared her throat and forced her swallow past the lump in there. Thinking of their children, so innocent and unaware of what may eventually befall their father, almost killed Riza, but she and Roy would work through it together. They’d explain everything to them when they were old enough about what happened in Ishval and the possible outcome of their plan. They wouldn’t hide from it.

“But don’t think for a second we haven’t considered our children and family.” Riza’s tone changed, her voice becoming stronger. “Believe me, Edward, we’ve been discussing this for years and it never gets any easier to deal with. Especially not right now.”

Edward sat back in his chair, dumbfounded. Nothing was said for a few moments and Riza continued to mentally calm herself down as he processed this new information. A quiet sigh left her, finally letting go of the flare of anger she’d felt towards him briefly before.

_ He’s just young _, Riza reminded herself.

“Hey,” a tired voice announced suddenly, cutting off any further conversation they may have. For a second, Riza thought it was Mia and her eyes instinctively moved to the kitchen window, however she was still playing happily with Hayate outside. “I’m home!”

Rising from her chair, Riza left Edward in their dining room to greet her husband. He was home earlier than he promised. It was just past five o’clock. As she approached, Riza watched as he shrugged out of his military jacket and tossed it carelessly onto the floor by the door. Riza felt a similar disposition towards the military in that moment after her conversation with Edward. The top two buttons of Roy’s shirt were popped open, the collar spread so she could see his chest. A tired but happy smile spread across Roy’s features as he opened his arms. Stepping into them, Riza hugged him tightly, glad he was finally home. She needed his comfort after that heavy talk, and reminder that he wasn’t gone from her side yet.

“I missed you,” he whispered quietly into her hair.

Riza gave him a tight squeeze, letting him know she felt the same way. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“I was kept in a meeting with Bradley all night so couldn’t come home before I was due in for work.”

“That’s okay,” she reassured, pulling away and pressing a hand to his cheek. “You’re home now. And we have a guest.”

His fingers tightened their grip on her protectively as his eyes shot up and looked away, down the hall. After their last surprise visitor, Riza didn’t blame him for his reaction.

“Oh?” Roy’s question was nonchalant, but his grip tightened still.

“Edward Elric came by to say hello.”

Roy’s shoulders slumped and his hands hung loose on her waist. “Oh.”

“He wanted to talk,” Riza added, shooting him a pointed look. “And we discussed our future plans.”

Roy nodded in acceptance.

“So, sorry. Dinner hasn’t even been started yet.”

Roy tutted and rolled his eyes playfully while Riza just nudged him.

“At least I can fend Hayate off from it myself tonight,” he joked, giving her a quick kiss and another tight hug.

“Good evening, Fullmetal,” Roy greeted, walking into their dining room where he was still sitting, gripping his coffee cup tightly.

“Colonel,” Edward nodded.

“Did you come to steal my thunder and share my news before me?”

Edward glowered at Roy. Riza nudged his side with her elbow.

“Don’t be such a child,” she scolded. “He came by for a chat. And it’s always nice for friends to stop by,” she smiled at Edward, trying to channel that he shouldn’t feel bad for his outburst during their future plans. They’d both gotten a little worked up. He still looked slightly nervous and regretful. “And once _ you’ve _finished acting like a child,” she added, turning to Roy and pointing over his shoulder, “you can go outside and say hello to our own. She missed you this morning too.”

Riza went to pull away from his hold, but Roy didn’t let her move far. He bent his head down, kissing her cheek. “Okay, I’ll go and see her now.”

“We never got as far as your ‘big news’ though,” Riza added, “but you’ve both succeeded in making me incredibly curious.”

“I’ll explain everything when I come back,” Roy promised. “It’s…” He grimaced. “Well, it’s certainly something.”

“Take your time with Mia,” Riza smiled, patting his shoulder twice.

“Mia?” Roy called into their garden, stepping outside into the afternoon sun’s low rays.

A loud gasp reached Riza’s ears before the door clicked shut quietly. “Dad!”

Through the window, Riza saw Mia race by and throw herself into her father’s arms as Hayate barked happily by their sides, his tail wagging and tongue lolling in greeting.

“I should probably get going,” Edward announced. “I don’t want to take up more of your evening.”

Riza shook her head. “I’m always open to visits from a friend, Edward. Don’t worry about him,” she jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “He gets snarky when he’s tired.”

Edward coughed, trying to hide his laugh.

“Although, something tells me you’ve noticed that already,” Riza grinned.

He didn’t answer for a beat. “Maybe once or twice,” he admitted quietly.

“He respects you, Edward. Despite being sharp with you. I do too. You’re working so hard towards your goal, but please…” Riza paused for a second, thinking of a way to word her thoughts correctly. “You’re still young. Rest when you need to. And talk to someone if you feel overwhelmed by everything.”

“I will,” he promised.

“And I’m sure Winry will appreciate a call every once in a while too. She worries and cares about you a lot.” His cheeks reddened, just like they’d done before. “She would love to hear from you and know you’re safe.”

“Yeah,” Edward coughed, cheeks still red. “Yeah,” he repeated, sounding defeated, “I need to be better at that.”

“Just one phone call every now and then can go a long way. Believe me.”

“Okay.” Edward nodded, his spine straightening as he squared his shoulders. “Thank you for talking with me about everything too. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry for my outbursts,” he added sheepishly.

“Not a problem, Edward. Take some time to process everything. I know that was a lot. And whatever is going on, you and Alphonse can always call on us to help,” Riza reminded. “Winry too.”

“Thank you, Riza.”

* * *

“So…” Riza swallowed thickly, processing what Roy had announced to her. “They’re all gone?” She fell back, coming to rest on the couch cushions behind her, stunned.

Roy nodded slowly. The movement was controlled. His shoulders held a lot of tension as he leaned forward. His hands, clenched together, covered his mouth while his elbows rested on his knees.

“Falman to the north, Breda to the west, Fuery to the south,” Roy repeated. His torso expanded with a sigh, which was let out loudly around his fists. “Havoc’s moving back east to live with his family. He’s leaving the military.”

She expected this move would happen for Havoc, but to have the other three ripped from him as well… Now there was no one Roy trusted implicitly inside his office.

“I’m sorry, Roy.”

He shrugged, but she saw the helpless look in his eyes. “It is what it is.”

“It’s shit. That’s what it is.”

Roy snorted then coughed. “Yes,” he agreed with a chuckle. Straightening, Roy wrapped his arm around her back and laid his head against her shoulder. “Yes, it is.”

Lifting her hand, she ran her fingers through his dark hair. Going against the grain, she lifted the strands from the back of his head so they spilled in between her fingers, carpeting the back of her hand with a gentle softness and warmth. Roy hummed quietly underneath her, appreciative.

“We’ll get through this,” Riza whispered. “We always do.”

“I’m just worried about anything further happening,” Roy admitted. The arm around her back tightened its grip.

“Do you have any reason to?”

His body tensed. “You came up in the meeting with Bradley. He insinuated what he could do if I didn't comply.”

Her hand stilled in his hair.

“Please don’t stop,” Roy whispered with a hitch in his voice.

Recovering from another shock, her head turned and looked down at him, but Roy didn’t move. His weight grew heavier against the side of her body. Riza restarted moving her hand through his hair with what she hoped were gentle and soothing movements. He needed them right now.

“What was insinuated?” Riza swallowed. She didn’t really want to know but her morbid curiosity got the better of her.

“Well. The worst thing imaginable.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

So, she’d most likely be killed.

“I’m so sorry.” Roy’s voice was husky, and a hand lifted to press protectively over her stomach. “I didn’t intend for this to happen.”

“Roy, nothing’s happened,” she reminded him gently.

“Yes, but it _ could _. And it was me that put you in harm’s way.”

“I signed up for this remember.” Riza pulled away from him. Grasping his shoulders, she righted his body so he was straight. Staring into his dark, shining eyes, Riza cupped his cheeks firmly in her hands. “I knew from the start it wouldn’t be plain sailing. We _ both _ did. And we’re both committed to it. Do they have any reason to harm you?”

Roy shook his head best he could in her grip. “No. I’m important to them for whatever reason.”

“Okay.” That was a big relief to her. “So, as long as you play by their rules, we have nothing to fear?”

“I did that once before.” Something flashed in his eyes as he remembered Ishval. That cut off her feeling of relief immediately. Dread took its place, clawing at her insides relentlessly. “And I don’t want to have to do it again.”

“I don’t want you to either.” She didn’t know what else to say to that. He was stuck. They’d taken his team hostage as well as her, in a way. Her discomfort returned tenfold.

Roy looked like he needed it, so Riza drew him into a tight side hug. His hands clutched at her blouse, forming fists to scrunch up the material. One of her hands gripped his shoulder tightly while the other returned to his hair, running her hands gently through it.

“At least we still have each other,” Riza reasoned, going over everything inside her head. “At least we’re still together. They haven’t moved us apart. And we have our family and our health.”

“If they tried to keep us apart then I really would tell a homunculus where to shove it,” Roy muttered into the crook of her neck.

Chuckling, Riza smoothed down his hair, giving it a pat. “That would be a stupid move.”

“Satisfying, though,” he mumbled petulantly.

“Very satisfying,” Riza agreed. “I’ll support that.”

Roy heaved a sigh, his breath heating up the skin of her neck. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

His grip on her shifted, his hands relaxing from their fists. “You’re always such a calming force for me.”

“I’m happy to help,” she smiled. “Always. Anything for you.”

“I thought I was in real trouble when I was talking to Bradley. I really did. Then after it… Everyone had received their transfer papers while I was in the meeting. Fullmetal and Alphonse were there too. I’m surprised Bradley didn’t remove them, but he didn’t seem to care about their mission of getting their bodies back.”

Riza nodded. “What happened after the meeting?”

“I wanted to call, but I knew you’d be getting Mia ready for school. It killed me not to let you know I was okay. But I just wanted to say that our phone call helped a lot.”

“Good.” That made Riza ecstatic to hear.

“You can probably expect more of them from now on,” he smiled, finally pulling away from her. “If my phone is being monitored then I want them to be bored out of their mind listening to me profess my love for you,” he winked playfully.

“You sound exactly like Maes,” Riza smiled, a pang of sadness going through her heart.

“Then I learned from the best,” Roy grinned.

The phone rang loudly and suddenly, interrupting their moment. Regrettably, she moved away from Roy’s side and walked through to the hall, picking it up to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Riza!” Rebecca Catalina called cheerily down the phone. “I’m coming to town this weekend. What would you say to us having a girl’s night out?”

It was eerie how well this phone call had been timed. Riza relaxed her shoulders as her friend proposed what honestly sounded like a fantastic idea after a stressful start to the week.

“Rebecca, you read my mind.”

Roy came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pecking her cheek. He didn’t move, just remained there, holding her tightly. Riza appreciated the comfort he brought with him and leaned back into his embrace, savouring the feeling after her long night and day without him.

“_ Fantastic _ ,” Rebecca cried, “because I am desperate for one. _ Especially _ after the juicy gossip I just heard, straight from Central Command!”


	29. better than i used to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for such a long break but it was literally just life that happened and stopped me from writing as much as i wanted to ;;__;; hopefully with nano ongoing atm i can get some extra motivation from that to get the next chapter finished up asap!
> 
> song for this chapter: mat kearney - better than i used to be

## 1914

** _never thought love never thought life_ **

** _could take us far beyond what we believed_ **

** _as long as i got your love next to me_ **

** _better than i used to be_ **

“So.” Rebecca threw herself into the chair, barely waiting for Riza to even sit down at the table in the back room of Chris’ bar. “_What_ has been going on in Central, Riza?” Her voice was hushed as she leaned forward eagerly in her chair.

Rebecca’s urgency had startled poor Sheska before Riza could even greet her with a hello. Eyes owlish but full of concern, Riza paused as she turned to greet their friend.

“I’ll tell you all that I know, but it’s not much,” Riza replied. “But first,” she added, turning to face Sheska, “hi.”

“Hello,” Sheska nodded. A timid smile overtook her concern, but the crease in between her eyebrows quickly returned. “What’s going on?” Nerves had settled in Sheska, making her shift in her chair and also tip forward to hear what Riza was going to share.

Poor woman. Riza felt for her. When she’d called and invited Sheska out it really was to spend some time together of an evening, but now she would be dragged into this whole thing. That’s not what Riza wanted for her.

Resigning herself, Riza let out a sigh. “I really don’t think here’s the best place at the moment –”

As if on cue, someone approached from behind Rebecca. The woman’s expression changed as she walked, moving from neutral to breaking out into a bright grin as soon as she made eye contact. Given Riza’s current circumstances after her talk with Fuhrer Bradley, she was instantly on guard.

“Riza Mustang?”

“Yes?” Riza eyed the woman up and down. She appeared to be innocent enough. Her brown hair fell just past her shoulders, sitting in a side parting. Hair was curled behind one ear, the other side falling forward as she smiled kindly down at Riza in her chair.

“Hi, my name is Irene. My husband is Lieutenant Colonel Andrews.”

Irene spoke as if this would answer all of Riza’s questions, but it created more. Remaining wary, she eyed the woman as Rebecca and Sheska did the same, although the latter did it rather shyly, her head angled to look down towards the table before them.

“Sorry to interrupt your evening with your friends.” Irene continued to smile at the other two women, noticing the suspicion on their faces. “I just wanted to pass on my congratulations to you and your husband. A new addition to the family is always something wonderful to celebrate, and my husband and I wanted to pass on our regards to you both.”

Irene held out an envelope for Riza to take, which she did. Eyeing the paper and weighing it by touch alone, it felt like there was a card held within. Giving it a gentle squeeze to test, whatever was inside was tough but not indestructible to break. It bent gently underneath the pressure. Remaining wary, Riza schooled her expression so that it appeared as neutral and grateful as possible while accepting it.

“That’s very kind of you both, thank you,” Riza replied.

“We’ll be thinking of you both during this time,” Irene added, meeting Riza’s eyes straight on. For whatever reason, something held Riza there. Irene’s eyes widened pointedly, as she gave a tiny nod of her head. “Let us know if there’s anything we can do,” she grinned, that look in her eyes gone. Without another word, she turned and left.

“What was that all about?”

Riza placed the card down on the table, giving it one gentle pat before retracting her hand, hiding it underneath the table. They both joined, her fingers wringing together with uncertainty. “I honestly don’t know.” She was just as baffled as Rebecca.

“That was nice of her, though,” Sheska added, trying to see the best in the unexpected interaction.

Another woman approached, the same as Irene did, offering the same message and sentiment. This time it was a woman named Rose, whose husband was Sergeant Cairn, recently transferred from East City. Angela followed after her. She was an older woman, the wife of Major Cole. These names all meant nothing to Riza, however they may to Roy. These women, all coming forward with the same meaningful look in their eyes, obviously all meant _something_, but Riza didn’t want to open up the cards in public. There was no telling what would be inside. They were inconspicuous enough, just like a normal greeting card, but Riza couldn’t help but wonder. Perhaps… If she could slip behind the bar for a few minutes…

“I’ll be right back.”

She’d been lost in thought and had unintentionally interrupted Rebecca and Sheska’s conversation. They both looked surprised at the sudden disruption, watching as Riza subtly swiped the cards into her purse.

“Is everything all right?” Rebecca's eyes were searching Riza’s, trying to get a read on her mood. Admittedly, she’d been out of it that evening as she mulled over each woman’s message, trying to make sense of it all. It was bothering her so much that she was going to leave her friends to find out.

“Perfect,” Riza smiled as best she could. “Just need to use the bathroom.”

_It wasn’t a lie_, Riza thought as she left the two of them at the table. A quick detour on her route would allow her to open those envelopes in peace and find out what they contained.

“Is everything all right?”

Riza was startled by the sudden appearance of Roxanne. Her green eyes were scrutinising Riza carefully, unwilling to back down. Tonight, Roxanne’s hair was tied back into a high ponytail, the long brown locks looking luscious and healthy in the lights of the bar. It swished from side to side eagerly whenever she walked, catching the attention of all she passed by. Calming her heart rate, Riza scolded herself for being so absent from her surroundings.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

Roxanne’s eyes narrowed.

“Really, I am.” Riza lifted the three envelopes in her hands. “I was handed these tonight. It’s been bothering me that I don’t know what’s inside. Would you mind if I go inside the house to open them?” Riza nodded at the ‘staff only’ door.

Roxanne broke out into a smile and tutted, rolling her eyes fondly. “As if you have to ask. Of course you can! Come on,” she ushered, opening the staff door for Riza.

She was guided inside, entering a hallway that Riza knew well. Just ahead, to her left would be the living area where they spent most of their time when visiting Chris. Taking a seat, Riza let out a breath and balanced the envelopes on her lap. There would be nothing held within the pastel pink, white, and blue paper that would attack her, but why did she experience such a foreboding feeling? Perhaps it was just the unknown. Giving herself a shake, Riza tore open the seal of the one on top, from Irene.

Riza blinked.

Inside was a ‘_congratulations on the birth of your child!_’ card, but a note slid out from between the stiff paper, removing Riza’s attention from the well wishes.

_Weston arrived at the store today,_ was the first neatly written sentence on the page. _Esther is not the fondest of him but puts up with his appearances for Susan’s sake. Ursula likes him though, along with Poppy and Preston. The twins have been fighting over his affection, much to Oliver’s dismay. The poor boy is so crestfallen at their diverted effort but won’t give up the fight. The same can be said for Rosalie. She feels the same way towards the dear boy, but Thomas has been diverting her attention as of recent. We think she may be susceptible to his charms. As for Yuri, he’s still focussed on furthering Oliver’s studies, much to his chagrin, but Ursula is good at pushing him towards where his attentions **should** lie, and away from such frivolous things._

“What?” Riza muttered is aloud, wondering why this would note would be included in a congratulations card –

Suddenly, Roy’s game popped into her head. In Riza’s mind, memories of ‘_I love you_’ stories, littered about their home, overwhelmed her. This was a message. This story was a message to her and Roy.

Dropping the thoughtful card, Riza picked out the names quickly and read the coded message.

_We support you_.

Peeling open the second envelope, and the third, Riza found a similar sentiment in each. Relief tugged her lips into a smile, and she sat back against the cushions of the couch.

“Everything all right?” Chris appeared from out of nowhere, almost startling Riza.

She turned quickly, nodding to her mother-in-law. “Yes. Everything’s fine.”

“What’s that?” An eyebrow raised, looking down on the cards sitting in a pile haphazardly on her coffee table.

“Messages of support…” Riza turned back to eye them. “For Roy, from other soldiers stationed in Central Command. Their partners handed them over to me tonight.” Lifting the congratulatory cards, Riza waved them gently. “Along with these.”

She had been so focussed on the coded stories that she didn’t properly look within the cards. A note fluttered free from the confines of the stiff card, floating onto Riza’s lap. Squinting at it, she lifted it delicately into her hands.

“Along with a gift too, it seems,” Chris chuckled.

“It’s money.” Riza blinked at it, dumbfounded that those women would gift her and Roy with money on the birth of their new-born child.

Chris shrugged. “People do that. It saves them having to worry about buying a physical gift,” she added. “Then you can go out and buy what you need for the kid yourselves.”

Riza was left to stare at the five hundred cenz note in silence as Chris wandered away.

Well, it was an immense relief that despite the sudden relocation of his team, Roy still had people behind him who were willing to support and lend their aid. Riza’s fears of his future were appeased for the moment, knowing there were others out there who looked up to him and were willing to fight Bradley as well.

Pocketing the envelopes in her purse, Riza stood and slipped back out the staff door to the bar. Passing the bar itself, she ordered another water and waited for it before returning to their table.

“You were away a while,” Rebecca commented upon her return, her voice low. “What was in them?”

Glancing up, Riza saw Rebecca frowning, instantly on guard to whatever the envelopes contained within.

Placating her worry, Riza shook her head and gave her old friend a reassuring smile. “Just some well wishes and support.”

* * *

“Wait.”

Roy sat up straight in bed, a thoughtful look overtaking his face. He motioned for the envelopes Riza had already opened. She’d already explained what was held within – the cards, the monetary gift, and the coded message to him.

“What?”

“Can I see them for a second?”

Wordlessly, Riza leaned over to her bedside table to pick them up before passing them to her husband.

Roy removed the card, ignoring the paper that held the message, and shook it, letting the note float onto his lap.

“Kids get us money too?” He picked up the note. “Oh damn,” he muttered, “we need to have more kids.”

Riza hit the back of her hand off his elbow gently.

“I’m kidding!” He didn’t sound like it. Roy was eyeing the note with a curious but excited look.

“We’re not exploiting our children for money.”

“… What if I took them to the office?”

Riza’s frown deepened.

“Y’know, everyone is aware I’m a family man,” Roy continued, “it would be nice to show off the kid.”

“To get money from your colleagues?” Riza’s eyebrows shot up towards her hairline, daring him to confirm that was the real reason behind his plan.

“I mean,” he scoffed, “that’s what people do, right? When someone has a baby? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to –”

Riza hit the back of her hand off his forearm this time, but slightly harder. It caused his arm to falter slightly, the joint giving way as the limb tried to distance itself from her hand.

“Hey!”

“That’s what you get for thinking of exploiting our kids,” Riza snapped back.

“I was just making an observation!” Roy exclaimed. “That _is_ what people do when kids are born. You wouldn’t _believe_ the amount of kids I’ve had to shell out for over the years,” he grumbled to himself. “About damn time it was my turn.”

Riza scoffed, lifting her eyes to the ceiling as she rolled over in place, pulling the sheet over her shoulder and making herself comfortable.

“I’m kidding, Dear,” Roy crooned into her ear as his arm wrapped around her stomach.

“Sure you are,” she replied, not believing him for a second.

“It would be a benefit though, right? You have to admit that.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she barked.

“I’m joking!” The hand that had been around her stomach shifted, moving away and into the air in a show of surrender. “Sorry I mentioned it.” Roy rolled away from her, settling into the bed with a sigh.

The room was silent for short bout as Riza continued to frown at his insinuation. Ire was festering in her chest, causing a light burn. They would _not_ use their kids to get money from strangers. Even if it was a traditional gift, it made her uncomfortable and she wanted no part in it.

“Sorry.”

His apology was soft and quiet, filling the room. It smoothed out her frown and put out that spark in her chest. It fizzled low, turning to an ember before leaving her completely. Her shoulders relaxed, peeling down from her ears as a deep breath left her lungs. That breath calmed her, giving her time to think.

Riza rolled back over, seeing Roy on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His lips were pursed and off centre, a sign he was chewing something over in his mind.

“Sorry I snapped.”

Dark eyes met her own. The crease in between his eyebrows slowly disappeared, the skin of his forehead smoothing out.

“Sorry I upset you,” he replied. “I won’t bring it up again.”

Riza huffed quietly. “I don’t mind jokes. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It sounds like it was a mood swing.”

Her irritation spiked again. Opening her mouth to reply, offended at his accusation, Riza stopped herself. His eyes had widened in realisation that he’d set her off again. There was a fear in them too which stilled her tongue. Riza’s mouth promptly closed, accepting her hormonal reaction.

“I guess it was, yeah,” she agreed sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Roy replied simply. He rolled over to face her, brushing her fringe from her face and curling a strand of hair behind her ear. “I opened my mouth without thinking. Again. And I’m sorry I brought it up. I was just joking, though.”

“I know you were.” Her head turned, pressing a gentle kiss against the wrist that was resting by her face. Roy had cupped her face with his hand, his touch warm and gentle, as well as comforting.

“Did the mood swings happen a lot with Mia?”

“I don’t think so.” Riza cast her mind back, trying to remember. It didn’t feel like it. But then perhaps it was biased to ask her. “I don’t remember.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

“I don’t want to feel like I’m going to snap at you every two seconds though,” Riza frowned, but at herself. That behaviour wouldn’t do at all.

Roy shrugged. “We’ll work through it. It won’t be the first mood swing in the family and it won’t be the last. In a few years, Mia will be all over that,” he grinned.

Her head bowed in defeat. “I hope we don’t end up with a moody teenager.”

“I do too,” Roy chuckled. “But, like I said, we’ll get through it. Be as understanding with her as we can and give her the space she needs.”

“It sounds like you’ve been through this before,” Riza commented wryly.

“I grew up with _so_ many sisters, remember? I learned my lesson after the first shoe was thrown at my head,” he winked.

Riza gasped. “Who?”

“Roxanne,” Roy laughed. “I was bugging her too much and she’d had enough.”

“You were a little shit as a teen, so I can totally see it.”

Roy’s mouth popped open in shock. “Riza Mustang!” he exclaimed.

“What?” she giggled.

“I was _not_,” he scoffed, scandalised.

“You’re remembering differently.”

“No, I think it’s _you_ that’s remembering it differently, Ma’am,” he accused, poking her shoulder gently.

“Don’t poke me,” she pouted, poking him back.

“What are you going to do about it, huh?” His provoke came with a wide grin, reaching right up to his eyes and causing the corners to crinkle.

It reminded Riza so much of the boy she grew up with and the innocent young man she’d fallen in love with. It came out in rare moments, but it was heart-warming to see. Underneath the lines and scars life had left him with, Roy was still _Roy_, and he loved her completely, just like she did him.

“Why don’t you tell me what I can do about it, Colonel?”

Roy hummed, shuffling over to her side and rolling Riza onto her back as he kissed her forcefully. Propped up on an elbow, his free hand moved to cup her chin, holding Riza in place as they broke apart and Roy stared down at her with so much love in his eyes, it felt like she may cry.

“I love you, Riza,” he smiled fondly, a hint of his mischief still remaining, dancing playfully in his eyes.

Bending his head, Roy pecked her lips once, then her nose, then her forehead. His freehand moved from her chin to rest upon her stomach. The ends of two of his fingers were resting on her bare skin, making Riza gasp quietly. Slowly, as his head bent to claim her lips once more, Roy’s hand moved and slipped underneath her pyjama top, his touch hot as his thumb caressed her skin lovingly.

“Love you too, Roy,” Riza breathed, eyes fluttering closed as his touch relaxed her immediately.

Then suddenly, a massive yawn overtook Riza. It was loud, making her eyes water, the moisture bunching at the corners.

Roy just laughed. “Looks like someone is tired,” he murmured.

She almost snapped at him again for moving his hand, but a wave of fatigue overcame Riza before she had the chance.

“Sleep, love.” A kiss was pressed to her forehead again, making Riza melt at his touch. Roy cuddled into her side after turning off the lights. His face was buried in her hair, his lips resting just above her ear.

“Love you,” she mumbled tiredly.

“Love you too,” he laughed quietly, returning his hand to her pregnant stomach once more, this time, above her pyjama top. It was the warmest, most comfortable, and most relaxed Riza had felt in a long time.


	30. such a heavenly view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter?? so soon?? 👀 nano motivation has kicked in and for two years in a row this fic has become my nano project. so we going for it. taking the motivation where i can get it tbh!! let's finally get this fic finished this month 
> 
> song for this chapter: coldplay – sky full of stars

## 1914

**_'cause you're a sky, you're a sky full of stars_**

** _such a heavenly view_ **

Their pride and joy had careened into their bedroom loudly at six o’clock in the morning – on a _Saturday_ – to announce loudly that it was her birthday.

Roy groaned quietly in Riza’s ear, and she couldn’t hold back her own either. Her eyelids fought against her desire to open them, sleep keeping a tight hold on Riza that morning. Even cracked open to the bare minimum, Riza’s vision was blurred and her lids ached.

“Mia?” Roy sounded as tired as Riza felt. The mattress shifted as he sat up, removing his arm from around her waist. The warmth and security of his hold was missed immediately.

“It’s my birthday,” Mia sang happily, bouncing on the spot at the bottom of their bed as she broke out into a happy dance. The six-year-old was completely oblivious to the plight of her parents, too excited at what the new day would bring her.

“Mia,” Roy scolded lightly with a yawn. He rubbed his face tiredly, running his hands through his hair as he smacked his lips. “Listen, you need to quieten down,” Roy scolded her gently.

The dancing stopped. “Why?”

“Mummy is sleeping, and she needs to rest.”

Riza was really trying to wake up, but her body refused to cooperate. Sleep was beckoning her once more, not ready to give her up to the rest of the world just yet.

Rolling over, she struggled to lift her head. “No, it’s fine…” she mumbled.

“Oh…” Mia sounded guilty. “I… I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“It’s all right, bear.” The use of her nickname softened Roy’s scold a little. “Come on, why don’t we go and talk in your room? Then we can let Mum sleep.”

“It’s… fine…” Riza sighed but was already drifting.

A hand was pressed to the top of her head. It ran through Riza’s hair then fell to the mattress behind her head. Then, Roy’s lips were pressed to her forehead.

“Get some more sleep,” Roy urged gently. “I’ll keep her entertained.”

The next time Riza woke, two hours had passed. She batted her eyes open, hearing Roy and Mia talking somewhere in the house. The latter sounded extremely excited as she chatted away happily, while she heard Roy’s laugh and the occasional yip from Hayate.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Roy greeted with a smile as he spotted Riza entering the kitchen.

She shot him a tired smile in response, but still made a beeline for Mia and crouched by her chair. Cupping her six-year-old’s face in her hands, Riza grinned at her daughter. “Happy birthday, our Mia Bear,” she announced, kissing Mia’s cheek.

“Thank you, Mum,” Mia smiled brightly. “Look! Look at this badge Dad gave me!” She grasped her t-shirt and thrust it forward, showing off the comically large birthday badge on her shirt. It was a baby blue colour and had a bear on it – of course – holding the number six in its hands. Riza had seen it at the supermarket the week before and knew instantly Mia would love it.

“It’s lovely, isn’t it?”

“Yeah! He said it was from you and him, so thank you! I love it!” Mia threw her arms around Riza’s neck and hugged her tightly. Laughing, Riza pressed a hand to Mia’s back and gave her a quick squeeze.

“Glad you like it.”

“And Dad made me a birthday breakfast,” Mia added excitedly, turning in her chair to look at the table. “I’ve ate it all now, but I had some grapes, a piece of toast that Dad turned into a face,” Mia giggled. “And I even had some of his porridge! I didn’t like it very much.” Mia wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“But you tried it though, didn’t you?” Roy reached for a teaspoon in the centre of the table, picking it up so he could stir his coffee. “You were a big girl and tried something new,” Roy praised.

“Yeah,” Mia grinned. “This breakfast was very yummy! Almost as good as the fun breakfast I had a while ago,” she added, trailing off and looking up at them daringly.

Riza smiled from behind Mia, shooting Roy a look. She was so clearly fishing and was hopeful for more chocolate at breakfast, but that was a no-go. Luckily, Roy remembered his error in judgement from that day.

“Ah, no chocolate for breakfast this time,” Roy reminded her as he popped a stray grape into his mouth. “You don’t want to feel ill like you did last time, do you?”

He lifted the bowl of grapes, extending them towards Riza. Picking a few off their stalks, she gathered them in her hand and started to eat them slowly.

Mia sat back in defeat. “No, I guess not,” she mumbled.

“It would be a very good birthday if you felt sick, would it?” Riza placed a hand on Mia’s head and bent to kiss the top of it.

“No, it wouldn’t be fun,” she agreed. The sullen tone had left her voice as she realised their logic. “But… Can I have some later?” Her wide and earnest eyes were begging her mother to say yes.

“Hm,” Riza hummed, pretending to think. “I don’t know…” she trailed off.

“Please!”

“I suppose,” Riza relented. “You _are_ the birthday girl after all. This day is all about you.”

“Yay!” Mia clapped, legs kicking wildly in her chair. It made her little body jerk from side to side in her chair.

After breakfast and they’d all showered and dressed, the small family made their way into their living room so Mia could open her birthday presents. There was a pile on their couch which Riza had arranged while Roy got Mia ready for the day. She’d picked a lovely green dress to wear to her party. It had a floral pattern on it, the flowers just a shade lighter than the green of her dress so they were almost hidden. It had been an early gift from her grandmother.

The birthday girl’s eyes lit up when she saw the presents, diving for them.

It turned out Roy was also rather adept with a brush and a comb.

“Grew up with a bunch of sisters, remember,” he quipped with a wink, noticing Riza’s inquisitive smile as she admired Mia’s hair.

The perfectly braided hair bounced in their pigtails with Mia’s energy. She looked incredibly cute. Her hair was passed her shoulders now, long enough so that it could be split down the middle and tied off with two green ribbons at each end. However, her fringe was still a lost cause. Even with it styled like Riza’s it had a mind of its own and more often than not, fell over her eyes or ended up mussed up, skewing her parting completely.

Roy wrapped his arm around Riza’s shoulders as they watched Mia animatedly tell Hayate about the present she’d just opened. The dog was shown the toy so he could give it a sniff.

“And see? I have some sense of fashion.” Roy gestured to Mia’s attire.

Riza already knew he did. Around the house he wore shorts or sweatpants with t-shirts, but she’d seen him getting ready for formal military events. He looked incredibly handsome in a suit and tie and knew just how to style himself to make Riza’s heart flutter inside her chest.

“I didn’t doubt you for a second, dear,” Riza smirked, turning her head to peck his cheek.

“Mia,” Roy called, stepping forwards. “Before you get too excited and open any more, I have a present for you to open first.”

Riza shot him a questioning look that Roy very obviously ignored.

“Oh?” Mia asked, intrigued.

“Be back in a second,” he grinned, looking rather mischievous and proud of himself.

Riza narrowed her eyes. Just what did he have in mind here?

There was the distant sound of rummaging that made her raise an eyebrow, then Roy re-entered the room, lugging a _huge, _rather crudely wrapped, gift. In his arms, it passed just over Roy’s head, and he had to duck to get it through the doorway. From the shape, it was clear that this was another bear for Mia, but it was so large it was ridiculous. It was almost double the height of their daughter and would be nearly as tall as Roy and Riza if it could stand on its legs.

Mia gasped excitedly, carefully but quickly removing the wrapped present from her lap. Her eyes boggled as she took it in, brain struggling to comprehend what she was seeing.

Riza could sympathise with that.

“Uh,” Riza stated eloquently in her surprise.

“Is it a bear?” Mia was in awe, voice barely above a whisper.

“You’ll have to open it and see,” Roy smirked. He was practically bouncing with excitement himself.

Mia did so, carefully. She had to get Roy to help her unwrap from the stomach upward because it was far too tall for her. Squealing happily, she hugged her new best friend and looked up at its face in wonder.

Hayate wasn’t sure. He growled quietly at the hulking form, his hackles raised as his head dipped low to further take in this new thing on his territory that was _so_ much larger than him.

“It’s okay, Hayate!” Mia peeled herself away from her new toy and reached out tentatively for the dog. Once her hand contacted his fur, Hayate flinched and licked his lips, looking up at Mia. “It’s just a toy. Look!” Standing tall, Mia poked the bear and its head flopped to the other side. Poking it again, harder, it tipped over and fell onto its side, making Hayate jump at the sudden _thump_ that sounded. He growled louder while Mia laughed with glee.

“And just _where_ are we going to put that?” Riza muttered the question in her husband’s ear while Mia was distracted.

Roy shrugged. “Let me worry about that.”

Riza rolled her eyes as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders again. The bear was honestly _absurd_. Where had he even _bought_ it from?

“Where did you even _hide_ that? I didn’t see it anywhere.”

“It was hidden in the garage,” he smiled mischievously. “Chris dropped it off late last night when you were already in bed. It was from the guys at work.”

“_Really_?” It was one shock after another this morning.

“They’d planned it beforehand after hearing her talk about how much she loved bears while Havoc and I were in the hospital,” Roy chuckled. “But…” He trailed off.

Everyone had been moved across Amestris.

Roy cleared his throat and shot her a reassuring smile as she hugged against his side. “Havoc ordered it into his family’s store and got it shipped out. Everyone still chipped in for it though before they left.”

Riza was touched by the lovely gesture for their daughter. “That was so sweet of them.”

“It was all Havoc’s idea. They can’t wait to hear what Mia’s reaction is,” Roy chuckled, nodding at their daughter. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, a happy squeal emitting from her throat every now and then as she couldn’t quite believe the present was real. “Fuery more so than the others. Havoc says he isn’t bothered, but I know he wants to know.”

Riza grinned. She’d always thought of Roy’s team being somewhat unofficial uncles to Mia. Now, it definitely felt like it, and the thought warmed Riza’s heart.

* * *

Gracia and Elicia were the first to arrive at their house for Mia’s birthday party.

“Happy birthday, Mia!” Elicia giggled, handing over a parcel to Mia that looked a little too heavy for her. It dipped in her grasp as her arms shook with the weight.

“Elicia!” Mia’s cry was full of glee as she ran towards her friend. Skidding to a stop, she grinned at the present in Elicia’s hands and eased it out of the younger girl’s grasp. “Is this for me?”

“Yep! Mummy and I picked it out especially for you. It’s from my Daddy too!” Elicia’s happiness made the three adult’s expressions soften.

“Thank you, Elicia. That’s very kind of you,” Riza replied on her excited daughter’s behalf.

“Yes, thank you!” Gently, the parcel was placed on the ground and Mia hugged Elicia tightly.

All three adults simpered at the sight, looking proudly upon their friendship with one another.

“Can we go and open it now, Mum?” Mia’s eyes were wide and bright with excitement.

“Well,” Roy interjected, eyes already on the path up to their home, looking over Gracia’s shoulder. “It looks like you have some other guests to greet first.”

Mia poked her head around Gracia’s legs to see who was approaching. Chris waved to Mia as Vanessa and Roxanne beamed, arms laden with gifts.

“I promise though, you can play with it after.” Riza gestured for Mia to hand it over. As she stooped low, there was a niggle of pain in her lower back, but she shook it off. “You’ll get to open all your presents once everyone is here.”

“Okay!”

Unfortunately, Edward and Alphonse were up in North City, so were unable to attend Mia’s birthday, alongside the rest of Roy’s team. She was disheartened to hear her “uncles” wouldn’t be coming, but Mia took it in her stride. Both parents reassured her that they’d come and see her as soon as they were able to.

Rebecca, however, arrived from the East with a surprise appearance from Havoc.

Mia gasped loudly, a hand flying up to her mouth when she saw him enter through the door to their living room. Roy walked behind with a wide smile on his face.

“Aunt Becca! And Havoc!” Her screech pierced Riza’s ears painfully while Mia hopped to her feet and sprinted to the door. She threw her arms around Rebecca tightly, who’d knelt in place and opened them up for her.

“Happy birthday, Princess,” Rebecca greeted, kissing her on the cheek before letting her go.

“And – And – Havoc!” Mia gripped the arm of his wheelchair tightly, her knuckles white as her eyes boggled up at him. “I didn’t know you were coming!”

“It was a surprise,” he winked. In his lap was a poorly wrapped gift, which was handed over to Mia. “Happy birthday, Mia.”

She took it in her hands carefully, marvelling at the gold and red wrapping paper. “This is for me?”

“All for you,” Havoc confirmed.

“Oh, wow.”

“What do you say, Mia?” Riza prompted her daughter’s manners as she lifted herself from her armchair.

“Thank you, Havoc!” Mia threw her arms around his torso in a fierce hug, which made him chuckle in response.

He patted her shoulder fondly. “You’re welcome, Kiddo.”

“Now that everyone is here, who would like tea or coffee?” Roy announced it to the room as Riza made her way through to their kitchen. Some peace and quiet would give her a reprieve to try and relieve some of her fatigue.

Her back was bothering her a lot today, and it made Riza wonder if she’d slept in a funny position. No amount of stretching would grant her relief, unfortunately. And she was so _tired_ today, too. That extra two hours in bed should have been enough, but apparently it wasn’t. It was unfair. It was her daughter’s sixth birthday! She had no time to be tired.

It was happening more and more often lately after she’d entered her third trimester. That niggle in her back was the most prominent one, as well as aching ankles. That was easy enough to deal with though, seeing as most of her work was done at her desk. Life went on as well, so she’d shouldered the pain while running around after Mia and rested when she could.

After placing the water on top of the heat to boil, Riza closed her eyes and rested her hands against the counter. Her spine was perfectly straight, but she was leaning forwards, letting her hands take some of her weight. Relief washed over her ankles, granting her a reprieve. Her head was held high, but her chin dipped as she rolled her previously hunched shoulders.

“Hey, you okay?” Roy’s hands were instantly placed on her tight shoulders, giving them a squeeze.

“Yes.” She leaned back into him, relaxing completely as he steadied her like a rock. A kiss was pressed to her temple, causing a smile to quirk up the corners of her mouth.

His hands ran down her arms to her waist. “What’s wrong?”

“What makes you think there’s something wrong?”

Roy hummed quietly in her ear. His head moved so that his nose was in her hair and he pressed a kiss behind her ear. “I’ve noticed you grimace every now and then. I just want to check everything is alright.”

“You’re too observant,” Riza grumbled good naturedly, making him laugh quietly and pull away from her.

“It’s to be expected, Riza, my dear.”

She had been mourning the loss of his embrace, but his hands ran back up her bare arms to rest atop her shoulders. It was a beautiful contradiction how his hands lit a fire with his touch but still managed to lift gooseflesh on her skin. Riza shivered.

“Expected?”

His hands began to knead at the knots in her shoulders and Riza let out a light moan. It felt heavenly. It was exactly what she needed.

“Of course,” he replied. “I love you too much not to notice when something might be bothering you. Plus, we’ve been together for so long, I like to think I’ve become quite attuned to you,” he grinned.

Again, her body shuddered. Hearing him say such things…

Roy noticed her reaction and laughed. “Do you like that?”

“Yes,” she breathed. It felt like her legs would turn to jelly, she was becoming so relaxed, but hearing Roy’s low voice, telling her how much he loved her and how much he noticed about her… “What else have you noticed?”

“That you’re tired today. And your lower back and ankles hurt, am I correct?”

Riza huffed but nodded.

“Yes,” he hissed in triumph at his correct guess, making Riza laugh.

“Are you happy that I’m suffering for your child?” She made her amusement clear.

“Not at all,” Roy reassured solemnly. “If I could take some of the stress from you, I would. You know that.”

Riza’s heart fluttered in her chest.

“I’m just pleased I can read you so well.”

“I’ll have to make it harder next time,” Riza hummed thoughtfully.

“How can I help you if you make it harder for me?” A chuckle left him as he found a rather tight knot in her trapezius. His thumb dug in deep causing Riza to let out a strangled cry of relief.

“Your shoulders are very tight,” he remarked.

Riza grimaced. “I know. The kid is making them tense,” she added, fondly running her hand over her stomach.

“You can expect some foot rubs tonight for those ankles too. And feel free to let me know what else I can massage,” he quipped, lifting his eyebrows suggestively.

Scoffing, Riza admonished him quietly while he laughed instead.

“Did this happen with Mia?”

“Yes. You’re a much more preferable masseuse than Rebecca though.”

A quiet snort left him. His head dipped, pressing a kiss to the bare skin at her neck as he gave her shoulders one last tight squeeze. “I’m glad.” His voice was a whisper against the crook of her neck. “Why don’t you go and get a seat,” Roy offered, straightening his posture.

Riza turned to look at him, noting the soft smile on his face as he gazed at her. “I can manage to make some tea –”

“Humour me,” Roy interrupted softly, taking one of her hands in his. He lifted it to his lips, pressing a kiss upon the back of her palm. “If you’re tired then I honestly don’t mind.”

Riza opened her mouth to argue, but Roy’s eyes flashed with mischief.

“And don’t lie and say you’re not tired.” He chuckled at her frown. A kiss was pressed to her forehead. “Go and take a seat. I’ll sort the beverages for our guests.”

“Is that an order, Colonel?” An eyebrow lifted in light defiance.

Again, his eyes flashed at her challenge, and a grin spread across his face. “I can make it an order, if you like?” His smile was bordering on wolfish and Riza decided to quit while she was ahead. It was her daughter’s birthday. The party came first. Afterwards, once Mia was asleep, she would teach Roy a lesson for trying to order her around… After his previously offered massage.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll go,” she relented reluctantly.

Pausing in the doorway, she turned and watched him tap a nail on the countertop, staring out the window to their garden, waiting for the water to boil. Once it was ready, it snapped Roy out of whatever thought he was lost in and he jumped to reach for the pot, so he could pour it in the waiting mugs.

A corner of Riza’s mouth quirked up, smiling at her husband. He’d relaxed her completely and having his support meant so much to her.

Turning in place, Roy frowned at her, his mouth turning downwards in exaggerated disapproval. “Go on, Mrs. Mustang. Shoo. I can handle carrying tea and coffees through.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” she placated, lifting her hands in surrender.


	31. i can't live in a fairytale of lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy another one! nano is going well so i've finally been able to slip into some kind of weekly schedule again for updates. hope you enjoy!
> 
> song for this chapter: within temptation - faster

## 1914

** _i can't live in a fairytale of lies_ **

** _and i can't hide from the feeling cause it's right_ **

Tensions were high in the Mustang household.

Roy spent more time in his work office after hours than was usual. He was planning, organising an attack, for what, Riza wasn’t privy to just yet. Her main focus was keeping Mia distracted and entertained so Roy could work in some semblance of peace, however even that was becoming more of a struggle for her nowadays. Her lower back was almost in constant pain by the time they were sitting down to dinner. Riza fatigued more quickly and her brain was frazzled. Headaches pestered her throughout the day, completely unwelcome, from two different fronts.

On one hand, she was nearing the end of her pregnancy, which was a blessing. According to the doctor yesterday, the child was at full term and could come at any time, even though she still had a few weeks until her due date. Riza would welcome that wholeheartedly. The aches and pains were a lot worse this time around than they were with Mia.

On the other hand, her final teaching exam had been looming. Throughout the day she had notes spread across every surface as she studied and crammed for it. Looking after Mia while Roy ‘unofficially’ worked in the evening was nothing Riza would ever complain about, however it would have been nice to have had the extra energy afterwards to at least look over some notes while in bed. By the time her head hit the pillow she was asleep.

After taking the exam, a huge weight was lifted off Riza’s shoulders. Then the nerves kicked in, waiting for results. The professor had advised it would take a few weeks to get back to them all, but Riza just wanted to _know_. She wanted to be successful. After years of work, she wanted it to pay off. It had been two weeks since the exam.

Despite working harder, Roy was as attentive as ever. He was worrying about her. Riza reassured she was fine, just exhausted. Roy thought she was stressed. Admittedly, Riza did think that was true as well. She was aware that would be bad for the baby but with everything hitting at once, and them not being able to do anything about the timing, it didn’t leave Riza with much choice. Powering through as best she could, Riza managed to juggle everything. Roy still fought to get away from his home office to help with Mia, however the ringing phone would draw him back to plan. With a defeated aura, he’d trudge back through and continue working.

Riza was incredibly curious. Roy would tell her when he was ready what was going on, but every day that passed and with every overheard snippet of conversation, the desire to know didn’t let up. It was so _mysterious_. She’d barely been awake enough recently for him to get a chance.

The ringing phone dragged Riza’s attention away from cooking dinner.

“I’ll get it,” Roy’s disembodied voice called through from the direction of his office. Followed by a muffled thump and a quiet curse as he tripped over or banged into something.

Snorting, Riza nodded and left him to it, rolling her sore shoulders. The stretching of the skin brought quick relief as she stirred the pot in front of her. A wave of heat washed over her, prickling sweat on her brow which was hastily swiped away with the back of her hand.

“Riza, it’s for you,” Roy called through.

That stumped her. She wasn’t expecting a call –

_Was it her results?_

“Mia, stay away from the oven, okay?” Riza turned the heat down low as her heart thudded inside her chest. It battered against her ribcage relentlessly as she entered the hall. Even more so when Roy shot her a grin and a thumbs up. He knew just how much she was waiting on the call from her professor.

With shaking hands, she took the phone from him. Roy winked and skirted around her, walking through to the kitchen to check on their dinner.

“Hello?”

“Riza,” a warm voice greeted her. “It’s Professor Stevenson.”

_This is it_.

“Hello, Professor.”

“I come bearing good news,” he chuckled, “although I knew before even grading your test you would pass with flying colours. My assumptions were correct. Congratulations, Riza! You passed!”

A light blush warmed her cheeks upon hearing the compliment, before elation completely overtook her entire being.

She’d passed.

“I passed?” She had to make sure.

“You did, yes,” the Professor confirmed, an amused lilt in his voice.

_She’d passed_.

“Thank you…” Riza trailed off. She wasn’t sure what else to say, too relieved just to finally know. Shoulders sagged as her posture slouched. A light laugh left her, happy and content that she no longer needed to worry and wait on the verdict. She felt free from it. Finally.

“I will be sending your certification over to Central University today,” Professor Stevenson announced. “It should arrive within a few days, but I will call you and inform you once it has been delivered, if that would suit you?”

“That would be very appreciative, thank you.” Riza tried not to gush but it was hard. She couldn’t wait to tell Roy.

“Not a problem, Riza. Any questions please do not hesitate to give my office a call. I’ll be back in touch in the next week or so about your next steps now that you’re a fully certified teacher. Congratulations.”

Riza quickly bid him farewell and hung up the phone. She rushed through to the kitchen, the hot flush from earlier hitting again as the wall of heat from the cooking food curled around her skin. Riza didn’t care that sweat was gathering on her brow or in her hands. Her eyes found Roy’s and everything else melted away, now that her results were finally sinking in.

“Well?” He was grinning expectantly. Given that Riza could not keep the beaming smile off her face no matter how hard she tried, he still waited for her to announce her news.

“I passed!”

Roy whooped loudly, causing Mia and Hayate to jump in fright at the volume. His arms wrapped around her shoulders tightly with a laugh as he rocked her side to side in his pride.

“Yes! I’m so proud of you,” he laughed in her ear. “I told you you’d nail it!”

“You did,” she laughed as her smile wobbled. Tears sprang to her eyes and she sniffed.

“Are you crying?” He laughed in disbelief, swiping away a tear with his thumb as he cooed softly, pulling her tightly into his embrace. “Oh, Riza!”

“Shut up,” she mumbled petulantly, burying her face into his chest with a laugh.

“Are you unhappy, Mummy?” Mia bit her lip hard, her knuckles white as she gripped the arm of her chair.

“No, Mia, she’s not unhappy,” Roy answered for her. “She’s extremely happy! They’re happy tears.”

Riza was grateful. Another laugh left her, remembering how prone to crying she’d been right after Mia was born. Groaning internally, she hoped that didn’t happen again. Rebecca had teased her about it but this time Roy would never let her live it down.

“Happy tears? Like when you told me you were having another baby?”

“Yes, just like that,” Roy answered as his hands rubbed up and down Riza’s arms. “Mummy passed her big exam so now she’s a teacher!”

Mia gasped and clapped together, eyes twinkling with glee. “Does that mean she’ll become my teacher? That would be so cool!”

“Not right now, Mia,” Roy laughed at her enthusiasm. “She has to wait a little bit but one day soon Mum will be teaching in a school just like yours.”

“Oh, wow!”

Riza pulled away from Roy, seeing his grin and the pride on his face. He pecked her on the nose, cupping her cheeks in his hands firmly.

“Congratulations, love,” he murmured. “I’m _so_ proud of you.”

“Yeah, proud of you Mum!” Mia called to her from her chair at the table. Looking over Roy’s shoulder, she saw the bright smile on Mia’s face.

“Thank you,” Riza breathed, her eyes meeting Roy’s again.

He flashed her a grin. “We must celebrate!”

* * *

Riza walked through the streets of Central at sunset. The air was cold but at least there was no wind to chill her completely. Still, the winter jacket was pulled tighter around her neck, ensuring it was buttoned right up to the top. Readjusting her scarf, she picked up the pace to walk to Central University. Fingers flexed inside gloves, trying to move some heat to the cooler tips.

The university wasn’t far from home. The main campus was a few streets over, barely a ten minute walk. Roy had offered to drive her to the university, however Mia had homework that needed to be completed for tomorrow. So, after not venturing too far out of the house in recent weeks due to their hectic home life, Riza wanted to get out and go for a walk. It was easily manageable, even with her aches and pains, however they weren’t as ailing today as they had been recently.

Sucking in a deep breath, Riza enjoyed the light burn it left in her airways, smelling the cold in the air and the aftermath of the rain from earlier in the afternoon.

He hovered of course, as Riza slipped on her shoes, but she felt fine and _wanted_ to go out and get some fresh air. The peace of the walk would do her good after what felt like running around after everyone at home for the past few days. Pouting, Roy had relented, easing up. A flash of irritation spiked within her chest at the assumption that she needed an escort to go anywhere, but Riza calmed herself. He just cared, that was all. Aftering being starved of it throughout childhood, Riza reminded herself that it was a nice feeling to experience, despite how worried he could be about the little things. Shaking her head fondly as she walked, Riza felt a warmth spread across her chest. Roy loved her and cared about her, that’s why he hovered.

As directed, Riza asked for her certification from the front desk. Idle wandering left her scanning the notice boards in the reception area while the receptionist exited into a room behind her to pick out Riza’s post. There was nothing interesting, some flyers for events that had already passed, but their posters forgotten about and neglected to be removed.

“Mrs. Mustang!”

Turning, confused, Riza stopped dead when she spotted who’d called her name.

Fuhrer Bradley was smiling broadly at her underneath his moustache, his one eye closed with happy cheer. A woman was standing next to him, her fair brown hair falling past her shoulders and pale pink dress skimming the bottom of the ground. A white jacket covered her shoulders, along with a scarf in the same blue as the Amestrian Military uniform. That was Mrs. Bradley, Riza realised in shock. And the small boy who’d shot her a smile was their son, Selim.

“What a coincidence running into you here,” Bradley chuckled in amusement as he approached.

Riza didn’t trust him one bit.

“Hello, Sir,” she greeted with respect.

This man, after all Roy had told her about his treatment of him and the threats that had been made upon her, deserved none of her reverence, however she couldn’t make things worse for Roy. She’d continue to play along and play oblivious to it all. That was the smart thing to do.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine, Sir.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” His expression was nothing but open and friendly. A ploy. “I trust your husband is recovering well from his injury?”

“He is, yes. Thank you for asking.”

“Good. I have not had the chance to drop in on him recently to ask personally. Could I ask you to pass on my regards?” His pointed stare felt like a message. Instead of the fear Riza had experienced initially, all she felt now was disgust and irritation.

“Of course, Sir,” Riza replied smoothly. Roy would definitely hear she’d run into Fuhrer Bradley tonight. “I know he will appreciate that from you.”

“Marvellous,” the Fuhrer beamed. “And I have been incredibly rude, I apologise.” Turning to his left, he motioned towards his wife and child. “This is my wife, Clarisse Bradley, and my son, Selim.”

“A pleasure,” Mrs. Bradley greeted warmly, so different from the hidden identity of her husband. As Riza took her offered hand and shook it, she quietly wondered if Mrs. Bradley was aware of what her husband was, or if she was unfortunate enough to be oblivious to it all.

“It’s very good to meet you, Ma’am,” Selim beamed. “I’ve heard all about your husband! He’s a hero!”

Riza almost flinched but caught herself. That was not a title Roy liked to go by in the slightest.

“Thank you,” Riza smiled politely, offering the child no more than that.

“Selim,” the Fuhrer admonished lightly for his enthusiasm.

“Sorry,” he smiled sheepishly.

“It’s all right,” Bradley assured. “We must be going. We have a private tour of the premises scheduled for this evening. Mrs. Mustang, it was lovely to see you again.”

His single eye flashed as his wife and son offered Riza the same sentiment. It was a warning. For what, Riza didn’t know. She just hoped she would never run into him ever again. With every look he gave her it made her skin crawl.

They left the reception area, walking down a hallway further into the University. Riza watched them leave as Selim excitedly whispered about meeting a family member of the Flame Alchemist. Patiently, his father tried to calm him as Mrs. Bradley smiled fondly.

“Riza Mustang?” The receptionist called to her quietly, probably wondering if she raised her voice to a normal level, it would startle Riza. It was certainly a possibility.

Giving herself a shake, Riza shelved the surprise meeting for the moment and shook off the uncomfortable feeling it left her with. Smiling, she thanked the receptionist and took the manila envelope from her hands. Inside was her teaching certification.

The receptionist sat back down in her chair and returned her attention to the notes on the desk, Riza already forgotten as she continued to work.

With shaking hands, Riza unsealed the envelope and opened it up, extracting the certificate inside slowly and carefully. Unsettling conversation forgotten, Riza smiled and felt some relief as she read the paper, citing her as a teacher. Finally. Nestled between shining gold leaf and beautiful swirls of black ink, Riza’s name was printed proudly on the dotted line.

Stepping back into the cold autumn night, Riza shivered, tucking the envelope underneath her arm. Winter was almost here. After being inside, the chill tugged at the exposed skin of her face, nipping painfully, as it fought to invade through her layers. Soon, frost would cover the concrete and the grass, creating a delightful crunch underfoot as everyone walked through it.

The campus was empty as she walked across it. In the night, the long, bare branches on the trees would look menacing to a child if they were to come across them. Like something from a scary story. They reached tall into the sky, often silhouetted by the lamps lining the walkway underneath Riza. Clouds hid away the moon in sporadic intervals, darkening the sky for a long bout once she reached the other end of the campus. A gentle breeze had kicked up, so she ducked underneath a sheltered walkway, glancing up at the sky to see the moon hidden from view once more. Walking here would mean a slightly longer walk home, but Riza decided she felt physically able enough to handle it, so relished in her extra time to herself. Heading in the opposite direction of home, Riza took her time and enjoyed it.

Suddenly, as she neared the road she had to cross to reach home, something felt… off. Riza couldn’t place it, and her brow furrowed as she approached the crossing, still underneath the shelter of the walkway. It felt like she was being watched. Subtly glancing around, she saw no one. Opening up her ears and focussing on that sense more so than her others, she heard no footsteps either.

Perhaps she shouldn’t have taken the small detour...

“Mrs. Mustang.”

Riza stuttered to a stop. She froze in place, fear seizing every muscle in her body. She recognised that voice from a short while ago, but there was an otherworldly quality to it. It echoed, like it was multiple voices speaking at once, but that was impossible. Only Selim Bradley spoke with a voice as innocent as that… However, this was anything _but_ innocent. It sounded _evil_. The hair on the back of Riza’s neck stuck up in a warning, her instincts screaming at her to run. Trying to take a step, her feet were stuck, glued to the concrete beneath her feet.

“Please, remain still,” the boy commanded gently. “Things will be much easier for you if you did.”

Her heels relaxed and lowered back onto the ground, ankles succumbing to a sudden pressure, like someone was gripping them tightly. A breath was sucked into her lungs and she let it go slowly. Her free hand formed a fist, clenched tightly by her side.

“Selim?” Her eyes darted ahead, searching every crevice for where the boy may be hiding, but there was no sign of him. The cars in the distance continued to pass by, oblivious to what was happening under the darkened shelter.

“That’s right,” he answered, that voice echoing in the suddenly deathly silent night. Riza focussed, determining he was behind her, hidden out of view. “Although Pride is another name I go by. The First Homunculus. That’s the more preferable one, actually.”

_Homunculus._

Suddenly, the shadows elongated in front of where she was standing with a darkness that was not natural. A large eye appeared, staring up at her. It was so unsettling, Riza shifted and wanted to turn and run. It was horrifying to look at, leaving her feeling violated as it stared relentlessly, unblinking.

Despite being urged to remain still, her flight response kicked in. Still unable to move, a pressure surrounded Riza’s wrists while another crawled up her ankles and calves, rooting her. Something tightened around her neck, shifting the fabric of her scarf gently, but not constricting enough to cause any pain. Just discomfort. Eyes widening, Riza felt true fear and a sweat broke out over her entire body.

“Please tell your husband that _we _say hello,” Selim purred.

The pressure around her wrists tightened and Riza felt warmth. Something bit into her skin, cutting into her flesh cleanly. She was sure he’d somehow managed to draw blood, but with _what_? The restrictions on her neck reminded her not to move to look down and examine the fresh wound. If it could cut into flesh that easily then she wouldn’t risk it.

“I told you it would be easier if you remained still,” Selim snickered as the pressure disappeared from her wrists.

Riza felt she could breathe easier as it did so, however, suddenly the pressure around her neck increased the smallest amount. Choking on her breath, Selim shushed her violently. Out the corner of her eye, Riza saw a black tendril of… of _something_ appear, moving towards her cheek. It flicked towards her, like one would do to an irritation, and Riza felt it swipe at the skin of her cheek. Biting her lip, Riza squeezed her eyes tightly closed as she fought to remain as still as she could. Angering whatever this thing was would do her no favours at all.

“What do you want?” She pushed the words out of her throat, focussing on getting as much information out of the boy as she possibly could. But this was no boy. This… _thing_ was something else entirely.

“Just to say hello. And now, it is time for me to leave.”

The restraints on Riza tightened for the tiniest second, all doing so together, cutting off her airway. Another choked breath left her, then the restraints disappeared. The shadows and the enormous eye disappeared in a flash, muting into nothingness.

“Tell him we say hello,” the boy whispered into the evening air. “And _nothing_ else. We will be watching,” it threatened, fading out completely into silence.

Riza stumbled, spinning in place on shaky legs as she frantically searched for the sweet young boy she’d met only a short while ago. He was nowhere to be seen.

Just like his father, Selim Bradley was not as he seemed.

Rubbing the muscles of her sore neck, Riza panted for breath, eyes wide.

_What just happened?_

Her knees trembled as she struggled to catch her breath. Finally able to flee, she blindly walked to the road, electing not to cross but just to _get away_ from the university campus. Riza didn’t even notice she was walking in the direction away from home. The hairs on her neck still refused to flatten down and her stomach roiled with unease.

Something trickled down her cheek gently, the smarting pain finally registering in her startled brain. Lifting a hand, she swiped at the wetness, feeling a slick liquid coat her fingers. In the lamplight above, Riza saw blood.


	32. we're fighting our fear of the silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy after that last chapter!
> 
> song for this chapter: within temptation - let us burn

## 1914

** _we're fighting our fear of the silence_ **

** _we're running through walls where they stand_ **

Christmas’ Bar was the closest and safest place to her current position. Ducking inside, Riza took refuge, completely shaken by her encounter. She didn’t even remember walking there. The last ten minutes felt like a complete blur. The only thought that had run through her head was ‘_escape’_. There was no processing of events and conversation. That single word sounded in time with her hurried footsteps as she put as much distance between herself and the university as possible.

After returning to the present and escaping the fear plaguing her mind, Riza realised with dismay she’d continued walking in the wrong direction. Still, landmarks were recognisable, and she’d found herself outside of Chris’. Once inside the door, she gave herself a shake, gripping the lapels of the jacket tightly. Her envelope was getting crushed underneath her elbow, but Riza didn’t care.

Her entrance had unintentionally been a loud one, causing some heads to turn curiously. Once they noticed a heavily pregnant woman in the doorway, they turned away, uninterested, returning to their conversations. Luckily, it was mid evening and wasn’t too busy with a military crowd just yet.

Chris was behind the bar, eyeing Riza sharply. With a jerk of her head, she motioned for Riza towards what they’d jokingly dubbed the “Ladies Bar”, where she met up with Rebecca and Sheska for their nights out. It was empty when Riza entered, which she was grateful for. Since it was unused, it was colder, threatening to make Riza’s teeth chatter. Given her currently shaking hands, it wasn’t too hard a leap for her body to make in the chill of the room.

“What happened?” Chris’ question was forceful, her eyes scanning Riza’s face frantically, but with a contradicting calm expression. She was all business. Those dark eyes settled on the cut upon Riza’s cheek.

Not receiving an answer right away, Chris gently but firmly tugged the envelope from Riza’s grip. Without a word, she turned away and walked behind the bar. Stooping low, Chris retrieved a handful of tissues.

“I, uh,” Riza blinked, looking around the room as she still tried to process what had occurred. She clutched at her jacket tighter, trying to stop her frame from shaking. The digits were beginning to cramp with the pressure but Riza didn’t notice.

_Tell him we say hello and nothing else. We will be watching._

The threat in that warning hovered over her head uncomfortably. She wanted to tell Chris everything. She trusted Chris completely but the sight of the shadows on the wall drew Riza up short.

_We will be watching_.

Riza remembered the elongating shadows in front of her, that massive eye peering at her.

“Can you talk?” Chris' voice was so low Riza didn’t even hear her. A hand squeezed her shoulder tightly, drawing Riza back to the present. “Riza, can you talk?” Chris asked again, the question spoken slowly and carefully.

There was a minute shake of Riza’s head.

Nodding in understanding, Chris motioned for Riza to take a seat on the chair behind her. Doing so, Riza shook out her aching fingers and absentmindedly rubbed her sore wrists. Feeling dried blood, Riza looked down at it, noting how they were heavily marked but there was only a tiny cut on her left wrist.

“Are you hurt?”

Riza shook her head. “Just this.”

“All right.”

Gently, Chris lifted a paper towel to her cheek and wiped away the blood. She patched Riza up carefully, silent throughout the whole process. The alcohol wipe stung her cheek, making Riza grit her teeth to ride out the pain, while also keeping her lunch in her stomach. The smell of the cleaning alcohol flooded her nostrils, making her stomach roll with nausea.

“All done,” Chris announced, straightening in her chair. The weight of the plaster on her cheek felt heavy. Uncomfortable. Chris stood to dispose of the soiled towels and wipes. “I’ll go and call Roy to come and pick you up.”

Riza paused. She didn’t want him to worry. On the other hand, she really didn’t want to walk home by herself tonight. Not after beginning to fear her own shadow for very legitimate reasons.

_We will be watching_.

Nodding in agreement, Riza hid her shudder.

Roy took one look at her and froze on the threshold of the door. His hand gripped it tightly as his gaze roved over her form. His small, expectant smile died on his lips as he spotted the plaster on her cheek. She must have still looked agitated because he strode over to her with long and purposeful steps. Riza rose from her chair and Roy crushed her into his arms.

She finally felt safe. Like she was at home.

“What happened?” His voice was low in her ear. It was threatening, but not to her. It was to whoever had marked her skin and left her unnerved.

Shaking her head, Riza pleaded with her eyes for him to drop it. “I’m fine,” she answered instead.

A hand lifted, grasping her chin with the gentlest of touches, turning her head left and right. He gazed upon her injured skin, his lips pressing into such a thin line, they almost disappeared. There was that fire back in his eyes again. It was the same fury she’d seen when Bradley appeared at their front door.

“Roy, I’m _fine_,” she urged, gripping his wrist insistently.

That was another mistake, because he looked down, seeing the marks on them too. His head jerked back to face her, eyes burning like an inferno. They widened considerably as he breathed out heavily, like a bull gearing up to charge.

To try and soothe him, Riza wrapped her arms around his back as best she could with her stomach, clutching at him tightly. “I’m all right.”

“This isn’t over,” he murmured almost unintelligibly into her hair. “I swear my life on it.”

“It is for tonight,” she fought him, her tone firm. “I just want to go home.”

Silence filled the room for a long stretch of time. It felt impossibly long, dragging out as Riza silently begged him to listen to her. She didn’t think he’d deny her such a request, but he was ready to fight someone on her behalf. She needed him to agree with her for his own sake too.

“All right.” The fight was still in him. His tone was firm and authoritative, like she’d heard him use while on the phone while working from home. “Let’s go home.” His eyes still burned with that fire and Riza didn’t doubt he’d tear the world apart to find out who or what had harmed her.

Even she was still at a loss for what happened. Chris was entirely trustworthy but until she was home, Riza wouldn’t feel safe discussing what had happened. She shuddered again. In an instant, Roy’s arm was around her shoulder as they walked, holding onto her impossibly tightly. Riza appreciated and needed his comfort and support.

Riza tried to drag up enthusiasm for her daughter as she chatted away in the backseat of their car. All she could manage were half smiles and poor excuses for laughs as terror threatened to consume her. Selim had no issue coming after her. Would they target Mia? She almost panicked in the passenger seat but dug her nails harshly into her palms to stave it off. Roy glanced over at her, noticing the state of her hands, but could offer her no words, not with Mia oblivious in the back seat. Instead, he reached across at a set of traffic lights, his palm face-up and resting upon her thigh. Slipping her hand into it slowly, Roy latched on and gave her fingers a tight squeeze. Slowly, he smoothed out her palm and ran his thumb over the marks her fingernails had made on her palm.

Regrettably, he had to remove it once the lights turned green, but it had been enough for the moment. It had calmed her. Letting out a breath, Riza tried her best to relax back into her seat and pay more attention to what Mia was saying.

* * *

Why Roy was called suddenly out of their home with Mia that evening was not discussed until they were alone in their bedroom. Mia had gone up to bed and once alone, Roy started to press, however Riza just shook her head and kept her mouth shut about the incident. She didn’t know where it was safe yet and it terrified her.

_We will be watching._

Was she still safe in her own home? Every shadow was a threat to her now, and a reminder. There was no way to escape light.

They went about their evening like normal, but Riza knew Roy was watching her. Every creak, though there were not many, made her jump and Roy noticed. After the first instance, he watched her even more closely. Trying to help, he waved away her attempts to try and clean up after dinner, but Riza needed to be busy. She needed a task, something to focus on. So, she’d taken Mia up to bed and lay with her for a while, listening to her daughter’s deep and even breathing once she was asleep.

Journeying back downstairs she found Roy in their dining room, hunched over the table. He cursed, bringing his thumb to his mouth to suck on it. Shaking out his wrist, he hissed in pain as his other, uninjured hand, returned to what was on the surface, hidden from her view.

“What are you doing?”

Riza’s head cocked to try and look around Roy, but he spun in place quickly, moving his body in front of it. A fake smile was plastered across his face, making him look pained rather than reassuring.

She lifted a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Nothing.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“It’s nothing, honestly –”

“Liar.”

In mock hurt, Roy huffed, but still didn’t move out of the way. Her curiosity only increased.

“It was supposed to be a surprise, but the generic picture frame has defeated me,” he sighed, taking a step to the left.

Against the glass lay her certification, face down, and looking slightly crumpled thanks to her careless actions earlier in the evening.

“I figured putting it in the frame right away would smooth it out a little.”

Reaching over, Roy slipped the back of the frame in place, but not secure, and flipped it over carefully. Inside a golden border lay her certification from the university.

“Congratulations, Riza.”

As she stared down at it, tears threatening to collect in the corner of her eyes, Roy pressed a kiss to her temple as a hand rose to rest upon her shoulder.

“I… Thank you,” she breathed, a slow smile spreading across her face as she turned to look at him. She swallowed past the lump in her throat as she took in the way his eyes crinkled with his joy.

“You’re more than welcome. Let me just…” Quickly, the frame was flipped, and Roy secured the back in place. His actions were precise and careful, trying to avoid hurting himself on the sharp metal pieces that held the back of the frame in place.

It stood, without incident, proudly on her table. A culmination of all her work in the last six years. All on a simple piece of paper, presented properly in beautiful swirls of ink and shining gold leaf, printed with her name in the centre.

“There,” Roy announced proudly. “Now you just need to decide where you want to hang it.”

“On the wall?”

“Of course. It’s being shown off somewhere,” he added. “It’s not going to be hidden away.”

“What about next to your State Alchemist certification?”

Roy grimaced. “But that’s in _my_ office.”

“Okay…” Riza didn’t know where to put it.

“You’ll need an office soon, won’t you?” Roy’s head cocked in thought. “You’ll need somewhere to work from if you’re a teacher. You’re own space. Why don’t we convert the storage space downstairs by the kitchen into one?”

“I can use the dining table,” Riza reassured him. “There’s more than enough room there.”

“But if you’re working, you’ll need some peace and quiet from the kids, right? So you would be better with an office of your own.”

“We’ll see.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to cause trouble,” he teased, a cheeky smile on his face.

“I am not,” Riza grumped, but even she heard the poor lie.

Right now, she was in no state to be reorganising furniture and moving boxes that were in their storage space. If she was to get an office of her own, she would want to help with the conversion and not leave Roy to do it all by himself. In the same vein, luckily, they’d had the nursery set up for their new little one months ago. It had been an easy one. They just needed to get Mia’s old crib back from Chris, where they’d stored it after it outgrew their old apartment. The walls were a seafoam green colour when they moved in and neither parent saw a need to change it. It had just been Mia’s playroom initially, however once the news had broken that Riza was pregnant, it was quickly repurposed. Mia had barely even used it anyway, preferring to play in the living room with her parent’s company.

“We’ll leave it for now,” Roy relented. “But give it a thought. I want you to have your own space. For now, we can hang it in the living room for all to see,” he beamed.

Rolling her eyes, Riza still nodded and agreed with him. If it meant more to Roy than her, she wouldn’t take it away from him.

“Thank you.” Riza patted the hand on her shoulder gently.

“For what?”

“For that,” she gestured towards the frame, “and for…”

The dread that had followed her earlier returned, unwelcome, as she remembered what had occurred that night. Her cheek stung for a second.

“For distracting me,” she finally finished.

Understanding dawned on Roy, and he nodded, his expression grim. Riza realised that she hated herself for mentioning it, because gone was his happy and proud smile. In its place was a look that was both thoughtful and displeased. His eyes moved to her covered cheek.

“Any time for you, Riza. You know that,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Once in the safety of their bedroom, her safe haven, Riza bared herself to Roy, ready to reveal as much as she could about all that occurred that night. How she’d do it, Riza wasn’t entirely sure, but she _needed_ to. She couldn’t leave him in the dark, and it would be important to the case he was building against them.

Roy was in bed already, observing her move around the room to gather what she needed to change. He didn’t even try to hide his watchful gaze anymore. He’d been eyeing her closely, protectively, as she undressed and as much as it irritated Riza, she understood his reasons why.

As Riza shrugged out of her blouse, she heard Roy shift on the bed. It creaked as he stood up and Riza heard footsteps.

The shirt bunched around her wrists and Riza let it hang there. There was no escaping Roy seeing the marks now. They circled around her neck and wrists, a reminder of Selim’s – or “Pride’s” – message.

“Is this what happened tonight?” His voice was low and there was a hint of his anger bleeding through it. If she turned, Riza knew she’d see it in his eyes, so she didn’t turn to look at him.

Their happy evening, the reveal of her framed certification, felt like a lifetime ago in that moment.

Nodding, Riza’s head tipped to look down. Unseeing, her gaze settled on her stomach as her fringe framed her vision.

The fingers against her skin were impossibly gentle as they skimmed over the pink marks. They were fading but not quick enough. Riza swallowed. They were meant to last, to haunt her. A message in themselves.

“And the cheek too?”

Riza nodded again.

Roy’s feet appeared in her view, toes hidden by her extended stomach. One of his hands lifted hers, gentle tugging the blouse off one wrist. He did the same with the other, tossing the shirt into the laundry pile. On the collar Riza spotted a dot of dried blood. The brown stood out alarmingly against the soft cream of the fabric. Walking behind her, he unclasped her bra and did the same thing. Riza shivered in the cool air of the room, but he quickly eased her pyjama top over her head, tugging it on and over her exposed skin. Smoothing it out made her shiver, but this one was welcome. His touch warmed her, a reminder that she was safe and at home.

Snaking her arms through the shirt, Riza finally glanced up at him. His smile was kind and gentle.

“Let’s go to bed,” he offered, grasping her hand tightly and giving it a squeeze.

As soon as her head hit the pillow Roy snuggled in as close as he could. Their heads were bent, both looking at her stomach as they rested together. Riza’s hands covered her stomach protectively, joined by one of Roy’s.

“Can you talk about it?”

Riza tensed. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Do you want to?” The hand on her stomach lifted to caress her cheekbone, the thumb running gently over the plaster covering it for good measure. It relaxed her tensed muscles somewhat.

She nodded. “Of course I do.”

“Take all the time you need, Riza.”

His eyes were understanding but there was a pain in them too. He wanted to help, to ease her suffering, but he didn’t know how. Riza knew exactly how he felt, remembering just how hard it had been on _her_ when Roy hadn’t opened up about Ishval in the beginning, and the eventual fall out of it. Riza experienced a strong sense of déjà vu, knowing what she had to do, even if the thought did scare her.

_Tell him we say hello and nothing else._

“I ran into Fuhrer Bradley tonight.”

Roy’s entire body froze. The hand on her cheek stilled and his eyes widened considerably. She could already see the anger forming as his gaze hardened. Muscles growing visibly taut, Riza thought he might jump out the bed any second.

“He was at the university with his family,” Riza continued. She reached up, removing his hand from her face so she could entwine their fingers together, anchoring herself. It kept the fear of her encounter at bay. “I met Mrs. Bradley and their son, Selim. They told me to say hello,” Riza swallowed.

“Did that bas –”

“Remember Scar?”

Roy’s head cocked, bewildered at the sudden change in conversation. It startled him out of his angered thoughts, bringing him back to her, so Riza tapped her finger on his palm twice, hoping he’d get her signal.

“And how the Elric brothers went up against him?”

Slowly, Roy nodded. His expression changed as he listened intently.

“Friends of mine were also involved, Lucy and Iain. I met up with them this evening too,” she lied.

If shadows were no longer safe and someone was ‘watching’ them, it was better to be safe than sorry.

“At the University?”

Riza shook her head. “I saw them on the way there. They’re stationed out East still, but were in town, so it was nice to run into them. Mary still works at the university, though.”

“Oh, the one with the dark hair… Obsessed with cats?”

Riza elbowed him gently but was glad he was playing along. Anything to ease the tension over them as she tried to get her message across.

“That’s Ida. Married to Sugar. They have five, I think.”

“If you like cats, you like cats,” Roy shrugged.

“True. I wonder if Havoc has managed to get a cat yet. He was always indifferent towards our dog. I wonder if cats are more his thing?”

“Maybe. I’ll ask next time I give him a call.”

“It would be nice to send over some presents if he did get a furry friend,” Riza added. “I think he said Oscar was a good name for a pet. Or Mike.”

“He’s as poor at naming things as you,” Roy snorted.

“I didn’t name our dog,” Riza reminded him. “That was our daughter.” Carefully, Riza edited herself so that she avoided their names so not to endanger the coded message.

“Okay, okay,” Roy relented in surrender. “Point taken.”

“Uri, your friend from the academy, was the worst from what I remember.”

“Oh yeah, what did he call his dog again?” Roy’s head cocked to the side as he pretended to cast his mind back.

“Nora,” Riza smiled.

“Oh, that poor dog.”

“He could at least have gone with something generic for a pet, like Charlie. But Uri wanted to call it after his grandmother.”

“That’s kind of sweet though, in a way,” Roy reasoned.

“I think Lucy was planning to do the same as Uri, but… Imagine calling your dog Stirling. I would have a hard time calling after it at the dog park with a name like that.”

Riza tapped her finger twice against his palm.

Chuckling, Roy nodded in agreement. “I hear you,” he replied. “I’ll be right back,” he muttered distractedly, but Roy did lean over to kiss her cheek before leaving the bed and entering the bathroom.

“Okay.” Riza cuddled into the warmth he’d left behind, waiting, and listening for his reaction.

“Oh…” She heard him murmur and Riza cringed. Now that he knew the truth, he may be even angrier than before. There was a pause, then the sound of Roy rummaging through a drawer, followed by a _snap_. A sound akin to a candle burning reached Riza, but quickly turned muted and disappeared.

In the doorway Roy stood, wide eyed, completely shocked. The light from their bathroom silhouetted his frame, but she saw the raw emotion on his face.

He looked terrified.

Riza offered him one nod, confirming his thoughts.

Turning the light out, he hurried over and jumped back into bed. Riza was drawn against him and she didn’t protest now that he knew exactly who she’d had a run in with tonight.

A homunculus.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he whispered into her ear ever so quietly. His arms gave her a tight squeeze.

Riza clutched at him in return. “Me too.”

“The marks will fade,” he added, running a hand gently across her neck and then her wrist. “I’m sorry you have to bear them, though.”

“It’s not because of you.”

He shot her a pained look.

“There’s _no way_ you get to blame this on yourself,” Riza warned. “Don’t you dare.”

“It’s hard not to,” Roy admitted so quietly, his voice catching. Eyes dropped away from her, expression bitter at his inability to look out for her like they’d agreed to.

“It’s nothing I will ever hold against you, Roy Mustang,” Riza announced passionately, grasping his hand tightly in hers. It made him look up and meet her eyes sadly. “You didn’t plan this. No one could have.” She gave his hand another squeeze, more gently this time. “We’ll just have to be more careful in future.”

“You shouldn’t have to be though.”

Riza shook her head. “That’s the world we live in right now.”

“It’s not the world I want.”

“That’s why we’re working, right?” Offering him a reassuring smile, Riza curled up against him as best she could. Inhaling deeply, she took in the smell of him, of home. “I’m right here,” she whispered.

It was quiet, then Roy shifted, readjusting his grip. “I know,” he nodded, sounding defeated, but also relieved. “I know you are. I’m so thankful you are.”

Wrapped as tightly in his arms as she was now, Riza wasn’t going anywhere for the rest of the night, and that was okay with her.


	33. you'll be in my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy :)
> 
> song for this chapter: phil collins – you’ll be in my heart

**1914**

** _yes you'll be in my heart_ **

** _from this day on now and forever more_ **

The day the newest member of the Mustang household was born into the world started out just like any other.

Riza, exhausted before it even hit nine o’clock in the morning, hurried their easily excitable daughter to get ready for school as quickly as possible after Roy left for work. They made it to the school gates just in time for Riza to give Mia a quick kiss and for Mia to give Hayate a scratch behind the ears in farewell.

Chuckling, Riza turned away from the school once Mia entered the building. Hayate was whining quietly, sorry to see his best friend disappear for the next few hours.

“Come on, Hayate,” she ushered, signalling for him to walk.

Despite his vocal despair, Hayate obeyed but kept looking behind him to see if Mia would suddenly appear. It had been years, but this was his behaviour every time. Riza didn’t want to see her dog suffering, however it was amusing and warmed her heart to know they shared such a strong bond. Nothing would ever tear those two apart and Riza was grateful for it.

They walked along the pavement towards the centre of town to the large park. It was slow progress. Most days, Riza felt like she was moving through honey, but the doctor assured her that walking was still good exercise and an activity she should be partaking in as much as possible. It may also move the baby on further, which Riza was completely in favour of. She loved their child and didn’t mind being pregnant in the slightest, but she wanted to meet them already. Her ankles weren’t too sore thanks to Roy’s foot rub that morning. However, the pain still plagued her and they were almost always in constant pain in the evenings. Her back pain had finally eased a little, thankfully. Instead of it being short and sharp it was a constant dull ache. Headaches became her most prominent gripe, but Riza felt that was more manageable. As least she could move around more easily with a sore head, compared to back ache.

If Riza could bend down comfortably and let Hayate off the lead, she would. She winced as she twisted, feeling a light cramp in the muscles of her stomach so opted not to push her luck. Instead, Hayate had to walk dutifully by her side on his lead, which he didn’t seem to mind. He wandered and Riza let him, sniffing the edges of the path and foraging through piles of old dead leaves that hadn’t quite disintegrated yet in the winter cold. He never once pulled.

_He’s such a good dog_, Riza thought fondly as she watched him stop and wait for her to catch up. Once she did, he continued onwards, and this happened throughout their walk like clockwork. Riza enjoyed watching his antics. She loved their little pup.

Once home, Riza sat down on their couch, spent. That discomfort in her stomach was still present but it came in short bouts. As time moved on, the bouts prolonged further, but it was probably just the baby shifting. She’d been warned that would happen as she reached her fortieth week of pregnancy, and the same had happened with Mia as well. Until the pain came, Riza would try not stress herself out too much.

It was really _nice_, Riza realised, not to have coursework to go through while Mia was at school. After achieving her certification, her days opened up completely. Riza didn’t know what to do with herself having so much free time. She’d need to find something new to fill her focus, but while waiting on Baby Mustang to be born, she allowed herself a break. Once the baby arrived it would be all hands on deck and she’d probably not sleep properly for months. Roy reasoned with her to enjoy the peace while she could.

The first contraction hit, waking Riza from the light sleep she’d fallen into on the couch. It was uncomfortable, the sharp pain lasting only a few seconds. Heart thudding inside her chest, Riza pulled herself off the couch just in time for her water to break.

“Uh…” Never had a more eloquent sound come out of Riza’s mouth in that moment as she stared down at the puddle of water on the carpet. “Oh… _Shit_.”

That was quick.

Hayate looked down at the puddle. Riza was afraid he’d come over and sniff or drink it. Then he looked up at her, cocking his head to the side.

Another contraction hit, painful and leaving her breathless. Clutching her abdomen, Riza breathed through it while Hayate whined at her feet. His ears pulled back as he stared up at her, distressed by Riza’s current state.

“It’s all right, boy,” she panted. Sweat trickled down her temple, making her swipe at it irritably.

He was hot in her heels as Riza hobbled over to the phone.

“Colonel Mustang,” Roy greeted professionally once Riza had made her way through the process of the operator.

“Roy,” Riza greeted. She opened her mouth to continue when another contraction hit. Riza gasped as a sharp pain shot through her. The timing was ‘perfect’ and she rolled her eyes before they squeezed tightly closed and grit her teeth.

“Riza?” He was instantly alarmed, proving Riza’s assumption correct. She would have liked to get out what was happening to her first before Roy heard her groan in pain. It would only make him fret.

“I’m fine,” she choked out, clenching her jaw hard. “I’m all right. It’s the baby, Roy. My water just broke.”

“Holy shit.”

Riza burst out laughing but it quickly turned to a hiss of pain.

“Oh, shit, um… Right.” He was flapping on the other side of the phone, flustered after her sudden announcement. Just like Riza had predicted.

“Roy, I’ll get you at the hospital,” Riza told him.

“What?” He squawked at her, horrified at her suggestion. “I’m coming home to get you!”

“I’ll get Chris to come. She’s closer,” Riza reasoned.

They’d already had this conversation, which Roy agreed to. When faced with the sudden appearance of his child Roy was freaking out. All sense of reason had gone out the window.

Riza’s breathing finally evened out as the wave of pain passed. Her shoulders sagged in relief. Riza tried to catch her breath as she leaned against the wall beside her heavily.

“Riza –”

“_Go_ to the hospital,” she urged him, stressing the importance of that command. “I’ll see you there.”

“Riza!”

“Roy, for God’s sake, just go!” Riza cried. “It makes no difference who takes me!”

“But –”

“Go,” she almost growled. “You being there is more important than making me wait longer for you to pick me up.” There was a short, sharp stabbing pain once more. Her fingers dug into the skin of her stomach as her eyes squeezed tightly closed. “At this rate, the kid may be born here if you don’t stop arguing with me and get off the phone.”

“Right. Okay.” He sounded calmer now that he had direction. It also sounded like he was psyching himself up to make the journey. “All right. See you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too, Roy,” she smiled, hiding her gasp behind a harshly bit lip until she heard the click of him hanging up. Once he had, a loud groan of pain left Riza’s lips, but she still reached with shaking fingers to dial Chris’ number.

“Chris? My water broke,” Riza panted into the phone.

“On it,” Chris barked, and there was the sound of movement. “See you in ten minutes.”

She hung up.

Quick and efficient, that’s what Riza needed.

* * *

Riza batted her eyes open and was greeted with the sight of a hospital room. Every muscle in her body felt sore, strained and fatigued after the few hours of labour she’d endured. There wasn’t much strength left in her to lift her head off the pillow, so she rolled it in place, moving from one side of the room to the other.

In the chair by her bedside, Roy was snoring gently. He looked as exhausted she felt, head tipped over the back of the chair with his nose pointed straight up to the ceiling. He would probably have a crick in his neck when he awoke. His legs were sprawled out, hanging wide open, the muscles completely relaxed. Arms were hung over the sides of the chair.

Their new-born child rested in the tiny crib beside Roy. One of his hands gripped the railing of the crib as he dozed, desperate for that connection between himself and his son.

Son…

Riza smirked tiredly, remembering the mop of black hair she’d seen on her son’s head before he was whisked away to be cleaned up by the nurses. Their little one had given her such a hard time after her water broke, that once he was born, meeting him was a blur before quickly falling asleep in her exhaustion. The last thing Riza remembered seeing was their child resting upon her chest as Roy looked on, tears in his eyes but a massive grin on his face.

Throat dry, Riza cleared it, feeling a scratch of pain. Smacking her lips, she thought about how desperate she was for a glass of water.

Roy snorted, sitting upright and blinking tiredly. He muttered her name, still looking half asleep before eyes fluttered closed once more. A deep sigh left his lungs as he settled back into the chair with an uncomfortable grimace.

Unable to help herself, Riza laughed. However, her throat was so dry and irritated, it caused her to break out into a coughing fit.

“Riza?” Blinking blearily, Roy forced himself to focus on her.

Offering him a tired wave Riza silently reassured her husband she was fine.

“Riza!” In a flash, Roy was upright and leaning towards her. He grasped the hand closest to him tightly, rubbing his thumbs over the back of her palm as a comfort. “What do you need? Is there anything I can get you?”

“Water,” she requested.

His warmth left her hand as both reached towards her head, but off to the side. On the bedside table, apparently there had been a pitcher of water left. Riza hadn’t even noticed or seen it. Not that she had enough strength to turn her head that far to see.

It dribbled down her chin, pooling in the hollow of her neck, but it was cool and refreshing nonetheless. Roy wiped away the excess liquid carefully and settled back into his chair, a tired, yet immensely proud smile on his face.

Riza took in his appearance. Her labour had been relatively quick compared to Mia’s. Within a few hours she’d birthed Baby Mustang and brought him into the world. Still, Roy looked drained and Riza had expected as much. Upon her arrival, he’d been flapping again, both stressed for Riza and frantic on her behalf. It was his first time going through it so she still worried. He’d been working himself up into a frenzy as Riza rode out her contractions. Chris managed to keep him calm when Riza couldn’t which she was thankful for. She thought he might faint in the delivery room, but Roy didn’t. He managed to keep himself upright and present for her, patting the hand that was holding him in a death grip.

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Riza answered, cracking a smile, “but I’m happy.”

“Me too,” he beamed.

“Where is he?”

“Right here, Riza.”

Roy wheeled the crib over to her bedside, moving it between himself and the bed.

Her head wouldn’t lift for long off the pillow, causing Riza to huff in frustration. But, after a quiet chuckle from Roy, he stood and leaned over, supporting her had as she gazed down at her child. Easily, he slipped in behind her and the pillows, taking all her weight. Riza’s abdominal muscles ached but she pushed through. Her child was more important than her pain.

Baby Mustang was perfect. His face and body were tiny. His little fingers were gathered into his palm, resting up by his face against his rosy cheek. His smallest finger twitched, elongating for a moment, before curling back in with the others. Riza’s entire body melted at the sight of him. That mop of black hair stuck up on end with static as it rubbed against the sheet in his crib. The white swaddle was tight against his tiny body, making him seem so much smaller than he was.

“He’s amazing,” Riza choked out. She laughed, wiping away a tear as she groaned.

“What?” Roy laughed along with her, tears in his own eyes as he gazed lovingly down at her and rubbed her upper arm affectionately.

“With Mia I was a sobbing mess after giving birth,” Riza chuckled. “It seems it will be happening again,” she sniffed.

Roy laughed. “You’re allowed to be, I think,” he murmured. “He’s worth crying over…” He trailed off and Riza watched as Roy stared down at the baby, completely in awe of what he was seeing.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Riza whispered, moving her eyes so she was staring down at Baby Mustang too. Her head tipped to rest against Roy’s cheek. A tight pressure on her fingers distracted her for a second.

“Me too,” Roy whispered, eyes shining as he lifted her hand to his lips. A hard kiss was pressed to the back of it.

“What shall we call him?”

They’d discussed names. One stuck out for Riza the most, but she wanted Roy to admit it and accept it completely himself before she pushed the idea. It was fitting, naming their son after their late friend, Riza thought. A lovely homage. Whether Roy committed to it or not, Riza wanted to see. She hoped he would because she knew how much it would mean to him.

Roy swallowed thickly as he gazed down at their son. He was silent, struggling to come up with his answer. Patiently, Riza followed suit and simply stared at Baby Mustang so she could marvel at his tiny fingers and nose, giving Roy all the time he needed.

“I know what you want to call him,” Roy whispered.

“Is it so wrong?”

Roy shook his head. “Not wrong. Not at all,” he reassured. “But…”

“What, Roy?” Her prompt was gentle. Before the birth she purposefully hadn’t brought it up because she didn’t want to upset him. However, they needed to get to the bottom of it before it was too late. Riza didn’t want there to be any regrets.

“I don’t know if I can name him after Maes,” Roy admitted quietly.

“Why not?” She was genuinely curious. What were his reasonings?

“It… I don’t know,” he admitted in defeat.

“You can tell me,” Riza urged.

“I know but…” His breath sounded strangled before he cleared his throat. “I don’t know… It feels like it’s too much,” he mumbled.

“We named Mia after your mother,” Riza reminded him.

“I know,” he admitted. “So it’s your turn to choose who we name him after.” He was trying a different tactic.

Riza shook her head. “There’s no one in my family worth naming our son after.”

Roy huffed.

“It will be a lovely homage to your brother,” she whispered. Riza gripped his fingers tightly to give them a quick squeeze.

Roy cleared his throat, his spine straightening. He blinked the tears from his eyes and sighed heavily in acceptance.

“Are you sure?”

“As sure as I’ve ever been,” Riza nodded.

Roy glanced at her out the side of his eye.

“I’ve known this would be what it would boil down to if we had a son,” Riza admitted. “I have no issue at all with it, so long as you're happy with the choice.”

He tried to cover up his tears by clearing his throat again. He shifted, gripping onto Riza tightly as he stared down at baby Maes. A choked sob left him, which Roy also tried to hide, but the second one was impossible to restrain. Soon, tears were falling down his cheeks.

Riza grinned at him.

“Welcome to the word, baby Maes,” she cooed quietly as Roy sniffed and nodded in agreement beside her. He was unable to speak.

* * *

“He’s named after Uncle Maes?” Mia’s voice was barely above a whisper as she gazed down at Maes in his baby carrier. Her eyes were wide as she tried to take in every detail of her baby brother. She’d already stated his tiny fingers were her favourite thing about him.

Riza nodded. “He is.”

“That’s so cool… Was I named after anyone?”

Roy cocked his head then grimaced. “You were,” he replied carefully, “but I’ll tell you all about that once we get Mum and Maes settled.”

Announcing that she was named after her grandmother would confuse their six-year-old, so Riza understood Roy’s hesitation. According to Mia, Chris was her grandmother and had been for her entire life. It wasn’t worth confusing her just now without an opportunity to explain properly so Mia would understand.

“Okay!” Her grin was back on her face as she skipped after her father. Since meeting Maes she hadn’t ventured far from his side, desperate to keep her eyes on him.

Vanessa helped Riza inside the house, grasping her elbow lightly for support just in case. She’d been too tired to reassure that she was fine and could walk by herself, so let her sister-in-law guide her inside.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” Vanessa looked at Riza expectantly, awaiting direction.

“The couch is fine,” Riza answered. She wasn’t quite ready to leave her family just yet.

Mia meeting Maes was one of the most adorable things Riza had ever seen. She’d gasped so quietly, creeping over to look at him, silent as a mouse, afraid to disturb him. Riza melted as she watched on, feeling tears prick the corner of her eyes. She was so considerate of him already. Now that they were home, she was hovering over his baby carrier once more in the centre of the room. All she did was stare at him in wonder.

“Need anything Riza?”

She shook her head before shooting Roy a grateful smile.

“Would you like a coffee?” Roy extended the offer to Vanessa.

“That would be lovely, thank you.” 

Riza was eased onto the couch with the help of Vanessa. Once she was seated, her sister-in-law flipped her hair out of the way before looking expectantly back at Riza.

“Do you need anything? Any more cushions?”

“No, I’m all right. Thank you though, Vanessa. For all your help.”

“Of course,” she beamed. “It’s no problem, you know that.”

Vanessa had stepped in to help them home from the hospital. It was no secret that Venessa and Riza had ‘become’ friends during their time frequenting the Ladies Night at Christmas’ Bar. It would raise no suspicion if a friend helped Riza and Roy make their way back home from the hospital. Chris had left after meeting Maes. Riza was _sure_ she’d seen tears in the gruff woman’s eyes but didn’t announce it. Secretly, Riza grinned to herself with the observation. The woman loved her grandchildren very much.

Mia was silent as the adults talked in the room, completely focussed on her brother. But Maes started to fuss quietly as Vanessa was finishing off her coffee and Mia started to worry.

“Mum?” Her voice was full of fear as she stared wide-eyed down at him.

Maes swiped a hand at his cheek after he yawned, face screwing up as he made tiny noises of discomfort.

“I got it,” Roy answered immediately, standing from his armchair. His mug was placed on the floor as he strode over, crouching down beside Mia.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing bad, Mia,” Roy reassured with a light laugh. “He’s maybe a little uncomfortable.”

“Can I help?”

Vanessa cooed in the background.

“He might need to be changed, or he might be hungry. I’ll go and find out what he needs,” Roy explained. “Thank you for offering though, Mia. That’s very kind of you.”

Lifting Maes into his arms, Mia watched on, wringing her hands together.

“She’s adorable,” Vanessa leaned over to whisper.

“She is, isn’t she?”

“Mia Bear loves her brother,” Vanessa giggled. “Your kids are so adorable.”

Riza beamed.

“He needs changed,” Roy announced. “I’ll be back in a second.”

Mia walked to the door with her father but stopped on the threshold. Roy continued onwards to head up the stairs to Maes’ room.

“Mia?”

She turned, biting her lip.

“Come over here,” Riza beckoned, opening her arms.

Mia clambered onto the couch as her Aunt Vanessa scooted over. She cuddled into Riza’s chest, her hands clinging onto her shirt.

“What’s wrong?” Stroking her forehead always managed to calm her, so Riza brushed her fingers across her skin to try and ease Mia’s fears.

“I’m worried about Maes,” Mia admitted in a whisper.

“Why? He’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with him.”

“But he’s so tiny!” she exclaimed. “And he looked upset. I don’t want him to be upset.”

“Babies cry, Mia,” Riza explained, cuddling her daughter close. “Maes will be doing a lot of that from now on. He can’t speak yet so that’s how he tells us something is wrong.”

“Did I cry a lot?”

“You did,” Riza grinned. “You woke us up through the night all the time.”

She pulled away, horrified.

“That’s what babies do,” Riza shrugged. Lifting a hand to her hair, Riza reorganised Mia’s mussed up fringe and smoothed it down. Her hand trailed down to cup her cheek, the other booping her on the nose. Mia giggled, squirming away.

“Do you think he’ll wake me up?”

“We’ll try very hard to make sure he doesn’t. Maes will be sleeping in our room for a little while so hopefully he doesn’t. If he does, Dad and I will help him. You can just go back to sleep,” Riza reassured.

Nodding in acceptance, Mia relaxed against the cushions. Fondly, Vanessa patted the top of her head, running her hand through Mia’s ponytail. It was reorganised on her back, trailing down her spine. It had grown longer since her birthday, falling in between her shoulder blades now.

“Mum and Dad will do everything to make Maes happy, just like they do for you,” Vanessa reassured cheerily.

“They do make me very happy,” Mia agreed, assuring her aunt that was the case.

Riza laughed. “I’m glad, Mia Bear. You and Maes make us the happiest people on the planet.”


	34. what a wonderful world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy this chapter <3
> 
> song for this chapter: louis armstrong – what a wonderful world

**1914**

** _i hear babies cry, i watch them grow_ **

** _they'll learn much more than i'll never know_ **

** _and i think to myself_ **

** _what a wonderful world_ **

There was nothing Roy wanted more than to collapse into his soft, warm bed, with his wife in his arms, and sleep his troubles away. His footsteps were heavy as he climbed the steps, his fatigued muscles quivering as if he was climbing up a mountain, rather than a staircase. He couldn’t wait to shut off his mind and stop thinking about the military and his grand plans and _contingency _plans for a couple of hours. It would be bliss.

It was his nightly ritual to stop outside Mia’s bedroom door and take a peek inside. The massive hulking bear she’d received for her birthday startled him, just like it did every time he poked his head into the room at night. Mia was sound asleep, cuddled into Mr. Brown the Bear. Her face was half hidden in his worn fur as Roy watched on, waiting to confirm that her chest was rising and falling with her breath. Once satisfied she was breathing normally he closed the door behind him.

He was silent stepping into his own bedroom. The creaking hinge did not betray him and Roy moved smoothly as he crept inside. Roy took quiet and careful steps into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Adrenaline on high, he let out a breath of relief after his successful voyage past the two sleeping forms.

Maes was a little terror. He slept for most of the day and woke up to fuss through the night. He gurgled for food but hardly took any when Riza offered. Having a clingy baby was wearing on them both. Whenever Riza got up through the night, Roy did too. They both woke to Maes’ single anguished cry at the same time, Riza up and out the bed before him to see what their son needed. The boy was completely nocturnal and was slowly turning his mother that way too. They’d quickly learned that she had to sleep when he did in order for Riza to get _some_ kind of rest, but even then, Maes slept an hour and was up, slept three then woke for another feed. It was exhausting.

Roy had suggested the idea of moving Maes onto bottled milk so he could at least help out a little. That hadn’t gone down well at first. Riza was adamant and insisted they didn’t need it yet. However, she was wearing thin. Getting no restful sleep and shouldering all of the responsibility of Maes on her shoulders was getting to her. It was clear as day. Roy felt guilty. It had only been a week or so after Mia was born that he returned from Ishval. In the beginning, Riza was probably used to being the only one who looked after their new-born. But he was here now, and wanted to extend his help. Pushing too much would cause an argument, however, and that would just pile on more stress for Riza. Roy didn’t want that. He was struggling, seeing symptoms of postnatal depression settling in, but unable to help or ease her pain.

Stepping out into the bedroom, Roy noticed Riza was turned towards him. Her hair had been tied up in a bun to keep it out of the way, but now stuck out all over the place as it rubbed over her pillow in her sleep. Roy wondered if her stress throughout the day had anything to do with that too. Dark circles were present underneath her eyes, one hidden from view because it was buried into her pillow. She looked exhausted even when she was asleep.

Sliding in beside her, Roy stared down at his wife. A strand of hair had fallen against her cheek. Noticing how greasy it looked, Roy pushed it gently aside and vowed that tomorrow he would pry Maes from her as soon as he could, leaving her free to go and have a long, relaxing bath. It was his day off so he was going to bond with his son. A smile spread across his face. Roy couldn’t wait.

Peeking over Riza’s shoulder, Roy checked on Maes. He was sound asleep as he lay on his back. One arm was up by his head, his tiny fingers clenched into a tight fist. His little legs kicked out in his swaddle and he let out a small noise. Roy froze.

_Don’t you dare wake up, kid_, he warned inside his head. Holding his breath, Roy waited, but Maes settled and was quiet.

His whole body sagged in relief.

But it was short lived. Roy closed his eyes, feeling his exhaustion already carrying him off to sleep, when a sharp cry sounded from the crib.

Riza’s eyes popped open without hesitation and she rolled away from Roy immediately.

“I’ve got it –”

She didn’t even hear Roy speak. Riza continued moving forward to pick up Maes. Her shoulders were drooping, her speech slurred with sleep as she cooed at him gently, practically begging him to calm himself and sleep.

“Riza –”

She started to walk out the room to Maes’ nursery, either oblivious to him or just too tired to focus on anything else.

Stepping in her path was the only thing Roy could think of to get her to listen and notice him. Riza jumped in fright right before she walked into him. Slowly, Roy placed two hands on her shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze to try and bring her back to him.

“I’ll take Maes,” he offered quietly.

“But –”

“Riza, please. Let me see to him. You can go back to sleep.”

“If he’s hungry –”

“I will come back and get you I promise,” Roy vowed, soothing her. “But you’re tired. I can go and find out what he needs.”

Maes was handed off to him as Riza trudged back to bed still looking half asleep. Roy chuckled as she flopped down, cuddling back into her pillow.

“Looks like it's you and me tonight, Maes,” Roy whispered. He placed a kiss upon his son’s forehead as he slipped out the room. The creaking hinge was back and surprised Maes with the sudden noise. Roy felt him jump in his arms.

“Sorry, buddy,” Roy whispered while Maes let out a disgruntled sound.

Stepping into the nursery he could easily make his way around Mia’s old bed without kicking it. They’d stored it there because the nursery was large enough to have a single bed in it as well as everything they needed to care for Maes. Since it had been Mia’s old one, the springs were broken after she’d jumped on it too many times, but it was still a bed. It was still warm and comfortable.

Moonlight bathed the nursery in a silver glow and Roy was half tempted to leave the light off and enjoy the atmosphere, but he needed to see what he was doing. Especially if he was changing Maes. One time he’d forgotten to arrange his nappy properly – “frills on the outside!” Riza always reminded him – and he urinated over Roy, leaking through his nappy. Riza found this hilarious but Roy didn’t mind too much. It was the most he’d heard her laugh since Maes was born.

“You’ve been giving Mummy a bit of a hard time,” Roy cooed, brushing Maes cheek with his finger. “But we still love you very much, Maes. So we’re going to have to work on that a little bit. _I_ need to be better too,” he added, “Mummy always said I slept like a log and not much could wake me through the night but I want to be awake for you.”

Maes was laid down on the changing table. He yawned and blinked his dark eyes awake, staring up at his father. Roy placed both hands on either side of his son, leaning over him so he could marvel at every movement. His hair had looked black when he was first born but it was taking on a lighter tone as the weeks progressed. It was starting to look brown and Roy hoped it would continue on that trend or turn blonde. It almost matched the colour of his eyes. They were a deep chocolate shade, taking more after his mother than him. Roy grinned down at him.

Maes blinked once before his head cocked to the side. As time dragged on, Maes’ face scrunched up in discomfort.

“Okay, Maes. Let’s see if you need changed.”

He did. Triumphantly, Roy changed his son and eased him into his chest once it was over. Patting his back gently, Roy bounced Maes from side to side and prayed that would calm him enough to get him back to sleep.

Maes did fall asleep. He was sound in Roy’s arms, his tiny head resting against Roy’s shoulder.

“Yes,” Roy celebrated with a quiet laugh.

Pausing at the door, Roy had a thought. He almost returned to his own bedroom when he spied the bed out the corner of his eye again. It would be perfect for the thought that just occurred to him.

Grinning, Roy walked down the stairs to their darkened living room to ease Maes in his portable sleep basket. Having it meant they could transport Maes around the house easily and keep him in the same room as them while he slept. Roy carried it back up to the nursery and placed it by the side of the old bed.

The sheets smelled slightly musty after not being stirred for a long time. Roy wrinkled his nose as he climbed in and made a mental note to change and wash them in the morning.

This way, if Maes woke up again, it would let Riza sleep in peace.

Roy fell asleep with a smile on his face, proud of his idea. He was just so clever.

* * *

Dawn light filtered into the room, stirring Roy awake. He’d forgotten to close the curtains during the night, but that was okay. It was still the most rested he’d felt in a long time.

As he settled back into the pillows, opting to try falling back asleep, he heard the door open slowly. Riza peeked inside, her hair piled back up on top of her head, but much neater this time. Her eyes were wide as she searched for them both, expression softening when she and Roy made eye contact.

“Morning,” he whispered, sleep clouding his voice. Clearing his throat, Roy’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Good morning.”

Her voice was bright and cheery. It made him crack his eyes open again to observe her. He hadn’t heard her talk like that in a long time. Getting more sleep last night had been good for her.

The door closed behind Riza quietly and she leaned against the wall beside it to watch Roy wake up. “Did you steal our child away from me?” She was joking, a smile spreading across her face as she crossed her arms, waiting on his answer.

“I did,” Roy admitted, “because you need more sleep.”

“So do you,” she countered lightly. “You’ve been up the same amount as me.”

“Yeah, but you’ve been doing most of the work,” Roy yawned quietly, careful of waking Maes. He’d slept for – Roy craned his neck up to check the clock on the wall – six hours.

“Did he get up again?” Her arms uncrossed as she pushed off the wall and walked towards Maes’ sleep basket.

“No. Six hours,” Roy announced with a chuckle. “That’s some kind of record for him.” Another yawn left Roy as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“I wouldn’t get my hopes up.”

“I’m not, but I can’t help but feel proud of him,” he grinned sleepily.

Riza gazed down at Maes, smiling. When she was looking at him, not much could tear her attention away. Roy could sympathise. Often, when she did stare, Roy would watch her instead. He noted the way her face softened completely with her love. The muscles of her face relaxed and a sigh of content passed over her lips.

The sleepless nights and the fatigue were worth it. It always would be for their children.

“I could stare at him forever,” she murmured quietly, running her fingers gently through Maes hair. It was so long but wispy, holding no real substance to it. Most of the time it stood on end from static, despite their best efforts to smooth it down for the kid. “This was a good idea, though,” Riza nodded towards the bed. For a brief second she wobbled on her legs, catching herself on the edge of the sleep basket.

Roy’s hand extended towards her, palm up, with a silent offering. Riza took it, expecting him to help her stand, but Roy tugged her over to him instead as she laughed quietly. Riza fell into his lap. Her legs hooked over the side of his so her cheek was in front of him. He couldn’t resist placing a kiss upon it.

“How are you feeling?”

“Still tired,” Riza admitted, resting her temple against his forehead gently as they both looked down at Maes. “But, I do feel more rested than I have in weeks.”

“You can go back to bed if you like?”

Her head shook negative. “He’ll want to be fed and Mia –”

“I can keep an eye on them,” Roy interrupted softly. “Go back to bed.”

“I won’t be able to sleep,” she sighed.

“Try it,” he offered casually.

Her head lifted, shooting him a sideways glance. “Is this your plan to get me to rest more?”

“You deserve it,” Roy countered. “You carried Maes for nine months and birthed him. I think it’s time I stepped up to the plate.”

Riza chuckled, patting his cheek. However, her hand lingered, turning his head so they were directly facing one another.

“First you steal my son away from me, and now you’re pushing me away from seeing him?” Her smile was wide, eyes twinkling with amusement and mischief. Oh, how he had missed that look on her. So much.

“Never.” His answer was absolute before he pressed a firm kiss to her lips, looping his arms around her hips to give them a tight squeeze. “I just want you to take care of yourself too,” he reasoned.

“I am,” she assured.

Roy’s eyebrows almost lifted to his hairline, making her huff in mock annoyance.

“It’s not been that bad,” she replied, but grimaced at her poor lie.

“It has been,” Roy corrected.

“Yeah, it has,” she replied glumly. It held a lot more sadness than Roy was expecting, causing concern to flourish slowly inside his heart.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just…” A deep sigh left Riza, her chin dipping as her temple rested back against his forehead once more.

“What?” He squeezed her hips, prompting her to continue.

“I didn’t expect it to be so hard. Mia wasn’t this bad and…” A deep sigh left her. “I guess I feel guilty for thinking about taking a break. They’re my kids and I don’t _want_ to need a break from them.”

“I know.”

“I need sleep. I know I do. But…”

“How about you feed Maes,” Roy offered hesitantly, his brain whirring to try and find a compromise she’d agree to, “while I wake Mia up and get her ready. She’s going to my mother’s today so it will just be the three of us. I can do some bonding with Maes while you go for a nap?”

A tired smile was thrown his way and Roy counted that as a success.

“Thank you,” she breathed. Her eyes closed with relief.

“Anything for you. You know that,” he whispered against her temple, kissing her there. “_And_ anything for them.”

Glancing down, the two parents watched Maes begin to stir.

“He’s so tiny.”

“I know, I can’t believe it,” Riza giggled. “Hard to think Mia was this size too once.”

“That felt like just last year, never mind six years ago.”

Riza nodded, sliding off his lap. She crouched to pick up Maes.

In that moment, Roy had never seen a more endearing sight. Riza pressed her lips to Maes’ forehead. She held him close against her chest, rocking him from side to side.

“What?”

He’d been caught staring, but Roy just grinned. “I’m just thinking about how beautiful you look.”

Riza snorted gently. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

A pleased smile tugged at her lips but Riza fought it. However, it did spread, and she let out a light laugh as she shook her head fondly at him. “You’re biased.”

“Me? Never,” he exclaimed, rising from the bed. Roy’s hand found his son’s head and he pressed a kiss to it. “I’ll hop in the shower then see if Mia is awake.”

“Take your time,” Riza replied distractedly, her full attention back on Maes.

He grinned as he left the room, catching the serenity and love filling her expression as she rocked Maes.

“Morning Daddy,” Mia greeted sleepily.

“Morning, Mia Bear.” Roy perched on the edge of her bed, stooping to press a kiss to her forehead. It made her giggle and squirm away from him. “How do you feel today?”

“A little sleepy but I’m excited!” Her face lit up, her mouth forming a wide smile.

“Yeah? And why is that?” Roy folded down the sheet, giving her a chance to slip out from underneath.

“I get to go and see Grandma today!”

“She’s as excited about it as you are.”

“Really?” Mia latched onto Roy’s hand as they walked towards her wardrobe. It was only five steps or so but she still clung to him.

“She is,” he confirmed. “It’s been a little while since you’ve both gone on a day out together.”

“Yeah… It has.”

Roy was immediately on alert. He picked out the hint of sadness in Mia’s voice and the way she trailed off. He crouched, turning Mia to face him. His eyes narrowed playfully, but his stomach twisted. He’d caught the forlorn look on her face before it turned into a giggle.

“What?” At least her sadness had disappeared, but Roy hadn’t wanted to see it in the first place. He wondered if his suddenly formed hypothesis was correct…

“What was that long face for?” He reached forward and ‘caught’ her nose in between his thumb and forefinger, pretending to wiggle it gently before letting go.

“What long face?” Her reply was so innocent that Roy wondered if he’d imagined it for a second, but there had definitely been something there.

“You sounded and looked sad for a second.”

Mia’s smile fell.

“Is everything all right?”

Mia’s chin tucked into her chest slowly as she looked down at the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Roy prompted her gently as he made himself more comfortable in his crouch. He waited patiently for her answer, giving her all the time she needed.

“It’s nothing. But it has been a little while since we’ve done something cool and fun together.” Her admission was so quiet as she toed at the carpet nervously beneath them.

Mia was feeling left out. The realisation hit Roy like a truck, and he could see why she would feel that way. Maes took all of their attention recently and while they desperately tried to find a balance, it hadn’t been enough. They hadn’t been good enough for her.

His arms opened and Mia stepped into them eagerly. Her small hands clutched at his t-shirt, hanging onto it.

“Mummy and I love you _so_ much, Mia Bear,” Roy promised, giving her a squeeze. “Believe me, we really do. And we’re so sorry you’ve been feeling left out.”

“It’s okay, Daddy.”

_She takes after Riza far too much_.

“No,” Roy shook his head as he pulled away from her, “it’s not. It’s made you sad and that’s not okay. Maes is only little so he needs a lot more attention from us, okay? He’s a fussy baby,” Roy added with a tired smile, “and keeps us up all night.”

“He does?” Mia’s eyes widened in surprise.

“He does. So we’ve been really tired, but that’s not an excuse. We didn’t mean to make you feel left out.”

“I haven’t heard him at night.”

“Good,” Roy commented, ruffling her fringe. “He doesn’t need to keep you up too.”

Face screwing up in irritation, Mia reached up with two hands to smooth out her fringe while Roy just laughed at her reaction.

“It might take a little while for everything to go back to the way it was before Maes was born, but it will, I promise. He’ll get older and things will get easier. You’ve been a very big girl throughout it all though.” She had. This was the first time he was hearing of any jealousy or her feeling left out compared to her sibling. “And we’re so proud of you. If you feel that way again, can you please tell me or Mummy?”

“I will,” Mia nodded confidently. Her arms were thrown around his neck tightly, almost knocking him over with the force of it. “Thank you, Dad.”

“Any time, Mia Bear. And thank you for being so understanding.”

“Anything for my baby brother,” she grinned happily.

She skipped up to her wardrobe doors, pulling them open wide while Roy rose from his crouch. He felt so proud of how understanding and caring she was, however, they needed to do better by her too.

He’d call his mother while Mia was eating breakfast and ask Chris to spoil his little girl today. Not that that wouldn’t happen already, though, but he’d ask Chris to take her to the toy shop to buy whatever she wanted on him.


	35. i'm yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy the chapter <3
> 
> song for this chapter: the script – i’m yours

**1914**

** _and though my edges may be rough_ **

** _i never feel i'm quite enough_ **

** _it may not seem like very much_ **

** _but i'm yours_ ** ** **

Roy’s home office was quiet. Riza poked her head in after putting Mia to bed to ask if he needed anything while he worked. Currently Roy was sitting in his chair, both hands clenched into fists and resting upon his cheeks. A blank stare looked up the paper in front of him while his hair stood up on end in places. One strand pointed outwards, straight towards Riza, like a long finger beckoning her into the room. Given his current state of appearance, she would have entered regardless.

It was the last week of the year. A new one would begin with the next and while it was normally a joyous celebration in their household, Riza felt nothing but foreboding.

The homunculus’ plan would be set in motion in the new year. Roy knew that much but didn’t have a definite date. The thought twisted Riza’s stomach violently, making her fear for her children’s future.

“It’s coming soon, isn’t it?”

Snapping from whatever had clouded his thoughts, Roy’s head jerked upwards. He blinked at her, looking worse for wear. “What?” His throat was cleared as he recovered from being a million miles away. The papers on his desk were slowly sorted and shuffled into piles.

Riza entered the room and walked around his desk. “Whatever you’re planning for, it’s coming soon.”

“It is.” His shoulders slumped even more, rounding forwards.

Riza perched on the edge of his desk and crossed her arms over her chest as she studied him closely. Her eyes narrowed to scrutinise his appearance while he was distracted. 

His counterattack was clearly taking its toll. Everything was weighing him down and it was beginning to show. His shoulders drooped. There were dark circles underneath his eyes, leaving them look bruised. Even his hair hung limp over his eyes - the result of him running his hands through it so often.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

A tired, but appreciative, smile was shot her way. “I wish there was but… It all depends on the answers I get back from others. Right now it’s just a waiting game until I’m essentially summoned by the homunculi,” he scoffed lightly.

Roy tipped backwards in his chair. His face lifted towards the ceiling while his hands rubbed at tired eyes. Riza felt a wave of sympathy wash over her.

“Any news on the others?”

“Increased strength from our enemies in the south,” Roy swallowed. “Fuery was sent right into the middle of it.”

Riza reached forward and squeezed his shoulder in comfort. She hated hearing how hoarse his voice sounded.

“Havoc’s fine but he’s feeling frustrated,” Roy continued, making an already neat pile of paper even neater. He just needed something to distract his hands with. “He’s stuck in a position he shouldn’t even be in. Breda’s gone dark. I don’t know where or how he is.”

“Breda will be okay,” Riza reassured with confidence. “He’s one of the most resourceful men I’ve ever met. There will be a good reason for him going quiet, I’m sure.”

Roy nodded weakly. “Falman reported from the north. The Elric brothers came and went. It… wasn’t without incident,” he added carefully, with a frown.

Riza shook her head fondly but still felt worry coil around her ribs. Judging from stories about their previous adventures, it rarely was a peaceful encounter with them. She just hoped they were all right.

“But they’ve been split up.” Roy bit his lip worriedly. “We lost contact after that.”

“You need sleep,” Riza murmured, running a hand through his hair.

“How can I sleep when everything is like this?”

“How can you expect to fight it all when you’re extremely sleep deprived,” she countered.

Maes’ night habits had eased as time progressed. They were both getting more sleep. He had the odd day where it was a struggle, but nothing compared to his first few weeks after birth. That was a nightmare that passed by in such a blur Riza barely remembered it. However, they still had some catching up to do. Looking after him and Mia was difficult to juggle, especially with Roy working so much. They’d still to find a routine that worked and were slowly easing into something that was relatively manageable.

Roy muttered something quietly underneath his breath.

“It’s because you know I’m right.” Riza nudged his shoulder affectionately with a closed fist.

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled.

“Is there anything I can help with tonight, if you’re not going to come to bed? Anything I can get you?”

“I don’t know,” was his honest reply. If anything, it made him sound even more tired. “I just…” His hands found his hair, gripping onto the strands tightly in frustration. “I need action,” he mumbled.

“There’s nothing you can do this late at night, Roy.”

“There is. There’s plenty I can be doing, but I’m _stuck_ here.”

Her hands folded together to rest atop her thighs. “Bradley has a tight leash on you still?”

Roy nodded. “I’m not to leave the city. Otherwise…” His expression turned stricken, quickly glancing up at her.

“I understand.”

“I _hate_ it.”

“I do too. Especially when it’s upsetting you… But, you can’t be the hero all the time, Roy. Give yourself a little break, because you really need it. The Elric brothers will be okay. They have allies throughout the country. They’re not short on people who will help them if they need it.”

“Yes, but –” He sighed heavily.

“But it’s not you?” Riza guessed, and she was right.

Roy nodded minutely.

“You sound like their father.”

Roy scoffed once, twice, then snapped his mouth shut without a reply.

Riza grinned at him.

“I keep replaying the same thing over and over in my head, the more I look at this…”

Glancing over her shoulder at his desk, Riza saw the mess of notes still spread over the surface. A drawing of the ouroboros tattoo caught her eye, followed by a map of the country, covered in scribbles and notes. A map of Central was there too, the same one she’d seen at the hospital when Roy and Havoc were there. It had all the labs circled on it, the ink slightly smudged and the paper crumpled at the edges.

“What’s on your mind?”

His spine straightened as he took a deep breath. It was held in his lungs for a beat, before rushing outwards with his speech. “Hughes.”

Momentarily thrown, her eyes wandered off to the side, no longer focussing on his work.

“When it comes down to it, I’m going to have to ask them,” he admitted.

“Ask what?” Her head slowly turned to face him. Riza’s stomach dropped as she watched his jaw set in determination.

“Ask if they killed Hughes.”

“You’re going to do it outright?” Riza swallowed past the lump in her throat. “That’s –”

“It’s the only way I’ll get a straight answer,” he replied firmly.

“Roy…”

“I have to ask. I have to _know_. I can’t stand back and do nothing about it.”

Riza balked at his forceful tone and the action caught his eye.

“What?”

“I just - Roy we talked about this,” she replied. She was almost pleading with him.

“I know, but I still have to ask them, Riza. When it all boils down to it I have to find out. The military has already buried the truth but I won’t let that happen to Hughes. He _will_ have justice.”

She felt like rubbing her temples but stopped herself. Riza’s head tipped down to look at her joined hands. She squeezed them tightly as she tried to keep a hold on all the emotions roiling inside of her.

They killed for Hughes for pushing too hard. They’d do the same to Roy eventually, even if he was important to them. Or do it to her. He had to play by their rules and keep the peace. If he didn’t, then…

“I can’t stop you from asking.” She tried to make her voice strong and even but it shook slightly. “I don’t want you to but I can’t stop you.”

Riza stood from leaning against his desk and walked towards the door. She needed some air. Desperately. The anxiety and fear that was creeping over her was getting worse. It was like her chest was being squeezed inside a vice.

“They can’t get away with what they did –”

Roy was indignant as he called after her but they’d already gone through all of this. Riza felt something begin to break inside of her chest as she clenched her fists by her side. Her nails dug into her palms painfully, but she barely noticed as she retreated from him.

“We’re not arguing about this again,” she nearly growled. The control was slipping the more the vice squeezed on her chest. It almost felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Arguing,” Roy echoed. “Who said there was anything to argue about?”

“We’ve been through this Roy and I’m not doing it again,” Riza snapped, spinning around to face him. One finger lifted to point at Roy’s chest. “I’m not going through all of that after it was put to bed already. You’re not getting revenge,” she stated simply.

Roy’s eyes narrowed slightly at her, tightening around the edges. Before, it may have made Riza pause, but now she felt no hesitation. Because this wasn’t just anger at the injustice Maes and his family suffered. It was hatred too. Riza could see it clearly in his eyes. It was directed towards those who had murdered his friend. She wouldn’t let him give in to it.

“_Riza_ –” He was almost seething but Riza would not let that talk or that behaviour fly now.

“_Stop it_,” she growled.

Riza stormed out of his office. She was getting worked up and needed to remove herself from the situation.

He _couldn’t_ give in to that hatred.

In her mind’s eye Riza pictured their children. Their perfect, innocent faces smiling happily. Their expressions twisted in horror when they were told about what their father had done in memory of their beloved Uncle Maes. If she brought them up now, would they be enough for Roy to see sense?

“You can’t tell me not to do anything. I have to _know_.”

“That’s fine,” she relented. “But exacting justice, Roy? By your own hand? We’ve been through this –”

“And are you going to stop me? Would you stop me tonight if I left to do it?”

It was a challenge but it still pissed her off. She wouldn’t back down from it either. Instead she glared at him after he asked the question.

“You can fucking bet I would stop you,” she hissed. “You are _not_ to get _revenge_ for Hughes’ murder,” she forced out. “You can ask them, sure, but I will _not_ let you take the matter into your own hands and perform your own punishment. That’s not who you are and you’re better than that.” Riza shook her head. “The man that would do that is not my husband.”

“Mummy?”

Mia’s voice sounded from behind them. She was impossibly quiet and sounded extremely upset.

Riza whirled around and saw Mia standing on the second step. Her hand gripped the banister in a white knuckled grip. Her eyes were wide with tears pooling in them as they switched between Riza and Roy.

“Daddy?”

Riza shot him a warning glance, telling him to shut up, but also telling him that their conversation wasn’t over. She noted Roy’s stricken face. However there was still an ember of his plight present in his eyes. Riza would be more than happy to continue this later but only once Mia was asleep and they were both calmer.

“Mia? What are you doing up?” Riza’s voice was soft as she approached their daughter. Crouching before her, Riza became eye-level with Mia and readjusted her pyjama top. One shoulder had slipped over to one side haphazardly.

“I…” She bit her lip, casting her gaze to the side worriedly. “I heard you both shouting.”

Riza’s gut twisted painfully. Her breath caught in her throat as she sucked it in.

“I didn’t like it.”

Guilt flooded Riza. Regardless of the topic of conversation, they should have been quieter. “Sorry, Mia Bear. Dad and I were just having a discussion.” Riza ran her hand over Mia’s hair and cupped her cheek to try and soothe her.

“You were very loud.”

Riza hugged her daughter, placing a hand on the back of her head so it rested against Riza’s shoulder. “Sorry. We didn’t mean to be.”

“Will Daddy really leave tonight?” Her head cocked to the side before looking over Riza’s shoulder at Roy. “It’s really late. And what does revenge mean?”

Mia didn’t know the meaning of the word. There was no way she should either. She was too young. It would only upset her if it was explained.

Riza prided herself on always telling her daughter the truth and explaining things as best as she was able, but this was not one of those times. It would only upset her. Plus, Riza would never let Roy stoop so low to that anyway.

“No,” Riza reassured, pulling away and cupping her daughter’s face gently in both hands. “He’s not going anywhere tonight.”

“What does that word mean?”

She was far too inquisitive for her own good. Once again, Riza brushed it aside. It pained her to do so because her father did that with her mother’s condition and ultimately, her death. She’d sworn she’d never do it to a child of her own if that ever came to pass, but she had no time at the moment to describe the intricacies of the word and what that meant her father might possibly do if pushed hard enough.

She and Roy needed to talk. Badly.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow, okay?” Riza smoothed her daughter’s unruly hair down. Despite her fringe being styled like Riza’s and her hair falling below her shoulders, it reminded Riza so much of Roy’s hair. It still had a mind of its own and didn’t obey any laws of physics or hairspray.

Mia yawned. “Okay,” she mumbled, appeased for the moment.

Riza hoped that by the morning, she’d forgotten about her mother’s promise.

“Up to bed with you now, okay?” Riza smiled at Mia. “I’ll come and tuck you in.”

Mia looked over at Roy. Without warning, she hopped down the last two steps and rushed over to her father. He’d been staring straight ahead, stricken, but Roy jumped in fright when Mia’s arms slung around his torso. He looked down at her face. One cheek was pressed into his stomach as she squeezed her eyes closed tightly in her hug. Riza watched with a pained chest as Mia’s hands fisted in his t-shirt.

“I love you, Daddy,” Mia whispered into his stomach, giving him an even tighter squeeze.

“Time for bed, Mia,” Riza called gently, her voice hoarse.

Mia nodded and smiled up at her father. A wobbly smile overtook his face and he nodded.

“Love you too, Mia,” Roy whispered. It was as quiet as a breath. “So much.”

“Come on, Mia.” Riza extended her hand for her daughter to take.

“Will Dad be okay?” Mia bit her lip worriedly, looking over her shoulder at him.

“He’ll be fine.” Riza shot him a look, noticing him swallow thickly as he stared after them both. She couldn’t be sure from the distance between them, but it looked like that ember in his eyes had fizzled out. “I’ll talk to him when I come back down.”

“Okay,” Mia whispered.

Their daughter walked ahead, up the stairs and out of sight.

“Think about one thing,” Riza stated quietly. “If you do go ahead with your own brand of justice, is that the father you want to be?” Her voice was flat as she asked her question. “Is that the home you want to build with actions like that?”

Roy had been staring after Mia, and finally, his eyes settled on her. A breath was sucked into his chest, the movement shaky as his chest heaved loudly.

They would talk but Mia was more important at the moment.

Turning away from him, not bothering to wait on an answer, Riza walked up the stairs to their daughter’s room. She ignored how heavy her footsteps were. It matched the heavy weight in her heart. As she ascended, she just prayed she wouldn’t hear their front door close. Her breath had been held as she climbed slowly. The exhale was quiet, but she heard no sound from the floor below. No door slammed and no floorboards creaked with movement.

_Mia first_.

“Sleep well, Mia.” Riza tucked her daughter into bed tightly and bent forward, pressing a kiss to her nose. Mia giggled and sighed happily.

“Night, Mum,” she mumbled tiredly.

The house was silent when Riza descended back down the stairs. She had hoped and prayed Roy wouldn’t leave tonight, but as she searched their house and he was nowhere to be found. Tears flooded her vision. Blinking them away, Riza’s footsteps were heavy once more as she made her way to bed.

_She hadn’t been able to get through to him. Again._

However, Riza’s thought was banished from her head when she passed by Maes’ room. The door was cracked open which made her panic slightly. She’d left it wide open so she’d be able to hear him through the night if he woke.

Roy was bouncing Maes in the centre of the room. He was fussing quietly, one fist flailing above his head as Roy tried to settle him. His back was to the door as he stared down at their son. Riza heard a sniff and her heart broke.

“I’m sorry, Maes,” Roy whispered against their son’s head. He moved to kiss his forehead. “I’ve hurt her again. I let my emotions run away with me and…” Roy sighed and Riza heard his breathing hitch. “And I would’ve hurt you and your sister too if I’d gone through with everything. I would have been a big disappointment. You’d have thought me a monster,” he gasped quietly. “I’m _so_ _sorry_.”

Fresh tears appeared in Riza’s eyes. She backed away from the door to give Roy some time alone to process and deal with everything. Despite feeling exhausted after their discussion, a tiny sliver of hope coiled its way around Riza’s ribs. They still needed to talk but witnessing that scene was a promising start.

Once in bed, Riza pulled the sheet up and underneath her chin. She curled into a ball, back to the door, as she waited for Roy to come to bed. Fatigue was threatening to pull her under. Riza fought it as best she could but eventually it tugged hard enough.

She was dozing when Roy slipped into the bed. Disorientated, her body jerked as she was pulled roughly from the half-asleep state she’d been fallen into. Settling down, Riza’s eyes blinked open and she grew still, listening to his movements. From what she could tell, he was on his back.

Roy sighed, a long drawn out sound, then scoffed in disgust. Riza felt the bed dip as he rolled towards her. She held her breath. Her shoulder tingled in anticipation when she saw the shadow of his hand hovering over it, but ultimately he pulled away before he could touch her.

“Are you awake?” His whisper broke through the loud silence of the room.

Riza nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, sounding defeated and miserable.

“I thought you might really leave,” Riza admitted.

“I did it once.” She heard him swallow, then pull away from her completely. Her back felt cold now that his presence was no longer there. “I won’t make that same mistake twice.”

She rolled over to face him. “You’re willing to talk about this?” Riza searched his gaze, almost begging him to reconsider dealing with the whole thing by himself.

Roy nodded, staring up at the ceiling. Both hands scrubbed at his face before falling back to his sides, his limbs heavy. “Of course. But… I’ve made my decision.”

Riza stiffened and Roy noticed. He turned his head to finally face her.

“I’m staying,” he reassured. “And… And seeing your face, that look on it, and hearing Mia’s scared voice…” Roy swallowed, glancing away, unable to look at her. “I took one look at little Maes and… Everything just fell away.”

“Because big Maes wouldn’t want you to do it either,” Riza whispered.

“Big Maes?” Roy barked a laugh, filling the quiet room with his sudden amusement.

Riza smiled wryly. “I thought that might make you laugh.”

“It did. Big Maes and Little Maes…” Roy shook his head fondly. His amusement flickered out, replaced by quiet contemplation. “The perfect combo,” he smiled sadly. “I thought it might be too strange naming him after Hughes.” Roy swallowed. “Just one look at him and it’s like he’s really here,” he admitted.

Riza reached over to make first contact, brushing his fringe away from his forehead. Her thumb swiped over the skin underneath once to comfort him. 

“I don’t think of him as Hughes, obviously,” Roy reassured, “but… It’s like a connection to him.” He turned his head to look at her. “Does that make sense?”

She nodded. “It does. I’m glad we got through to you. Maes always could talk you down so easily.”

“You do it so much better, though,” Roy sighed, rolling and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. He shifted over, moving so she was flush against his bare chest.

“Really?”

“You think you don’t?” His hold on her tightened.

“There was a time when I did –”

“When?” He pulled away to look down at her with such concern on his face.

Riza shook her head. “It doesn’t matter –”

“It does. When?”

“When you first came back from Ishval. You were struggling a lot and I felt I couldn’t get through to you.” Her admission was quiet as she whispered it against his skin. “And then after Maes died. I… Well, I thought I was going to lose you to your grief and anger and didn’t know what to do.”

Fingers were placed gently against her chin. Roy tilted her head up slowly, tenderly, so she was finally looking right at him, however there was a fierce fire in his eyes.

“You were _always_ the best at it,” he promised. “One thought of you and it kept me grounded. I think of our family and realise that you’re my top priority, despite my duty. You always were.”

“It’s been hard to juggle for you.”

“It has.”

His eyes stared into hers and Riza found herself pinned by his gaze but didn’t mind it one bit. She never had. Those dark depths were a comfort.

“That’s what happened tonight. It’s still raw and I let my emotions and frustration and fatigue get the better of me.”

“That’s why you need more sleep,” she added, teasing him lightly to try and lighten the mood.

Roy chuckled. “You’re very right about that one.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You always are.”

He turned quiet and Riza was content just to hold him. She was giving him all the time he needed to voice what he needed to say.

“If I lost myself to all of this…” His eyes closed and shame overtook his features. “That’s not the husband or father I want to be. I don’t want to be a monster again.” His voice grew hoarse, causing Roy to clear his throat. “I don’t want my kids to think of or remember me like that.”

“Only you can make that choice.”

“I know,” Roy nodded, “and I choose you. I choose all three of you. There’s no contest and never has been. It’s the easiest decision to make, like breathing.”

Riza angled her head and pressed her lips against his.

“I’m sorry for hurting you again,” he whispered huskily against her lips. His breath mingled with hers, warming the skin of her face in the same way his love and her relief was washing through her body.

“Thank you for coming back to me.” Silently, she wrapped her arms around his torso and cuddled into him.

“I always will, Riza.” His breath tousled her hair gently, tickling her. “You always bring me back.”

“I understand this is important to you,” she added, “it’s important to me too. I want to find out what really happened to Maes too and see the culprit be brought to justice but there’s other ways to do it.”

“I know,” he replied solemnly.

“I know how angry and frustrated you are about everything… Promise me one thing?”

“What?” He lifted his eyebrows in anticipation.

“Just… Think of them when it all boils down to it. Think about what you told me about not wanting to become a monster for our kids.” Riza’s voice almost shook with emotion as she spoke. “You tasked me with keeping you on the right path, and I’m trying, but when you fight back like that it makes it impossible.”

“My anger blinded me. I’m so sorry. It’s not an excuse, I know, but it did.” Shame coloured his tone.

“You saw sense, though,” Riza soothed him as she caressed his cheek gently. “And that’s what matters. When the time comes, think of Mia and Maes and your role in their life. Think of what you want them to see you as. Please.”

“And you too,” Roy insisted, his voice turning husky. His grip on her adjusted, holding her tighter against his body.

His inclusion of her made a tiny smile appear on her lips. She pressed a kiss to the column of his neck, seeing his Adam’s apple bob.

“And me too. Don’t let that hatred fool you, push you into something you don’t want to be. Not only for our sake, but for your own, and for Hughes’ memory. He wouldn’t want to see you turn into someone like that either on his behalf.”

“Always, Riza,” he breathed, sealing his promise. “Always, for you three.”


	36. time to say goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new chapter just before christmas! my present to myself is to take a break because i've been writing pretty much non stop since the start of november and i'm exhausted :;) knowing me tho i'll probably try and get the next chapter finished for next week but we shall see. maybe i can actually give myself enough rest this time round... 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy the chapter <3 thanks again for all your support this year and for this silly little story of mine. love you all. merry christmas and happy holidays! if i don't see you beforehand all the best to you when 2021 comes!
> 
> song for this chapter: lauren aquilina – time to say goodbye

## 1915

** _building bridges over land and sea_ **

** _shine a blinding light for you and me_ **

** _to see, for us to be_ **

“Mia, come on!”

Riza’s cry carried up the stairs to Mia’s bedroom. She’d go up there and hurry the girl along herself but Maes was already strapped into his pram and she couldn’t bring herself to leave him alone. Happily, he gurgled and played with his teething toy, oblivious to his mother’s antsy behaviour.

“Mia!”

“Coming,” she cheerily replied, no sense of urgency in her tone or gait whatsoever as she hopped down each stair individually.

“Come on, slowcoach,” Riza rushed, shooing her daughter out the door and passed single suitcase she’d packed for her children. “Aunt Vanessa is waiting on you at the station already and we’re late.”

That fact alone was enough to turn Riza restless. The last-minute change of destination was also grating on her, sparking anxiety in her stomach and worry in her heart.

“Sorry but I couldn’t find Mr. Brown,” she replied, hugging her bear tight to her chest.

“That’s okay, but now we need to walk quickly, all right?”

“Okay, Mummy!”

Marching on ahead, Mia’s rucksack slapped gently against her back as she skipped along the pavement.

Riza extended the handle of their suitcase and started to pull it along behind her as she pushed the pram with one hand. It wasn’t ideal but it would have to be.

Mia and Maes were going to Xing with Vanessa. Mia thought her aunt and grandmother were taking them on holiday, but in reality it was all a ploy to protect them and get them out of Central. Just in case.

Whatever was being planned by the homunculi it was on a grand scale. Roy was fairly certain it would not affect civilians in the slightest, however his counterattack would send Central into disarray in order to throw Bradley off the top. It wouldn’t be safe for them. And if it wasn’t safe for them, it wasn’t for anyone… Any number of things could happen on this ‘Promised Day’ Roy kept talking about, and it just made Riza’s anxiety worse.

She may lose him. He was staging a coup. It could succeed but it could also fail. He’d ran through it with her and from Riza’s end it sounded strong and fool proof but… Any number of things could happen. Riza tried not to think about it, but at the same time she couldn’t help herself.

Vanessa was initially going to take just Mia with her, then a heatwave had been recorded in the desert and it was determined it would be too much for Mia to handle. With the train tracks to Xing being buried underneath sand there was no other option than for them to find somewhere else to go.

Riza didn’t care, so long as Mia out of the way of potential harm. It had broken Riza’s heart to keep Maes at home with her but there was no way she could send her toddler through the desert.

Once everything was settled and it was decided they’d head up north instead, so Mia could see and play in the snow, news came that there had been a border skirmish with Drachma and the country was on high alert because of it.

A third and final plan was made in the last week. It would take both her children to Xing with Chris and the rest of their aunts. It was announced the tracks had been cleared and the trains were running smoothly, so, after essentially experiencing whiplash of emotions and changing plans, Riza wanted them on a train and heading out as soon as possible.

It was all for their safety, she reassured herself, but it still hurt at the thought of saying goodbye.

“Be good for Grandma and Aunt Vanessa, okay?”

Patting down Mia’s jacket, Riza smoothed her hands over it, ironing out invisible kinks while Vanessa looked on with sympathy.

“I will Mum!” Mia’s beaming smile was committed to Riza’s memory.

Her eyes lit up suddenly as her attention was diverted and drawn elsewhere, over her mother’s shoulder. Riza lifted an eyebrow at Mia’s sudden elation.

“Dad!” Mia almost screamed.

He was jogging up to the platform and looking like he’d run all the way from Central Command.

“I made it,” he panted, pressing a hand to his chest as he tried to catch his breath.

Mia ran around her mother, leaping into his waiting arms. Roy’s smile was broad as he spun her in place over his head, laughing with joy.

“You too, baby Maes.”

Riza pulled the toy away from his face to get a better look at it. His frown was committed to memory as well, a choked laugh leaving her. Every time someone tried to stop him playing with a toy, that little frown appeared. Aside from that, he was the happiest baby in the world. He barely cried and was so mellow. He took after his sister that way.

She would miss them both so much.

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Riza bent down to place a kiss on his forehead. Maes blinked up at her, breaking out into a massive grin. His arms reached out, asking excitedly to be picked up, and it almost caused Riza’s heart to break.

“I can’t just now, Maes,” she explained quietly. She quickly cleared her throat. “You’re going on holiday with Aunt Vanessa –”

“Riza, please,” Vanessa begged, interrupting her. She had tears in her eyes. “Pick him up and give him a cuddle.”

Nodding, Riza took a deep breath and unstrapped her son. He giggled and closed his eyes, burrowing his face happily into the crook of her neck. A tear did threaten to drop down Riza’s cheek then. Eyes squeezed tightly closed, she forced herself to hold it together when she heard Roy and Mia’s excited laughter behind her back.

“I love you, Maes. _So_ much. And I can’t wait to see you again.”

Maes pulled away, pressing a hand to Riza’s cheek. It was enough to make her freeze in place while he broke out into another grin and nuzzled his head against her neck one more time.

Riza gave him a squeeze, feeling her knees shake. She locked them tightly, squeezing everything tight to keep herself from breaking down in front of everyone.

She didn’t want to say goodbye to her kids.

Roy’s hand appeared suddenly on her shoulder. He gave it a quick squeeze as his thumb caressed it gently. Riza let out a breath and turned to face him, feeling steadier and calmer with him next to her. She wasn’t alone in all of this.

“My turn,” he announced cheerily, reaching out for Maes. But Riza could hear the strain in his voice.

“Come here, Mia,” Riza smiled, beckoning her daughter forward. “I’ll miss you so much. Be good and look after your little brother for me,” she grinned, forcing out the smile.

“I will!”

“I’ll call you every day after you’ve arrived. Try not to have too much fun that you forget all about your old Mum and Dad,” Riza quipped, pinching Mia’s nose playfully.

“I could never forget you, Mum,” Mia replied fiercely, crushing her mother into a hug.

“Thank you, my Mia Bear. I will never forget you either. I love you.”

“Love you too.” Her hand had clung to the skin at the back of Riza’s neck. She felt the pressure increase, the tips of Mia’s fingers clinging onto her.

“Make sure you have fun, all right?” Riza pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead. “I expect to see lots of pictures when you come back.”

“Oh, and I’ll bring you back a present!”

Riza’s heart melted. “You don’t have to.”

“But I want to!”

“Okay, okay,” Riza eased off, raising her hand in surrender. “Well then…” Riza tightened her jacket over her shoulders after her farewell with her father left it off centre. The straps of Mia’s rucksack were adjusted too and Riza patted them once. “I can’t wait to see what you bring back.”

Vanessa wheeled the pram onto the train, Mia following closely behind. Once inside, both parents watched as they walked through the carriage to their designated booth. Mia clambered up onto the bench. With knees resting on the wood, her smile was large as she waved at them both in farewell. She and Roy mirrored her daughter.

Only when the train was out of sight did Riza’s hand lower slowly to hang limp by her side. The same happened to her smile.

“You okay?”

Riza nodded, feeling numb. The distance between them was already leaving her breathless.

“As well as I can be, I suppose.”

Both of Roy’s hands lifted to her shoulders as he stood behind her, watching in the direction the train had sped off in.

“It’s for their own safety.” His voice was low and sombre.

“I know,” she sighed. “That’s what’s most important to me. To us.”

“I can’t help but feel that it’s because of me, though.”

Riza shook her head, finally turning away from the tracks. She gave him a smile, trying to ease the guilt and unease of his face.

“Regardless of your plans, I would want them out of the way for whatever they’re thinking of doing. No,” Riza added with confidence, turning back to look after the train, “this was the best decision we could have made.”

“I love you,” he whispered into her hair.

She turned further into his embrace, looping her arms loosely around his waist. Head bent; Roy tucked her underneath his chin.

“I miss them already,” she mumbled.

“Me too. It will be so strange not having them around the house. Think of all the sleep we can get!”

Riza snorted a laugh, appreciating his attempt to lighten the mood. “We can catch up on so much.”

“Sounds perfect,” he quipped as he gave her a squeeze. His tone was full of sorrow as he spoke, mirroring Riza’s feelings.

It was anything but perfect. They would both miss them, but they’d get through it. It may have been an excessive plan, but as Roy said to her once, years ago, with her family on the line, she was very paranoid about their safety.

* * *

Riza entered their silent home feeling the weight of her children’s absence. Hayate bounded to greet her, and was happy to do so, but he still sniffed around her legs and whined, looking at the door for his best friend.

“They’re away,” Riza explained to him, shrugging out of her jacket.

Like he was with Mia, Hayate was very protective of Maes. When sitting together in the evening Hayate would sit in front of whoever was holding Maes. It was as if he was guarding their youngest, taking the occasional sniff before settling. When Mia called he was happy to answer but not without one last glance and a quiet whine in Maes’ direction.

He was the best dog in the world, Riza was sure of it. No other dog could or ever would compare to him.

The silence of the house was oppressive, almost closing in on her. Sitting on the couch, finally still and alone with her thoughts, Riza’s shoulders slumped. The feeling of loneliness was the worst thing. It reminded her of a time when she was in her father’s home, working hard and keeping to herself. When she was truly alone as a child. Even with just Maes at home, Riza had him to look after. Every so often a disgruntled noise would leave him as he played with his feet on his playmat or he’d let out a tiny sigh. Riza listened out for those moments the most, feeling pure and unadulterated joy every time she heard it. Now, there was nothing. Longing crept into her heart, wrapping around it almost painfully.

She missed her children terribly and it had only been an hour or so.

Hayate padded over. He’d been hanging around the door, waiting to see if anyone else would walk through it, and Riza had left him to it. She knew no amount of coaxing would tear him away as he waited.

Hayate’s head cocked after he sat down at Riza’s feet, staring up at her. His tongue lolled out the side of his mouth and he smiled widely up at her, panting happily.

Riza’s smile never made it to her eyes, but she did try.

Hayate noticed. His tongue disappeared and he whined quietly. A wet tongue licked at the fingers resting upon her knee.

“Hey, boy,” Riza murmured.

He was scratched behind his ear with Riza running her hand vigorously over his head.

“Looks like it’s just me and you, for now.”

Hayate cocked his head once more before lifting his paws up onto her knees, smiling widely at her. Riza had no choice but to lean forward and hug him tightly.

“You’re the best dog,” she whispered into his fur, pressing a kiss against it.

The radio was switched on to a random channel in an effort to fill the silence. Hayate trotted around the house after her like a shadow, not leaving her side once.

* * *

“Hello, Riza,” Chris greeted through the phone. “Did the kids get away all right this morning?”

“They did, yes.” Pain gripped her heart at the reminder of their goodbye.

“I just wanted to call and check in on you.”

“Me?” That surprised her.

“Yeah. It especially couldn’t have been easy to say goodbye to the little one so soon.”

Under normal circumstances, possible threat aside, Riza agreed.

“So, I just wanted to see how you were doing,” Chris continued.

“I’m fine,” Riza reassured. “Missing them, but fine. I don’t know what to do with my time now though. I’ve never had this much free time before.”

Even as a child her hours were filled with looking after the upkeep of her father’s house, repairing things here and there, while also travelling into town to procure enough food to feed three mouths. Any meat was gained by hunting in the forests and all the extra parts of the animal she didn’t need were sold on at the market in town. Anything to bring in some extra income for their family, because God knows her father certainly didn’t. His focus was alchemy only, not on what he would eat or that the house was literally falling apart at the seams. When Roy had come along her workload had cut in half as they used alchemy to patch it up.

“I wish I could keep you busy with some errands, but everything is done.”

A sense of sorrow washed over Riza. Part of Roy’s plan was to blow up Chris’ bar so they could both escape into the sewers. It had become like a second home to Riza and she would be sad to see it go. It held a familiarity to it, somewhere she could go in her hour of need and somewhere she’d found nothing but love and acceptance.

“I understand. Don’t worry about me,” Riza reassured, “I’ll find something. When are you making a trip of your own?”

“Soon.”

Chris was travelling by train to Xing on the eve of the Promised Day.

“It’s long overdue,” she added, “I need a holiday.”

“The kids will be happy to see you. Mia couldn’t wait for you to arrive.”

Chris paused on the other side of the line. Riza heard her soft exhale. “Want me to pass anything on?”

Riza wished there were something more she could send to her children through their grandmother, but there was nothing. “Just tell them I love them. And I miss them.”

“I will, Riza. Don’t you worry about that.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll take good care of them. I expect great things from Roy, but I won’t forget your part in it all either,” she added. “Keep him right for me.”

“I will,” Riza promised.

“You ground him. I can see that clearly. I don’t think you’ll have any problem with it but this whole Hughes situation…”

Riza’s chest tightened at the memory of the last time it was brought up.

“He’s an emotional kid. Smart as hell and can pluck a sound strategy out of thin air but when it comes to those he loves, he’s emotional.”

“I know.”

Chris scoffed. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. You obviously already know.”

She was worried about him. It was plain as day. Although quite sharp with Roy and not the most maternal person in the world, she cared deeply for her son and loved him a lot.

“I’ll look after him, Chris. I promise.” Riza masked the sound of her knowing tone behind her vow.

There was a beat of silence before Chris spoke. “Thanks, Riza.”

* * *

“It’s far too quiet without them,” Roy muttered, chewing his food thoughtfully as he stared down at the tablecloth.

Like her, he was missing the usual hustle and bustle of their dinner table. Mia would be chatting animatedly about anything she could think of, filling the room with laughter and noise. Riza would sit feeding Maes with a bottle while her food kept warm in the oven. Roy would eat, his replies overexaggerated and excited as he encouraged Mia to share everything about her day. Once Maes was fed, Riza would pass their son over to Roy once he’d finished eating, and he’d entertain him while Riza ate her own dinner.

“How do you think I feel all day?” Riza smirked at him, spooning more gravy onto her plate.

“You’re right,” he sighed. “Well, at least Hayate is still here.” Peering around the table, Roy looked over at their dog who was eating his own dinner off to the side. “So that’s something.”

“Very true. If he weren’t, I don’t know what I’d do. Probably go stir crazy in the silence.”

Roy’s gaze flicked back over to look at her. “Does it remind you of… being at home with your father?”

“It does,” she replied, picking up her knife and fork. “It’s a weird feeling,” she frowned.

“Does it bother you?”

She thought over his question. “It did a little at first,” she admitted. “I feel guilty sometimes though for saying I enjoy the quiet,” she snorted softly. “I can hear myself think. But…”

Riza sighed. Her hands stilled and the eating utensils came to rest on her plate.

“It did bother me. It was too quiet and too lonely. But then I remember how far we’ve come.” Her hands started to move, cutting into her steak. “And I remember that we’re fighting for their future. It’s worth going through this now for that and for them.”

Roy nodded, head bobbing as he stared thoughtfully at his food in silence.

The mood of their house was a quiet but solemn one that night. The Promised Day was tomorrow, setting Riza on edge. Roy was leaving late that evening to head to Chris’ to begin to slowly set his plan into motion. Thoughts of doom and gloom has surrounded her all week but Riza banished them that night.

Roy had been stressed out of his mind in the evenings, finalising plans and coordinating his attack. He’d silently and obsessively poured over maps and notes in his office, so Riza had entered quietly and rubbed at his tense shoulders without a word. She wasn’t there to disturb and interrupt, just there to try and offer some comfort and relaxation.

He’d always told her he grounded her, so she’d tried her best to do just that. She was the calm before the storm for him, cool and collected, while she hid her inner turmoil deep within her. He didn’t need her hovering over him, worrying about his mental state despite it being a real concern for her after that week.

Although, his hands had pulled at her shirt most nights, tugging it from the waistband of her skirt. Hands ran up her sides feverishly, gripping tightly and running over her skin smoothly. They’d fallen into bed together more than once, both desperate for a connection to one another. He’d assured her he’d be all right as they cuddled in bed at night, pressing a placating and loving kiss into her hair. It didn’t soothe her anxiety and fears, but she still appreciated and loved him for his effort.

Riza carried the dishes from their dinner through to the kitchen while Roy wiped down the table. Once in they were in the sink his hands tugged at her hips gently, but hard enough for Riza to take a tiny step back to steady herself.

“Roy,” she scolded lightly with a laugh as she reached for the hot water tap.

His hand retrained her, and he threaded his fingers through hers, guiding it away from her chore to rest above his heart. Turning to face him Riza saw a playful smile tugging at the corner of his lips. She was twirled in front of him, like they were dancing, before he tugged her tightly into her chest.

“We need to clean up –”

Roy shook his head. “We don’t. Not tonight.”

“But it will –”

“Please,” he whispered, begging her.

The hidden and silent storm of emotions in his eyes was enough to make Riza begin to understand. He wanted her tonight, for as long as possible. If tonight was their last of peace then he wanted to spend it with her. He didn’t want to do boring things like chores of pour over his plans one final time.

“What do you need?”

Riza surrendered to him, allowing his footwork to move her slowly to the centre of the room.

“You.”

The reply, spoken so simply and easily, broke down her defence and she succumbed to her husband’s love and desire to hold her tightly.

A hand was placed on her back securely, pulling her body closer to his. Angling her head, Riza rested it on Roy’s shoulder. His chin bumped the top of her head gently, finding its resting place there. A satisfied hum rumbled through his chest, the sound loud underneath Riza’s ear, while his hand pulled hers back atop his heart. Underneath their joined hands, Riza felt the steady thump of it. A warmth she couldn’t explain washed over her entire body. Here, like this, she felt at home. A part of her was still missing – her children – but it felt a little more bearable to deal with in Roy’s arms. Listening to his blood pump through his veins calmed her, a reminder that she wasn’t alone.

The two of them slowly swayed together to the faint sound of the radio in their living room, finding some semblance of peace before it would be shattered with the coming dawn.

They moved for what felt like hours, simply existing _together_. There was no one to interrupt, no one to drag their attention away. This moment was bittersweet, reminding her of the night before he left for Ishval. Déjà vu flooded her, making her eyes close as she fought through the painful memories that had been the toughest few months of her life. However, without that pain she’d experienced, she wouldn’t be here today. Riza wouldn’t have two children she loved unconditionally. It hadn’t been meaningless, that suffering. It had set her on the path she found herself on today, supporting her husband and nurturing her children.

With the lows came the good times. She remembered hearing Mia’s laugh for the first time. The way she’d flashed her gums, her tiny but perfect face squinting up at her mother happily. Watching Roy sleepily cradling Maes, trying to get him to fall back asleep during the night. Meeting Roy’s team for the first time, welcoming those people into her life and forming such a strong bond that they felt like uncles to her children. Laughing and joking with Rebecca throughout the years, and welcoming a new friend, Sheska, into her life.

Riza wouldn’t have traded it for the world. No matter how tough some aspects had been.

Retiring to bed, they remained together. Riza’s hands were relentless, grasping at Roy’s skin as she tried to be closer to him in every way. His sweat drenched hair tickled the skin of her face, his lips buried into the crook of her neck. Kisses were littered across her skin, feather light but placed with so much tenderness and care it made her whimper. She returned the favour, worshipping her husband’s body in the way he did hers.

The hour was late when Riza was disturbed from her bliss. The mattress dipped behind her, tugging her from sleep. Immediately her eyes opened, and her head turned to see Roy sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands gripping it tightly.

Riza sat up, feeling cold air wash over her skin with the late-night chill.

“It’s time for you to go?”

Roy’s shoulders tensed, bunching up at his ears as his chin tucked into his chest in defeat. “Yes.”

He sounded hollow, defeated already. The weight of all he had to do carried in his voice, settling on Riza’s heart and making it ache.

Scooting over and wrapping the sheet around her exposed body, Riza’s hand lifted to rest on Roy’s spine, in between his shoulder blades. The instantaneous reaction was for his shoulders to loosen and peel down from his ears. His chin lifted, looking out at the darkened room before him.

“Be safe,” she whispered as her thumb caressed the muscles of his spine. “And come back home to me.”

Slowly, Roy turned, bringing his gaze to hesitantly meet hers. They had no idea how this would all go but she would always think of the best for him. She wanted him to succeed, to take the biggest step he’d taken so far in his fight to give Amestris back to the people. Riza had so much faith and trust in him and his abilities. She often thought that if anyone could do all of this, Roy could. With such a far-reaching vision he was the best man for the job, and she’d support him to the top.

Their foreheads touched gently, taking a quiet moment together in the silence of the dawn.

“I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved you, Riza,” he whispered. “You drive me every day and gave me two wonderful children.” His expression was so open and vulnerable after pulling away. “I will _always _return to you.”

“I’ll hold you to that promise,” she smirked, pushing past the pain constricting her chest.

His lips found hers, pressing hard in their desperation.

“Go and save the world, Roy Mustang,” she breathed.

Their breaths mingled together and sparked up a heat she desperately wanted to give into but couldn’t. He had to go.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, Riza Mustang.” He smirked playfully, despite the desire in his eyes to climb right back into bed with her. “So much. I’ll see you soon.”

His words were spoken like a vow and his eyes made direct contact with hers as he tried to convey just how much he meant that statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> foreshadowing. ? 👀


	37. we have to unify and watch our flag ascend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've had this fic on the brain recently so been working on it bit by bit. now it's finally done! hope you enjoy!
> 
> song for this chapter: muse - uprising

## 1915

** **

** _rise up and take the power back_ **

** _it's time the fat cats had a heart attack_ **

** _you know that their time is coming to an end_ **

** _we have to unify and watch our flag ascend_ **

  
  


Anxiety rumbled inside Riza’s stomach uncomfortably. It would not leave her alone at all, becoming more relentless and vicious as the day progressed.

It had started when the news dropped that morning the Fuhrer’s train had been derailed and attacked travelling back from the east. A few hours had passed since then, but her condition didn’t improve. There were reports on various radio stations, claiming Colonel Mustang was an enemy and was staging a coup to overthrow Fuhrer Bradley.

Gunshots were heard towards the centre of the city. The streets were silent, everyone locked up inside and too afraid to venture out. There were panicked warnings across stations too, telling everyone to remain indoors until the military had wrapped up whatever was happening in Central.

‘Wrapped up’ either meant Roy’s success or his doom.

Riza tried not to dwell on it too much despite hanging onto every word that came through on the news stations. It was a cruel form of torture, listening to it all and being unable to determine what was true or false. Was the military on Bradley’s side controlling the reports? Were they trying to paint Roy a criminal? Riza didn’t know. She knew his plan but plans change and are adapted in practice. 

Hayate was as restless as she was. However he could sense her distress and recognised she needed some comfort.

Riza had been wringing her hands in her lap on the couch, eyes unseeing as she focussed her attention on the news programmes. He’d hopped up beside her, giving her a fright and making her jump. Hayate buried his muzzle into the gap between her forearm and leg, forcing himself gently into the space with a whine. Normally Riza would gently command him to get down off the furniture but today… It brought a smile to her face and she scooted him closer to her body, petting his fur as he sighed underneath her hands.

The ringing of the phone startled their quiet contemplation as they waited for any further news.

“Hello, Riza,” Gracia greeted on the other side of the line.

Her shoulders relaxed, feeling tension evade from them. Despite it not being who she’d prefer to hear from at that moment, Riza was still pleased to hear from her friend. It was a welcome break from her own mind.

“Hello, Gracia.”

“Hi, Aunt Riza!” an excited child’s voice called over her mother, making Riza smile. 

“Elicia says hello too,” Gracia giggled.

“Hello, Elicia,” Riza replied fondly.

Riza’s stomach tightened, a deep yearning flooding her as she wished her children were at home with her too.

Mia was having a brilliant time in Xing. They’d visited two imperial palaces so far and Mia was brimming with excitement and knowledge on them, telling her parents all about it when she’d called on the phone. It just made Riza miss her more, wishing she was there with her and Maes to experience it with them.

“How are you doing?” Gracia’s question interrupted her thoughts.

“I’m fine,” she answered. It wasn’t a complete lie. Physically, she was. Mentally… Well, there wasn’t enough time for her to explain all of that and she didn’t want to unload it all onto her friend.

“Good,” Gracia replied. “I know things are… uncertain in Central Command at the moment,” Gracia added tactfully before clearing her throat, “so I just wanted to call for a chat and see how you were doing.”

A smile overtook Riza’s features at the thoughtful gesture. Gracia had probably heard the same news as her but was still willing to look out for Riza as a friend. At least Riza knew she could count on her regardless of what happened.

“That’s very kind of you. Thank you,” Riza replied gratefully.

“It’s no problem, Riza,” was Gracia’s warm reply.

The two of them chatted a while. Riza and Elicia got to talk for a little bit too. She asked Elicia about her day and what toys she was playing with. A tactical question because she’d need to get organised and buy Elicia’s birthday present sometime soon.

Just as they were wrapping up there was a knock at Riza’s door.

Gracia understood and offered a quick farewell, allowing Riza to answer her guest. Apprehension made her cautious as she approached, eyeing the shadow through the glass carefully before she opened the door. Riza wasn’t expecting anyone, so was alert and wary. Given the circumstances and her husband’s plans for the day, it was hard for her not to be.

“Riza.”

She blinked at Roy standing before her, completely baffled.

His smile was wide, all his teeth on show. His eyes, instead of meeting her gaze with the softness she loved, looked harsh, almost leering at her. It took her aback. The difference in his usual demeanour was startling.

“Roy.”

It was all she could manage to reply with. He… He shouldn’t even be here. He should be elsewhere –

“I’m here to take you to Central Command. I thought about it and I’d prefer it if you were there with me instead of at home.”

_Something isn’t right_, Riza thought immediately.

Roy’s smile wavered, falling just enough for him to look impatient despite giving her barely any time to reply.

This… This person wasn’t Roy. Riza didn’t know how or why that was possible, but it wasn’t him. Her gut was screaming at her not to trust him.

Roy’s impatience grew. His eyes tightened, but only slightly, a sign that whoever this was, they were annoyed by her lack of response and compliance.

_One of the homunculi has skin made of carbon,_ Roy’s voice echoed in her head. _Another, the one that stabbed Havoc and I, could make long knives out of their fingers. One can change shape while another will eat almost everything – and I mean, almost everything._

Someone… One of the homunculi had stolen Roy’s face and was using it in front of her, mocking Riza with his image.

“All right,” she agreed finally. “Sorry, I just didn’t expect to see you home so soon.”

Roy shrugged carelessly. “Plans changed and Central Command is where I want you to be.”

She tried not to frown. She really did. Whenever a plan was made, even his plans for _today_, her thoughts and wants were always considered. Riza was never ‘forced’ into anything based on what Roy desired.

He’d listened intently to her fears for the day, holding her close. He’d asked where she’d prefer to be - if she wanted to travel last minute to Xing with his mother or if she wanted to stay at home. Riza knew what Roy wanted her to do. He wanted her to leave so that she would be safe and out of harm’s way. But he didn’t voice it. It was her decision and he didn’t want to sway her. She couldn’t leave him though. They’d always agreed to look out for one another and Riza couldn’t turn her back on him when he needed it the most. Despite not being actively involved in his plans, she still wanted to be present. Whether the aftermath of today would be good or bad, she still wanted to stay to see it through.

Roy hadn’t promised that everything would be all right, because realistically he couldn’t, but he _did _promise he’d fight tooth and nail to come back to her. That he always would. It meant more to Riza to hear that than for him to spout off false promises in an effort to make her feel better in the short-term. It reminded Riza of how he would always gravitate back to her, and vice versa.

Two soldiers approached up the path to their home, tearing Riza’s attention away from her ‘husband’. Their faces were stony and unforgiving as they stared at her, waiting for her to start moving.

“Who are these people?”

“Two men from my team,” Roy dismissed, gesturing lazily over his shoulder. “They’re extra protection for you. Are you ready to leave?”

So, now she wasn’t even getting a chance to disagree.

Riza had never seen these men before either. If Roy really was sending someone on a protection detail, it would be someone she was familiar with, or at least someone she knew the name of.

These people were not here to protect her.

“I will be,” she nodded slowly. “I just need to lock up.”

She shouldn’t go with them. Every instinct screamed at her not to, however another part of her whispered in her mind that she clearly had no choice. The silent officers had their hands on their weapon holsters. It was a reminder. A threat.

“Lock up?” The imposter echoed her words back to her in irritated confusion.

She nodded. “I won’t be a moment,” she reassured. “I would bring you in, but I’ve been painting so there’s fresh paint everywhere. I wouldn’t want it to get all over your uniforms,” she smiled placidly, perfectly innocent as she closed the door on them without waiting for a reply.

One thing Riza was hoping for as she turned in a hurry, was that they’d respect the boundary she’d set by closing that door.

If they were here for her “protection” and she was to be used against Roy in some way, they wouldn’t hurt her. Well, not yet anyway. That would have no impact on Roy right now. If they wanted to use her to get to him, whoever this was would wait until Roy could see her. The thought made her ill, but she had no choice. She could fight it, she could run, but she couldn’t outrun bullets if they started firing. Plus, the homunculi had powers. There was no way for her to know what the one who’d stolen her husband’s face was capable of.

Riza dived for the phone, but hesitated. There was no one to call. Roy wasn’t in the office, neither was his team. Rebecca was out of office today. Gracia was just a civilian…

There was one person…

A piece of paper lay next to the phone with a name and phone number written on it. Roy had left it there the night before, explaining it was a direct line to one of his supporters in the East. They were high up in the military, he’d said, and would help if she needed anything today.

Riza shook her head as she stared at the name. She had no reason to believe her grandfather would help her. He’d known of her existence for years and had made no move to make contact. Still, it was an option… A way to possibly get through to Roy. A last ditch effort…

Riza felt she at least had to try.

“General Grumman,” an aged voice greeted through the phone.

“General,” Riza greeted, swallowing the extra saliva forming in her mouth. “General Grumman, my name is Riza Mustang. Née Hawkeye.”

There was silence on the other side of the line.

“I’m very sorry to disturb you today, sir, however I was left this number by my husband, Colonel Mustang, should I need any assistance.” There was still no reply from her grandfather. Taking a deep breath, she forged ahead, hoping he would offer her something. “I would like to ask one thing of you, if you wouldn’t mind? It’s for my husband’s sake and I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t important. I know you are close with him, sir.”

“What do you need?” His tone had changed completely, losing its professionalism, and reverting to a respectful but forlorn one.

Riza didn’t spend too long analysing the nuances of his reply. She couldn’t. There were far more important things for her to dwell on, especially when her grandfather had paid her no mind in the years she and Roy had been married. If Roy was a well-known “family man” around the office, then General Grumman was sure to have heard about her when he was Roy’s direct superior. Her grandfather _must _have made the connection and yet had done nothing. Other factors may have come into play there, but Riza had no time to consider them. Getting a message to Roy was her top priority, not her grandfather.

“I need you to get a message to Colonel Mustang.”

“What is it?” The General’s tone was brisk. He snapped his fingers, demanding someone get him a pen and some paper.

“Tell him I’m on my way into town,” she swallowed, looking back at her front door. “The escort has just arrived.”

“Understood.” There was movement on the other side of the line. She heard him bark an order but it was hard to make it out. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Mrs. Mustang? Anything you need?”

“That’s all. I would really appreciate you passing that message on, sir,” she added, stressing that fact and hoping he’d pick up on it. 

There was an urgent knock at her front door. Riza’s head snapped towards it, feeling the imposter’s anger and annoyance as they banged on the door.

“Have a nice day, General,” she swallowed. Riza hung up the phone without waiting for him to reply.

While shrugging on her jacket she whistled for Hayate to come. He appeared in an instant by her side, looking up at her expectantly. She bent low, clipping his lead onto his collar. Taking the deepest breath, Riza stood and braced herself to dive head first into the lion’s den.

The imposter frowned once the door opened, affronted at having been kept waiting for so long, while the two soldiers stared at her, as stiff as statues. Paying them no heed, Riza pocketed her house key and looked at her ‘husband’ expectantly.

Hayate tugged on his lead, turning to growl loudly at Roy. He barked twice, taking up a defensive stance in front of her.

Her dog’s behaviour solidified it for Riza. That was not her husband.

“What’s wrong… boy?” Roy missed a beat, guessing the correct word to use when referring to Hayate, who just continued to bark.

Riza didn’t try to quieten him either.

“I’m not sure,” she replied innocently, glancing up at her ‘husband’. “He normally loves you, Roy.”

The imposter frowned down at the Shiba. He took one step forward and Hayate warned him to back right back up again with a snarl. Roy flinched, moving backwards. Riza almost smiled proudly at her dog.

“What’s gotten into the mutt today,” Roy muttered darkly underneath his breath.

Gripping the lead tightly and trying not to snap a reply, Riza gently hushed Hayate.

“Why does he have to come?” Roy’s voice was full of disgust.

“I can’t leave him alone all day,” Riza replied simply with a shrug. “That wouldn’t be very responsible pet ownership. You know that.”

Roy turned his nose up Hayate, then proceeded to skirt around him as Hayate continued to growl. Riza probably should’ve quietened him again but it was far too entertaining to watch. Hayate had always been very protective of her and her family so if _his_ instincts were telling him not to trust Roy, then Riza would believe it too.

“Keep him on a tight lead,” Roy sniffed, storming over to the car without a backwards glance.

Riza glanced down at Hayate, noting how his stance was still protective, but his growling eased with the more distance Roy put between him and her.

“Yes, Sir,” Riza muttered to herself.

Beginning to walk, she signalled for Hayate to follow. There was a moment of pause and Riza wondered if he’d go anywhere near the imposter again but Hayate trotted along obediently. He moved closer to Riza and hurried to walk one step ahead of her, putting himself between her and the imposter.

She loved their little Shiba with all of her heart every day. However, after that show and how protective he was being, her adoration for their dog swelled in her chest that little bit more.

* * *

The car stopped at a blockade. Soldiers were holding up traffic, waving for other soldiers to pass by and ignoring the yelling of irate drivers. ‘Roy’ was in the passenger seat, muttering under his breath while the soldier driving remained still, staring straight ahead with no emotion as he waited for the disruption to clear.

Riza’s head turned at the sound of yells, confused but drawn to it, wondering what on _earth_ the sudden commotion was for.

Then a gun went off. One single shot cracked through the angry shouting, silencing everyone.

That’s when the panicked cries started.

People ran past the car window as Riza ducked in the back seat on instinct. Another gunshot sounded, followed by loud _cracks_ and sudden flashes of light. It reminded Riza of alchemy but she didn’t get a chance to dwell on that thought for too long. Hayate whined loudly in her ear. His legs were shaking and shifting restlessly on her lap as he pressed his muzzle against her neck in fear.

The sound of gunfire rattled within Riza’s chest, making her feel ill. It was such a shock that she was frozen for the briefest of seconds, stuck as she tried to comprehend what was happening.

Risking lifting her head, Riza spotted the look of fury on Roy’s face. One hand was braced on the dashboard, teeth clenched hard together as he cursed violently. The tips of his fingers changed in colour, taking on a hint of green as the imposter began to lose whatever control they had over Roy’s form.

“Envy!”

A voice called through the sudden appearance of smoke and dust outside, but from her ducked position, Riza could see no one. She couldn’t be sure, but they sounded _young_. Risking a further search, there was still nobody to be found. She couldn’t see anything through the sudden gloom.

“Come out!” the newcomer commanded harshly.

The imposter snarled and glared ahead of them.

“_You_,” they hissed, twisting her husband’s features into a look of disgust. Then, their hand turned green and transformed shape completely.

Riza listened to her screaming instincts and made her move.

The soldier to Riza’s left hadn’t expected her to shove open the door and dive out of the stationary vehicle. People were still yelling and running away from the sound of whatever battle was raging in the streets. Riza ducked into the crowd hurriedly with Hayate in her arms, sprinting through it and bashing into others who damned her for being so clumsy. She didn’t care. There was an out and Riza took it. The startling sound of Roy yelling at her with such ire almost froze her in fear, but Riza forged ahead.

_That was not Roy_.

Once through the throng of people, she slipped into an alleyway and stopped, panting heavily. Hands on knees, Riza’s lungs heaved as she struggled to get the breath she needed. Her limbs were shaking from adrenaline, fear, and anger.

How dare that… _homunculus _imitate Roy. They hadn’t even tried to appear sincere and like him. Riza had never been so insulted by that poor performance. They’d mocked her with his image -

Hayate quietly barked a warning. He took a step back, facing the thinning crowd of people she’d just ran through.

“Time to go, boy,” Riza breathed, still struggling to gulp down enough oxygen. She willed herself to calm down and focus on the here and now, and not what had transpired with the homunculus. She was free from them at the moment but if they caught her it would not end well for Riza.

Her months of limited exercise due to the pregnancy and having a demanding infant in the house was taking its toll. Her breaths slowly became easier, but her heart rate remained sky high. Adrenaline and anger were fuelling the furious pumping of her heart, making Riza’s first step unsteady.

Hayate remained tight to her side, scouting ahead with his nose. He never stopped or resisted the direction she was heading, so Riza took that as a good sign.

After escaping from the homunculus and the escort, Riza had no idea where to go. She knew of Roy and his team’s plan, knew where they were rendezvousing at, but it would be difficult to pinpoint where exactly they were at certain times –

Tires screeching on concrete made Riza jerk back from the road in fright. Momentary terror gripped her heart, squeezing it tightly. Was this someone else to ‘convince’ her to go with them? Had the homunculus found her?

This was not a car though. Riza paused and eyed the ice cream truck that had halted in front of her. Her muscles coiled with energy, getting ready to turn and run if need be.

“Riza?!”

The sound of Rebecca Catalina’s voice was _not_ what Riza expected to hear that day, however it was the most welcome thing in the world after her flight from the car.

“_Rebecca_?”

“Get in!”

The door in the cab of the truck was thrown open. Riza didn’t hesitate.

“What are you doing out on the streets?” Rebecca’s tone was one of disbelief and worry as she pulled away, speeding down the street.

“What are you doing in Central? Shouldn’t you be on a mission out east?”

“_This_ is my mission.” Her head jerked to the truck behind her.

Looking around, Riza blinked in surprise at the number of weapons that were loaded into the unsuspecting ice cream truck.

“Uh…”

There was a person in the back, too. A woman.

“Hi,” she grinned, offering Riza a wave. Dark hair was cut short to her head, while a distinctive mole was placed upon her cheek, just underneath her eye.

“Riza, Maria Ross,” Rebecca introduced hurriedly as she weaved through traffic. “Maria, Riza Mustang.”

“Oh!” Riza exclaimed, recognition dawning on her. “Maria Ross,” she repeated, seeing the woman nod in confirmation. “I’m glad you’re safe. How was Xerxes?”

“Hot,” she remarked dryly, “but a necessary journey. Xing was much more preferable though in temperature,” she quipped with a wink.

“You didn’t answer my question, Riza,” Rebecca admonished. “What were you doing out in the streets?”

Hayate swayed on her lap, looking out the window excitedly as the city sped by. With hands buried in his fur, she rubbed his sides as she told the story of her morning.

“Wait, a _homunculus_?” Rebecca’s mouth popped open in shock. “At your door?”

“I think so, because it wasn’t Roy.” Riza was adamant about that. “Hayate growled and barked at them enough though, didn’t you boy?”

Reacting to her proud tone, Hayate sat a little taller and panted happily.

“He’s a good boy,” Rebecca cooed. “You’re so lucky,” she added, pouting.

“How come?” Her laugh was light.

“You get a good man, cute kids, _and_ the best dog in the world!”

“Yes, but _I_ don’t get to run around the city, driving at top speed in an ice cream truck full of weapons,” Riza countered playfully.

“Do you want to?” Rebecca chuckled to herself. “I can only imagine the look on Mustang’s face when you show up as the driver.”

It would be entertaining but Riza’s stomach still tightened uncomfortably at the thought of having to explain what had happened that morning to him. She’d never hide it, but given his reaction to her meeting with Pride, it wouldn’t be ideal to do it when he was supposed to be level-headed and calm while leading a rebellion.

“I can picture it well,” Riza smirked, despite her discomfort.

They pulled up to the kerb suddenly.

“Quick, get into the back,” Rebecca ordered.

Given the urgency of her tone, Riza wasted no time and held Hayate tight to her chest as she manoeuvred her way into the back of the truck, picking her way through boxes of weapons.

“Colonel Mustang!”

Riza’s heart was in her throat as she waited to see him appear. Relief flooded each and every one of her limbs, thankful he was okay, and she could witness that confirmation with her own two eyes. Roy gawked up at Maria Ross, so did Breda, when she moved forward to reveal herself. 

“I picked up a hitchhiker along the way as well,” Rebecca quipped.

Breda glanced behind Maria, eyes growing wide when Rebecca waved over her shoulder to further back in the truck. Roy just stared in confusion at Rebecca.

“Riza?” Breda’s half smirk was both of joy and surprise as he called over to her.

Roy’s head snapped around after Breda spoke. His eyes scanned the truck frantically to look for her. Once settling on her form, he took one look at her face, instantly alert. His spine straightened as Riza let out a long breath.

“What are you doing here?” Breda’s question was mirrored on all of their faces, joy quickly turning to alerted concern.

“Let’s hop out for a minute,” Rebecca suggested. “I could use a stretch of my legs.”

Everyone did so, moving further away as Riza stepped down onto the concrete. She felt Hayate stiffen in her arms but she placed him down on the ground so she could talk to Roy.

He’d stepped back, giving them all space to step out of the vehicle, but didn’t approach Riza. He remained put, studying her, trying to find a reason in his own mind why she would be in the truck with Rebecca and not at home.

“Can I talk to you?”

He nodded, stepping forward with an outstretched hand. Taking a deep breath, Riza approached with Hayate’s lead in her hand. She was halted, though, when her dog dug his paws into the ground, tugging her back from him. No growl left his throat, but Hayate wasn’t budging and was staring Roy down.

“Hayate?”

Riza held her breath, thinking of her last run in with ‘Roy’.

“Is it really you?” Her question, despite being quiet, carried across the distance between them.

“What?” His confusion was genuine. Shifting his stance to face her fully, Roy’s arm dropped to his side, hanging limp.

Out the corner of her eye, Riza saw Breda jerk his head at the other three soldiers, walking further out of earshot to give them some more privacy. It was much appreciated.

“Is it really you,” she repeated, gripping Hayate’s lead tighter.

The dog took a tentative step forward but still didn’t growl. His nostrils were moving, sniffing, and testing the air.

“I…” He didn’t know how to respond, which Riza thought was promising. Looking completely perplexed, Roy trailed off, unsure how to answer but wanting to be careful in his reply.

“What did you say to me?” She was desperate, the emotion clawing up her throat and forming a lump. She desperately wanted it to be him, but she wouldn’t put herself at risk. She had to check. “Before you left last night, what did you promise?”

“That I would always return to you and the kids,” was his instant reply. Roy didn’t even miss a beat. It made Riza’s heart soar and her muscles loosened with the reassurance. “You told me you’d hold me to that and to go off and save the world.” A tiny smile tugged at his lips, softening his expression.

It was him.

Riza moved forward into his open and waiting arms. Hayate didn’t put up any resistance either. A kiss was pressed to the top of her head as she squeezed him tightly.

“Thank you for answering my questions,” she whispered against his uniform.

Hayate sniffed at Roy’s legs and let out a quiet yip. His tail wagged happily before sitting down on the ground, satisfied that this was the _real_ Roy.

“Can I ask what that was all about?” He was trying to remain casual, but she heard the strain in his voice.

Riza nodded and pulled away. “Hayate and I already had a run in with you today.”

His head cocked to the side, not understanding. His lips parted to speak but no noise left him. Instead, Roy’s mouth closed, still unable to comprehend her reply.

“It wasn’t you.”

“Well, I know that, but –” His face paled, mouth parted as realisation dawned on him. “Wait.”

“It was someone pretending to be you. They had your face and your voice.”

“Oh, shit.”

Riza almost snorted in amusement at his mumbled response.

“I’m… I didn’t… I didn’t anticipate something like that happening.”

“It’s not your fault.”

An appreciative smile was shot her way. “Are you okay, though?” Roy dipped his head, looking into both her eyes to try and discern if he could see anything in them to give away her true state of being.

“I’m fine,” she placated with a gentle hand on his forearm. “_We’re_ fine. Hayate told me right away that it wasn’t you.”

Roy looked down at their pup. Seeing eyes on him, Hayate’s tongue lolled from his mouth and his tail thumped on the ground. Roy’s hands released Riza from his hold so he could lower to a crouch. Hayate stood, excitement on his face at the anticipation of getting attention from Roy.

“He’s a good dog,” Roy murmured, rubbing at Hayate’s head. “The best dog in the world, actually.”

“I’ve often thought that myself,” Riza replied dryly.

“Thank you for protecting our family, Hayate.” His tone was sincere as he gave Hayate another scratch behind the ear. The pup was pleased, his eyes closing appreciatively. “We all owe you a lot.”

Hayate barked at them both, eyes sparkling with elation.

“I’m glad you’re all right,” Roy repeated, moving to stand. “Who was it? Do you know?”

“I don’t,” Riza replied honestly. “It was definitely a homunculus though. You said there was one who could change shape. It was _you_, Roy, but they didn’t act like you.”

“Envy, then,” he muttered to himself.

Riza’s mind jolted, remembering how someone had called that name before she fled the car.

“Was there anyone else?”

“Two vacant looking soldiers. They didn’t speak,” Riza replied.

“What did Envy want?”

“Me to go with them to Central Command.”

Turning thoughtful, Roy considered her answer. “I didn’t anticipate a plan such as this.” His gaze turned away but Riza caught sight of his regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think they’d stoop so low and do something like try and kidnap you.”

Her stomach twisted at the phrase, but Roy was right.

“I thought you’d be safe at home,” he sighed. His eyes closed briefly. “But if that’s how they want to do things then I’m glad you’re here.” His expression softened, his tiny smile returning to tease the corner of his lips.

“I am too,” she admitted. Riza reached forward and gripped his hand tightly. 

Once again, she found a place in his arms, safe and secure.

“So, what’s the plan, Colonel?” Riza pulled away from his embrace after kissing his cheek.

One of his eyebrows raised. “You already know the plan.”

“I did,” Riza agreed, “but now I’m involved. How can I help?”

“Well. I didn’t really want to get you involved but if you’re here we could use an extra set of hands.” Twisting, he extracted a pistol from a holster around his waist. “I wasn’t planning on using it but brought it just in case.”

“You’re giving me a gun?” Riza blinked at it.

“You were the deadliest shot I knew as a kid with that rifle of yours,” Roy quipped playfully. “I know it’s been a while though, so if you don’t want to –”

Riza gently plucked the gun from Roy’s open palm. It was examined carefully, and she weighed it in her grip. It nestled comfortably in her palm.

“Anything to help.” Her reply was firm and determined. “And it’s not been too long. Rebecca and I went shooting once before I found out I was pregnant with Maes.”

“Is it just like riding a bike, then?”

Riza smirked at his jest. “We’ll soon find out.”

She lifted the gun to eye level, squinting to aim, feeling everything come rushing back to her from her childhood. She was back in that forest, the breeze gentle and tugging at her fringe. The birds overhead were chirping, oblivious to the young girl below hunting for survival.

“I think you’ll be just fine,” Roy smirked, watching her proudly.

“Sir!” Fuery called from a distance away, interrupting their conversation.

They both turned, seeing him holding a phone receiver away from his ear.

“I’ve got a call here for you from General Grumman, sir.”

Riza’s heart rose into her throat in anticipation.

“He’s been trying to get through to us for a while. Apparently it’s very urgent. It’s regarding your family?” Fuery questioned that last part, looking over at Riza.

Roy shot her an alarmed look.

“I called him and asked to get a message to you,” she explained, “when Envy showed up.”

“Oh.”

“Take it,” she urged and nudged his arm gently. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

He shot her a smile before jogging over to Fuery to take the call.

So, her grandfather had come through for her after all. Riza let out a relieved breath, thankful he’d listened and done as she’d requested. Although she hadn’t anticipated ending up with Roy anyway and so soon, it was still a relief to know the General was willing to help her.

She’d make sure to thank him if they ever crossed paths in the future.


	38. don't give in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the longer wait for this chapter. there was a lot to include and wanted to make a relatively decent attempt at tackling this incredible scene. hope you enjoy
> 
> song for this chapter: snow patrol - don’t give in

**1915**

** _i can only tell you how it, how it looks from here_ **

** _i think you've made up your mind_ **

** _i think you've made up your mind_ **

Everything about this room set Riza’s nerves on edge. The glaring white walls were bright enough to give her a headache. The decaying body across from them, surrounded by pieces of smashed armour, was creating a stench strong enough to make her gag. Riza pressed a hand against her mouth and nose, stifling it as best she could. It didn’t help much. The smell still made her stomach lurch.

Aside from the foreboding atmosphere of the room, the smirking homunculus at the other end was making her skittish. That was the same one who’d tried to kidnap her earlier, probably to use her against Roy. When they’d first set eyes on Riza, Envy flashed her a smile with teeth fully on show. It was unsettling.

“_Nice to see you again, Riza_,” they’d sneered at her.

In response Riza lifted her gun higher, aiming down sights to settle it upon their face.

It had been a while since she’d fired a gun. Riza wasn’t sure if she had it in her to shoot to _kill_ someone, but she would do her utmost to protect those she loved. The wounds didn’t need to kill, just hinder, and slow them down. The thought settled uncomfortably in her gut but Riza was not naïve. The homunculi wouldn’t go easy on her just because she was a civilian. When it came down to it, she had her children and her husband to fight for. She’d fight to survive for them. Growing up she’d learned how to survive from a young age and had been forced into doing what needed to be done far too soon. Now would be no different. If they threatened to kill her, kill her family, then she’d fight back. There was no question about it. The weight and consequences of any actions would be dealt with later.

After Envy’s welcome party Roy stepped up close behind her. He placed his hand gently upon her hip to garner her attention.

“Stay close,” he murmured in her ear, before moving around her, placing himself between her and Envy.

He didn’t know just how much comfort that action provided.

Even half shielded from view, Riza never relaxed. Her gun lowered so it wouldn’t be pointed at the back of Roy’s head, but her muscles were still coiled tightly and ready to react at a moment's notice. She didn’t let her guard down.

“Got your back,” Riza replied quietly.

Still facing away, Roy’s head bobbed once. Taking that as a sign he acknowledged her, Riza turned her gaze to the rest of the room. Her eyes skipped between everyone in front of her, making sure Edward was all right.

The strap of the rifle Breda had presented to her threatened to slip off her shoulder, so Riza shrugged it back into a comfortable place. She didn’t see the need for her to have two weapons however she had to admit, she did feel more comfortable with the rifle. That was what she’d grown up with and it was a comfort to know her preferred weapon wasn’t far away. Not that she _wanted_ a weapon at all, but Riza knew these people could very easily kill her. She didn’t want to be left defenceless. Not when she had two children waiting for her to come home.

Finally, returning to the conversation, Riza turned her attention to Envy. They smirked maddeningly and Riza’s stomach twisted.

“Congratulations, Colonel Mustang. You’ve finally hunted down your culprit.”

Her stomach dropped.

Envy’s body glowed bright red, changing and morphing into -

_Gracia._

They’d… They’d killed Maes… Using Gracia’s face...

The gun in Riza’s hands dipped to point at the floor with her shock. Riza didn’t even realise. She was too stuck on the revelation that this was the person who’d killed one of her dearest friends. They’d taken a loving father away from a child, left a woman widowed… Made him think his _own wife _had killed him - 

“That’s _enough_.”

Bile crawled its way up Riza’s throat, but it stalled when she saw Roy move. Her head snapped to face him, seeing his whole body shaking with…

_Rage._

Gloves were tightened over his hands and all Riza wanted to do was reach out, place a hand on his shoulder, and jerk him back, out of reach of Envy. Anything to break his concentration. Envy was taunting Roy, playing with him, and it caused Riza’s fear to skyrocket. Roy had already been volatile enough about this topic of conversation at home. He didn’t need to be teased further about Maes’ murderer. But Riza was frozen in place. Her brain was still trying to process that this was who’d murdered Maes Hughes.

Roy walked toward Envy so Riza lifted her gun, training it on Envy’s form now that Roy had stepped out of her line of fire. She swallowed thickly, past the lump in her throat.

“This one is _mine_, and mine alone.”

Her breath caught, eyes nervously shifting over to look at Roy again.

_Please… Please don’t do anything reckless_, she pleaded inside her head.

“Mrs. Mustang, do you really think the two of you -?”

“Edward, go.” She shifted her grip on the gun. The day was not won, and they still had a job to do. Edward still had his own goals to achieve. “You’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Are you sure?”

“She said go, Elric,” Roy snapped.

Riza frowned at the back of his head, affronted by his tone. Still, she wanted Edward out of here. Riza felt the same way about the young girl standing by Scar too. She was sure they were more than capable, but her maternal instinct was clawing its way to the surface. She could handle Roy, and they had somewhere better to be.

They walked by without incident. Envy glared as they passed but made no move to stop the group. Their tongue was still smoking after Roy had snapped earlier, burning it to stop them from talking.

“You go too -”

“_She’s_ not getting to leave,” Envy sneered. “No,” they smirked, “I think she can stay here with you and watch how you work, Colonel.” Envy snickered to themselves and Riza’s stomach twisted uncomfortably.

Before Roy could open his mouth to reply there was a deafening _crack_ of energy.

The pistol fell limp by her side. Riza’s mouth parted in complete shock, brain struggling to comprehend what was in front of her.

Envy had changed shape completely. The massive form of a green… She didn’t even know what to class it as. It was no beast she knew of, more a culmination of numerous beings all mashed together into one. The human bodies and faces that pressed out from the green skin almost made her vomit. It would be naïve to think they weren’t real people stuck inside there but… Riza couldn’t help but hope beyond hope. A foolish hope, but enough to keep her sane for the moment. It was enough to keep her breakfast in her stomach and stop the horror from keeping her completely frozen in place.

Her fear about running from the imposter at her front door was validated in that moment. Initially she’d been compliant so she could avoid any kind of conflict as the homunculus’ powers were unknown. Seeing this new form in front of her Riza was really damn glad she hadn’t fought it. Those massive paws could end her life in one playful swipe.

“I’ll give you the fight you’re looking for Colonel, seeing as you’ve been _so_ relentless in your search for Hughes’ killer. However, I can’t exactly tread lightly in this body so you better -”

Envy’s eyes erupted into flames. Riza balked at the show, their howl of agony slicing through her entire body and making her shudder. 

“What’s it like having the fluid inside of your eyes boil? I’d imagine it might sting a little,” Roy stated coldly.

Riza turned to look at her husband. Dread prickled over her skin, lifting the hairs on her arms, and turning her blood to ice. Horror roiled inside her chest, squeezing her heart painfully and making her break out in a cold sweat.

Enraged, Roy didn’t relent on his assault and Riza could only watch on, terrified.

This was the power she’d unleashed upon the world. These flames had ravished the desert, razing it, and destroying everything in its path. Riza was well aware of this, had discussed it with Roy years ago, but had never seen it at work.

_“I think she can stay here with you and watch how you work, Colonel.”_

Envy had already known of Roy’s destructive power.

Shortly after they were married, he’d playfully lit the fireplace with it, used it to light the gas on the cooker – sometimes with almost disastrous results – but after Ishval the gloves were neatly tucked away inside a drawer and were never brought out except for when he went to work. He never wore them again inside their home, taking his time to coax a fire from the coals on their hearth, or almost burn his fingers with a match.

This was the power that had torn him apart once before, it was threatening to do it again.

Riza couldn’t let that happen.

Envy’s massive form shifted, their tail swinging to hit the wall beside them. The force of it blasted rock towards Roy and Riza’s heart lifted into her throat.

“Roy!”

His hands lifted to in front of his face to try and shield it, but she lost sight of him as more stone flew by and dust filled the room. Riza crouched low, feeling grains of stone scrape gently across her hands as she covered her head. Luckily, she was out of range of Envy’s attack.

“You coward!” Roy barked.

She heard footsteps against the stone floor, running. As the dust cleared she saw her husband running towards the door Edward had walked through, and Envy was nowhere to be seen.

“Roy, wait!”

She was desperate. Riza took a step towards him. She’d heard the fury in his voice, saw the inferno of hate inside his eyes before he’d attacked Envy. In her mind she was silently begging Roy not to run headfirst into something he’d regret. But she never got a chance to voice it aloud.

“You stay here where it’s safe,” he called over his shoulder, running towards the door. “I don’t want you to get hurt. I’m going to take care of Envy myself,” he spat.

She hated hearing the fury in his voice. That wasn’t the Roy she knew. This wasn’t the doting father who laughed and cherished his children. Riza knew his time in the military hadn’t been sunshine and roses. It had been difficult and cruel, but this was something else entirely. He was changing, teetering on the edge of morphing into… into a monster. If pushed enough he just might. The realisation of it cut deep into her chest, making it ache as she exhaled.

Her shoulders slumped as she stared after his retreating form. She felt momentarily helpless –

Riza frowned. As if she would stay and let him run off to fight Envy alone. The irritation and anger she’d felt festering during their last argument about him seeking revenge and justice came hurtling back. He was losing it, but he’d already said he didn’t want to become a monster again. Riza wouldn’t let him.

The pistol was gripped tightly in her palm. Riza started moving and picked up her pace to a run. Her gun was cocked and ready.

As she walked through the tunnels she’d heard the explosions, heard Envy’s distant screams. Riza was on high alert. The blasts and the screaming eventually stopped but she wouldn’t let her guard down until she knew for certain Envy had been defeated. The sudden lack of them made her wonder if Roy had already defeated and delivered his justice to Envy, but she held onto the slim hope that maybe they’d just escaped. She clung to it desperately.

Footsteps were approaching her current position. They were in the hallway ahead, heavy but steady as they walked. Ducking, she hurried as quietly as she could to the opening where the tunnel she was in opened up into another. Gun poised and ready, she waited for whoever was approaching to come into view.

At the last second, Riza spun out and swung her gun, lifting it so it came face to face with - 

Roy.

She blinked at him, surprised to have seen him so soon. Her shoulders fell with relief and realisation but paused when she saw the dark look in his eyes. His stare was hard as he looked down on her.

A seed of doubt planted itself into her mind when he remained, poised to snap at her, for a moment longer. He should have recognised her right away...

Was this…

Unless he thought _she _was Envy.

“I told you to stay behind, Riza.” Roy straightened his posture and lowered his hand to his side. His hand relaxed and went limp.

“I wasn’t going to let you face this alone. I already told you that.”

Riza thought he might argue with her, stating it wasn’t safe down here, but he just scoffed quietly and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Where’s Envy?” She rose to her feet and lowered her pistol but didn't loosen her grip.

“They outran me.” He turned away from her, speaking into the empty tunnel. “This place is like a labyrinth. You might as well help me kill them now that you’re here. Stay right by my side, Riza,” he ordered over his shoulder. “Don’t leave it.”

Without another word, Roy walked off, leaving her to stare after him.

That seed of doubt was putting down roots and sprouting slowly within her mind.

Riza started to walk behind him. He didn’t even acknowledge her.

“_You might as well help me kill them_”. That didn’t sit well with Riza at all.

_I don’t want to get you involved. _He’d told her that, adamant about that fact, when she’d offered to help Winry after she’d had a run in with Scar. He’d begged her to stop pushing for her own safety, as well as their unborn child’s.

_I didn’t intend for this to happen_. He’d been miserable as he reassured her of that on their couch after his meeting with Bradley. _And it was me that put you in harm’s way._

_This isn’t over_, he’d vowed after seeing that Pride had hurt her. _I swear my life on it_.

Roy had _never _wanted her to get her involved in anything relating to his work. He’d even fought to share his plans for the day with her, stating the less she knew the better. However, she’d managed to wear him down and it _had_ helped him to talk it through with someone, rather than shoulder it all by himself.

Before running off after Envy he’d even told her to stay where it was safe. That he didn’t want her to get hurt. Why would he invite her to help him kill Envy, when he knew that was the opposite of what Riza wanted him to do?

This was not her husband.

Riza lifted her pistol towards Roy’s head. She let out a quiet breath, ignoring the horrible imagery of pointing a gun at her husband, poised to kill.

He stopped, turning to half face her. His fringe was almost hiding his eyes, but his expression never changed. It was the same steely one he’d worn earlier when he didn’t lower his hand, despite realising it was her around the corner.

It was possible he was just being cautious but his command to help him kill Envy was what settled it for Riza.

Slowly, Roy turned back around and lifted his hands in surrender. “Do you know who your gun is pointed at?” 

Riza scoffed. “Who? Don’t make me laugh. When we’re alone, my husband calls me by my maiden name. A throwback, to old times.”

She heard Roy gasp, then jump away in a flash. As he did so, red sparks erupted from his body as it morphed into Envy. “_Maiden name_?” Envy scoffed. “What kind of weird marriage do you two have -?”

“I lied.”

Riza fired, hitting Envy in the face with her bullet. They cried out in pain, hurtling backwards to crash into the ground. Her stomach lurched with the impact of that first shot, very aware that she’d fired at another ‘human being’. She knew they couldn’t be killed so easily but… It was still jarring.

Just like it had been after her first successful hunt as a child.

_Fight to survive, Riza_.

Red sparks erupted around Envy’s face, healing the wound she’d just made, repairing skin and muscle insanely fast. It angered Riza that they could heal and repair themself so easily while a friend couldn’t and had been left for dead in a phone booth in the middle of Central.

“It was nice of you to fall for it though, Envy. And now you can do us all the favour of dying.”

Riza fired again and again, almost emptying a clip into the homunculus. 

“Ow! That _hurts_!” Envy yelled at her.

Something very green and sharp shot towards Riza, cutting into the skin of her shoulder faster than she could react. The arm that held her gun jerked out as she ground her teeth together against the pain. The way her body spun from the impact made the rifle strapped to her back lose its grip on her clothing and it slipped down her other arm. Riza caught it quickly, so fast that even she couldn’t believe it, but she was being fuelled by indignation and this being’s carelessness for human life, as well as adrenaline. With that combination, the rifle was caught easily.

Riza’s knees buckled with surprise and the sudden pain in her shoulder. One hit the ground painfully as she steadied herself, getting ready to fire. Despite the rough treatment and the recovery from Envy’s strike, she still managed to hit her target.

Envy’s body jerked with the hit, pushing them back a step with every single one until they dropped to their knees.

“You’re _really_ annoying with that thing!”

Furious, another bolt of green disrupted the stones beneath her feet before shooting up and racing towards Riza. She stood sharply but it was too fast to dodge. It wrapped around her entire body, sealing her arms against her body tightly. It squeezed impossibly tight, restricting her ability to breathe. Gasping for a breath, Riza’s eyes bugged open wide as she was lifted off the ground. Knowing what was coming before it happened should have helped her prepare, but she was too caught off guard. She was still recovering from the sudden lack of oxygen and the pain lancing through her shoulder. She was slammed down into the concrete, the back of her head bouncing sickeningly off the stone. There was a _crack_ as her hair clip broke and let her hair loose. The blonde strands tumbled down her back and over her shoulder, springing free from their restraint.

“I’ll dump you at his feet like a rag!” Envy cackled.

Gasping, Riza lay there as she tried to blink away the spots from her vision. They danced in front of her, but one thing did make its way into her pain addled mind, there was a quiet snap in the distance. It sounded so out of place that it caught her attention. Riza knew what that snap meant.

Envy screamed as Riza felt a sudden heat. Looking down her body Riza saw flames lick at the green appendage holding her still. They stopped far enough down that they wouldn’t harm her, but the sudden rush of flames made the skin of her face heat up.

“Roy,” she cried out, partly with relief and partly to get him to stop.

There was another snap and Envy was consumed by fire. Their screams drowned out Roy’s approach so Riza had no idea where he was.

“What in the hell are you doing to my _wife_?”

Riza’s head snapped up, blood running cold at the fury she heard in his voice. His face was like thunder as Roy stared Envy down. Glancing over at their enemy, Riza finally saw fear in Envy’s face. They were petrified. They’d made a mistake going after her and now there would be hell to pay.

“Don’t interfere, Riza.” His tone was softer as he spoke to her but that look in his eyes… His rage knew no bounds. “I told you _I_ would deal with this, and I don’t want you to get involved.”

Before she had a chance to reply hell rained down on Envy, like fire and brimstone. Roy snapped and grunting, letting out all of his fury as he sent attack after attack at the homunculus to drain their power. It blew her hair away from her face and the intensity of the heat almost made her turn away.

All Riza could do was stare. She felt numb.

_He’s going to kill them. He’s giving into that hatred._

She had to do something. She had to _move_.

Struggling to her feet was a great effort. Riza felt herself stagger. She was almost knocked backwards by the force of Roy’s alchemy and her head was still spinning from the hit she’d sustained after being slammed into the ground.

After one last ferocious blast Envy’s body started to disintegrate. It crumbled into a charred mess, leaving a tiny green creature in its place. Their voice turned almost child-like as they cursed Roy, crawling away from their own remains with tears in their eyes.

Roy approached and lowered his foot harshly atop Envy’s body. They were squashed underneath his boot, almost crushed completely. Any slight increase in pressure and they’d be dead.

Like hell Riza would let Roy do that to them.

“So this is your true form then?” The growl in his voice almost made Riza sick.

_Stop… This isn’t you, Roy… Stop it, please._

“You’re _ugly_.”

Envy whined, begging for Roy not to do it, just like Riza was in her mind.

“I don’t want to die!” Envy cried desperately, tiny limbs flailing frantically.

It was too much for her to take anymore. Catching herself on the wall, Riza shoved herself so she was standing.

“I’m not giving you a _choice_. Now burn in _hell!_”

His fingers snapped together. Riza lifted her weapon, cocking and pointing it at Roy’s head, as her heart broke clean in two.

“Roy!”

Her yell echoed around the tunnel, bouncing off the walls with such clarity even she didn’t expect it. In the lull of the explosions the world sounded eerily quiet. Roy’s quiet gasp filled it once he realised what she was doing. His body stilled, his foot easing slightly on Envy’s body underneath his boot.

“What do you think you’re doing?” His tone was harsh but genuine surprise had seeped into it as well.

“Stop this,” Riza commanded, putting as much authority into her voice as she possibly could. Her gun shook in her hand, the grip slacking. _No_. She couldn’t let herself slip now. Not after _all_ they’d already been through with this discussion. She wouldn’t let him talk to her like that either. The grip on the gun tightened. “I’ll deal with Envy from here on out.”

“Riza. Lower your weapon,” he ordered with the same authority she’d heard him use with his team at work.

Riza was no soldier and had to follow no such order. She was his wife, she loved him, and she’d made a promise that she’d watch his back and watch out for him always. He’d asked her to do that and she wasn’t about to let him down.

_If I lost myself to all of this… That’s not the husband or father I want to be. I don’t want to be a monster again._

_I choose you. I choose all three of you. There’s no contest and never has been._

He’d picked his side, that night in the darkened bedroom, and she wasn’t going to let him back out now.

“No. Put your hand down, Roy.”

He scoffed. “I won’t ask you again!” He shouted, almost startling her. He’d never used that tone with her before, never been so angry towards her like this. It didn’t even sound like her husband. The barrel of the gun quivered.

There was the sound of a transmutation and the ground beneath his foot was alchemised, disrupting their conversation. It rose up sharply to throw Roy off balance and send Envy sailing through the air. They were both startled out of their argument by the sudden appearance of Edward Elric and Scar.

Edward plucked Envy out of the air effortlessly, gripping onto them tightly with a scowl on his face.

“Fullmetal.”

Riza’s head turned sharply back to face Roy, noting how much calmer he sounded. But it was all a ruse. He hadn’t changed one bit. The fists at Roy’s side began to shake with his fury. One of his arms extended outwards towards Edward.

“I’ll be taking that.”

Edward was surprised by the request, seemingly unsure for a second. He glanced over at Riza and she shook her head the tiniest fraction.

“That is an order. Give them to me, right now!”

“No, I won’t,” Edward refused and Riza felt herself relax the tiniest amount.

With a controlled movement, Roy’s arm lowered. Alchemic energy still sparked around his gloves, a sign that he hadn’t given up the transmutation yet. He still needed to decide where to direct it.

_Not at Edward and Envy_, Riza pleaded. She couldn’t take it if he did.

“Elric,” Roy growled. “That thing belongs to me.”

“No they don’t!”

“Give them to me! Or I’ll burn up your hand along with it!” Roy’s hand twisted, pointed towards Edward.

“Roy!” she scolded, outraged that he’d threaten such a thing, and to Edward of all people too.

_He’s almost gone, Riza. Do something!_

Edward wasn’t one to give in so easily either, though. He interrupted before Riza could recover from her burst of anger. “Try it then!” he goaded, daring him.

Roy fell silent as he and Edward glared at one another in a standoff.

“Think of our children, Roy,” she commanded, trying another way to get through to him. It had worked before so she hoped it would again. Although Riza tried to keep her voice strong, one mention of them almost broke her. Her voice cracked and she was almost pleading with him as she spoke his name. “Remember what you said to me when we discussed this before. Don’t give into this,” she begged. “Remember that you’re letting go for _them_, as well as yourself.”

“What would Mia ask you to do?” Edward’s voice rang out in the tunnel, adding onto her point.

Roy’s shoulders stiffened and she heard him inhale sharply. “Stay out of this, Fullmetal,” he warned harshly.

“What would Maes ask, huh?” Edward continued on as if he hadn’t heard Roy speak. “What would those kids say to finding out their father gave into anger and hate and killed this homunculus!” Edward was spitting angry, furious that Roy was even considering such an act, but was desperate to get through to him as well. Riza could see it in his eyes. There was fear in them too. “If it were me I certainly wouldn’t want to look at you again!” Edward yelled. “You look like a monster!”

“I know I have no right to tell you what to do, Mustang, but they are correct.” Scar’s deep and calm timbre rolled through the air, settling over Riza, and making her loose another breath from her lungs. Hope swelled within her that maybe the three of them would be able to get through to him together. “You’re a father and you need to set an example. Do not cause any more death than you already have. End this cycle of hatred,” Scar snarled, “do it now. Break the chain. Otherwise you’re no better than a beast and those that have come before you. And I shudder to think what kind of world you will create after you become its ruler with all of that hatred burning inside of you. I dread to think what kind of father you will be.”

Roy’s body stiffened.

“Roy.” She brought his attention back to her. “This is not who you are.” Her voice was controlled as she steadied her weapon. She knew the Roy she loved was still within him but was buried underneath the tumultuous storm of emotions raging within. He had to be. Riza wouldn’t accept anything otherwise. 

His shoulders tensed. “Riza… I did it,” he growled. “I finally ran them down and they’re right _there._ They _attacked_ you –”

“I understand that,” she barked harshly. “I _know _you did, and I know what happened, but you’re about to do something you’ll regret here and I won’t let you. You’re better than this. I _know_ you’re better. I know the man I love, and he’s not here right now.”

His shoulders jerked up towards his ears.

“This course of action benefits _no one. _All it will do is hurt the ones you love.” Riza took a deep breath. “This is pure hatred. And I will _not_ let it take you. I already told you that. I already promised I wouldn’t let you do it!” Her cry rang out in the silent hallway.

He was struggling, teetering on the edge, but he _was_ listening to her.

“Would you really shoot me with that gun, Riza?”

Her breath caught tightly in her throat, choking her. What… What was he asking her?

His tone changed completely, along with his body language. His shoulders relaxed and he let out a long breath. He sounded calmer, that edge to his voice gone. He almost sounded defeated.

He still didn't let go of the transmutation though.

“If you’re going to shoot me, shoot me.” 

It was just a threat, really. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to kill her husband if he actually went through with this. She was no soldier, had taken no human life, and Riza wasn’t sure if she was emotionally stable enough to hit her target regardless of that.

But would she be able to live on _with_ him, _knowing_ that he’d become the monster he didn’t want to be, but had sought out that path anyway?

“Maybe not,” she admitted quietly.

She’d only been able to target Envy because she knew they wouldn’t die. That first pull of the trigger though… It was jarring, horrifying. When she’d fired a gun before it had been for food, for survival. This fight was a way to try and keep her alive, but she gained nothing from each hit. Just the sickening realisation that she was harming another living thing and gaining nothing from it.

“Maybe I can’t pull that trigger on you.” Despite the turmoil rattling her bones her voice held steady. Sorrow bled into her tone, shoulders dipping as her resolve to point the weapon at him wavered. “I couldn’t do that to you. Couldn’t do that to our children either,” she added, bile rising at the thought of taking their father away from them, regardless of their current conversation.

Memories flashed inside her mind. Roy lifted Mia high in the air, spinning her round as she giggled with glee. Maes’ happy squeals filled the room as Roy blew raspberries on their little boy’s arms, tickling him. Hayate barked happily in their garden as she, Roy, and Mia chased each other in a game of tag on the grass. Little Maes clapped his hands happily as he watched, sitting on Chris’ lap.

Riza clenched her jaw to stave off the sudden tears and keep a hold on her emotions. She wanted that Roy back. She just wanted her husband back.

“But I’m doing what _you_ asked me to do,” Riza replied with more confidence this time. “I’m watching your back. You _told_ me you didn’t want to be a monster again. Don’t give into it. Mia wouldn’t want you too.” Her voice wavered. She cleared her throat to try and shift the lump in it, but it was futile. “Little Maes wouldn’t want you to either. Neither would Big Maes.”

Roy’s head jerked suddenly, no doubt remembering their conversation in the dark in their bed. He’d held her close that night. She remembered pressing a kiss against his throat, feeling his pulse thrum beneath her lips.

“I…” The words stuck in her throat, halting her. They needed to be said because they were true, no matter how much it hurt to think about. She needed to get through to him and the hope that she could was dwindling second by second. “I don’t think I will be able to live on with you if you do go down this path.”

Roy flinched violently.

“I can’t follow you down it. Our _family_ can’t. And I refuse to leave our children behind.”

He let out a choked breath. Suddenly, Roy’s hand jerked out and with a yell, the fire torpedoed down an empty hallway, filling it with heat and his anguish.

_He didn’t do it._

Riza had never felt such strong relief in her life. A choked breath left her lungs, stuttering as it passed by her lips. Her knees shook and her pistol trembled in her hand. She almost lost her grip on it.

“I… I can’t afford to lose you. Or them. This madness… Scolded by a child and a man who was once my enemy.”

Roy turned to face her and Riza felt hope blossom tentatively at the look in his eyes. All his hatred was gone. A deep exhaustion had settled over his bones and it showed clearly in his expression. The features of his face drooped, eyes filled with so much regret and agony that Riza almost lost her breath. He was broken, defeated by himself, but he was _Roy_.

“And you.”

Tears flooded his eyes. Roy’s touch was gentle when it rested upon her gun. His hands were bare, gloves gone. Riza was unsure when that had happened, but it didn’t matter. The fact remained that he’d unequipped his weapon and taken that step away from where he was threatening to fall over the edge.

Riza watched completely mute as they both lowered the gun to her side slowly.

“It almost cost me you. I forced you to go through all of this. I pushed you away. My love,” he breathed, so quietly only she would hear. “My children. I would have lost it all.” Roy cleared his throat, dropping his gaze in shame. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he whispered. “I did it _again_. I’m such a fool,” he cursed in disgust, dropping his gaze. He turned to the side as his knees shook. He fell to the ground, finally spent, with his face hidden by his hands.

Relief made her body shudder and tremble. The pistol grew slack in Riza’s hand and dropped to the floor without her realising it. She joined him, kneeling by his side. Pain shot into her kneecaps after she fell, hitting the ground hard enough to make her wince. Her old injury with her fight with Envy flared up but Riza paid it no mind. All of her attention was focussed on the side of her husband’s head. She stared, knowing she wouldn’t be able to discern anything from it, but still looked upon those dark strands as if they would give her all the answers she sought.

Tentatively, Riza reached out. Her hand hovered before the space in between his shoulder blades. It was an action she’d done numerous times when helping him through his low points. She wasn’t sure what his mental state was. She had no way of knowing until she took the first step and made contact. Her fingertips pressed down first, lightly, before the heel of her hand kissed against his back. She watched, saddened, as his shoulders bunched up further at his ears, head dipping down. He was hiding from her.

“Roy?” Her call was apprehensive. She just wanted him to turn and look at her, give her _something_ to go on. But he didn’t.

Shifting on her knees, Riza angled herself around him so she was kneeling by his side. Her hand naturally moved to come to rest on his shoulder. She gave it a squeeze of comfort and encouragement.

“Roy, look at me,” she prompted gently.

Unable to bring himself to, his gaze remained on his feet which were crumpled underneath his body at odd angles.

“Roy.”

It was just enough coaxing. The hand that covered his eyes moved a fraction. His eyes were desolate once they made contact and barely visible as he peeked up at her through a gap, filled with shame and sorrow. 

“You didn’t do it,” she reminded him.

“I was close.” His voice was a whisper, only loud enough to reach her ears. “I - I saw you being hurt… And thought about what had happened to Hughes and –” His sigh made his whole body shudder. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in a hoarse voice.

Riza gathered him close, placing her cheek against the top of his head. Her arms wrapped around his shaking frame, bringing his face against her chest to hide him from the rest of them. Just for a moment, she wanted it to be just them, to have a tiny moment to themselves so she could get him back on his feet.

“You’re all right for now. You came back to me,” she whispered into his hair, focussing on that fact at the moment. The day was not over so everything else could be left until later when they were alone.

Slowly, hands lifted to her hips and held on. His fingers dug into her sides almost painfully. Then, the arms wrapped around, squeezing her against him. Her fingers ran through his hair as relief made them shake, thankful that for now, the worst of the confrontation was over.


	39. i'll never leave you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm quite proud of this one, ngl. and quite hype :)) i wonder why :)) hope you all enjoy!
> 
> song for this chapter: travis - closer

## 1915

** _and when i see you then i know it will be next to me_ **

** _and when i need you then i know you will be there with me_ **

** _i'll never leave you_ **

Riza hadn’t given much thought about how she would die. The concept of death had become an intense fear when she was only a child. After her mother’s death it was suddenly very real. Berthold had silenced young Riza whenever it was mentioned, being too lost in his own grief to even begin to discuss it with her, so she’d quickly learned not to bring it up again. It was never explained to her properly, so this image of death had manifested itself in her mind as a being who took away those she loved most.

Growing older, her fear had eased somewhat. As her understanding of it grew, the fear of death lessened. That had not been an enjoyable lesson at school when her teacher first broached the subject. Sitting in pure terror, young Riza had excused herself and bolted from the room. It had been too much. However, after reassuring her teacher that she was fine, it was just a stomach bug, Riza quickly learned to swallow it and cope if the panic reared its ugly head. Digging her nails into her palms sharply, not hard enough to cause any damage, but enough to jerk her mind out and away from those thoughts worked well enough. It stopped the panic from overwhelming and consuming her completely. Once leaving school, it had almost all disappeared, having been buried so far down that it was forgotten about completely.

After her father’s death the beast returned, but it was quiet. It lurked in the darkness of the shadows but after her isolated childhood and her father’s neglect it was hard for her to muster up the same grief she felt when her mother passed. Riza always thought he’d died along with her, though. His body lived on but his soul had departed when her mother’s did. It led to a difficult childhood. The thought made the skin of her back tingle as she remembered her tattoo.

After her father’s death, for the first time in a long time, Riza felt free from his oppressive and silencing presence, as well as the burden he placed upon her. She felt like her own person, and not someone shushed and hidden away by a man who was so lost to grief and his life’s work that he worked himself until he died. She was allowed to think and feel and fear. It was freeing.

Then Roy Mustang breezed back into her life though and brightened it once more, like he’d done when he was her father’s apprentice.

After marrying Roy, the thought of death niggled away inside her mind once more. After their initial six months of bliss it was a terrifying thought to lose him. She’d found someone to love and to care for and Riza didn’t want to lose him in any capacity, which was only natural, she felt, when falling in love.

Roy made it through Ishval, alive, but at a cost. After realising she hadn’t lost him to gunfire, losing him to his mental state became another beast to tackle entirely. It had been rocky, sloppy at certain moments, but they’d made it through. They’d only been young. _She’d_ still been young, barely even twenty. There was a lot of naiveté there, not to mention juggling being a new mother as well as a husband that was suffering from PTSD and struggling to deal with it. It was a lot to have been thrust upon her at the same moment, but she pushed through as best she could despite feeling like she was being pulled in so many different directions. If Riza could go back and change a few details from how it was handled, she would. Just to make it easier on them both. However, those choices had allowed them to grow, not just individually, but together. They’d made it through those tumultuous few months and come out the other end closer and more tightly knit. Despite the pain and heartache, it had been productive at the very least. Most importantly, they’d made it through.

Then everything with Maes… Again, Riza would change the way she’d worded things. She’d tell him to take a second to breathe and listen to her, rather than getting angry at him throwing accusations in her face. It had hit Roy harder than anyone because he felt responsible for Maes’ death. He’d been upset and angry, both very valid emotions for what they were going through, and they were both at fault with that big blowout. They were both grieving. It wasn’t an excuse, but they _were _only human. With that outcome, that fear of losing him to death had come rushing back, as well as losing him to himself. She didn’t want Roy to be murdered for discovering the same information Maes had. When dealing with it, the agonising time they’d found themselves in didn’t help matters, and she’d been all over the place thanks to hormones. Not their finest hour, but they’d persevered. Sitting down to a mature discussion and airing everything out had done them the world of good, despite the fallout that sparked such a deep regret inside her heart.

Every time, they’d made it through. Death and loss hadn’t come to claim them yet.

Then the Promised Day arrived.

Riza hadn’t known what to expect. She was concerned for Roy, wondering if their talk about him seeking out Maes’ murderer had been enough. In his heart, his choice may have been to remain calm and collected about it all, but until faced with that confrontation, and so suddenly too, one could never truly tell how they’d react. Roy had struggled with it. Riza could see that clearly. He didn’t want to give into his hate, but it was still there, cruelly enticing him away from her and into a realm of darkness. Envy’s teasing and mockery hadn’t helped at all, neither had the attack on her.

Thankfully, he hadn’t given in. He’d resisted. For now, in the middle of this battle, that was all that mattered to Riza. All talk and discussion of what had happened with Envy could be done afterwards when a threat to their lives wasn’t waiting around every corner.

And they needed to talk.

Roy wouldn’t look at her. Shame clouded his eyes and marred his expression. Once he’d let go of her in his desperate hug he didn’t touch her again. His hands lowered to the ground and gripped onto the stone tightly. The tips of his fingers turned white underneath his nails.

At least Edward and Scar had turned and given them some distance after Envy’s death. Riza had taken the chance for a quiet moment together to try and talk to her husband.

“Roy?”

His eyes never lifted off the ground. All he could muster was a broken, “I’m sorry.”

“Listen, Roy.”

His fingers shifted on the stone, gripping it even tighter.

Riza cupped his cheeks in her hands and slowly guided his face towards her. Well, she tried to. She was met with resistance but would not be beaten so easily. Instead, she moved so she was in front of him. Riza didn’t try to lift his head this time though. She simply kept her hands on him as a comfort. Her thumbs stroked his cheeks and she noticed him flinch slightly.

“Roy. I need you on your feet.”

No response. She could see his mind racing and the disgust in his eyes. Her hands dropped to his shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze instead.

“Colonel. We need to move.”

His eyebrows tugged downwards in confusion and his eyes flicked over to look at her, but quickly turned away. It made her chest ache that he couldn’t even look at her. Déjà vu struck, remembering how she’d done the same to him during and after Maes’ funeral. Riza swallowed, uncomfortable when the unbidden and painful memory popped into the forefront of her mind. Like him, she would persevere and help him through this.

“We can talk about this later, okay?”

Slowly, his gaze made his way up to meet hers. She gave his shoulders another encouraging squeeze and a kind smile.

“I –” His mouth snapped shut and he cleared his throat.

“Let’s get through today, all right?”

He scoffed to himself quietly, that disgust in his eyes twisting his expression too. She could see it tearing him apart within. He didn’t want to be that monster again and he’d fought it off. He’d chosen not to do it. Roy would never accept that, would think he failed, Riza knew that for sure.

“I really am no better than they say,” he muttered bitterly. “I’m a monster.”

Her thoughts were confirmed. “Roy –”

“I hurt you,” he croaked. His eyebrows tugged together to a frown. “Yelled at you when you didn’t deserve it. That’s inexcusable. _And_ I did it after saying I wouldn’t.”

Riza shook her head. Roy’s head jerked to face her in disbelief, but he was met with nothing but honesty.

“We have no idea how we’ll react in a situation until we’re in it. _Especially_ not this one.”

“That’s not good enough,” he shook his head.

“Well, they weren’t exactly playing fair either.”

“Please,” he begged her, “don’t try and make excuses for me.”

“Roy.” She commanded his attention fully and he held her gaze for longer than a second for the first time since Envy’s defeat. “I love you. And I need you on your feet. We need to keep moving forward. Don’t get stuck in the past. Not now.”

His eyes averted away briefly, but when he looked back up at her he didn’t look away. “I don’t deserve you,” Roy whispered hoarsely.

“You do,” she argued, her tone confident.

“I almost pushed you so far away that you left me. _Again_,” he scoffed with a barked laugh. “I do not deserve you at all. You deserve so much better,” he added bitterly.

“Well, I _want_ to be with you. Still do. Nothing has changed.”

He shot her another disbelieving look but Riza just shook her head in the negative.

“We can sort through this like we did before, but we can’t do it here. It isn’t safe.”

Roy let out a long breath.

“Let’s get through the day and work on finishing this. We have two kids waiting for us to come home. _Both_ of us. So I need you on your feet.”

Exhaustion was apparent as Roy lifted himself to stand. Riza latched onto his hand tightly and gave it a squeeze. He hadn’t tried to, but she wouldn’t let him pull away even if he did. Riza wanted him to know she was there for him.

“Let’s go,” he announced grimly.

Edward and Scar turned to look around, hearing Roy speak. He nodded to them both and exhaled slowly before he started to move.

They walked in silence and slowly, Roy’s grip on her hand eased over time, as did hers. They no longer clung to one another, just walked comfortably side by side. She took that as a good sign and her breathing became easier. They were moving forward again.

In her free hand, she grasped her rifle. It was not aimed or ready to fire, but it was there. It was a comforting weight and Riza was thankful for it. Her pistol had been holstered. She didn’t want to hold that again so soon. Not after pointing it at her husband’s head. That image was seared into her mind and made her stomach roil. Riza didn’t think she’d be getting over that any time soon.

_At least you never had to fire it,_ she thought. Letting out a long breath she reminded herself of that fact.

Edward started muttering to himself as they walked, head turning left and right as he looked around the endless tunnels. Everywhere looked the same to Riza so she didn’t even pretend to know where they were headed. There was no way to tell, no landmarks, just endless doorways. Envy was right, this place was like a labyrinth.

Roy shot her a tiny smile before extracting his hand from hers. His stride lengthened as he moved ahead to catch up with Edward.

“Was it this way? Or this way?”

“Are you lost, Fullmetal?”

Riza rolled her eyes at his light mocking tone. As they bickered Scar fell into step with her, silent as he watched the two alchemists.

“You two should keep quiet,” Scar scolded suddenly, “before the enemy hears us.”

She hadn’t even considered that, but from Edward’s indignant yelling, that could very well become a possibility. She shifted her grip on her rifle, moving to hold it in both so that she could be ready to fire and defend if need be.

“Scar?”

There was no reply, but his head turned a fraction towards her, signalling he was listening.

“I just wanted to say thank you for helping us back there. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to talk him down by myself.” It stung a little to admit but it was true. “I don’t know if that means anything to you. I’m not really anybody in the grand scheme of things and after what Roy did in Ishval… Well, I wanted to thank you for your kindness.”

His head turned further. Scar’s eyes were sharp as he regarded her. “Your gratitude is unnecessary.” Without another word, Scar turned and continued walking.

Still, Riza would be eternally grateful to Scar. Like she said, after what Roy did in Ishval, Scar didn’t need to assist with talking him down. His help had been invaluable, and she’d never forget it.

The group walked until finally, they came upon an open room. A man was crouched in the centre, seemingly waiting for him. Underneath his feet was a transmutation circle, drawn in white chalk. Riza gripped her rifle tighter. Roy stepped forward, partially putting himself between her and this newcomer.

“Well now,” the man said in greeting, “I wasn’t exactly expecting to have an audience. You’re going to give me performance anxiety,” he chuckled, flashing his teeth in a grin. One single tooth was pure gold and caught the light in the room, making it shine.

Edward clapped his hands and turned his automail arm into a blade. Roy and Scar readied their stances to fight, causing Riza to do the same. She didn’t like the look of this man at all. He made her skin crawl, and she was instantly alert.

“Who the hell are you?” Edward glared at him, reading his stance.

The man grinned again, his smile unsettling.

* * *

Riza’s rifle was knocked out of her hands by one of the Fuhrer candidates. She jumped back and out of the way of his advance, evading his swinging sword just in time. The man lunged at her, his expression completely blank and unchanging as he fought. He moved impossibly fast, but she managed to dodge far enough away so there was enough time for her to draw both of her pistols. The second one Roy had given her had lain dormant, but now it was time to put it to good use. Especially with the speed these men were moving at.

Breda had resupplied Roy with a weapon after he’d passed on his own to Riza, but after their fight with Envy, he’d given it to her. She understood the weight of such a request. Now she had two to train against him, should she need it. Riza vowed that would _not_ be it’s purpose and she would not let things escalate as it had done before. She was adamant about that. Plus, Roy was strong enough now, she was sure of it. 

Riza drew both pistols from their holster but only fired one, and in record time too, to hit her attacker’s sword arm. He crashed the ground but uttered no sound of pain. Riza didn’t trust him, but his form remained unmoving while his fingers twitched from the result of his wound. He didn’t get back up, just stared blankly ahead. He wasn’t dead but he was out of commission for now.

She lost sight of Roy as they fought. Riza tired quickly, just like she had after fleeing from Envy’s attempted kidnapping. Adrenaline was fuelling her but that would only last so long. Her legs were quivering already after everything she’d gone through that day, not to mention the blood loss from the wound on her shoulder. It hadn’t been deep, but it was still throbbing with pain as she moved.

As she leaped backwards to avoid another strike from a sword, Riza’s back collided with something solid, stopping her momentum. Springing away, she turned, weapons lifted and aimed, coming face to face with Roy. He smirked at her, his own hands ready to fight, but they dipped slightly once he realised who was in front of him. Behind him though, a candidate lifted his sword and aimed right for Roy’s head. Riza fired immediately behind Roy, making him cringe.

She killed him.

A bullet entered through the candidate’s skull and he crumpled in place, sword clattering to the ground. He didn’t get up or move.

_You killed him_.

Riza didn’t even think about acting before she fired. She saw the man aiming his strike to kill Roy and she pulled. There was not a moment of hesitation before pulling the trigger.

_If they threatened to kill her, kill her family, then she’d fight back. There was no question about it_.

“Riza!”

Her grip on both pistols grew slack. Riza was just staring down at the corpse before her. Roy was gone. He’d moved away – Riza thought she’d seen him lunge behind her but wasn’t sure – leaving the dead candidate in full view in front of her.

_You killed another human being, Riza._

Someone gripped her arm roughly. She jerked away on instinct when she turned, Roy was looking at her worriedly. His eyes were wide with concern and his mouth was moving but Riza couldn’t hear a word he was saying. All she heard was the roaring in her ears.

“I killed him,” she breathed.

“Riza –”

Roy disappeared from view and grunted, punching someone out her field of vision. It took Riza a few seconds to process his quick movements.

“Riza, you with me?” He was desperate as he called to her, urging her to answer him.

“I’m…”

“Stay with me, Riza,” he breathed. Suddenly, there was a heat upon her forehead as he spoke against her skin. His lips caressed it, making her relax slightly. His touch was enough to anchor her back to the present. Riza swallowed down the vomit crawling up her throat and let loose a shaky breath.

“I’m _so_ sorry,” Roy continued, “I am, but please, just stay with me.”

His arm wrapped around her shoulder tightly, dragging Riza in close to his body sharply. She gasped at the sudden movement. Stumbling slightly, she fought to regain her footing as Roy spun her away. He punched another candidate in the face, knocking him down to the floor.

“That should do fine. I suppose it’s about time we got started,” the doctor across the room finally spoke.

Riza turned to look at the doctor, returning to the world around her. He was standing now in the centre of a completed transmutation circle. Before Riza could comprehend it any further she was shoved forcefully backwards away from Roy. It broke her concentration and she hit the ground hard. Looking up, she saw Roy was almost standing over her, protecting her, as he fought his way through the onslaught of candidates.

_Snap out of it, Riza!_

She had to stand up and fight. She had to help him.

One candidate charged at Roy from the left while he was already struggling with another. He grunted and gasped, realising at the last second that he may be overpowered and beaten.

Riza fired. Twice. One shot hit the man in the shoulder, throwing him off balance so he tipped and veered off to the side. The other hit his forearm and the sword fell to the ground at the same time he did. Riza let out a breath as he remained there, grimacing in pain, but didn’t get back up.

As Roy fought off the other candidate and shoved him away, Riza stood. Once she was up she noticed the other candidates had all frozen in place, waiting for their new command now the doctor had spoken. 

“You okay?”

Riza exhaled and turned as he gently touched her bicep. Roy’s worry was evident. His question was less for her physical state and more for her mental one. She wasn’t okay. She’d killed someone, taken a life. Riza didn’t think she’d ever be okay with that. But she did promise to fight to protect her family. That guilt would stay with her for the rest of her life though, she was sure.

_The weight and consequences of any actions would be dealt with later_, she’d told herself. If only it were that simple.

“Riza?” He was desperate for an answer. He needed to know.

She gave him a tiny nod.

“Number Sixteen,” the doctor called to the room. Candidate Number Sixteen’s head turned sharply to face him. “Number Seventeen, Number Twenty-One, Number Twenty-Three, and Number Twenty- Six. Come join me.”

Five of the candidates ran over immediately, removing themselves from the fight. They stationed themselves around the circle uniformly. Standing completely still, they remained in place for their next command.

“What’s he doing?” Edward’s cry pierced the room, then he gasped loudly, staring at the doctor. Or more importantly, what was beneath the doctor’s feet.

“Now then,” the doctor grinned. “Here goes!” His hand lifted, pointing towards the sky with his fingers splayed open. In a quick movement his hand slammed into the ground, in the middle of the circle to activate it. Blue light sprang forth into the room and the force of the transmutation kicked up a wind, buffeting her hair and jacket.

The circle changed in colour, turning purple. The light in the room turned to match it and black tendrils erupted from the floor. They stretched upwards and formed tiny hands at the end, waving side to side like long grass in the summer. Once they reached the height of the Fuhrer candidates, as soon as they made contact with their bodies, the men disintegrated bit by bit. Tiny squares of their bodies floated up into the air before vanishing into nothingness. Riza watched on in horror.

Suddenly, a large eye appeared underneath Edward’s feet. Riza reached for Roy’s arm on instinct, gripping onto his overcoat tightly. She remembered her last run in with an eye that looked exactly like that. The ghostly feelings of black tendrils wrapping around her throat and squeezing tightly made her recoil instantly.

“What,” Edward gasped in terror, staring down at the large eye beneath his feet.

The same hands that had consumed the Fuhrer candidates reached for Edward.

“Ed!” Riza cried, taking a step forward, because he too started to disintegrate. His body was disappearing, bit by bit, in tiny squares.

Edward struggled in pain, trying to fight against the grip the hands had on him.

“No… Fullmetal!” Roy shouted for him, his expression matching hers. He couldn’t believe what was happening either.

“You bastard!” Edward cried before he vanished completely. The arms snaked back into the centre of the eye, which blinked and disappeared, taking Edward along with it.

“Fullmetal!”

“He disappeared.” Riza stared at the spot where Edward had been standing. She couldn’t look away. With wide eyes she was begging the ground to return him to them, despite knowing that would not happen.

“What did you do?”

Roy’s demand wasn’t answered because the Fuhrer candidates charged as one towards them again as the doctor laughed to himself. The fighting resumed once more and Riza jumped back to avoid a lunge. She fired in response, not quite catching the doctor’s response but from what she could make out, it made a chill run up her spine.

“You need not worry where he’s going,” the doctor grinned, “because you’ll be joining him soon enough.”

Blue light flickered and sparked throughout the room as transmutations were cast by Scar and Roy. Riza’s gunfire also sounded as she worked on disarming the candidates. The memory of the one she’d killed made Riza’s jaw clench tightly and her stomach twist, but she managed to put off the urge to vomit. Adrenaline and the fight to stay alive fuelled her, pushing her to keep aiming to disarm, rather than kill, if she could.

It cost her.

One candidate was charging and managed to dodge every single one of her bullets. In a last-ditch effort she aimed for his head, feeling her heart rise into her throat, but that missed too and he quickly closed the distance. In an instant she was grabbed and flipped harshly onto her back. The air was choked from her lungs after she landed and Riza gasped as pain flared up her spine. He pressed his forearm into her throat hard, restraining her on the ground and restricting her ability to breath even more.

“You bastards!” Roy yelled. “Let her go!” His arm extended, fingers poised to snap, but a sword cut through his gloves, slicing the fabric through the transmutation circle, rendering it useless.

Riza watched as two candidates grabbed Roy’s arms, pinning them extended from his body. Her eyes widened and she struggled and fought against the hold, trying to yell at them to get off him. That cost her as well. The forearm pressed further, eliciting a harsh gasp from her. She couldn’t breathe.

Painfully they lowered Roy to a seat on the ground, both candidates still armed and ready to attack him if he fought their hold. Riza’s focus was removed from him when the candidate grabbed her arms tightly to push her roughly into a seated position. As soon as his forearm was removed from her windpipe Riza was coughing and spluttering, trying to catch her breath. Her chest heaved as she wheezed loudly.

“Careful!” Roy barked, glaring at the man holding her.

Glancing over, she saw him try and shrug off the hold they had on him before his eyes met with hers. Silently, Roy’s eyes widened a fraction as he held her gaze. He was asking if she was okay. As Riza coughed, she nodded, not breaking eye contact.

However, before given a chance to properly rest she gasped in pain. The candidate’s grip on her was unforgiving and his fingertips dug into her upper arm hard enough to bruise. Once seated, his arm wrapped around her throat with no mercy. Out the corner of her eye Riza noticed Roy was fighting to get free once more.

The doctor started to clap. “All right, good!” he praised. “Just hold him there.”

Riza’s gaze snapped up at the doctor’s specific point of wanting Roy to be held in place. It also halted Roy’s struggling, now the doctor’s attention was focussed on talking to him.

“Here we are, Colonel Mustang,” the doctor announced. “I’m afraid we’re out of time. At this point, you’ve no choice but to cooperate with us.”

Roy scowled at him and Riza shifted in place. Like hell he’d agree to work with them.

“I would like you to perform some human transmutation and open a portal for me.”

“Are you serious?” Roy looked on in disbelief, just like Riza did. That idea… There was no way.

“It doesn’t matter who. A parent you’ve lost? A lover?” The doctor turned his head to grin at Riza and she shifted uncomfortably. Roy bristled too. “A friend?”

Maes Hughes’ face flashed in Riza’s mind eye.

Roy couldn’t do it. Not human transmutation. That’s what had cost Edward and Alphonse their bodies. It was dangerous. Riza may not have known much about alchemy but she’d picked up enough as a child to know that human transmutation _did not_ work, and it should never be tried. As she’d grown older, regrettably she’d come to learn just how devastating it could be.

“Or that man you were so close to. What was his name again? Hughes, right? He’ll do just fine. I’ll get things set up for you, right over here,” the doctor taunted.

“You mean… _I’m_ a sacrifice?”

Alarm bells were going off in Riza’s head. She shifted again but the grip on her was too strong. The candidate tightened his arm around her throat to stop her from moving.

“Not yet,” the doctor grinned, “but as soon as you’ve opened the portal you’ll certainly become one.”

“That’s why the Elric brothers were chosen,” Roy questioned.

“Yes, it is.”

“They told me human transmutation couldn’t be done,” Roy replied forcefully. “Why would I even try to do it, knowing it would fail?” Roy was becoming more agitated by the second and all Riza could do was watch on, struggling to breathe.

The doctor laughed to himself. “You’re right there, but all I really need you to do is open the portal and then return.”

“No! Not a chance! I won’t be your puppet,” Roy spat. “You open it yourself!”

Riza relaxed slightly. Her earlier thoughts regarding him being strong enough were solidified inside her mind.

“I told you, we’ve run out of time.” The doctor’s tone and demeanour changed immediately. He was more threatening than before and a chill ran up Riza’s spine as she watched him adjust his glasses, hiding the dark look in his eyes from her.

There was a sharp pain in her neck then Riza was falling. She wasn’t sure where the pain had come from. As she tipped over she briefly saw a sword in her line of vision but was unsure why. Had that caused her pain?

“_Riza!_”

Her head had bounced off the ground after she fell, and that second head knock of the day had made her sight blurry and unable to focus completely. Head woozy, she focussed all her brain power on her vision. 

Roy was screaming her name. She heard him, but it was as if it was from a distance. It faded in and out, which caused some anxiety for her. His voice always soothed her, and she felt like she wanted to hear it at that moment. In her gut, she knew it would help.

Riza was unable to determine _why _though. For a second, she blinked slowly and tried again to think about how she’d ended up horizontal on the cold ground. But no… It wasn’t completely cold. There was a warmth spreading on the side of her head and body, enveloping it like a blanket would. It was moving slowly though, which Riza thought was odd. It trickled further up her head and disappeared into her hair, completely encompassing only one side.

“_I’ll kill you_!”

Roy’s screaming jerked her back to reality. She gasped in pain. Suddenly, every sensation flooded her mind as the shock wore off. Her neck had been sliced cleanly. She was bleeding out and dying. They were using her against him, just like his worst nightmares, and the bastard of a doctor was almost _laughing_ about it.

She started to move. Sharp corners from the uneven stone dug into her skin roughly as she was dragged and tossed into the centre of the circle.

“Riza, answer me!” he demanded of her, but she could barely get her mouth to work. Her tongue was like lead and refused to cooperate. 

A choked breath left her lungs as she finally came to a stop. The means of delivery to her destination had not been kind, and her shoulder struck the ground hard enough to make her gasp in pain. Once the world stopped spinning Riza could just make out the sight of white chalk at the edge of her vision as it wavered. Then she saw the blood. _Her_ blood.

She was in the transmutation circle. The bastard was trying to use _her _to get Roy to perform human transmutation.

_He couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t let him!_

Anguished, desperation flooded every part of Roy’s expression. His image blurred in her vision. Riza still watched though on as he strained, wide eyed, and fought everything against him. But he couldn't escape their hold.

This was killing him.

Riza could see the tears falling down his cheeks and the way his chest heaved with his breaths. He choked, screaming once more that he would kill them for doing this to her. A violent shrug almost broke him free, but his captors quickly grabbed him once more as he called out to her, his voice cracking.

He was stuck.

And she was dying.

“Come on,” the doctor taunted loudly above her. “If you don’t hurry, your wife will be lost to you forever.”

A tear trailed down Riza’s temple, eventually getting lost in her hair. She couldn't die. She had two wonderful children to go home to once this was all over. She couldn't leave Roy all alone either. She promised she wouldn’t. They were a team.

“Ah,” the doctor continued, as if he finally realised something great, “I understand. Would you prefer to transmute your wife after she’s already died? That would be acceptable,” he reassured.

“I’m not gonna die,” Riza finally managed to choke out. A shaky hand moved to press against the wound in her neck. It was agony to talk but she had to. Riza did it for Roy. For her children. "I'm not going to leave you.”

Roy’s head perked up as she spoke, stalling his violent thrashing.

The man standing above her scoffed, rambling about immortality but Riza didn't care. All that mattered was Roy.

"Roy." Her voice was quiet, her throat scratchy. "Roy, please." She didn't want him to hurt himself, but that would be a naive request. He'd tear the world apart for her. That was a fact.

"I'm sorry." He sounded so broken, stuttering over the words. Guilt and sorrow made his chest heave as he breathed. He was breaking down further. Riza knew he would be blaming himself for this, but he couldn’t. Envy was the one who had pushed her out here, not him, and Riza had chosen to come here of her own free will. Roy would never accept that reasoning and would shoulder it all, Riza _knew_ he would, but as the doctor said, they’d run out of time. She didn’t have the time to reassure him.

Movement from above Riza caught her attention. Despite the pain ravaging her throat, she felt shock belay it when she saw the chimeras from earlier suspended in the pipes above her. The one that looked like a toad – Riza couldn’t recall his name – pressed a finger to his lips before turning to look above, back up the tunnel.

“So tell me, Mustang, what will it be? Your precious wife is about to die. If you don’t act, she’ll bleed to death. All that blood before your eyes.”

Ignoring the doctor completely, Riza returned her attention to Roy, and him alone. No one else mattered. She had a message to get across before it was too late for her.

“It’s okay,” she croaked. Her voice was raspy as she spoke, but Roy strained forward to hear every word.

"Riza–" Eyes wide, Roy pressed his lips into a thin line. He was struggling. It was clear on his face and his body was shaking. Her heart broke for him but she _pleaded_ with him not to give into it. He couldn’t do it. No matter how much it hurt, he couldn’t save her with human transmutation. Riza wouldn’t hold that against him. He had a goal to achieve for both of them. He had their children to look after too on top of that. They couldn’t be left alone.

“Remember, Mustang,” the doctor sneered, growing impatient, “I can save her life. All I need is for you to make a decision because whether you like it or not, her fate is in _your_ hands, Colonel.”

The doctor was relentless and Riza wanted to shoot him right between the eyes for it. He was being unnecessarily cruel.

“If you don’t decide, can you live the rest of your life with your wife’s blood on your hands? Could you _really_ do that? Could you abandon her to her fate and live on, _knowing_ you did nothing to even try and save her?”

Riza wanted to stand and wipe that smirk off his face, but her limbs were growing too heavy, along with her eyelids.

“Wait,” the doctor remarked, “she looks so cold and still. Perhaps she’d dead already?”

_Far from it, you bastard!_

With renewed vigour, Roy strained forward.

“Roy, please,” she gasped, noticing his effort.

It worked though. He paused. His body and face relaxed after hearing her speak.

“You don’t have to do this. Don’t sacrifice everything that you’ve already achieved just for me,” she pleaded.

Roy let out a choked laugh of disbelief. She knew exactly what he was thinking: “_How can you say something like that to me?”_ But she had to distract the doctor.

“But you _will_ do it, won’t you Mustang?” The doctor just would not give up, forcefully goading Roy further.

"I love you," Riza whispered.

Roy must have thought she was saying goodbye because his eyes grew wide, his body locking, and expression turning to pure terror.

“I’ll always come back to you, Roy,” she reminded him.

“_Well_?” The doctor demanded an answer, finally fed up with this waiting game.

Riza’s eyes moved to look up towards the gap in the ceiling where the chimeras were waiting. That was her signal. When they returned and refocused on him again, Riza saw Roy turn away from her. His entire body relaxed as he averted his eyes, his fringe curtaining the orbs Riza loved so much, hiding them from her.

"All right." 

Panic seized her. For a brief second, she was unsure of his meaning. Her breathing halted completely and the grip on her neck went slack as her strength waned.

“Good!” The doctor’s exclamation was full of triumph. “I knew you’d see reason!”

“All right, Riza. I won’t perform the transmutation!”

He hadn’t been agreeing to do it before, like she’d feared. Roy had turned away because he was full of shame while admitting defeat. It cut him deeply not to fight for her but he was trusting her. She was grateful for that.

"You won't even save your wife?" The doctor was incredibly surprised, taunting Roy, and Riza saw his shoulders stiffen. Roy’s lips parted as his teeth clenched together hard and his eyes squeezed tightly closed. "That's cold, Colonel,” the doctor remarked, but Riza didn’t particularly care for his feelings on the matter.

Riza thought Roy might snap again. His body language expressed his desire to. Silently, she thanked him for trusting her, despite the pain it was causing him.

Blinking once, Riza's vision blurred for longer than it had before. Sucking in a breath, she felt herself beginning to panic as the corners of her vision grew darker. She was fading. Her hand slipped completely from her neck. The back of her knuckles hit the ground and she could feel the digits were slick with her blood.

Riza didn't know what the chimeras above her were waiting for but she wished they would _hurry up_. She didn’t have long left and she couldn't die! She couldn't do that to her children or to Roy. Riza refused.

There was a burst of movement and sound around her, but she was unable to determine what had happened. Her brain was too sluggish as she was fading faster.

_No! She couldn't die! Not down here!_

_Fight._

Sudden heat startled her from losing consciousness. But only for a second. Riza’s eyelids were too heavy to keep open. Hands grabbed her tightly, easing her with the greatest of care onto her back. There was a sudden warmth against her cheek, and it was nice as she felt her body growing colder.

Roy... That was the only person who would be holding her so tenderly down here, Riza thought. However, it was fleeting as she was losing her grip on everything. She barely even felt him gently removing the strands of bloody hair from her face. Or stroking her cheeks, temples, and closed eyelids with his thumbs.

She started to drift as Roy screamed her name in the distance. He ordered Riza to open her eyes. To come back to him. Her heart ached, wishing she could stick to her promise of remaining by his side, but knowing she’d be breaking it. That ache swelled as she thought of her wonderful children. She’d never see them again. How she _so desperately_ wanted to. Her Mia Bear and Baby Maes. That thought brought her so much pain, but slowly that emotional pain started to dull.

Although feelings had left her, sound was still present. Roy’s sobs were still there. Riza wanted to open her mouth to soothe him, to reassure him that he would be all right after all of this, but it was impossible.

One last time, Riza wanted to tell Roy that she loved him with all of her heart. She’d tell him she was sorry to be leaving him and going back on her promise. That her decision had been made for her against her will.

Riza’s body was rocked back and forth in Roy’s arms as he cried over her. His tears lightly tapped the skin of her face, coating her cheeks and forehead in moisture and her husband’s devastation.

But Riza barely felt anything anymore.


	40. hold on to me and never let me go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the long absence, but it was warranted. hope you enjoy this chapter and that it kind of? makes up for the wait
> 
> song for this chapter: nickleback – far away

##  **1915**

** _so keep breathing_ **

** _'cause i'm not leaving you anymore_ **

** _believe it_ **

** _hold on to me and never let me go_ **

Riza was drifting away from the brown brick room as her husband’s arms rocked her from side to side. His desperate, anguished demands for her to return to him immediately were fading as darkness encroached on her mind and a heavy weight settled upon her limbs.

“No,” he choked out, so close to her ear, but so out of reach. “Riza,  _ please _ .”

It was killing her to leave him like this. She didn’t  _ want _ to, but that decision had been made for her by someone else. Riza hated it. She had so much more to  _ give _ in the world, so much more to experience with her family, and now it had all been ripped away. Roy would be left with their children all alone, and she’d never get to see them again. If she could feel anything, or react in any way, Riza would have burst into tears.

“I love you.” Those three words were filled with such defeat and grief. “From the bottom of my heart.”

It was like he was saying goodbye.

Behind closed eyelids there was a spark of light, reminiscent of a candle flickering out in a breeze. It was brief but whatever it was made every sensation and feeling come crashing back into Riza. It slammed into her roughly, almost making her gasp. If her body hadn’t been so sluggish, she would have.

Where sound had been muted and muffled before, it was loud and clear. She heard someone gasp and crackles of alchemic energy. Blue light flashed beyond her closed lids, brighter than before, as the sounds of fighting surrounded her. With eyes squeezed tightly closed, Riza returned to a painful reality. Her features twisted into a grimace, however, what was once a breath-taking agony was now just a dull ache, an occasional throb, accompanying every beat of her heart. It felt like Riza could feel every rush of blood through her veins in the injured skin of her neck.

Before she could even open her eyes, arms lifted and pulled her into a tight embrace. The pressure was intense as Riza struggled to get her bearings, causing another pulse of pain to flare unexpectedly in her neck.

“Oh, thank God.”

Although disorientated, she recognised Roy’s voice. He was by her ear as he pressed his face into her hair. A kiss was pressed against her head as relief flooded through Riza’s body.

“Careful!” a voice scolded suddenly. “If you squeeze too tight, you’ll reopen that wound!”

The arms around her loosened immediately. Riza blinked a few times to clear her vision and saw Roy looking down at her neck in horror. However, as soon as her head tipped to get a better view of him, Roy’s eyes jerked to hers. Despite his red and puffy eyes, a choked laugh left him before a wobbly smile spread across his face. Riza returned his smile with a tiny, tired one of her own and it caused all of the tension in his body to visibly fizzle out.

Slowly, and more gently, Roy embraced her, holding her body close to his. Riza relished in the comfort he always brought her as her eyelids fluttered closed. Her fingers twitched, wishing to grasp onto him in some way, but wouldn’t cooperate just yet.

“Thank you.” Roy’s voice was sincere and hoarse as he spoke to someone nearby. “I owe you one.”

A young girl smiled at him as Riza opened her eyes. She was the same girl who’d been with Scar earlier, during the initial standoff with Envy.

“Don’t mention it,” she replied with determination.

The girl’s voice sounded slightly familiar, but Riza couldn’t place it…

“Mei Chang,” she greeted cheerily. “Nice to meet you properly!”

“Hello,” Riza replied in a raspy voice. Clearing her throat didn’t shift it completely, but it did assist a little. “Thank you for your help.”

She nodded, her smile bright and happy. “It’s good to see you escaped from Envy relatively unharmed.”

Riza paused.

“From Envy?” Roy voiced the question that was floating around Riza’s mind.

Mei nodded. “In Central, in the car. I saw you run after I made them stop.”

Roy exhaled loudly and sharply at the reminder.

Her head dipped, her smile falling from her face as sorrow took over. “Envy tricked me, and I let them go.” When she lifted her head, Mei’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. “That almost cost you earlier. I’m so sorry.” Her head bowed sharply in apology.

Riza could place Mei’s voice now. She’d been the one to call out to Envy while they were all in the car, before Riza made a run for it.

“Mei?” The girl lifted her head slowly and regretfully. “It’s okay,” Riza reassured her. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’m all right.”

“But you’re  _ not _ . You were hurt!”

“And you helped bring me back,” she reminded her kindly. “I’ll be  _ forever  _ grateful to you for that.”

“Me too,” Roy interjected. “Thank you for saving her life.”

Still looking conflicted, Mei nodded and blinked away a few stray tears. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Make sure you’re careful with her!” she commanded Roy.

“I will,” Roy vowed. “I promise.” His grip tightened just a fraction as his head turned to look back down at Riza. Relief was palpable within him. It shook his arms as he cradled Riza’s body close.

“You got my signal,” she smiled tiredly.

“Of course I did.” His lips lowered to press against her forehead lightly. “We’ve been together for so long, and I’ve become quite attuned to you, remember?” His quip caused a smile to appear as Riza remembered him saying the same thing at Mia’s birthday party. He caressed the skin of her face lovingly. His thumb ran from her temple down to her chin before his hand latched on to support her weight once more. “Plus, I knew you really would kill me if I tried to perform human transmutation.”

Riza let out a quiet snort. “You bet your ass I would have.”

With tears in his eyes, Roy barked a laugh before lowering his lips to hers. He pressed hard enough to convey his relief, but gentle enough to be mindful of her injuries. After another quick peck, he pulled away. His smile wavered with his emotions, but Roy still stared down at her with adoration. The backs of his knuckles caressed Riza's cheekbone lightly, and his loving affection caused her to relax further into his arms.

“I love you, Riza.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek before hugging her tightly once more, yet still being mindful of her condition. “God, I love you," he breathed in a hoarse voice.

He couldn’t seem to let her go, but Riza didn’t mind one bit. It was what they both needed, and was long overdue after the day they'd experienced. She let out a quiet sigh as her eyelids drooped closed and her stomach fluttered. Riza took a moment to rest and get her breath back while Roy curled his body protectively around hers. It felt like she was home, lying there in the warmth of his embrace. Although it was impossible given the circumstances, she never wanted to leave that moment.

Roy's breathing evened out, the action seemingly becoming easier for him as more time progressed. Finally, he let loose a long sigh and pulled away.

“What now?” She didn’t want to be the one to break the little bubble they’d fallen into, but regretfully, the day was not over, nor was the fight.

Roy let out another breath in a rush. “We’re regrouping. We’ve got a little time.”

Slowly and painfully she was assisted into a seated position.

“Easy,” Roy murmured, hovering over her. His grip was encouraging and strong, essentially keeping her upright, however his hands trembled and shifted in place, trying to find the best way to support her further as he fretted.

“I’m okay. I’m good.” Riza sighed, feeling neck twinge as her shoulders rolled. “Any news on Edward?”

Roy’s lips pursed and he shook his head. “Nothing.”

Riza’s stomach lurched at the thought of them not knowing where he’d disappeared to. The word “sacrifice” made her shudder, and she did  _ not _ like when it was applied to Edward Elric.

She squeezed his hand in comfort. “Then we look for him.”

Roy nodded, but Riza picked up on his swallow and how he averted his eyes to the ground.

“What’s wrong?” Her blood ran cold, thinking the worst.

“It’s –” Roy sighed heavily. On the exhale, his eyes were filled with grief. “I almost lost you today. I watched you die,” Roy choked out.

Riza’s heart thudded inside her chest. Memories of Roy screaming her name, cursing those who’d hurt her, and claiming that he would kill them all for what they did, flooded her mind. He’d watched her slip away, been restrained, and unable to help or hold her close. It had broken him. She’d heard his agony, filling her ears as she slipped away from reality.

“I can’t have you being used against me.” He pressed his lips against her hairline, kissing her fiercely. Riza’s eyes fluttered closed in response. “I won’t let them,” he whispered against her skin as his voice hitched.

He'd never wanted Riza to get involved in any of this. It was highly likely he'd want to get her somewhere safe, away from the forefront of the battle –

“I almost watched you  _ die _ –” Roy choked on his own words, cutting himself off with a strangled gasp. Riza could feel his hands beginning to shake as they held onto her even tighter.

The full weight of what had transpired was finally hitting him.

“Roy?”

He didn’t seem to hear her.

“Roy,” she called louder. She lifted a shaky hand to press it against his cheek. He jumped, turning his head to face her, tears close to falling.

“I’m right here,” she reminded him. “I’m not going to die on you. I’ve got two kids waiting for me to come home. So do you.”

Roy sucked in a sharp breath.

“We’ll go home to them together,” she affirmed.

She was bundled up in his arms once more. Riza clutched at his back desperately. She clung to him, burying her face in his jacket. She never wanted to let him go. Riza needed only a comfort he could bring her.

As she moved to pull away, Roy restricted her gently.

“Pl – Please. Not just yet,” he whispered against her shoulder. His hand made its way to the back of her head, holding her tight in place. Roy's fingers tangled in her hair and it made Riza hold on even tighter. “I… I just need a minute.”

“I can give you a minute,” she breathed, swallowing the lump in her throat. Riza buried her face in the fabric of his black coat. “Take all the time you need.”

“I feel like this is your line,” Roy chuckled humourlessly. It held a bitterness that made Riza’s heart ache. Her fingers increased their pressure on his back. “But thank you for coming back to me,” he whispered into her ear.

“Always, Roy."

Shifting in place, he moved so their foreheads could bow together.

“I love you.” It was whispered like a prayer as Roy’s breath mingled and entwined with her own.

“Love you too. Thank you for trusting me.”

“Always,” Roy repeated back to her. He placed a quick kiss against her hairline, his hand cupping her cheek, before his head moved to rest against hers once more.

Returning to the present, Roy lifted his head to look around the room and assess where they were at. Riza followed suit, eyes wandering to see if everyone was accounted for.

The first thing she spied was the trail of blood leading from the circle.  _ Her blood _ . She had images of Roy dragging her fading form out of the circle, leaving a streak of red in his wake. Riza shuddered.

Scar and the chimeras were standing over the downed candidates, speaking lowly. Riza’s eyes roved over the bodies but came to a jarring halt when they settled upon the man she’d killed. Her stomach twisted and horror flushed through her body.

“How are you feeling?”

Roy’s question distracted her, and Riza felt selfish and cruel enough to be thankful for it.

_ You killed him _ .

“Sore,” she admitted after clearing her throat. Her eyes were torn away from her kill, but Roy noticed her body stiffen and the jerky movement. Of course he did.

A gloved hand cupped Riza’s cheek lightly to angle her head, so she was facing him. “You saved my life.” His eyes held no revulsion or apprehension in them, just sympathy and unfortunate understanding.

“I killed him,” she whispered. The words got caught in her throat and almost choked her.

“I know.” His tone was sombre, but he didn’t flinch away from her gaze filled with shame and disgust. “I know, and I’m so sorry it came to that –”

“Colonel?” One of the chimeras called over to them – Darius, Riza remembered. “You all right?”

Roy nodded and returned his attention to her. “We’ll discuss this.” His lips pressed against her temple. “I promise. You won’t have to deal with this alone.”

Riza winced multiple times as Roy helped her to her feet. His arm circled around her back and pulled her body close to his, taking most of her weight. With an arm braced on the shoulder of her uninjured side, they started to walk towards the group.

“Everyone, thank you for all of your help.”

“No problem,” Darius reassured. He angled his head to look around Roy, eyeing Riza to assess her condition.

Mei had disappeared from their side as she and Roy spoke, but now she skipped over to the group. “Oh wait –” She halted suddenly, looking around the floor of the room. “The stone!”

Lying among the candidates was a clear vial, filled with red liquid. However, before anyone could move, the darkness shifted.

Fuhrer Bradley.

He emerged from the shadows and bent at the waist, his movements calm and controlled, picking up the vial that Mei had been searching for.

“King Bradley,” Roy greeted, hostility clouding his tone. “His wounds aren’t regenerating,” he realised, almost speaking to himself. Riza glanced to Bradley’s arm, noticing the trail of blood.

“It’s been quite some time hasn’t it, Colonel Mustang?”

“Indeed it has, sir. I’m afraid I’d be lying if I said you were looking as good as ever.”

Riza was close to elbowing Roy to tell him to knock it off. He didn’t need to provoke Bradley further.

The Fuhrer’s eye shifted away from Roy and settled on Riza. It narrowed dangerously and she felt the sudden urge to take a step back. His stare pinned her in place, like he’d done before, and it made the hairs on the back of Riza’s neck stand on end. Roy noticed too. She was pulled tighter into his body protectively.

“Knowing that weakling heart of yours, I thought the imminent threat to your wife’s life would have made you perform human transmutation, Mustang. I would’ve thought you’d do anything to save her, but it appears that isn’t the case.”

“I would do whatever it takes to ensure her safety, and my family’s,” Roy fired back, irritated by the insinuation that he wouldn’t. Indignation flared in Riza’s chest too. “However, I made a promise and intended to keep it. I may have been reckless enough at one point, but luckily I have people behind me to keep me on the right path. I trust them,” he gave her upper arm a squeeze, “and I wasn’t about to let them down.”

Bradley continued to talk as a wave of light-headedness overcame Riza. She blinked as she tried to focus on the conversation, but it faded. The world around her was muted for a brief second.

_ Keep it together, Riza _ .

It was hard. Her knees shook but were quickly locked so she didn’t fall. Her thighs quivered with overexertion and her injuries, but she held firm. She had to.

Blinking heavily, Riza felt her body pitch forward against her will. Her arm lifted to grip onto something connected to Roy to help her remain upright, but she needn’t have worried. Roy had already caught her with a hand to the shoulder closest to him. Eyes wide, he silently asked if she was all right. Riza gripped his forearm tightly for support, giving him a tiny nod. With a shifted stance, he pulled her closer to his body and turned back towards Bradley.

“No!” There was a sudden cry from the doctor in the pipes above. Riza had forgotten he was there. “I won’t let you interfere with him!”

“Give it up Doctor,” Jerso scoffed. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Suddenly, Mei gasped from behind Riza. There was a  _ splash _ as blood reigned from the ceiling, spreading out into the stone, and mingling with her own blood. Jerso fell and crashed hard onto the floor while she turned in place to see what the sudden commotion was, and the doctor followed suit. Both grunted in pain, rolling away from the centre of the room.

“Jerso!” Zampano called to his friend, urging him to stand.

“Run! Get out of here!” Jerso’s warning made Riza’s heart leap into her throat.

“This is bad.” Darius ran over to Jerso, helping him stand so he and Zampano could move their injured friend somewhere safe.

“He’s right,” Mei agreed. “Something’s coming. Something awful.”

Riza waited with bated breath, wondering what new thing was approaching. She didn’t know if she could survive another fight; not in her current condition.

Long, black tendrils descended from the ceiling. Eyes opened once the shapes finally landed on the ground, peering into the room, with a small boy standing in the centre.

“Pride,” Riza whispered.

“Please,” Roy requested, talking over her head. She was pressed into the arms of Darius. Her head started to turn, but it was on her injured side. It didn’t move very far, and instead she had to close her eyes tightly against the sudden wave of pain. “Look after her for now.”

She mourned the loss of Roy's touch and his support, but Darius gracefully swept her up with his own strength.

There was a burst of movement but Riza barely had a chance to open her eyes to comprehend what was happening properly. Bradley was charging at Roy, who’d sprang away from them and sent a ball of flame at the Fuhrer. But Bradley was too fast. He’d leaped into the air and dodged Roy’s retaliation all together.

Riza watched in terror as Bradley’s feet connected with Roy’s torso. With the force of his jump, Bradley sent him crashing backwards onto the hard stone, Roy’s body skidding along it with the momentum. He grunted loudly in pain. Bradley’s swords came crashing down into the palm of Roy’s hands, piercing through his flesh, and pinning him in place. He let out a muffled scream, his jaw clenched tight as his eyes widened. They were fraught with suffering and pain.

“Roy!” The cry was ripped from Riza’s throat before she could think. Her whole body tensed. Everything locked in place as she watched, unable to tear her eyes away from Roy’s hands. She saw the sword poking through the back of his palms as his body heaved with pained breaths. Riza immediately felt like she wanted to vomit, but her body wouldn’t move or react.

A shadow lashed out at her, causing Darius to lift Riza off her feet so they could both jump backwards. More distance was put between them and that was the opposite of what Riza wanted.

Now she knew how Roy had felt just a few minutes ago.

Her legs and feet weren’t cooperating. She wanted to run to him, to shoot the bastard pinning him to the ground through the palms of his hands. Even if she could get her legs to work, Darius would never let her go. His grip on her upper arms was too strong.

Pride stabbed the doctor through the chest. The sudden cry of disbelief and pain managed to pierce through the fog inside Riza’s mind. Inky black tendrils wrapped around the doctor, covering his mouth to silence him. As Pride did so, at the same time underneath Roy, a circle formed.

_ A transmutation circle. _

“Well, Colonel Mustang, it looks like you are our fifth.”

“That’s right,” Bradley added, “the last one.”

Pride smirked to himself as he watched the doctor squirm, but his expression quickly turned back to cold and calculating. He was nothing like the young boy she’d spoken to in the university, months prior, who’d been so excited to meet the wife of the Flame Alchemist. When Riza had first met Pride, not Selim, she’d never seen him, only felt the threatening presence of his black tendrils around her throat. It was unsettling to know this homunculus had been hiding beneath the surface of that innocence, performing so perfectly with the face and personality of a young boy all this time.

Roy’s eyes widened in fear as blue light filled the circle, reaching high into the air above him. The doctor, wrapped up in Pride’s tendrils, was moved above Roy as he writhed inside them, his cries muffled.

“I was really hoping we wouldn’t have to resort to this but there is no choice. We’ve run out of time now,” Pride announced coldly.

“Whether you like it or not, we’re going to force you to open the portal, Mustang. Prepare yourself.”

“No, I won’t do it!” Roy grit his teeth together as his jaw clenched tightly in pain. His eyes briefly squeezed closed as Bradley leaned over him further and put more pressure on the blades. He must have shifted them a fraction.

“As I said,” Bradley replied coolly, “it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to. Pride has just assimilated an alchemist who possesses knowledge of human transmutation. He has the necessary formula.”

Pride’s tendrils lifted from the ground wrapped around Roy’s neck. He grunted as they secured themselves and Riza inhaled sharply as she watched, remembering how they’d felt on her skin months ago. The blue light was getting brighter and another wrapped around each of Roy’s ankles and across his stomach, securing him in place for their plan.

“He’s safely pinned, move back, Wrath. Now.”

Bradley stood and walked calmly away, as if he were taking a stroll down the street, not condemning a man to an unknown fate.

Riza stared at her husband lying in the middle of the transmutation circle. She couldn’t move. Couldn’t  _ breathe _ . They were forcing him to open the gate against his will.

_ The bastards _ .

He was stuck. The tables had been turned on them completely, and now she was the one who was unable to help him, as he was trapped and about to be harmed.

Roy’s chest heaved as he breathed. His hands shook against his restraints, fighting it, but Riza knew all too well how futile that fight was. He wouldn’t escape from Pride’s hold.

The muscles in her neck shook as her head turned due to her distress. It felt as though they were creaking as she did so. Riza’s eyes moved to Roy’s and they met for a brief second. He inhaled and they widened, his eyebrows turning upwards helplessly.

His eyes were filled with terror.

“No…” she whispered, not removing her gaze from his. She couldn’t.

Bradley coughed twice, lifting a hand to his mouth as he partially turned back to look at Roy.

“I wonder… What will be taken from  _ you _ in exchange, Colonel Mustang?”

The bastard almost  _ smirked _ .

The light grew to a crescendo and Riza had never felt more helpless in her life as Roy screamed. It was nothing like Riza had ever heard before, or ever wanted to hear again. It cut right through her, leaving her winded. It shook Riza to her core.

Everyone turned away from the transmutation, the light too bright for their eyes to handle, but not Riza. She couldn’t. Her husband was being forced through the gate, into the unknown, against his own will. Edward and Alphonse flashed into her mind. Edward, losing an arm and a leg to this same transmutation. Alphonse, losing his  _ entire body _ .

_ What would Roy lose? _

“ _ Roy! _ ” His name was torn from her throat as the transmutation reached its peak, the sudden brightness blinking out in a flash. It left a ringing in her ears, along with the echo of his screams, but Riza didn’t even notice. Her eyes were impossibly wide, tears springing to her lids, because Roy was no longer in the centre of the circle.

He was gone.

Riza’s mouth never closed. She wanted to vomit, could feel it stirring up inside her stomach and begging to be let loose onto the floor below, but it didn’t. Completely frozen, her mind didn’t want to comprehend what she was seeing. He couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t disappear.

But he had.

* * *

Darius had lowered Riza to the ground gently and remained close by as everyone involved in the coup regrouped. He was obviously worried about her mental state but Riza didn’t have it in her to reassure him, or anyone else. She was exhausted. She was completely uneasy, not knowing what had happened to Roy or if he was okay. Bradley had assured he was alive, but at what cost? It made her heart ache the more she thought about it.

_ What would he lose? _

She was supposed to have been watching his back, but he’d been hurt. He’d been taken. Riza knew she was no match against a homunculus, never mind two, but still… She’d made a promise to look out for him. As worn down as she was, that tiny detail was weighing on her most. She should have fought  _ more _ . She should have pulled out her gun and shot Bradley like she’d so desperately wanted to - 

Her eyelids fluttered closed. A single tear threatened to escape and fall down her cheek. Riza ignored it. Anxiety and terror were creating a dangerous cocktail of emotions within her, alongside her overall fatigue, and refused to let up. Riza knew they wouldn’t until there was some news. She’d take  _ any _ news at this point. Whatever Roy had paid as a toll, they’d work through it. So long as he was alive, that was enough for Riza at the moment.

Riza felt numb right up until there was the sound of shaking beneath her. A deep rumble filled the air, cutting through her chest uncomfortably, as loose stones shook with the vibrations beside her. Riza was shielded from debris as a young man burst forth from the ground, continuing his journey up towards the surface, unbothered by those beneath him. Riza had watched on, hopeful for news about Roy, Edward, about  _ anyone _ who’d been taken as a sacrifice. Her heart leapt into her throat as she watched the newcomer ascend through the gap in Darius’ arms, but no news arrived.

Once it had stopped, there was silence, and it settled heavily on Riza’s heart once more.

“Are you okay?”

Riza glanced up at Darius and gave him a tired nod. He was unconvinced, but he reassured he’d be right back after checking on everyone else. The ground was still trembling, causing Darius to lose his balance twice as he quickly approached the group to find out what was happening.

“Izumi!”

Startled out of her reverie, Riza glanced over to see Sig Curtis embrace his wife, who was standing on a tower of stone in the shape of a hand. Behind her, sat –

_ Roy. _

He was on his knees, staring at the ground. He looked… Riza couldn’t tell. Sig blocked her view before she could determine his expression. Riza’s posture straightened as she tried to lean around them, but it was futile. Her neck protested painfully at the sudden jerky movement.

Izumi asked her husband to look after Roy, and Riza watched as Roy’s brow furrowed in concentration while Sig helped him stand. Upon first glance he was fine physically. There were no lost limbs or visible injuries on his body, apart from a few scrapes on his face. Riza let out a shaky breath of relief.

“Roy!”

“Riza?” Roy’s head perked up immediately and turned in her direction.

Sig murmured lowly, indicating he should step down onto the ground. Roy’s steps were hesitant and clumsy. Did something happen to his legs? Why was he –?

Realising what was wrong, her elation faltered. His eyes… They were no longer that rich, dark colour she loved so much; the same eyes he shared with their daughter. They were muted in colour, almost grey.

“Are you there?” Roy’s head swung from side to side, searching for her agitatedly, but his eyes were unfocussed… unseeing…

_ Why couldn’t he see her? _

“Over here, Colonel,” Sig answered.

Sig lowered him to the ground gently before Riza, who promptly threw her arms around his neck. She felt him jump in fright, but Roy relaxed immediately when he realised who it was. His hands lifted to wrap around her torso as his face was buried in the crook of her neck, on her good side. Riza heard him take a deep breath as she clutched at the back of his head, holding him as close as she could. The exhale tickled her skin, warming it, and Riza was thankful to be able to feel such a thing.

“You’re okay,” she gasped in elation. She pressed her face into his shoulder, grateful for that fact. With every trip to the gate a toll must be paid, Riza knew this, but for now, it was enough to see him walking, talking and visibly unharmed.  _ He was alive _ . Whatever had been taken, they’d work through it together.

“I’m all right,” Roy reassured quietly, giving her a tight squeeze in their embrace.

“What happened?” Her lips were right by his ear, so she spoke softly enough for only him to hear.

Roy stiffened underneath her touch and she felt another sigh against her skin.

“I went through the gate.” It was mumbled against her skin, the vibrations tickling her. “I saw Truth. I…”

“What is it?” Her urging was gentle, but anxiety and fear were churning up inside her stomach painfully as anticipation lifted the hair on her arms.

“I lost my eyesight. I’m blind.”

Riza pulled away in shock, blinking at him, and resting her hands upon his shoulders. Roy's head tilted downwards, his fringe falling over his eyes. When it lifted, his expression was one of determination.

“Blind?”

“Riza, what is the extent of your injuries?”

She blinked at him, then her expression crumpled with the weight of everything they'd been through. “What is the extent of  _ yours? _ Please, just worry about yourself for  _ once _ in your life –!”

“Riza.” His command cut her off, but it was not harsh. “Are you okay? Can you still fight?”

Being caught off guard by his question made Riza pause. The only indication of his anxiety about her answer was the tightening of pressure on her forearms. He’d rested his battered palms there, but Riza started to feel the trembling of his fingers as his concern grew.

“I’m fine,” she replied.

As an afterthought, it didn’t occur to her that he was so worried because he couldn’t see for himself how she was doing physically. He was already on high alert, having her here in the first place, but now, rendered blind and unable to watch her back, he was no doubt feeling increasingly uneasy.

“Can you help  _ me _ fight?” He softened his tone for her, asking for her assistance. “Can you be my eyes for me?”

“Always,” Riza nodded, ignoring the ache in her neck as the muscles were agitated. “Of course I can. I’ll watch your back,” she affirmed, pressing her palm against his cheek.

“Now, hold on a sec,” a male voice interrupted from above them. “You two are injured. You need to stay down here and out of the way,” Greed argued.

Riza grasped Roy’s wrist tightly as well as his elbow, lifting him from the ground to stand. Once upright, he rolled his shoulders and turned in the direction of the homunculus, Greed. His eyes closed as he spoke, and it made Riza’s heart ache as she watched.

Her feelings regarding his newfound blindness were a mess, a cocktail of dangerous things barrelling around inside of her chest and stomach. She still didn’t even know how  _ he _ felt about it. But, they still had a fight to finish. They had to win. For the country’s sake and for their children’s future, they must step up. Emotionally dealing with her husband’s new condition could be compacted neatly into a box and shelved for later once she knew they were safe.

“I need her help to control the flames so I can burn up Father’s philosopher’s stone,” Roy argued, his tone absolute. He was not going to give in, and Riza wouldn’t either. “We’re a unit and we’ll deal with this,” he waved a hand at his face haphazardly, “together.”

Greed glared at him, and Riza dared the homunculus to argue with them, but eventually he scoffed and backed down.

“Suit yourself,” he muttered petulantly with a wave of his hand, walking off.

Roy’s shoulders, that had been tensed, relaxed downwards by a considerable amount. A breath was let loose and Riza watched closely, noting how exhausted he looked. The grazes on his face hadn’t broken the skin enough to draw blood, but they still looked like they’d been painful. Roy’s head tipped downwards to the floor as he took a quiet moment to recentre himself.

Stepping up, Riza gently looped her fingers around his wrist. Ideally she would have gripped his hand hard and not let go, but not with those injuries. Roy jumped at the initial contact again, Riza noted forlornly, and he recoiled away from her touch in unease. He turned towards her, eyes open and searching.

“Sorry,” she apologised quietly, retracting her hand.

“Riza?”

Forgetting herself, she nodded as an automatic response. “It’s me,” left her lips in a hurry, amending herself.

Relief settled upon his shoulders, dragging them downwards once more and Roy cracked a smile. His eyes closed as his hand lowered to his side and extended outwards slightly, towards her. Taking that as an invitation, she circled her fingers around his wrist.

“ _ I’m _ sorry,” Roy replied. “This will take some getting used to.”

“There’s nothing to apologise for,” she reassured, “and I’ll be right by your side.”

“Thank you.” His smile broadened and his expression softened completely.

“Ready?”

Chest heaving with a sigh, Roy nodded as he let it loose. Determination settled in and she couldn’t have been prouder. “I’m ready.”

“Let’s go,” she whispered, giving his wrist an encouraging squeeze.

One of Roy’s hands found her hip. The other lifted into the air with hesitation, ending up hovering in empty space. Realising his intention, Riza guided his hand over to her cheek, and Roy smiled his gratitude. His thumb stroked the skin of her face gently, making sure he avoided touching her with his bloody palm. Slowly, he tried to gauge the distance between them and moved forward to kiss her forehead. Riza’s eyes fluttered closed as he did so. He ended up slightly off centre and almost bumped into her, but Riza didn’t care. None of that mattered.

It would take some getting used to, but they’d do it, just like they did with everything in their lives. Together.

“Let’s finish this,” he breathed against her skin.


	41. welcome to the future it's a new day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time to wrap up the promised day. hope you enjoy!
> 
> song for this chapter: bon jovi - we don’t run

##  **1915**

** _i'm not afraid of burning bridges_ **

** _'cause i know they're gonna light my way_ **

** _like a phoenix, from the ashes_ **

** _welcome to the future it's a new day_ **

The fight against Father was not what Riza had been expecting. Roy had briefly described the situation as they were lifted into the sky by his alchemy – that they needed to drain Father’s Philosopher’s Stone and the many lives contained within it in order to beat him. Numerous souls being trapped inside one man was unfathomable, however after learning about homunculi, “world ending” plots, and one being’s desire to become God – however briefly that had happened – Riza didn’t think it was too far out the realm of possibility at this point in the day.

Riza had been Roy’s eyes, guiding his attacks and gauging distances for their target. She let him know what was coming their way and when to defend against it. It had been difficult as her vision wavered with exhaustion, but Riza pushed through. With a quick slap to her cheeks to perk herself up, Riza forced herself to keep it together and continue fighting.

After a rather large stream of fire from Roy, Father sent it back their way with no mercy.

“Incoming attack, dead ahead!”

Roy clapped his hands and dropped like a stone, slamming them into the ground. Riza kept her grip on his shoulder, so her body jerked as he moved, but managed to maintain continuous contact. After the sharp movement her head spun, and a burst of light-headedness almost overwhelmed her. Through the fog in her vision Riza saw a wall of stone pop up from the ground as a shield. It sent the incoming flames off their path, dispersing them around and away from them.

“Nicely done,” Riza complimented, feeling relief relax her shoulders as the force of the flames stirred her hair and loose jacket. She hadn’t even had time to explain what was coming, but Roy had saved them both, as well as Major Armstrong, from being consumed by the fire.

Roy smirked and thanked her, remaining low. Once Father’s attention had been diverted away by someone else, Riza patted his shoulder twice, indicating they were about to move. Wearily, Riza steadied herself with a hand against Roy’s chest and one on his shoulder.

“You okay?” He picked up her slight sway before they started to move, as well as how hard she was gipping onto him. It was much needed to keep her upright. He was a pillar of support that kept her moving forward.

“Fine,” she nodded, starting to move.

Riza guided them around the wall of stone, so they’d have a clearer view of the fight. Roy’s arm slid around her back, holding on as tightly as he could. More support. As they walked, he assisted with keeping her upright while she assisted with keeping him on a safe path. They worked together fluidly ducking out of the way so Major Armstrong could demolish the wall with an enthusiastic yell and alchemise it himself, turning it into an attack.

“Are you really okay?” Roy prompted her again. It was not out of disbelief towards her, but probably fear of the unknown in his current state.

“Tried, but okay,” Riza reassured. “You don’t trust me?” She made sure to pat his chest affectionately and keep her voice light so Roy could hear she was only joking, as a means to lighten the mood.

“On the contrary, there’s no one I trust more.” He faltered as Riza tugged him gently to the side, prompting him to sidestep to avoid a large stone. “That’s why I asked you to be my eyes, after all.”

Riza angled her head to look at him, smiling.

“However, I know what you can be like, Mrs. Mustang,” he teased. The corners of his lips tugged upwards slightly in a smile.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Her quip was quickly forgotten and before Roy could open his mouth to reply, Riza pulled him up short.

“Debris, incoming! From the left. Fifty feet in the air.”

Roy clapped and dropped low again without missing a beat. Riza followed him, crashing painfully onto the concrete as her knees almost gave out. Both palms hit the gravel, scraping her skin roughly as it bit into her skin. Darkness consumed her as a sheet of stone rose up and covered their heads. It extended far over their bodies, much larger than was necessary, however, Riza appreciated it, nonetheless. There was the sound of gravel as it rained down upon their shelter, followed by a loud  _ thud _ above them. Riza looked over, noticing Roy’s drawn expression and how he cringed at the loud noise. She tried not to think about how and where that could have hit them if she hadn’t noticed it in time.

“Are we okay?”

“Wait here.” She squeezed his shoulder as she passed by, crawling towards the edge of the shelter he’d made.

“Riza?”

It was much larger than she realised, and it took a while to reach the edge, especially in her tired state. Her muscles protested and shook as she moved along the concrete. Sharp stones bit into her palms, irritating her skin.

“ _ Riza _ ?” Roy prompted her a second time, impatience and concern clouding his voice.

“I’m fine,” she called over her shoulder. “We’re fine. The shelter’s a lot larger than anticipated. I’m still crawling to the edge.”

Looking out, Riza found they were safe. Her tired legs quivered as she fell to the side and sat on the ground, before shuffling back over to Roy.

“I made it too large?”

“After that thud we heard, nothing could be too big,” she reassured.

“I suppose you’re right,” he chuckled.

“The expanse was much appreciated,” Riza reassured, placing a hand on his back. “Head straight forward. You’re safe and there’s nothing in the way. Just stay low so you don’t bang your head.” The ceiling above them wasn’t too low, however, she didn’t need to add a potential concussion onto their already too long list of injuries.

She eased herself out after Roy. A heavy hand was placed on the roof of the shelter to help Riza lift herself to her feet.

“What’s our next move?”

“Everyone’s attacking with alchemy,” Riza explained as she looked around the battlefield. “They’re draining Father’s power, but they need more.”

“Then let’s give them more,” Roy smirked.

She nodded. “I’ll give you the signal.” Riza grasped his elbow and turned Roy so he was facing Father directly. “He’s dead ahead and unmoving.”

“Do I need to hold back?”

“No,” she replied firmly, giving his elbow a squeeze. “Give the bastard all you’ve got.”

Roy snorted, muttering it would be his pleasure as he wrapped an arm around Riza’s waist. She rested her hand on his chest, moving the other to his lower back, sliding it underneath his uniform jacket, as she watched for an opening.

Another round of shells and a boulder hit Father’s shield but didn’t pierce through. Izumi transmuted the ground to rise up, high into the air, forming a cone around his body. Father didn’t move, didn’t react. He remained still.

“Now, Roy!”

The fire burned so hot and so bright that Riza took an instinctive step back. Her eyes screwed up after the blinding flash of flames. As the light eased the fire became a violent vortex inside Izumi’s transmuted cage, towering high into the sky. Embers fluttered on the wind across the battlefield as everyone cringed, taking brief cover from Roy’s alchemy.

It still hadn’t been enough. Riza’s stomach dropped.

Nothing was enough.

Except…

The attacks continued and Riza watched on as Edward approached, almost striking Father in the head with a well placed kick. However, Father had to block Edward’s leg physically, rather than using his shield.

“Anything?” He was hopeful, but Roy’s tone was still reserved as he asked for confirmation on his attack.

“It hasn’t been enough, but –”

Edward was thrown off to the side, landing in a heap painfully after he rolled to a stop. Riza’s heart jumped into her throat and her grip on Roy tightened as she feared for the teen and his safety. He’d already lost his automail arm, thanks to Father. She didn’t want him to lose anything else.

Black tendrils of smoke started to escape from Father’s mouth. He clutched his head, body bowing forward and writhing in pain.

“He can’t keep the power of God he claims to have in check anymore!” Hohenheim’s cry echoed around them as Father continued to struggle to keep a hold of his power. Red sparks jumped around his body as they all stared in disbelief and horror. An eye appeared inside Father’s mouth, staring out at them all.

Father screamed as the light reached a crescendo. A pulse of energy pushed out from his body, blasting back everything in its path. People went flying into the air with a cry and Riza didn’t even have time to warn Roy of what was coming when it hit. Their grip on each other loosened with the surprise of the sudden attack, as they were knocked back in the shockwave of energy.

Riza hit the ground painfully, landing on her back. The wind had been knocked out of her, causing her to gasp and desperately try to refill her lungs with air. Rolling onto her uninjured side as she coughed, Riza searched for Roy. He’d landed a few feet away from her.

“Riza?” Roy coughed as he lifted himself slowly to his knees with a groan. His expression was twisted into a grimace of pain and his back was hunched over, his body curling inwards as his arm clutched at his stomach. “Riza!”

She couldn’t even reply to him. She tried, but still felt like she couldn’t breathe. Roy started to crawl in her direction, following the sound of her heaving breaths. His arm never left his stomach as he moved and his shoulder dropped every so often, giving out underneath his weight.

“I’m okay,” she tried, but it was nothing more than a croak in between gasps.

Roy’s hand reached for her calf, which he clamped onto immediately. He ran it up to her hip, over her waist, then to her shoulder.

“Riza?” His hands fretted over her, his expression pulled into deep concern.

“I’m fine,” she finally managed.

Roy’s hand slid up to her neck, his touch gentle as his thumb stroked her cheek.

“The wind was knocked out of me.”

“Apart from that, are you all right?”

Riza grimaced as she assessed her injuries. Nothing felt too hurt or out of place. Her back hurt from the impact but that was it. “Sore back,” she revealed, “but it’ll be okay.”

“Do we have time to take a minute?”

Riza glanced around, noticing others rising to their feet slowly and nodded, a movement which Roy felt. “We do.”

“Easy,” he soothed.

Her elbow supported her weight as she shifted to a half-seated position. Roy’s hand moved to rest on her back, taking some of her weight, but the arm across his stomach remained in place.

“Are you okay?” Her breath left her in a wheeze as she tried to speak louder.

He grimaced. “My old wound is playing up. I think I landed on something, but I’m not entirely sure.”

“Let me see.” Riza shifted and sat up properly to take a look at him. Gently, she pried Roy’s fingers away. “There’s no blood.” She looked back in the direction of where he’d landed. There was some gravel littering the ground accompanied by some larger stones. “It looks like it might’ve been a stone. Something blunt, but solid.”

“It certainly felt that way,” Roy chuckled, but it was pained.

They helped each other to their feet before they were halted by a chilling call.

“Al, no!”

Riza’s head snapped up in alarm as she heard Edward’s cry.

Lying on his back, Alphonse’s arms were raised into the air, where he clapped. That one clap seemed to echo around the whole area, signalling a finality that Riza didn’t particularly understand but could definitely feel.

Blue light consumed Alphonse completely, expanding outwards, however, this was much gentler than Father’s had been.

“ _ Alphonse _ !”

Riza looked on in disbelief and with fear, after hearing Edward’s anguished cry.

“Was that –?” Roy never even finished his sentence and Riza didn’t think she’d be able to reply to him anyway, because Edward Elric miraculously had his arm back. The automail was gone. He surged forwards and ripped the rebar from his arm, attacking Father without mercy.

Everyone cheered him on, urging him to keep fighting. A true show of moral support for the teenager who was squaring up against the one person who had tried to kill every single one of them.

“Edward!” Riza offered her own cry, urging him onwards to beat Father. Her heart was in her throat, thinking that he finally had a chance to stop this, to put an end to Father and his scheme. Her pride for him surged inside her chest, wishing, and hoping that his alchemy attacks would be enough to stop him once and for all.

“Fullmetal!”

Riza turned to look at Roy. He was looking in the direction of the fight, but all he had to go on was the yells around him. She gently placed a hand in between his shoulder blades, rubbing his back slowly.

“Riza, what is it?” His head briefly turned to acknowledge her presence but returned to face ahead, towards the battle. “What’s happening to Fullmetal?”

“He’s fighting Father,” she relayed. “It’s a fist fight. Everyone’s cheering him on.”

“Is… Is he winning?”

“Looks that way,” she confirmed, almost hesitantly, in fear of jinxing Edward’s chances.

“Do we need to assist?”

“Not right now. But we’ll stand by.” Riza stepped closer to him, moving her hand to his shoulder as Roy wrapped an arm around her waist. She leaned on him for the moment, giving herself a brief moment of rest.

Riza watched as Edward Elric struck Father again and again, until finally, Father was beaten. After a powerful strike to his stomach, red streaks escaped from Father’s new body made of carbon - thanks to Greed’s sacrifice. What seemed like thousands of souls raced into the sky above, dissipating the higher they climbed, until they were gone. Father staggered before dark hands sprang forth from the hole in the centre of his torso. He screamed in desperation as he fought against their restraints, but there was nothing he could do. The small hands consumed his body whole, leaving nothing in their wake. He winked away into nothingness.

The world was silent as everyone basked in Father’s defeat.

“Did he beat him?” Roy’s voice was quiet as he voiced the question. The arm around Riza tightened its grip a fraction as he waited for an answer.

“Yes…” Wonder clouded Riza’s tone as she was suddenly flooded with relief.

It was finally over.

There was movement around Edward as people began to approach him. His father was speaking to him, but Riza didn’t know what about. With an anguished cry, Edward looked over towards her and Roy. Riza wasn’t sure what he was searching for in that moment – they were too far away to make out any distinct conversation – but Riza trusted him. She nodded once in encouragement.

Whatever he needed to do, she’d support it.

“What’s happening?”

Riza didn’t want to tell Roy, to reveal what sacrifices had been made in order to defeat Father, but she couldn’t keep the truth from him.

“Alphonse… Al is… gone.”

“Gone?” Roy was immediately alarmed. His body tensed.

“He – He sacrificed himself and returned to the gate. I don’t think he’s bonded to his armour anymore.” That thought terrified Riza, but she exhaled slowly, willing herself to remain calm. Alphonse was incredibly smart and would have known what he was doing. She placed her trust and faith in him, as well as his brother, knowing what they were capable of.

“ _ What _ ?”

“Come on,” she encouraged, sensing Roy’s anxiety. “Let’s go over and see them.”

Roy’s feet were moving immediately, walking forwards with purpose and confidence. Once Riza had caught up she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder before sliding it down to his elbow. Carefully, she guided him around the debris and breaks in the concrete.

Edward was sketching something on the ground by the time they arrived. The piece of rebar scraped along the stone, sometimes catching, and squeaking horribly enough to make Riza wince.

They were both silent as Edward drew a transmutation circle.

She didn’t particularly want him to go ahead with it. After hearing Edward being referred to a sacrifice and his disappearance, she just wanted him to be safe… But Riza trusted Edward and his abilities. He knew more about alchemy than she did, and knew his ultimate goal was to get his and Alphonse’s bodies back. Whatever he had planned, it would work towards achieving that, Riza was sure.

After a flash of light, Edward was gone. Riza tried her hardest not to panic. This was the second time Edward had gone to the gate and with Riza’s own personal experience of someone going to the gate, it was not one she wanted to witness again or wish on anyone else.

The payoff, despite Riza’s fears, was certainly worth it.

Another flash had her shielding her eyes, but when they opened, Edward, and his brother Alphonse –  _ not _ in a suit of armour, but in a real, human body – were sitting before them.

“What happened?”

“It’s… It’s Alphonse. He’s…” Riza blinked at the grinning face of the young man before her.

“He’s  _ what _ ?”

“He’s back in his body.” The smile that spread across Riza’s face almost split it in two. Slightly dazed still that she was finally looking upon Alphonse Elric in the flesh, Riza slid her hands underneath Roy’s black overcoat. His arms lowered from her body automatically so she could remove the piece of clothing from his shoulders. “I need your jacket.”

Roy didn’t protest and proceeded to shrug himself out of it.

She stepped forward and held it out to Edward. He paused as he gazed upon his brother’s face and turned, showing Riza everything she needed to know about how elated he was to see Alphonse in the flesh again. His eyes were filled with tears, but they never fell. His grin wobbled on his face as emotion overwhelmed him, but when he set eyes on Riza he inhaled sharply, sucking in a breath as he tried to compose himself.

“Here,” she offered warmly. Riza gave Edward a proud smile, handing over Roy’s jacket.

Edward took it gratefully and wrapped it around Alphonse’s small form. It dwarfed him, but it was  _ him _ . It was Alphonse.

They’d done it.

Those two kids had really done it.

Riza laughed quietly to herself as she slipped her arm around Roy’s back. She placed her head on his shoulder as she held him, blinking away tears.

Roy pressed a kissed to the top of her head “Is everyone safe?” His question was quiet, spoken in a breath so only she could hear him.

Riza nodded against him. “They’re okay.”

Alphonse laughed and Riza felt Roy’s head jerk up as he listened carefully, recognising the sound and noticing how it wasn’t distorted by hollow metal.

“They’re both back.”

* * *

In the aftermath of the battle, those who were well enough to keep working assisted with assessing and moving the injured. Both Roy and Riza were ushered into a hastily thrown up medical tent so they could finally be seen to about their injuries.

Roy sat on a chair by her bedside. Both of his elbows rested upon his knees and his head was down, facing the floor, as they waited for a medic.

She’d been given priority status. Being a civilian was a pain because Roy could pull that excuse and get Riza help faster than anyone else. No one wanted to argue with the man who’d successfully staged a coup either, so the urgent request was undisputed. Riza huffed quietly to herself. There was no doubt in Riza’s mind that her injuries were serious - she was well aware of the fact she’d almost  _ died _ today - however there must have been others who needed immediate medical attention before her. She’d seen the result of the fight with her own eyes, seen the bodies. Riza would feel guilty taking up a space in place of someone who needed it more.

There was no use in arguing with Roy though. Once sitting on the cot assigned to her, Riza had removed her jacket as instructed by the trainee medic and pulled aside her shirt as best she could, exposing her injured neck to the world. Roy had fumbled to find her shoulders once she was settled and gently pushed, urging her to lie down. Automatically her mouth had opened to fight it, to insist she was okay and could manage, but his brow had been furrowed with such deep concentration as he felt out the dimensions of the bed with his foot – probably worrying he’d push her off the edge – that Riza just situated herself on it comfortably and lay down.

Lying there, her head spun often. The blood loss was hitting her in waves and hard enough sometimes that it made her whole world blur. However, she fought the urge to let her eyes droop closed like they so desperately wanted to. Roy had asked her to be his eyes and losing consciousness would mean that would disappear for him. She didn’t want him to be left alone.

A sigh left her husband making Riza’s head turn on the bed. It didn’t move far. There was the distinctive feeling of her flesh moving that made Riza pause and bite her teeth in discomfort. It felt like the skin of her neck was moving against itself in a way that was not natural. As though the wound was open and gaping, open to the elements and the dusty air of Central. Forcing the thought from her mind, Riza let out a slow, quiet breath to calm herself. The urge to reach up and touch her skin,  _ just _ to make sure it was still stitched together, made Riza’s fingers twitch. Casting the disconcerting feeling aside, Riza tried to think about  _ anything _ else. 

Remembering his sigh, Riza tried to watch Roy out the corner of her eye as best she could. She was worried about him. He would be just as battered and bruised as she was. Not to mention he’d been stabbed through both of his hands. Physically, there were no issues with his eyes. Truth had taken his vision away. That was it. Riza’s heart sank as she realised that he’d never be able to set his eyes on their children again. He wouldn’t physically get to  _ see _ Mia or Maes grow up, grow taller, or witness them succeeding in anything with his own two eyes. The thought was sudden and unbidden, bringing along with it a wave of tears that made her nose run as one escaped her lids and fell into her hair. She tried to remain quiet. Roy would only worry if she didn’t, and she had no way of articulating any of her emotions after the day they’d had.

However, she failed. At the sound of a sniff, Roy’s head jerked up. He searched in her direction with concerned eyes as he tried to determine what was the cause of her upset.

“Riza?”

“I’m fine,” she reassured, breathing out slowly as she got a hold of herself. Being so exhausted was wearing her thin. It was breaking her down.

His hand reached over for her, searching for contact. Riza grasped it, feeling him holding on for dear life.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he begged her quietly. His voice caught in his throat as he spoke.

It broke her heart. He’d always been very attentive and noticed a lot about her, even the minute changes in her mood or expression. They’d been together for so long that Riza found herself feeling the same way as him, easily picking out his moments of stress or worry. Now that was all gone for him.

“I’m all right, I promise. I’ve just been doing some thinking.”

“About the kids?”

Riza froze, and Roy noticed. Shifting in his seat, he moved closer and swiped his thumb over the top of her hand. The bandages across his palms were coarse against her skin, but his fingers were the touch she remembered.

“I was thinking about them too,” Roy admitted.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine –”

“I would always want to talk about it with you, Riza,” he interrupted softly. “No matter how hard it may be. I…” He coughed, then swallowed thickly. “I keep thinking about Mia’s smile,” he frowned, “Maes’ too, as well as yours. I keep trying to picture them in my head, but it doesn’t seem  _ right _ . It feels like a figment of my imagination, like a false picture. And I… I want to see them again. Just to check.”

Sorrow engulfed her. Tears collected in the corner of her eyes. “I’m sorry, Roy.”

It surprised Riza to see him shrug. “It is what it is, I suppose,” he stated grimly. His expression was pulled tight though, indicating he was lying. The muscles of his brow trembled before relaxing with a heavy sigh.

“Roy…”

“I should’ve gotten so much worse in this life,” he scoffed. “This,” he gestured to his eyes, “is a punishment, I suppose.”

“It still wasn’t right for them to force you to open the gate so Father could try and kill everyone,” Riza reminded him. “Plus, you’re still  _ needed _ in this country.”

His blind eyes lifted to meet hers, but they weren’t on her face. They were looking just above her head on the bed.

“You successfully staged a coup and took down a corrupt power, one that was trying to kill all of this country’s citizens. You had a dream, remember? We’re not there yet. This was only the beginning.”

“I don’t know if I can get there blind,” Roy replied gently, trying to soften the blow for her - or for himself. “I had a vision,” he chuckled darkly, “and now it has been taken away. Quite literally. How kind of Truth,” he scoffed, casting his eyes down to the floor.

Riza struggled to sit up in the bed. Her neck ached, the muscles shaking with fatigue, and her head grew woozy as blood rushed there.

“What are you doing?” He’d sensed and heard her movements. Roy’s brows pulled together in disapproval.

“Come here,” she commanded.

“ _ Riza _ –”

“Come here,” she repeated calmly, tugging him towards her gently by his hand.

Huffing, Roy stood and took a tentative step. Patiently, Riza guided him over to the cot, making sure he was sitting comfortably by her side. Her weight leaned heavily against his side as he snaked an arm around her back.

“We’re both alive,” Riza stated, eyes fluttering closed to relish in the warmth he provided. “We’re both physically able to walk and talk.”

“Except you shouldn’t be,” he muttered, referencing her insistence that she was all right.

She nudged him gently with her weight, a slow smile spreading across her face. “No, I shouldn’t be. Not anymore, anyway. But I couldn’t let the team down,” she smirked.

“You were extremely helpful in that final fight against Father. I feared I would’ve hit our own soldiers if it had just been myself.”

“Happy to be of assistance, Colonel.”

“I ought to promote you to a Lieutenant,” he added thoughtfully, angling his head so his cheek came to rest upon it. “Make you my aide full time. And Hayate too. That pup was invaluable today. He has a nose for homunculi, who knew?”

“I bet that would’ve been useful to discover beforehand,” Riza snickered.

“Oh, absolutely! I would’ve taken him to the office and let him loose to see if he could sniff them out for me,” Roy joked. “It would’ve saved me so much time and effort.”

“You’re just lazy.”

“… Maybe.”

Riza snorted, enjoying hearing his amusement as well. They laughed quietly together on that bed, both alive. Knowing that everything he’d work towards over the past year was over… It was surreal. Despite the tumultuous storm of emotions and fatigue brewing inside of her, one emotion that stuck out the most in that moment was relief. They were alive. They’d won. The plan to stop Father had succeeded and they were both still here to see through the aftermath.

“It’s all over…”

“I know,” Roy agreed. “It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?”

“I’m proud of all you’ve accomplished, Roy.”

“Most of it is thanks to you.”

A proud smile fought its way onto her face.

“I just listened.”

“And that help was invaluable. Your input has always been a massive help to me, and I want to hear it every time I come up with a plan. It kept me on the right path and kept me moving forward.” His head cocked to the side in thought. “I really should enlist you. You’d be a big help at the office. I could probably promote you straight to a Lieutenant too after all your help today,” he tempted.

Riza hummed tiredly to herself.

“Get some rest, Riza.” Roy’s body turned slightly and a hand ran up her arm slowly to find her face. Once he did so, a kiss was pressed against her forehead.

“I will,” she reassured, feeling a wave of exhaustion roll over her entire being, now that her eyes were finally closed, and the adrenaline had worn off.

“I’ll be here when you wake up.”

The wound on her neck was throbbing in time with her pulse and it would be so easy just to stop fighting and let go, give into her fatigue, and let sleep claim her.

“Sleep.” Roy’s command was soothing, lulling her further into unconsciousness while reassuring that he would be right there beside her, every step of the way.

* * *

Reality returned to Riza slowly. She didn’t remember dreaming of much. There were fleeting memories of Mia and Maes’ faces as she slept peacefully, but not enough for her to grab onto and remember why they were there. It was a comfort, seeing them again. Now, in the land of waking, that comfort was replaced by longing. She wanted to see them. Riza wanted to hear Mia’s tales from her holiday with her grandmother and see Maes’ little hands reach for her with a grin, begging to be held close.

Her entire body ached. That was the first thing she noticed. Every muscle felt like it had been through the wringer and then some more. They protested as she tried to shift on the hard mattress below her back, a light grunt erupting from her throat.

“Riza?”

It took a moment to realise someone was calling to her. Her head turned to the side automatically and Riza instantly regretted it. A sharp pain suddenly flared there, making her hiss loudly. She gasped, squeezing her eyes tightly closed as a hand clumsily lifted to protect the area of injury.

“What’s wrong?”

Roy was fretting. Slowly, Riza turned her whole torso to look over at him, grimacing at her aches and pains, and opened her eyes. His hands were ringing together in his lap. His eyes were wide and staring in her direction, flicking back and forth.

“I’m all right,” she soothed, but it didn’t lessen the nervous energy so apparent within him. “I turned my head too quickly.”

“The doctor said you have to keep it as still as possible,” he admonished firmly.

Riza almost nodded, then realised that probably wouldn’t be the best idea. “All right.”

“But are  _ you  _ okay?” He was stressed, still worrying over her.

“Roy?” She called to him, waiting for a response to try and slow down his mind that was probably picturing the worst, given his expression. It worked because his head perked up immediately and his hands still in his lap. “I’m all right.”

It took a moment, but slowly his shoulders relaxed. His posture slumped slightly.

“Promise?”

“I promise,” she replied sincerely.

It couldn’t have been easy for him to be unable to verify it for himself. He trusted her implicitly, Riza knew this, but still, suddenly becoming blind would be difficult to adjust to. He’d always been so good at picking up how she was feeling from micro expressions alone, so the sudden lack of it would be frustrating. Not to mention the fact she’d probably been out of it for a while. It certainly felt like it, despite still feeling exhausted upon waking.

Before anything else could be said, there was a knock at the door and Breda entered. Riza watched as he and Fuery piled into the room with grins on their faces. They stared at her, ecstatic to see she was awake.

“Hello,” she greeted warmly, extremely pleased to see them all.

Before anyone could reply, Rebecca Catalina stole all of Riza’s attention, just like always. She butted past them both hurriedly, stopping as she zeroed in on Riza.

“Riza!” The volume of her cry made her wince. “I’m so glad you’re okay!” Riza’s vision was filled with the black hair of Rebecca’s ponytail while she was enveloped in her best friend’s arms.

Riza patted her friend on the back gently. “Hey, Becca.”

“How are you doing?” She wasted no time pulling away to examine Riza’s face with a critical eye.

“I don’t know,” was Riza’s honest reply, “other than I feel okay. I just woke up.”

“Any pain? Any discomfort? Do you need to…  _ go _ ?”

While her questions were short and sharp, Riza still appreciated her friend’s concern.

“Fine, Becca,” she soothed, patting her forearm. “It’s just sore when I move my head.”

“You keep it still then. Do you hear me?” A finger was shoved into Riza’s face. “Don’t go messing up the good work the hot doctors did on you.”

“Hot doctors?” Riza raised an eyebrow at her.

Rebecca’s face lit up in glee. “You were so lucky,” she snickered.

Roy cleared his throat from his bed, unamused.

“I’m  _ kidding _ , Mustang,” Rebecca stressed, but still loudly whispered, “no, I’m not,” before slipping off the bed, walking over to Roy’s. “And how are you doing Colonel?”

“Ready for the day,” he nodded, very matter of fact in the way he spoke.

“Good. We have a lot to cover,” Rebecca announced, taking a seat by his bedside. Her legs were lifted, propped up on the edge of his bed. Feeling the dip, Roy turned his head downwards towards them, but said nothing.

“She’s right, boss,” Breda interjected. He pulled a book out from underneath his arm and flipped it open. “Good to see you awake, Riza,” he grinned before continuing.

“It’s so good to see you, Ma’am,” Fuery gushed, eyes twinkling with joy behind his glasses.

“You too,” she replied. During the Promised Day, she’d lost sight of them and was glad to discover they were safe and visibly unharmed.

“Before we get into it, could we get a minute?” Roy’s question had no room for argument as he gestured between himself and her.

“Uh, yeah, of course,” Rebecca hastily reassured. Her feet hit the linoleum floor with a  _ thud _ before standing.

“Of course, boss. We’ll be back…” Breda shot Fuery an uncertain look. “We’ll give you guys some time. We’ll be back in an hour.”

“Thank you.”

The three of them filed out, leaving Roy and Riza alone. She felt exhausted, feeling it creep up into her head and take residence behind her eyes, forming a dull pain, after only a few minutes of conversation. Just what she needed on top of the slowly receding pain in her neck. A headache.

“Do you need anything?” Roy’s tone was asking her for the truth. Pleading with her for it. He couldn’t see it for himself so needed her to be honest with him and give more than an ‘I’m fine.’

During the Promised Day there had been so many bigger things at stake than her. Riza had kept focussed and kept moving forward, to do the right thing and put an end to those that had wronged her, her friends and family, and the entire nation with their lies and schemes. She had to be there to assist Roy and help the Elric brothers fight Father. Looking at the bigger picture, it was absolute top priority that they succeed on that day. So, her own health and wellbeing were pushed aside for the greater good. She was filled with dismay to realise that her insistence of being ‘okay’ had resulted in Roy pleading with her for the truth. He shouldn’t have to, but now that they were safe and unknown danger no longer lurked around every corner, Riza knew what she had to do.

“I don’t feel like I need anything at the moment,” Riza answered. “My neck hurts a little bit,” she added quietly, “and it really hurt after I moved my head too quickly.”

Roy’s fingers dug into the sheet over his legs.

“So I’m staying as still as possible. It was an automatic reaction to turn my head. I need to remember not to do that.”

“Like I said, the doctor said you have to keep it still.” His voice was authoritative, betraying his worry and concern for her. “They said the morphine will probably wear off soon, so if it does, we have to let a nurse know. Has it started to wear off yet?”

Riza paused to assess how she was feeling. “I’m okay for now. The pain from before is already fading after I moved too quickly.”

Roy’s lips pursed. “If you need more, we will get you some –”

“I’ll let them know if I do need more, I promise.”

Roy nodded, but Riza could still see the tension in his body. He would never fully relax, Riza was sure.

One idea to assist and make things easier on him popped into Riza’s mind.

Throwing the sheet off her body, Riza slowly swung her legs out of the bed. Every muscle protested and she groaned quietly.

“What are you doing?”

“Just… Give me a second.”

“Are you getting out of bed?” He asked as if it were the most ridiculous course of action she could have taken. “Riza –”

“I’m fine. I can walk okay.” Her feet were sore as they contacted the floor and the muscles in her legs were aching, but that was just from overexertion.

“Get back into bed,” he growled at her. “You shouldn’t be up –”

“This will help us both,” she interrupted him. There was a brief feeling of light-headedness as she stood, but it passed quickly.

“How?”

Riza didn’t answer. She shuffled over, movements stiff after being still for so long, but she managed it.

“Move over,” she commanded, nudging his shoulder gently with the back of her hand.

Roy was unimpressed, but did as she asked. Riza slipped into the bed next to him with slow and careful movements. As much as she would have loved to curl up against his side, she couldn’t with her neck, so opted to remain on her back. However, Roy took up the mantle for her. He rolled onto his side and immediately latched onto her. His arms pulled her into a tight embrace, one that told Riza she’d have great difficulty removing herself from his hold. Not that she minded at all.

“You will be the death of me, woman,” he muttered. Immediately his head was by hers, his breath warming the skin of her face. His forehead came to rest upon her temple.

“You love me for it though,” Riza countered with a smile.

“I do.” Roy lifted his fingers carefully towards her face, contacting her skin gently. He caressed her cheek with his thumb before cupping her chin and moving forwards to kiss her cheek.

He placed his head on the pillow and adjusted the arm that lay across her stomach. With his bandaged palms he couldn’t grip onto her completely, but his fingers did as best they could. His hold was still weak – a detail Riza noted and shelved for later. If he pressed too hard with his fingers, from the direction his palms had been sliced into, too much pressure may aggravate and reopen his wounds.

“Now I feel much better,” Riza sighed happily.

Roy hummed in agreement. “I must admit, I do prefer having you by my side.”

Riza ran her hand up his bare arm, noticing him shiver. “I can’t imagine it’s been easy.”

“It's hard being unable to see you for myself.”

“How long was I asleep?”

“It’s been about two days. It’s hard to grasp time and keep track, but that’s what the doctor said when they came in this morning. So probably just over that.”

“I’m sorry I was away for so long.” He’d asked her to be his eyes, and she’d left him.

“It’s hardly your fault,” he scoffed lightly. “You sustained life-threatening injuries and needed to be cared for too, as well as rest.”

“I know.” She swallowed. There was a twinge in her throat as she did so, and Riza silently hoped the injury wouldn’t affect that action too much.

“You getting the help you needed was my top priority. I’m just glad to finally be able to feel and hear that you’re up and awake.”

“I love you.” Her hand stopped on his bicep and gave it a quick squeeze.

“I love you too, Riza.” A kiss was pressed against her shoulder just below her bandages.

“How are you feeling?”

Roy shrugged. “Sore and tired. They performed surgery on my hands. There was enough to work with to repair some of the damage but they won’t be perfect. However, the correct care and physical therapy will help. And my vision… I’m completely blind. I won’t recover from it.”

Riza nodded in acceptance. She always thought that would be the case. Hearing it confirmed wasn’t easy, but she’d support him through it. They would adapt and adjust.

“We both went through a lot on the Promised Day.”

Roy nodded. “We did. And you…” He swallowed. “Helping me with Envy…”

“I would do it again in a heartbeat, you know that.”

“I almost lost it all.” His voice was hoarse.

“You stepped back from it though. Being subjected to torment like you were over the murder of someone you loved… How could anyone  _ not _ be upset over that?”

“I yelled at you too. That was undeserving when you were only trying to help.” Roy snorted, his face twisting in disgust. “It seems I have a track record of that,” he added bitterly.

He moved to pull away from her, but Riza didn’t let him. She held on tight. “You were upset.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

“No, it’s not. But you were upset and teetering on the edge. They were trying to goad you over the edge, but you didn’t let them.”

His head bowed so his forehead came to rest upon her shoulder.

“You won that battle. Remember that.”

Roy was silent as they lay there. As they did so, Riza’s mind wandered towards her own wrongdoings on the Promised Day.

“Besides,” she swallowed, “I’m not completely innocent in all of this either. I killed someone.”

Roy’s hand moved from her stomach. He rubbed her upper arm gently in comfort. The bandages scratched her skin slightly, but not uncomfortably. “I can’t tell you that guilt and regret will ever go away, because it doesn’t.”

Riza clutched at his shirt tighter, scrunching it as she realised his meaning.

“But you’re not alone in this,” Roy reassured her. A kiss was pressed against her shoulder. “I’m right here.”

“I know you are.”

“You saved my life, and I’ll be forever grateful to you for that, however, I’m aware it comes at a price. I’m sorry you have to pay it.”

“I vowed to myself that I would do anything to protect my family.” Riza swallowed. “And I meant it.”

“It still doesn’t make it easy, does it?”

Riza shook her head. “No.”

“Talk to me whenever you need. Although it was incredibly difficult, sometimes impossible, I  _ wish  _ I had opened up more after Ishval. If I had, I could’ve maybe spared us some heartache.”

“We were both still young,” she reminded him. “Your world had been cruelly turned on its head and you’d been turned into a weapon, so, on an emotional level, I don’t blame you for wanting to briefly shut it out.”

“I could’ve been better, though.”

Riza sighed. “We learned from it though.”

“Sometimes I didn’t,” Roy grimaced. “What I would give to take back how I handled Hughes’ death.”

Riza patted his shoulder in comfort. “I think we were both at fault. Grief isn’t easy and it can be unfair. Especially when forced upon us so suddenly and,” Riza swallowed, “so violently.”

Roy repositioned his arm across her stomach, giving her body a tight squeeze. “We made it through in the end.”

“We did,” she confirmed.

Silence descended over them as Riza struggled to try and find the right words she needed to voice her thoughts.

“How… How do you deal with it, day-to-day? The memories of what you’ve done?”

“Before the Promised Day it was by working towards the coup. By taking down Bradley and the corrupt powers, I was working towards stopping something like Ishval from happening again. Now that’s over with… I want to rebuild Ishval. That’s the next project on the agenda. That’s why the team has been coming here every day, so I can learn about their customs and practices. I took part in taking that away from them, so I’ll work to give it back. Then…” He exhaled a long breath. “After that, I will continue to try and make up for all that I did until my last breath.”

“After Ishval?”

Roy nodded. “If I become Fuhrer I can enforce laws that ensure nothing like Bradley and Father will ever happen again. By devolving power and turning the system into a democracy, it removes it. And then, those who were involved with Ishval will be punished for their war crimes.”

On instinct, Riza’s body stiffened. They’d been over this. They’d discussed this outcome plenty of times and she’d somewhat made her peace with it, however, it didn’t mean it was easy. However, she’d respect his wishes, as well as the Ishvalan’s.

“Sorry,” he added quietly, noticing how she tensed underneath his hands.

“No. No, it’s okay. We have to talk about it.”

“If my execution is called for by the elders, then I won’t fight it. I have no right to deny them of how they judge me.”

Riza swallowed. “Obviously, I don’t want to lose you. I love you. However, I want you to know I would never fight it either.”

Her shoulder was squeezed tightly.

“It… It hurts to think about and talk about. It always has, throughout the years, but…” Riza sighed, the weight of the conversation settling heavily on her heart and her mind. “I agree. We can’t take that away from them. Not after what you did.” Riza almost cringed at the bluntness of her words, but she shouldn’t shy away from what happened. Roy wouldn’t, so she shouldn’t either.

“You’re right,” he agreed.

“I helped put that out into the world, so I always felt partly responsible. I suppose that will be my punishment for it.”

“It may not even come to that. If they don’t choose that avenue for me, then I keep on working as best I can. Whatever happens though, we will deal with it.”

“Yes,” Riza agreed, “and I will be with you every step of the way.”

His fingers lowered to entwine with hers. The digits were stiff and couldn’t move too far, which made Riza think back to her concern about how much pressure he could apply with his hands. Riza curled her fingers around his carefully.

“We can work to redeem ourselves together.”

“Until the very end,” Riza vowed.

Roy’s head cocked to the side when she let go of his hand. Riza shifted on the bed, rolling into her side. It wasn’t painful like she imagined it would be. Her neck showed no signs of discomfort as she lay down on the soft pillow.

“You okay?”

“Perfect,” she smiled. She brushed his fringe off his face.

Roy lowered from his elbow to lie next to her. His hand found her lower back and he shuffled in closer to her body. Gently, she cupped his cheek, but noticed how he flinched slightly at the sudden contact.

“Sorry,” she murmured, alleviating the pressure she’d placed on his face.

“No, I didn’t realise what you were doing.”

“I’ll need to be slower and more careful in the future,” she scolded herself lightly.

Roy lifted his bandaged hand to place it on her wrist. He pressed her hand back against his cheek, back to where it had been when he’d flinched. “You don’t need to do anything. You’re perfect. It's… jarring. Being in such inky blackness and feeling something so suddenly, not knowing where it came from. Especially after everything we went through that day.”

Riza studied his face as she tried to rack her brain for a way to announce herself before touching him. Her thumb stroked his face lightly and he sighed into her touch, his body relaxing underneath it.

“What is it like?” She hated to ask, but she wanted to know, so she could find or work out some way to help Roy ease into his new condition.

“It’s terrifying. I hate it.”

Hearing that was like a punch to the stomach.

“And I want to see you again. I  _ so _ desperately wish I could.” His breath hitched and as Riza blinked, tears appeared in her eyes. “I miss you,” he admitted hoarsely. “I miss your beautiful face and your gorgeous eyes,” he grinned as a tear tracked down his cheek. “And your winning smile.” His hand lifted to cup her face, and he made contact with no issues whatsoever. He didn’t bump into her or end up off target.

Riza smiled. “You did that without thinking,” she praised. Her fingers trailed from his temple to chin, stroking the skin lovingly as she smiled. “You knew where I was.”

His mouth opened then promptly closed again.

“We’ll work through it,” Riza whispered, closing her eyes as their foreheads moved to rest together. “I promise. You won’t go through this alone.”

“I know.” Roy inhaled sharply before letting it out slowly. The hand on her cheek moved to rest on the back of her neck. “I know I won’t.”

She kissed his cheek, pulling him into a tight embrace. The two of them remained there, holding each other, finally able to do so and rest properly after all they’d experienced on the Promised Day. For Riza, she finally felt at peace laying there in Roy’s arm.

Two hours passed before Rebecca knocked on the door, apologising, but asking if they were ready to get to work.


	42.  in the high and low i’ll find you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're almost to the end! the last two chapters have been drafted up completely already but they are extremely rough and need a lot of work still. however, hopefully that means it won't be too long until this story is all wrapped up. hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> song for this chapter: joshua radin – high and low

##  **1915**

** _and i’ll see you in the high and low_ **

** _in the high and low i’ll find you_ **

“Are you ready?”

“Hm?” Roy’s head turned towards her. She’d broken him out of his thoughts. His expression had been miles away as he sat on the edge of his hospital bed in quiet contemplation. Riza was curious about what had taken up so much of his attention but didn’t enquire. If he wanted to share, he would.

“I asked if you were ready to go,” she explained softly.

“Oh, yes.” Roy straightened his spine and placed both hands flat on his thighs. “I’m ready.”

Riza took his hand in hers and angled her body so they were walking side by side. Her other hand rose to grasp his elbow, cradling it within her palm.

“Thank you,” Roy smiled. He gave her hand a tiny nudge with his elbow.

“It’s no problem, Roy. You know that.”

“I know, but you’ve helped me so much and without complaint.”

Riza laughed to herself. “I’m happy to help.”

“How is your neck? And your shoulder? Let me know if you need to stop or sit down.”

“They’re fine, Roy. There’s no pain. And I will, don’t worry.”

Yesterday while they’d been on their first walk out of their room Riza had a sudden bout of light-headedness. They’d been on their way to a payphone to finally call Chris, after a few days of no contact. Breda had appointed himself their liaison and provided her with an update on their current situation, as both Roy and Riza had been on bedrest since their arrival. They were itching to speak to her, and possibly speak to Mia, but it hadn’t come to pass. On their way there Riza had clumsily fallen into a chair as her vision blurred into a solid grey colour, letting go of Roy and frightening him with her abrupt silence. The feeling had passed over her in a slow wave as she clutched at her forehead. It was painless but disorientating. While Roy had frantically called her name, a nurse found them and recognised Riza’s signs. She placated Roy with a quick explanation as Riza was unable to do it herself. All of her focus was on breathing and not passing out, so was unable to formulate any kind of sentence. They both were promptly whisked back to their room after that and it seemed Roy wouldn’t be quick to forget about that incident.

She’d lost a lot of blood, so her body was still trying to recover it, the doctor had explained. Riza started to worry she may be kept in longer than Roy. Of course, she was concerned for herself and her own wellbeing. The sooner she recovered, the sooner her children could come home to her. But, if Roy was discharged by himself… Their home wasn’t equipped for housing someone who was blind. She had to get things organised, rearrange rooms, create paths for him…

And then there was their children to think about as well. She couldn’t take care of them while being so weak. Thankfully, they were still in Xing with Chris and the girls. Riza would love for them to come home, but it wasn’t feasible or practical. If they did they’d have to stay with Chris and both parents _ knew _ Mia would be wondering where they were. She’d be constantly asking after them. To save her any worry and stress, they agreed, if it was all right with Chris, to keep them both in Xing until they left the hospital. It saved them giving an explanation to a child who was too young to understand properly what had happened to them.

Breda confirmed Chris had agreed to that plan. She’d been thinking the same thing too. Riza was grateful to have one weight lifted off her mind, but all those thoughts and worries were still threatening to give her a headache.

“What are you thinking about?” Roy’s expression was one of concentration, as if he were listening to something intently. However, she hadn’t said a word or uttered a sound.

One thing that did strike Riza was he could still pick up on a shift in her mood. It may not be the same as before, but it made her smile to know there was still some sort of connection between them.

But that smile quickly fell.

“The future,” Riza replied.

Roy patted her arm in sympathy and understanding. He kept it there too, which was a comfort. He was supporting her, as she was doing the same to him.

“I was thinking about when we’ll be discharged,” she elaborated further. “About whether or not we’ll leave at the same time, or if one of us will go first.”

“I was wondering that too,” Roy admitted. “The doctors are pleased with your progress, but you lost a _ lot _ of blood and –” He cut himself off for a moment, swallowing thickly as he stumbled over the memory of their time in the tunnels. “And you need time to recover. It’s a large wound, they tell me.” The pressure on her forearm increased. “They need to keep you in for further observation to ensure it doesn’t get infected.”

Riza knew all of this already but reasoned if it helped Roy to find some semblance of peace to go through everything aloud then she wouldn’t take that away from him.

“My hands are still pretty bad too,” he added. “The surgery went well but there was a lot of damage. I need to be kept in for them, not to mention for rehabilitation as well.”

“I just don’t want you to be sent home without me,” she admitted quietly.

“I know. I don’t particularly want to go home by myself either.” He chuckled to himself, “I would be a walking hazard without you.”

She appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood, however, the worry still weighed heavily on her mind.

“I don’t think they would let me leave without some kind of system of care in place though,” Roy mused.

“Once your hands are better you’ll need to start practicing with your cane.”

He pouted playfully. “But you’re a much preferable guide.”

Riza smirked. “Unfortunately, I can’t be with you every minute of every day.”

Roy hummed. “I don’t know, that does sound pretty wonderful to me.”

“You know what I mean,” she scolded lightly, but let out a light laugh.

“I know, love,” he reassured with a smile. “How do you feel about us potentially training Hayate to help me out around the house?”

Riza bit her lip. “That’s a lot to put on him.”

“I don’t mean full-time. It was mostly for helping me move around.”

“He’s not trained for that though,” she argued.

“It was just a thought.” He lifted a hand in surrender. “Obviously if you’re not happy with it then we won’t. My only thought was he’s such a good dog already and can listen very well. He’s so attentive. He’d probably work very well as a service dog.”

“With the correct training from the correct people, he probably would, yes.”

“I don’t think it would work out anyway,” Roy sighed heavily.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” She was confused.

“Can you imagine me trying to take Mia’s best friend away from her?”

Riza snorted lightly. “They are inseparable,” she agreed.

“No, I couldn’t tear those two apart. That wouldn’t be fair. Who knows,” Roy shrugged, “it may come naturally to us. Anyway, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I can ask for an update and a time estimate from the doctors this afternoon. That may put our minds at rest a little?”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Riza nodded. “It would be nice to know some kind of timeframe, if possible, and find out what we have to work with.”

“And we won’t be without help. The team has already discussed this scenario too, apparently.”

Riza cocked her head towards him in surprise.

“If I was to be discharged first, they offered their assistance at home. Rebecca did too. Although,” Roy smirked, “I think she only wants to make sure I don’t destroy the place on your behalf,” he quipped.

“They really offered?”

Roy nodded. “They’re happy to help out.”

Riza was touched. A fond smile spread across her face as she thought of the men who’d devoted their lives to her husband. She knew they were close but hadn’t realised that would extend to outside their work lives as well. Riza didn’t know why though, she suddenly thought. They already thought of themselves as unofficial uncles to Mia, and now to Maes as well. They’d also already offered such assistance to her when Roy was in the hospital last year. After that realisation, Riza supposed it would be a natural progression. Her smile grew wider.

“They’re a good group of people.”

Roy hummed in agreement. “The best group of people.”

They continued on their walk and reached their destination, a payphone.

“We’re here.”

“Trip number two was a success,” he beamed.

“It was, thankfully,” Riza chuckled. She guided Roy over to a chair beside the phone and sat him down. Rebecca had brought her purse in from home, so Riza rummaged around within for the spare change she needed to make the call.

The phone rang four times before someone answered.

“Hello?” The gruff voice on the other side of the line made Riza smile immediately. It was a welcome sound and a voice she’d missed hearing.

“Chris? It’s Riza.”

She didn’t speak until after a short pause. “Riza?” Before she could open her mouth to confirm, Chris called Vanessa’s name, Riza assumed over her shoulder, holding the receiver away. “Good to finally hear from you, Riza.

“I know. Sorry it’s been a while.”

Chris scoffed. “No need to apologise for that. Breda has kept me up to date. How are you doing?”

"We’re okay.” She glanced over at Roy who was trying to listen in to their conversation. “A little beat up, but all right.”

“Beat up?” Her question was short and sharp.

Perhaps Breda hadn’t shared some of the finer details with Chris.

“Yes. I sustained some injuries, but they’re being treated. We’re calling from the hospital.”

“And Roy? How’s he?”

Breda definitely hadn’t shared all of the details.

“Lieutenant Breda only really told me you were alive and would be all right,” Chris continued.

Riza could appreciate that. How does one stranger tell another that their son was now blind and their daughter-in-law suffered life threatening injuries?

She glanced over at Roy, noticing how his lips were pressed into a thin line. He gestured for the phone. It was time for him to break the news of his new condition.

“He wants to tell you himself,” she replied carefully.

Chris was quiet for a second. “All right.” Her words were sombre as she spoke.

“Hi, Chris,” Roy greeted.

Riza silently remained by his side. She placed a hand atop his head as he informed his mother that he was now blind and what had happened to his hands. Her fingers ran through his hair, playing with his dark tresses to try comfort and soothe him.

“Yeah… We won.”

A proud smile spread across Riza’s face as Roy broke their other news.

A chuckle left him as Chris spoke again. “I know, I know,” Roy relented. “There’s a long way to go yet, but yes, we did it. The plan succeeded.”

They spoke back and forth for a few more moments before Roy paused.

“Mia?” Roy’s head turned towards Riza’s body, facing into her stomach. Her fingers froze in his hair as she spotted his expectant look. Riza’s heart leapt into her throat. “Yes, please. If you could put her on.”

There was a sudden movement that disrupted Riza from her thoughts. Roy had felt out the chair next to him and slid over. The one he’d vacated was offered to Riza, and she took it immediately. The cord of the phone was long enough so they could sit with their heads together and place the phone in between them, letting both parents speak to their daughter.

The other line was quiet. Riza held her breath and waited. There was some shuffling then they heard Mia speak in a quiet voice, sounding far away.

“Mia?” Riza’s voice caught in her throat as she spoke her daughter’s name with so much hope and excitement. She was almost overwhelmed with how much she missed her children and couldn’t wait to hear her voice again.

“Mummy?”

Relief like no other flowed through Riza’s veins. She relaxed completely into her chair with her elation. “Mia, hi. It’s Mum. Dad’s here too.”

“Hey, Mia,” he greeted. Roy’s voice sounded thick as he spoke but there was the widest grin on his face.

“Hi!” Her reply was bright and excited, nothing like the shy, tentative tone she’d used to first greet them. “I miss you!”

“I know, sweetie. I know, we miss you too. So much.”

“It’s been a long time since we talked, but Grandma said that’s okay because it means I would have a lot more to tell you when you phoned, _ and _we could talk for longer!”

Both parents laughed together. Riza’s eyes closed as she leaned her head against Roy’s. His arm wrapped around her shoulders tightly.

“We could talk to you forever, Mia,” Roy replied, “and we’d be more than happy to do it. How are you?”

“I’m okay! I’ve been having lots of fun.”

“That’s great,” Roy exclaimed. “I’m so happy that you have.”

“We’ve done _ loads _ since we last spoke! We’ve been to the park near the hotel almost every day. We’ve been to Xingese temples too which were _ so _ pretty! I want to go back but Grandma says we’ve got lots of other things to visit first before we can –”

Mia went on and on, regaling them of things she’d done since they last spoke. Both parents relaxed against one another, content and happy to let her speak and listen to all of her adventures. Riza had missed hearing about them.

“When will we get to come home?”

“We don’t know yet, Mia,” Riza answered after a brief pause. “You sound like you’re having too much fun to come home,” she quipped.

“I am, but I miss you! Maes does too. And I miss Hayate.”

Riza felt a pang in her chest. “I know you do. We miss you both terribly as well. But, if you hand the phone back to Grandma we can talk about when you might be able to?”

“Okay! She’s right here.”

“Goodbye, Mia Bear. I love you,” Riza added.

“Love you,” Roy chimed in, eager to say it himself.

“Love you too. Bye!”

Riza exhaled and tipped her head back. Roy gave her shoulders a quick squeeze, understanding every emotion she was currently going through, as he was experiencing the same. It was such a relief to hear Mia’s voice again after so long and to know she was happy, healthy, and okay.

“She’s a little whirlwind,” Chris remarked with a chuckle.

“Thank you for giving her the phone,” Roy replied.

“Of course, Roy Boy,” she dismissed, as if it were obvious she was going to do it in the first place. “Plus, she’s been pestering me non-stop for another chance to speak to you both,” Chris chuckled. “She’s taken it well though. There’s not been too many complaints.”

“What do you mean?” Roy was instantly alert. Riza shot him a worried look. He looked similar to how she felt. _ Was Mia doing okay? _

“Relax,” Chris soothed in her gravelly voice. “She’s been fine. She’s a good and patient kid. Very understanding too. She’s missed you, that’s all. A typical kid thing.”

Roy exhaled in relief.

“When do you think you’ll be out of there?”

“We don’t know. I’m going to ask for an estimate this afternoon on when they think we’ll be discharged. Obviously with my blindness we’ll need to figure out the house first and then come up with some kind of plan to tell Mia…” Roy trailed off, realising that it may be even longer before they see their children.

“Don’t worry about a thing,” Chris announced firmly. “We’ve got more than enough to do over here to keep the kids occupied. _ You _ two focus on making yourselves better, all right? The more you do, the sooner they can come home. Let me know what the doctors say though, then we can take it from there.”

“Okay,” Roy exhaled. His shoulders settled and Roy nodded like all his fears had been alleviated somewhat. Chris’ support was extremely helpful and meant a lot as they tried to adjust to their lives now. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, kid. We’ll get everything figured out and I’ll bring them back to you as soon as I can. Take care of yourselves.” The last part was almost a warning.

“We will. You too. And thank you, Chris.”

They shared a quick goodbye and hung up. Their walk back to the hospital room was quiet as they contemplated their conversation with Chris and Mia. It had been so lovely to hear their voices again. It had been too long, but there wasn’t much they could do about that. The important thing was it had happened, and they’d been able to speak with their daughter.

Once back in the room, Riza had finished helping Roy get settled when there was a knock at the door.

“Sir?”

“Come in, Fuery,” Roy beckoned.

His head popped around the door. He held onto it as he looked inside the room but didn’t take a step further inside. “Sir… Doctor Marcoh has just contacted us.” Fuery shifted and his expression turned hopeful for a second. “He has… a proposition for you. Regarding your eyes.”

Riza’s eyebrows lifted towards her hairline but Fuery didn’t let on anything further. Roy went still as he processed what Fuery had said.

“The stone?” His voice was low, almost reverent. Riza wasn’t sure what they were referring to, however from the way Roy spoke she could discern there was some gravity behind his words.

Fuery nodded. “Yes. He’s on his way in just now and wishes to speak to you, if that’s all right?”

“Yes, of course. Bring him in once he’s arrived.”

“Of course, sir.” Fuery left them in silence, closing the door quietly behind him.

“The stone,” Riza echoed, looking for further clarification.

Roy paused but then nodded. “Yes. It’s… Well, it may be a way for me to get my sight back.”

* * *

“Colonel? Riza?”

Riza looked up from the book on her lap as Breda’s head poked through the door.

“Oh.” Breda lowered his voice suddenly. “I didn’t realise he was asleep. Sorry,” he cringed.

She shot him a smile to placate any worry. “It’s okay,” Riza replied softly. She marked her place in the book with a finger so as not to lose it. “What’s up Breda?”

“Doctor Marcoh has arrived.”

Riza inhaled and nodded, understanding what that announcement meant. Roy would be getting his eyesight back today.

They’d spoken with Doctor Marcoh last week about using the stone. It was decided Havoc would be healed first, then Roy. They had to wait for him to arrive in Central, but Havoc’s procedure to return his ability to walk had been a success a few days ago. He was currently being monitored a few rooms down from them. Now, the Philosopher’s Stone would be used to give Roy his eyesight back.

“I understand,” she replied to Breda. “Thank you for letting us know.”

“There’s also someone else,” he interjected. “General Grumman has come for a visit. He’d like to visit as soon as possible if that’s all right with you both.”

That surprised Riza, however it made sense if Grumman had been a mentor to Roy for years prior to their move to Central.

“Thank you, Breda. Can you give us ten minutes then send General Grumman in?”

“Will do.”

The door closed quietly behind him and Riza sighed as she stared down at her husband’s sleeping face.

In hospital Riza hadn’t needed to worry too much about Roy’s movements around the room without aid. It was mostly bare, aside from a chair and two beds, so the space was large enough to manoeuvre himself around safely. Regardless of that fact, Riza was always by his side to assist when needed. With the injuries on his hands he’d been unable to hold a walking cane, but he was improving every day. However, she couldn’t help but run through plans in her mind for what would happen when they returned home. She’d need to reorganise and repurpose rooms. There would need to be clear pathways throughout their home which Roy could use and not hurt himself. Mia and Maes’ toys would need to be moved and placed in designated areas. They didn’t need him tripping over a stray soft bear or sliding on a forgotten pencil. Riza hadn’t had a chance to think about how they’d even begin to tell Mia that their father was blind. Now… She may not have to.

It was a bizarre concept, being able to cure the incurable so easily. She’d been made aware of what went into the Philosopher Stone and it set her on edge. It wasn’t right and Riza could never look at the stone for too long as it made her uncomfortable. However, it was Roy’s decision to use it. He didn’t like the thought of using the stone any more than she did, but it would restart him on a path they thought was lost to him. He’d still be able to remain in the military and work towards what he’d always wanted to do. And Roy was determined. More than determined. As soon as the possibility had been planted inside his mind Riza could see him seriously considering it. Not much would turn him away from the prospect.

Ultimately, using the stone was on his conscience, not hers. But Roy’s was bearing the weight of so much already… However, it was his choice. He had plans, goals, ambitions… All to better this country and stop history from repeating itself. The stone would help, but was the moral cost worth it for him?

“_ Whatever it takes _,” he’d informed her. His tone was determined, but there was a glimmer of grim acceptance in there too.

Riza reached over to gently place her hand on top of Roy’s in the bed. Her thumb swiped over the back of it as she tried to coax him awake. She’d decided sitting by Roy’s bedside in a chair rather than remaining in her own bed was easier to talk to the room and to him. In her own bed she was constantly twisting and turning her head and that was not the best course of action currently.

“Roy?”

He grunted softly in reply, stirring from his slumber.

“Roy, time to wake up.”

A feeble moan left him. His eyes opened briefly but fluttered closed as he quietly sighed and gave into the hold sleep still had on him.

“Roy.” Riza laughed quietly at his sleepy expression. She gave his fingers a gentle squeeze. “Doctor Marcoh is here to see you.”

She let that news sink in slowly and eventually he sighed. His eyes batted open groggily. “Okay, I’m up,” he grumbled.

“Did you sleep well?”

His head turned in her direction and he smiled. “I did. I didn’t even realise that I had.”

“You were pretty out of it,” Riza added.

“Your voice is so soothing and comforting to listen to, that’s why,” he grinned as Riza’s cheeks heated up slightly. “Did you keep reading ahead?”

“After you fell asleep I stopped reading aloud and continued on. It’s a good story. I like it.”

“I like it too. I like hearing you read it to me.”

“I can go back,” Riza revealed. “I marked where we finished together. I wouldn’t want you to miss the rest of the story.”

“You’re too good to me.”

Riza stood from her chair and slowly approached him. She placed a hand on his forearm, her touch feather light before increasing the pressure. A finger tapped his skin three times. Recognising her signal Roy inhaled in anticipation. Ever so softly she pressed her lips against his.

She hadn’t wanted to potentially frighten him with sudden touches after the Promised Day. Not while he was blind and not after the beating he’d received at the hands of Father  _ while _ blind either. Riza had picked up on the fact he jumped whenever someone placed a hand on him without announcing themselves, so she’d come up with a code. With coded messages, they used two taps. With three taps, she announced she would be coming in for a kiss. All of her touches were soft, and she always made sure to announce herself with her voice before initiating contact.

“I love you, Roy.”

He stole another kiss with a grin. “Love you too.”

“Not only is Doctor Marcoh here, but General Grumman is as well. I’ve asked Breda to send him in shortly.”

Roy’s body stilled. “General Grumman?”

“I don’t know why,” Riza shook her head. “Breda only told me he was here to see you.”

With a sigh Roy sat up on his bed. He groaned and grimaced as the movement hit some of his aches and pains. Enough time had passed that their muscles had recovered, but there were still some bruises and stiffness.

Riza’s hand never moved from Roy’s forearm and she slid it slowly up his arm to give him some comfort. Her own injuries were much better. The strength of her painkillers had been reduced dramatically and the injuries were healing nicely. The skin around the one on her neck was pink and healthy, while the one on her shoulder was starting to heal over.

“I suppose I better make myself presentable for the General,” Roy grumbled.

Riza nodded and her hand slid away from his body.

While Roy rubbed his eyes tiredly Riza was struck with how similar he looked to Mia when she awoke in the morning. After their conversation on the phone Riza had made a point to call Chris every day. She couldn’t go that long again without speaking to Mia again. They’d even heard Maes gurgle happily through the receiver. Roy had gently but clumsily wiped away her tears after it. He’d accidentally poked her in the eye, which earned a giggle from them both, cheering Riza up a little. It wasn’t much, but it was enough.

“Colonel,” General Grumman greeted warmly as he entered the room. “Mrs. Mustang.” He bowed his head respectfully towards her.

“General, sir,” Roy welcomed.

“Good day, General,” Riza nodded.

“At ease, Mustang,” Grumman replied, waving Roy off as his hand lifted to salute while sitting up straighter in his bed.

“Understood.”

Riza watched on with interest. It was intriguing to note how much Roy’s voice changed whenever he was talking to a colleague or a superior. It was funny to think about, remembering just how goofy and dorky he could be with her and their family. It was not a bad thing he was acting differently. It was another part of him, and that part had always intrigued and fascinated Riza. She sat back in her chair to observe their conversation quietly.

“How are you doing, Mustang?”

“Well, sir. Just a few aches and pains but nothing major.”

The General lifted an eyebrow in doubt, making Riza wonder if he was already aware of his lost eyesight. She figured that at this point in time it would be common knowledge. Especially to the likes of General Grumman.

“Losing one’s eyesight would be considered major, Colonel.”

“I’m alive,” Roy replied with determination. “That’s enough for me for the moment.”

Riza kept her mouth shut about Doctor Marcoh’s visit. She already felt like she was privy to a conversation she shouldn’t be a part of so let them converse in peace.

“Mrs. Mustang?”

Her head lifted, surprised that the General had anything to say to her.

“If you wouldn’t mind, could I borrow you for a moment?”

Out the corner of her eye, Riza noted how Roy’s brow furrowed in confusion slightly at the request.

“There’s something I wish to discuss with you in private, if that’s all right?”

“Anything you have to say can be said in front of my husband, General,” Riza replied evenly.

In all honesty… She didn’t really _ want _ to be left alone with her grandfather. After her sudden phone call and his reaction to it, Riza thought he knew who she was but couldn’t be sure. The question was, did she have the energy to have that family discussion with him? Probably not. Regardless, it was true. She had no secrets to hide from Roy.

Grumman looked stumped for a second before he recovered. “Yes, of course. It’s regarding us.”

Roy tried to hide it but Riza could tell he was becoming even more confused.

“Yes?”

“Our paths have unfortunately never crossed in the past. There were various reasons for that, mostly tied with your parents.”

Roy’s head cocked to the side ever so subtly as he tried to put two and two together.

“I apologise for not coming forward to you sooner. I have my own reasons for that too, but wanted to apologise for not contacting you when I should have.” He looked and sounded sincere enough as he spoke.

“And when would that have been?” Riza was curious as to when he felt he “should” have reached out to her.

“News of your father’s passing reached me months afterwards. I thought that would’ve left you with no one, but I had no way of finding out where you were. Then Mustang breezed in and wouldn’t shut up about his wife and kid,” Grumman chuckled, gesturing towards Roy, who’d gone incredibly still. “And I overheard Lieutenant Catalina on the phone to you and say your name. I caught Mustang showing off a picture of his wife one time and finally recognised you.” He took a deep breath, meeting her gaze. “You look exactly like your mother.”

A lump suddenly formed inside Riza’s throat.

“So, I’ve been aware of you and your tie to Mustang for some time. And I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner.”

“Thank you, sir.” Her reply was even and polite. She held no grudge against this man, but she couldn’t trust him so easily. If he wanted to be a part of her life then he’d have to earn a place in it.

“I hear you have some wonderful children.” He shot her a toothy grin. “Congratulations, Riza. I’m extremely happy for you.”

At the mention of them, Riza’s stomach tightened but slowly loosened. Her expression softened and she nodded. “They are wonderful,” she agreed.

“I expect nothing in return,” Grumman reassured, lifting his hands as if surrendering. “Too much time may have passed, which I completely understand. But since I had the chance, I wanted to see you and speak to you at least once – and properly this time.”

“Thank you for that favour on the Promised Day,” Riza replied. “I really appreciated you trying to get through to Roy.”

“Of course,” he nodded. “It was the least I could do for my granddaughter.”

Finally, Roy clicked. His head had bowed to face the bed in silence but Riza knew his mind was moving a mile a minute, overflowing with questions. He wasn’t the only one, however, Riza had already dwelled on her musings about her grandfather years ago. It brought the questions back up to the surface, but she didn’t have the energy to be angry or upset at him for not contacting her. Like Grumman said, too much time had passed anyway. It was all in the past now.

“I hear Doctor Marcoh is here to see you,” Grumman announced, clearing his throat. “I’ll get going and let him get to work.”

Riza stood and approached her bed without a word. On the table beside it was her purse, which she reached for. Two pictures of their children were extracted from within and Riza turned to face her grandfather.

“Would you like to see your great grandchildren before you leave?”

He looked incredibly surprised by her offer. Riza may not have been able to trust him so easily but he’d reached out to her. He’d made an effort at least. Yes, it was late, and he may have some motive behind this meeting, but Riza would extend him the same courtesy he’d given her. She didn’t entirely trust his motives, but he’d acknowledged they were family and seemed genuine enough while discussing it. The least she could do in return was show him his great grandchildren.

Grumman nodded and Riza walked over to him. She handed the pictures over and heard him gasp. In the corner of his eyes there were tears, but they never fell.

“Mia and Maes,” Riza stated, pointing to each of them.

“They look like wonderful children,” he replied. His tone was respectful but held a hint of awe within it.

“They are,” Riza smiled fondly, gazing down at them.

“Thank you, Mrs. Mustang.” Grumman cleared his throat as he handed the pictures back to her. “I don’t expect anything in return, like I said, but I appreciate you showing these to me.”

Riza nodded and took them back from his outstretched hand.

“If you ever need anything,” he stressed, his sharp eyes meeting hers directly, “anything at all, you can give me a call. All right?”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Please, call me Grumman,” he insisted.

“Thank you, Grumman,” Riza nodded.

“I’ll be on my way. I’ll send Doctor Marcoh in. Take care of yourself, Mustang,” he called over Riza’s shoulder. Then, in a surprising move, he took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You too, dear.”

Once he’d left, Riza returned to the chair by Roy’s bedside.

“He’s your _ grandfather _?”

She wondered what Roy’s reaction would be. It seemed he had no clue about it either. His exclamation was incredulous.

“Yes,” Riza confirmed.

“But… How…” Roy floundered as he tried to find the words he needed. “When did you know?”

“I didn’t know for sure. When we were in Central on our little holiday after Mia was born and the staff announced there was a General Grumman on the phone waiting to speak to you, I made the connection with his name then. I’d never seen him before though. Seeing him now, he’s still the spitting image of the picture I glanced at once when I was a child.”

“…And he never contacted you before now?” Roy’s question had an edge to it. He was mildly affronted on her behalf.

Riza shook his head. “Not to my knowledge.”

“He knew your name,” Roy muttered quietly to himself. “I told him. Not your last name, admittedly, but he’d heard your first name and seen your picture. He even pestered me to marry his granddaughter before he knew I was married to you.” His brow furrowed deeper, his expression darkening. “And he still did nothing?”

Riza shrugged. She didn’t know what to say to him. “He said he had his reasons for that. I don’t know what they could possibly be, nor am I interested to find out.”

Roy fell silent for a few moments. “You don’t trust him, do you?”

“I don’t know him, so no. I wish I could, given he’s my last remaining older family member, but I can’t. I don’t trust his motives either. Not after his actions. Despite his genuine tone, there’s something about him that I can’t put my finger on.”

His head bobbed a few times as he absorbed her statement. “I can’t believe he never contacted you.”

Riza grimaced. “My family history is… tricky. From what I remember of it, anyway. It could be to do with that, however, I never held any grudge towards him. I never really knew him and was too young. My parents cut ties when I was a baby.”

There was a sudden pressure on her hand. Roy had placed his atop hers, covering it with his warmth and comfort.

“If he’s holding onto that feud, or whatever it was, after all this time, then I’m not sure I want to waste my time trying with him. If not…” she trailed off, still unsure. “Anyway,” Riza announced, steering the conversation away from her thoughts. “Sorry to burst your bubble about him.”

Roy snorted and scoffed. “He was the one who taught and encouraged me to always work to serve my own agenda. It doesn’t surprise me he was doing it for himself. I’m more concerned about you, though.” His expression looked slightly anxious. “Are you okay about all of this?”

“Grumman acknowledging my existence doesn’t take away anything from my life, nor does it add to it. I don’t know what I will do, or what I want, regarding a relationship with my grandfather. Quite frankly I don’t really want to consider it right now either. There’s more important things due to happen,” she smiled, “like you getting your eyesight back.”

“I know, but… Well, whatever you decide, I will support you. No matter what.”

Riza smiled at him. She tapped the back of his hand with her finger three times and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Roy.”

“Of course,” he replied simply. “You’re welcome, Riza.”

Their conversation ended there as someone knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Riza called.

Doctor Marcoh poked his head around the door and looked at them expectantly. “Are you ready to begin the procedure, Colonel?”


	43. we'll get through it anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one more to go after this! hope you enjoy!
> 
> song for this chapter: lighthouse family - lifted

##  **1915**

** _it doesn't really matter 'bout the rain_ **

** _'cause we'll get through it anyway_ **

** _we'll get up and start again_ **

Roy’s shoulders rose and fell sharply with his deep sigh. He nodded in reply to Marcoh’s question. Riza watched as his expression turned from one of anticipation to determination. 

“I’m ready, Doctor.”

“All right.”

Marcoh entered the room and Riza silently gave Roy’s hand a squeeze before moving off the bed. Doctor Marcoh had to set himself up around Roy and she didn’t want to get in his way, however, couldn’t help but notice Roy’s hand lingered within hers for a moment longer as they parted. He didn’t want her to leave. Neither did Riza. Still, she moved back to her chair and watched Marcoh prepare for the time being - not that he had to do much. When everything was ready, she’d return to his side.

“Keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them,” Marcoh instructed as he removed something from the depth of his jacket pocket. Riza couldn’t see what it was, as it was enclosed tightly within a fist. “I’m going to work on one at a time and I need your eyes to be as still as you can make them. I recognise and understand you may be desperate to see if the procedure worked, but if I’m working with a moving target that’s when accidents can happen.”

Riza’s stomach tightened at that last part. She wiped her sweating hands on her hospital issue trousers before clasping them together in her lap.

“Okay, I will. I’ll keep them closed.” Roy’s fingers fidgeted together before lowering to the edge of the thin hospital mattress. He couldn’t grip on tight, but she recognised his desire to do so, to hold onto something, anything, to anchor himself. Riza wanted to offer that. 

Glancing up at Marcoh she noted he was still busy with his explanation and initial examination.

“You will feel a sharp stinging sensation as the severed links are repaired. Your eyes will be sensitive upon first opening as well, but after a few minutes your vision should become clearer and better. So, try not to be too disheartened if the world is blurry when they first open.”

Roy nodded. “Riza?”

His call was a request, but his tone held absolutely authority within it. Curious, she leaned around Doctor Marcoh to get a better look at him. Marcoh had moved in front of Roy to assess his eyes, lifting his eyelids one after the other.

“Yes?”

A hand extended out towards her. An invitation to join him on his bed. Riza didn’t think Marcoh would protest against it, but now, the reason for the authority in Roy’s tone was understood.

She stood and granted his silent request. Gently, her hand slid into his and Roy latched on.

“I want you by my side,” he murmured.

“I’m right here, Roy. I wasn’t going anywhere.” Her attempts to pacify him were rewarded with a soft smile. It cracked the firm look of concentration on Roy’s face, which Riza had come to recognise as unease.

“I know you weren’t, but still, it makes me feel better.” He patted the back of her hand before returning it to the mattress of his bed.

Marcoh was silent as he continued his assessment and didn’t acknowledge her movement across. So, Riza studied Roy as they waited. Anxiety was almost oozing out of him now that the moment was here, so she held on to offer whatever comfort she could. It was a feeling Riza shared with him. This was not a typical medical procedure, and Riza hoped that whatever it entailed would be worth it, and that ultimately, it would work.

“Ready?”

“I’m ready,” Roy confirmed. He let loose a long sigh then nodded with his lips pressed into a thin line.

Marcoh placed the stone atop Roy’s left eye. After a brief moment of concentration the stone started to glow, and red sparks of alchemic energy leaped out of it. Riza resisted the urge to recoil away from the energy. She knew it wouldn’t hurt her, but her experience with it in the past had her instinctively wanting to move away.

Roy gasped then hissed in pain. He instinctively flinched but apparently Marcoh anticipated such a move. His hand followed Roy as he reared back slightly before halting in place immediately. Roy’s fingers gripped onto her hand with more pressure than he’d been able to apply before. His breathing picked up and Riza started to fear he was in a lot of pain. She grasped his hand tightly within both of hers and remained steadfast beside him.

“Are you okay?” Marcoh eyed his face critically.

“Fine,” Roy forced out, answering Marcoh. “I’m all right.”

“The left eye is healed. I’m going to move over to the right.”

“I’m right here, Roy,” Riza murmured. She stroked the skin of his wrist to try and soothe his agitation. Now he knew what to expect, Riza hoped it would abate somewhat. It wouldn’t stop any pain, but it may help him relax a little.

Again, red sparks ignited from the stone and Roy hissed. His jaw was clenched, and his body stiffened, but he never flinched away. Riza’s heart ached, wishing she could do something more.

“Not much longer,” she encouraged.

“There.” Doctor Marcoh’s announcement came after what felt like an eternity. “I’m finished, Colonel. That should be them healed. Keep them closed for another ten minutes,” he added quickly as a warning. “Let the repairs settle and your eyes adjust. Then you can open and test them.”

“I’ll watch the clock,” Riza offered as she gave Roy’s hand an encouraging squeeze.

He exhaled slowly and nodded. “Thank you, Marcoh.”

“I’ll give you both some time. I need to do a quick check up on Mr. Havoc.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Riza replied, sincerely grateful for all of his help.

He nodded to them and left the room without a word. Now, they had to wait and see if the procedure had worked. It sounded almost too good to be true, so until Roy opened his eyes, Riza would have a hard time believing it.

“This is torture,” Roy chuckled.

“There’s not long to wait now,” Riza replied. She lifted a hand to brush his hair away from his eyes.

“This will be the longest ten minutes of my life. I’m sure of it.”

“I know,” she sympathised. “It’s long for me too. But it’s better to be safe than sorry. Giving your eyes time to heal is more important than rushing into it.”

“Always the voice of reason.” Roy tutted, but he still grinned.

He received a gentle nudge from her shoulder for his troubles. “Of course,” she replied evenly.

“I want to see you.”

“I know you do, Roy,” Riza replied softly, but she was quickly interrupted by Roy shaking his head slowly.

“That’s not what I meant. I want you to be the first thing I see after I open my eyes.”

Riza paused. Roy lifted the hand he was still holding towards his chest. He reached across for her other hand, which was offered without hesitation. Both were brought to rest above his heart, clutched within his grasp.

“Will you grant me my request?”

Riza snorted lightly at his passionate, but playful, way of asking. “I will grant you anything you wish, Roy. Of course, I can do that for you.”

“Good. Thank you… Because I don’t want the first thing I see again to be a standard hospital room. I want it to be the woman I love.” All playfulness had been dropped and his tone was sincere.

“Roy…” Her expression softened as she looked at him.

“I’ve missed you terribly and want it to be you. Plus, it seems only fitting,” he added as a smirk threatened to spread across his face, “that as my vision is returned, taking me out of this endless darkness, the first thing I see is the light of my life.”

Riza chalked the sudden surge of tears up to her worry and stress over this situation and how successful it would be. But he _was_ incredibly sweet, and it made warmth spread across her chest and settle within her heart. Riza’s stomach flipped pleasantly as she gazed upon his soft features. His smile was radiant, filled with so much love and adoration that it almost took her breath away.

It was too much, but in the best way possible.

Riza lifted a hand to place it upon his shoulder gently. She tapped her finger against him three times and Roy inhaled in response. Riza’s lips caressed Roy’s lightly while her hand slid from his shoulder, up to his neck, then into his dark hair.

“You’re not allowed to say things like that,” she muttered as she leaned her forehead against his.

“Why not? Was it too sappy?” He sounded pleased with himself.

“It was pretty sappy,” she sniffed with a quiet laugh as she wiped away a stray tear from the corner of her eye.

He chuckled. “It’s only the truth, and I would never lie to you about something like that, you know that,” he grinned.

Riza pulled away. A wobbly smile graced her features as she ran a hand lovingly through his hair. She brushed his fringe off his face again and lifted herself up, pressing another kiss to his forehead.

“I love you,” she whispered against his skin.

“I love you too, Riza. Forever.”

Her head bowed to rest against his and in the silence, they remained there, still, basking in the presence of each other.

“Is it time?” His voice was quiet as it broke through the silence. Roy almost sounded scared. She felt the pressure against her hand tighten as he waited for an answer. It was a momentous occasion after all that had happened, and there was a part of Riza that was terrified as well.

_What if it didn’t work? _The thought was tiny as it floated around her mind, but it was still there. It held enough gravity to it that it made her pause.

It wouldn’t change anything between them. It would only alter their course and they’d be back to square one. Back to where they’d been on the Promised Day. They’d manage though, and would figure out Roy’s options, but Riza knew how much he had riding on this being a success. Not just professionally, but personally too. This was a chance to watch his children grow up. It was an opportunity for him to see them again. A chance to see her again.

“It’s time,” Riza whispered.

Roy took the deepest breath and let it out in a controlled movement.

“Take it slow,” she advised, suddenly worried that any quick action would be painful for him. “How do you feel right now?”

“I feel… Nothing. No pain, no discomfort… Nothing at all. Everything feels normal.”

“Okay. Whenever you’re ready.” Riza slid herself off the edge of the bed and crouched in front of him. She gripped onto Roy’s hands tightly and brought them to rest in the centre of his lap. “I’m right here,” Riza encouraged.

“Right here, waiting for me to see you again?” His quip was meant to lessen their unease, but it didn’t quite work.

“Yes,” she answered him with a soft tone. Pushing through her nerves she even managed to crack a smile. “That’s all I want for you. Now’s the moment of truth.”

There was one final deep breath then slowly, ever so slowly, Roy cracked his eyelids open.

Riza’s heart lifted into her throat and her smile dropped as she closely scrutinised his eyes. Immediately she noticed they weren’t the same muted grey as they’d been before. They were rich and dark, like they’d been previously, before the Promised Day. They were _his_ eyes. The same ones he shared with their daughter. Riza tried not to let herself get too worked up, but tears had already started to appear as hope swelled within her chest.

Roy squinted as he moved his eyes to settle on her face. He was looking directly into hers but gave no indication he could see her.

“Roy?” She sounded so worried but couldn’t help herself. Riza wanted this to work _so badly_. It had to work. After all of this – all the discussions and all of their planning – it had to succeed. Roy had to be able to see his children again.

“It’s you,” he breathed. His tone was reverent, and the features of his face relaxed into an expression of awe and wonder.

Riza’s heart almost stopped.

His eyes widened, but Roy winced and squinted suddenly after the quick movement. It didn’t deter him, though. “I can _see_ you.”

She surged up from her knees. Both of her hands came to rest upon his cheeks. She looked at him in amazement. Her gaze switched between each of his eyes and Roy followed her movements. He was slower, but he was looking at her _directly_.

He could see her.

Roy’s face lit up and he grinned. Riza thought it was the most wonderful smile she’d ever seen, so full of hope and joy. His fingers lifted to loop around her wrists, and he gripped onto her. They sat there, staring at one another in both disbelief and relief.

“Is… Is it blurry? Is it clear?”

“It’s a little bit blurry in places,” Roy answered, “but Marcoh said that would happen. Most importantly, I can see.” His voice trailed off to a whisper, suddenly overcome with the revelation. His face crumpled and at the same time Riza moved forward. Their lips met as they were both overwhelmed with the news.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Roy murmured against her lips. He kissed her again before she had a chance to reply. “I never want to let you out of my sight again.”

Riza let out a choked laugh. She lifted a hand to cup his cheek as she pulled away. Her thumb wiped away one of his tears. “I’m so happy for you,” she whispered.

"I missed you so much, Riza."

Roy’s arms wrapped around her shoulders. Hers snaked underneath his arms and gripped onto his torso, allowing Riza to bury her face into his chest, while Roy’s head lowered to press into the crook of her neck – on her good side. They remained there, both feeling at peace, until a knock at the door disturbed them.

“Well?” Doctor Marcoh looked at them both expectantly.

“It worked, Doctor. Thank you.”

Roy stood and strode over to him with a confidence Riza had longed to see again. When he’d walked while blind, Roy had been overly cautious. The majority of the time he had an aid, but in the rare times he didn’t, his movements were careful and controlled. Now, he stood straighter and moved steadily.

“Thank you so much,” he repeated as he shook Doctor Marcoh’s hand vigorously.

Marcoh grinned. “That’s good to hear, Colonel. I’m pleased it all went well. How are your eyes? Any pain?”

Roy shook his head.

“Any discomfort at all? And how’s the vision? Still impaired or back completely?”

“There’s no discomfort and it’s still a little blurry around the edges, but I can see clearly enough straight ahead.”

“I imagine that will be disorientating at first, so make sure you remain careful as you move. There’s no telling if it will come and go, or if it will return and progress slowly. If you lose it completely then we’ll need to consider further treatment. It may take more than one for it to return permanently.”

Riza’s stomach tightened as she listened. She’d been so caught up in the excitement of it all, that option hadn’t even been considered. Further treatment wouldn’t be an issue, Riza thought, but after regaining his vision, to have it disappear again so suddenly, would take its toll on Roy, she was sure. It would take its toll on anyone.

“Of course. I’ll keep in touch.”

“Once you’re discharged, and if you’re comfortable, I have no issue with making a house call for any check-ups.”

“That…” Roy turned to look at Riza, looking for her opinion on his offer.

“I see no issue with that, of course,” she agreed. It would certainly make things easier for them.

“That would be great. Thank you, Marcoh.”

He nodded and offered him a smile. “While I’m here, would you like your hands repaired at the same time?” He motioned towards Roy’s bandages.

Riza hadn’t even thought about that.

Roy shook his head. “No. That won’t be necessary.”

“All right,” Marcoh nodded. He handed over a card with his phone number on it. “I’ll be staying at the Central Hotel should you need me for anything.”

“Thank you.” Roy shook his hand once more before the doctor left. When he turned, his expression softened. “I could look at you forever,” he announced, walking over to where Riza had perched herself on the edge of Roy’s bed. “You know that, right?”

“I do now,” she smirked.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he murmured. His head bent low, so their faces were close, but never touching. “I could already do that. But now, after so long, that’s all I want to do.”

“The country won’t run itself while you stare at me,” Riza snickered.

“No,” he sighed dramatically, “unfortunately, it won’t. I wish it would though,” he added quickly before stealing a quick kiss.

“That’s not very responsible, Colonel,” Riza replied dryly.

Instead of replying, Roy simply stared at her. It caused her expression to soften, and Riza cocked her head to the side as she regarded him.

“What?”

He didn’t reply right away though. Roy shook his head and a fond smile spread across his face. A hand lifted to cup her cheek with such care that she melted into his touch.

“It’s nothing, it’s just…” He was looking at her with such wonder.

“What, Roy?” Her query was quiet and soft.

“That’s the smile I remember,” he grinned. The pure elation was clear as day on his face.

* * *

In the days following Roy regaining his sight, the team visited him one by one to offer their congratulations. Breda clapped him on the back with a grin. Fuery’s face lit up when he heard the news and shook Roy’s hand enthusiastically. Falman called from Briggs, giving Roy his first opportunity to venture out of his room by himself and walk without aid. Riza was never far from his side though and kept an eye on him, but his gait was confident and purposeful as he walked towards the nurse’s station to speak to him.

Havoc ventured through as well from his own hospital room. His physical therapy was treating him well and he was building muscle again. Riza had yet to see him physically walk, due to him being kept to the confines of his room, but she was excited to witness it. She couldn’t wait.

Roy nodded to Havoc in the doorway, who grinned in response and offered a lazy salute, along with a hello.

“It’s good to see you again, Havoc,” Roy greeted with a smirk.

He was wheeled only to the threshold of the room. Shakily, Havoc pushed himself to his feet and out of the wheelchair. Gripping his walking stick, he walked forward with a proud smile that lit up his whole face. Riza’s heart soared as she watched him take steady steps forward.

“Congratulations on getting your eyesight back, Mustang.”

“Congratulations on walking again, Havoc.”

“You already said that to me,” he commented. Havoc reached forward and shook Roy’s hand.

“Yes, but now that I can see it, I can believe it.” Roy stood from his chair and offered it to Havoc, who nodded his thanks and moved towards it.

“Are you calling me a liar, Mustang?” Havoc’s eyes twinkled with mischief as he asked his teasing question, pretending to be appalled.

“Never.” Roy placed a pillow behind Havoc’s back for support and the Lieutenant sighed happily as he sat back in the chair. “But I promised myself a few months ago, when we were in here together, that I would see you walking again. And now I have,” he grinned.

“Ah, so I’m only here to feed your ego. Got it.”

Roy nudged his shoulder to tell him to knock it off and Havoc laughed in response.

“Do you want to stay for a while?”

“I’d love to…” Havoc looked over his shoulder at the nurse who’d escorted him through, seeking permission to do so.

“I’ll come back in half an hour,” she stated before closing the door behind her.

Edward and Alphonse paid them a visit as well. Roy’s face lit up completely when he saw Alphonse Elric in the flesh and Riza watched as pride surged through him. He stood from his chair and walked towards the young man to shake his hand. Riza was sure she saw a tear in his eye after finally setting eyes on him, but she couldn’t be sure. She wouldn’t blame him because she’d felt the same way when she first saw Alphonse on the Promised Day.

“It’s good to hear you’re healed, Colonel,” Alphonse grinned. He sat across from them in his wheelchair and Edward sat beside Al in a hospital chair.

“Same to you, Alphonse,” Roy grinned. “I… I honestly can’t believe it. I’m proud of you both. It’s amazing all that you’ve achieved.

“You used the stone, didn’t you?”

The mood of the room shifted after Edward asked his question. It wasn’t accusatory, however it was serious. What was supposed to have been a heart-warming reunion had suddenly taken a turn. Riza sat back and watched the exchange quietly. Edward didn’t sound impressed that Roy had done such a thing with the Philosopher’s Stone. His lips pursed and pressed into a thin line when Roy confirmed it, but he simply nodded in response.

“That’s not really our business, Ed,” Alphonse interjected, speaking in a low but warning tone.

“I know it’s not,” he replied defensively. “Make sure you do good on your promise though,” he warned Roy.

“I will, Fullmetal.” Roy’s voice was solemn as he made his promise to the former alchemist. “It will not be in vain. I can assure you.”

“Good.” There was a brief silence then his voice softened. “Good. I’ll hold you to that.” It wasn’t a threat, per se. His tone had turned friendly, but Riza knew Edward meant every word.

“I would expect nothing less from you, Fullmetal.”

“It’s not Fullmetal anymore,” Edward added. His voice was lighter and broke some of the tension in the room. “I’m leaving the military.” He sounded like he was boasting.

“Are you going home?” Roy guessed, but something told Riza he’d been thinking this would be their course of action for a while.

Edward nodded. “I have no reason to remain within it. We achieved what we sought out to do.” He glanced over to his brother and smiled. “I guess, now it’s your turn, Colonel.”

Roy nodded. “Are you sure you want to leave? I could use some trusted advisors in my journey to the top.”

“Oh no,” Edward hurriedly assured him. “I have absolutely no interest in that.”

Roy lifted his hands in surrender. “I had to try,” he smirked.

“We’re going to go home and surprise Winry and Granny,” Alphonse replied. “I can’t wait to see them again and show them what we’ve achieved.”

“Do they know you’ve got your bodies back yet?”

The two brothers shared a look after Roy asked his question.

“You haven’t told them yet, have you,” Riza accused lightly.

“We wanted it to be a surprise!” Alphonse exclaimed after a brief silence.

“Have you at _least_ called to tell them you’re alive?”

“Yes,” Edward replied, sounding like a teenager being scolded by a parent. “What do you take us for, Colonel? Of course we did. They know we’re okay… They just don’t know the finer details yet,” he muttered.

Both Roy and Riza lifted an eyebrow at them.

“The surprise will be worth it,” Edward reassured, before sliding down sullenly in his chair.

Riza uncrossed her arms and moved them from her chest. She shook her head fondly and smiled at them both, not doubting for a second that the surprise would be a wonderful one for Winry and Mrs. Rockbell.

“Always with the dramatics,” Roy tutted, looking heavenward.

“Dramatics,” Edward echoed. “That’s rich, coming from _you_.”

As the two bickered back and forth Riza smiled warmly at Alphonse. “How are you feeling, Alphonse?”

“I’m okay, Mrs. Mustang,” he replied cheerily.

“Riza,” she corrected with a laugh, for what felt like the millionth time.

“Ah, yes,” he replied sheepishly. Alphonse rubbed at the back of his neck. “Sorry.”

Riza waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. I suppose I won’t ever get you to break that habit, will I?”

“Maybe in a few years,” he offered with a tentative smile.

“I’ll take that.”

The two said their goodbyes shortly afterwards. Roy sighed as he watched them leave. A look of pride settled on his face, followed by a contented smile.

“They really did it,” Riza remarked as she sat back down in the chair beside him. She’d stood to open the door for them both.

“They did.” He shook his head and scoffed in disbelief. “I can’t believe it. It’s… It’s wonderful to see.”

“How are your eyes?”

“Fine,” he replied simply. “No issues today.”

Riza felt herself relax. “I’m glad,” she smiled in relief.

“I… don’t want to jinx it, but –”

“Then don’t say it,” Riza interjected hurriedly.

Roy froze and stared at her. “Really?”

“We better not.” She dropped her gaze. “I’m not superstitious but…” Riza sighed heavily. “I don’t want to go through all of that again.”

He was silent for a moment as he regarded her.

The potential setbacks Marcoh had warned them about did come. When Roy awoke the day after the procedure his vision was almost completely impaired again. A terrified call of her name woke Riza from sleep and she was alert the moment she realised who it had come from. Roy was lying on his back, his eyes wide open and searching, but he could see nothing. The irises hadn’t changed colour like they had before, so Riza reassured him of that. It was a sign, at least. Riza didn't know what it was a sign of, but it was _something_ to hold onto. She’d hurried out of the room to the payphone down the hall. Doctor Marcoh must have still been asleep when she called, but assured Riza he’d see them within the hour to assess Roy’s condition.

As they waited his vision did return somewhat however there were still blind spots. Riza reassured Marcoh was on his way in and would be with them soon, but she could see the toll it was taking on Roy already. His chest heaved with deep breaths and he didn’t talk much as he lay in bed. There was a crease in between his eyebrows constantly, which Riza eventually managed to smooth out with her thumb. Once the muscles of his face relaxed she didn’t stop. She continued the action until Marcoh arrived, trying to ease some of his turmoil.

He used the stone again and Roy’s vision cleared. It was clearer than it had been after the initial treatment, but there was still a deep worry within both their minds. What if this was to be his life from now on? The stone wouldn’t last that long. It wouldn’t be feasible either. And would it ease and get better over time? No one could answer their questions because no one knew. All they could do was wait it out and see what happened.

The same thing occurred the next morning, but it wasn’t as bad. On the third morning though, Roy’s vision was clear as soon as he woke and didn’t waver. Still, Doctor Marcoh came in for a check-up, and stated he’d keep coming in early each morning from now on. Roy was quiet throughout the whole day, as if waiting for his sight to disappear… but it didn’t.

It had happened with Havoc too, he revealed to them in a grim tone on that third morning. News had reached him of what Roy was going through.

It didn’t mean the procedure didn’t work, it just meant there was more work that needed to be done, Havoc explained as he tried to put their minds at rest. Feeling had returned to his legs almost immediately after his own procedure, however there had still been numb spots, he confessed. Havoc had initially never mentioned the numbness, as he thought it was simply part of the recovery process. There were times on that first day where he’d faltered completely and the feeling left his limbs. He’d panicked, but Marcoh used the stone and it returned.

However, Havoc did reason that it was because the legs were large, long limbs, and there was a lot to work with, so they needed more work to heal everything. The eye, while smaller than a leg, required more finesse and finer tuning.

From the way he spoke, Riza thought he’d clearly considered this quite a lot. She’d really appreciated his support and reassurances during that time. Roy did too. He’d been silent as Havoc discussed it with them, but still nodded and offered his thanks in a quiet voice.

Watching Roy go through that turmoil hadn’t been easy on Riza either. Her heart broke for him as she heard his quiet, broken groans when he woke up, realising the darkness he thought he’d escaped from was back, rendering him terrified. It was a lot to go through, to have it returned and then snatched away again. It dashed their hopes slightly but Riza never gave up. She dutifully rang Doctor Marcoh. She sat at Roy’s bedside and offered him comfort, letting him know he wasn’t alone in his own dark world. Someone was there on the other side, listening to him and there for support. Just like she always would be.

It was not a regular practice, so of course they had no way of knowing how Roy would fare as the weeks and months went on. Basically, all they could do was hope for the best. 

Thankfully, the issues they’d run into hadn’t lasted for too long. On the fourth morning there were no issues at all and if anything, Roy commented that his eyesight was better than it had been before the Promised Day. Marcoh said the developments were promising. He hadn’t needed to use the stone at all that day and Roy stated his vision remained bright and clear, never once wavering.

Riza took that as a good sign and held onto it tightly.

“Okay, I won’t. Sorry.”

She glanced up at her husband, returning to the present. With an outstretched hand, he gestured for her to come over to him. Riza did so and ended up being pulled into his lap. Roy bent his head and placed a light kiss against her bandaged neck before wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I don’t want to go through it again either,” he murmured against the skin of her shoulder. He’d shifted aside the neckline of her shirt and rested his mouth upon her bare skin. They were silent but every so often, randomly, he pressed a kiss there and Riza felt herself relax against him.

“It’s time to exercise your hands.”

“Five more minutes,” he mumbled against her skin.

“Roy –”

“I want to hold you for a bit. I can do it better now,” he added, giving her waist a squeeze. He was right. He was able to apply more pressure than before. “And I want to be close to you.”

Riza leaned into his hold further and rested her head against Roy’s. “All right,” she relented with a sigh. She was not annoyed with him though. Riza understood his reasons and appreciated the sentiment very much.

It had been a long time since they’d been able to sit comfortably and hold one another like this. A while since they’d been so close. A slow smile spread across Riza’s face, realising she was happy. They remained there, simply existing within each other’s space.

After ten minutes or so, Riza extracted one of Roy’s hands from around her waist. He pouted, which made her snort quietly, but she didn’t stop. The bandages were unwrapped carefully and Riza inspected the skin beneath. It looked healthy and was healing nicely. The doctors were happy with its condition and progress.

“Slowly,” Riza murmured as Roy’s fingers twitched now that his palms were free from their confines.

With an open palm facing downwards, Roy bent his wrist from side to side slowly. After that he practiced flipping his hand over a few times. There seemed to be no obvious issues. Riza scrutinised his face carefully every so often to look for pain but could discern nothing. There was nothing in his features except concentration, accompanied by a light sheen of sweat on his nose.

Still with an open palm, Roy bent his wrist up and down this time. He grunted quietly to himself and Riza looked up sharply.

“Sore?”

“A little,” he grimaced as he tried to bend it again.

She placed a hand atop his to make him stop. “Move onto the next one.”

His fingers curled inwards carefully towards his palm but couldn’t go too far into a fist. Riza nodded and noted in her mind his progress. Once he’d tried to make a fist five times she murmured for him to take a break. After a minute, he did another five repetitions. After that, they moved onto the next exercise. Roy had to try and touch each finger to his thumb. The pointer made it the furthest, but the others had a long way to go yet. However, progress was being made, and Riza was pleased with it.

Riza took his hand into hers and started to massage the palm and his wrist. Roy sighed beside her ear and Riza felt his body relax. They were quiet as she did so, then Riza turned his hand over and worked through the muscles on the back of his hand as well that surrounded the wound. It was a long slice. _Too_ long.

The memory of Bradley’s sword piercing through it, and Riza _seeing_ the other end of the blade poke through the other side of Roy’s palm, made her stomach tremble unpleasantly. Her lips pursed together, and her movements slowed without her noticing.

“Hey,” Roy called to her softly.

His hand escaped her grasp, but it wouldn’t have been difficult for him. She was already a million miles away, back in those tunnels, back to lying in a pool of her own blood, and seeing her husband being forced through the Gate against his will. The images flashed unbidden in her mind, making Riza flinch.

“Riza,” he encouraged as he brought his hand to her chin. He turned her head slowly, so she was looking directly at him. It took a lot of effort on his part, but Roy managed.

She glanced up to meet his gaze and in that moment Roy understood completely. It wasn’t the first time she’d massaged his hands, or the first time they’d done these exercises together, but right now… The reason for his injuries was hitting her again.

But one look at him… Roy was concerned, however sympathy and understanding were clear within his gaze as well. He’d been through the same thing she had, so understood completely.

Riza focussed on those dark eyes as they flicked between hers, waiting for a response. They were her anchor. They’d been so grey before, a far cry from the colour she’d always loved. Now, they were back.

Reminders of their progress since the Promised Day were right in front of her, so Riza took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, holding onto them tightly and refusing to let them go. They were healing. There was a long way to go yet, but there was clear progress. They were making their way through it together. 

“I love you.” Roy’s voice was low and he spoke slowly and evenly. However, his declaration was passionate and full of love. “And I’m right here.” His fingers guided hers to rest atop his heart. It beat steadily beneath her palm, a welcome reassurance that he was okay and they’d made it through. Roy’s expression softened and he gave her his winning smile. The one he reserved only for her. “I’m getting better and I’m not going anywhere. So are you.”

Riza wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder. “You came back,” she whispered as confirmation for herself. Her hand came to rest against the back of his head, her fingers becoming buried within his long, dark hair.

“I did.” She felt him nod. “You couldn’t get rid of me, even if you tried, Riza,” he snorted, “I’m here forever.”

His promise was as firm as his hold as Roy’s arms held her close. A kiss was pressed against her cheek, causing the corners of Riza’s lips to tug upwards into a small, pleased smile.

“I cannot put into words how terrified I was, being unable to see if you were all right throughout all of this and verify for myself that you’d been treated. I _knew_ you had, but the mind can be cruel. Especially after what we experienced.”

Riza swallowed and nodded against him. She was acutely aware of the feeling he was describing.

However, when Roy next spoke, his voice was ever so soft and reassuring. “But… You came back as well.” He lifted his head to part them, but only far enough so they could see one another, causing their breaths to mingle together as they spoke. “You were right here waiting for me and were always by my side.”

“Of course,” she whispered.

“And I’m right by your side as well, for whatever you need,” he promised quietly. His eyes bored into hers, willing her to understand.

She smiled and nodded. Riza knew he would be, without hesitation.

When Roy tilted her head down so he could press a chaste kiss against her forehead, Riza’s eyelids fluttered closed, and she felt herself melt beneath his love and affection.

“We did it together,” he smirked at her. “We’re a pretty good team, if I do say so myself. That’s a sign we’re meant to be together, I think.”

“Well, I already knew that,” she mumbled. Her forehead came to rest gently against Roy’s.

“So did I.”

Riza released another sigh and willed the rest of her unease to leave her alongside her breath. Roy was right. They were both alive and not going anywhere. Soon, they’d be home. Soon, their family would be whole once more.

“We always make our way back to one another.” Roy pulled away and lifted both his hands to her forehead. He brushed her fringe aside and offered her a loving smile as his fingers trailed across her brow, to her temples, then down to her chin. His light touch made her shiver and caused gooseflesh to rise on her arms. Her scalp tingled pleasantly. “We always find each other when we need it most, don’t we?”

Riza buried her face into the crook of his neck. “We do,” she whispered against the column of his throat. There was a comfort to his words that she couldn’t describe but was grateful for.

“And we always will,” he added firmly. His arms wrapped around her waist. “After everything that’s happened, I wasn’t kidding about not letting you out of my sight again,” he chuckled. “You know I’ll do it too,” Roy teased.

She snorted lightly. “That’ll prove difficult with our work.”

“How about not straying far from your side then? Previous commitments – like work – permitting, of course.” Riza could hear the smirk in his voice.

“I like that,” she smiled against him. Riza tightened her arms around his neck, holding him closer and Roy returned the gesture. He pressed another light kiss atop the bandages on her neck, then one upon her temple. “I like that a lot,” she whispered.

Because they always would find a way back to one another. They already had, so many times before. Not much could keep her and Roy apart. That had already been proven. That’s just the way it was with them, and the way it always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue is complete it just needs a few more tweaks. it should be up by the end of the week :)


	44. you are so bright, shining above all the city lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go, the epilogue! thank you so much to everyone who's read and given this fic their time. also, thank you for your comments and for the support i've received from readers and friends alike. it means so so much to me <333
> 
> it was so cool to finally get to play with and explore this wee idea i first had about three years ago :') and now it's done!! wild. i never thought this day would come lmao but it's been a great year and a half working on it. i hope you enjoy the ending <3
> 
> for one last time; song for this chapter: delta goodrem - sitting on top of the world

##  **1915**

** _you are so bright, shining above all the city lights_ **

Riza scanned the windows of the train intently as it drew into the station. While it rolled past them slowly, she tried to look out for some familiar faces through the glass but didn’t find who she was looking for. There were no eager children on the other side, looking out and excitedly watching the world go by. There were only tired adults, exhausted after their long train ride from Xing, but also relieved that it was finally over.

Roy wrapped an arm around her back and slipped his free, gloved hand into his trouser pocket.

He’d picked the gloves out so they could hide his injuries from Mia. This morning was about a happy reunion, not explaining to their daughter how he’d hurt his hands. That could, and would, come later if she asked. Not to mention the thick leather would provide extra protection to his freshly bandaged hands. They didn’t need the sooty air getting into his wounds. Riza had also covered the bandage on her neck. Since it was healing they’d been able to arrange the gauze so it wouldn’t be as obvious or startling to anyone seeing her for the first time since the Promised Day, however no matter how hard they tried, a small part of it still poked out from underneath her shirt. While she’d been trying to think of a solution to cover it up, Roy had picked out a thin scarf from their wardrobe and playfully wrapped her up in it with a grin. It also happened to be perfect for the weather that day.

As they stood and waited, Roy didn’t tell her to relax or offer any sentiment like that because he was in the same state as her. It had been almost a month since the Promised Day. Almost a month since they’d last seen their children. To say they were simply excited was a gross understatement. It went so much further than that. Both were anxious to see their faces once more.

With his eyesight returned, Roy had been discharged from the hospital before her. With an injury as large as the one Riza had sustained, the doctors wanted to ensure there was going to be no risk of infection when she was sent home. Riza didn’t fight it, but she was still eager to leave. She felt well enough but trusted her physician.

Two days after Roy, Riza was discharged. Sleeping in her own bed, held tightly within her husband’s arms that night, was the best feeling in the world. It was only until she awoke with him that Riza realised just how much she’d missed it.

There had always been a yearning within her to crawl into his hospital bed and lie next to him, but she had to be careful. Anything that aggravated her injury would delay her progress, and that included lying on her side next to Roy. It would stall them in seeing Mia and Maes again, so, as much as she wanted to, Riza reigned in that impulse.

On their first day at home together, instead of getting up and readying themselves for the day, Roy and Riza treated themselves and didn’t rise until well into the afternoon. Grumman had given Roy time off for recovery and rehabilitation, so they truly had nothing to worry about. No one was demanding their attention or presence anywhere. There were no jobs to be carried out and completed.

It was freeing after the rollercoaster the last month had been for them both. It was also the most relaxed they’d both felt in a long time.

Just like before the Promised Day, the house was too quiet without Mia and Maes. The day after Riza was discharged she called Chris and said they were ready to invite them back home. Now the moment was here, Riza’s heart was beating erratically inside her chest, pounding against her ribcage with fervour. Her hands were sweating with her excitement.

She couldn’t wait.

The crowds were thick as people disembarked from the train. The platform filled, becoming even busier than before, but Vanessa and Chris were nowhere to be seen, Riza noted with dismay.

“This is the train.” Roy’s voice was suddenly close to her ear so he could be heard over the hubbub of the platform. “They will be here somewhere. We’ll find them.”

He must have picked up on her impatient shifting. Not that Riza had tried very hard to hide it. Even though her expression was schooled into one of concentration as she focussed on her search, Riza _ had _ been up on her tiptoes to try and look over some of the taller heads in the crowd.

As people started to vacate the platform, others boarded the train, but it was nowhere near the same volume that had alighted from it. The crowd thinned but Riza still didn’t spot them. She finally huffed impatiently.

Then, bodies parted, and her eyes settled on her daughter. She was walking by Vanessa’s side, holding onto the pram that carried Maes. Her small head swivelled around as she looked about her, causing her long ponytail to whip back and forth. Her bottom lip was caught in between her teeth and she chewed on it, seemingly anxious to find who, or what, she was looking for. 

All Riza could do was stare. A month had passed but it felt like years in that moment. It had been too long, and everything was rushing up to the surface at once, overwhelming her and freezing her in place. It must have been a figment of her imagination, but Mia looked older. She looked taller. Her dark hair seemed to be so much longer, tied up in its ponytail.

_ Never again would they spend so much time apart _, Riza promised herself.

Riza’s face crumpled and she took a step forward but paused when Mia spotted her.

Mia’s face lit up with joy and it caused Riza’s inhale to get caught in her throat. Their daughter’s elation spread across her features beautifully as Mia’s eyes sparkled with excitement. Riza couldn’t hear her gasp, but it was obviously a loud one, given the exaggerated expression on her face. The brown paper bag she’d been carrying in her hand hit the ground and tipped over onto its side, forgotten. Mia sprinted away from a suddenly panicked Vanessa and headed straight towards them. Her bag bounced on her back as she ran and the happy laugh that left her was music to Riza’s ears.

“Mum!” Mia called. It almost sounded like a scream; it was so loud. “Dad!”

Riza fell to her knees and Mia ran straight into her arms. The force of her enthusiasm almost knocked Riza over but she held steady. She pressed her cheek against the side of Mia’s head as she held her incredibly tight, standing and lifting her off the ground, leaving her small legs to wrap around Riza’s waist securely. Mia’s happy laugh didn’t let up and Riza thought it was one of the best sounds she’d ever heard. She’d missed hearing it.

“Oh, Mia,” she sighed, overcome with emotion. “Oh, Mia Bear, I _ missed _ you!” Riza placed her back down on the ground and pulled away to get a better look at her daughter.

Mia beamed back at her, almost vibrating with excitement. She even started bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. Riza cupped her daughter’s grinning face in between her palms then moved to kiss her on the forehead, on her nose, then each cheek, making Mia giggle.

“I missed you too, Mum. And Dad!” She was quickly out of Riza’s hold and darted towards her father.

Roy bent his knees with a grin and opened his arms wide. Mia launched herself into them and Roy scooped her up. Her arms wrapped around his neck, holding on tight as she was lifted off the ground again. Roy was not shy in returning it either. His face was pressed into her shoulder, hiding it from view, but Riza saw his back heave greatly with his breath as he spun them both around on the spot.

“Mia!” Vanessa scolded, tugging a suitcase behind her while pushing Maes’ pram. “How many times do I have to tell you not to run off?”

“But it was Mummy and Daddy!” Her tone held no apology, only glee upon seeing them again.

“I _ know _, but –” Vanessa sighed, rolling her eyes fondly. “Never mind,” she relented. “Hey, Riza,” she grinned. Maes was parked next to her, and Vanessa rounded the pram to engulf Riza in a tight hug.

“Thank you for looking after them,” Riza whispered, pouring all of her gratitude into the words she spoke.

“Oh, it was no problem at all,” Vanessa grinned. “We had a great time! Didn’t we, Mia?”

Roy had placed Mia back on the ground. He knelt before her with his hands on her shoulders, keeping her in place. While Mia turned to look at her Aunt Vanessa, Roy continued to watch Mia’s face closely. His eyes roved over her features and Riza smiled to herself. He was trying to commit her appearance to memory. Riza could understand that, especially after he’d shared the reasons for his upset while in that medical tent on the Promised Day.

“Oh, yes!” Mia clapped her hands together as she turned back to gaze up at her father. “You’ll never guess what we did on the train ride home!”

“Tell me,” Roy demanded immediately, his tone filled with awe. He marvelled at Mia, taking in every feature and change in her expression. His gloved hands smoothed down her hair then cupped her cheeks between his palms.

Mia giggled, feeling squished in between the soft, black leather covering his palms. “Dad!” Her complaint was accompanied with a laugh as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

“Sorry, Mia Bear. Tell me,” he insisted, letting go of her face and placing his hands back on her shoulders. “I want to hear all about it.”

As Mia launched into a story about their journey home, Roy was enraptured and watched every one of her excitable expressions with close scrutiny and joy.

With Mia occupied, Riza turned her attention to their youngest. Maes’ eyes blinked up at her, and for the tiniest moment, she feared he wouldn’t recognise her after all this time. He cocked his head to the side as he regarded her, and his small limbs grew still. His stuffed toy remained clutched tightly within his fist and he drew it up to cover his mouth.

_ He used to do that to feel more secure… _

Riza’s chest ached as she watched that adorable frown she loved so dearly appear on his face but couldn’t help but start to think or fear the worst. A month was a long time for a child his age.

Maes had definitely grown. His hair had turned slightly thicker and was now more brown than black, which matched the colour of his chocolate brown eyes. And Maes looked so much _ older. _ His face had slimmed down slightly and had a little bit more shape to it than Riza remembered. He was a marvel, and her love for her son surged within her chest.

“Hello, little Maes.” The joy of setting her eyes on his face again choked Riza momentarily. Tears welled within her eyelids.

However, that was all Maes needed. He grinned, showing off his gums and tongue while his arms flailed outwards, asking to be picked up. He tried to sit up in the pram, causing his tiny body to strain against the straps holding him in place. There was an outraged sound of protest from him when he discovered he couldn’t move as far as he desired. That affronted frown returned to Maes’ face as his small fingers tried to reach and grab for Riza, making her bark out a shaky laugh. Unbuckling her son, Riza hugged him close to her chest as his face burrowed into the crook of her neck with a joyous squeal.

“Hey, Maes,” she cooed quietly into his ear, feeling a tear slip out. “I missed you so much.”

After sending them away, and throughout the Promised Day, Riza had tried her hardest not to dwell too long on when she’d be able to see their children again. If she did, all focus would be broken and the intense longing would leave her winded, struggling to breathe. That’s how it felt now though, holding them in her arms again. She wanted to crumple to the floor in her euphoria and relief but remained steady and strong.

It had been too much to think about that they may never get to see them again. It was too intense a sadness that left Riza gasping for breath, but they’d _ done it _. It had been a long time waiting for this day to come while they were in hospital, but they’d made it through to the other side. Now, the payoff for their perseverance and resilience was more than worth it.

“Do I get a hug like that?”

Riza glanced up and saw Chris smirking at them both. She was joking, but Roy still strode forward and pulled her into a fierce hug anyway. Mia was his shadow and skipped over to her grandmother with him. Roy murmured something quietly in Chris’ ear and Riza watched as her expression softened, and she smiled warmly at him.

“No problem, Roy Boy. You know that by now.”

Roy let go of her and nodded.

“Mia?” Chris called to her, her face expectant. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Mia’s head cocked to the side and her brow furrowed in confusion.

_ She looks so much like Roy _, Riza grinned to herself.

“Your present bag?” Chris prompted her further, then the penny dropped for their daughter.

“Oh!” Mia darted over to her grandmother to take the paper bag she’d dropped in her haste to reach them. “I dropped it. Sorry!”

“It’s all right,” Chris assured her evenly, “but be more careful next time, otherwise it might get lost or broken.”

“I will! Mum, Dad, I brought you back some presents! I got one for Hayate too. I can’t wait to see him again!”

“That was very kind of you, Mia,” Riza smiled as she bounced a happy Maes in her arms. “Thank you.”

There was a gentle tug at her neck and Riza flinched automatically, as it was on her injured side. Looking down, she wondered what Maes was doing, then paused to watch him. He was currently playing with a button on her jacket. He was gripping onto the one at the top of her lapel, grasping it carefully in between his thumb and pointer finger with such intense concentration, before letting it go. Riza couldn’t remember him ever doing that before but tried not to dwell on the fact she’d missed out on over a month of his development. She rejoiced in his progress instead, simply thankful she was able to see it.

“Button,” she told Maes, pointing at it.

He blinked up at her then gave her a wide smile. Again, he caught it between his fingers and let go.

“Do you like buttons, Maes?”

He giggled and grasped it again.

“You’re so clever,” Riza praised quietly before pressing a kiss to his temple.

Roy stepped up to her side and wrapped an arm around her back securely. His grip wasn’t tight, but his hand was still a welcome weight upon her hip and a comfort. “We’ll see them when we get home, all right Mia,” Roy quickly interjected before Mia could start to pull things out as she’d already, and impatiently, started to open up the bag. “Then everything will be safe and less likely to get lost.”

“Good idea,” Mia agreed. “Can we go now?” She was so serious that it made the adults laugh.

“Of course, we can,” Roy assured her. “But first,” he added, turning to face Riza with a wide smile, “I’ve got to say hello to your little brother first.”

Roy gasped playfully as he lifted Maes high into the air. It made their son giggle and his arms stretched out towards Roy. Once returned to Roy’s shoulder he remained there and lay his head against it, closing his eyes as Roy’s hand shifted to cover his back. He patted it gently and rested his chin on the top of Maes’ head. As Roy’s eyes closed to enjoy the moment, his expression was serene.

“Let’s go!” Mia cried excitedly. She grabbed Riza’s hand and tugged it gently, eager to be on the move.

“Calm down, Mia,” Chris scolded but there was no real force behind it. “We’re going, don’t worry.”

Vanessa looked at Roy expectantly, silently asking if he wanted to hand over Maes, but Roy shook his head.

“I’ll hold him while we walk.”

“I can push that –” Riza started to offer but Vanessa waved her off.

“Mia needs someone to hold her hand,” she argued. “Walk with her,” she smiled, “I’ve got this.”

“Thank you, Vanessa.”

Mia latched onto Riza’s hand tightly and started chatting away. She was telling her mother about their train journey home, the same story she’d told Roy less than ten minutes ago. Still, Riza nodded along and listened to her intently. Most of her attention had been taken up by Maes and she still wanted to hear what Mia had to say.

Once they left the station Mia fell quiet, finally spent from her story telling. Chris opened the car door and started to get a still excited Mia strapped in while Vanessa folded up the pram to store it securely with the suitcase in the boot of the car.

Before they entered, Riza reached up to squeeze Roy’s elbow gently to garner his attention and stop him for a moment.

When he turned to face her he was the most at peace she’d seen him a long time. Riza knew that feeling intimately well. Now that her family was all back together, it felt like all was right in her world. Everyone was safe and accounted for, as they should be, and everyone was together.

It felt like she was finally home.

“Well,” she murmured quietly to Roy, “were those the smiles you remembered?”

Roy’s arm wrapped around her waist as he let out a shaky breath. His head tilted to the side, coming to rest against hers, as his fingers did their best to curl around her torso inside his gloves.

“They were.” He squeezed her waist as best he could and Roy inhaled sharply, indicating he’d been greatly affected by seeing their children again, just like she had. “They were everything I remembered, and more,” he sniffed, smiling down at their son with a tear in his eye. He glanced over at her and leaned in, pressing a soft and loving kiss against Riza’s lips that left her grinning from ear to ear.

“I love you, Riza Mustang.” His breath hitched and another tear fell down his cheek despite his happy smile.

“I love you too, Roy Mustang,” Riza beamed.

She brushed the strands of hair out of his eyes, then gently wiped away the tear with her thumb. His cheek was cradled within her palm lovingly as she gazed up at him, finally feeling completely at peace.

“Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed the wholesome ending :))
> 
> just fyi i will be taking a break from writing. for the first time in years i have no ongoing projects and i've felt completely burnt out for about the last 6 months, so i'm going to take some time to recharge and hopefully regain some energy and inspiration. i will be back tho! i just don't know when. i have a few ideas and wips cooking on the back burner atm which will hopefully be able to come out soon
> 
> i would also like to return and edit some of the earlier chapters to update them a little but there'll be no plot change. idk when i'll get round to it, but if it seems different in a wee while that might be why!
> 
> see you for the next one! take care and have a wonderful day and weekend <3


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